Secrets and Lies
by BellaScotia
Summary: Bella once told a lie. A lie that cost her everything she ever wanted. 10 years later she returns to her hometown to an ailing father, an angry best friend, and the man from whom she has kept a secret that threatens to unravel her existence. M AU AH OOC Rated M for language and lemons **This story is a repost. It was previously posted in its entirety in 2011/12***
1. Chapter 1

**Hello again. I'm somewhat sheepishly re-posting my stories. My decision to remove them seemed like a good one at the time, however, it turns out it was a bit pointless. I'm re-posting them since a lot of people keep asking me about them. I lost all my lovely reviews which is a bit sad, but I had fun reading them at the time... all 9000+ of them, there was some good reading in that. lol **

**All chapters were Beta'd by my American friend Courtney and were pre-read by my English friend Mel. Both ladies played a major part in making the story far better than it would've been if I hadn't had their assistance. I'm forever grateful.**

**For anyone who hasn't read this story before, I hope you enjoy it.**

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Chapter One

"No, Dad. Seriously, you don't have to take any time off. My flight lands at one and if I rent a car I'll be there just as your shift ends anyway." I sigh into the airport payphone. We already had this conversation last night when I called to tell him my flight details, but, Charlie being Charlie, it looks like we're going to have it all over again.

I'm already irritated because I've left my cell phone at home, which necessitates standing in the middle of a busy corridor to make the call by payphone. I balance the receiver between my ear and my shoulder as I rummage my pockets in the hope of finding more change.

"Bella, I'd prefer to come pick you up than have you drive from Seattle alone."

I grit my teeth a little and roll my eyes. I hear a frustrated sigh behind me, and I turn and glare at the douche looming over me wearing an expression that I'm sure he thinks is enough to get me off the phone.

It really annoys me that, despite the fact that I'll be flying from Florida to Seattle alone, Charlie still thinks I'm incapable of then driving from Seattle to Forks. I can't help the snark evident in my voice when I speak again. "I'm all grown up Dad. I'm twenty-eight years old and more than able to get from Seattle to Forks without any major incidents."

I can tell he still imagines me to be that young girl who scurried out of Forks with her tail between her legs ten years ago. He's seen me only once in that time, and that was when he came down to Phoenix to visit me a year after I left. He never visited again. I think Renee and Phil were too much for him, and there was no way I could come to see him in Forks. Until now.

He called me last weekend and insisted that I had to come, and in the back of my mind I probably already knew why, especially since he'd insisted that I come alone. His voice had been even quieter than normal, his words even more stilted, and I could hear the regret when he practically begged me to come.

"How much is renting a car gonna cost?" He sighs, changing tactics. "It seems like a whole lot of expense when I can just take the day off and come get you."

I am getting tired of this now. "Listen, Dad, it's a six hour round trip for you. I'm renting a car. It'll make this so much easier, so just let me do this, and I'll see you when I get to Forks!"

Finally he relents and offers to pay for the car rental, and rather than get caught up in another marathon argument, I tell him we'll talk about it when I see him. I hang up and ignore the loud groan from King Douche behind me when I pick the receiver back up and, take the number out of my purse to call the rental company. I make the arrangements to pick up a car at Sea-Tac, and then I head back to the departure lounge and wait for my flight to be called.

Sitting alone in the departure lounge surrounded by strangers, my mind starts to wander to the reason he has summoned me back to Forks. But I can't face it yet, so I push the depressing thoughts to the back of my mind. That's another reason why I won't let him pick me up; I don't want our first meeting to be in an airport terminal. I want to be in the privacy of his home when he breaks my heart.

My flight gets called, and as I hand over my ticket to the attendant, she beams at me and tells me to have a pleasant journey. I can't help but think it would be a more pleasant prospect if I was travelling into the bowels of hell rather than to Forks, Washington.

Travelling alone isn't as boring as I thought it would be. The cheesy in-flight movies keep my mind off things for the most part, and the young man beside me sleeps for most of the journey. He barely acknowledged me when I sat down and that pleased me. I was in no mood for making small talk with a perfect stranger for several hours.

It seems the gods are with me when I get off the plane; my bags are among the first to come riding along the carousel and that in turn means there is only a short line at the rental desk because most people are still waiting for their bags. By the time I get the keys and my instructions for where to find the car, the line is three times as long as it was when I got there. I can't keep the smirk off my face as I walk past it, and see King Douche right at the end.

0o0

It has just gone past four o'clock when I arrive in Forks. I glance at the sign as I drive past it and try to work out how many of the 3120 people who live here will still know me. The day I left I would imagine that almost all of them over the age of about fourteen would have heard of me, or at least, about me. By now I'll be old news, and I'll probably be nothing more than that girl they once thought they knew something about.

I pass the diner where Charlie used to take me every Thursday religiously, and we'd eat the same thing and have the same conversation every time. It was our thing, our father-daughter ritual, and practically the only time we spent alone in each other's company that lasted longer than thirty minutes.

Driving through the town, it strikes me that nothing much has changed. Everything looks the same and it even feels the same, though the backdrop of slate-grey skies and lush, green trees is a far cry from the sun-soaked beauty of Florida, and might take a little getting used to again.

Everything looks familiar and it's like Forks has been in some kind of frozen time warp while the rest of the world moved on. Of course, if I stayed away from anyplace for ten years, I'd probably go back and find most of it unchanged. But I'm sure that if I'd stayed in Forks, I would have stayed exactly the same too.

The heavens have opened, and rain is lashing down on to the mostly empty streets. Only a few people have braved the elements, and are scurrying along as if running will help them dodge the raindrops. I'm glad, because it means there is less chance that I'll see or be seen by anyone who recognises me. I don't want anyone to know I'm back in town, although, knowing Forks, I doubt that that is even possible.

I turn into the driveway, and he's out on the porch before I even switch the engine off. Thanks to the dark clouds hanging in the sky, the light is too dim for me to see him properly, and I briefly wonder if he's smiling. I grab my bag and hurry through the rain while he holds the door open for me.

"Jeez," I huff, shaking the rain from my hood. "The shitty weather hasn't improved, I see."

"Language!" he scolds, but there is a hint of mirth in his tone. He helps me peel my wet jacket off and hangs it up for me while I prop my bag against the wall.

I turn to face him at last and the sight of him knocks the wind out of my sails. He's so gaunt! His skin is sallow and loose on his too thin face. It sags in on his hollow cheeks and is craggy at his jaw line, not tight and smooth with just a hint of stubble like I remember. His hair is mostly dark grey now, still thick and cut in the same style, but that only accentuates the thinness of his face even more.

His eyes are the worst, and not because of the deep lines etched into the delicate skin surrounding them. No, it's the unmistakable look of resignation in them that is the worst thing for me to look at. This man before me is like a bad charcoal sketch of the memory I've held in my mind's eye for almost ten years.

Every month –when I talked with him on the phone– I pictured him with thick, dark hair, a bushy, brown moustache, and still with that cynical glint in his eyes. I pictured him at least twenty pounds heavier, with rugged good looks and darker, slightly weather-beaten skin.

I swallow thickly as I take it all in, and he watches me, waiting, but doesn't say a word.

"Tell me." My voice is barely a croak.

He takes my arm and gently leads me into the front room before sitting me down. He paces across the room. I can feel his tension as I look up at him, and his eyes are troubled now. He looks like he's warring with his conscience. Like he's trying to choose the right words from a list of thousands he's gone over in his head already.

He sits down beside me, and I feel the heat of his body when it occurs to me that my blood had chilled as soon as I looked at him, and I'm afraid of what he's going to tell me. I can't stand to look at his face any longer, but when my eyes trail lower, I see that his neck is too thin for his shirt collar, and that seems so much worse, so I look away from him completely.

"I didn't want to tell you on the phone," he begins quietly. His bony fingers curl around my hands which are clamped together on my lap. "I couldn't come all the way out to Florida, so this was the only way. I'm sorry I had to ask you to come."

"You're sick."

It's what I've known all along, but wouldn't let myself dwell on in the hope that it wasn't true.

I feel him shift beside me, and he separates my hands, taking the left one between his. He was never a tactile father, so that little action strikes fear into my heart. This is bad. His breathing is deep and calm but, judging by the way he is gripping my hand, I guess that it is not without great effort.

"I have cancer, Bella."

My eyes squeeze tight of their own accord, as if, when they close, it will make everything go away. But it only makes it worse; I am assailed with images of hospitals and doctors and... coffins.

_Oh God!_

"I was diagnosed a couple of months ago," he continues quietly, "It's pancreatic cancer and two weeks ago I got the news that it's spread and it's- it's, well, there's nothing they can do."

I suck in a sharp breath. My initial thought is that he has known this for months and didn't tell me, but then a more pressing thought presents itself, and I look up into his dark troubled eyes. "How long?"

"Three to six months apparently," he snorts bitterly. "I mean, what am I meant to do if I get to three months, start ticking the days off on the calendar?"

I gape at him through my tears. "I knew it would be something like this, as soon as you called and asked me to come, I knew, but I hoped... God I hoped–" I'm babbling, too many thoughts are scrambling around my brain at once. "Are they sure there's nothing they can do? What about chemo? There's all sorts of new drugs. They talk about them in the newspapers all the time. Can't they at least–?"

He grips my shoulders and turns me to face him, his mouth set in a grim, determined line, his craggy jaw taunting me. "Bella, it's spread to other organs, chemo will only delay it, it won't give me a better quality of life, it'll only delay the inevitable. I don't want that, I don't–"

"Come to Florida with me," I insist, desperately interrupting him. "I'll look after you, it'll be different there."

"Florida won't cure me!"

"But if you get the chemo, it could buy you _years_, you could come and live with me and Jacob."

"Bella, listen to me," he tilts my chin up, so my eyes meet his. "It's too late for that, it won't buy me years, it's already advanced too far for that. I've reconciled myself with this; I just want things to be as normal as possible for as long as possible. I'm gonna keep on working as long as I can and I'm still gonna go fishing, and drink beer, and watch the games. That's me, Bella, that's who I am, and that's who I'm gonna stay." His eyes bore into mine as if he's willing me to understand, and I can see the absolute truth in them. "It's what I want," he insists.

Hot tears slide down my cheeks as I nod. "Will you let me do one thing?" I ask, and he regards me for a long moment. I can see he's wary but eventually he nods his head slightly. "I'm going to go back to Florida the day after tomorrow and take care of a few things, and then Jacob and I are gonna come here and stay with you."

His eyes widen. "What about your apartment and your job and Jacob's–"

"None of that matters," I say, cutting him off. "The job's shitty anyway and Mom can look after the apartment for me."

He starts to shake his head.

"Please," I beg. "I can't go back there and let you go through this alone."

He blows out a harsh breath and rubs his hands down his face before he finally relents. "I have money," he says, stroking his moustache thoughtfully. "An insurance policy I had through work paid out, seeing as it's terminal," his eyes flick apologetically to mine. "I'll pay your rent and for the flights for you and Jacob, and after... well, the house will be yours, you can sell it and buy yourself a place in Florida."

"I don't care about that!" I sob.

"I do, Bella, It's a comfort to me, knowing that I can at least give you some security. So if you really want to stay here with me, then I don't want you to be worrying about money."

"So, you'll let us come?"

He nods, and then hauls me into his arms. I feel his bony cheek pressed to the top of my head, as I fight against the sob bubbling in my throat. I revel in the feel of his arms around me and know that I really want these last few months with him. I couldn't go back to Florida knowing he is here, going through this alone.

He pulls back and gently brushes away my tears with his thumb. "What about the Cullens?"

I stiffen slightly even though I knew he'd ask this. "I don't care about the Cullens anymore."

A cynical smile touches his lips. "You cared enough to hide from them for ten years."

At one time I would have argued with him about that. I would have denied that I'd been hiding, but it was the truth. It seemed such a waste now, all those years of staying away, of missing out on time with Charlie.

"I can handle the Cullens," I insist, with greater conviction than I'm feeling.

Coming back here and avoiding them for a few days is one thing, but actually living here, and knowing I will have to face them soon is a whole different ball game. But Charlie needs me, and I'm not about to let them get in the way of that.

"I don't doubt that," he sighs. "But Edward's–"

"Dad, I don't want to talk about Edward Cullen."

It has always been an unspoken agreement between Charlie and I that we don't talk about the Cullens. He tried once, a few months after I left, but I made it clear then that I would never want to know anything about Edward's life. It hurt too much.

"Well, if you're gonna be living here you're gonna hear most of it anyways, so maybe you best hear it from me."

I know he's right. Things have changed, but the pain of hearing Charlie's news mixed with the pain I feel whenever I allow myself to think of Edward is more than I can stand. I pull my hands free, and sweep my hair back off my face. "Not tonight though, please?"

He nods and his lips flatten into a thin line. He's not happy about it but he seems to understand.

In nine years we've never talked about Edward, but it has always been there, the weight of everything we weren't saying was always heavy in the gaps between what we _were _saying. What's a couple of more days avoiding the issue?

He stands up. "Go take your things up to your room, and I'll make us something to eat."

"You'll cook?" I smirk, trying desperately to inject some humour into my voice, but, judging by Charlie's sombre expression, failing miserably.

He shifts slightly from foot to foot, like maybe he's about to reveal some terrible, dark secret. "I might have something in the fridge that Sue Clearwater sent over," he rubs the back of his neck self-consciously and glances at me sheepishly. "Since Harry died she, uh, she always has extra so she likes to send Seth or Leah over with it." He jerks his thumb towards the kitchen. "I'll just go warm it up."

The slight touch of pink staining his cheeks suggests that maybe there might have been more to it than simply relieving Sue of her excess food, but that thought only reminds me of everything he can never have, so I turn away from it and head upstairs.

Grabbing my bag, I take the stairs two at a time, only just managing to keep it together until the door is closed behind me. I see nothing of the furniture, the walls or the bed even, I have no idea if he has kept it the same, because I can't see through my tears as I slide to the floor, and let some of my grief out.

My body convulses from the force of my sobs, and eventually they become so loud that I have to clamp my arm across my mouth in an effort to stifle them. So many emotions are coursing through me: sadness that this dreadful thing has happened to my father, guilt that I left him here to face the mess I made and regret that I let it keep me from him for all this time. I've been selfish and cruel, and not just to Charlie.

It takes no small effort to gather my wits again and force myself to calm down. He doesn't need my pity. He needs me to be strong, and if his way of coping with this is by carrying on regardless, then I have to find the strength to do that too. I wipe my eyes with my sleeve and stand up slowly. While my panic recedes I take in my surroundings.

The room is exactly how I left it. My posters of the musicians, actors and sportsmen I thought were hot during my awkward teenage years, still adorn the walls. The cork board above my desk still holds all the silly mementoes and photographs I had held so dear, and my purple dream-catcher still hangs from the headboard above the bed.

The bed is the only thing that reveals the lack of occupancy; it has been stripped, probably long ago, and is as bare and empty as I feel.

I lay my bag on it and move to the desk, looking at the collage of memories on the cork board above it. I finger through the Post-it notes put there to remind me to do things that I can't remember if I got round to doing or not. I lift over-lapping pieces of paper, and, when my eyes fall on the picture of me and Alice, I let them drop again because I can't bear to look at it.

That smiling face of hers is not the image I have recalled any time I have thought about her in the last decade. No, the picture my brain has held of Alice is of the last time she spoke to me. It recalls the image of her tear-filled eyes, and the utter misery my actions caused her, that was etched into every detail of her beautiful face. Hurt and disappointment had hardened her pretty features, and it cut like a knife that I had caused it.

I turn away from the board and move to the heavy chest by my bed. Opening the drawers I see that there are still a few items of clothing I had left behind, and it doesn't surprise me that Charlie never bothered to get rid of them. Being a pack rat, Charlie still has things in his closet that are older than I am, and it would never occur to him that a twenty-eight year old woman would have no use for an eighteen year old girl's clothes.

I pull my damp jeans off and change into a pair of grey sweats. My top is still dry so I leave it on and pull a sweater over it. I brace myself before opening the door, and my nostrils are immediately filled with the delicious smell of garlic and herbs wafting up from the kitchen. My stomach growls briefly but then the thought of eating kicks in, and I lose my appetite completely.

I stop and check in the hall mirror that my face shows no signs of my crying fit, before I make my way down to rejoin Charlie.

I recognise the pictures and plates on the walls as being the same ones that have always been there, probably even since Renee lived here. I can't recall what colour the walls used to be but the flat pea green seems familiar even though it looks relatively fresh. Time seems to have stood still here too.

He is pouring sauce over spaghetti when I enter the kitchen.

He glances up, and his eyes are just a little bit livelier than they were earlier. He offers me a tight smile, which I return, and then he nods down at the food. "It's some kind of pasta sauce, there's no meat in it," he turns and places the pan back on the stove. "You _are_ still vegetarian, right?"

I nod and then, realising he still has his back to me, I say "Yes."

I retrieve a couple of glasses from above the sink and fill them with water from the container in the fridge. Charlie puts cutlery on the table, and my heart swells a little at the familiarity of our actions as we move around the kitchen in silence. Just like old times.

It appears neither of us is particularly hungry and we talk more than we eat. Charlie explains to me the treatments he's had so far, as well as the medication he is taking now to control his pain. At one point he gets up and opens a drawer, and shows me the worryingly large collection of pharmacy bottles contained within.

He admits that there is a question over whether he will be allowed to work much longer due to insurance issues, but he has been looking into ways to get round this by way of a disclaimer. The more he talks, the more I can understand his desire to behave as if he doesn't have cancer. He is not ignoring the cancer; he is accepting it, but not allowing it to rob him of his way of life too soon.

I scrape our uneaten meal into the trash and wash up as Charlie lines up his pill bottles on the table. He systematically goes through them, opening the lids, and shaking out the pills, before swallowing an alarming amount in one go. He chases them down with water and then wipes his mouth. "Christ, I'm taking pills for the pain, pills for the tiredness, even pills to counteract the effect of other pills."

I place my hand on his shoulder and squeeze it gently. "I wish there was one to make it all go away."

"You and me both Bells, you and me both."

* * *

**I'm not sure about a posting schedule. The story is already written obviously but I'm now a single parent of two teenagers, I work and I'm doing a degree (I also like to read a lot and hope to start writing again soon too) so I will post regularly but it can be quite time consuming up loading the chapters and posting them so I will probably just post a few chapters at a time when I have some spare time. I will be posting my other stories too, so we'll see how it goes.**

**If you have any questions, feel free to ask.**

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	2. Chapter 2

**It's been so long since I posted on FF that everything has changed. I hope I don't mess this up. Any mistakes are mine.**

* * *

I've always been a light sleeper, especially when I was a little girl. Some of my first memories are of being pressed up against my bedroom window watching Charlie leave for work. Sometimes he'd even come in and kiss my forehead before he left. I loved him with that all encompassing devotion that little girls reserve for their daddy. When I was three years old Charlie was my favourite person in the whole world.

The pinkish hue of the coming dawn filters through the space between my curtains as I listen to Charlie moving around downstairs. I glance at the clock; it's barely five am. I consider going down for a mug of coffee, but I think maybe Charlie still enjoys the solitude of his mornings, so I decide to stay put.

I don't remember the days, or even months, leading up to the day my Mom and I left Forks, but I remember that day as clear as if it was yesterday. They'd spent the morning screaming at each other and I'd sat on the porch watching Mom carrying bags and boxes out of the house, before loading them into the car. Charlie stormed around alternating between shouting at her and staring morosely from the living room window.

I knew she was leaving, because she yelled it a hundred times. But I didn't know I was going too, until she clattered up the porch steps and yanked me into her arms. I remember screaming for Charlie as my teddy bear fell to the ground. I had reached my little hands out to him as I kicked my legs furiously trying to free myself from my mother's grip. I didn't want her to take me away but, more than that, I didn't want him to let her.

I fought as she strapped me into my seat, my head craning to the side trying to see out of the car window. When I could finally see, I'd kept my eyes trained on the front door, willing it to open. Waiting for him to come and set me free, but she slammed the car door, and he was still there in the window, watching and doing nothing. Confused by his inertia, I stopped screaming and pressed my hands to the glass. He turned away.

For a long time after that I thought I hated him.

* * *

I must have drifted off to sleep again, because when my eyes reopen the light is brighter. It's not the bright golden light that slashes across my bed in Florida; it's a muted grey glow that serves only to depress me. I get out of bed, and deciding my need for coffee is stronger than my need to wash I head downstairs. It is almost lunchtime. God knows how I've managed to sleep this late. I am still on Florida time and it is already after three there. Renee will be at work, so I'll call her later.

I open the fridge and pull out the milk carton, frowning at it, because there is barely a teaspoonful of milk in it. I throw the carton in the trash and have my coffee black while I peruse the bottles in what has now become his medicine drawer. I read the names of the drugs but I don't recognise any of them. A rogue thought enters my head. _Edward would_. I slam the drawer and take a few deep breaths before making my way upstairs to take a shower.

I work Charlie's shampoo into my hair, and the scent takes me back. I could be living here again. If I could only be eighteen again, if I could go back and never have met him, and if I had, make a different choice. But, of course, that train of thought is futile, so I squash it down. The hot spray streams down my body, and I wish it could cleanse me of everything.

Shutting off the water, I step out of the shower onto the cold, tiled floor. I wipe the condensation from the mirror and look at my reflection.

Outwardly, I haven't changed much at all since I was eighteen. Though, when I press my fingertips to my cheekbones and stretch the skin, the tiny lines that are just beginning to form disappear. My dark-brown hair still hangs in loose curls, framing my face and shoulders.

Maybe I'm a bit curvier in places, though, my face is slightly more angular and not as rounded with youth, but I still look a lot like the smart-mouthed teenager I used to be. Of course, my smart mouth only served to mask the shit storm of insecurities I held inside. Insecurities I have long since grown out of.

Renee couldn't handle me when puberty hit. She was far too flighty and disorganised to deal with a teenager carrying a chip on her shoulder the size of Texas. I fell in with the obligatory bad crowd, and started working my way through a list of all the things I wasn't legally old enough to do. A list which was comprised mainly of everything that every parent dreads their child might get involved in.

I had only just turned fifteen years old when the police picked me up, along with three of my friends, a couple of miles outside of town. Billy Dunn had managed to hotwire a BMW, and we'd been joyriding through the town in it. Two very irate officers ranted at us down at the station for hours about the dangers of what we'd done, and I was only released because I hadn't actually been driving.

Still riding the buzz of cheap beer and weed, I'd puked on Renee's shoes when she came to pick me up at the station. When she screamed and ranted at me in the car, I laughed in her face. She'd phoned Charlie the next day, and, within the week, I was shipped off to Forks to live with the one man I held responsible for every bad day I'd ever had.

I turn away from the mirror, not allowing my thoughts to take me any further down memory lane.

I quickly get dressed into my usual attire of faded jeans and a plain T-shirt, and scrape my hair into a messy bun. Mindful of the weather, I grab a sweater before heading downstairs to search for the car keys.

* * *

Turns out the grocery store on the corner I used to frequent has closed down. The abandoned building is crumbling and has heavy graffiti-laden boards where the windows used to be. Beside it, the gas station has also been abandoned, and I eye the rusty metal plates, bolted to the ground, which cover the site where the pumps used to sit. At least something has changed.

I drive through town and park in the lot in front of the row of buildings that consist of; Delaney's Bar, Marshall's Mini-Mart, Crawford's shoes and Newton's.

A drizzle of rain is just starting to fall as I thumb the button on the car key and lock the door. I pull up my hood and hurry into Marshall's. It's the kind of shop where the aisles are too cramped, and the shelves haven't been cleaned in eons. The stale smell is an effective deterrent to any would be browser, so I head straight to the fridges in the back and grab a carton of milk. There is only one other person in the shop so, thankfully, there is no line at the checkout.

I put the milk on the counter, and start rummaging in my purse for my wallet.

The girl behind the counter has a shock of bright-pink hair and several piercings on her face. She doesn't even look at me as she reaches out and grabs the carton, slides it over the scanner and holds her hand out for the money without a word. I place the bills in her hand and she pops her chewing gum loudly as the register drawer opens and she makes my change.

I step outside, and I am just about to pull my hood up when I hear a familiar voice.

"Bella?"

I keep walking, hoping there is a chance I'll get away with pretending I didn't hear, but his voice is louder when he calls again.

"Bella Swan!" he calls, his voice full of happy recognition now. "I thought it was you!"

I still haven't turned around, but I know pretending not to hear is futile, so I have no choice but to turn and face him. "Hello Mike."

His face lights up when I finally look at him, and I remember that Mike was one of the good guys; he was never anything but nice to me, even though I played him terribly.

He looks more or less the same: his hair is still in the same style, though starting to recede a little, and he's carrying a few more pounds, but aren't we all? It's just surprising on Mike because he was a true jock back in high school, and I would have had him down as someone who would always stay in shape.

"Wow, I can't believe it's really you!" he grins enthusiastically. A little too enthusiastically in my opinion, but then again hadn't I always had that effect on him? "It must be... what..." he frowns, and I realise he's trying to work out how long it's been, "a good ten years at least. You know, I always ask the Chief how you're doing, he says you're doing good."

"Yeah, I am." I force a smile. I know it's only a matter of time before he brings something up I don't want to talk about. "Look, Mike, it's nice seeing you but I–"

"How long are you in town for?" he asks, ignoring my attempt to ditch him. "Maybe we could meet up— you know— go for a coffee or… or... a bite to eat or something, it'd be really nice to catch up?" he shrugs.

"It would," I agree, and part of me means it. "But I'm heading back home tomorrow so I really don't have the time. I'm sorry."

"The Chief never did say where you were living, anytime I asked." His brow furrows, and his words are coming out slower. I start to back away, but his feet move in tandem with mine, so I can't create any distance between us. "I know it's because of what happened, the whole thing with the case, I hated what they said about you," he looks down at me, and I can feel the heat in my cheeks. "It was that fucker Cullen's fault and–"

"It was a long time ago, Mike, no point going over it again now." I want to defend Edward, tell him it takes two to tango or some bullshit cliché like that, but that would only result in a conversation that I really have no desire to get into.

He sighs, and he's standing so close now I feel his breath on my face. "Yeah, I guess." He turns and stares off into the distance. "I heard he and his wife split; he comes back here from time to time, swaggering around like he owns the fucking place just because he's a hot shot CEO now-"

"Listen, Mike, it's great seeing you and all, but I..." My throat is dry and I hate the emotion evident in my voice. I don't want to hear about Edward Cullen, or his wife. "I have to go."

"I'm sorry," he says quietly, and I close my eyes. It was always like this between us, he is only trying to be nice and I am being a complete bitch. "You're right; it was a long time ago, no point in dragging it over the coals now." He offers me an apologetic smile, like he's asking for forgiveness, so I return it. "Come on, come into the shop with me, I'll make coffee and we can catch up, surely you can spare an old friend half an hour? And I promise, I'll only talk about me."

His grin widens, as does mine, and I nod yes as I punch him lightly on his shoulder. He leads me to the store I worked in for three Saturday afternoons before the shit hit the fan and I could barely show my face outside Charlie's front door.

"I own it now," he explains, as we pass through the doors. "Mom and dad retired a couple years back and passed it on to me."

He leads me through the aisles that are now wider than I remember, and the whole store has a light, airy feel to it. Gone is the disorganised chaos, along with the shelves that were overflowing with everything you could possibly need for a camping or hunting trip.

It seems that Mike has gone for a more specialised store than his parents. Newton's used to sell practically everything, but you had to search through the jumble to find it. Mrs Newton used to claim the chaos was organised, but often it could take upwards of half an hour to find what you were looking for, while she clucked around behind you muttering, "_I'm sure it's around here somewhere._"

He pauses, says a few words to the girl behind the counter, and then I follow him through the double doors into a small breakroom at the end of a narrow corridor. The small table in the corner has three chairs next to it, and there is barely enough room to move. Mike grabs two mugs and fills them with coffee from the bubbling percolator on the counter.

"Take a seat," he says, with his back still to me.

I sit down at the table which wobbles a little, and spot the out-of-date calendar on the wall. It hasn't been turned over since April.

"When did you get back?" he asks, placing a steaming mug in front of me. I sip it tentatively and even though he didn't ask how I take it, he hasn't added any sugar. I wonder if it is a fluke, or if he really does remember how I like my coffee.

He sits down opposite me and shrugs out of his jacket; he must have just been arriving at the store when he spotted me. He blows into his mug before taking a sip and looking up at me expectantly.

"Yesterday," I answer.

It's a little warm since we are sitting right next to the radiator, but I don't want to take my jacket off, which would suggest that I'll be staying longer than the time it'll take to drink my coffee.

"And you're leaving tomorrow?" Naturally, he's surprised.

I'm not sure it will be wise to tell him I'm coming back, but I can hardly avoid it. Forks isn't exactly a thronging city, so our paths will definitely cross again, and I really don't want to offend him any further than I already have.

"I'm going back to Florida..."

"Florida, so that's where you've been living," he says, nodding his head as if I've just revealed one of life's great mysteries.

"Yeah, so I'm going back there to sort a few things, and then I'm going to move in with Charlie for a while."

"Oh!"

"What?"

He shakes his head a little. "Nothing, I'm just surprised, I didn't expect you to ever move back here. "He pauses and his eyes narrow. "Did you get divorced or something?"

I smile. "You said you were only going to talk about you." I remind him, lightly.

He laughs. "Yeah okay- well what is there to tell - I got divorced, just last year." He rubs his neck self-consciously, "She took off with some guy she met in college, after having the girls- I've got two by the way- she said she wanted to go to college and do all the things she missed out on. Turns out she really just wanted to do all the _guys _she missed out on."

He sounds a little bitter but in a philosophical way. Like it was maybe something he'd expected to happen all along, and it didn't surprise him when it did.

"I guess that's what happens when you marry straight out of high school," he shrugs.

"Wait, Jessica?" I stiffen and my mouth pops open. "You guys got _married_ right out of school?"

He nods and smiles ruefully. "Yep, pretty much, I think it was a few months after you left town. I'm surprised the Chief didn't tell you."

"We don't talk much about Forks," I mutter.

"Figures," he nods.

"So where is she now?"

"She lives in Washington D.C. with her latest guy. He's the ambitious type; wants to be a politician," he roots around in his pocket, and pulls out a worn leather wallet which he flips open to reveal a photograph of two blonde-haired, blue-eyed girls. "This is Amy and Louise," he beams proudly.

I take the wallet from him and look at their lovely faces; they really are stunning little girls, all wide-eyed and rosy-cheeked. They both have Mike's long straight nose and thin lips, but the bright blue eyes and silky blonde hair is all Jessica. I hand it back and tell him they are beautiful.

"What about you, you got any kids?"

I stare at him pointedly and he laughs again.

"You must miss your girls," I say, deflecting the attention back to him.

"Oh no, not at all, they live with me; seems Jessica is too busy making up for lost time to be a mom these days." He shakes his head. "Actually, I shouldn't say that, it wasn't an easy decision for her to make– leaving them with me– but I guess deep down she knew I could offer them more stability than she could at the time. She takes them for a month in the summer and visits as often as she can."

Having no desire to get into a conversation about Jessica, I drain the last of my coffee and glance at my watch. He catches me doing it.

"Well, it was really great to see you again, Bella," he says, standing up and I'm relieved that he doesn't try to talk me into staying longer. "Maybe when you get back we could have dinner sometime?"

"Yeah, I'd like that," I say, and his grin widens unbearably. "I'll stop by when I get back."

It wouldn't do me any harm to make a few friends here. God knows I have enough enemies.

"You make sure you do that," he says pointedly.

I drive back to Charlie's with my music on and the windows down, much like I do in Florida, and in spite of the cold here. But then I pass the Clinic, and an image of Edward comes unbidden to mind, and my mood instantly sours. I won't be able to avoid him or his family forever.

Once I'm back at Charlie's I make myself a coffee, with milk this time, and then I call Renee and tell her Charlie's news. She asks me a ton of questions— mostly the ones I already asked Charlie myself— and then admits she suspected it might be something like this. Her voice is thick with emotion as we talk, and it touches me, because, even though she and Charlie have had no relationship to speak of for more than twenty years— save for the times they had to talk about me— she still genuinely cares about him.

She questions the wisdom of me moving up here, and voices her concerns that it might be a lot more difficult for me than I realize. But I am resolute in my decision to do this, so she backs off eventually. I talk to Jacob briefly and explain everything to him, before telling them both I love them and I'll see them tomorrow.

Since I have a couple of hours before Charlie is due home, I go to my room and set about stripping it of all the memories of the girl I used to be. By the time he gets home, I have filled four sacks full of my teenage belongings, ready for the trash. The walls are bare, the drawers empty and for the first time since I got here I am satisfied, like I have a blank canvas on which to start again.

He shuffles through the door around five, looking positively haggard. His face is even paler than it was yesterday and it looks to me like there is a yellow tinge to it. I notice the lethargy in his movements as he takes his jacket off and wearily throws it on the back of a chair. His breathing is a little labored, and he leans heavily on the chair for a moment, before standing upright and pretending he is okay.

I move towards him, concerned by his appearance, but he stops me with a wave of his hand. I can see he doesn't want me to fuss, and, not wanting to make him more uncomfortable, I turn back to the stove.

"I'm cooking fish for dinner," I say with forced calm. "I thought I might as well start trying to make a dent in that fish mountain in your freezer."

His voice is full of apology when he speaks. "Sorry, Bella, I don't have much of an appetite tonight."

He looks like he might be in pain. I notice the tightening around his eyes and the slight whiteness beneath the skin around his lips.

"Can I get you anything?" I ask, laying a hand on his arm.

He shakes his head and opens the drawer. I pour him a glass of water while he takes his pills out and starts opening the bottles. He knocks them back and turns to face me.

"I'll just go lie down for a while."

I bite my lip as I nod. "I'll check on you in a couple of hours, in case you need anything."

He doesn't reply, and I stand in the kitchen with tears in my eyes as I listen to him slowly make his way up the stairs.

I take the fish outside and dump it in the trash.

* * *

A sudden noise wakes me, and, disorientated, I lie in the dark trying to figure out what it was.

I had checked on Charlie just after eight but, he was sound asleep and I'd figured if he needed anything he'd have woken up on his own anyway, so I left him sleeping. I'd curled up on the sofa with Wuthering Heights— which had survived the cull in my room— but by eleven I had been too tired to read anymore, so after checking on Charlie again, I'd given up and gone to bed.

I hear a low groan. I stop breathing and listen. It happens again. It's a low, pained noise that reminds me of a wounded animal. I come to my senses and realise its Charlie. Leaping out of bed, I hurry to his room as the groans persist. He is lying on his side, doubled over, and his face is scrunched into a tight grimace.

"Dad!" I yell in fright, as his groans increase in both volume and intensity.

I hover over him not sure what to do, as he clutches his stomach. There is a thin film of sweat covering his face, and his throat rasps when he sucks air into his lungs through his clenched teeth. His eyes are shut tightly, and his jaw gritted against his obvious pain.

My heart hammers in my chest, my brain stalling as panic sets in. His hand shoots out, and he points a shaky finger at his dresser. I whirl round and rush towards it, sure that he wants me to fetch something, but not knowing what I'm looking for.

I scoop up the pile of papers strewn across the top, and push them into his trembling hands. He shakes violently as he struggles to rearrange them, and feel less than useless as I fumble to help him. Eventually, he hands them back to me and the top one has his writing on it. I stare at it for a moment trying to make sense of what it is. In my panicked state my brain is suddenly having trouble coping with basic functions, and my blood is starting to feel cold in my veins. At first, I feel like I'm looking at hieroglyphics, but as suck in a few deep breaths forcing myself to calm down a little, it morphs into a telephone number.

I pick up the phone by his bed and dial. The numbers seem vaguely familiar as my fingers fly over the keypad. I listen to the recorded message informing me I have called the Medical Center, and am being put through to the on call doctor. After a pause, punctuated by mechanical beeps, a disturbingly familiar voice greets me.

"Dr. Cullen."

I am momentarily distracted, but Charlie's loud groan penetrates my senses, and I find my voice.

"I-i-it's my father, he's in pain!" I blurt, trying to focus on Charlie, and what I need to tell the doctor. "He has cancer, he just woke up and he's really in a lot of pain. I don't know what to do, he has some... It's Charlie!"

"I'll be right there."

The line disconnects, and I sit on the edge of the bed, gripping Charlie's hand and smoothing my fingers through his sweat-soaked hair. "Its okay, the doctor will be here soon," I promise, trying desperately to sound calmer than I feel.

He grips my arm tightly, and his mouth moves attempting to speak, but I place my finger against his lips and shake my head. I leave him only when I hear the banging on the door. I practically fly downstairs, and throw the door wide, feeling more relieved than I ever have in my life, and thanking God someone is here to help him.

Even if it is Carlisle Cullen.

* * *

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	3. Chapter 3

Carlisle's light blond hair reflects the moonlight as he stands in the doorway. I step aside indicating, wordlessly, that he should come in. When he does, the light from the hallway illuminates his face revealing his grim expression.

He opens his mouth to speak, but a loud groan emanates from Charlie's room and his mouth snaps shut again. His eyes are dark with concern as he brushes past me and strides to the stairs. He rushes up to Charlie's room and I stand nervously at the bottom of the stairs.

I pace anxiously between the living room and kitchen, as Charlie's groans at first get louder and more desperate, but then finally start to lessen. In the quiet of the night I can hear Carlisle's muffled voice as he soothes him.

I sag onto the sofa, exhausted and completely terrified by the whole episode. Thoughts start to race through my mind: _How bad is this going to get? What if I can't do this?_

The last thing I want is to come here and end up being a burden to him. I have no idea what to expect, and the thought of watching Charlie suffering terribly, or slowly wasting away, scares me.

All is quiet upstairs, and every minute feels like an hour before, at last, I hear the creak of the bedroom door opening, followed by the gentle click of it closing again. I don't feel apprehensive at all about facing Carlisle because I am desperate to hear what he has to say about Charlie.

His footsteps are soft as he descends, and I rise to meet him as he comes into the room.

"He's comfortable now," he says, in that quiet, soothing voice of his. I remember thinking a long time ago, that his voice is perfect for his chosen profession. "I've given him a low dose of oral morphine to ease the pain. He'll be drowsy for a while, so it's best to let him sleep it off."

"Has this happened before?" I ask, alarmed by the mere mention of morphine.

He nods. "This is the second time that I know of." He looks me in the eye. "It won't be the last. Did he ask you to call me?"

His question takes me by surprise. "He gave me the number for the Medical Center, I wasn't sure what it was until I dialled."

He sighs heavily and purses his lips. "He is under the care of Dr. Sharp at the hospital. He should really have asked you to call or take him there."

"Did you tell him that the last time?"

"Yes, but he has been disregarding a lot of advice lately."

"He knows how he wants to handle this," I say, defensively.

"That's fine now, when he can still cope relatively well, but it won't always be like this, Bella. He has to consider the fact that his symptoms will necessitate hospital treatment." He sounds stern.

"I want what's best for him too, but I also respect that he wants to try to maintain the status quo for as long as he can."

He regards me for a long moment, his expression inscrutable. "How long will you be in town?"

"For as long as he needs me." I can't say _until the end_, even though it's what I'm thinking.

He sets his bag down on the floor and moves towards me. I instinctively sit down as he approaches and he sits at the other end of the sofa.

"I'll be calling Dr. Sharp in the morning to let him know about Charlie's symptoms. You should find out when his next appointment is, and it would be a good idea if you could go with him." He takes a deep breath. "Your father's cancer is very aggressive and has spread to his stomach, liver and colon." He looks into my eyes. "It's important that you know what you are dealing with here, Bella. Charlie is very sick and I understand that he wants to hold on to as much normality as he can, but he is not being realistic."

Tears sting my eyes, and my heart drops like a stone in my chest. "I'll do whatever it takes to make this easier for him, but I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what to expect."

"Dr. Sharp will tell you everything you need to know." He pulls his bag towards him and reaches inside. I watch as he writes something on a piece of paper then hands it to me. "This is Dr. Sharp's number. Call his secretary in the morning and find out when Charlie's next appointment is."

I take the number from him and slip it into my pocket.

"You should at least try to talk to Charlie, come up with an agreement about what to do when he suffers like he is tonight. I understand what he wants to do, but he doesn't have to suffer needlessly just because he doesn't trust us not to lock him up in the hospital." He moves forward slightly as if he's going to get up, but then he turns to me again. "Do you think you can cope with this?"

I swallow and nod. I'll have to learn how to handle this but I don't tell him that.

His eyes soften momentarily, but then he is all business again. "Good." He stands up. "Make sure he gets as much rest as possible today."

"I'm meant to be going back to Florida today," I explain, as we start moving towards the door. "I need to sort some things out before I can come back here permanently. I don't want to leave him, but I'd rather not put it off if I can help it. Will he need someone to be here with him?"

There is no flicker of interest on his face when I reveal where I've been living, in fact, it occurs to me that there has been no reaction at all from him to my presence here. He is calm and professional, and any outsider observing our exchange would never guess that we'd even met before. I like his detachment because that is all I want from any of the Cullens.

"He might be a little drowsy from the effects of the morphine for the next twenty-four hours, but he should regain some strength after that. Is there anyone else who can be here while you're away?"

"Yes, I'll call Sue Clearwater," I confirm. "She's been helping him recently. I'm sure she'd keep an eye on him for a day or two. The quicker I can get things settled and get back here the better."

He nods. "If it's like last time, he'll be okay in a day or two."

"Thank you."

He doesn't respond.

I twist the handle and open the door. An icy blast of cold air whips into the hallway making me shiver.

He steps past me out onto the porch. I thank him again, but before I get the chance to say goodbye he turns. His eyes are hard and for the first time tonight, I see the contempt in them.

"When you come back you should probably expect a visit from Alice."

And with that he turns and walks away.

His words surprise me. My last conversation with Alice ended with her telling me she didn't want to have anything to do with me ever again. She'd been trembling with the force of her hatred for me. I'd never seen Alice like that, and I didn't relish the thought of witnessing it again.

I watch the tail-lights on Carlisle's car disappear out of sight and lean heavily on the door after I close it. Being hated by the Cullens is not the worst thing in my life right now. I take the stairs two at a time to check on Charlie.

He is propped up on his pillows and I am relieved to hear his soft snores. I step closer to the bed. My heart plummets in my chest at the sight of him looking so thin and frail. His hair is still damp from the sweating, and I pick up a tissue from his nightstand to blot the moisture from his forehead. My tears spill over, and even though I know he won't wake up yet, I leave the room so he won't catch me crying. I go back downstairs.

There is no way I will be able to get back to sleep, so I take my coat off the hook and shrug it on before slipping outside.

The bench on the porch looks like it has recently had a new coat of varnish. I look around, noting that Charlie has taken very good care of the house and yard. Sitting down on the cold wood, I rummage around in my pocket looking for my cigarettes and lighter.

I'm not much of a smoker; I only usually smoke in times of stress—there have been a lot of them over the years. In fact, it amazes me that my crutch hasn't developed into a two pack a day habit.

I light up, sucking the smoke into my lungs as my eyes drift closed. I enjoy the initial sting that blooms into something pleasurable which seems to gather up some of my tension, before releasing it when I exhale.

My thoughts drift to Jacob. I miss him so much and I hope that Sue Clearwater won't be too busy to come and help out while I go home. I don't want to delay it; I just want to go home, sort things out and bring Jacob back here with me. I need him here.

I sit on the porch chain smoking for awhile and thinking about all that's to come. I can still see Carlisle's cold stare before he left. I've been on the receiving end of that particular look from more than one Cullen in the past, and I don't doubt I'll be seeing it again. In fact I don't doubt that I'll be on the receiving end of much worse in the weeks and months to come.

* * *

Sue agrees to help as soon as I ask her and arrives just after lunchtime. I'm exhausted since I haven't slept at all. She sweeps into the hallway when I open the door. I might've been irritated by her forwardness if she didn't look so concerned. Worry is etched on her face as she holds out the small stack of plastic containers she is carrying. My arms automatically open to accept them.

"How is he?" she asks, her eyes fixed on the stairs.

"He's asleep. He woke up for a little while this morning, He's not in any pain now."

Removing her jacket en route, she walks straight to the stairs before stopping and turning. "You don't mind if I go straight up do you?"

"Not at all, but like I said, he's sleeping."

"Be sure to put those containers in the fridge," she says, disregarding what I said.

She leaves me standing at the bottom of the stairs, staring down at the containers of food in bemusement.

He must have woken up, because I hear the muffled tones of their voices as soon as Sue goes into his room. It sounds like she's lightly reprimanding him, and at a guess I'd say it has something to do with his stubborn desire to continue working.

When he woke up this morning he tried to get out of bed, and it was only the fact that he didn't have the strength to even sit up properly that forced him to lie back down again; otherwise, I'm convinced he would have tried to get his uniform on.

I carry the containers into the kitchen to put them away.

While Sue is with Charlie, I take the opportunity to get my things together and prepare for my trip home. I call Jacob and Renee to let them know what time to expect me, my heart soars when I hear Jacob's voice. He is missing me as much as I miss him.

Almost an hour later, Sue comes down and joins me in the kitchen. She sits at the table making it obvious she wants to talk. I pour two mugs of coffee and set one down in front of her before sitting down in the chair opposite her.

"I'm glad you're coming back to look after him," she says. "He's missed you a lot and I can see how happy he is to have you here."

"I couldn't leave him to deal with this alone."

Her full lips spread into a wide smile and she nods. "I'm glad you two finally worked things out. He's a good man and he has carried a lot of guilt over the years."

I stare at her. "What?"

She picks up her mug and takes a sip. "You gave him such a hard time when you were a teenager. He tried his best, but his guilt made him indulge you when he should have been firmer."

Her words aren't bitter or recriminating. She is merely stating fact. Sue has always been a straight talker.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I don't mean to be rude, but I care about Charlie a lot, and I know how difficult it has been for him missing out on so much of your life."

I swallow around the lump in my throat. For the past ten years I have conducted my relationship with Charlie over the phone. In some ways I think it has been good for us, because we talk far more freely on the phone than we ever do face to face. But there is no way of getting around the fact that we have missed out on so much. And the blame for that lies squarely with me.

There have been a lot of apologies from both of us over the years and we are finally at a place where the future, as short as it might be, means more to us than the past. It saddens me that I didn't have the courage to come back here, even just to visit him. Now our time is running out, and I am filled with regrets and what-might-have-beens.

Sue reaches across the table and covers my hand with hers. "I'm here for_ you_ too, Bella, you don't have to do this alone."

Tears slide down my cheeks as I cling onto her hand. "I need to talk to him, to get him to face up to this. I think he's hiding from it, and it's only going to make it harder for him in the long run."

She squeezes my fingers gently. "We can both talk to him and try to get him to slow down a bit. I know he won't accept the chemo, but I think when he realizes he's making things more difficult for himself he'll come around to the other treatments."

We talk for a while, and she tells me about how Charlie tried to ignore the fact that he was sick for a long time. There is deep regret in her voice when she talks about how Harry was so worried about him but couldn't convince him to see a doctor before it was too late.

Harry died of a heart attack, it was quick and sudden and Sue says that as shocking as it was, she's glad he didn't have to face anything like what Charlie is facing. She reassures me that I won't be dealing with this alone because she will be with us every step of the way.

I brush away my tears. "I can't thank you enough, Sue, for everything."

* * *

Charlie has slept for most of the day. I have an hour left before Seth gets here and I have to leave. I'm conflicted between my reluctance to leave and my need to see Jacob.

I've been sitting here on Charlie's bed for the last half-hour holding his clammy hand, watching him sleep. His sleep is fitful and I wish I could soothe him. Judging by his slight discomfort, it seems the morphine is wearing off already.

Seeing Charlie like this makes me regret the years I wasted hating him for doing what he thought was best for me. I wish, more than ever, that I could go back and do it all differently. He stood by me through everything. He helped me run away from the mess I made, while he stayed here dealing with all the gossip and disapproval that had been aimed at me.

He stirs and his eyes open. His lids flutter a little as he tries to focus on my face.

"How are you feeling?" I ask, gripping his hand.

His response is a low grunt.

He slips his hand out of mine and rubs his face; he already looks more alert. He moves stiffly as he tries to sit up a little. I grab a couple of pillows and prop them behind him. He sighs and then takes my hands in his.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he croaks. "I don't want to be a burden to you. Maybe you should stay in Florida. It's not right that you're giving everything up to come here–"

"Don't say that, I want to come. I want to look after you."

He is fully lucid now and his grip is firmer as he looks into my eyes. "What you saw last night, that won't be the worst of it."

"I know," I insist. "I talked to Dr. Cullen, he told me to expect worse. I'm staying, Dad. I'm not leaving you to cope alone."

He frowns. "I don't want to put you through this."

"You're not putting me through anything, but you have to promise me that you'll accept help. You can't ignore it any longer."

He closes his eyes. "I don't want the chemo, Bella."

"I know that, but you have to slow down, Dad. You have to trust me. And you have to let me take you to the hospital if you need to go."

His eyes fly open. "No hospital!"

"Dad, you don't have to suffer, that's all I'm saying. They won't hold you prisoner."

"I don't want to spend what time I have left in a goddamn hospital."

"It won't be like that. You have to trust the doctors, Dad." I take a deep breath. "And maybe you should consider giving up work, or at least reducing it a bit."

His lips tremble. "Bella, I don't want to just hang around here waiting to die."

I can barely speak around the lump in my throat. "You won't. I'll be here, and Jacob too, we can spend time together. Do all the things we didn't get around to before." I clutch his hands. "You could take us fishing, Jake would love that!"

His eyes are shimmering with tears. "I'm scared, Bella," he whispers.

He pulls me against his chest and wraps his arms around me as we both cry.

"I'll be here, Dad, we'll get through this together."

Even though there can be no happy ending, I know we can make the most of the time we have left.

My tears subside eventually, and he presses his lips to my head. "I love you, Bella," he murmurs.

"I love you too, Dad."

I lie with my cheek pressed against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart as his breathing slows and he drifts back to sleep.

A sharp knock on the door startles me and Charlie's arms tighten around me reflexively. I slip out of his embrace, relieved that he doesn't wake, and tip-toe out of his room. I hurry downstairs, hoping that whoever it is doesn't knock again before I get to the door. My bag is already sitting in the hallway in preparation for my departure, and I almost trip over it in my haste to answer the door.

I am expecting to see Seth, but my eyes widen when I see Alice standing on the porch. My heart lurches in my chest.

"Alice," I gasp.

Even though Carlisle warned me he would tell her, I didn't expect her to show up so soon. Despite her diminutive stature, she still cuts an imposing figure standing in the doorway wearing a grim expression. She is wearing a red, wool coat and shiny, black knee-high boots. Her dark hair is cut into a short funky style, which suits her heart shaped face. She looks elegant and sophisticated, and I briefly wonder what she's made of her life.

I glance over my shoulder, worried that a scene might disturb Charlie, before stepping outside and closing the door quietly behind me. She takes a step back, keeping her eyes trained on my face; her expression is inscrutable.

"Dad told me you were back," she says slowly. She walks the few steps to the railing and leans on it still facing me, still appraising me with her unfathomable eyes. "But you're leaving today."

Carlisle has clearly relayed every word that was exchanged between us last night.

"I need to sort some things out at home."

"Home," she says bitterly. "Florida, right?"

I nod.

She turns her back to me and her fingers grip the railing, I watch her knuckles whiten. "I tried to find out where your mother lived. I knew it was somewhere in Arizona, but she'd moved by the time I found her address in Phoenix."

"You looked for me?" I can't hide my shock.

She pushes away from the railing, straightening. "You left without a word, and it seems you weren't entirely honest about everything."

I swallow. _She can't possibly know_!

My eyes meet hers, and there is softness in them that I didn't expect to see. Whatever she thinks she knows it's not the truth. If she knew that, there would be nothing but hatred in her eyes.

"Yeah, well, honesty was never my forte, was it?" I bite out, feigning nonchalance.

She turns again, her movements controlled, graceful. "I spoke to Jessica after you left. She told me the truth."

"What truth?" I don't want the way out she's offering me; it'll be easier to keep the Cullens at arm's length if they continue to hate me. "I told you what happened. I'm not interested in Jessica's lies."

I look away. I can't watch the effect of my words. Alice Cullen should be the least of my concerns right now, but she was once my best friend and part of me wants to hug her and tell her I'm sorry for everything. But I steel myself against that emotion, because I don't want her or her family in my life and if I have to hurt her to achieve that, then I'll do it.

"She admitted to me that she lied, Bella. I know you didn't tell her anything and I know why you went along with her story." She steps closer. "You did it for him, didn't you? You wanted to make it easier on him."

I can't stand the reverence in her voice; it would be so easy to say yes, to accept the olive branch. But it's not just my feelings that I have to consider, so I compound the lie. "I came back here because Charlie is sick. I don't care about you or your family or what happened in the past. I just want to be left alone to look after my dad. So if you don't mind, I have things to do."

I stare pointedly at her car, struggling to hold my resolve.

She doesn't move and after an interminable silence, I finally look at her. Her features are distorted with shock and her eyes are hardening behind her unshed tears. "I thought maybe there was a chance, we could work this out," she spits. "But I can see this was a mistake. Give my regards to Charlie."

I don't say anything.

Her yellow Porsche is parked in the driveway and she stalks towards it. Everything about her is achingly familiar: her graceful gait, the stiff determination in her posture as she fights her urge to look back, her clenched fists. This is exactly how she looked the last time she walked away from me.

But she surprises me.

She turns and walks back to me. "After I spoke to Jessica, I actually believed that maybe you said all those hateful things to make it easier for him to let you go," she accuses. She stares at me expectantly and I shift under her gaze, her brows furrow and then her lips curl. "But you don't give a shit do you?"

"I hope Edward, Irina and their family are very happy and I extend that to the rest of you. But, please, don't come back here. There's really no point in going over it all again." I say turning my back on her and opening the door.

"The baby was stillborn," she says.

Her words have all the impact of a sledgehammer and my mouth gapes as I whirl to face her. My mind reels, I've spent the last ten years imagining Edward and Irina living the American dream somewhere with their beautiful brood.

"Charlie didn't tell you?" she asks, evidently seeing my shock.

I shake my head.

"Well, now you know," she says, with true venom in her voice. "And he came back for you, you should ask Charlie about that."

"What do you mean?"

"He tried to do the right thing by Irina, but he still loved you, so he came back for you. Charlie wouldn't tell him where you were so we went to Phoenix." She folds her arms. "His feelings for you were real; it wasn't a game to him. You'd only been gone two months when he came back."

_So he left her before the birth_.

I back up towards the door. I don't want to hear this because it changes everything. It makes what I did ten times worse and I can't deal with that.

She comes closer and her expression is gentler. "You did lie, didn't you?"

_More than you know!_

"I'm sorry for turning my back on you," she says gently.

"Alice, don't!" My hand fumbles behind me as I search for the door handle. "Just leave, please."

Hurt flashes in her eyes as I stumble backwards in to the house, and it's the last thing I see before I close the door on her.

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**

**Kat**


	4. Chapter 4

On the long flight back to Florida, my mind goes on a journey of its own, and I find myself swamped by memories I have long suppressed.

I knew what I was doing when I was fifteen; everything I did was calculated to cause Charlie as much stress and embarrassment as possible. So on my first day at Forks High, I sought out the loudest, most obnoxious group and wangled my way into it. I simpered over Jessica and Lauren and flirted with the boys.

But it turned out they weren't half as bad as they looked, and it was I who was always making the dares and courting trouble for us. Forks didn't offer much in the way of trouble making opportunities, so I would enlist the help of Lauren and Jessica and we'd talk Tyler into asking his older brother, Mark, to take us to Port Angeles on the weekends.

We'd spend either Friday or Saturday night – sometimes both – hanging out in Mark and his friend's cars. I was as reckless and irresponsible as I could be, and sometimes I shudder to think what might have happened to me if it wasn't for Mike and Eric. For all their bravado they were good boys underneath it all, and in their own way they looked out for us girls.

Mark was a good looking guy, but he knew it. Like Tyler, he had smooth dark skin and a wide inviting mouth, but where Tyler's chocolate eyes were kind and, usually, filled with humor, Mark's were hard – and often cruel. Mark was also taller and more muscular than his younger brother, which leant weight to his menacing demeanor.

Tyler was the kind of guy you'd be attracted to on sight, and his fun loving personality added to his appeal, however, Mark's lewd aggressive behaviour quickly quashed any physical attraction one might initially feel towards him. He was a real piece of work. He had a cruel streak, and liked nothing more than to coax his friends into trying it on with us girls. Mike and Eric, though, were very good at diffusing situations with a combination of humor, quick thinking, and finding ways to let us girls know when to rein it in.

Like one Saturday night a few months after I moved to Forks, when – fuelled on vodka stolen from Jessica's mom – I made out with his friend Brad in the back of Mark's car. Mark was making disgusting comments to Brad, and I was just starting to get uncomfortable and having to restrain Brad slightly, when Mike made a comment that he thought I looked like I was going to puke. I took the out instantly, and hammed it up impressively.

Mike offered to help me walk it off. He helped me out of the car, and made a great show of holding me up as he practically dragged me down the street. We talked for a while that night and Mike had tried to draw my feelings out of me. I managed to resist even though he was the first person since I'd come to Forks who had shown any indication that he thought there was more to me than the persona I was projecting.

For the first time in months I felt like I was really being listened to, and I couldn't help but connect with Mike – albeit tentatively. Jessica, of course, wasn't best pleased and the tension between us was born.

Lauren and Jessica became bitchier than ever but it only strengthened my resolve to stay a part of the gang; I seemed to get a kick out of annoying people. Any time the girls tried to ditch me or leave me out of plans, Mike would always step in and make sure I was included.

The more I tried to hurt Charlie, the more empty and miserable I felt myself.

Charlie tried everything: grounding me, driving me to and from school, and lecturing me. But none of it made any difference. Looking back now I can see how guilt ridden and clueless he was. His job demanded a lot of his time leaving me with plenty of opportunities to come and go as I pleased. Even when he was at home to keep an eye on me it made no difference, because I quickly became an expert at climbing the tree outside my window.

He employed different tactics; lecturing me one day, shouting at me the next. He'd tried ignoring my behaviour, but when that it made it worse, he went back to the charade of trying to ground me.

All I had to do was talk to him and tell him how I was feeling, but I didn't know how. I'd spent so many years believing the fallacy that he didn't love or want me that all I could do was punish him for a crime he hadn't even committed.

Regret washes over me when I think about how he held me earlier. We could have always had that bond if I hadn't been carrying a pointless grudge. He just didn't know how to reach me and even if he did I wouldn't have let him. I've never felt closer to him than I did today. It took me years to develop that bond with Renee, and yet today it was there with my father. I was that little girl again, full of adoration, while I listened to the rhythm of his heart.

I think of the people I feel that connection with now: Renee, Charlie and Jacob, and inevitably my thoughts turn to Edward. I felt it with him too. He was the first person, aside from my parents, I allowed myself to love unconditionally.

"What would you like to drink?"

I am startled out of my reverie by the flight attendant looking at me expectantly. I blink a couple of times trying to focus on her cart. I point to the miniature of Jack Daniels and then ask for a Diet Coke too.

Since Renee is picking me up I don't have to worry about my alcohol consumption, and God knows I need it.

I down it in two swallows and fatigue hits me instantly. I push the plastic tumbler into the corner of the lap tray, and I recline my seat as far as I can without disturbing the person behind me. I close my eyes but Edward's face swims behind my eyelids, and they snap open again. My thoughts turn to the Cullens.

I was paired up with Alice when we were going on a biology field trip. I remember dreading it because Alice was very quiet at school, and I'd noticed that she had that knowing look about her –like she could see right through people and past all the bullshit. She didn't seem to mix at all but chose to sit alone in the corner of the cafeteria at lunch, reading.

Surprisingly, she was a lot of fun on that trip. Her enthusiasm was infectious and she talked non-stop. She told me she'd lived in Forks all her life and seemed fascinated by the fact that I had lived in Phoenix. God alone knows why. She asked me countless questions and it came as something of a shock to me that I was actually willing to answer them. I'd never met anyone so interested in me before, and it was hard not to feel flattered by it.

On the bus on the way back to school our conversation turned to her. She told me about her two older brothers, Emmett and Edward. Edward was nine years older than her and was studying to become a doctor. Honestly she went on and on about him like he was the second coming. I was barely listening by the time she got to Emmett and from what I could gather; he'd had some sort of sports injury that had ruined his aspirations to become a professional football player. Emmett was a lot older than her too. Alice was very much the baby of the family.

The day after the field trip Alice sat beside me in the cafeteria. She just walked right up to the table and plonked herself down like it was the most normal thing in the world. She didn't seem to notice the wide-eyed stares as she launched straight into a conversation with me about my hair, of all things. She wanted to style it for me. That memory brings a smile to my face. She always asked to do my hair but I would never let her and it used to drive her mad with frustration.

I gradually saw more of Alice and less of the gang. I found Lauren and Jessica's bitchiness tiresome, and I was getting tired of keeping up the charade with Charlie. I liked spending time at the Cullens.

Alice's father wasn't around a lot, but their home was a very happy one and they were more than willing to welcome me into it. Alice and I became very close and I loved her family, but when Edward moved back home with his wife Irina, everything started to change.

The first time I met Edward was as a patient. He'd just started at Forks Medical Center and when I arrived for my appointment they told me they'd switched me to Dr. Cullen because Dr. Baker was on an emergency house call. I'd thought about cancelling the appointment but it had taken me weeks to get round to making it so I went ahead.

I had ridiculous acne all over my back and it was starting to spread. I'd called Renee and she suggested going to the doctor and asking for Yasmin, which she informed me, would clear up the acne and was also an oral contraceptive, so I suspected she thought she was killing two birds with one stone.

The appointment was a complete nightmare. If I'd known he was going to do a pap smear I would definitely have cancelled. It was bad enough that he was doing it, but he called a nurse in to observe the procedure too. Before I knew it, I was naked from the waist down, my feet were in stirrups, and he was looming over me with a beet red face trying to look professional but not really managing it. I decided it might not be the best time to announce that I was his sister's best friend.

The next time I went to the Cullen's for dinner was highly embarrassing to say the least. I never saw him in a professional capacity again after that first appointment. But it still came back to haunt us.

The seat belt light comes on, and the captain announces that we'll be beginning our descent in a few minutes. There is a flurry of activity around me, and amid the cacophony of snapping seat-belt buckles and slamming lap trays, I let go of my memories and turn my attention to today.

I can't wait to get off the plane and see Renee and Jacob, but the mere thought of Jacob has my stomach plummeting. I've convinced myself for years that Edward was happy, living with his wife and child – possibly children – and that what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. He had everything he wanted, except maybe his career, but knowing Edward he'll have made the best of even that.

I spent a lot of time thinking out on the porch last night. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I could just breeze back to Forks with Jacob and tell the Cullens to butt out. Jacob is mine, Edward chose his path and I chose mine and there was nothing more to it than that.

However, that's not possible now. Not now that I know Edward was tragically robbed of the chance to raise one child, and I cruelly robbed him of the other.

As soon as I come through the gate I see Renee waving her hat in the air. Jacob is standing smiling beside her. He's at that age where he thinks he's too cool to miss his mom, but he just can't fight it. I watch with amusement as he, at first, walks slowly towards me but then his emotions take over and he flies into my arms.

I hug him to me pressing my face into his hair, and enjoy the feel of him wrapped around me.

"I missed you sweetheart," I breathe, feeling a rush of love so strong I fear I might crush him completely. I pull back and look at him. "Whatare you _wearing_?"

I take in the white suit he is wearing. It has black writing down the arms and a black leather belt – which looks suspiciously like one of mine – is wrapped tightly around his middle. His thin wrists and a considerable length of forearm poke out of each sleeve, and the trousers are flying at half mast. He grins back at me and Karate chops my arm, while making a weird high pitched noise.

I look at Renee who is beaming proudly. "We watched _The Karate Kid_ on cable the other night, Jacob loved it, and he wanted to be Daniel San." She ruffles his hair and grins. "We found this in the Goodwill store yesterday." She looks down at Jacob. "And we bought the sequels on DVD."

"Mom, it's two sizes too small for him and besides it's a Taekwondo suit."

She rolls her eyes at me and pulls me into a strong hug. "You're so pedantic. It's all the same thing."

Jacob chops my arm again, and starts quoting Mr. Miyagi as we make our way to the exit. By the time we get to the parking lot, he's 'waxing on and waxing off' and giving me a very detailed account of how this will turn him into a third-dan black belt overnight.

Every time Jacob enjoys a film he wants to become the main character, and Renee always indulges him. When he watched _The Lion King_, she made him a lion costume out of old brown towels. He wore that damn thing to bed every night for a month before it fell apart. He'd have worn it during the day too if I let him.

I grimace at his ridiculous outfit as he scrambles into the car. I don't mind indulging him at home but it's so like Renee to bring him out looking like he fell into a laundry basket and came out wearing completely random clothes.

Jacob straps himself in and I close the door. Renee touches my arm.

"You okay?"

Two words and I almost burst into tears. I can't speak so I nod but then shake my head.

"We'll talk later," she promises, pulling me into a tight hug.

I sit in the back with Jacob, and he chatters incessantly about Karate and "Daniel San" all the way home. He informs me he's going to build a house like Mr. Miyagi's and I'm going to live in it with him.

I stare at him as he talks, and all I can think about is how much he looks like Edward; his hair is darker but in the sun there is a definite spark of red in it, his eyes are more hazel than green, but they are the same shape as Edwards. He has the same straight nose and he even smiles crookedly too.

Everyone in Forks who knows Edward will recognise Jacob as soon as they see him. There's no way I can keep this secret. That much is as plain as the Cullen nose on Jacob's face.

Renee takes us to her house, insisting that we have dinner with her before she takes me to my apartment. I happily agree because I know we need to talk. I smile when she says I look like I could do with some nice home cooked food, and then proceeds to pick up the phone and order take out.

After dinner Phil takes Jacob into the front room to watch the second instalment of _The Karate Kid_, and Renee and I finally have the chance to talk. She makes us some virgin cocktails, and leads me out into the garden to the sun loungers by the pool.

I sit back on the lounger and admire the sky; it's so nice to see it as opposed to the grey blanket of cloud that conceals it in Forks. The sun is slipping in the sky, but it still burns a bright orange hole into the otherwise perfect blue canvas.

"Are you sure you're doing the right thing?" Renee asks, tipping her straw hat back slightly and looking at me over her sun glasses.

I called her the morning after Carlisle's visit and told her that I wanted to stay in Forks to look after Charlie. She wasn't exactly enamoured of the idea, and judging by her concerned expression she still isn't.

"I'm sure," I insist. "I want to be with him, to help him through it."

"What about Jacob?"

I sigh. "I know it won't be easy for him to re-adjust, but it might only be for a few months–" my voice catches. "I want him to get to know Charlie."

She leans forward and takes my hand. "Charlie is going to get very sick, it might be hard on Jacob being exposed to that."

"Mom, I have to do this and I need Jacob with me. It's not like we'll be sitting by Charlie's sick bed watching him...we'll be fine!"

She nods her head. "What about your jobs?"

It's not like Renee to be practical so I realise she's given this a lot of thought. "I don't know when I'll be back, so I'll have to quit."

She looks at me sharply.

"Mom, I'll get another waitressing gig when I get back and there will always be offices to clean."

I don't tell her that Charlie said he intends to leave me his house. I don't even know if she's given it any thought. But as much as I hate the idea of it, I know that house will one day be mine and because of that, I don't have to worry about my jobs for a while.

I've always had to work around Jacob. Renee travels a lot with Phil, so I could never fully rely on her help. I had to give up my job at the library when Jacob broke his leg jumping off the roof of my car the day after we watched _Superman Returns_. Renee was out of the country for a few months, and I had no one to look after Jacob while I worked. Now I have two jobs; I wait tables during the day and I clean offices in the evening. I can't say I'll be sad to quit either of them.

"You'll have to tell him about Edward," she says quietly.

I suck in a deep breath and exhale slowly, but it does little to relieve my tension. "I know."

"You could tell him now, if you want, maybe it will be easier for you if I'm here."

I shake my head. I have to think about how I'm going to tell him. He's nine years old and far from equipped for dealing with the tangled details of my past. We've never really talked about his father.

Once, just after he started school, he broached the subject. He asked why he was the only kid in the class who didn't have a dad. He accepted my meagre explanation that things didn't work out between me and his daddy and he lived somewhere else. When he asked why he never visits or why we never visited him, I simply said it was too far to travel.

"I need to talk to him about Charlie first, and then I'll tell him about Edward tomorrow."

"Okay sweetie, but if you want some moral support, let me know and I'll come right over." She leans over and wraps her arms around me planting a kiss on the top of my head.

I take Jacob home and let him look up Japan on Wikipedia before his bath. Our apartment is situated above a Chinese restaurant a couple of miles away from Renee's house. Sometimes the cooking smells can be a problem, but the rent is cheap and I doubt I'd find anything better within my budget.

After his bath, Jacob pads into the kitchen wearing the Karate suit _sans_ belt and plonks himself at the table. I would normally order him back to his room to change into pyjamas but tonight I let it slide and put his cocoa in front of him. He wraps his hands around it and smiles gratefully.

"I'm glad your back. Nana Renee can't make cocoa like you do." He takes a sip and sighs contentedly. "She can't do anything as good as you do."

"She's as good at loving you as I am." I smile sitting down beside him. "She'll miss you a lot when we go to Forks."

He wrinkles his nose a little and I catch the micro expression before his face is impassive again.

I ruffle his damp hair. "Are you looking forward to coming to Forks with me?" I ask gently.

He shrugs. "I guess." He blows into his mug. "Do I really have to go to school there?"

I nod. "Yes, we'll be there for a while and I don't want you to fall behind. Besides, it'll be an adventure; you'll make lots of new friends."

"I like Josh and Brett," he says, pouting.

"They'll still be here when we get back and you can tell them all about your new friends in Forks."

He nods and then his brow furrows. "Do they have a Karate club in Forks? Maybe Grandpa Charlie could teach me, you know like Mr. Miyag..."

"He doesn't know Karate, Jacob, but he does know all about fishing. He's looking forward to taking us out on the boat so he can teach you," I say, trying to inject some enthusiasm into my tone while also silently thanking God he hasn't seen _Jaws_.

"That would be cool," he agrees, nodding.

I clear my throat and tell him about Charlie's illness. He sits quietly while I try my best to explain it in a way that will help him understand without frightening him. He doesn't ask any questions, he just sits there and takes it all in. When I'm finished talking I am shocked to see his face tight with alarm, as he gets up from the chair and hugs me. That's when I realize I am crying.

'Don't cry, Mom,' He croaks into my hair.

I pull him tighter into my arms, and he buries his face into the crook of my neck. "It'll be okay," I whisper, even though I know it won't.

Angry at myself for upsetting him, I pull myself together and tell him it's time for bed. I sit on the edge of the bath while he brushes his teeth, and he seems like he's okay, but with Jacob it can be hard to tell. Sometimes he holds his emotions in and they manifest themselves in other ways. But when he speaks I am relieved to see he's not dwelling on it.

"Do you think you could get me a real Karate belt?" he asks, after spitting in the sink. "I don't like wearing the leather one, it looks silly."

I take in the too-small suit he is wearing and laugh.

I tuck him into bed and switch on his bedside lamp. "Do you want me to read to you?"

He screws up his face. "No! I'm not a baby."

"I just thought, since I've been away you might like me to do it."

He shakes his head. "No."

I kiss his head and stand up, preparing to leave.

"Mom, can I ask you something?"

I smile down at him. 'Of course you can.'

"What if nobody likes me in Forks?"

He's not looking at me. He's looking down at his hands twisting the corner of the quilt beneath his fingers. His brow is furrowed and his mouth is set in a firm frown. His eyes flick up, and my heart drops like a stone in my chest when I see the sadness in them.

I sit back down and grab his hand. "Of course they'll like you, Jake, why wouldn't they?"

"I don't know anybody there."

"Well, there's me and Grandpa Charlie," I explain. "And when you start school you'll meet lots of people."

"Do you know lots of people there?"

I take a deep breath and stare at him for a moment, debating whether or not to tell him now. It's been too easy for me in the past to simply avoid the subject because he was too young to understand. I always felt proud of the bond Jacob and I have. I never felt like he was missing out on not having a father because I selfishly thought I was enough, that I was everything he needed.

When I was pregnant, I thought of my bump as my little piece of Edward that nobody could take away from me. But when Jacob was born and I held him in my arms for the first time, I felt such a rush of love that I knew instantly that he was my very reason for living. He still is, and sitting here feeling his warm hand clasped between mine, the thought of losing him almost cripples me.

What if Edward wants to fight for custody of him? I can't bear the thought of not having Jacob living with me, but I have to face the fact that being a visiting father might not be enough for Edward. I also have to consider what Jacob wants. He's getting older now; maybe he'll need his father.

'Mom?'

Jacob's voice halts my thoughts which are rapidly getting out of control. Concern is etched on his face.

'I'm sorry,' I sigh. 'Remember when we talked about, Edward, your father?' I ask tentatively. He nods slowly, so I continue. 'Well, his parents and his sister live in Forks, near Grandpa Charlie.'

His eyes widen in surprise. 'Will they want to meet me?' I nod and he looks hesitant for a moment before he asks his next question. "Does my dad live there?"

Hearing Jacob say the words 'my dad' sounds so strange and I wonder if I'll ever get used to it.

I shake my head. "No, I'm not sure where he lives."

"So, he's not dead?" He frowns, sliding his hand out of my grasp.

What?" I gasp. "Why would you think that?"

He slides down the bed and pulls the covers over his head. I try to pull them back but he keeps a tight hold so I give up.

I wait patiently knowing he'll speak eventually.

"You never talk about him and when you said he lives far away, I figured he died and you didn't want to tell me."

"Oh baby," I whisper, leaning over him rubbing his back. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to think that."

"So why hasn't he ever come to see me?"

"It's complicated Jacob. He doesn't know about you."

"Why not?"

I sigh. "Because I never told him I was having a baby and then I moved here and–"

His shifts beneath the covers as if he's turning towards me. "Couldn't you have called him?"

It seems so simple when he says it like that. But of course nothing about the situation is simple, and I'm at a loss as to how I could possibly make him understand just how complicated things are.

He emerges from beneath the covers and I move to touch his face, but he shifts away from my hand. Guilt consumes me, I have lied to him by omission and now he has to make sense of a situation that he is simply not equipped to understand.

Trying to keep my emotions in check, my voice is thick when I speak. "Jacob, I made a lot of decisions in the past that I regret now, but I thought I was doing the right thing. It's very difficult to explain it to you, but you have to understand I didn't do it to hurt you."

"I want to go to sleep now," he says sadly, rolling on to his side.

I stare at his back for a long moment before my tears blur the image.

"Jacob," I plead gently. "Talk to me."

I don't want him to go to sleep worrying about this. There is a long silence and just as I'm about to ask him again, he speaks.

"Will he come to see me in Forks?" His voice is small and I strain to hear him. 'Well, when he finds out about me.'

The last part makes me blanch but I answer as levelly as I can. "Yes, I think he will."

His breath puffs out on a long sigh and he turns to face me, but only his eyes peek over the edge of the quilt. "What does he look like?"

I run my fingers over his head. "A lot like you. His hair has more red in it than yours and his eyes are greener. But you both have the same smile," I tentatively brush my finger down his nose pulling the quilt down as I do, 'and the same nose.'

He blinks at me as if he's trying to hold back his own tears.

He asks me more questions about things that I should have already told him, and each one chips away at my heart just a little bit more. It's not right that a nine year old boy should have to ask so many questions about his own father.

Eventually, his tiredness becomes more urgent than his curiosity and he struggles to stifle his yawns. I promise him that I'll tell him more in the morning and he reluctantly agrees when I ask him if that's okay.

I lean over and kiss the top of his head and tell him I love him, but for the first time in his life he doesn't respond.

That night I cry myself to sleep. I cry for Jacob and all that I might have deprived him of. I cry for all that Charlie and I have missed out on, and my tears burn with shame that it was my own selfish decisions that led us to this point.

* * *

**Thank you for reading**

**K**at


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you to all of you wonderful people sending reviews. I'm glad you're enjoying the re-post. xx**

* * *

After a couple of days of packing and countless phone calls to put our life on hold in Jacksonville and set it up in Forks, Jacob and I are ready to leave. Renee and Phil have come to help me pack up the last of my things and take us to the airport. We're only taking the bare essentials with us and Renee is storing the rest. Jacob is not happy at all about having to leave most of his toys and his Xbox behind.

As I take the last of the trash out, Phil loads our bags into his car, and I tell him we'll only be a few minutes longer when he looks pointedly at his watch. I come back in to find Jacob sitting quietly on the sofa, brooding.

I check my watch. I don't have much time, but due to the hectic schedule over the last couple of days I feel like I have neglected Jacob. I slide into the space beside him and drape my arm around his shoulders. He sighs.

"I know you're nervous about this Jake, but I'm here for you. You know you can talk to me about anything."

He looks up at me. "I don't want to go," he complains.

I pull him tighter to me. "I know," I whisper, pressing my lips to his cheek. "Just give it a chance, for me?"

"And if I don't like it, you'll let me come back?"

This isn't the first time he's asked me. Renee and I have already talked about this while we packed up boxes. Though I don't want to be separated from Jacob, I have to consider the possibility that being in Forks with me might not be what's best for him.

There are several possibilities to consider but it all pivots around Charlie's health. I want to be there for Charlie, but I don't know the prognosis yet. If it were only weeks, I would be willing to let Jacob stay with Renee, but if it's much longer then I would have to come back to Jacksonville for him. Either way I want Charlie to know his grandson.

Jacob is still tense in my arms. His head is bowed and he's studying his lap intently, almost like he is refusing to acknowledge what is going on around him. We talked again about Edward and Charlie and what living in Forks will be like, but he listened impassively to my explanations and barely acknowledged them. He's been quiet and sullen ever since.

It's difficult to offer him any reassurances regarding what Edward will be like, since I don't know him anymore. He was once the one person I felt closest to; he understood me better than anyone else and I felt I could trust and rely on him. But now I have no clue what kind of man Edward Cullen is.

I can't begin to imagine how much losing his wife and child might have changed Edward. I have no idea how he will react to finding out he has a nine year-old son who has been kept from him. No idea at all. My heart pounds every time I allow myself to think about it.

I kiss Jacob again and stand up. Time is pressing and we really need to get going.

Renee is sitting beside Jacob, looking like her world is ending and I can see her worried thoughts written all over her face. She thinks we won't come back; she thinks Jacob is going to love Forks and we'll stay there. Permanently.

When I first left Forks to live with her, we talked a lot about my relationship with Edward. She tried to make me reconsider my actions. I was young and scared and stubborn, so I stuck to my guns. In the end, she supported me (though she didn't entirely agree with my decision).

I watch her trying hard not to cry. It's not like we've never been apart in the past ten years. She's been out of the country with Phil for months at a time, but I've never seen her this despondent. Her hands are twisting in her lap, and every time she looks at Jacob her lip trembles. She takes a deep breath and stands up.

"Are you sure you've got everything?" she asks, her voice catching a little on the last word.

I nod, feeling the emotion bubbling in my own throat. "If I've forgotten anything, could you send it to me?"

She pulls me to her and hugs me tightly, clinging to me for a few moments before pulling back and looking into my eyes. "I'm going to miss you so much, Bella."

I can feel my own eyes moistening with the threat of tears and I smile sadly at her. "We'll be back before you know it."

As soon as I say that, my insides twist at the thought of how little time Charlie might have.

Renee's grim expression doesn't change at all as she nods. She doesn't believe me.

I tell Jacob it's time to go and he slides off the couch without a word – the only outward indication of his state of mind comes when Renee pulls him into her arms and a small, choking sob escapes from his chest.

"I'll call you every day, sweetie," Renee cries. "You can tell me about your new school and your new friends." She presses her lips hard against his temple and his eyes close. "I'm only a phone call away."

Though, at times, I made Renee's life as difficult as Charlie's, I never held the same grudge with her. It has been easy over the years for us to develop a good relationship, and I'll miss her so much while I'm gone. I know I can depend on her; she'd even come to Forks if I asked her to.

I hold her a beat longer than I need to; she's coming to the airport with us, but I just want to draw some strength from her love before I leave.

A horn blares outside and the three of us start. Phil is more mindful of the time than we are, and with one last look around my tiny apartment, I usher Jacob and Renee through the door and our journey begins.

Saying goodbye in the airport is never easy, and as Renee clings to me, I almost wish I'd said goodbye at the apartment. I feel like I've said too many goodbyes already in my life, and I need Renee more than I ever have. Standing here enveloped in my mother's arms, I feel panic rising within me. _Can I do this? Can I face all this without her?_

My heart starts to thump in my chest and her grip tightens. "You can do it, baby," she whispers. "You're stronger than you think you are."

I pull back and she cups my face in her hands brushing my tears away with her thumbs.

"I'm here for you," she smiles sadly. "If you need me I'll get on the next flight."

"Thanks, Mom," I sob.

I fight to compose myself and look down at Jacob, who is beginning to look alarmed. Renee crouches down and pulls him into her arms. She peppers his face with kisses and offers words of encouragement, as she tells him to be strong for me and to give Forks a fair chance.

I practically have to prise Jacob out of her grip, and with one final look over my shoulder I clasp him to me and we reluctantly leave her behind.

After our bags are checked in, I buy us some magazines and lead Jacob to the departure lounge. He sits quietly with the magazine on his lap but doesn't make any move to read it. My cell phone rings and Charlie's name appears on the display.

"Hi, Dad," I greet. I glance at Jacob and watch his eyes slide slightly in my direction.

"Hi Bells, I just wanted to make sure your flight's leaving on schedule." He sounds eager and I wonder if he thought I'd back out at the last minute.

I glance up at the display. "Yeah, we'll be landing at four."

"Okay, that's good... well, I guess I'll see you then." I can hear definite relief in his voice.

"Yeah, we're looking forward to it."

Jacob looks directly at me and frowns. I end the call with Charlie, all the while keeping eye contact with Jacob.

"I'm not looking forward to it," he complains sullenly, and even though his mood is black I'm glad he's finally talking to me.

"I thought you were excited to finally meet Grandpa Charlie?"

Over the years Jacob has talked to him on the phone, but they've never met in the flesh, well, not since that one visit Charlie made when Jacob was born. I know Charlie finds it awkward talking to Jacob on the phone, but Jacob is usually so enthusiastic about everything he does most of the talking and it's never really been a problem.

"I am, but I wish we were only going for a visit." He huffs out a sharp breath, and the magazine slides from his lap. He makes no attempt to catch it as it falls to the floor. "I don't want to live there. I like it here."

"I know, sweetie, but it's just for a little while. Grandpa Charlie needs me."

His long sigh is resigned.

I sit down and slide my arm across his shoulder, and when he doesn't attempt to evade my touch I take it as a good sign. "Grandpa Charlie needs me because he's sick; I want to look after him. It would make me very sad if I stayed in Jacksonville and left him on his own, I need to be there for him." I smooth my fingers through his hair before tilting his chin up and looking into his eyes. "I need you too, Jacob, I love you and I couldn't do this if you weren't with me."

He nods as his hands slowly wrap around me _and finally_ he accepts my embrace.

He sits pressed to my side for a little while, and I can feel some of the tension leaving him. I stroke his hair as he starts to relax. Suddenly, he sits upright and points to the small amusement area.

"They have _Time Crisis_ here!" He exclaims excitedly, and then looks up at me with pleading eyes.

His mood swings have been giving me whiplash, but I never expected anything else. It must be extremely difficult for him to make sense of all this, no matter how much I try to help him. I'm happy to indulge him for now. I walk with him to the machine where I watch him lose himself in the game, and feel happy that at least something is taking his mind off his apprehension.

After spending an exhausting couple of days getting everything ready, I am so tired that I actually manage to sleep for part of the flight. Jacob spends the time playing his Nintendo and waking me up intermittently to ask me random questions like: "What's keeping the plane up?" and "What would happen if another plane is coming in the opposite direction?"

He's not afraid of flying, he just always thinks about the kind of things the rest of us would rather not. At times I have to remind him to keep his voice down when we receive annoyed glances from other passengers.

He quietens again as the plane starts its descent, and it's clear that he is feeling nervous about the move again. I squeeze his fingers and he returns my grip. If I could promise him his father will love him, I would. I know this is the one thing that is playing on his mind more than anything else connected to the move, and it tears me apart to know that I have caused this, but I don't have the power to make it easier on him.

Jacob fidgets at the carousel while I wait for our bags to come through, and I have to scold him a couple of times for leaning over the belt and almost getting his earphone cord caught up in it. We make our way out into the lounge to find Charlie waiting for us with a broad grin.

He looks good today, still painfully thin and with slightly yellow skin – but his eyes are lively and his movements quick and strong – as he rushes towards us. He claps his hand onto my shoulder by way of a greeting and then turns his attention to Jacob.

"It's good to finally meet you in the flesh, son." He beams with a sparkle of pride in his eyes.

"It's nice to meet you too, sir," Jacob responds a little too formally.

He holds his hand out and Charlie looks at it, a little bemused at first, before he accepts it and shakes it firmly.

Charlie grins in delight and looks at me. "Good to see you taught him some good manners," he says approvingly.

He looks back at Jacob who doesn't return his smile, and this in turn causes Charlie to lose his.

Jacob bends to retrieve something from his bag and I make a face at Charlie and try to mouth that Jacob is tired, but Charlie frowns back at me clearly not getting what I'm trying to say.

Jacob straightens and hands Charlie an envelope. I stare at it as Charlie first looks questioningly at me, and then plasters a smile on his face before accepting it. I have no idea what it is; Jacob didn't say anything to me about it.

Charlie opens the envelope and removes a sheet of notebook paper folded in half. He studies it for a moment, and then crouches down in front of Jacob. "Thank you." He says simply while Jacob smiles self-consciously.

I catch a glimpse of it and realise Jacob has made Charlie a 'get well soon' card and I almost tear up right there.

"That was very sweet of you, Jacob," I manage to choke out, but he is trying to impress Charlie, so he shrugs and rolls his eyes at me, which makes Charlie laugh.

We walk out to the car and when Jacob sees the cruiser he practically squeals in delight.

"We get to ride in _this_?"

We put the bags in the trunk, and again Jacob is back to his old self as he bombards Charlie with questions about his job. At first Charlie looks a little overwhelmed by Jacob's sheer exuberance, and I catch his eye a few times in the mirror as he looks to me for reassurance that his answers are okay. Within half an hour he relaxes a little and seems to be enjoying Jacob's attentions.

It's early evening by the time we arrive in Forks. Charlie asks if we want to have dinner at the Diner, but Jacob and I have had a long journey and I can see Charlie is beginning to look tired, so I suggest we order pizza when we get home instead. _Home. _It's strange that I haven't thought of this place as home for a long time, yet today I do.

At long last, Jacob is finally quiet. He stares intently out of the window taking in the sights but doesn't ask any questions. His shoulders sag a little as we reach the house and I can see that he is again feeling a little uncertain.

I help Charlie with the bags while Jacob stands at the bottom of the porch steps digging his toe into the ground.

"Cat got your tongue?" Charlie smiles gently as he passes and heads up the steps. "Come on in."

After dumping the bags in the hallway and hanging up our jackets, Charlie looks at me in concern from Jacob's change in mood. I shake my head at him to indicate that nothing need be said_. _

Jacob will come out of his funk soon enough, he is all over the place today and I know trying to coax him out of it will only send him deeper into it.

"Jacob, why don't you help me bring a couple of these bags upstairs and I'll show you the bedroom."

Charlie has set up a guest bed in my bedroom though I'll probably use the sofa downstairs most of the time. I hand Jacob his small backpack and a lighter hold-all while I take two of the heavier bags and lead him upstairs. Once in the room, Jacob drops the bags and sits on the side of the guest bed. The room is a little cramped and the lack of privacy won't be welcome, but it is the best Charlie could do.

"Are you okay?" I ask, my breath huffing a little as I drop the heavy bags onto my bed.

"It's cold here," he sighs, dropping back onto the bed and turning towards the window. "Don't they get sunshine here?"

I laugh at that and annoyance flashes in his eyes as he glances at me. I hold my hands up in a conciliatory gesture, and suppress my smile.

"Yes they do, but it's usually overcast here. You could probably count the sunny days here on one hand."

He frowns and crosses his arms over his chest.

"Come on Jacob, it's not that bad. It's just a little different to what you're used to. It'll be good getting to know Grandpa Charlie, right?"

"I guess," he shrugs.

He opens his mouth to say something, looks at me, and then clamps it shut again. His bottom lip protrudes slightly and his brow furrows as he seems to mull something over in his mind. He looks so much like Edward when he does this and it reminds me of him every time.

"What is it?" I coax gently.

"When will I meet my dad?"

I had been waiting for this question but it still surprises me. I hadn't expected it so soon.

"Jacob," I say, sitting down beside him. "I think we should take a couple of days to settle in first and then I'll make some calls and see what I can arrange." I smooth his hair and cup his cheek, tilting his head towards me so I can look into his eyes. "I don't know where he is, or what his life is like now, so it might not be easy to get him to come here."

His frown deepens. "Do you think he won't want to meet me?"

The Edward I knew would jump at the chance to meet him, but I have to face the fact that I don't know him anymore. I stare at Jacob's innocent face, his hazel eyes watching me expectantly, waiting for me to assure him of things I have no clue about. I measure my response.

"I hear he has his own company now, he might be very busy," I kiss the top of his head, "but I'll make the calls in a day or so and we'll see what happens, okay sweetie?"

"What–"

His question is cut off by a sharp knock on the door downstairs and his eyes widen momentarily, but then I hear Sue's voice and tell him it's Grandpa Charlie's friend who's come to visit.

Sue smiles up at us as we make our way downstairs.

"This must be Jacob?" she asks smiling down at him when we reach the bottom. "Your Grandpa told me you were coming to stay for a while."

Charlie explained to me that he had only ever told Harry about Jacob, and though he suspected Harry had confided in Sue, they had never spoken about him until after I left last week. It's not that Charlie doesn't trust Sue; I think he just figured the less people who know a secret means a better chance of keeping it.

I turn to Jacob. "Jacob, this is Sue Clearwater. She's a friend of Grandpa Charlie's," I glance over her shoulder at Leah who is standing behind her. "And this is Leah, Sue's daughter."

Jacob nods shyly, and steps forward offering Sue his hand. "I'm pleased to meet you."

Sue chuckles in delight and accepts his hand, allowing him to shake hers firmly. "What a well-mannered little boy!" She exclaims, and Jacob's face wrinkles slightly at being referred to as a 'little boy'.

Leah steps forward smiling. I met her once last week and she's as honest and direct as her mother. She looks a lot like her too; she's tall and athletically built with shiny black hair that is cut in a sleek short bob. Her teeth are impossibly white as she grins at Jacob.

"Hey, little man!" She winks, shaking his hand firmly.

Only now that the introductions have been taken care of, do I notice Sue is carrying a casserole dish and Leah a heavy bag.

Sue holds up the dish. "I thought you might be too tired to cook, so we brought some chicken casserole." I am debating whether to mention that I'm vegetarian when she adds, "And I made a vegetarian lasagne for you, Bella."

"Thank you," I smile gratefully.

Sue and Leah join us for the meal and I'm glad of their company because, despite being almost my age, Leah spends the entire time talking to Jacob. She asks him all about his life in Jacksonville, which I would have thought would be difficult for him, but talking about it seems to relax him, and he is definitely happy to answer Leah's questions. When Leah has exhausted all topics regarding school and friends, she moves onto one of Jacob's passions: movies.

She tells him she has a large DVD collection and has all the Disney movies and he can borrow them any time.

"Have you seen _Ratatouille_?" she asks. "I could bring it over for you?"

He shakes his head. "I brought some DVDs with me; my nana bought me them. Have you seen _The Karate Kid_?"

"The original?" Leah grins broadly. "Sure, Seth and I used to love those films when they came on cable," she looks across at Sue, "remember how we harassed you for a month to let us take Karate lessons?

Jacob is suddenly enthralled; hanging on Leah's every word. "You do karate?"

She chuckles. "Not any more, the club in Forks closed years ago."

Jacob's face falls.

Leah suddenly jumps out of her seat and starts moving around in graceful measured moves. Jacob twists in his seat and his eyes eagerly track every movement.

"I can still remember some of the moves," she says, crooking one eyebrow at him. "Maybe I could teach you some Katas."

Jacob turns to me, his little face flushed with excitement. "Mom, can I show Leah my Karate suit?"

Pleased to see him so happy I nod my head and he bolts upstairs.

"Thanks Leah," I say as she sits back down at the table. "Jacob's feeling like a fish out of water right now and it's nice of you to indulge him."

Her eyes sparkle. "I love kids and he's a great kid, Bella." Her eyes dull a little and flick towards Charlie. "I know it's going to be a difficult time for you both. Mom, Seth and I are here to help, any time you need us."

"Actually, that's why we came over tonight," Sue says glancing at Charlie nervously, before turning to face me. "Charlie has his hospital appointment tomorrow and we thought we could look after Jacob for you while you go with him?"

I glance at Charlie and he looks annoyed, but when his eyes meet mine they soften.

"You weren't going to tell me," I accuse gently.

His eyes flick down to the table before he takes a deep breath and looks up at me again. "I'm not used to all this fuss, Bella."

"I know," I sigh. "But you're going to have to learn to get used to it. I need to know what to expect." I reach out and cover his thin hand with mine. The texture of his skin reminds me of crepe paper. "I need to know how to make this easier for you."

His lips purse for a moment, but then he seems to relent and smiles a little. "I forgot how determined you can be."

I turn to Sue and Leah. "I'll talk to Jacob tonight and see if he's okay to spend some time with you both tomorrow."

Sue nods and when I look back at Charlie a shimmer of grief threatens to overwhelm me. Thankfully Jacob bounds back into the room wearing his too-small Taekwondo suit, and Leah laughs raucously.

"Oh dear," she laughs, getting up from her chair to stand in front of him. "This won't do," she declares placing her hands on her hips.

Jacob's face falls and he glances down at the suit, seeing it with new eyes.

Catching his obvious disappointment, Leah crouches down to his eye level. "This is a Taekwondo suit, and it's way too small for you," she says gently with a smile. "I think Mom kept our Karate suits, I'm sure one of those will fit you better. If you're going to be the best little Karate Kid in Forks, you need to look the part."

"Really, you'd let me have one?" Jacob asks excitedly, tugging at his too-short sleeves self-consciously.

"Sure!" Leah confirms, placing her hand on his shoulder and leading him back to the table. "So what was your favourite part of the first Karate Kid movie?"

After dinner Sue and Leah insist on doing the dishes and enlist Jacob's help, leaving Charlie and I alone in the front room. He looks a little tired and the yellow tinge of his skin seems more pronounced.

"How have you been?" I ask sitting on the edge of the sofa. "Have you had any more pain?"

He shakes his head. " stopped by yesterday, he says I have jaundice."

"We'll be able to discuss that with Dr. Sharp tomorrow. What time is your appointment?"

"One o'clock."

He takes my hand and brushes his thumb over the back of my fingers. "I'm glad you're here Bells." He glances towards the kitchen. "He's a good boy; you've done a good job raising him."

I bask in his praise. "Thanks."

"I know we've always avoided the subject, but I guess it's okay to talk about it now," he begins, squeezing my hand firmly. "Have you ever discussed Edward with him?"

I stiffen and his grip tightens as if he means to prevent me from running away. "When he first started school he asked me about him. I was pretty vague and just said he lived too far away for us to visit."

I tell Charlie how Jacob thought his father was dead because I didn't have the courage to tell him the full truth, and that's why he never asked about him again. I share with him how ashamed I feel that I never even tried to explain anything to him, because I was just happy to drift along as if Edward never existed.

Charlie shakes his head. "I can't judge you, Bella, there's things I wish I could go back and change. Things I wish I had had the stomach for when you needed me." His eyes scan my face but he's not even looking at me, he's thinking about his own regrets.

"You were there for me, you helped me through the investigation, you supported my decisions–"

"You were so much like me, Bella," he sighs softly. "All I did was help you run away from your problems, and I regret not telling you..."

"Mom!" Jacob comes hurtling into the room breaking up our conversation. "Leah says I can have Seth's old bike and she'll take me on the cycle trail tomorrow!"

Leah comes into the room.

"You don't have to do that," I object, but she cuts me off.

"They've built a new cycle track; it goes a little way into the forest. I thought Jacob might like to have a look around."

She looks at me pointedly and the penny drops. This is her giving me a reason to leave Jacob with her while I go to the hospital with Charlie.

"Are there bears in the forest?" Jacob asks, wide-eyed with excitement.

"There's wolves as big as bears." Leah laughs and Jacobs's eyes widen further. "But they don't come this close to town." She adds smirking at him.

"Can I go, Mom, please?" he begs.

He punches the air in delight when I nod.

I don't get a chance to resume my conversation with Charlie, because after Leah and Sue leave I show Jacob how to use the shower, and then unpack his things so he can get ready for bed. By the time we're done I can see Charlie is too tired to talk.

He takes himself off to bed and I tuck Jacob into the guest bed.

"I like Leah," Jacob smiles, resting back on the pillows. "She's really pretty."

I laugh before kissing his hair, and enjoy the clean, damp smell of it. "She is," I agree. "It's very nice of her to offer to take you out tomorrow, are you sure you're okay with that?"

He nods vigorously. "I hope I see a wolf!"

I chuckle and pull the cover up to his neck. His eyes drift a little reminding me that even though it's early here, it's past his bedtime in Jacksonville. I kiss his cheek.

"Goodnight, sweetheart."

"Goodnight, Mom." He murmurs.

I sit for a minute or two and watch him drift to sleep and promise myself that I'll call Alice soon to get Edward's number.

* * *

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**

**Twitter: Bellascotia1 Facebook: Bella Scotia**


	6. Chapter 6

The secretary calls Charlie's name and informs us that Dr. Sharp is ready for him. Charlie stands up slowly and shoots me a nervous glance. I offer him a weak smile, before following him into the office.

Dr. Sharp is sitting behind a large oak desk. His half-eye glasses are perched precariously on the end of his bulbous nose, and his balding pate shines in the fluorescent lighting. He studies the contents of the manila folder spread out in front of him, not looking up until the soft click of the door closing behind us apparently breaks his concentration.

"Charlie." He smiles warmly, getting to his feet. He leans over his desk holding his hand out to Charlie.

Charlie strides across the room and accepts the doctors hand shake. "Dr. Sharp," he mutters gruffly, before turning to me. "This is my daughter Bella."

Dr. Sharp walks around the desk towards me holding his hand out. "It's nice to meet you, Bella."

I nod. "You too," I say, even though it's not, given the circumstances.

Ever since lunch, when I waved Leah and Jacob off as they pedalled towards the forest, my mind has been reeling with the possibilities of what the doctor might tell us today.

There are two wooden-backed chairs positioned in front of the desk, and Dr. Sharp gestures to them as he invites us to sit down. He makes his way back to his own chair and, without another word, goes back to reading the notes in front of him.

"So, the last time we spoke we discussed that the Everolimus and Temozolomide weren't reducing your symptoms," he says eventually, looking up at Charlie over his glasses. "The test results have confirmed that, so you can stop taking the Everolimus now."

At first, his words confuse me, but then I remember Charlie telling me that a month ago he'd agreed to try radiation treatment. I assume this is what Dr. Sharp is referring to. Charlie had explained to me that it had been an attempt to slow down the progression of his disease, but since it hadn't worked – and had made him feel lousy – he'd refused to try anything else.

"I believe Dr. Cullen was called out to see you again last week?" Dr. Sharp mentions as he scans the documents in front of him again.

I tense a little at the mention of Carlisle. I hope I can avoid the Cullens until I at least find out a little bit more about Edward's life now. I need to prepare Jacob as much as possible before he meets any of them, and even though he's not with me today, the possibility of running into one of them unexpectedly has not escaped my mind.

Charlie nods in reply to Dr. Sharp's statement.

"My dad was in a lot of pain," I explain, realising that Charlie is not going to elaborate. "Dr. Cullen said we should contact you if it happens in future, rather than calling him."

Charlie stiffens when I reveal this to the doctor. He turns to me, his face stern and his eyes hard with annoyance. Unperturbed by his obvious irritation, I continue.

"He had to give him some morphine." I swallow at the painful memory of Charlie writhing in pain that night. "I understand it wasn't the first time."

Dr. Sharp nods and smiles gratefully at me before addressing Charlie. "These attacks seem to be occurring more frequently," he points out gravely. "And it's not a good idea to keep administering oral opioids in the long term. They lower your immune system and can cause other complications."

"What else can you do?" I interject, sneaking a hesitant glance at Charlie.

Dr. Sharp looks at me sympathetically, but again he directs his response to Charlie who is sitting mute beside me.

"Well, for starters, I can see that you are jaundiced. We'll take some labs today and I've scheduled an abdominal ultrasound for later this afternoon," he says. "I suspect that you have a blockage on your liver. If that is the case then I'd like to insert a stent which will help with that."

This information rouses Charlie and he clears his throat before speaking. "Will that involve staying in the hospital overnight?"

Dr. Sharp shakes his head. "No. We do it endoscopically. You would be anesthetised but patients are normally able to go home after a few hours observation."

"Will it help with the pain?" I ask.

"No," Dr. Sharp answers. "For that, I think we should consider a Celiac Plexus block. But again, I'll know more once the ultrasound has been done."

Charlie and I listen while the doctor explains the Celiac Plexus block. It is a procedure where alcohol and local anaesthetic, among other drugs, are administered via injection into the nerves in the abdominal muscle to block the nerve endings – thus alleviating the pain. He explains there are various ways this can be done and he would decide on the most suitable one after the ultrasound. He also warns that it is not always successful.

Charlie looks dubious and his face pales as he listens. He seems relieved when Dr. Sharp confirms that this, like the liver stent procedure, will also only require a few hours hospital stay to allow the sedation to wear off.

"How are you feeling in general?" Dr. Sharp asks after explaining the procedures to Charlie. "Are you still coping with your work schedule?"

Charlie glances at me briefly. "I've reduced my hours," he informs him reluctantly. "I'll be working shorter shifts."

This is news to me. I am partly relieved that Charlie is finally realizing his limitations. I know his job means so much to him, but he has to know it is only making him weaker and taking what time he has left to spend with Jacob and me. I still feel sad that he has had to make this choice, as I listen to him explain that he has handed over his main responsibilities to his colleague, Sam Uley, allowing him to take more time off when he needs it.

"That's good." Dr. Sharp smiles approvingly. "I think we could probably book you in for the stent at the end of next week, if need be."

Charlie raises his eyebrows in surprise.

I hold off on the questions I'd planned to ask after Dr. Sharp insists that he can be clearer on the next course of action after the ultrasound results are in.

Charlie and I spend the next hour drinking terrible coffee in the hospital cafeteria. He sits on the edge of his chair with his shoulders hunched and head dipped, nursing the Styrofoam coffee cup between his hands while staring morosely into its contents.

"What are you thinking?" I venture, when Charlie seems to be closing in on himself.

He forces an unconvincing smile. "I'm glad that I don't need to stay in the hospital for this stent thing."

"You shouldn't worry about hospital stays, if it makes this easier for you then it's a good thing."

His shrug is non-committal. "I suppose." He sets his coffee cup down and rubs his fingers over his moustache. "It all seems to be happening so fast." He sighs. "I mean, arranging the ultrasound this afternoon and this stent thing next week. I didn't know they could move so fast."

"Well, it's a good thing they can," I insist, trying to reassure him. "You don't want to be hanging around in pain, waiting for them to get their act together."

The conversation stalls and we sit in silence for a while, lost in our own thoughts, before Charlie strikes up a new one.

"So, Jacob seems to like Leah."

"Yeah!" I grin, nodding. "She certainly has a way with him. I'm glad; he has a lot on his plate right now and I know he was really worried about coming here."

He shifts a little, turning to face me fully. He regards me for a long moment with dark, inscrutable eyes before his hand slides over mine. His skin is still warmer than normal from nursing the coffee cup and I turn my palm up to hold his hand. He emits a long, drawn-out sigh before speaking.

"Bella, I really appreciate you being here, but I'm not sure you're doing the right thing bringing Jacob here." His eyes search mine. "I want nothing more than to spend time with you both. God knows, I wish I'd made more of an effort to come to Florida and get to know him, but I worry you're setting that poor boy up for nothing but heartache."

Tears prick my eyes. "I've given this a lot of thought, Dad, and part of me agrees with you. But there's another part of me that knows, even though it won't be easy, one day we'll treasure this time with you. Both of us will." I brush away the rogue tear that slides down my face. "I don't want him to miss out on really knowing you. I already regret the time I've wasted and if this is how it has to be then I'll get him through it."

Charlie's eyes are misty, and his lips clamp together as he listens. Eventually, he nods. "I know you will." He brushes the last remnants of wetness from my cheek. "You're strong enough to get you and that little boy of yours through _all_ of this. Just have faith in yourself."

I know his thoughts have turned to the Cullens.

"Alice came to see me the day you were sick."

His expression is more resigned than surprised.

"She told me that Edward and Irina's baby died."

He looks ashamed. "I wanted to tell you. I should have told you, but you were just settling in with your mother and I thought I'd give you time to adjust. Then you had the baby and when I came down to see you, you were trying so hard to be positive, I couldn't do it."

I recall his visit. He was like the proverbial fish out of water. It was very uncomfortable on so many levels and now he is adding an extra layer to it. I thought he was having a hard time dealing with Renee and Phil. It was painfully obvious that he found it difficult to wrap his head around the idea that his little girl was a mother – but at no point during the visit did I suspect that he was concealing anything from me.

His hand tightens on mine. "I'm so proud of you, Bella. You've raised a good boy." He sighs and his expression turns fierce." And I won't let those Cullens take anything away from you."

His vehemence surprises me. "Do you think they'll try to take Jacob?"

Though this possibility has occurred to me, I've clung to the Edward in my memories. He was kind, compassionate, loving and fiercely loyal. He couldn't help who he fell in love with, and deep down I never doubted his love. He fought so hard in the beginning. I remember how angry he used to get with himself, and the lengths he went to in a bid to avoid me. In the end, we were both weak and succumbed to our feelings, even though we both knew how selfish and wrong it was.

We hated the deceit and sneaking around. Even though he knew it would hurt Irina, Edward decided he owed it to her to be honest and decided to tell her everything. It seemed there was no way of fighting the fact that we wanted to be together, even if it would cause a lot of heartache for Irina.

It only took a moment of carelessness to change everything. I couldn't have known that Jessica Stanley would be waiting that night to confront me, yet again, about my friendship with Mike.

It wasn't unusual for Edward to drive me home when I'd visited Alice. Charlie didn't like me driving the truck alone at night, since it was so unreliable. Alice often accompanied us. So on nights when Edward and I met in secret, we thought it wouldn't look suspicious if he drove me home.

That night, still high on the rush from making love, I'd stupidly kissed Edward when he pulled up outside the house. He briefly reciprocated but then, mindful of our surroundings, he disentangled himself from my arms and sent me home.

Unbeknownst to us, Jessica had witnessed our embrace. I arrived at school the following day to find myself the subject of the latest hot gossip sweeping the school.

Everything escalated quickly.

As soon as the teachers caught wind of the rumors, Edward was reported to the medical board and an investigation was set up. Overnight, everything changed.

Edward and his family ceased all contact with me. Being abandoned like that, and left to deal with the rumors and gossip alone, was the most devastating thing to me. I can still feel the remnants of the pain it caused me whenever I think of it today. Even though I felt hurt and rejected, I tried to see it from his side. I figured he was trying hard to lessen the sense of betrayal Irina would no doubt be feeling. But he ignored my texts and never answered my calls. He'd simply cut me off completely.

Alice had also gone to great lengths to avoid me, but being at the same school, it wasn't easy. Every time I ran into her I could see the torment in her eyes. She had to stand by her brother and I understood that, but it didn't mean it hurt any less.

My magnanimity quickly ran out though, the day I heard Irina was pregnant. To this day, I can still feel that awful crushing pain. We'd never fully talked about that side of his marriage and, naively, I suppose, I had just assumed that since he loved me he wouldn't be sleeping with her anymore. The thought of him touching her the way he touched me ripped my heart out.

I knew then he wasn't ever coming back to me. It was over.

It was Lauren Mallory who'd taken great delight in telling me. She worked in the medical centre a couple of afternoons a week after school. She'd overheard the receptionists discussing it and couldn't wait to come to school the next day to announce it. She'd sauntered into the bio lab that day with a smirk and a devilish glint in her eye, and uttered the words that brought everything crashing down around me: '_I hear your boyfriend's wife is pregnant_.'

I'd sat there fighting to keep my expression neutral, while silence descended and all eyes turned to me. The weight of their scrutiny was excruciating and, unable to stand it, I'd bolted from the room and thrown up in the toilet.

The news couldn't have come at a worse time: the day before my interview with the investigator. I'd cried myself to sleep that night, torturing myself that everything between Edward and I had been a lie and I woke up more hurt and angry than I'd ever felt before.

My bitterness and resentment boiled over during the interview and I'd confessed everything. Effectively, putting the final nail in Edward's coffin. A closed hearing took place that was the talk of the town. Everywhere I went, I was met with disapproving glares and disdainful whispers. The Cullens were seen as a good respectable family whose son had been wronged, while I was the slut who'd wrecked his career and very nearly, his marriage too.

Despite the outcome of Edward's trial never having been made public, the general consensus seemed to be that everything was my fault. When Edward and Irina left town, the focus on my part in it all was redoubled. Charlie supported me through it, and there were times he'd been so angry I was glad we didn't know where Edward had gone, because if we did, Charlie might very well have gone after him.

When I found out I was pregnant with Jacob, I truly thought it would be best for everyone if I left town too. Imagining Edward happy with his wife and child, helped to keep my guilt at bay and living so far away made it a little easier to live with my decision.

When Charlie clears his throat it snaps me out of my reverie. He glances at his watch, ruefully reminding me that it is time for his ultrasound. Though I would've liked to talk more, it's clear Charlie looks relieved as he stands up. However, his relief is short-lived, as his tension starts to return while we make our way to the x-ray department.

Thankfully, Charlie is taken right away. I browse the well-thumbed magazines in the waiting area while I wait. I reach out to grab another magazine and notice the couple sitting opposite me.

I watch as the man rubs his hand lovingly over the woman's swollen abdomen and she gently slaps his hand away.

"Don't," she complains. "I'm dying to pee. I hope they won't keep me waiting much longer."

The man smiles at her, as he brushes her blonde hair back with his fingers and kisses her temple lightly. "I know they told you to drink plenty of water, but you drank enough to sink the Titanic."

She swats at him playfully, and then her eye catches mine. I look away, embarrassed at being caught watching them.

I feel the way I did during my first ultrasound when I was pregnant with Jacob: envious. That day, too, there were happy couples in the waiting area I averted my eyes from just as I was doing now. Loneliness is something I quickly learned to endure.

After Charlie's ultrasound we have to wait another hour before Dr. Sharp is able to see him again. We talk about Jacob and Charlie rues the fact that he has been feeling so tired and hasn't had much of a chance to spend time with him. He suggests arranging a fishing trip for the three of us in a couple of days time, and I tell him Jacob will love that.

As expected, Dr. Sharp confirms that Charlie does appear to have a blockage and that his liver is slightly enlarged. The stent procedure is booked for next Friday. Charlie looks like he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders as we leave the hospital.

When we get home, I wave away Charlie's apologies for being tired and insist I don't mind when he heads upstairs to rest. I decide to start making dinner.

I hear voices outside when I'm setting the table and look out the window to see Jacob pushing a bike up the path while chattering animatedly to Leah. Seth follows close behind. It's one of Fork's rare sunny days, and though the sunlight is a little weak, it picks up the red tones in Jacob's hair – another reminder of his father. The peace is shattered once they come into the house and Jacob rattles on excitedly about his day.

Leah and Seth refuse my offer to stay for dinner, and since Charlie stays in his room, Jacob and I eat alone. I listen with a smile as he goes over every detail of his day again. He wolfs down his dinner, and several times I have to gently chastise him for talking with his mouth full.

"Why don't we call Nana and you can tell her all about it?" I suggest after he finishes his meal.

His face lights up and he rushes to the phone. I wash the dishes and let him make the call. It's such a relief to hear him tell her that he had a good day and that he thinks he might like Forks after all. It takes no small effort on my part to finally get him off the phone so I can speak to Renee, too.

I only speak to her briefly, because I want to talk to Jacob about my plans, so I tell her that I'll call her after Jacob goes to bed. I sit down at the table with Jacob, who sits with his legs bouncing and his cheeks still glowing with excitement.

"I'm glad you had a good day today." I begin with a smile. "Maybe next time I'll come with you and you can show me all the things you saw today."

"We could do it tomorrow," he agrees eagerly.

I shake my head. "That's what I want to talk to you about. You'll be starting school here next week and I thought it would be a good idea if you met a couple of people who go to your school before then." His smile falters and his leg bounces faster. "An old friend of mine, Mike, has two daughters who go there. I was thinking of asking them if they'd like to meet us tomorrow so you can get to know them. What do you think?"

His excitement fades, and his smile turns into a frown. "Don't you know anyone who has boys?"

I shake my head. "I'm sure Mike's daughters are very nice and they're only a little bit younger than you are."

"I don't want to hang out with girls." He looks down at the table. His impossibly long lashes, so like Edward's, form a dark crescent against his smooth cheeks, and I almost expect Jacob's eyes to be light green when he looks back up at me.

I force a smile. "You enjoyed spending time with Leah, right?"

"That's different," he argues. "Leah's not a regular girl." His eyes flick up to mine. "I mean, she's awesome and she likes doing exciting stuff."

"Maybe Mike's daughters will be like that, too," I reason. "Give it a chance, Jacob. Let me call Mike and see if I can arrange it for tomorrow. You never know…it might be fun."

He looks sceptical and mutters something about them being young, but finally relents. I tell him to take a bath while I make the call. I look up Mike's number in the book.

"Hello?" Mike answers on the third ring.

"Mike, Hi... It's Bella," I say, with far more levity than I'm feeling.

"Bella!" he exclaims. "It's good to hear from you, I didn't think you'd call. Are you back in town?"

"Yeah," I say. "I just got back yesterday."

"Good, we should get together."

I relax a little. "Yeah, that's why I called. I...um... I actually need a favor."

"Oh," he says a little flatly.

"It's nothing major," I insist quickly. "I, well... I brought my son with me and he'll be starting at Forks Elementary next week. That's the school your kids go to, right?"

My words come out in a rush and are met with a short silence. I bite my lip while I wait for him to speak.

"Um... yeah, so what age is your boy?"

"He's in fourth grade." I answer, deliberately evading the obvious. I'd rather talk about _that_ face to face.

"Right," he says slowly. "Amy is in the third and Louise the first, so..." His voice trails off and I suspect he's mentally calculating Jacob's age.

"So I was thinking, maybe we could get together with the kids. It would be nice for Jacob to at least recognize a couple of friendly faces when he starts school."

"Sure," Mike agrees readily, and I sigh with relief. "When did you have in mind?"

"Tomorrow?" I venture, biting my lip again.

He seems to ponder this for a moment as the line goes quiet again.

"Okay, um, the girls have dance class in the morning, but we could take them to Port Angeles for lunch and maybe on to Adventureland afterwards?"

"That sounds great, Mike," I say. "I really appreciate this."

"Okay, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." He chuckles.

"Yeah, and I'll talk to you then," I state lightly, knowing that he must have some questions for me.

"I'm glad you called," he says simply.

"Me too," I agree.

I hang up. I don't think I ever told Mike that I appreciated his friendship. Jessica always told him I was using him, and she was right, but I always appreciated him. I always loved that I could rely on him and here I am doing it all over again. Only this time, I hope I can be a good friend to him in return.

The sound of Jacob's footsteps padding from the bathroom to the bedroom draws my attention back to the present. I give him enough time to put his pyjamas on, and then head upstairs to say goodnight.

When I pop my head around the door, I see him sitting upright in bed but his eyes are closed. His head is leaning back against the headboard and his arms are folded across his chest. He cracks an eye open when he hears me and I can see how tired he is.

"I'm glad you had a good time today." I smile, sitting down beside him. "You look tired."

He nods.

"I called Mike," I inform him. "We're going to Port Angeles. It's not far from here. We'll have lunch and there's a really cool adventure playground that we can go to."

He nods, but his lips stay firmly set in a grim line and his eyes are hooded.

"What's on your mind?" I ask gently, rubbing his leg over the covers.

"Did you call my dad yet?"

My heart lurches a little in my chest. I watch as the one hand I can see forms a little fist. He tilts his chin up a little as if trying to feign nonchalance.

"Not yet, sweetie," I say, loosening his arms and taking his hand in mine. "After we get back from Port Angeles tomorrow, I'll find out his number and make the call. Okay?"

He stifles a yawn and fights to stay alert. "You promise?"

I nod. "Let's just have a good day with Mike and his girls tomorrow, okay?" I whisper. "When we get back I'll make the call and then we can talk about him. It's a long story and you're really too tired right now."

He nods glumly and shimmies down in the bed, finally resting his head on his pillow. I kiss his forehead, and then leave him to sleep. I hope Mike can fill in some of the blanks about Edward for me, so that when I have a proper talk with Jacob I can give him a clearer picture of what his father is like now.

0o0

I pull into the parking lot twenty minutes later than I arranged to meet Mike. Thankfully, I find a space quickly and Jacob and I hurry towards the mall entrance.

As we exit the elevator, we find the mall is packed with people scurrying around with shopping bags. I grab Jacob's hand and lead him through the crowd. When we reach the area which houses the various restaurants I spot Mike up ahead. He is glancing at his watch.

"Mike!" I call, waving my arm in the air.

He looks up and smiles broadly when he spots me.

"Sorry we're late." I puff as we reach him. "I guess I underestimated the traffic."

"That's okay," he says. "You're here now."

He looks down at Jacob. His eyes widen as the smile falls from his face. He looks up at me in shock and bewilderment. Before he has a chance to say anything I put my hand on Jacob's shoulder and pull him forward a little.

"This is Jacob." I smile, looking down at him. "Jacob, this is Mike and his two daughters."

Still looking a little dazed, Mike introduces his girls to Jacob and me and a very awkward round of "hellos" ensues. Amy and Louise are as stiffly polite as Jacob and they stand rigidly beside Mike while Jacob does likewise beside me. Amy is the older girl and at least makes the effort to smile at Jacob. He smiles back shyly, and then his eyes flick back to me. I smile encouragingly as he rolls his eyes.

The restaurant is one of those family places. It has a play area in the back for the children, the tables are all numbered, and you have to go to the counter to order your food. We have to wait at a podium to be shown to our table. A far-too-cheerful young girl greets us and hands us our menus before taking off and weaving through the tables, leaving us to trail in her wake.

When we reach the table, Mike is still distracted and his eyes keep turning back to Jacob. I have to nudge him when his youngest daughter asks where she should sit and he doesn't appear to hear her. He momentarily pulls himself together enough to organise the seating arrangements, but then as soon as the kids begin to study their menus his eyes are straight back on Jacob again.

I knew he'd be surprised – shocked even – but I fear if this keeps up I'll have to kick him under the table.

Jacob is sitting beside me, while Amy and Louise flank Mike opposite us. Jacob glances at the menu, sees that they have macaroni and cheese and chooses that. He has macaroni everywhere we go.

"Can I have macaroni too?" Louise asks shyly, her eyes darting towards Jacob.

Mike drags his attention away from Jacob and blinks at his daughter. "What? Um...yeah, macaroni...sure.."

"You had the macaroni the last time we were here," Amy grouses. "You refused to eat it because you said it was too greasy, remember?"

Louise's cheeks turn scarlet and she shakes her head causing her soft blond curls to bounce around her shoulders. "That was at Benny G's," she argues.

"You had the spaghetti in Benny G's." Amy insists. "I remember you complained that there was a hair in it and you didn't eat that either. You definitely had the macaroni here."

"Nu-huh!" Louise retorts. "I want the macaroni and cheese!"

"Girls!" Mike hisses. "You're being rude, stop arguing. Amy, what have you decided on?"

"I'll have the chicken fingers," she says sullenly, dropping the menu in front of her.

"I want the macaroni and cheese," Louise insists.

Mike rolls his eyes and asks me what I want, and then heads to the counter to put in the order. I ask the girls about their dance classes while he is gone. They seem a little shy, but they are polite in their responses. Mike comes back and suggests to the kids that they should go play in the play area till the food arrives. They readily agree before scampering off. Mike pauses for a beat to let them get out of earshot.

"Jesus Christ, Bella!" he exclaims, turning back to me. "You had Cullen's kid?"

"That obvious, huh," I say, trying to make light of it.

"I'll say; it looks like you fucking cloned him! He's the spitting image of Cullen." He cranes his neck a little to look at Jacob again. "So _that's _why you took off in such a hurry?"

"I couldn't hang around here, could I?" I point out, trying to ignore the curious glares from the people at the nearest tables.

"And you never told him?"

I shake my head, a movement which he mirrors, and then I watch as he drags his hands down his face before sighing. He looks stricken but there is something else in his eyes too, something that looks an awful lot like disappointment.

"Fuck, Bella, I can't believe you'd do that. I mean, I'm no fan of Cullen's –you know that – but that's his _son_. It's pretty fucked up that you didn't tell him."

"What was I supposed to do?" I hiss, leaning closer to him and lowering my voice. "Was I supposed to just turn up on his doorstep and announce that I was pregnant, too?"

He stares at me incredulously. "Well, _yeah_!"

I look over towards the play area and see Jacob and the girls climbing the foam covered frame next to the ball pit. Deciding it's safe to talk a little bit more, I turn back to Mike who is still staring at me ashen faced.

"Look, Mike, I figured Edward was trying to save his marriage. It was Irina he'd made the commitment to, not me. I didn't want to ruin it for him and I didn't want my baby to play second fiddle to their children, always being stuck on the outside looking in, and feeling inferior from the start." I inhale a steadying breath. "I wanted more for Jacob."

"But they still had a right to know one another," he says quietly, digesting my words. He glances at the children playing and closes his eyes for a moment, before rubbing his hands over his short hair. He opens his eyes and looks at me sadly. "I can't imagine what it would be like to be deprived of loving my girls."

Tears prick my eyes and he leans forward, grabbing both my hands in his. "I'm sorry, Bella, I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm just... I can sort of see why you did this, but I'm just having a hard time getting my head around it."

I slide my hands out from between his and scoop up my bag. I root around inside until I find a tissue and dab at my eyes, willing myself to calm down.

"I know I made a mistake, Mike, but I genuinely thought that I was giving us all the chance to be happy. I thought Edward had his family, and Jacob and I could be our own little family."

Even to my own ears my explanation seems weak and unconvincing. Renee tried time and again in that first year to convince me to contact Edward; she even threatened to do it herself several times. She only relented because I convinced her that Jacob would never fully be a member of Edward's family, and that it would be harder for him in the long run. I was wrong.

"I couldn't bear to stay here, Mike. I was sick of being looked down on and judged," He opens his mouth to speak, but I raise my hand to stop him. "I know I brought a lot of it on myself, that doesn't mean to say it didn't hurt and I didn't want to drag another little person into the storm with me."

"It would've blown over, eventually. You know what Forks is like; someone else would've wandered into the firing line eventually."

"Eventually," I repeat, giving him a pointed look. "How long was I supposed to wait? I didn't want Jacob carrying that kind of stigma around with him."

"What about now?" Mike challenges. "The gossip will start up again as soon as this gets out, and as sure as night follows day, some smart-mouthed kid is gonna say something when he starts school."

My mouth is suddenly dry and I feel a little light-headed as the blood races through my veins. "I never thought..."

Again he takes my hand and looks directly into my eyes. "Bella, I don't think you thought this through at all. I mean, you must be fucking crazy if you think you can come back here without stirring up a shit-storm. Jesus, as soon as anyone sets eyes on that boy, they're gonna know who his daddy is." He squeezes my hand and his eyes soften slightly. "Cullen's a pretty prominent figure these days, and I don't think he's going to relish having his reputation dragged through the mud all over again."

My hands are sweating now. "Prominent figure?" I manage to squeak out.

"Yeah, that company he started with his brother really took off. He's branched out into other areas." His brows knit together in concentration. "He owns a bunch of different companies that all come under the umbrella of Cullen Equity Partners. They're always throwing charity galas and benefits." He looks at me again. "Jesus, you could Google him, it's all there."

I've never considered looking Edward up. I just wanted to believe so much that everything turned out alright for him – that he was somewhere happy – that I closed myself off from even thinking about him.

The waitress startles me when she puts a plate of macaroni down on the table beside me. Mike suggests I go to the bathroom to compose myself while he calls the kids. In no state to argue, I do as he suggests and hurry to the bathroom.

My hands are shaking so badly I barely manage to lock the stall door, before closing the seat lid and sitting down, dropping my head in my hands. My mind is whirling, overwhelmed by the realization of just how messed up this whole situation is. Being so caught up in Charlie's illness for the past few days, I haven't even considered how ugly things might get. Of course, I managed to delude myself into believing I knew what I was doing, but doubt is in the forefront of my mind now.

I thought I could handle everything. I thought I could protect Jacob from anything, but I hadn't factored in the times when I won't be with him; like when he is at school. My fists clench of their own volition and I press them into my eyes to stop the tears from coming.

Aware that Jacob is alone with relative strangers, I take some calming breaths. My knees bounce a little as I blow my nose and dab beneath my eyes with a tissue. I come out of the stall and check my reflection in the mirror. Aside from looking a little flushed and watery-eyed, I don't look too bad. I have no choice but to go back out there.

I come back to the table and Jacob's brow creases as he frowns at me. "You okay, Mom?" he asks with concern.

"Yeah!" I smile, patting my stomach. "I just had a bit of a sore tummy, but I'm fine now."

He looks at my stomach, shrugs, and goes back to his food.

Neither Mike nor I touch our food, and after the kids have finished theirs – Louise barely touches the macaroni and cheese, much to Amy's triumph – Mike tells his girls to go wash up in the bathroom and I instruct Jacob to do likewise.

"Listen," Mike says, as soon as they leave the table. "I really think you have to tell Cullen as soon as possible. It'll only make things worse if someone else finds out before him and he hears it second hand."

"I was intending to call Alice tonight," I admit. "But I wanted to find out some things about him first so I could talk to Jacob about him."

"What things?" Mike asks, glancing at the bathroom door.

I follow his line of sight and am grateful to find both doors still closed.

Knowing time is of the essence, I cut straight to the chase. "Is he married?" I ask.

Mike's eyes narrow a little. "Does it matter?"

"Yes, I want to tell Jacob as much as I can about his father and if he has a wife and other children, Jacob needs to know."

Mike nods and my heart skips a beat, but then he shakes his head. "I don't think he ever remarried, or had kids. I've certainly never seen any pictures or references to any in the articles I've read. Like I said, you could probably find out everything except his address and phone number on Google," he says dismissively.

He sounds a little bitter now, and I touch his hand lightly with my fingers. He looks up, surprised.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth back then. Or when I came back last week. You've always been a good friend to me, Mike, and I'll understand if you don't want to get involved with me now."

His eyes widen in alarm.

"Shit, no!" I hiss. "That's not what I meant, I mean as friends. That's all I want, I'm not..."

His cheeks redden a little and, perversely, it reminds me of when I used to tease him when we were younger. The tension seems to drain out of him and his expression softens.

"You had me worried there." He smirks, but it fades quickly and his expression becomes serious again. "Look, you're gonna need all the friends you can get, Bella. I know you might not think so from what I said, but I'm here for you." He pats my hand. "As a friend."

"Thanks, Mike," I whisper.

He has given me plenty of food for thought, which I push to the back of my mind as the kids come back to the table. I regret telling Jacob about Adventureland as he tells me he can't wait to get there. All I want to do is get him home and figure out how I'm going to make some sort of sense of this mess.

Regret washes over me when I consider how many mistakes I've made, and how every decision I make now further compounds it. I wish I hadn't run away from my problems all those years ago; I wish I hadn't kept my secret. God, maybe I wish I hadn't come back at all, but the ball is rolling now and I have to be strong enough to deal with whatever it brings.

We head for the exit when Mike suddenly realises that Louise has left her jacket on her chair. I tell him I'll meet him outside. Feeling like I could use some fresh air, I rue the fact that the restaurant is within the confines of the mall.

I step through the door into the thronging mall. People are hurrying in all directions, and in my preoccupation I walk straight into someone and my bag goes flying. I watch, helpless, as the contents spill out onto the shiny tile floor. I get down on my knees and hastily start scooping everything up, aware that at any given moment my fingers could be crushed by the stomping feet surrounding me.

"Shit!" I hiss as a lipstick I don't even wear rolls away from me and I stretch to catch it.

People seem oblivious and barely move out of my way as I crawl across the floor, chasing random objects.

"Mom," Jacob says, tapping my back as I scan the floor to see if there is anything I've missed.

"Give me a second, sweetie," I reply, irritated by the people kicking my things away from my fingers.

I grab my hairbrush just before it is crushed by a man's huge boot. I glower up at him but he doesn't even notice me as he strides past.

"Mom!" Jacob hisses a little louder.

"I'm almost done, Jacob," I snap.

He tugs at my collar and I look up to see him looking over to my left. "Mom, why is that woman staring at me like that?"

"What woman?" I ask in confusion as I give the floor one last glance before getting to my feet.

"Her," he says, pointing.

I follow his gaze and my blood turns to ice.

Alice is standing not three feet away from us. Her wide, bewildered eyes are focused on Jacob.

Panic grips me. My heart soars into my throat when I see her mouth open in a shocked "O," and the recognition evident in her eyes.

* * *

**Uh-oh**

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks again for the lovely response. If you've read it before there's no need to review. I'm just happy you are enjoying it again. **

* * *

My palms and fingers start to tingle and I can actually _feel_ the blood draining from my face. I feel so lightheaded that for an awful moment, I worry I might faint.

Still tugging at my sleeve, Jacob asks again who the lady is and I drag my eyes away from Alice's startled face to look at him.

Confusion intensifies in his eyes when he meets my gaze, and it takes a huge effort to try to hide my anguish and relax my expression. I hear Mike's voice.

"Are we ready?" He smiles, but it vanishes instantly when he sees my face and he rushes to my side. "Are you okay, Bella?" he asks, clearly alarmed.

I don't need to answer because he spots Alice almost as soon as the question has left his lips. His eyes dart to Jacob and he curses under his breath. Straightening, he shoots me a very clear I-told-you-so-look.

I glance at Alice, who is still frozen to the spot – her mouth agape. Her eyes are fixed on Jacob and when I glance down again, I see that he is staring back at her. Seeing the curiosity on his face brings me to my senses a little, and I gain the presence of mind to get him out of here before Alice says anything.

"Um… Jacob, you – you go with Mike to the car and I'll be along in a couple of minutes," I stutter, looking pleadingly at Mike.

Spurred into action, Mike blinks a couple of times and then addresses the kids. "Yeah, right...yeah.." he rambles.

I crouch down in front of Jacob, praying that Alice won't approach us. "That lady is an old friend of mine, I just want to speak to her for a few minutes," I say quietly. "I won't be long, okay, sweetie?"

"Why can't I stay with you?" he complains. I try to block his view of Alice but he lifts up on his tiptoes and cranes his neck. "She looks really angry. Maybe I should stay here... with you."

"I'll take you to Nardini's," Mike cuts in. "I'll buy you all an ice cream cone, you can eat it on the way to the car."

Jacob blinks up at him and for a moment it looks like he might refuse. Thankfully though, Amy speaks up.

"Yay! Nardini's. Do you like mint choc-chip, Jacob?" she asks, her little eyes sparkling. "They have the best ice cream in the world and mint choc-chip is my favorite."

It feels like the hairs on the back of my neck are standing up, I am so aware of Alice still standing behind me. Jacob looks at her again and then looks up at me.

"You won't be long?" he asks, frowning.

I shake my head. "Just a few minutes, I promise. Everything's fine, go get some ice cream."

Mike glances nervously at Alice and dips his head in greeting. Alice doesn't acknowledge him, she's too fixated on Jacob, so Mike tells me where the ice cream parlor is and ushers the kids away. Jacob keeps looking over his shoulder till they turn the corner.

I turn to face Alice. My heart is hammering in my chest from the pure adrenalin coursing through me. Fight or flight? Isn't that what it's for? At this particular juncture, I'd like to take the second option but then that's what got me into this mess in the first place.

Alice's mouth snaps shut and a muscle works in her jaw as if she's grinding her teeth. She tears her eyes away from the corner Jacob disappeared around and turns her murderous gaze on me.

"What the fuck have you done, Bella?" she yells, and a few passersby turn to look at us, obviously shocked by her outburst.

For the first time, I notice the tall blonde man standing by her side. He clamps his hand on her shoulder and murmurs her name gently, as if to calm her. Her face is ashen and I see that I am not the only one trembling, however, I know the cause of our tremors differ greatly. Hers are clearly motivated by anger.

"He's Edward's isn't he?" She demands, her voice shaking slightly with the effort of keeping it down. "I-I don't understand. H-h-how could you _do_ this?" Her eyes flit between me and the man beside her. She glances again in the direction Jacob headed, and then turns back to the man. "You saw him, Jasper, he's the image of Edward. I didn't just imagine that, did I?"

"Alice!" Closing the distance between us, I tentatively touch her arm but she yanks it out of my way. "Alice, I know we have to talk, but I need to get back to Jacob. I'm so–"

"Don't you dare say you're fucking sorry!" she yells. "This is fucked up beyond belief and you think _sorry_ covers it?"

"No, no I don't," I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Look, Alice, I was going to call you tonight to tell you..."

"Oh, that's big of you!" she snaps. "You're waltzing around here with Mike fucking Newton... You've told him and you couldn't tell us... what if my mother saw you? Jesus Christ, I can't–" she turns into the man's – Jasper's – embrace and emits a choked gasp.

I'm caught between the proverbial rock and hard place. On the one hand, I want to stay and have it out with Alice, but on the other, I am worried about Jacob. I have to get back to him.

"I can't believe this," she hisses, whirling to face me with renewed vigor. "Do you mean to tell me you had Edward's baby and kept it from us for all this time?" Her voice is rising with every word and she is shouting again by the time she adds, "How could you do this, Bella? _Why_ would you do it?"

"Alice, I have to get back to Jacob, I'm sorry." She stiffens again at my apology but I continue on. "Let me go talk to him, make sure he's okay and then I'll come right back. I-I know we need to talk, but he hardly knows Mike and he'll be worried, please, I have to–"

"You never said anything," she says, ignoring my plea. "Even when I told you about his baby, you never said a word. You fucking sent me away. Did you think you could get away with it?"

Her face is inches from mine and I see Jasper's fingers tighten on her shoulder slightly.

"Did you really think you could come back to Forks and we wouldn't find out?" Her lips curl, turning her expression venomous. "Or do you just not care?"

It is more than evident that I can't bring Jacob back here with me. Leaving him with Mike is not an option either, so all I can do is try to placate her a little.

"Look, Alice, I can't do this right now. Jacob will be waiting for me, he worries. I have to get back to him. I'm sorry, I should have called as soon as I got back, but it's complicated..." I force out a harsh breath, dragging my shaking fingers through my hair. I'm getting this all wrong. "I'll call you tonight, as soon as Jacob is in bed, I promise. But, please, I really should go."

Her eyes are still wide and she doesn't respond. I look pleadingly at Jasper. I don't recognize him but his blue eyes are kind and sympathetic as he nods at me slightly. "Go," he says gently in a soft southern drawl. "But, please, call tonight." He pauses for a moment, glancing uncertainly at Alice before he adds. "I'm Jasper, by the way, Alice's husband."

"Oh," I mutter, unsure of what to say. I end up grimacing a little before telling him my name. It doesn't seem appropriate to shake hands, not with Alice glaring at us incredulously.

I turn to leave but then remember I don't have their number.

"Will you give me your number please?" I ask. "I'll call you this evening, I promise."

Alice stands watching, shock radiating from her and her eyes are static as she stares unseeingly right through me. She's not even listening to me anymore. She shakes her head and blinks before her eyes focus on me. "What am I going to say to Edward?"

"No!" I gasp, lurching forward. "You can't tell him, he has to hear it from me!" I grip her arms and this time she doesn't move. "Alice, listen to me, it has to be me who tells him. I just need a little time to make sure Jacob's okay before I do. Please, Alice, I'm begging you, don't–"

She pushes me away. "No, Bella!" she shrieks. "You can't expect me to keep this from him. What do you expect me to do; forget that I saw you playing happy families with Mike Newton and my brother's son?"

"Alice, let her get back to the boy." Jasper insists, restraining her a little. "She'll call tonight..." His eyes meet mine. "Can you meet us? This is not a discussion that can be had over the phone."

I can barely speak; my heart is pounding so hard I can feel it in my throat. "I-I don't know. I can't leave Jacob with Charlie, he's sick, Charlie's sick." I clarify. "Um... I don't know, I... I'll see what I can do. I'll try."

Jasper reaches into his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. He turns to Alice. "Do you have a pen in your purse?"

Alice looks at him blankly. Apparently realizing that he's not going to get much in the way of a response from her, he slides her purse off her shoulder and opens it. He writes a number on the paper and hands it to me.

"That's our home number and Alice's cell. She'll be waiting." He emphasizes the last part.

I swallow thickly and thank him before addressing Alice again. "Alice, I'm not asking you to lie or hide anything from Edward. I'm just asking you to hold off till we talk."

Suddenly, all the nervous energy seems to dispel. "I don't know what to say to him," she mutters sadly. "He'll be devastated."

Those three words slice through me, lacerating my composure and bringing tears to my eyes. "I'm sorry!" is all I can say.

"Go!" she hisses bitterly. "Go make sure _your son_ is okay."

Pushing my way blindly through the busy corridors, I manage to make it to the stairwell before my tears spill over. The heavy door clangs shut behind me and my sobs echo in the empty space. I rifle through my purse for a tissue and press it to my eyes, willing myself to calm down.

I should have called Alice earlier. Her finding out like this will only add fuel to the fire, and I fear I've ruined my chances of keeping control of the situation.

Sucking in deep breaths, I pace a little to release some of the nervous tension that has my heart beating like a jack hammer. Conscious of the time, I start to descend the stairs while my mind scrambles to recall where I parked my car.

By the time I get there, I've regained a little of my composure. I spot Mike and the kids standing next to my car.

Jacob is leaning against it with his head down and an untouched ice cream cone melting in his hand. Amy and Louise are bickering, while Mike looks worried as I approach.

He walks towards me. "You okay?" he asks, stooping a little till he's at eye level with me.

I nod but I can feel my chin wobble as I do.

Mike pulls me into his arms, squeezing me tightly. I curse inwardly, as fresh tears fall onto my cheeks.

How could I have been so naive? When I was in Florida, surrounded by everything that was familiar, it was easy to delude myself that my reasons for doing what I did were justified. But faced with the disbelief of Mike and the wrath of Alice, I am only just beginning to realize the enormity of my mistakes.

"Mom?"

Jacob's voice is anguished and I immediately pull away from Mike, wiping my cheeks furiously.

"It's okay, sweetie," I soothe, as Jacob flies into my arms.

"What is it, Mom?" he asks desperately. "What's wrong?"

I kiss the top of his head and then get down on my knees before him. "I think we should go home." I smooth his hair back off his face and it immediately flops back onto his forehead. His hazel eyes glitter with apprehension and the threat of tears as they search mine. "We'll go to Adventureland another day, okay?"

He nods and then hugs me tightly.

"I'm okay, baby, I promise." I whisper into his hair, kissing his head.

I look up at Mike and mouth that I'm sorry. He shakes his head dismissively, gestures that he'll call me and then leads his confused girls away. I turn away from their bewildered stares as they pass.

"Who was that lady, Mom?" Jacob's voice is muffled against my shoulder.

I pull back to look at him, and my heart suddenly feels like it weighs a hundred pounds when I see the scared look on his face.

"Her name is Alice," I answer, cupping his cheek in my hand. "She's your aunt."

His eyes pop. "Why didn't you let me stay? I want to meet her! Is my dad here?" The questions fly from his lips.

Brushing my thumb gently across his cheekbone, I shake my head. "No, sweetie, he's not here."

"But, she'll know where he is..." His brow furrows. "... Alice." he adds, as if he's testing how the name feels on his lips.

Getting to my feet, I keep my eyes on his. "Yes, she knows and I'm going to get his number tonight."

"And you'll call him tonight?" he asks eagerly, before his expression becomes unsure. "She seemed really angry; will he be angry with us too?"

"Oh, Jacob!" I cry, pulling him into my arms. "Nobody's angry with you, sweetheart." I exhale sharply. "It's this situation, it's very difficult for me to explain it to you, but you have to understand that nobody is angry with you."

He looks up, scanning my face. "But he'll be angry with you."

I lead him to the car. Once inside, I turn to face him. This is not where I imagined telling my son the details of my deception, but it is a long drive back to Forks and he needs answers now. As honestly as I think he can handle, I explain it to him.

I elaborate on the things I had only touched on before, telling him again that I left town without telling Edward that I was pregnant. I admit to him that I was wrong and stumble over my words when he asks why I did it. How can I tell him that Edward was married? There are no words to sugar coat it.

"I made some terrible decisions, Jacob. I was very young and you were my main concern." I smile sadly at him. "All I wanted to think about was you, and I lost sight of everything else."

His head is bowed a little.

Hooking my finger beneath his chin, I tilt his face up and wait till his eyes meet mine before speaking. "I'm sorry, Jacob. I love you very much, but I made a mistake. I shouldn't have kept you away from your father."

"I don't want to meet him if he's going to be mad at you," he whispers.

I scoot closer to him. "I don't want you worrying about me, okay?" I say gently, snaking my arm across his shoulder. "He'll know about you soon and he'll want to meet you."

His eagerness has vanished, replaced by apprehension. "When?"

"I don't know," I admit. "But I'll find out soon, I promise, sweetie."

We arrive home to a note from Charlie, telling us he has gone to work for a few hours. Jacob heads straight out to the back yard and I watch from the window as he sits on the tree swing Seth put up. Kicking his legs hard against the tree, he throws himself back and the swing spins violently. Fearing he'll hit his head on the tree, I rap my knuckles on the window.

"Jacob!" I yell. "Not so hard!"

He ignores me and spins harder. A knock on the front door stops me from marching out and yanking him from the swing.

"Hi!" Leah smiles when I open the door. "I brought that DVD I promised Jake," she says, waving a box at me.

"Come in," I say distractedly, heading back to the kitchen window.

"Is everything okay?" Leah asks, following me.

Jacob is still on the swing, but now he is simply kicking his toes into the ground and rocking gently. My shoulders sag.

"Bella, are you okay?"

I turn to Leah. "Yeah, sorry, I'm just worried about Jacob."

Leah leans over a little and peers through the window. "What's wrong with him, has something happened?"

"Do you have time for a coffee?"

Leah nods and I switch on the coffeemaker while still watching Jacob.

"We ran into Alice Cullen today," I say with a heavy sigh.

"Shit!" she hisses, whirling to face me. "What did she say?"

"She was too shocked to say much," I admit. "I'm kicking myself now. I should have called as soon as we got here and got Edward's number. It's such a mess; Alice is probably on the phone to Edward right now."

Leah's mouth drops open as she stares at me. "Then why are you sitting around here drinking coffee?" She stands up and looks out the window again. "Bella, you have to take control of this situation, you can't sit back and wait for them to make the first move."

"Alice's husband gave me their number. I said I'd call tonight after Jacob goes to bed."

She strides towards me with a look of utter determination on her face. "What if Edward shows up before then, hmm, did you think about that?" She stabs a finger towards the backyard. "How do you think Jacob will handle it if _he_ turns up here in a fit of rage?"

"Jesus, you're right!" I jump up from my seat. "I'll call Alice now."

Rounding the table, Leah grabs my keys and thrusts them into my hands. "No! You should go and have it out with her now! I'll stay here with Jacob."

Leah's right, of course. I can't wait for them to come here all guns a blazing. I have to talk to Alice and make her understand that I need to make arrangements for Edward to meet him. The last thing Jacob needs is for any of the Cullens to show up ranting and raving.

Leah gives me directions to Alice's house. Calling Jacob in, I tell him I have to go out for a while, but he's so delighted to see Leah he doesn't express any concern. They are already discussing the DVD Leah brought by the time I put my jacket on.

As I drive my mind casts back to the last time I saw Alice before I left town.

After almost two months enduring the pain of being shunned by the Cullens, I'd finally begun to reconcile myself with the fact that it was over. The damage had been done the day I walked into the interview and confessed and there was no going back. I'd started to think that, given time, I could start to get over Edward and get on with my life.

Then I found out I was pregnant.

My period had always been erratic. I was still being prescribed Yasmin for my skin but since my acne had cleared up, I didn't always remember to take it. Through the stress of everything I hadn't really noticed the absence of my period, but the more I thought of Irina's pregnancy the more I started to wonder and I realized I couldn't remember my last one.

Then I thought about how Edward and I hadn't used any other protection because I was already on the pill.

The day I took the test I sat on the edge of the bath staring at the stick on the window ledge. I already knew the answer somehow, but it still took me a solid hour to work up the courage to look.

Instantly, I didn't want Edward Cullen or his family anywhere near my baby. Not after everything that had happened, and definitely not now that I knew that my baby would be the fly in their ointment. I had no interest in me or my baby being merely tolerated for appearances sake.

Alice tried to talk to me at school a few days after I took the pregnancy test. I was busy stuffing things into my locker when I heard her voice behind me. She spoke quietly, telling me that Edward and Irina had left town. There was no bitterness in her voice that day, only sadness. I stood with my back to her staring into the abyss of my locker and listened as she tried to apologize.

Part of me wanted to turn around and hug her. I'd missed her so much and normally she would have been the first person I would have confided in about the pregnancy. But the other part of me was still bitter, still hurt and angry that she hadn't said a word to me in almost two months, even though she knew I was suffering.

I waited till she'd said her piece then I slammed my locker door shut and walked away from her without turning back.

I'd probably looked far more disaffected than I felt. I sat in English going over everything in my mind, trying to picture what my life would be like once the baby was born.

I thought about Edward and Irina and how they would be planning their future together: the perfect little family setting up home somewhere away from all the lies and deceit. What kind of future did I have? My baby would be a constant reminder of the wrong Edward and I had done, and I didn't want him growing up under that cloud.

At lunch time I was making my way to the cafeteria when I heard Angela and Jessica arguing in the hallway. Angela was defending me and calling Jessica out on her lies. Realizing quickly that any input from me into this argument would spread through the school like wild fire, I decided to wade in. I actually defended Jessica and told Angela that Jessica had told the truth. I knew my words would get back to Alice.

I was right. I had only just arrived home when she showed up pounding on my door.

When the investigation began Jessica's story held little weight and the less people believed the wilder her lies became. She even went so far as to claim that I had told her I wanted to lose my virginity to Edward and used my friendship with Alice as a way of getting close to him. She claimed we'd argued about it and that I'd swore I'd prove her wrong. She told everyone I had deliberately set out to have an affair with Edward just to prove her wrong and that all along I had been telling her all the sordid details of our relationship.

Since Charlie wasn't home our argument quickly became heated.

"_I'm not interested Alice!" I called through the closed door._

"_Open up!" she shouted._

_Opening the door a crack I glared out at her, but she surprised me by pushing the door wide and stalking into the hallway. _

"_I thought we could get over this…" she began angrily._

"_Who the hell do you think you are?" I spat. "You haven't spoken to me for nearly two months and now you turn up on my doorstep because _you_ want some answers!"_

"_Look, I know I was a shitty friend, but I had no choice Bella, I had to–"_

_I cut her off. "Alice I really don't care anymore. Just leave!"_

"_Why did you do it?" she asked, her voice calming considerably._

"_Do what, Alice? Fuck your brother?" I said with disdain. "Because I wanted to, because I could."_

_She blanched. "He says he loves you."_

My anger had escalated. Later I'd try to justify it to myself that my actions were motivated by my desire to put it all behind me. I felt bad for what I'd done to Irina and since she'd stood by Edward, I felt maybe it would be easier for her to move on if she believed that it had all been my fault. But the truth was I acted out of spite, I wanted to hurt Alice. I wanted my pound of flesh for the shitty way she and her family had treated me.

"_Loves me!" I scoffed. "You're brother is a selfish prick who fucked his sister's best friend in his car a couple of times. He's trying to justify it now by giving you the hearts and flowers sob story."_

"_Let me tell you how it was. I wanted him to be my first, so I set out to get him. It was easy, he's so fucking weak and selfish and doesn't care about anybody but himself. He couldn't keep it in his pants. That's it. That's all it was. He's a pathetic piece of shit who got caught with his pants down and then hid behind his family hoping to get away with it."_

"_That's not true!" she protested, her face contorted with anger as she stepped towards me. "I know he did wrong, but he's just trying to do the right thing, Irina needs him…"_

"_Edward wouldn't know the right thing if it bit him in the ass!" I screamed stalking to the door and opening it. "Now get out of my house and don't come back here again!"_

_Tears were pricking my eyes, so I didn't look at her as she passed. But she stopped and it took all my strength not to cry when she spoke._

"_I know we handled it badly, Bella," she sighed. "But I know you and I know my brother, so I can see which one of you is lying. Maybe when you've calmed down we can–"_

_It was too much. "Get out!" I yelled._

_She jumped in fright but then shook her head sadly and left. I pressed my back to the door after I slammed it and slid to the floor sobbing. My tears were not only fuelled by bitterness and rage but by the awful knowledge that despite everything, I still loved him. _

By the time I'm finished torturing myself with memories of the past, I've reached my destination.

Alice's house is on the other side of town, in the same neighborhood where Mike lives. Driving slowly along the street, reading the door numbers, I pull up to the curb when I reach hers. Sighing with relief when I spot a car in the driveway, I pull on the emergency break. I had feared she might not be home and I'd have to go to her parents instead.

Steeling myself, I get out of the car, lock it, and take purposeful strides towards the house. Despite my nerves, I don't fail to notice what a pretty house it is. Everything about it is immaculate; from the fresh, white painted walls to the glossy, black front door. I pick up the heavy brass knocker and rap the door three times.

Instantly, I hear footsteps and square my shoulders. The door opens and Jasper's eyebrows shoot up when his eyes connect with mine.

"Um...we just got home," he says, his face a mixture of surprise and confusion. "Did we miss your call?"

I tilt my chin up before speaking. "No, I didn't call. Can I come in? I need to talk to Alice, now."

"Of course!" he says, immediately stepping back to allow me access.

I step into a hallway that is decorated beautifully; I'd expect nothing less from Alice. It's all sleek lines, soft muted tones and elegantly accessorized. Her voice filters through from a room to my left as she asks Jasper who is at the door.

She appears in the doorway, but unlike Jasper she doesn't seem surprised to see me.

"I didn't think you'd wait till tonight," she says simply. "You're here to make sure I haven't called Edward yet, aren't you?"

"Among other things, yes," I respond coolly, glad that we have both calmed down since earlier.

She turns and disappears into the room, her heels clicking sharply on the wooden floor. I glance quickly at Jasper before following her.

She gestures to one of the sofas and invites me to sit down. I perch on the edge of it, feeling the coolness of the soft leather beneath me.

"So, _have _you called him?" I ask, when she sits down opposite.

Jasper slides onto the sofa beside her. A large glass coffee table separates the space between us, creating an interview-like atmosphere. I stare expectantly into Alice's eyes.

"Edward is in Brazil," she informs me. "He's there on business and he's not due back until late next week."

Some of my tension is alleviated by this information. He won't be turning up on my doorstep today.

"Is there a number where I can reach him?"

Alice's eyes snap to mine. "You can't be serious?" she gasps. "Surely, you're not intending to call him out of the blue and lay this on him."

"What do you suggest I do, Alice?" I ask. "Hide Jacob away until Edward returns from Brazil? It's a small town Alice, word will get out soon enough and it could very well get back to him, regardless of where in the world he is."

She swallows hard. "I still can't get my head around this. Did you know you were pregnant that day I came to see you?"

My head dips slightly and I can feel my pulse quicken from the memories alone. "Yes, I'd only found out a couple of days before."

"Why didn't you tell us, Bella?" she demands.

My eyes flit to Jasper, who is watching me with rapt attention. It unnerves me slightly, and I wonder just how much of the story Alice has told him.

"You shut me out, all of you!" I say with bitterness seeping into my tone. "You closed ranks, refusing my calls, ignoring me at school, playing the role of the poor, wronged Cullens, while I took all the flak for everything."

"And I came to you to apologize, to try to explain but you just kept lying to my face," she shouts, gripping the edge of the sofa on either side of her knees.

"It was the truth!"

Her lips curl into a sneer. "You wouldn't know the truth if it hit you in the face," she screams. "You stood there that day and ripped Edward apart with the hateful stuff you said. You really hurt me, Bella!"

"You weren't the only one hurting, Alice!"

The air is electric with the tension around us. "So the whole time you were lying to me and telling me how pathetic he was for trying to please his family, how easy it was to seduce him because he was weak and desperate, you were pregnant with his baby? You fucking bitch!"

Without realizing it, I'm on my feet. "I didn't come here for a fight, Alice. Just give me Edward's number and I'll go!"

"No you will not!" she objects. "You owe us an explanation, and you'll damn well stay here and give it to me. I get that we hurt you Bella, I get why you were angry. But I can't understand why you'd let your son grow up not knowing his father."

The air leaves my lungs in an almighty whoosh as if she physically punched me in the gut. That is the crux of my guilt. For Jacob's sake, I should at least have tried to find out about his father and if there was a place for him in his life. Once the dust had settled there was nothing stopping me, but I let my own fears take precedence over Jacob's needs.

But I won't let her guilt trip me. This is between Edward, Jacob and I. "I don't owe you anything Alice. Maybe you should think about this from the perspective of an 18 year old girl who had no one to turn to because everyone she trusted turned their back on her." I glare at her pointedly.

"How would your family have treated me and Jacob, hmm? Think about it, can you really see us all sitting round the table having Sunday lunch? Me opposite Edward and Irina, Jacob playing with his half –"

I stop remembering there is no half sibling.

"So you think about that, Alice, and there's your explanation." I finish angrily.

"You should have given it a chance, you've had ten years to do that!" She yells.

I laugh bitterly. "It always comes back to me, doesn't it? You just don't see it. You and your family are just as much to blame as I am."

Jasper moves between us and presses a placating hand on Alice's shoulder, "This isn't getting anybody anywhere."

She rubs Jasper's hand as her expression relaxes. Maintaining eye contact with her, I sit down again, slowly.

"He really did love you," Alice says bitterly, her voice is quieter now. "After you left, Jessica told me her story was bullshit. I knew you were lying when you went along with it and I knew why. But I don't understand why you confessed to the medical board."

My eyes close as I force myself to breathe slowly. My hands ball into fists. "One day he's telling me he loves me and we're going to be together, the next he's refusing my calls and his wife is pregnant," I point out slowly. "I was hurt, I was angry and I fought back!"

Her expression softens momentarily. "He came back to Forks, he couldn't live a lie. We tried to find you." I see the exact moment Jacob enters her thoughts again. Her chin lifts and her lips press into a thin, harsh line. "I wanted to apologize to you because I knew we'd been wrong. We all let you down. But I can't understand this, Bella. I can't understand why you hate Edward so much that you would do _this_ to him!"

It's clear to me that Alice just won't look at it from any point of view other than her own.

Just as her emotions threaten to boil over again, Jasper steps in. "I think maybe you two should forget about the past for now." He turns to me and I am struck by the realization that I like him, he has a gentle, calming manner about him and though he has sat through all of these revelations, it doesn't feel like he's judging me in any way. "What have you told Jacob about his father?"

Alice's eyes bore into mine.

"Just the basics."

"Like what?" Alice pipes up.

"I don't know much about Edward, so there's not very much I can say." I bite out sarcastically. "If you want the truth, I've practically only told him his name."

Alice opens her mouth but Jasper heads her off. "And he's expecting to meet him?"

I nod. "Yes, he knows I'm trying to make it happen."

Alice shakes her head dubiously.

"Okay, that's good." Jasper says quietly, "I have to agree with Alice, though, I don't think it would be a good idea for you to call Edward and tell him right away."

My eyes fly to his. "Wait, what?" I ask standing, "No! I have to tell him as soon as possible. I'm not risking another chance encounter like today!"

He takes me by surprise when he places his hands on my shoulders.

"I agree with you, that's why I think I should go to Brazil and tell him."

I blink several times as I process his words. He waits patiently, not moving, his expression unwavering.

"You?" I whisper, turning to Alice who shows no signs of agreement or disagreement.

Jasper continues. "I can arrange to fly down there tomorrow." My eyes are still on Alice as he speaks. "I'll take the company jet–"

"Jet?" I squeak.

Jasper's lips curve a little as if he's suppressing a smile. "Yes, jet. Aside from being friends and brothers-in-law, I work for Edward, so it won't be a problem. I think the news might be better coming from me. I'll explain it to him."

It doesn't sit well with me, allowing Jasper to be the one who tells him. But I can't deny that he has a way about him that might mean it would be the easiest way. Emotions are running high enough now and I can only begin to imagine how much worse this would be if it were Edward I was confronting and not Alice.

We manage to have a stilted conversation, much of it peppered with questions from Alice. Thankfully, Jasper keeps it on track and we finally reach an agreement: Jasper will fly to Brazil tomorrow to tell Edward and will call me afterwards. That is not a call I am particularly relishing.

"When can I meet Jacob?" Alice asks as I'm preparing to leave.

"After Edward has," I answer coolly. "And please, ask your parents to respect that too. Edward is the person Jacob most wants to meet, so it's vital that he meets him first."

Her face is stern and her mouth turns down in disappointment, but she nods in agreement.

I arrive home to find Charlie waiting on the porch. His expression is tight as he meets me half way across the yard.

"Leah told me what happened," he says, striding closer. "You okay?"

I walk straight into his embrace and he pulls me tight against his chest. A long, slow sigh escapes me and it feels like I am deflating in his arms. Pressing my cheek to his chest, I revel in the comfort he provides.

"It's such a mess, Dad." I whimper, feeling the energy draining out of me. "I don't know if I can face this."

His lips brush the top of my head. "I'm here for you, Bells, I won't let them hurt you or Jacob. I promise."

I look up into his face as he smiles sadly at me. "I won't lie to you. It won't be easy and I don't know if he'll ever forgive us. But once he gets to know that wonderful boy you raised, I'm willing to bet, he'll learn to get over it and make the best of it."

"What if he wants to take him away from me?" I cry. "He has a lot of money; he can offer Jacob a far better life than I can!"

Cupping my head in his hands, he takes a small step back and looks at me sternly. "You listen to me, Bella. You've done a wonderful job raising Jacob. He's never lacked any of the things that money can't buy. Edward Cullen can throw as much money as he wants at things, but that can't ever replace the love you've heaped on that boy. You remember that."

The kiss he plants on my forehead is almost violent in its intensity. "Jacob needs you and he'll always need you, no amount of money will ever change that."

* * *

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	8. Chapter 8

His hand swirls over my swollen belly and I sigh appreciatively, enjoying the way his smooth palms warm my skin. Soft lips flutter on the base of my neck and I whimper at the sweet sensation when his tongue replaces his lips. _God, how I've missed this!_

Arousal thrums through my veins as I turn – anticipating his kiss. His eyes bore into mine while his lips spread in a wide smile and I move towards him, desperate now for his lips on mine.

Never leaving his mouth, my eyes focus on his lips and the way they are slowly curling back, revealing his impossibly white teeth – but there's something odd about them, they're too straight, too sharp. My mouth dries as his smile turns to a sneer and his fingers tighten painfully on my belly.

"Mine!" he growls, his face twisting into anger. "Mine, Bella!"

Fear douses my arousal and I struggle to pull away – his hand grips my shoulder, he's shaking me and shouting my name.

"No!" I scream. My limbs feel like they are made of lead and I can't move as I fight to get away from him. "NO!"

"Bella!" he shouts again, shaking harder.

His fierce scowl starts to recede but he's still pulling at my stomach while Charlie shakes me by the shoulders. _Charlie?_

"Bella," Charlie says in a loud whisper. "It's time to get up."

I blink up at him. It was only a dream.

"Bad dream?" Charlie asks, smoothing a hand over my forehead.

I nod and sit up, rubbing my eyes. It's still dark. "What time is it?" I croak.

Relief begins to calm me and I blow out a heavy, cleansing breath.

"5:30a.m." He smiles, setting a cup of coffee on the nightstand. "We'll be leaving in an hour. You can have the pleasure of waking Jacob."

I've never understood why he goes fishing so early and even though I went to bed early last night , it still feels like the middle of the night to me.

As he leaves the room my thoughts turn back to my dream. It's been a hectic couple of days since I visited Alice and Jasper, and with my stress levels through the roof, it's probably only natural that I'm having horrible nightmares.

Last night I dreamed Edward was chasing me through a forest and I could barely run because I was so heavily pregnant. I'm always pregnant in these dreams. I glance over at Jacob curled up on my bed sleeping blissfully and my heart constricts.

After Leah left the other night, I sat him down and told him about our plans for Jasper to go to Brazil to tell Edward. Jacob was confused by this, wondering why I didn't just call him myself. I did my best to make him understand that Edward would be surprised – I deliberately didn't use the word shocked – and that it might be best if he heard the news face to face.

That night he'd woken up in the middle of the night, thankfully interrupting my nightmare, and I'd slipped into bed beside him and held him as he fell back asleep. He didn't want to talk anymore but I knew he must still have had so many things going through his mind that he just needed to know I was there. It was so hard not to cry as I felt his arms wind around me and hold on tight.

Mike called yesterday and offered to pick us up for Jacobs first day at school. We talked for an hour and though he still expressed concern that I wasn't the one telling Edward, he agreed that under the circumstances, Jasper telling him was the best I could do. I love having Mike's support and his perspective is invaluable to me.

As I sip my coffee I start to anticipate the difficult days ahead. Charlie has to go to the hospital tomorrow, Jacob starts school the day after and Edward is only days away. My spirits plummet even further as the enormity of it all threatens to overwhelm me.

Jacob stirs and I glance at him again. Charlie insisted on the fishing trip today and now I'm glad because at least we can get away from it all for one day before the shit storm descends on us.

* * *

"Come on, Jacob!" I yell upstairs.

"I'm coming!" he calls as he hurtles out of the bedroom and down the stairs. "I found them."

He holds up the pair of green Wellington boots that Leah gave him. They are a size too big but he insists on wearing them, despite the fact that I offered to buy him a brand new pair from Newton's.

Yawning, I lift the cooler that holds our lunch and usher Jacob out to the car. Charlie is loading his fishing gear into the trunk. I grin, watching Jacob do a weird shuffle-run to show Charlie the boots. Charlie beams at him and pats his head as he admires them, and my heart swells to see the two of them so excited about our day trip.

It's a ninety minute drive to Charlie's favorite spot. The very early start must have been too much for Jacob, because he falls asleep thirty minutes into the journey. This surprises Charlie, but I tell him that ever since he was a baby, he has always fallen asleep in the car when tired. He's never grown out of it.

Charlie leans over and turns the radio up a little. "What did Alice's husband say when he called?" Charlie asks, shooting a sideways glance at me.

Jasper called yesterday, just as Charlie was leaving for work and we haven't had a chance to discuss it. I turn to check that Jacob is still sleeping, but taking no chances, I answer in hushed tones, thankful that the speakers are in the back of the car.

"They're flying back the day after tomorrow."

"Mhmm…" Charlie nods. "I'm not asking about his schedule, Bella," he says, quirking an eyebrow.

I sigh. "It seems Jasper is very good at evading questions. He didn't give too much away, but reading between the lines, I'd say ..." I glance at Jacob again, "_he_ didn't take the news well."

"I can take a couple of days off work; I'm not leaving you in the house alone over the next few days," Charlie announces.

"Dad, you don't need to. Jasper is going to call me when they get back and we'll make arrangements."

Stretching up in his seat, he glances in the rear-view mirror before addressing me again. "I think you and I should meet him before we let him anywhere near Jacob," he says, quietly.

"I'm planning on meeting him alone," I tell him.

His head whips round and he regards me briefly before turning his attention back to the road.

"What?" I prompt, when he shows no signs of speaking.

His shoulders sag a little. "I guess I'm having a hard time remembering you're a grown woman now, Bella," he admits. "If that's what you think is best then I'll respect your wishes, but think about it, he's not going to turn up with flowers and a teddy bear. I want to be there for you, just in case things get ugly."

I touch his arm. "You _are_ here for me, Dad." I smile gently. "And I have no doubt things will get ugly, but he won't hurt me." _Not physically._

Though his frown tells me he's unconvinced, we drop the discussion, ever aware that Jacob might wake and overhear us.

The phone conversation with Jasper had been awkward at best. Talking to a relative stranger about your most personal business is excruciatingly embarrassing and our words were horribly stilted. He did admit that Edward had "suggested" coming straight home but Jasper had managed to convince him to take a few days to think about things instead of rushing in like a bull in a china shop.

I thought about asking Jasper to explain to Edward that Jacob would be starting school in a couple of days, in the hope that he would give him some time to adjust, but then I worried that I'd have to sit outside the school for the whole day in case he showed up, so I said nothing about that. I merely asked him to ask Edward to give me till the weekend to make sure Jacob is ready. He agreed to do that and promised to call me as soon as they were back.

Strangely Jasper was holding Edward back for me, but I was grateful of it. He must have called Alice directly after he spoke to me, because she called barely fifteen minutes after he had. She tried to offer me apologies and said she had taken time to think and wanted to explain, but Alice is low on my list of priorities right now, so I was as gracious as I could muster when I told her that I'd need time.

The cold air is crisp and sharp, hurting my lungs as I drag in deep breaths while I help Charlie drag the boat to the water's edge. Jacob takes the stern and makes a grand show of pushing with all his might. It's little more than a rowing boat and I have to admit I'm not relishing the thought of spending most of the day stranded in it out on the lake.

Pulling the straps of his waders up over his shoulders, Charlie gives Jacob a boost into the boat before letting me use his arm for support as I struggle in behind Jacob.

Charlie lets Jacob man one oar while he takes the other. Jacob beams at me, loving the fact that Charlie is allowing him to be so hands on.

"Put your hat on, sweetie, it's cold."

Jacob grimaces, pulls his hat out of his pocket and yanks it over his head, all the while rolling his eyes at me.

I watch from the discomfort of the hard wood beneath me as Charlie shows Jacob how to prep the line. Charlie opens the bait tin and we both laugh loudly when Jacob retches – much to his chagrin. It takes a solid ten minutes for Charlie to convince Jacob to pick up a grub and hook it on the line.

After that, it all gets pretty boring for me, so I pull out my book and start to read. But Charlie's words start to filter into my consciousness and my attention is drawn to him. I listen as he tells Jacob tales about his fishing adventures when he was a little boy. He describes how his father and his uncle used to bring him here and it was his favorite place to be.

Jacob's eyes are wide with wonder as he scans the landscape, taking in the lush green of the trees, the smooth, glassy surface of the calm water reflecting the heavy bank of white, fluffy clouds obscuring the sky. He is rapt as he hangs on Charlie's every word – and I am too. I watch them bond and it fills me with pride and regret in equal measure.

"I got something!" Jacob suddenly yells, and the boat rocks as he jumps to his feet.

"Okay, quiet down now keep a firm grip," Charlie orders as he slides towards him and curls his hand over Jacob's, helping to control the rod. "Hold still now!"

Jacob shoots me a wide grin and then focuses his attention back on Charlie. His tongue sticks out as he concentrates. I swallow as Charlie wraps his arm around him and steadies the rod. Jacob looks up into Charlie's eyes with glee and asks him what to do next.

After a few minutes of Jacob's grunts and exclamations, the fish is wrenched from the water. Charlie winds in the reel and the fish swings precariously close to Jacob who lurches backwards in fright. At first I'm amused as he scrambles backwards over Charlie's lap, but then his feet slip and slide on the wet floor and his arms flail as he tries to back away from the fish. His eyes are wide with horror and a choked cry flies from his wide open mouth.

"Put it back!" He screeches, in the most girly scream I've heard him emit.

The boat rocks wildly and my initial humor turns to horror as he lurches to the left. Dropping my book, I scramble towards him and grab a fistful of his jacket just as he falls on his ass with an almighty thump.

There is a moment's stunned silence until Charlie roars with laughter as he tries to grab the fish, which is still jack-knifing furiously on the line.

"Throw it back, Grandpa!" Jacob pleads.

Charlie frees the fish, throws it back into the water and smiles at Jacob proudly. It's the first time Jacob has called him simply, Grandpa and I swallow my emotions as I witness just how much it means to Charlie.

I pull myself up before helping Jacob, who looks mortified. Charlie laughs again and then reaches out and pulls Jacob down beside him.

"I did the exact same thing son, the first time I caught a fish." He chuckles. "Only, I toppled all the way into the water. My dad was so mad; I had to wait a month before he trusted me enough to bring me back."

"Really?" Jacob gasps.

Charlie ruffles his hair. "Really."

"It looked horrible, shaking on the hook like that," Jacob says solemnly.

"I know, son," Charlie agrees. "But you get used to it."

Jacob frowns. "My butt's wet now."

Charlie bursts into another fit of laughter.

After that, Jacob keeps a safe distance whenever Charlie catches anything, but in between times they chat and Jacob keeps up a steady pace of questions that Charlie is only too happy to answer.

For the first time in my life, I enjoy being the third wheel.

This is exactly what we all need: time to be together, away from everything. For a short while I allow myself to sit and enjoy this precious time we have. I want to take time to smell the roses for once, to forget about the past and the future and just live in the moment.

All too soon, Jacob gets hungry and we start to head back. When we get to the jetty, Charlie anchors the boat while I set up our lunch in the small shelter by the shore.

After lunch, Charlie shows Jacob how to skim stones across the water. Eventually Jacob gets the hang of it and stays by the water's edge to practice, while Charlie rejoins me in the shelter.

"He's quite the little man," he says, sitting down heavily. "I've had a great time today, Bella." He smiles.

We look on, as Jacob diligently searches for stones to skim on the water. He's tenacious when he wants to learn a new skill and he throws stone after stone until he's finally shouting at us in glee that he can do it.

Charlie turns and stares at me. Initially, I smile at him, expecting him to look away, but his eyes become so intense the smile drains away.

"What is it?" I ask.

He shrugs a little. "I'm just enjoying having you two here, I guess."

His words are rueful, there's no mistaking that, so I stay quiet, recognizing his need to talk.

"You know, being sick has made me see things differently," he begins. I want to stop him but my reasons are selfish, so I bite my tongue. "It's like when your options are taken away, all you're left with are the choices you made." He sighs and rubs his moustache contemplatively. "I should have fought harder," he adds quietly.

"What?"

His head bows and he seems to be studying his feet. "When your mother left, I should have followed. I should've at least tried to win her back. I thought I was too proud, but really, I was too scared. I felt like I wasn't enough for her." He shrugs. "Maybe I wasn't, but I never tried." His eyes meet mine. "I regret that for so many reasons, but most of all because it cost me my baby."

Tears sting my eyes as I remember the day we left.

"Bella, I've missed you so much, but your mother and me... I just couldn't... we weren't right for each other and I thought you were better off living with her." He jams his fingers into his hair. "I let you down and now I don't have the time to make it up to you."

I move to him and he wraps his arms around me, crushing his cheek to my forehead.

"Having you and Jacob here is more than I deserve." He chokes out. "I shouldn't be subjecting you to this."

"Dad," I protest. "We love you. I'd rather have this time than no time at all. And Jacob will treasure this, I know that. He needs..." My stomach rolls.

"He needs a father figure," Charlie completes.

"God, Bella, I never thought it would've come to this," he says. "I always accepted the way I am, you know? I like my routines, I like control. Anything that takes me out of my comfort zone; I'll walk away. But I've found this new perspective and I wish I'd fought when I had the chance."

"I love you," I say, trying to reassure him.

He shakes his head. "When your mother sent you back to me, you were so broken, so hostile. I did that," he states simply.

"No." I try to protest.

"When you became friends with Alice, it was such a relief to me. She was a good girl, much nicer than the kids you were hanging around with. The Cullens were a good family. I thought you were turning a corner. Your mood improved, you seemed happier, so I was happy too. I thought it was better that you were spending so much time in their house, it kept you off the streets." He straightens. "I never knew –"

"It's all in the past, Dad," I insist.

"But it's not, Bella," he protests. "I guess I'm just trying to tell you that I regret not being a bigger part of your life."

Hearing Charlie's confession feels like shards of glass piercing every part of my brain – realization bleeds through me and nothing has hurt this much in such a long time.

"I always loved you, even though I let you think I hated you." I choke back a sob." I always loved you, Daddy!"

I feel his lips press against my head and his heart is beating wildly as he crushes me to him. "I'm sorry I didn't help you face up to things, Bella, I'm sorry that I brought you back here and it's so much worse than it should have been."

I pull away and search his face. "What are you talking about?"

"The Cullens started the ball rolling when they shut you out, and I went along with it, Bella. I thought we could ride the storm, so I settled. Then, when you told me you were pregnant, it was the curve ball I couldn't handle. I let you do what I've always done, Bella. I let you run away from your problems, when I should have been there for you and helped you face them head on."

We argue back and forth about the whys and wherefores of our decisions but it all boils down to now and the mess I'm in.

"Having you back here has reminded me of everything I missed out on. Being with Jacob today..." He shakes his head. "I'd kill to have a full life with you and your boy."

He stares at me solemnly. "And I suspect Edward will feel the same way."

"But he..."

"Oh, don't get me wrong," he snorts bitterly. "The Cullens handled this worse than we did, so I still blame them, but I can't help but remember how desperate Edward was when he came back, and that's what's eating me up now – knowing that I helped keep him away from his son, even though I hated being kept away from you."

"So why didn't you tell me?"

He pulls a juice box out of the cooler and rips the straw off before stabbing it into the hole. He takes a drink and winces slightly as he drops his hands back to his lap.

"Are you okay?" I ask, concerned that his pain is returning.

He cuts me off with a shake of his head before answering my original question. "He turned up out of the blue, almost kicked the goddamned door down. He was full of apologies alright, insisting he'd made a mistake and wanted to explain himself."

His words come faster as if he needs to unburden himself. "I hated him. It's as simple as that. I hated him because I'd lost you all over again. So, I sent him away when I shouldn't have."

"I don't blame you, Dad," I insist.

"Oh, I know," he sighs. "But it doesn't make it right. If I'd stopped to think about it, I might have realized that telling Edward the truth might have brought you back to me." He stares at Jacob. "We could have had so many days like this."

He shifts a little on the wooden seat, stretching his legs out in front of himself. Resting his head back against the bare wood, he closes his eyes and releases a long, slow sigh. "What would you have done if I'd told you he came back?"

He doesn't open his eyes as he speaks and I watch him while I think. I try to imagine how different things would have been if I'd told Edward about Jacob years ago. After turning the situation over in my mind again, I still honestly think that when he came back for me it was too late, there were too many obstacles standing in our way. After everything we'd done to each other, I can't see a way that we could have made it work.

Even though it was too late for me, it was too soon for Jacob. There was too much hurt and bitterness and in a way I'm glad that Jacob wasn't brought into the world amidst all that. If Edward had come back a year later, then maybe we could have worked things out to a place where we were able to be civil for Jacob's sake.

I relay all this back to Charlie, who sits with lips pursed and eyes tightly closed throughout.

"We should get going," I say, suspecting that he is in pain. "I think Jacob's mastered the art of skimming."

His eyes open and he leans forward, with another tell-tale wince, before focusing on Jacob. "Give him another five minutes."

I call to Jacob and tell him we'll be leaving in five minutes. He tries to barter for ten, but I stay firm and the next stone he throws lands squarely in the water with a loud splash.

Charlie chuckles. "He never complains."

"He has his moments, but he's very mature sometimes. On a normal day, he would've kicked up merry hell, but he knows these days are far from normal."

"He hasn't mentioned Edward today," Charlie observes.

"I think it's beginning to dawn on him that it's not going to be all plain sailing. I think he thinks Edward and I are going to hate each other and he'll be caught in the middle."

"Do you hate him?"

"Hate's a strong word," I say quietly, evading the question.

"Do you love him, then?"

My head snaps round. He's watching me intently and our eyes meet. He raises his eyebrows as if to prompt me to answer, but when I don't, he speaks again. "I thought so."

"What does that mean?"I ask defensively, suddenly feeling a little exposed.

"Seems to me like you haven't ever had a proper relationship since Edward and I'm wondering why that is," he muses. "I know you, Bella. You maybe don't think I do, but I know you wouldn't have gotten involved with a married man unless you couldn't fight it."

I'm blushing to the roots of my hair, just like I used to when I was younger. "Dad, are we really gonna talk relationships?"

He snorts a little, but it's good natured. "Yeah," he insists. "We're both adults, I think I can handle it."

I sneak a glance at him and there are two pink spots just below his cheekbones.

"I don't think you ever got over him and that's part of the reason you stayed away."

I know he's right. There've been a few guys here and there but none of them felt right, not like Edward did. When things started to turn serious, I panicked and bailed every time. Deep down I've always known I never stopped loving him, but that's redundant. He's not the man I thought he was and he'll be even less so now. So, essentially, I've spent my adult life loving a man that doesn't exist.

"I liked that it was just Jacob and me," I tell him.

He stands up stiffly and repeats his words from earlier in that annoyingly knowing tone. "Yep, that's what I thought."

We pack up our things and his pain is more evident now.

"When we get home you should go straight to bed, you look tired."

He doesn't argue, he simply nods and throws me the keys. "You should drive."

Charlie is quiet for the entire journey back home, while Jacob ruminates over the ethics involved in yanking fish from their natural habitat and taking them home to eat them. I wonder if my vegetarianism has rubbed off on him a little, though I've never forced my opinions on him.

Turning onto our street, I spot it straight way: A sleek black sports car is parked a little way along the road from our house.

My heart almost stops beating.

My knuckles tighten on the wheel.

Pins and needles prickle my skin.

He's here!

And I'm not ready.

Tapping Charlie's thigh to catch his attention, I nod towards it. Charlie stiffens as soon as he lays eyes on it, convincing me he too is thinking the same as I am. He briefly looks at Jacob warily, before turning back to me.

I turn into the driveway, racking my brains, wondering how I'm going to get Jacob into the house before he reaches us.

Charlie is singing from the same hymn sheet. "You two go in and I'll get the stuff from the trunk," he says, trying and failing, to sound normal.

"No!" My voice is a little louder than I had intended, so I lower it quickly. "Jacob, you go in and take a shower and I'll help Grandpa with the gear."

Blissfully oblivious, Jacob shrugs, takes the keys from me and we all get out of the car together. I look around wildly, expecting Edward to come rushing into the yard, but thankfully there's no sign of him. Yet.

Jacob disappears inside, and I rush around the car to Charlie. "Go inside," I plead. "Make sure Jacob doesn't come out. I'll deal with this."

"I'm not leaving you to do this alone!" he protests. "We don't even know if it's him. Let me check."

When I hear a car door slam and my voice is more urgent. "Please Dad, I need you to stay in there with Jacob. Let me handle this!"

He opens his mouth to argue but I am already backing away towards the street. "Please!"

I turn, and step out of the yard onto the street.

And there he is.

At first, nothing registers but the need to get him away from here. I rush towards him.

"NO!" I yell as he strides towards me.

"Where is he?" he barks, stalking towards me and showing no signs of stopping.

Fearing he'll simply walk straight past me, I step in front of him and push my hands into his chest. "You can't do this, you can't just show up and demand to see him!"

His emerald eyes are menacing as he glares down at me. He grips my forearms as if he's going to throw me to the curb.

"Take your hands off her!"

I turn to see Charlie coming towards us. His face is rigid with anger.

"I came to see _my_ son, Charlie," Edward says in a tone that suggests he won't leave till he gets what he wants.

Charlie lays a hand on my shoulder when he reaches us, but his eyes never leave Edward's face. "You need to go calm down first." Charlie says, staring at Edward with steely determination. "Unless you _want_ the boy to be afraid of you?"

Edward says nothing, and I only realize he is still gripping me as his fingers loosen and he lets go. Charlie looks down at me and nods grimly.

"I'm going in now, you coming?"

"Give me a minute."

Charlie backs away reluctantly, and as soon as he's out of sight, Edward grips my forearm again.

I whirl to face him, ready to order him to let me go, but the venomous look on his face stops me in my tracks. "You have one hour to tell him I'm here and then I'm coming in, ready or not!" he says through gritted teeth.

Seeing red, I yank my arm free of his grasp. "No! You don't get to order me around. I know what's best for him, so I'll be calling the fucking shots!" I shout. "Jasper said you wouldn't be back for two more days – so, no, we're not ready."

He grabs my arm again and starts marching me towards his car.

"What the hell are you doing?" I ask, trying to free myself, but his grip is too strong and painful this time.

He doesn't answer me until he reaches the car and opens the passenger door. He pushes me down into the seat, "Put your feet in," he orders, before adding, "if you don't want to lose them."

I lift my feet before he slams the door. My heart feels like it's re-enacting the motions of the fish struggling on Jacob's line earlier. It thrashes in my chest as I watch him speed to the driver's side.

He gets in and closes the door with the same force he did mine. It snaps me to my senses and my fingers feel along the door, looking for the handle. Finding it, I curl my fingers around it, but before I can pull his hand is on mine, stopping me. He looms over me.

"What? Are you kidnapping me now?" I say dryly as his eyes spear mine.

"I'm not taking you anywhere," he answers derisively. "Since you're the one holding all the cards, you're going to sit here and tell me everything I need to know about my son before I meet him."

The heat of his hand seeps into mine, and in the confines of the car I'm suddenly all too aware of him. His eyes are harder than they used to be; he has a few faint lines around them, and his hair is no longer wild but cut and styled immaculately.

My heart starts to beat a little faster as unwanted memories start to push to the fore. My memory hasn't done him justice, I'd almost forgotten how goddamned beautiful he is. He opens his mouth to speak and my eyes dart to his soft, full lips, which are framed by a day's growth of golden brown stubble.

"But first, you're going to tell me why the fuck you kept him away from me!"

He moves closer as he speaks and I catch a faint whiff of his cologne, but when I inhale deeper, the stench of fish and mud also greets my nostrils.

I look down in despair at the old ratty clothes I'm wearing. I don't even want to think about the state of my hair. _Wait? Why does this even matter?_

I shift back in the seat once his hand uncurls from mine and he moves slowly back out of my personal space.

"Just like Alice!" I snort. "It's all about what I did wrong. What about you, Edward? Why did you dump me without a word? Why did you leave me with no fucking choice?"

"I don't give a fuck about any of that; it still didn't give you the right to deny me the knowledge that I have a son, or the chance to be a part of his life."

"Of course you don't give a fuck!" I scream in frustration, "because it's easier to lay all the blame at my door. Well, I won't let you! You nailed your colors to the mast and I did the only thing I could. You left with your wife, remember? There was never going to be a good time for me to just turn up on your doorstep and wreck your marriage." I couldn't keep the heavy sarcasm out of my voice.

"So if Charlie didn't get sick, I'd never have found out?" he roars, thumping his fist on the steering wheel.

I clutch at the handle again and quick as a flash he's stopping me again. His face is inches from mine and I can feel his breath in my hair.

His scent surrounds me and the memories it evokes causes a traitorous zing of arousal to course through me.

"You do _not_ want to fuck with me, Bella," he warns in a deadly low tone.

And somewhere deep inside I hate myself for my reaction to those words. _Oh but I do!_

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**

**Kat**


	9. Chapter 9

I hate my body's reaction to him, how quickly his scent – his touch, can make me lose my train of thought, but thankfully it doesn't last long. Somehow, I manage to keep a grasp of what's important, and with Jacob in the forefront of my mind, I take a few deep breaths in order to keep a lid on my emotions.

"Don't threaten me, Edward," I say at last, when I'm sure my voice won't shake. "If we could just stop thinking of ourselves for a minute, Jacob is the priority here."

"And that's why I came," he says through gritted teeth. "I want to see him."

His anger has only dissipated slightly. His jaw is still rigid, and judging by the whiteness of his knuckles as he grips the steering wheel, he is only _just _managing to contain his temper.

I just want to get away from him and my own confusing reaction to his presence. I wasn't prepared for this, for him. Even though I've been thinking about little else for the last few days, I'm just simply not prepared to deal with him.

"He starts school here the day after tomorrow," I explain quietly. "I think it's best if we let him get his first couple of days out of the way, and then you can meet him this weekend."

His lips purse. He doesn't like this idea; that much is clear. He shifts a little in his seat, turning so he can face me better. There is not a lot of space between us and I can feel the heat radiating from his body. I will myself not to react to this, and try to hang onto the little shred of composure that I have left.

"Why should I trust you? How can I trust that you'll be here this weekend when you've disappeared with him before? Why should I believe anything you say?" His words are measured and dripping with acid.

"If you want to see Jacob any time soon, you'll have to," I point out.

"How dare you fucking tell me what I will or won't do to see my own child," he retorts acerbically.

The nightmares I've had this week are nothing compared to this. I feel like I've been pulled into some kind of alternate reality. Though I never expected him to be the same, I didn't expect him to be this changed. There is no kindness in his eyes, nothing of the caring, compassionate man I found it so easy to pour my heart out to.

I have no idea what type of car this is, it's certainly unlike any I've ever seen, but it screams status symbol. That was never Edward's style. He used to drive a silver Volvo for God's sake.

His clothes, too, convey his wealth. He is wearing an impeccably cut tailored suit beneath his heavy overcoat and, at a guess, I would imagine his shoes are hand made from Italian leather. He looks like he just stepped off the cover of a fashion magazine.

I wonder why Edward's not more casually dressed, since I'm assuming he drove here from Seattle. This isn't the Edward I knew and loved – that Edward looked more like a rumpled, geeky med student than the cold, elegant businessman that sits across from me.

My eyes reach his face and I cringe a little, realizing that he's been watching my perusal of his attire.

His intense glare makes me feel uncomfortable, and I look away from him towards the house.

If I want to have any chance of making him see sense, I have to hold my nerve. Rising to his bait and screaming at him won't help at all.

"I'm _not_ making threats, Edward," I insist, lowering my voice. "But, I know what's best for Jacob, and you forcing your way in there is definitely not a good idea. We can do this the easy way or _you_ can do it the hard way."

Turning only his head towards, me he regards me for a long moment, looking like he's warring with his own conscience.

"Does he even know about me?" he asks, his voice harsh with the effort of restraint, but there is a fearful edge to it, as if he is afraid I've only spoken about him in a negative light.

"Yes, we've talked about you."

"Fucking hell, Bella," he yells, and I clench my teeth against the urge to shout back at him. "You've _talked _about me? I'm not just some random guy, I'm his fucking father!"

Jamming his fingers into his hair, he squeezes his eyes shut and inhales deeply a few times. I can't help but study his profile while he isn't looking. It's incredible how much he and Jacob look alike. They have the same straight nose that looks small and neat face on, but slightly flat in profile. With his eyes closed, I see the long curve of his thick lashes, another attribute passed on to Jacob.

Jacob's hair is thick and untamable too, but his is darker than Edward's and only carries a slight hint of his deep reddish tones.

Thinking of Jacob brings me straight back to the issues at hand. "You have to calm down, Edward. Did you really think you could just show up here in this mood and demand to see him? Regardless of the situation between you and I, and everything that comes with it, you have to remember, he's a nine-year-old boy. Do you want him to see us at each other's throats?"

Seemingly calmer, he starts to speak again.

"Jasper told me I shouldn't come yet. Believe it or not, it wasn't my intention to approach you today." His eyes swing to mine briefly. "I just wanted to see for myself – to make it real."

"Well the next time you want to spy on someone, you might want to think about doing it in a less conspicuous car."

His bitter laugh irks me. "Believe me Bella, if I intended to spy on you, I wouldn't need to do it in person."

"Why does everything that comes out of your mouth sound like a threat?"

He doesn't respond to this, and though the atmosphere is still tense, it has unmistakably shifted.

"I'm trying to see this from your side, Bella," he says with forced calm. "When Jasper told me that you...that I have a son, it floored me." His eyes open and the intensity in them stuns me. "I know I fucking handled everything all wrong with Irina, and I don't blame you for telling the board the truth about us." He shakes his head as if to rid himself of those memories. "You were young; it was a game to you. But I –"

"A game?!" I shout. "Is _that_ what you think?" I stare at him incredulously. "I was the one left behind when you decided _you'd_ had your fun!" I spit out. "You're not trying to see this from my side at all. You're looking at it from your own side and trying to justify why you and your whole family shifted the blame on to me."

The air surrounding us prickles with electricity as both our tempers flare again.

"I made mistakes," he admits. "Mistakes that I regret now more than ever, but I don't deserve this." His hands ball into fists. "Every time I think of what I've missed, I get so fucking angry, Bella. Did you never think, _just once_, that I might want to be part of his life, that I might want the chance to be his father?"

"You cut me off, Edward, and then you left without a word." I remind him. "What was I supposed to do? As far as I knew, you, Irina and your baby were the perfect little family. I was the one tossed to the side. Nobody in your family would give me the time of day."

"Even if my little girl had lived…" He pauses and sighs harshly. "I would have still wanted to be there for my other child." His eyes burn into mine, and I fully expect him to expand on that, but he doesn't. He simply turns away as if he can't look at me anymore.

"I have a son whom I know nothing about. I don't know what he likes to do, what his favorite food is, what he looks like. I have no idea when his birthday is. Christ, I don't know what I was doing the moment I became a father." He looks at me accusingly. "Think of all the things you've enjoyed with him, Bella, and that's what you've robbed me of."

The anger in his expression begins to morph into sadness, as if he is mentally listing all the things he has missed out on, and this coupled with the way he said _"my little girl"_ breaks my heart. I find myself truly empathizing with him. However, I can't let myself linger on it, because, at this moment, he is still the man who is could take _my_ child away from me.

"I just don't understand why you wouldn't tell me. I mean, even if it had taken a year, you could've let me know."

"I wanted more for Jacob."

"I could've given him _the best_ start in life."

And with those words, my blood boils – how dare he think he could have done a better job than I did.

"I'm not talking about material possessions, Edward!" I yell. "I wanted more for him than just being your _other child_. After the way you and your family treated me, I couldn't trust you to treat Jacob any better."

"So you thought you'd just deprive him of having a father?" he snorts.

I groan in frustration. "Now you're oversimplifying it. Just remember that back then, options were thin on the ground for me, Edward."

"This is not about you! This is about what you've deprived us of–"

"You're right, it's not about me and it's not about you either. This is about Jacob, and how all this will affect him," I say, cutting him off. "He's a young boy. I know you have all this money and power, but do you really want to drag us through the courts and take him away from everything he knows and understands? What kind of relationship do you expect to have with him then?"

Frowning, he turns away from me and stares out the windshield. His jaw clenches tightly, and he appears to be ruminating over what I just asked him.

He doesn't answer the question. Instead, he turns and looks at me with blazing eyes.

"Go!" he orders.

I blink at him in confusion.

"I'm all over the place," he says through gritted teeth. "I'm too... you should go," he mutters, not looking at me. "But I'll be coming back. It's clear we need to talk this through before I see him."

My hand slides over the smooth curves of the soft, leather seat and up to the door handle. His eyes follow its path and then lift to my face.

"It can't be tomorrow," I tell him as I open the door and place one foot outside. "I'm taking Charlie to the hospital."

His eyes narrow, and I get the impression he's trying to decide if I'm telling the truth.

"I'll meet you on Thursday." I rush out, not wanting to stay any longer and risk becoming entangled in another argument. "Jacob will be in school."

"I'll pick you up here at ten a.m." he barks as the engine roars to life.

I get out of the car and slam the door. The window slides down immediately and he leans over the seat I just vacated and looks up at me.

"I'm warning you now, Bella. If you do anything to try to stop me from seeing him, I _will_ fight you." He pauses, before adding, "Through the courts if I have to."

He speeds away and I feel like I could collapse onto the concrete beneath me.

Charlie wrenches the door open as soon as I step into the yard.

"It's okay," I reassure him as I move past him into the house, looking around. "Is Jacob still in the bath?" Charlie nods, so I continue. "He's agreed to wait till the weekend to meet him."

Smelling the fish on my clothes again, I take my jacket off and then remove my over-shirt, intending to take them straight to the washing machine.

"What the hell is that?" Charlie shouts, grabbing my arm.

I glance down, and my eyes widen when I see the purpling fingertip-shaped bruises forming below my t-shirt sleeve.

"That son of a bitch!" Charlie shouts angrily. "What did he do to you?"

"Dad, it's not as bad as it looks. You know how easily I bruise."

He stares at me incredulously. "Bella, please tell me you are not defending him."

"No, I'm not, I'm just ... he grabbed my arm in the heat of the moment, that's all it was," I insist, lowering my voice and shooting Charlie a warning glance to make him do likewise.

"If he lays one finger on you again, I'll have him down at the station so fast he won't know what's hit him!" Charlie warns, whispering harshly.

"I won't allow anything like that to happen again, believe me."

I head into the front room, closely followed by Charlie who closes the door behind us

"So what did he say? Did he threaten you? If he comes here I'll –"

"Dad!" I scold.

His mouth snaps shut.

I hadn't intended on telling him that I agreed to meet with Edward on Thursday, but considering his agitated state I reconsider.

"He's not going to come charging in here and steal Jacob away. I'm meeting him on Thursday, to talk."

His sigh is filled with exasperation. Rubbing the back of his neck he sits down heavily. His eyes are heavy and his face drawn, I can virtually see the energy draining out of him. He rubs a shaky hand over his abdomen.

"Did you take your pills?" I ask, moving closer.

"Never mind that, we need to talk about this." He scowls at me.

"No, you need to go to bed, Dad, you look exhausted."

He tries to argue with me but I kneel down in front of him. "Dad, you need to start thinking about yourself. I'll handle this. You just get some rest for tomorrow."

He grumbles about the stent fitting, but eventually I get him to reluctantly agree to go lie down.

He hugs me close before he heads upstairs and assures me that I'm not alone. I hear him, and even though I know he's right – I_ feel_ alone.

Jacob comes downstairs still excitedly recounting the fishing trip. I listen to him for a few minutes, then let him watch some TV while I go take a shower. I shake my head ruefully when I enter the bathroom to find Jacobs clothes strewn all over the floor and a wet towel draped over the sink. Normally, I would call him up here to clean up the mess, but I just don't have the energy for it.

After my shower I dress in sweats and a T-shirt and decide to order pizza for Jacob and me. It's highly doubtful that Charlie will resurface tonight, so I won't have to cook for him. I snuggle onto the sofa beside Jacob, and for once he doesn't complain when I drape my arm across his shoulder.

I press my lips to his temple as he leans into me. "Did you have a good day, sweetie?" I murmur.

He nods, a little distracted by the cartoon he's watching. "Yeah, it was cool."

I smile. "Do you want pizza for dinner?"

His nod is more emphatic this time. I lean across him and grab the phone from the end table and then place the order.

We are just getting comfortable again when the phone rings and Jacob stiffens beside me, surprising me. I look at him curiously as I answer the call. He relaxes again when I tell him it's Nana, and a broad smile stretches across his face.

I hand him the phone immediately, listening as he chatters on excitedly about his day. His exuberance wanes when he starts to answer her questions, and I quickly realize she's asking him about school.

There is no enthusiasm in his voice while he talks, and I think about his reaction when the phone rang. I suspect he might have thought it was Edward, and now that he knows I've spoken to him, I wonder if he was afraid it might be his father on the line.

He is still on the phone when the pizza arrives and I call him, telling him to tell Renee I'll call her later.

"Can we eat it straight from the box in front of the TV, Mom?" he asks, giving me his best pleading look.

I smile and ruffle his hair. "Sure sweetie, let me just grab some napkins."

Jacob carries the pizza, while I bring the napkins and milk. He digs into the pizza, his eyes never leaving the TV screen and I watch him, gauging his mood. I wanted to wait till after his first day at school before telling him he'll be meeting Edward this weekend, but after witnessing his reaction to the phone ringing, I now know I can't leave anything to chance.

"Sweetie?" I begin, trying to catch his attention.

"Uh huh," he answers absentmindedly, still engrossed in the TV.

Using the remote I switch it off, and his head snaps towards me. "Why'd you do that?" he complains.

"I need to talk to you."

He regards me for a moment. His mouth closes and he swallows. "Is this about my dad?"

I nod. "Yes."

I move closer to him, but this time he doesn't lean into me. He moves his head back and his eyes roam over my face, searching for clues as to what I'm going to tell him.

"I talked to him today." I tell him.

His eyes pop wide like saucers. "Where is he? What did he say? Is he com–"

"Whoa, slow down!" I exclaim. "I know you're anxious, sweetie. But calm down, okay?" I fix my eyes on his, and he nods slowly. When I think he's calmed down sufficiently, I start again.

"I talked to him today and he can't wait to meet you," I begin, forcing a small smile to reassure him. "But I've asked him to wait till the weekend."

"Why?" he asks, frowning.

"Well, tomorrow, we need to take Grandpa to the hospital, and then you have school on Thursday and Friday."

He ponders this for a moment. His little face scrunches up a few times as he mulls it over, I can tell he's caught between wanting to see Edward and being afraid to meet him. Pulling his hand into my lap, I turn it over and rub my thumb across his palm, remembering how he used to love that when he was a toddler. It always calmed him and helped him get to sleep.

He hasn't let me do it for a long time.

"What are you thinking, sweetie?" I probe.

He watches my thumb circling his palm. "Was he angry?"

"A little, but only with this situation, not with you," I assure him. "And that's okay. It's natural that he'll be unhappy at missing out on getting to know you till now."

His eyes flick to my face. "I don't want him to be angry with you, Mom."

I pull him closer. "Jacob, don't worry about me. I know he's going to love _you_. Do you know how I know that?" I ask, tilting his chin up to make him look at me. "Because, you are a wonderful boy and I'm so proud of you." I swallow thickly. "And I know he will be too. Once you two get to know each other, everything will be alright."

"When will I see him?" Apprehension is etched on his face.

"This weekend, and I'll be there with you. We'll do it together, okay?"

"Okay," he agrees. Just as his anxiety seems to be passing, his expression falls again. "Mom?"

"What is it, sweetie?" I ask, and he blanches a little.

His face reddens. "Could you...um... stop calling me sweetie?" He frowns at me and shrugs, looking a little hesitant. "I think I'm a little old for it now."

"Oh!" I say, surprised, though I'm also aware that this has been brought about by his desire to be taken seriously by Edward. I decide it might be best to make light of it. "I guess I'll have to get used to calling you just plain old Jacob."

We both laugh at that and it breaks the tension.

* * *

Charlie is as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs, as we sit in the waiting room. He has sighed a million times and his knees are bouncing furiously.

"Why do they have to keep us waiting so long?" he grumbles.

"We've been here less than twenty minutes," I point out, and he clicks his tongue at me in annoyance.

"I can't handle this!" he announces, getting to his feet.

I stand up quickly and touch his arm. "It'll be alright," I assure him. "They'll come for you soon, and you'll be back home before you know it. You need to get this done."

Frowning at me, he shakes his head and his shoulders sag. "God, I'm acting like a big kid, aren't I?"

I glance at Jacob, who is sitting quietly in the corner playing his Nintendo.

"Just a little bit," I agree, smiling.

He's half way back to his seat when the door swings open, and a nurse carrying a clipboard sweeps into the room. She calls Charlie's name and he glances at me with resignation before walking towards her.

I ask the nurse what time to come back for him and she instructs me to call after two p.m. so they can give me a definite time. I watch as Charlie trudges behind her like the proverbial condemned man.

Jacob and I go home, and he plays out in the backyard while I bury myself in housework. While I'm laying the table for lunch there's a knock at the door. Since I'm not expecting anyone, my heart begins to beat faster as I hurry to it, praying that it's not Edward going back on his word.

"Oh! Thank God it's you!"

"Wow!" Mike laughs. "Nice welcome."

I almost sag against the wall in relief. "I thought it might be Edward."

"Yeah, I suspected he was back."

"How so?" I ask, leading him into the kitchen.

"Well, you did say the other day he was on his way, and... correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't know anyone in Forks who drives an Aston Martin Vanquish."

"So _that's_ what it was."

"You've seen him?" He sounds surprised.

"Briefly," I say, pulling the pan out from under the grill and inspecting the bubbling cheese.

"So, you gonna tell me about it, or do you want me to beg?"

I laugh. "No, no begging," I insist, as I lay the sandwiches on the plates. "But we can't talk now. I need to call Jacob in for lunch." I hand him two plates, and he stares down at them in bemusement. "You're staying, right?"

He shrugs. "Sure."

Jacob comes in and eyes Mike warily, while I put more bread and cheese under the grill.

"Hey, Jacob," Mike says, biting a huge chunk out of his grilled cheese.

"Hi," Jacob says quietly, sitting down opposite him.

Mike stares at Jacob for a moment, and apparently picking up on his mood, he dials down his cheerfulness a little. "You okay with us picking you up for school tomorrow?" he asks, glancing at me.

Jacob shrugs. "I guess."

"Jacob!" I scold. "Don't be rude."

"It's okay," Mike insists, waving away my protest. He turns back to Jacob. "I moved to Forks when I was a little bit younger than you," he begins, shooting me a quick grimace as if he's unsure if Jacob will relate to his words. "I'd already started school in Port Angeles, so I wasn't too happy when Mom told me I had to switch."

Jacob looks at me accusingly. "Yeah, I'm not too happy either."

Mike stifles a grin and rubs his chin. "But you know what? It wasn't so bad. I made a lot of great friends at Forks Elementary. Some of them are still my friends today."

"But I'm not going to be here forever."

Mike mulls this over. "Maybe so, but these days you can keep in touch easy enough with emails and Facebook..."

"I'm not allowed Facebook." He furnishes me with another accusing glance.

"Amy and Louise don't have it either," Mike admits. "I meant when you're a bit older, of course."

Jacob lifts his sandwich and takes a bite.

"Aren't you getting bored, not being at school?" Mike asks.

Jacob rolls his eyes, but before I can tell him off Mike chuckles.

"Yeah, that was a pretty dumb question wasn't it?"

Jacob smiles then, but I raise my eyebrows at him in warning, stopping him in his tracks before he says something rude.

After lunch, I walk Mike out onto the porch while Jacob clears the table. Closing the door behind me I walk to the fence and lean on it. Mike does likewise.

"I'm sorry if Jacob seemed a bit rude, he's–"

"He wasn't being rude," he assures me. "He was being nine... and besides, he's dealing with a lot right now." I nod in agreement. "Speaking of which," he continues. "How did it go with Cullen?"

Pushing away from the fence, I turn to face him. "He was raging, like you'd expect. But he's agreed to meet me tomorrow after we drop Jacob at school."

"And you've told Jacob?"

"No. I mean, I've told him Edward is here and he'll be seeing him on the weekend, but I haven't told him I'm meeting Edward tomorrow."

He rubs his hands down his face before shaking his head. "Bella," he sighs. "I wish there was something I could do. You're dealing with so much right now–"

"Mike, you're doing so much for me just by supporting us. You can see this from both sides, more than anyone else can and yet you're still here supporting me." I lay my hand on his arm. "I'm so glad you're here for me Mike, it really means the world to me and you're helping me more than you know."

He covers my hand with his, looking slightly embarrassed by my words.

"Even though I've got all this stuff going on, I'm here for you too. If you need me to take the girls for you, or if you just want a bit of adult company, you can count on me." I tell him, wanting him to know that this is a two-way street.

He thanks me with a smile, and then leaves after reminding me what time he'll be picking us up tomorrow.

I collect a very groggy Charlie from the hospital late in the afternoon. The discharge nurse tells me his procedure went well, but he is still tired and a little out of sorts from the after effects of the anesthetic. He falls asleep in the passenger street before I drive the car out of the hospital parking lot.

Once he's in bed, I take his pills up to him. He pats the edge of the bed beside him, and when I sit down he rambles a bit about wanting to come with me to meet Edward. Judging by how exhausted he looks now, it seems to me like he'll be in no fit state to endure what's sure to be a highly emotional confrontation between Edward and I. His lack of energy earns me a reprieve though, as he drifts to sleep in the middle of our conversation.

I spend the rest of the evening checking on him and getting Jacob prepared for school, thankful that I don't have the time to brood over what will happen tomorrow.

Eventually though, when the house is quiet and both Charlie and Jacob are sleeping, I start to think about Edward and who he is now. However, thanks to Charlie being stuck in the dark ages, there's no internet access here, so I can't even Google him, like Mike suggested.

* * *

Jacob's face is a picture. He's scowling like a petulant two year old and all that's missing is the pouty bottom lip. Even the presence of Sue and Leah isn't enough to brighten his mood.

Sue has come to visit with Charlie while I'm out today, and Leah tells me she simply wanted to offer some moral support to Jacob.

"You'll enjoy it once you're there," Leah assures him.

Jacob shakes his head. "I don't want to go to that stupid school," he grouses. "I wish I was back at _my_ school."

"Jacob, we talked about this. You've already missed a couple of weeks of school, you can't miss any more or you'll fall behind. Just give it a chance, you won't enjoy it if you go in with this attitude."

"I'll wait out on the porch." He huffs, before storming out.

I let him go without correcting his behavior, before turning to Leah with a grimace. "It's best to just let him cool off when he gets like this."

She nods and smiles. "I bet he'll love it."

"I hope you're right."

"Listen, how about we take a drive to Port Angeles when you get back. We could hit the shops and go for lunch. It'll save you moping around here worrying about him."

It never fails to surprise me how thoughtful Leah is. Already, it's hard to imagine that I've known her for such a short time. She's so giving and positive all the time, and I really wish that I didn't have to see Edward today and could take her up on her offer.

"I'd love to do that, but I can't," I lament. "I've arranged to see Edward today to work out the details for this weekend."

"Charlie told me he saw you the other day," Sue says. "Do you think it's wise to go on your own? Maybe Leah could go with you?"

"No – I appreciate the offer, but I have to do this alone." I look at them both regretfully. "I don't mean to be rude, you two have done so much for me already, but this is really very difficult for me. There's things we need to discuss that..." I pull my hair back from my face and sigh. "It's just..."

Placing her hand on my shoulder, Leah stops me. "It's okay, I get it. But be careful, if he steps out of line once, walk away. Don't put up with any bullshit."

"I don't intend to," I agree, grimly.

Hearing Mike's voice outside, I open the door to find him saying the exact same thing to Jacob that Leah and I told him. Jacob looks about fit to burst with frustration, however, he relaxes a little bit when Mike suggests that he should ride in the front of the car with him while I sit in the back with the girls.

There's a round of goodbyes and good lucks and we make our way out to Mike's car. Louise beams at Jacob but then frowns when he gets into the front and I slide into the rear seat beside her.

When we arrive at the school Jacob tries to talk me into staying in the car. I have to explain to him that I need to take him to the office since it's his first day. He lags a mile behind me as we make our way across the school yard, and by the time we reach the office he has that thunderous expression on his face again.

Loathe to leave him, I try to plant a kiss on his head, but he dodges it and I have no choice but to go with a simple good luck. Mike is waiting in the car, and I choke back a sob as I get in.

"He'll be fine!" Mike says, concerned by my outburst but also looking a little amused by it.

"I know." I sniff. "I just hate that he's having to go through all this."

"Are you regretting coming back now?" Mike asks, gently.

"In a way," I admit. "But I have to cling on to the hope that in the end this will be good for him. You should have seen him and Charlie together the other day, they really had fun together. I want him to cherish those memories..." I stall a little. "And, deep down, I know he really wants to build a relationship with Edward."

"I guess you'll have a better idea if that's possible after today." He looks at the clock on his dash. "You sure you want to do this? We could just grab the kids and do a Thelma and Louise?" He grins broadly. "But I'm only doing it if I get to be the one who wears the headscarf."

Swatting his arm, I laugh at his lame attempt at humor. "Just drive, Thelma!"

Despite it barely being nine thirty, Edward's car is already parked in the street when we arrive. Mike throws me a worried look. "I know it's none of my business, Bella, but I don't like this. Where are you going to talk? Maybe you should take him inside, that way you are on your own turf."

"I can't. Charlie had a bad night. If I take Edward in there, he'll come down and get involved and I really don't think he's fit for that. We'll probably just go to the diner or something."

"What? You're going to talk about all this personal stuff in the middle of the diner?" His skepticism doesn't surprise me. I feel the same way. Nonetheless, I'd rather do it in the diner than go somewhere private with Edward.

"I'll call you later, okay?"

With a tight smile he nods at me as I get out of the car. At first, he doesn't make any moves to pull away, but then eventually he honks his horn and drives off. I cross the street to where Edward is waiting.

He starts the engine before I reach the car, and for some reason this irritates me. I open the door, but I don't get in right away.

I lean down and look in at him. "Have you calmed down yet?" I ask, "Because I'm not coming with you for a repeat performance of the other day."

He stares at me for what feels like an eternity. "I'm perfectly calm," he says, but given everything, I remain unconvinced.

"And there'll be no more threats?"

"I have no reason to threaten anything, so long as you let me be a part of his life." He throws back at me. "I'm not here just to see him once and walk away."

I knew that already. "Jacob wants to meet you. So I'm doing this for him, but he's only nine, Edward. He does _not_ need to see you in the mood you were in on Tuesday. You have to understand that. Our feelings have to be kept out of this."

"I'm calm," he insists, his voice is low and his words are slow and measured as he speaks. "I just want to hear about him before I meet him. I'm sorry, I lost control the other day. It won't happen again."

I ponder this while he waits, never taking his eyes off my face.

"I mean it, Bella. I'm serious about wanting to be a part of his life, and I won't do anything to jeopardize that."

Finally, I concede and get into the car.

"I want to go somewhere public," I tell him as he pulls away from the curb. "I think the diner should do."

His eyebrows rise but he stays focused on the road ahead. "I was intending to go somewhere a little more private, but if that's what you want, fine. I'll buy you breakfast," he says.

"I can buy my own breakfast."

"Whatever." He sighs.

We drive in silence for a while before he speaks again. "I take it that was Newton you were with?"

Obviously he's discussed my run in with Alice in some detail. I glance at him warily. "Yes. We just dropped Jacob and his girls off at school, not that I owe you any explanations."

He arches an eyebrow at me. "Forgive me for being a little jealous that Mike Newton gets to take my son to his first day at school and I don't." Then he adds quickly, "How was he?"

"Nervous and pissed off at having to start a new school," I admit. "But he'll be fine when he settles in."

Edward seems tense but says nothing else for the remainder of our, thankfully short, journey.

The diner is empty, save for two old men sipping coffee in the window seats. The woman behind the counter glances up when we enter. I don't recognize her and no recognition registers in her expression as she asks us if we want coffee.

Edward says yes at the same time I nod, and she lifts two cups, then the coffee pot and comes towards us. Pouring the coffee with a smile, she points to the menu board above the counter asking us what we'd like.

"Do you want to order food?" Edward asks, not even looking at the menu.

"I'm not hungry, the coffee will do."

"Just the coffee. Thank you," Edward tells the waitress, with a smile.

She grins back at him, before retreating to the counter. Sipping my coffee, I watch while Edward regards her over his shoulder, apparently waiting till she's out of earshot.

"You know, I'd much rather do this somewhere a little more private," he says turning back to me.

"Here is fine," I insist.

I deliberately wore a sleeveless top today, so on removing my jacket, he spots the bruises he made on my arm, instantly.

"Jesus!" he exclaims, studying the small bruises. He looks up at me and his eyes are filled with genuine remorse. "Fuck! I didn't mean to." He exhales sharply and sits back in the chair, his eyes darting back to my arm. "I guess now I see why you don't want to be alone with me. I knew I gripped you too tightly, but I honestly didn't mean to hurt you. I'm truly sorry."

"I get that you were angry, but, don't ever touch me again," I warn.

The words hang in the air between us and his eyes darken a little before he promises. "I won't, you have my word on that."

"You can't lose your temper like that in front of Jacob. I won't let you near him again if you do, and then you'll have no chance of building a relationship with him."

"I want to make this as easy on Jacob as I can." He leans forward again. "I don't want to turn this into a tug of war. I'll keep my word as long as you give me yours."

"My word on what?"

"That you won't shut me out of his life anymore."

The temptation to remind him that he shut me out of his is strong, but today is about Jacob so I give him my word.

"As long as Jacob wants you in his life, I won't stand in the way of that."

We sit in silence, suddenly lost for words. It feels like we are at an impasse, each wondering if we should trust the other. Finally, he visibly relaxes. For now, it seems, we are going to try to do this the easier way.

"Do you have a photograph of him?"

"I only have one in my purse," I say, rifling through it. "I didn't bring any from home."

I hand the photo to him. It was taken at one of Phil's games, and he's wearing an oversized baseball shirt and grinning broadly while brandishing a bat.

Edward studies it for a long time without saying anything. I drink my coffee, wondering what's going through his mind.

He looks up from the photograph and his voice is thick when he speaks. "He's a good looking boy."

He makes no comment on the fact that Jacob looks a lot like him, but then maybe he wouldn't see it as clearly as the rest of us do.

"So he likes baseball?" he asks, with a hint of a smile.

"My mom's husband plays, Jacob likes going to watch him."

"Does he play himself?" he enquires, eagerly.

"He tries, but he's not the most coordinated child."

His attention goes back to the photo. Staring at it, a soft smile plays on his lips, and when he looks up his eyes look moist. "Can I keep this?"

"Yes."

It's not the easiest conversation I've ever had. In fact, it's bizarre almost to the point of being surreal. I never thought it would be like this. I was expecting more bitterness and recrimination. We manage to keep it civil and I start to think that maybe, just maybe, we can do this for Jacob's sake.

"So, will I come to the house on Saturday?" he asks, tucking the photograph into his pocket.

Thinking of Charlie, I shake my head. I don't want there to be any tension between anyone the first time Jacob and Edward meet.

"I was thinking we could meet you somewhere – somewhere neutral," I elaborate.

"Okay," he agrees. "Where?"

"I promised him I'd take him to Adventureland. Maybe we should go there, at least there will be some distractions for him and it might not be too intense."

"If you think that's best, then it's fine with me. Shall we say twelve?" He reaches into his pocket and hands me a card. "This is my number if you need to contact me before then."

"Twelve will be fine." I say, refusing the card. It strikes me that our conversation has become very sterile.

He slides the card across the table towards me anyway. "Take it. Just in case something comes up."

Lifting the card, I thrust it into my bag without looking at it. "I have to get back," I say, standing up.

He takes his wallet out and drops some bills on the table, shooting me a look of irritation when I reach into my purse for money. "It's only a cup of coffee."

He shuts the engine off when we reach my house. "You know we're going to have to talk about it sometime," he says, turning to face me.

"About what?"

"The past."

It annoys me that he thinks it's okay to talk about our past now, especially given his own reluctance to discuss it on Tuesday.

"You said the other day you didn't give a fuck about that?" I remind him.

His tone hardens a little. "That was said in the heat of the moment."

It's like a dam has burst, my resentment pours out of me and I'm ready to challenge him. "Okay then. You want to talk? Let's talk about how you lied to me about everything. How you were fucking your wife and your dirty little secret at the same time. How you weren't man enough to tell me you didn't want me. How you left without a word. Shall I go on?"

"I never lied to you." He insists, with obvious restraint.

"So how did Irina get pregnant when you said you weren't sleeping with her anymore?"

Leaning his head back, he rubs his chin before pinching his lower lip between his thumb and forefinger. I stare at him, waiting for his response. He closes his eyes.

"She didn't tell me as soon as she found out; she kept it to herself for a couple of months. I only found out when I told her about us."

I find it hard to believe this.

"Wait, so you expect me to believe that you didn't know," I accuse. "You _must_ have known; you're a doctor for Christ's sake."

He laughs cynically. "_Was_ a doctor."

There's a loaded pause before he continues. "She was keeping it a secret from me. Apparently, she wanted to surprise me for our wedding anniversary." His voice grows harsher, the more he reveals. "I didn't know, Bella, because I wasn't seeing what was right in front of me. All I could think about then was you."

The bitterness in his voice seems to be directed at himself, and I start to think that he might be telling the truth.

"Do you remember the night of Tanya's wedding?" he asks, and I can tell by the malevolent glint in his eye that he remembers it all too clearly. "That's the night I got Irina pregnant." He continues, bitterly. "It was the first time I'd touched her in months, and it was the last time I ever did." he emphasizes.

Memories from that night come back to me and I can still feel the guilt I felt back then. Alice had taken me as her guest to Irina's sister's wedding – which was about a month before Edward and I slept together the first time.

I can't bear to think about it now that he's told me it was the night he got Irina pregnant, because it makes what we did to her so much worse.

The sound of him shifting in his seat snaps me out of my reverie. I turn to find him watching me intently.

"There's so many things I should have done differently," he admits, coldly. "In trying not to hurt anyone, I ended up hurting everyone. Like you told Alice, I was weak and pathetic." He stares deep into my eyes. "But not anymore."

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**

**Kat**


	10. Chapter 10

Sitting in my car, which is in the middle of a long line of cars parked outside the school, I anxiously wait for Jacob to come through the gates, hoping desperately that he'll be smiling. Today has been so difficult, I just don't know if I can handle it if Jacob has had a shitty day too.

Since leaving Edward earlier, it's been a struggle not to get bogged down by memories of the past. His revelation about Tanya's wedding has brought back feelings I've kept buried for so long. He says we need to talk about the past, but all that's there is pain and misery, and I can't see what good will come of dragging it all out into the light again.

In my head, I've gone over his parting words again and again _–"There's so many things I should have done differently."–_ Each time bringing different connotations. Where do his regrets lie? Does he regret the way he handled things, or does he simply regret being with me?

Despite everything that followed, the brief time Edward and I had together still remains the happiest time of my life –outside of my life with Jacob. A fact I've never admitted to myself until now. Seeing Edward again has reminded me just how hard I had to fight to get over him, only now I'm not sure I ever did.

It's been a very long time since I've allowed myself to dwell on these memories. I can't even allow myself to fully dwell on them today, but they keep pushing through anyway, images from that night coming through in gloriously full Technicolor. I've relived the memory of our first kiss more than once today, the ecstasy and relief I briefly felt that night are as vivid today as they were in the moment it happened.

Jacob is my number one priority, though, and I can't take the risk of becoming absorbed in my own feelings and forgetting how they might impact on him. I have to stay strong and keep my emotions in check.

"_But not anymore." _Thankfully, with those three words, he reminded me that the man I loved simply does not exist anymore.

A car door slamming jolts me from my reverie, and I turn my head instinctively to see a woman with flame-red hair crossing the street to join the group of people loitering at the gates.

Most of the other mothers, and a few fathers, have already exited their cars and converged beside the gates, they greet the redhead with smiles when she reaches them. There are a few faces in the banks of people milling around that seem familiar, but even when I lived in Forks, I never took the time to get to know anyone sufficiently to simply walk up to them and start making small talk.

Renee always accused me of being strange because I preferred to stand alone at the school gates, rather than amidst the other mothers who stood around gossiping and clucking like hens.

This is another reason for my anxiety; despite never having taken part in gossip mongering myself, I'm more than aware of how it works. Most of the taunts kids fling around in school come directly from things they've overheard their parents say.

Since Jacob's last name is Swan, it won't take long for people to work out he's Charlie's grandson, and then the gossip trail will lead directly to Edward and me. If I could've home schooled him for these few months I would have, but as it stands, all I can do is hope that we can somehow fly under the gossip radar.

The appearance of some children filtering through the gates interrupts my train of thought, and I get out of the car to make it easier for Jacob to spot me.

As I'm exiting the car, I accidentally lean on the horn, cringing at the blaring sound, and a few heads swivel to look. I recognize the redhead now, Victoria, I'm positive her first name is Victoria, though her last name escapes me. She was in the year below me at Forks High. I stare back at her while her eyes narrow slightly as if she's trying to place me. Perversely, it amuses me when they widen and I can tell the penny has dropped. She turns away, and I catch the tell-tale sign of her lips moving, before three of her companions turn to look at me with mildly curious glances. It seems that Victoria remembers me, while the others probably don't. And so it begins.

Jacob rounds the corner a few moments later, and pushing my worries aside, I rush to greet him. He doesn't break into a run, but he speeds up when he spots me.

"Well, how was it?' I ask eagerly, when he reaches me.

He shrugs nonchalantly, but there is a small smile on his face. "It was okay.'

"What were the teachers like? Did you make any new friends?'

That little smile of his conveys more than words will, but I bombard him with questions anyway, relieved that his first day seems to have gone well.

Pulling open the back door of the car, he throws his bag and his lunch box on to the rear seat before getting into the front. While I'm rounding the car, I sneak a glance at the gates, and sure enough Victoria and her little group are still watching us.

I get in beside Jacob and turn to him. "So, do I get _any_ details?'

"They set me up with a buddy to show me around. His name's Andy, he's pretty cool," he says, with the tiny hint of a smile curving his lips.

"That's great," I enthuse.

This spurs him on and he talks all the way home about how easy the work was, how cool the playground is and his new friend Andy. For the first time today, I start to relax.

When I had arrived home earlier, Charlie had been waiting for me downstairs, and we talked. Though he's still anxious about the situation, he accepted my reassurances that I'm not taking anything for granted. I'm more than aware that this is only the beginning of a very difficult journey. We argued over my decision to take Jacob to Adventureland to meet Edward on Saturday. Charlie thinks I should arrange for him come here, but I know things will get too ugly if I let that happen. In the end we had to agree to disagree, but he has made it more than clear he is unhappy with the situation.

Charlie is still on the sofa when Jacob and I arrive home. Jacob rushes to him to tell him he had a good day, while Charlie beams at him proudly. Jacob's one complaint is that he has homework, but he cheers up instantly when Charlie offers to help him. Deciding to leave them to it, I head to the kitchen to start dinner. I called earlier and invited Sue, Seth and Leah to join us, so I set about cooking for more people than I've ever cooked for in my life.

We rarely use the big table that sits in the corner of the living room, it's too big for two – hell, it's too big for three. God knows why my parents bought it. Charlie mostly uses it for sitting his guns on when he's cleaning them.

When our guests arrive, Jacob is as high as a kite. He happily helps Seth set the table, a task he often grumbles about at home, while Leah helps me in the kitchen. Sue and Charlie sit out on the porch talking, and I'm glad to be released from the disapproving glances he keeps shooting my way. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even realise he's doing it, but they are fraying my nerves just the same.

After the stress of the last couple days, it almost feels like there is a party atmosphere in the house. The sound of chattering voices and laughter fills the air, and it's music to my ears.

With dinner served, I sit at the table, surveying the scene before me. Charlie and Sue chat quietly at the opposite end of the table from me, while Jacob is holding court with Leah and Seth, his voice growing loud with enthusiasm as he describes his first day at school, and tells them all about our fishing trip. He gesticulates wildly while he talks, and more than once I have to remind him to be careful not to knock his glass of milk over.

Busy mealtimes like this aren't something I've been given the opportunity to experience often. I enjoyed it a handful of times with the Cullens, but never since leaving Forks. Mostly, it's been Jacob and I on our own. Even at Christmas and Thanksgiving, the most company we've ever had has been Renee and Phil, although even they have been gone for some of those holidays.

Looking around the table, I realise just how shut off I've been for the past ten years. Caught unaware by my emotions, a dull ache weighs on my heart when I begin to wonder what life might have been like for Jacob and me, had things turned out differently – If I'd let someone in to share our lives with us.

Brushing those thoughts aside, I take in the way Jacob's eyes are shining with pure, unadulterated pleasure. Clearly, he's enjoying the attention. My eyes roam to Charlie, and I'm pleased to see him looking relaxed and happy as he smiles gently while Sue talks. I decide it's better to enjoy these moments rather than worrying over things we might, or might not have missed.

Midway through the meal there is a heavy knock on the door. Charlie goes to see who it is, and moments later I stand up to greet the tall, dark-haired man he brings into the room with him.

"Oh! You're eating," the man says apologetically, looking embarrassed as he glances around the table. He turns to Charlie. "I'm sorry, I should've called first. I just stopped by to see how you're doing."

Charlie claps him on the back. "Don't worry about it. Join us?" He glances at me. "There's some left, Bells, right?"

I move around the table towards them. "Yes, I'll go get you a plate." I stop in front of him and offer him my hand, which he shakes firmly. "I'm Bella, by the way." I smile.

"Sorry!" Charlie sputters. "Sam, this is my girl Bella, and that bundle of trouble over there is my grandson, Jacob." Sam looks around the room, while Charlie completes the introduction and I note that he seems to already know the Clearwaters. "Bella, this is Sam Uley. He's the new Chief."

Sam turns back to us then. "You're still the Chief, Charlie, I'm just standing in," he says solemnly.

As I prepare a plate of food for Sam, I watch as he sits down, smiling shyly at Leah. He is strikingly handsome with smooth dark skin, silky black hair, and a blindingly bright smile.

Everybody is chatting again when I come back to the table, and two things strike me instantly: Leah and Sam are definitely making googly eyes at each other, and Jacob's nose is definitely out of joint.

Just as we are finishing the meal, I notice that Charlie is starting to wilt. Though he's making a grand show of enjoying himself, his heavy eyelids are giving him away. He and Sam sit on the sofa talking about work for a bit, while the rest of us clear up.

"It's been really nice having you all over," I say to Leah and Sue, while putting the last of the dishes away. "We've enjoyed it."

Jacob's squeals of delight filter in from outside, making me smile. Looking through the window, I see Seth twirling him on the tire swing, and I'm relieved that Jacob seems to be in better spirits. He went a bit quiet during dinner when he was watching Sam and Leah chatting. In fact, his eyes almost blazed bright green for a moment.

At that thought, the image of Edward's green eyes pops into my head. I close my eyes and quickly realize it's futile, because the image is in my _mind's_ eye. Thankfully, Sue responds and I focus on her instead.

"Thank you for having us," she says, smiling. "But I think Charlie is getting a bit tired, so I'll just take some coffee in and _suggest_ to Sam that maybe he's heard enough about work for one day."

She leaves the room, and I seize the opportunity to grill Leah.

"So, you and Sam, huh?" I grin, waggling my eyebrows at her.

The deep blush that blooms on her cheeks both surprises and delights me. I'd never have thought she was even capable of blushing. She's normally so tough and matter of fact about everything.

"Shh!" She hisses, flicking the dish cloth at me with a good-natured smile. "We've only been on one date. I don't want to make a big deal out of it yet." Despite her mild annoyance, her eyes are sparkling with pleasure when she speaks.

"But is it a big deal?"

She giggles like a school girl, but then stops herself, cursing. "For fuck's sake, I'm twenty-five years old and he makes me feel like a teenager again." She beams at me.

"Did he know you would be here tonight?" I ask the most obvious question.

"No, I haven't spoken to him today. It was a coincidence."

"A happy coincidence, judging by the way you too were behaving," I point out, grinning at her.

Her smile fades. "Really? Were we being obvious?"

Chuckling, I tell her how even Jacob noticed. She looks worried though, which confuses me but before I can ask she lowers her voice even further and explains.

"I've known Sam for years. He used to go out with my cousin Emily. I just don't want the whole family to get wind of this till I know where it's going."

"But if he and Emily aren't together anymore, what's the problem?"

She frowns a little. "It's not really a major deal. He dumped her six months ago and she's still a little bitter about it. If this is going anywhere, I'd rather tell her myself than have her hear it from someone else."

"Do you think it will go somewhere?"

A slow, knowing grin spreads across her face. "He's wonderful; we talked for hours on the phone the other night. And he's so cute!"

"Cute?" I say, a little too loud apparently, because it earns me another flick of the dish cloth. "He's gorgeous." I elaborate, lowering my voice conspiratorially.

She seems to drift off into dreamland for a moment or two before snapping herself out of it and focusing on me. "Oh God, here I am going on about this when I haven't even asked you how it went today." She glances out of the window at Jacob. "With Edward."

"Wow!" I deadpan. "Talk about back to earth with a thump. I'd much rather talk about you and Sam."

I tell her the bare bones of it in the few minutes we have before Sue comes in and announces that Charlie is going to bed. Jacob grumbles when they all leave, but he is also yawning, which negates his argument that it's still early.

After Charlie goes to bed, I set about putting a load of laundry on. I'm just loading the machine when the telephone rings, so I yell for Jacob to answer it. He brings me the phone seconds later.

"It's _Mike_," he says, in a sarcastic sing-song voice while making a derisive face when he says Mike's name.

Irritated by his facetiousness, I glare at him as I take the receiver and cover it with my hand. "Go get dressed for bed," I order. "And lose the attitude. I'll be up soon to say goodnight."

I wait till he's gone before I address Mike. "Hi, Mike."

"Hi, I just thought I'd give you a call to see how things went today," he says, sounding a little hesitant. "You don't mind me calling, do you?"

"Of course I don't mind! I was going to call you later anyway," I assure him. "It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. He was civil, so that was... good."

"How about Jacob? How did he do at school today? Did he enjoy it?"

Since we both have to get our kids organised for bed, we don't have a lot of time to talk, so our conversation is brief, and he ends it by wishing me luck for Saturday.

After I hang up, I go to make sure Jacob is ready for bed and find him lying on top of it, with earphones jammed over his ears. He is ignoring me. I can tell by the way his eyelids flicker slightly, he knows I've come into the room and he isn't ready to talk. The fact that the cable for the phones is not connected to the stereo, but dangling from the end of his bed, is another dead giveaway. I wait patiently. Sure enough, less than a minute passes and one eye pops open.

Pretending I don't know he isn't listening to anything, I motion for him to take the headphones off. He complies with a click of his tongue, and then he sits up and folds his arms across his chest.

"So are you going to tell me what's bugging you?" I ask with a sigh, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Nothing's bugging me." He scowls.

"Then why were you so rude about Mike calling?"

He pouts. "I'm sorry," he drawls, not sounding the least bit sincere.

"Jacob, if you don't tell me what's on your mind, I can't talk it over with you." I sigh in exasperation. "Don't you like Mike?"

"I do," he argues. "But he's around _all_ the time."

With everything that's happening right now, I'm not surprised that he's feeling a little territorial.

Pulling him close, I curl my arm around him and rest my chin on his head. "Mike's just my friend, sweetie– "I remember his recent request for me to stop calling him _sweetie_ when I feel him stiffen. "_Jacob_," I correct. "He's been very nice to us because that's what friends do for each other."

He pulls back and looks up at me. "I'm sorry."

"I know, sweetie it's..." I notice his pointed look. "Oh! I don't know if I'll _ever _get used to not being able to call you that." I laugh, squeezing him tight.

He laughs too, his bad mood forgotten, and I kiss his head while he scrambles beneath the covers.

* * *

Lying awake in bed, propped up on my pillows, I watch the breaking dawn through the gap in my curtains. This is, without doubt, one of the biggest days in Jacob's life – arguably mine too – and yet it starts just like any other. I've hardly slept a wink. I've spent the night staring at the moonlight, watching the sky start to change colour and now the horizon is slowly turning orange. I wonder how I'll feel, and more importantly, how Jacob will be feeling, by the time this newborn sun dies tonight.

Charlie's footsteps are light as he pads downstairs, he paused as he passed our room, but thankfully he didn't come in. We argued again yesterday about me taking Jacob to meet Edward alone, but I stood my ground, and now he has decided to go into work today. Since he's _surplus to requirements_, his words, not mine.

I should go speak to him, but there are only so many confrontations a person can take in one day – Christ, in one lifetime! And I certainly feel like I've had my fair share of those in the past few days.

The other day, Edward said that I'm the one holding all the cards, but am I really? I have no idea what to expect today, and yet I feel like everyone is looking to me to lead the way. Going to Adventureland was the best I could come up with. I really didn't relish the thought of the three of us sitting alone somewhere quiet, not knowing how to have a conversation. Or worse still, Edward and I getting sucked into another argument while Jacob wonders what the hell is going on.

It's barely six a.m., and already I'm wishing this day was over. I'm not even out of bed yet! Like a coward, I wait till Charlie leaves before getting up. I creep around the bed, careful not to wake Jacob, and slip out of the room. It took him forever to drop off last night. His mood swings were incredible, one minute he was all excited– as if it were Christmas Eve, and the next he looked like he normally does when he's in the dentist's waiting room.

I feel sick to my stomach for him – sick with guilt that I led him to this moment, and sick with fear that it will all go horribly wrong. It seems to me like there are more things in this fucked up scenario that could go wrong than right – not the least of which being that Jacob is so keen for this that he's wide open to having his little heart broken –and there is not a damn thing I can do to control it.

Pushing these tormenting thoughts aside, I head downstairs and help myself to a mug of the coffee Charlie made. After drinking it, I rinse the mug and check the time. Only fifteen minutes have passed. Showering and dressing kills another thirty. I spend another ten minutes laying out clothes for Jacob, before I'm back at the table sipping coffee.

And, as is the law, as soon as Jacob wakes up and the day begins for real, a strong wave of fatigue courses through me, and I feel like I could sleep at last.

He meanders into the kitchen, his shoulders sagging and his face still weary and sleep crumpled. He looks at me with bleary eyes when I say good morning and merely curves his lips up a little in weak smile. He flops into the chair, and then lays his head on the table.

I feel a little guilty right now for being thankful that he stayed up so late last night. If he hadn't, he would have bounded down the stairs an hour ago with another round of questions that I'd find impossible to answer. My eyes roam over his tired face and I smile. He'll perk up soon enough, but for now, this is about as much as I can handle.

"What time is it?" he asks, his voice muffled by the arm in front of his face.

"It's only just past eight, we've got plenty time," I tell him, preempting his next question.

Three hours later we're on the road and Jacob is fidgeting like he has ants in his pants. Though I'm still convinced he wants to do this, his enthusiasm has waned with the imminent arrival of the moment he has been anticipating for so long.

Surprisingly, he hasn't said much all morning, and my attempts to draw him out of himself have been met with a clicking tongue and rolling eyes. He wriggles again and huffs loudly while pulling at his collar and craning his neck.

"I told you not to wear that shirt," I say, shooting him a sidelong glance. "The label irritates your neck."

He'd turned his nose up at the jeans and sweater I'd laid out for him earlier, choosing instead to wear the baseball shirt that Phil bought him before we left.

"I tried to cut it off, remember?" I remind him gently. "But the stitching is still ragged, that's what's scratching."

"Stupid stitching," he complains, throwing himself back in the seat.

"Maybe they sell shirts in Adventureland. I'll buy you one when we get there," I offer.

"I bet they'll be lame!"

I bite my tongue and count to ten in my head before turning the radio up a little louder. He wriggles about in the seat some more and then finally settles down. We arrive at Adventureland a good half-hour before we are due to meet Edward. Parking at the far end of the lot, I kill the engine and turn to Jacob.

"How are you feeling?" I ask. He shrugs as if it's no big deal, but I've never seen him so tense. "Okay, I'll rephrase that, what are you thinking?"

His eyes are fixed firmly downwards, staring at his hands as he twists them in his lap. He shrugs again and when I cover his hands with mine, he looks up into my eyes. His are shimmering with the beginnings of tears.

"Oh baby!" I gasp, wrestling us free from our seatbelts and pulling him close.

"I've changed my mind," he says, his voice trembling. "I don't want to meet him. Can we go home?"

I smooth my fingers through his hair, brushing it away from his face so I can kiss his forehead. "What's made you change your mind?" Once again he shrugs, so I probe further. "Is it because you're scared?"

His head jerks up, and I move back so I can look at him properly. His eyes are brimming with uncertainty, and his mouth is curved downwards in a deep frown.

"It's okay to be scared, Jacob," I tell him. "In fact, it's perfectly normal. You've been waiting for this moment for a while, and now that it's here, you're just feeling a little overwhelmed by it."

His frown deepens. "What does overwhelmed mean?"

I bite my lip to stifle the little chuckle that tries to escape. "It just means that you're feeling so many things right now, it's making you feel scared. You don't have to be scared though, sweetie, I'm here with you."

He inhales a deep breath and nods grimly.

"We still have twenty minutes. There's no rush, let's just wait and see how you feel in a little while... and if you still don't want to do this, then that's okay." I suggest.

He agrees to this, and smiles weakly at me. I look out of the window and spot Edward immediately; he's over by the gates at the main entrance and he's pretty hard to miss. He's pacing a little, and in the few seconds since I spotted him, he's already looked at his watch twice.

I compare him to the other men passing in casual jeans and jackets. Edward is wearing a crisp white shirt with the top button undone, navy suit pants and a thick wool jacket. Where everyone else is wearing sneakers, he's wearing shiny leather shoes that are completely unsuitable for traipsing around a theme park. He couldn't have looked more out of place if he'd turned up on a beach wearing a ski-suit.

Swallowing hard, I look down at Jacob. "He's already here," I say, and I can't be sure whether it's the words or the timbre of my voice, but Jacob's eyes widen as he looks up at me.

"Where?" he asks.

I somehow manage to give him a reassuring smile. "Do you see the really nervous guy standing by the gates? White shirt, blue pants." Jacob glances over, but as if the sight might burn his eyes, his gaze snaps back to me. "That's Edward," I tell him. He looks again, tentatively. "I guess you're not the only one who's nervous." I say, squeezing his shoulder.

Leaning forward, Jacob studies him through the windshield. Maybe having this opportunity to observe from afar will help calm him, or at least factor a little in his decision whether to go through with this or not. I dread to think what will happen if he refuses to meet Edward, but Jacob's feelings are paramount. If he doesn't want to leave this car then I won't make him.

"Do you really think he's nervous?" Jacob asks, without taking his eyes off him.

"See the way he's pacing up and down like that... and look! He's checked his watch now about three times already," I point out, as Edward looks up and glances around. Jacob jumps back in his seat as if he's afraid to be spotted. "He's looking a little nervous if you ask me." I add, glancing at him.

Stealthily leaning forward again, Jacob watches, transfixed. "He doesn't look like I thought he'd look," he whispers quietly, almost as if he's talking to himself.

"What did you think he'd look like?" I can't help but ask.

"I thought he'd look like me."

This makes me laugh, and his eyes snap to mine in annoyance. I bite my lip and apologise. "I'm sorry, sw... Jacob, I'm only laughing because he does look like you, well, you look like him."

He turns his attention back to Edward, his expression filled with dubiety. I wait a few more minutes, but when Jacob shows no signs of making a decision one way or the other, I decide to take the initiative.

"Do you want me to go and explain to him that you're not ready today?" I ask. "We can do it another day."

He blinks up at me. "No, I'm okay... I'm ready."

"You sure?"

He nods, so we get out of the car. Walking to his side I hold my hand out to him. He glances at it and grimaces.

"Oh right, too old to hold my hand, got it!" I say lightly, which earns me a small smile.

"And don't call me sweetie," he whispers, even though we are still the full length of the lot away from Edward.

As we walk towards him, I try to gauge his mood as best as I can with only his body language to go on. He jams his hands into his pockets, rocks back on his heels, puffing his cheeks out a little when he blows out a sharp breath. He checks his watch, brushes his fingers through his hair and then starts to look around. His eyes land on us. He freezes.

His eyes drop and his sharp green gaze fixes on Jacob, whose steps are slowing the closer we get. Wanting to throw my arm across Jacob's shoulder, but knowing he'd hate that, I content myself with brushing my hand across his arm while I quietly ask him if he's okay.

He doesn't answer. He and Edward are now staring intently at each other, and I can almost feel the nervous energy rolling off Jacob.

"Hello, Edward," I say, a little too formally when we reach him.

His eyes flick up to mine briefly. "Hi," he responds a little absentmindedly. His voice is low and slightly husky.

"Jacob, this is Edward," I say, cringing inwardly because it all seems so weirdly formal.

Jacob looks like he might throw up at any given moment, and as his eyes roam over Edward's face, he looks a little downcast. His eyes flick to mine for guidance, and I nod slightly to encourage him. Turning back to Edward, he extends his hand the same way he did when he first met Charlie.

Like Charlie, this at first impresses Edward, but as he accepts Jacob's handshake, I see a hint of disappointment on his face. The same flicker that I saw in Jacob's moments before.

It seems this is not the first meeting they'd envisioned, they might both have been hoping for something more, but this is no Hollywood movie. They were never going to go running into each other's arms.

"It's good to finally meet you," Edward says, and then looks at me with a nervous grimace.

I keep my expression neutral while Jacob says hello. Then the expected awkward silence descends upon us.

Edward stares at Jacob for a few moments, as if he's taking in every tiny detail of his face, before blinking a few times. "Oh, I just remembered, I brought you something," he says, handing Jacob a small package I hadn't noticed he was carrying.

"What is it?" Jacob asks, taking it from him and staring at it.

"Open it and see," Edward coaxes. But as soon as Jacob starts ripping the paper open, a shadow of hesitation sweeps across his face.

Pulling the paper apart, Jacob reveals a green, blue and silver shirt, his eyes flick up to me and then he hands me the paper while he shakes the shirt out and holds it up.

"It's a baseball shirt... Mariners," Edward explains, watching Jacob inspect the shirt. "Um... the Seattle Mariners. Your...uh... mom..." He looks to me. "Said you like baseball."

Still inspecting the shirt, Jacob speaks without looking at Edward. "What's all the writing?"

"Oh... I got the team to sign it for you," Edward replies.

Feeling a ripple of annoyance at Edward's words, I bite my lip to prevent me from saying something in front of Jacob. I don't want Edward thinking that he can just ply Jacob with fancy gifts to win him over, but now is not the right time to bring it up.

Jacob looks up surprised. "Are you a player, like Phil?"

Edward chuckles, looking a little embarrassed. "No, I just...I pulled a few strings."

Jacob turns the collar inside out, fishes the label out and rubs it against his cheek. "The label's soft," he announces, turning to me. "Can I put it on _now_?"

Edward's brows knit together and he looks inquisitively at me.

"He has a thing about labels," I explain. "He doesn't like the feel of them, they irritate his skin. Some are okay though." I gesture towards Jacob, still rubbing the label on his cheek.

Before I can stop him, Jacob shrugs out of his jacket and pulls his shirt off before wriggling into the new one. He looks down at himself and smiles, glancing alternately at Edward and me.

"How do I look?"

Edward gets in there first. "You look great."

"Are they any good?" Jacob enquires, looking at the team emblem, "The Mariners?"

Edwards laugh is entirely too hearty for that question, and I imagine it's borne of relief more than anything else. "No, Jacob, they're not very good at all."

"Then why'd you buy me their shirt."

Edward sobers, and rubs his hand across the back of his neck. "I thought maybe you'd like to start collecting them." He points to the signatures. "That's why I had it signed; I didn't actually think you'd wear it."

A fierce blush suddenly ignites Jacob's cheeks. "Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't–" he begins, clutching at the hem as if he's going to rip the shirt off.

"No, no, don't take it off. It's yours. If you want to wear it, that's even better," Edward babbles, looking a little panic stricken.

I watch their exchange in amazement. In under five minutes Jacob has brought out a little bit of the Edward I remember, and though I still feel like today is going to be an ordeal, it has given me hope that maybe Jacob will enjoy it.

"Okay, so are we going in?" Edward asks, glancing at both Jacob and me, while jerking his thumb towards the main entrance.

Jacob spots the bathrooms next to the main entrance, and asks if he can use them first before we go in. He scurries off, still looking down at his new shirt.

When he disappears through the door, Edward turns to me. "He's–"

"He–" I start to speak at the same time, and we both stop, gesturing for the other to continue.

The shrill ring of his cell phone interrupts us. He looks at me apologetically as he fishes it out of his pocket. I feel like I could kiss the person who is calling him right now, because I could use a few moments to gather my wits.

"Cullen!" he barks into the phone, turning his back on me.

I take a few steps away from him towards the bathrooms.

"Jesus Christ, James, I asked you to do it!" he growls. "No, I told you I'm out of town this weekend, that's why I left this with you... James! I briefed you on this yesterday goddammit!... you better deal with this, or you won't have a job come Monday morning. What's the point of having a dog if I have to bark myself?"

The sharp snap of the cell phone shutting alerts me that the call is over. The way he spoke to this James was appalling, and I find it difficult to hide my disgust when he reaches me.

Jacob reappears and I turn to Edward. "Maybe you should turn that off." I say disdainfully. "I don't want Jacob hearing you speak to people like that."

He quickly glances in the direction of the bathrooms. Jacob has just emerged and is heading towards us. Edward looks back to me, narrows his eyes, and then flipping open his cell he switches it off.

"Can we go now?" Jacob asks.

And I really wish he meant home.

* * *

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	11. Chapter 11

I stare back at Jacob as he waits expectantly for an answer to his question. The change in him is unnerving to say the least. Less than fifteen minutes ago he was freaking out in the car, and now, he's standing before me wearing the shirt that Edward gave him and looking like he doesn't have a care in the world.

"Shall we?" Edward suggests, raising an inquisitive eyebrow.

I'm not sure whether his smugness is entirely imagined by me, but it rankles just the same.

Without a word, I start walking towards the entrance, and Edward falls into step beside me. Jacob moves between us, and my step falters. I remember many times when I've watched enviously as families walked like this. Sometimes both parents would be holding a hand each and swinging their child between them. I used to wonder if Jacob noticed this and wished he could have that too. If he did he never showed any indication of it, and he has never walked so closely between me and another person before.

Looking down at him, my insides twist at the look of pride on his face. The sheer speed in which he's relaxed into this bizarre situation, coupled with the expression he is wearing, reveals to me just how much he's always wanted to meet his father. I swallow down the shame that suddenly grips me. What kind of mother am I that I never knew he felt this strongly? My reluctance to tell him _anything_ about Edward had even caused him to think that his father must be dead.

We haven't even reached the ticket booth when Edward pulls out his wallet. Gritting my teeth, I delve into my purse pulling out my wallet and rush towards the booth before he can reach it.

"Let me," he says, catching up with me easily.

"No it's okay, I've got it," I say, opening my wallet and taking out the coupons I cut from yesterday's newspaper.

"What are those?" he asks, watching me unfold them.

"I saw these in the paper yesterday, they give you half off."

He scowls at the pieces of paper in my hand as if his glare alone could incinerate them. "You don't need those," he objects. "I can pay."

Jacob is watching us avidly.

"Thank you, Edward," I say with forced politeness that borders on sarcasm. "But, it would be a shame to waste them. There's no sense in paying full price when I can use these. No point in throwing money around just for the sake of it, is there?"

His expression darkens, but his eyes dart to Jacob and his mouth stays firmly closed. I turn to the ticket seller and pay for our tickets, before stepping aside and letting Edward purchase his full price one.

The autumn sun casts a bright, luminous glow on everything, making the day seem warmer than it actually is. Despite the bitter cold wind, the park is teeming with people as we push through the gates. As soon as we are through the turnstiles, Jacob unfolds the map and peers at it.

Edward stands behind Jacob, looking around as if he's suddenly found himself on a different planet. Looking so stiff in his inappropriate clothes, I wonder if he even remembers how to relax and have fun. He certainly doesn't look like a man who has much of it in his life.

He looks down at Jacob, his expression pensive and then he looks at me. Realizing he is at a loss of what to do, I feel a pang of sympathy for him. I nod encouragingly, hoping that it will convey that I think he should talk to Jacob.

"What kinds of rides do you like?" he asks, looking over Jacob's shoulder.

Jacob turns to look at him, shyness evident in his expression, and shrugs a little. "I like everything, especially the big rides, but Mom doesn't, so I don't get much of a chance to go on them."

Though addressing Jacob, Edward looks at me as he speaks. "Well I'm sure your Mom and I could take it in turns to enjoy the rides with you," he proposes. "I don't mind the big ones."

Jacob's head whirls to me, and his gleeful smile has me quickly forcing a smile of my own. He thrusts the map at me, pointing eagerly at a rather gruesome caricature of a spider-like ride. "Can I go on the _Tarantula_ with..." he stalls and his face reddens. "Edward?" His voice is quiet and carries a trace of uncertainty as he says his father's name.

Instantly, I can tell he wanted to say dad but lost his nerve at the last moment. It's yet another reminder of the many obstacles we must overcome before Jacob can feel entirely comfortable with this situation he has been thrust into.

Nodding, I plaster a smile to my face. "As long as you meet the height requirements, I don't see why not."

In a gesture borne of the sheer volume of emotions coursing through him, Jacob throws his arms around me and hugs me tight. "Thanks, Mom." Hugs are always reserved for extreme situations, and this one certainly qualifies.

It is not without effort that I keep my own emotions in check. I pull back and grin down at him. "Let's go have fun!"

I look up and my eyes connect with Edward's. There is a fleeting glimpse of something I recognize on his face, but before I have the chance to focus on it, it's gone.

There have been times over the years where I've succumbed to the temptation of imagining what it would've been like if things had turned out differently – If the three of us could have been together. I was never able to fully imagine a scenario that felt right, and here – in the reality of the situation – it still doesn't feel right.

When we reach the line for the tarantula ride, Jacob races to the board to stand beneath the red line. For once his rambunctious hair is an asset as the attendant agrees that he meets the height requirement, even though I know he's almost an inch below it.

Flashing his wrist band triumphantly at the attendant, Jacob makes his way to the end of the line.

"Are you coming?" Edward asks, surprising me.

Shaking my head, I wave my hand at him, gesturing that he should join Jacob, who is so eagerly waiting. Unable to put my finger on the exact emotion I am feeling, I look away from them both for a few moments. I should be happy that Jacob has relaxed so quickly and seems to be taking all this in his stride, but the mother in me can't stop worrying that there will be a backlash.

Watching intently as the attendant straps them into their seats, I wave back to Jacob as he gives me a thumbs up. Edward looks like the cat that got the cream as his eyes never leave Jacob.

While they enjoy the ride, I take a seat on a nearby bench and force myself to take stock of the situation. Jacob was so nervous, and ready to walk away from the chance to meet his father due to those nerves. Yet, now he is happily riding on a fairground attraction with him.

Even though there is a cacophony of screams and yells ringing out from the ride, I can differentiate Jacob's from the rest. His happy screams seem clearer to me than all the others and should come as a relief, but my distrust of Edward prevents me from being truly happy to see Jacob so open and carefree. I can't help but worry that it would be so easy for Edward to truly hurt him, even if he doesn't mean to.

"Mom!" Jacob yells, sprinting towards me when the ride is over. "You totally have to go on that, it's awesome!" He spins round towards Edward. "Tell her," he prompts. "How cool was that?"

Edward chuckles and ruffles Jacob's hair. "It was pretty special," he says, smiling broadly.

"What can we go on next?" Jacob asks, pulling open the map.

"Maybe we should get you something to eat first. You hardly touched your breakfast this morning," I suggest.

Jacob's shoulders sag. "I'm not hungry," he protests. "And besides, if I eat now I won't be able to go on any more rides for a while. You always make me wait in case I throw up," he points out. "I could use a drink though."

I give him some money and he scoots off towards the concession stand up ahead of us. "No soda!" I call after him. "Get water."

"He has so much energy," Edward says, grinning as he watches Jacob race ahead of us. He turns to me. "He's a great kid. I'm so relieved it's going so well."

"Me too," I agree, keeping my eyes trained on Jacob. "He was really nervous this morning." I steal a glance at Edward, he's watching me intently. "He...um... he nearly didn't go through with it."

His eyebrows shoot up. "Really?"

I nod. "This means so much to him," I say quietly. "You have to take it slowly, he's on a high right now, but it won't take much to knock his confidence."

"It means a lot to me too." His voice holds a slight trace of affront. "I would never hurt him."

Jacob is standing in line, and I drop down onto a bench seat to wait for him. Edward sits beside me.

"I'm not suggesting you'd do it intentionally, but if you lose your temper or –"

"I won't," he grits out. "I already apologised for that." He runs his fingers through his hair and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "Look, this isn't easy for me either. I was worried he wouldn't like me, that he'd stand behind you the whole time. I don't even know what you've told him about me or what he was expecting. I'm not... used to kids." He swallows and there's a long pause before his shoulders relax and he looks back over his shoulder at me. His lips curve into a small smile. "They scare me a little."

Something about the tenderness in his eyes and the honesty of his admission moves me. "I've never said a bad word about you to him," I say. "And you're doing great; just don't try too hard... let him set the pace."

He continues to look at me, his smile slowly fading before he turns his head and watches Jacob.

"What do you mean, trying too hard?" he asks.

"Well, that shirt you gave him... was it really necessary to have the team sign it?"

"You said he was into baseball, I thought maybe we could collect signed shirts. It would be something we could do together. If I'd known he'd want to wear it, I could have brought an unsigned one too."

"You don't need to shower him with gifts, Edward," I say gently.

Hearing how he's thought this through and actually come up with something he hopes he and Jacob will have in common, endears him to me more than I want it to. If the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, then the way to a mom's heart is through her children.

"You know, I'm glad he's enjoying himself," he says, bringing me out of my introspection. "But I wish we'd met somewhere a little quieter, so I could talk to him more."

I look down at his clothes. "Maybe we should've set up a meeting in your boardroom," I joke.

His head snaps round and catching my expression, he looks down. "Yeah, I guess I'm not really dressed for this. I was sort of on autopilot this morning, you know?"

"I'm guessing you don't spend a lot of time doing stuff like this," I say with a smile.

"I work a lot." He sighs, facing forward again.

"Define a lot."

"Seven days a week, usually."

"That's how you live your life, now?" I say, unable to keep the surprise from my voice.

He swivels on the bench and his eyes narrow as he looks at me. "Yeah, this is how I live my life, Bella. I work seven days a week and I enjoy it, so shoot me. What about you? How do you live your life? Cutting out _coupons_?"

His disdainful tone riles me. My hands ball into fists while I seethe inwardly. Who the hell does he think he is, insinuating that I'm practically a failure for being frugal?

"Yes!" I hiss, feeling like I'd love to slap him right about now. "I do what I have to, to provide for Jacob."

"Well, there wasn't much I could do about that!" he storms, standing up.

"Touche," I mutter, cringing a little because he has a point. A very valid point.

In my attempts to defend how I've coped raising Jacob alone, I've inadvertently made it seem like I'm the poor, neglected single mother. That was not my intention, and I could kick myself for letting my emotions get the better of me.

I stand up when Jacob comes bounding back towards us. I'm keen to get moving again. The next hour consists of Edward and I following an excited Jacob all over the theme park. He and Edward are still acting slightly unsure but are clearly enjoying themselves, and thankfully all conversation between Edward and me is conducted through Jacob.

Eventually Jacob catches onto the fact that I've managed to avoid going on any rides and tries, unsuccessfully, to coax me onto a couple of high ones. I've never been good with heights and he knows this, but in his exuberance, he's clearly forgotten.

"We should go on the Terminator next!" Jacob enthuses.

"You can go on it with Edward. I don't mind waiting," I say with a smile.

"Why don't we go on a ride that we can all enjoy?" Edward says, looking down at Jacob.

"Yes!" Jacob utters, clearly delighted by the mere notion. "Can we?" he asks, looking at me as if his life depends on me answering affirmatively.

Edward eyes me expectantly. I envision him holding out an olive branch, and it seems only fair that I should do the same.

"Of course." I force out the words.

Finally, we settle on a ride that doesn't rise above eye level – though it does seem to spin quite a lot – an observation that does little to enamour me to it.

Eyeing the narrow carriage sceptically, I wonder if we will all fit as Jacob urges me to get in. I climb in before Jacob, leaving Edward to get in last. Edward smiles as he pulls the barrier across us. This is the most relaxed I've seen him and slowly, the hard-ass business man who pisses me off seems to be melting away.

I turn away from him as the attendant approaches us to check the barrier.

"You'll have to switch," he says, motioning between Jacob and I with his finger. "The lightest rider has to be on the inside."

As soon as the barrier is raised Jacob stands up and looks at me expectantly. Looking down at the empty space next to Edward, my eyes close briefly as I fight the urge to just step off the ride altogether. I slide along the plastic-covered seat making sure to leave a space between Edward and I, but that proves pointless when Jacob drops into the gap on my other side, effectively pushing me up against Edward.

The attendant slams the barrier shut with a loud clang, and I am thoroughly imprisoned. My leg is pressed firmly against Edward's from hip to knee, and I feel the heat from his body seeping into mine. I doubt there has ever been a time in my life when I've been more uncomfortable than I am right now – and not just physically.

The ride begins to move and Jacob laughs hysterically on our first spin, which of course forces me even tighter against Edward. He raises his arm to slide it along the back of the carriage. I feel his hard muscles flexing as he moves, and briefly I wonder if he works out now. The ride speeds up, putting more strain on my neck as I fight to keep my head from falling backwards.

I'm not strong enough to withstand the sheer force of the ride, and my head falls back against Edward's shoulder. Jacob is giggling beside me, his hands flailing in the air, but there is no sound coming from Edward. I'm practically nestled in the crook of his arm, which feels entirely too intimate to me.

Gripping the hand rail, I pull myself forward in an effort to gain some much needed distance, but I can't fight the gravitational force that keeps pulling me towards Edward.

"If you sit back, this would be a lot less painful," he half yells above the music, his voice shaking in time with the rattling of the carriage.

I turn to look at him – our faces are mere inches apart. Swallowing thickly, I wrench my eyes from him and face the front instead. Jacob giggles beside me, throwing his hands in the air again and whooping at the sensation of being spun so fast. Once again, I find myself thrown back against Edward, but this time his hand curls around my shoulder.

"Sit still," he insists. "It'll be over soon."

His breath is hot on my ear, and even though it's shaking his voice holds a timbre that sends shivers down my spine.

As soon as the ride is over, I jump from the carriage, heading for the exit as fast as my legs will carry me. Glancing around, I spot a sign for the restrooms and head for the nearest one, calling over my shoulder to them to wait for me.

Slamming the door of the stall, I cover my face with my hands and lean my head against the wall. _What the hell is going on?_ My emotions are all over the place. I worried about how difficult this might be for Jacob, and I was fully prepared to have to help him through it. However, it never entered my head that this might be more difficult for me than it would be for him. I never expected that he and Edward would start to bond so quickly. I am happy for Jacob, but I have to admit that my happiness is tinged with jealousy.

Edward hasn't only had a profound effect on Jacob. One instance of sitting next to him and I'm acting like an eighteen-year-old again. All too aware of the heat emanating from him, the hardness of his body pressed against mine, and when my head lay on his shoulder it brought back that feeling of belonging that I never knew I'd forgotten.

Surely it's just the emotions of the day mixed with my lack of sleep that is causing me to feel so out of my depth. Jacob is happy – that should be the main thing... Oh God, Jacob!

Yanking the door open, I rush back outside, half expecting to find them gone. Whirling in every direction, relief stops me in my tracks when I spot them leaning against a railing, deep in conversation. My heart is hammering wildly in my chest. While I don't really believe that Edward would kidnap him, it was stupid to take the chance. I have to pull myself together and take control of the situation.

Walking towards them, I catch the tail end of their conversation.

"– we're only here till after... Grandpa Charlie is sick." Jacob finishes ominously. I explained the implications of Charlie's illness to him, but it still hurts to hear him imply to Edward that Charlie will die.

Edward stares at Jacob for a long moment, as if he's trying to find the right words. "Your mom's lucky to have you here helping her."

Jacob's cheeks grow pink as he shrugs self consciously. He looks down, kicking his toe into the ground. His head snaps up when he hears me approach, and his eyes hold mine. Worry flashes in them, alerting me to the fact that he fears he might have said something he shouldn't have. I smile reassuringly at him.

"It's lunchtime," I say, handing him the map. "Have a look and decide where you want to eat."

He takes the map from me and unfolds it, studying it for a moment before looking up to Edward. "What do you like to eat? They've got hot dogs, pizza, burgers ..." He squints at the map again. "Mexican and a sandwich bar," he says, grimacing at the last option.

In his Italian shoes and tailored trousers, Edward doesn't give the impression he eats fast food. But I remember he used to practically live on cheeseburgers – much to Esme's annoyance.

"The choice is yours," he says to Jacob.

"But what do you like?" Jacob asks again, his eyes shining with curiosity.

Appearing to grasp that this question is Jacob's way of finding out more about him, Edward grins. "I wouldn't mind a cheeseburger." He glances at me. "What about you? You still vegetarian? If they don't do garden burgers we could go somewhere else."

I tell him that the burger joint will be fine and Jacob happily walks in front of us, taking in the rides as we pass.

"I'm sorry about Charlie," Edward says quietly, hanging back beside me. "How is he?"

"Refusing to take it seriously," I reply, and then realizing I'm being short with him, I elaborate. "It's his way of dealing with things. He's just trying to stay as normal as possible for as long as possible."

"It's pancreatic cancer, right?" he asks gently, but I catch the ominous tone of his voice.

"Yeah," I respond shakily. "Do you mind if we don't talk about it?"

"Of course."

I feel like I'm running on autopilot as we get our food and make our way to a table in the far corner of the restaurant. Jacob sits opposite Edward while I take the window seat. Almost as soon as he sits down, Jacob launches into a flurry of questions.

"Where do you live?" Jacob asks, dipping a French fry into ketchup.

"Seattle," Edward replies.

"Where do you work?"

"I'm based in Seattle, but I travel a lot."

"What's your job?"

"I work with my brother, Emmett," Edward says with a smile. "We run some businesses that do lots of different things."

"Wow, you must be really rich."

"Jacob!" I scold, and he has the good grace to look sheepish, but it doesn't stop him from asking more questions.

"What's your house like?"

"I live in an apartment... maybe one day I'll get to take you there," Edward responds, raising his eyes to meet mine.

"Cool!" Jacob enthuses.

My attention caught, I stare across the table to see Edward still looking at me. Another impasse. Jacob is concentrating on tearing his burger into little pieces, so I shake my head slightly to indicate to Edward that I don't want to get into that discussion in front of Jacob.

He sighs, and I spot the muscle working in his jaw. With Jacob sitting right between us, I can't offer any explanation, but I hope he knows my lack of elaboration is purely down to Jacob being here.

Edward holds my gaze as I take a sip of coffee.

"Maybe you and I should get together," he says.

My gasp results in a lung full of coffee, which I promptly spit all over the table in an embarrassing coughing fit.

"Are you okay, Mom?" Jacob asks, jumping to his feet.

Still coughing, I manage to nod. Wiping my mouth, I focus on Edward. "What?"

His obvious amusement irritates me. "I was just saying, maybe we should get together and work out a plan for going forward."

"_For going forward_?" I ask disdainfully, "What? Like a business plan?"

"No, Mom." Jacob cuts in, reminding me that I need to be far more in control of myself than I am right now. "So we can see more of each other." He turns to Edward, looking for affirmation. "Right?"

"Yes," Edward agrees. "If that's what _you_ want."

I want nothing more than to remind Edward that Jacob is not a pawn in our game, but since I am as guilty as he is, I bite my tongue. He is right; we do need to work things out for Jacob's sake – and not just the logistics of visitation rights. Just as I'm about to vocalize this in as diplomatic a way as I can muster, my cell phone rings.

Edward quirks an eyebrow as if to remind me of my earlier request for him to switch his phone off. I resist the urge to roll my eyes and look at the display.

Seeing that it's Leah, I press the answer button. "Hi Leah," I say with a smile.

"Are you still in Adventureland?" she asks without preamble.

Catching the tension in her voice, my heart skips a beat. "Yes, why?"

"You need to come home," she says. "It's Charlie."

I shoot up off my seat. "What's happened?" I gasp.

Edward and Jacob look at me simultaneously.

"He collapsed at work today. They took him to the hospital. Me and Mom are here with him, they've sedated him. They haven't told us anything yet, but I think you should come, they'll talk to you."

"Collapsed? He was okay this morning–" Remembering how I avoided him this morning, I slump back down into my chair. "Leah..."

"Bella!" Leah's voice is insistent now. "Don't think, just get here."

I try to look at Edward and Jacob, but the vision escapes me and I realise tears are blurring it.

"I need to go," I whisper.

"Mom?" Jacob's voice is panicked.

Blinking rapidly, the tears fall onto my cheeks, blazing a path to my chin. "It's okay, baby. We just need to go home." My voice sounds like it's being piped through the speakers on the wall. It is alien to me, and judging by Jacob's face, it sounds alien to him too.

"I'll drive you."

I turn at the sound of Edward's voice.

"No," I protest. "I brought my car... it's outside... I have to–"

"I'll drive it!" Edward insists. "You're in no fit state to drive."

I blink at him, trying to focus on the practicalities. "But your car?"

"Let me worry about that."

Before I know it we are zooming through the streets, and my head is filled with the arguments Charlie and I have had over the past couple of days. If I'd agreed to insist that Edward come to the house, Charlie wouldn't have gone to work today. _Jesus! He had surgery a few days ago. What was I thinking? _

The sob bubbles in my throat before I can stop it. I feel a hand on my arm, and all at once I am aware of my surroundings. I'm sitting in the passenger seat of my own car with Jacob in the back, leaning forward, gripping my arm.

"Don't cry Mom, we'll get you there!" he says desperately.

I clutch his hand in mine. He said 'we'.He is already looking to Edward for support and I have to relinquish if only to give Jacob peace of mind.

"Thanks, sweetie," I murmur, before I can check myself for using that term of endearment in front of Edward. But I needn't have worried because he squeezes my arm as if to tell me it's okay.

The state of panic doesn't leave me throughout the journey, and as we pull into the hospital parking lot it increases. Panic grips me as Edward kills the engine. Silence descends like cling film and suddenly I can't breathe.

"Bella!" It is Edward's voice that penetrates. "Do you want me to take care of Jacob for you?"

"No! He's coming with me." I turn to Jacob.

I look at Jacob. His eyes are like saucers and he is so very pale. Turning to Edward, I see the conflict in his eyes. Edward's eyes flick between Jacob and me, until eventually they seem to harden with decision.

"I'll come inside with you to make sure you find them. Okay?"

I nod absentmindedly, concentrating on Jacob again. His obvious relief at Edward's decision cuts like a knife. I should be the one putting him at ease. I'm the one who dragged him into all this and if I can't see him through it, what hope is there?

Feeling warmth on my knee, I look down to find Edward's hand gripping me. My eyes snap to his, only to find a commanding gaze. "I'm coming with you."

He opens his door, and following his lead, I get out and open the door for Jacob.

We rush through the labyrinth of corridors, finally finding Leah and Sue who stare with wide eyes at Edward.

Leah recovers her composure first and smiles at Jacob. "You and I are gonna go home and watch _Ratatouille_."

With no hint of emotion or comprehension, Jacob stares back at her for a long while before he speaks. "What's happened to Grandpa Charlie?"

Leah slips her arm around his shoulder and pulls him close. "The surgery he had the other day hasn't healed properly. He just needs a few days rest to help him recover." She glances at me. "They've given him some medicine to make him sleepy. That way he"ll be able to get the rest he needs to make him feel better. Your mom wants to stay to keep an eye on him, but we can go home."

Jacob looks at me for reassurance.

"Leah's right. I'll wait here and as soon as Grandpa Charlie wakes up, I'll call you," I promise.

He turns to look at Edward who is all but forgotten. "Why can't I go with my dad?"

Edward's eyes widen at the same time mine do. _My dad _hangs in the air between us. I want to succumb to Jacob's desires but common sense prevails. I can't risk Edward taking him to his family without me being there. A maelstrom of emotion sweeps through me as I stare at Edward, willing him to give me an out.

He crouches down in front of Jacob. "Your mom's right, you should go with Leah. Grandpa Charlie needs to rest and your mom can stay here and make sure he's okay." He stops and roots around in his pocket, pulling out a card. He shows it to Jacob. "This is my cell phone number. You can call me anytime. I'll be here for you when you need me."

Jacob stares at the card. Tears fill his eyes as he glances at me and then looks up at Edward. "But I need you now."

* * *

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	12. Chapter 12

The silence is deafening as we all stare at Jacob. He _needs_ him?

A myriad of emotions roil within me. Hurt, jealousy, sadness – but most of all guilt. Guilt for feeling anything other than happy that he has clearly made the connection with Edward he so dearly wanted.

Of course Jacob needs him; I can see it written all over his face. This day meant so much to him and he's clearly not ready for it to end. He blinks furiously and swipes at his eyes, obviously embarrassed by his emotional outburst.

"Edward needs to go back to his car..." I say, before glancing at Edward. "How will you get back?" I ask, suddenly realising that he drove all this way in my car.

Jacob's expression becomes even more desperate. "I could go back with him to get his car," he suggests eagerly.

"It's okay, I can make arrangements to have my car picked up and brought here," Edward says, standing up and turning to me.

He looks conflicted. It's not difficult to see that he wants to stay with Jacob, but at the same time he might be aware of my own conflicted emotions. For a moment, I'm torn between giving them what they so desperately seem to want, or giving in to my fears of letting control over the situation go. I'm caught in two minds. My eyes flick between Jacob and Edward, both of them waiting for me to give the word.

Jacob's expression borders on pained, his eyes almost beseeching as he holds my gaze. My misery deepens further when faced with the full force of his need to be validated by his father. I couldn't deny him this any more than I could deny him my own love.

Raking my fingers through my hair, I turn my attention to Leah. "Would you mind if Edward goes back to the house with you and Jacob?" Although she looks surprised, she masks it quickly and shakes her head, confirming she doesn't mind. I turn back to Edward. "You can wait at the house for your car... if that's okay?"

Deep down I hope he'll see that I don't really need one more thing to worry about, but that last flicker of hope is extinguished when he nods his head, accepting the invitation.

Jacob moves forward and hugs me. "Will you be okay here?" he asks, his voice muffled against my side. "We could all stay here with you," he offers, but I recognise it for the half-hearted afterthought that it is.

Kissing the top of his head, I squeeze my eyes closed against the threatening tears and force the doubts out of my mind. "No, Grandpa Charlie will be too tired and there's no point in you hanging around here. Go home with Leah and Edward and I'll be home as soon as I can."

Edward hands the car keys to me, and Jacob unwinds his arms from around my waist and goes to stand beside him.

"Let's go," Edward says, smiling down at him.

I watch them start to walk away as Leah wraps her arms around me. "I hope Charlie will be okay," she whispers into my hair.

I pull back slightly, staring into her eyes. "Keep an eye on Jacob," I plead. "Don't leave him alone with Edward." I glance at the two of them walking slowly away from me. "I don't think we should trust him yet."

"Don't worry, I won't let him out of my sight... and I know where Charlie keeps his gun."

My eyes widen, but then I see the small smirk playing on her lips.

"Seriously, Bella, it'll be okay. I'll be vigilant, and if he tries _anything_ I'll call Sam."

I can't stop myself from watching as they walk away. Jacob looks back a couple of times, his face a picture of anxiety. He looks up at Edward, and when Edward places his arm on his shoulder, the bolt of possessiveness that strikes straight to my heart almost has me running down the corridor to grab Jacob back.

Sue slips her arm around my shoulder, turning me towards her. "Try not to worry, Leah will look after him. Let's go see how Charlie's doing," she suggests.

"What happened, Sue?" I ask, focussing on Charlie again.

"He was out with Sam this morning. He said he didn't feel well and went back to the car. Sam found him passed out in the passenger seat and brought him straight here."

"What did the doctors say?" Panic is rising in me now.

"They said they sedated him, but they wouldn't tell us anything further, since we're not family. We came as soon as Sam called, but they wouldn't let us see him."

I look around the corridors wildly. "Who do I need to speak to?"

Sue grips my shoulders. "Try to calm down, Bella. He's in good hands." She rubs my arm reassuringly, before leading me up the corridor and through a set of double doors into a waiting area. The woman sitting behind the reception desk lifts her head and smiles. I give her my name, and after tapping details into her computer she instructs me to take a seat, assuring me that Dr. Sharp will be with me shortly.

I take a seat. There is a TV playing in the corner, but none of the other three people sitting in the waiting room are paying any attention to it. A door opens beside me, and I turn, hoping it will be Dr. Sharp, but it's a nurse and my knees start to bounce with impatience.

"What time did Sam bring him here?" I ask, turning back to Sue.

"A couple of hours ago," she responds.

"When did you talk to the doctor?"

"It was Sam who spoke to him... about an hour ago. But just after that he got a call and had to get back to the station, so Leah and I decided to wait till you got here."

"And no one has come to see you since?"

"Bella," she chides gently. "The doctor will come out and see you as soon as he can."

"I shouldn't have let him go to work. He only went in because he didn't want to sit around the house all day worrying about me," I lament. "I should have asked Edward to come to the house – like Charlie wanted."

She places her hand on my knee, applying gentle pressure which stops it from bouncing, then looks into my eyes. "This is doing you no good, Bella. It wouldn't have made any difference what you did today. Charlie is sick and it's nobody's fault. You can't blame yourself for things that are out of your control."

Unable to hold them in any longer, my emotions come to a boil and I cover my face with my hands as tears erupt. "I'm not ready to lose him, Sue," I cry.

"Shh..." Sue soothes, pulling me into her arms. Somewhere in the midst of my crying fit she presses a tissue into my hand, and I feel her rubbing warm circles on my back. She murmurs quiet words to me, but I can't seem to stop. Even though I am aware that I should pull myself together, it's like the lid has been blown off, and there is nothing I can do to stem the outpouring.

Eventually my tears start to subside and gradually shudder to a halt. Blowing my nose as discretely as I can, I look at Sue apologetically. She smiles sadly back at me.

"Don't be embarrassed. I think you've needed a good cry for a while now," she murmurs quietly.

Stealing a glance around the room, I'm relieved to find that nobody is taking any notice of me. Suddenly the TV holds their interest.

"Sorry, Sue," I whisper, still dabbing my eyes with the tissue.

She waves off my apology, hugging me again. A long, shuddering sigh escapes me, and I realise she's right; I did need a good cry to release some of the tension.

She pulls back and looks at me. "So... how did it go today? It looks like Jacob took to Edward quickly."

"Yeah, you can say that again." I grimace.

"Oh?" she says, raising her eyebrows. "That bothers you?"

"It worries me," I clarify. "I don't know very much about Edward anymore, and I'm just scared Jacob will expect too much of him."

"I know I only saw a brief glimpse, but Edward did seem to connect with him really well." She looks into my eyes. "And he waited for you to decide if it was okay for him to spend more time with Jacob."

"Do you think I'm being a bitch by not trusting him?" I can't help but ask.

She smiles, tucking my hair behind my ear. "No, not at all. You're just being a mother."

"Miss Swan?"

I turn to find a small, stout nurse standing behind us. She looks at me over the rim of her glasses when I stand.

"Dr. Sharp will see you now. If you'd like to come with me," she says, taking a step towards the doors.

I turn to Sue, who waves me on. "I'll be here," she assures me.

Dr. Sharp stands to greet me after the nurse shows me into the room. He gestures to a chair, and I sit down while he closes the door before returning to his seat behind the desk.

I resist the urge to bombard him with questions, deciding to wait the few seconds it takes for him to sit down.

"Sorry we kept you waiting, Miss Swan," he apologises.

"Please, call me Bella," I insist.

He nods slightly. "Your father has a pulmonary embolism on his lung," he begins. "He's very lucky that he was brought here right away–"

"Sorry, what's a pulmonary embolism?" I interrupt.

"It's a blood clot, Bella. We confirmed it with tests and we're treating him to dissolve the clot. His body is very weak due to his recent surgery and the effects of his illness, so we've also put him under sedation to help him rest. He was very agitated when he arrived in the ER."

"But he'll be okay?" I prompt.

He takes his glasses off and looks at me gravely. "The next forty-eight hours will be critical. We'll do another scan to determine if there has been any damage to his heart."

I gasp. "His heart?"

"Yes, sometimes when people suffer an embolism, there can be damage to the heart or lungs." He looks at me pointedly. "But not always. Like I said, we'll know more within the next forty-eight hours."

My heart is beating wildly in my chest as I try to digest his words. "Will he recover fully? I mean, I know he's still sick... but will this... will he be able to come home?"

He stands up. "I'll be able to give you more information once we've completed our tests."

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I wonder if they teach them how to be this evasive in medical school.

"Can I see him now?" I ask, standing too.

"I'll take you down to his room."

I follow him down a short corridor, and he shows me into Charlie's room. He explains briefly that Charlie will be sedated for at least twenty-four hours and advises me not to stay too long. I wait till he leaves the room before approaching the bed.

Moving closer, my eyes widen as I take in the sheer number of machines he is hooked up to. The area around his bed looks like the console of a space ship; there are so many flashing lights and wires. I pull up the single chair from the corner, and sit down. Despite all the lights, the machines are silent, save for one intermittent beeping that I can't source.

Not for the first time since my return, I note how fragile Charlie looks. His skin – still sallow from the jaundice – is thin and taut, clinging to his angular features. His lips are slightly parted in his slumber, causing his breath to hiss slightly on each inhale. Trailing my eyes down the bed, I see his hand lying upturned at his side. I place mine in it, but his remains still.

Hot tears spring to my eyes. Leaning forward, I pick his hand up in both of mine and kiss it. The scent of his skin fills my nostrils and is so achingly familiar; it brings long forgotten memories to my mind. Oddly, I recall him cupping my cheek and brushing a tear from my eye after I fell off my bike. I refused to try again, and I didn't learn to ride a bike until after I moved to Phoenix. It's another reminder of the little things I've shared with Jacob that that Charlie never got to share with me.

"Oh Daddy!" Grief burns in my chest. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you when you needed me. Please get better, I promise I'll do better. I'll look after you. _Please._"

The words rasp from my throat, lost to the sobs that convulse my body. "I won't leave you again," I promise. "Just stay with me."

My desperate pleas achieve nothing. His breathing remains steady and rhythmic, the machine still beeps. I've never felt so powerless in all my life. There is nothing I can do. I can't change this, and I can't run away from it. Losing him is something I can't escape from, no matter how much I want to.

I have no idea how long I've been there when the door suddenly opens. I straighten, wiping at my cheeks and turn to see a nurse entering. Smiling at me sympathetically, she looms over the bed and reads the panels on the machines.

I look down at Charlie's tear-soaked hand, and with one last kiss, place it back on the bed. "Is everything okay?" I ask, watching her as she jots some things down on a clipboard before sliding it back into place at the foot of the bed.

"I'm just checking the readouts," she explains. "It will be at least twenty-four hours before he's awake," she adds gently.

My voice is raw when I tell her I already know this. Suddenly, I remember Sue. A quick glance at my watch tells me I've been in here for almost an hour. The nurse leaves, and I turn back to Charlie.

"I'll come back tomorrow," I whisper, leaning over him. "I love you, Daddy."

I press my lips to his forehead, struggling to choke back fresh sobs, and then somehow find it in me to leave.

"Oh, Bella!" Sue exclaims as soon as I walk back into the waiting room. "Is he– "

"He's okay," I assure her. "They're going to do some tests in the next day or so. They're keeping him sedated to let him rest. It's just a shock seeing him like that... so... helpless."

Sue looks as stricken as I feel, and it's a comfort to me to know that Charlie has other people who care for him like I do.

"Let's go get some coffee before we head home," she suggests. "You look like you need some time to calm down before you drive." She chuckles a little, but it sounds forced and entirely devoid of mirth. "Well, coffee won't calm you down, but you know what I mean."

Over coffee I tell her how much I appreciate everything she and Leah are doing for Charlie and me. She talks about how Charlie helped her when Harry died and says it's the least she can do. Despite their status as friends, Sue's sorrow is palpable, and I can see that she'd hoped for something more.

Before I start blubbering again she changes the subject, asking me about my day with Jacob and Edward. I don't know if it's the emotional state I'm in, or the fact that Sue's gentle nature draws me in, but I end up admitting all the conflicting emotions that hampered my enjoyment today. When I tell her that I was jealous of Edward, she grips my hand across the table and tells me that I shouldn't beat myself up about it. She insists it's only a symptom of the reality that Jacob has relied on _me_ for so long. She says it's perfectly natural that I would find it hard to hand the reins over to someone else.

When I'm feeling sufficiently calm enough to drive, Sue and I start to make our way to the main entrance. We reach the bathrooms and Sue goes in while I wait in the foyer for her. Fatigue hits me, and I lean against the wall as I stare through the windows out onto the parking lot.

I hear footsteps behind me and idly turn to look. I groan inwardly when I see Carlisle walking towards me wearing a surprised expression.

Pushing away from the wall, I straighten as he approaches.

His steps slow the closer he gets, and his eyes narrow a little. I stare him down, hoping I have the strength to deal with his condescension.

"Bella," he greets me with a slight nod of his head.

I'm momentarily speechless. I didn't expect a greeting at all. In fact, I expected him to simply launch straight into his usual vitriol.

My instinct is to rebuff his civility, but I was raised better than that, so I nod my head too. However, I am no saint and if it weren't for Jacob, I probably would have taken great delight in telling him where to shove his polite greeting.

He pauses before speaking again, as if choosing his words carefully. "Alice tells me you brought your son back with you."

Strangely, I like the implication in his choice of words. _Your_ son. Not Edward's – _mine_. Hearing Jacob say that he needed Edward must have rocked me more than I realised.

"Yes, that's right," I say guardedly. "Since I don't know how long we'll be here, I couldn't leave him in Jacksonville."

_ Wait, why am I even explaining myself to him?_

"Of course. How is your father?"

"Spare me the faux concern. You made it clear the last time we spoke that you did _not_ want us bothering you."

Affront glints in his eyes. "No, I merely pointed out that your father is under the care of a different doctor – one who specialises in his condition – and that it would be _best_ for Charlie if you contacted the doctor treating him." He throws me that look of disdain that I know so well. "It seems the years haven't done anything to improve your manners."

"Just like they haven't done anything to improve your status in life. It must really get to you that after years of sucking up to Eleazar Denali, you're still here... in Forks. That condescending attitude of yours hasn't diminished any either, I see."

His face tightens. "Well, I had hoped that we could put the past behind us, seeing as you are the mother of my grandson. Assuming he is Edward's child."

"See that's it right there," I explode. "You say you want to put the past behind us but you're still up there on your high horse looking down at me – just like you always did." I take a step towards him. "Well, I'm not a naive teenager anymore, Carlisle, and I certainly won't be letting my son anywhere near you or your family if this is how we can expect to be treated. I might have lied about some things, but the paternity of my child is NOT one of them!"

After finding Edward a completely changed man, I guess it was too much to expect that Carlisle might have changed too. Like a crazy vice versa scenario, where Edward has developed a Carlisle-like shell to hide under, perhaps Carlisle could have softened and become more like Edward. I brush these crazy thoughts aside.

"I'm sure Edward will be pleased to hear that you don't intend to let him or his family see the boy," he says bitterly.

_The boy_. Who talks like that? But then when I think about the rest of his words, they confuse me. Why wouldn't Edward tell his family that he was meeting Jacob today? His family clearly know about Jacob, yet have stayed away. Surely that has to be down to Edward passing on my wishes that they leave us alone.

Sue comes out of the bathrooms, breaking up our little tete-a-tete, and the chance to question it is gone.

Sue and Carlisle exchange quick, stilted pleasantries before we leave. I can feel Carlisle's eyes boring into the back of my head as we walk away from him. Thankfully, Sue gets that I don't want to talk about it and doesn't mention it on our journey home.

I spot a black Ford parked behind Leah's car on the street as I turn into our driveway and wonder if it's maybe Edward's. Sue offers to stay as we climb the steps and though I appreciate the offer, I crave time alone with Jacob.

"Mom!" Jacob exclaims, running towards me as soon as I open the door.

His arms wind tightly around my neck, and I feel his hot breath on my skin. "Is Grandpa Charlie okay?" he asks.

I enjoy the warmth of his embrace, burying my face into his neck as I hold him tight against me. "He's sleeping for now," I explain gently. "I'll take you to see him as soon as he's up to it, okay?"

He nods, tightening his grip. "Dad's still here," he whispers.

The way I stiffen at his reference to "dad" is involuntary, and I'm glad that it doesn't seem to register with Jacob as he pulls back and smiles at me.

Gripping my hand, he leads me along the hallway. Leah is already shrugging into her jacket when I walk into the living room, and Edward is just rising from the sofa to greet us.

"How's Charlie?" Leah asks anxiously.

"I'll tell you on the way home," Sue says, glancing at Edward pointedly.

"Thank you so much for looking after Jacob," I say, while I walk Sue and Leah to the door. "I couldn't do this without you."

Leah smiles kindly at me. "I'm only too happy to help, Bella. And it's really no trouble at all, I'm getting quite attached to the little guy." She squeezes my arm. "And Edward seemed to be happy just to watch the movie with us," she adds, lowering her voice.

I sigh with relief and promise to call them later before closing the door. Turning back towards the living room, I draw in a deep breath.

"I'll go get it!" Jacob yells, hurtling through the doorway as I reach it. He pauses, turning to me. "I'm just going to get my Karate suit," he informs me, before bounding upstairs.

Edward is standing by the door watching Jacob. When he disappears into the bedroom, Edward turns to me.

"So how's your dad?"

I exhale harder than I mean to and my breath shudders as it comes out. "He has a blood clot on his lung," I tell him.

"An embolism," he says quietly.

"Yeah, how serious is that? Dr. Sharp says he can't tell me anything for forty-eight hours."

He swallows. "It depends... did he say what treatment they are giving him?"

I think back to what the doctor told me. "Um... they've sedated him and he said something about giving him something to dissolve the clot."

It's barely a flicker, but I see it and recognize it as a grimace before he can hide it.

"Is that bad?" I ask, my heart leaping into my throat.

"If they're trying to dissolve it, it means it's a large clot." He looks at me. "It's true what Dr. Sharp told you; only time will reveal the effects of the clot. But the fact that they are keeping him sedated and there haven't been any further complications is something at least."

Silence stretches between us.

"There's a Ford parked out front," I say quietly, clutching at anything to fill it with. "Is it yours?"

"No, Jasper and Alice brought it over for me," he says, and upon seeing my eyes widen, he continues. "Don't worry, they didn't come in. I met them outside. Jasper will drive me back to my car later. I didn't want to ask them to wait for me, and I thought it best if they just left me Alice's car so I can drive to their house later."

The mention of Jasper and Alice reminds me of my encounter with Carlisle earlier. "Why didn't you tell your family you were meeting Jacob today?"

He eyes me warily.

"I had the pleasure of bumping into Carlisle at the hospital," I elaborate. He looks uncomfortable as soon as I say this, and it makes me wonder about his relationship with his family. "He knew about Jacob but didn't know you were meeting him today."

He brushes his hand down his face. "You know what my relationship with him was like," he says, making eye contact with me. "It hasn't improved any."

Jacob yells downstairs that he can't find his belt, startling us both. I yell back, telling him where to find it and then turn to Edward.

His eyes are shining as he looks towards the stairs, and it's clear all thoughts of Carlisle are forgotten. "Thanks for letting me come back here with him," he says quietly. "I'm so relieved today went well."

Relaxing a little, I nod my head. "Me too, though I'm surprised just how well it's gone." A quick image of Charlie flashes through my mind. "For Jacob."

As if reading my thoughts, he takes a step towards me. "If there's anything I can do to help... you know, with Charlie..."

A lump rises in my throat. "Thanks, but we'll be fine. Leah and Sue have been great."

His head bobs a little in agreement. "What did you mean by surprised?" he eventually asks.

"I already told you how nervous Jacob was," I explain. "And...well... I didn't expect him to call you dad so quickly."

His lips curve in a soft smile and pride is clear in his eyes. "I didn't either." He studies my face for a few seconds. "Does it bother you?"

I don't admit the truth, that it does bother me a little. Instead, I shake my head and say nothing.

"I still think we need to talk," he says quietly, moving closer. "To discuss how we're going to do this."

"Do what?" I ask, my head jerking up.

"I want to be a part of Jacob's life," he says.

"What about your family? Do they want to be a part of his life?" I ask, tension seeping into my tone.

Without taking his eyes from me, he runs his fingers through his hair. His jaw tightens. "There's so many things we need to talk about. Let's just figure out what's best for the three of us before we start worrying about anyone else."

_The three of us._

I can't stand the emotion those four innocent words illicit in me. Turning away, I call up to Jacob to ask if he found his belt. Relief ripples through me when I hear him stomping back downstairs in his haste.

"What do you think?" he beams, leaping into the room theatrically.

I turn to see Edward wearing a broad grin that doesn't reach his eyes. His eyes look troubled. "It's great. I like it," he insists.

Jacob looks down, and a thoughtful look crosses his face before he looks back up at Edward. "Hey, do you think if I removed the belt the jacket would look like a chef's one... like Alfredo wore in _Ratatouille_? Maybe I could get one of those hats." He turns to me eagerly. "Do you know where we could find one? Leah said she's gonna help me cook something. I wanna cook Ratatouille."

"You do know Ratatouille is entirely made of vegetables, which you always complain about having to eat," I point out, smiling. But he's too far gone into his little fantasy to take any notice.

His eyes are bright with all the ideas running through his head, and I notice the sure signs of his next obsession coming on. The smile on Edward's face fades and turns to an expression of bewilderment.

He watches as Jacob whips off the belt and starts pulling the lapels of the jacket together. "You'd need to sew some buttons on," he muses, not even looking at me and I roll my eyes a little at Edward.

Jacob continues to mutter to himself.

"When he sees a film he really likes he tends to get like this," I say, turning to Edward when a loud knock on the door diverts my attention. Leaving Edward to listen to Jacob's incessant chatter, I go to see who it is.

Opening the door, I'm surprised to see Mike, Amy and Louise standing on the porch.

"Mike?" I say, surprised. I smile at both girls but only Louise smiles back. Amy looks as bored and disinterested as ever.

"Hey!" He beams as if I should be expecting him.

I frown, and the smile fades from his face. "You didn't get my text?" he asks meekly, his smile turning to a grimace. "I sent a text earlier to say I'd drop by with the girls, you know, to see how things went today?"

"Oh," I try to think where my cell is. "I think I switched my cell off when I got to the hospital. I must have forgotten to switch it back on."

"Hi Bella!" Louise smiles, holding out a container. "We brought some cupcakes. Does Jacob like cupcakes? Amy and I baked them specially for him."

Amy sighs in exasperation. "No, we baked them for everyone, Louise."

I look at her sweet little face, beaming with pride as she offers me the box.

"Um... sure... sorry, come in." I say, stepping aside.

"Hospital?" Mike says, concerned. The girls slip past us as Mike stops to question me. "Is everything okay?"

My lip trembles. "Charlie collapsed today... and... he..."

"Oh Bella, I'm sorry, I didn't know," he says, stepping forward and pulling me into his arms. "Is there anything I can do? If you need to go back to the hospital I'll look after Jacob."

His breath is warm in my hair as I try to pull back and reassure him that I'm okay.

"I should go."

I feel Mike stiffen at the sound of Edward's voice, and his grip loosens enough that I pull back and look at Edward.

His expression is inscrutable as he stares back at us.

"I'll just say goodbye to Jacob." He turns and stalks back into the living room.

Mike grimaces at me. "I'm sorry, this is clearly a bad time. I should've called first... I didn't expect him to come here."

I shake my head. "No, it's fine. I didn't expect him to come here either, but Jacob wanted to spend more time with him while I was at the hospital."

"Listen, I'll go get the girls and we'll leave you to it. I'll call you tomorrow."

"No, don't do that. The girls made those cupcakes, at least stay for a coffee," I insist, trying my best to smile.

Edward comes back out into the hallway.

There's an awkward silence before Mike breaks it. "I'll just go see what the kids are up to," he says, jerking his thumb in the direction of the living room.

Edward stares at him as he goes but makes no greeting of any kind. As soon as Mike is out of earshot he turns to me. "I'm based in Seattle this week, but I'll clear my schedule for next weekend. Maybe I could see Jacob again?"

His demeanour is suddenly colder and part of me prefers him this way. It's much easier to deal with his cold exterior than the thawing interior that is too much of a reminder of better times.

"Okay," I agree. "I'll call you in the week. I'll know by then how Charlie is doing."

He stares at me for a long moment, his eyes suddenly intense. Mike's laughter rings out from the living room, and I turn automatically towards it. When I turn back Edward is already half way down the porch steps.

Jacob comes to the door just as I'm closing it. "Is he gone?" he asks, crestfallen.

I rub his hair. "You'll see him again next weekend."

This appeases him. He smiles at me briefly, before his expression changes and he whispers, "How long are Mike, Amy and Louise staying?"

"Just long enough for Mike and I to have a coffee and a quick chat. Why don't you bring down a board game that you can play with the girls? And did you thank them for the cupcakes?"

He wrinkles his nose at the board game suggestion, and I playfully swat his shoulder. I clear a space on the table for the game, before inviting the girls to sit down. Jacob returns with a game and after they've set up, Mike and I retreat to the kitchen.

"So, what happened with your dad?" Mike asks, removing his jacket and throwing it over the back of the chair.

I tell him what happened at the hospital and manage not to break down. Though, a couple of times he looks like he might get up to comfort me but I wave him off both times. He reiterates his offer of help, which I appreciate but don't take him up on.

When the coffee is ready, I pour two cups and sit opposite him. "Ask me, then," I challenge lightly.

"Well, judging by the fact Edward was here, I'm guessing things went well," he responds.

"Jacob's already calling him dad," I say, sighing.

"Wow, he doesn't waste time does he?"

I recount the day to Mike, telling him how nervous Jacob was to start with and then how quickly he did a complete one-eighty. Mike punctuated my words with questions and we got through another coffee before I'd told him everything.

"So, we've established how Jacob got on today," he says, draining the last of his coffee. "How did you get on today? Was Edward okay with _you_?"

I nod, not making eye contact with him. "It was fine, besides, it's not about Edward and me."

"Sure it is," Mike insists. "If you two can't get along, how do you expect to get through this without hurting Jacob?"

"What do you mean?"

"It took a while for Jessica and I to even be civil to one another. The girls picked up on our hostility and it really hurt them. Kids aren't easily fooled, Bella," he says, raising his eyebrows. "You know that."

"I do," I admit.

"So, you two need to sort out all your differences, whether you want to or not." He finishes, staring at me pointedly.

"Well, there's a lot to sort through," I say, brushing my fingers through my hair. My shoulders sag at the thought.

"Hey," he says gently, leaning across the table. "You look exhausted. We don't have to talk about this tonight."

"Why do we have to talk about it at all?" I grouse, but then I feel immediately remorseful when I see his face fall. "I'm sorry Mike, I know you're just trying to help, but I'm feeling so overwhelmed by everything right now."

His smile is rueful, yet knowing. He sighs and stands up. "I'll get out of your hair," he says.

"Oh Mike, I hope I've not offended you," I lament, rising with him.

He turns. "Not at all, I'm aware that I can be a bit much sometimes," he says, forcing a smile. He places his hand over his heart, shooting me a mock doe-eyed look. "But my heart's in the right place."

"I know," I assure him, smiling.

He moves as if to leave the room, but then stops and turns back to me. "Listen, since your dad will still be in the hospital, why don't you and Jacob come over for dinner tomorrow? It'll save you cooking, and you can come straight from the hospital," he suggests.

"I'd like that," I say. "We'll see how things go tomorrow, but... yeah, that would be great. Thanks."

After they've gone, Jacob takes a bath while I reheat the dinner Leah left for me. After I've eaten, I go upstairs to say goodnight to Jacob. He's not in his room and when I call him, he answers from Charlie's room. Surprised, I push the door open and poke my head around it.

I gasp, shocked to see that he is holding the phone in his hand. He looks at me guiltily.

"Jacob!" I scold. "This is Grandpa Charlie's room, you know you shouldn't be in here. Who are you talking to?"

I expect him to say Edward, but he surprises me again. "I was just about to call Nana," he says, dropping the receiver back into the cradle.

"Why didn't you come downstairs and ask if you could make the call?" I ask, moving towards him.

He looks sheepish. "I just wanted to tell Nana about Adventureland..." His voice falters a little. "And Dad."

Sitting down heavily beside him, I slide my arm around his shoulder. "Did you think you couldn't talk about him in front of me?" I probe.

He nods. "I saw your face at the hospital, when I said I..." a deep crimson blush flushes his face as his voice trails off. "And when I called him dad, you didn't look happy."

"I'm just surprised that you bonded so quickly with him."

"Bonded?" he asks, his brow furrowing.

"I just mean that I thought it would be a little while before you felt that comfortable around him." He looks so uncertain as he studies my face. "But it's okay, don't feel like you have to hide how you feel from me. I'm your mom and all I want is for you to be happy, okay?"

I kiss his forehead as he leans into me. "Now go brush your teeth, it's getting late and it's been a long day."

He hurries out as I lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. I brush my hand over the comforter, and my chest tightens with thoughts of Charlie. Tears prick my eyes and I move to get up. I press my hands into the mattress to get up, and feel something smooth beneath my palm.

It's a small card and I pick it up, looking at it curiously. My heart drops like a stone when I turn it over to see that it is the card Edward gave to Jacob earlier. I rub my thumb over the embossed telephone number.

"Oh, Jacob."

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**

**Kat**


	13. Chapter 13

**Is it vain of me to say that I'm enjoying re reading this while I upload the chapters? :D**

* * *

We've been waiting for half an hour already. Jacob and I arrived at the hospital around three when they told us Charlie had just woken up and the doctors were with him. Jacob has flicked through the channels on the TV twice already but still hasn't found anything to hold his attention.

After I called the hospital this morning to find out how Charlie was doing, Jacob asked me what would happen to Charlie, so I sat him down and tried to explain it to him. He was trying so hard to be strong for me, but I could see the bewilderment flash in his eyes as I'd pulled him into my arms and hugged him tight.

Looking at him now, I can tell that he is feeling swamped by all the things that are changing in his life. It's there in the way his shoulders sag slightly while his facial expression stays the same as he stares blankly at the TV screen. He has been unusually quiet this morning and any attempts from me to draw him into conversation have been met with apathy. At times like this I wish my mom was here. I so desperately want to talk all this out with Jacob, but I'm afraid to make it worse, and she would know the right approach. She has always been my crutch in times of need, and I need her so badly right now.

A nurse appears in the doorway and calls my name. Jacob and I turn towards her, but while I stand to greet her, Jacob remains seated. She informs me that Charlie was very drowsy and only stayed awake for a few minutes. She suggests that I should come back tomorrow since he's very tired and unlikely to wake again soon.

Glancing at Jacob, I decide that it's probably best if I come back alone tomorrow. Forcing down my disappointment, I thank the nurse and then head to the reception desk. I make sure the receptionist has my cell number and ask her to add Mike's number to my file, telling her I can be contacted there if anything changes within the next few hours.

Jacob hasn't said anything about going to Mike's for dinner. He was a little miffed when I told him last night, but today I'm glad we have the distraction and he hasn't voiced any objection. Jacob gets along well with Amy, and it might do us some good to have some company while I try to figure out the best way to approach the lie he told me last night.

"We might as well head over to Mike's now," I say, trying to inject some lightness into my tone as I unlock the car.

"Can we go home first?" Jacob asks. "I promised Amy I'd bring a DVD to watch."

"Sure, but maybe we should take that board game you were playing last night and we can all play?" I suggest, thankful that he hasn't complained about going to Mike's.

We arrive at Mike's just under an hour later. He comes to the door wearing a huge grin and a yellow apron. Jacob sniggers at the apron which seems to please Mike.

"I'm still cooking," he says ruefully, opening the door wide and ushering us inside. "To be honest, I thought you'd be a little bit longer at the hospital, so I didn't start until you called."

"That's okay," I insist, smiling. I turn to Jacob. "Jacob wants to learn how to cook anyway... maybe we could help?"

Jacob looks from me to Mike and back again before wrinkling his nose and shaking his head. "I'd rather go play this game," he says, holding up the box containing his board game.

Annoyance bristles through me, but I say nothing and simply nod.

Mike calls Amy and Louise and they come downstairs to greet us before leading Jacob into the living room. Mike's house is large and homey and it's clear as he leads me through it towards the kitchen that the decor probably hasn't changed since Jessica moved out. The house definitely holds a woman's touch.

Mike asks his girls if they want to help, but receives barely a grunt in response. Along with Jacob, they are already sifting through the pile of DVD"s he brought with him... so much for bringing _one_.

I follow Mike into the kitchen.

"So... what are we cooking?" I ask with a smile.

"Seriously, you don't have to help.' He laughs. "Just sit yourself down at the breakfast bar and watch the master at work."

I laugh when he waggles his eyebrows. "Okay, so what is the master cooking?"

"Stuffed red pepper and a tomato, mozzarella and basil tart," he says, looking at me hesitantly. "Does that sound okay? I'm not used to cooking for vegetarians."

"It sounds lovely," I assure him. "And you get a bonus point for not cooking mushrooms."

"Oh?" he asks, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah. I don't know why, but for some reason everyone seems to think that all vegetarians want to eat is mushrooms. Every time I get invited for dinner it's: stuffed mushrooms, mushroom ravioli, mushroom risotto..." I trail off, laughing.

"Wow!" he grins. "You're really ungrateful, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not. I'll have you know I've eaten every one of those mushroom dishes without complaint. I'm just happy you are serving up something different."

"I'm kidding." He laughs as he opens the fridge door and pulls out a bottle of white wine. "Do you want a glass?" he asks, holding it up.

I shake my head. "No thanks. I'm driving, remember?"

"You could have one," he suggests.

"No, it's okay. I'd rather have a soft drink. Besides, I'm going to call the hospital later to see if Charlie has woken up. I haven't given up hope of seeing him tonight."

"Sure," Mike says, replacing the bottle and pulling out two cans of soda instead.

He won't let me help, so I sit at the counter eating olives from the small bowl he sat in front of me while he works. He asks me about Charlie, and since there's not much I can add to what we already discussed last night, the conversation doesn't last long before we move on to other things.

He asks me questions about my life over the last ten years. I don't fail to notice how he sticks to neutral subjects like, 'What did you do for a living?' and 'What was it like moving to the other side of the country? He doesn't ask about friends or relationships or any of the things people usually ask on that level.

When the meal is in the oven, we move into the living room and find the kids arguing over what movie to watch.

"I brought the DVD's," Jacob argues. "So I should choose which one we watch."

"The player is ours though," Amy retorts. "And this is our house, so we get to decide."

"Amy!" Mike reprimands. "Jacob is a guest in our house, and you do not speak to guests like that." He moves towards them and starts picking up the scattered DVD cases. "Apologise to Jacob," he orders.

"Sorry!" Amy hisses sulkily.

I glare at Jacob, and he rolls his eyes with a sigh. "I'm sorry too," he says grudgingly.

Mike flips through the pile of DVD's and pulls one out. He hands it to Jacob, "Will this do?" he asks and Jacob nods before Mike turns and shows it to Amy and Louise who both nod too. "Right, I'll put this one on and you can watch part of it till dinner is ready... and no more bickering!"

I give Mike a hand to set the table, and we pop our heads around the door a couple of times to check that world war three hasn't broken out. Thankfully, the truce is still in place and Mike and I retreat to the kitchen.

"So, what's up with you and Jacob?" Mike asks as soon as we are out of earshot. "I noticed the tension when you arrived. I thought maybe you were just disappointed at not seeing Charlie, but I can see he's not happy about something. Didn't he want to come over?"

"No, it's not that. It's this whole thing with Edward. I think since Jacob got on so well with him yesterday he just assumed he'd be seeing Edward all the time."

"Did he tell you that?" Mike asks, looking surprised.

"No, but he was in Charlie's room last night making a call. He claimed he was calling my mom when I asked him, but then I found Edward's card on Charlie's bed." I sigh while raking my fingers through my hair. "He was going to call Edward... and lied to me about it."

Mike turns the dial down on the oven before sitting on the stool next to me.

"And you haven't told him you know he was lying?" he asks in a way that tells me he already knows the answer. I shake my head, and he smiles. "Good."

"Good?" I ask in surprise. "How can it be a good thing that suddenly I don't know how to handle my own son's emotions?"

"It's good because you don't have to do this alone, and it would actually be better for Jacob if you didn't," he says, still smiling. I look at him incredulously as he continues. "Think about it, you have no idea how involved Edward wants to be. Heck, you don't even know how he feels about Jacob yet. How can you possibly reassure Jacob of anything when you only know your side of things?"

"Wait! You've lost me," I say, swivelling on the stool to face him. "What are you saying?"

"I think you need to talk to Edward about this before you say anything to Jacob."

"What? No! I don't need to ask his advice on anything."

"Oh, Bella, don't be so bull headed!" he says. "I've been through this...well, not this... but you know what I mean, and really the best thing for Jacob is for both his parents to be singing from the same hymn sheet. Trust me!"

"So I just call Edward up and say, 'Hey guess what? I'm having trouble with Jacob. How'd you like to help me out with that?'"

Mike moves to get up. "Look, I'm sorry... it's really none of my business. I just thought I'd offer you some friendly advice."

I grab his arm. "I'm sorry, Mike. I appreciate your help, I really do. I could use someone to talk to about this."

He stands up, and for a moment I think I've offended him, but then he turns round and his eyes are kind, yet probing. "Why are you afraid of him?"

The question surprises me. "Edward? I'm not afraid of him. I just don't know if I can trust him, and I really think that confiding in him that Jacob is lying to me about trying to contact him would be akin to digging my own grave."

He looks at me thoughtfully for a moment. "I can only give you my opinion, Bella, and you know that I'm not entirely neutral on this. Are you sure you want it?"

"All I want is your honesty," I confirm.

After checking the oven quickly, he leans on the counter opposite me. "Okay. So, you told me that he said he wouldn't take this to court as long as you allowed him access to Jacob, right?"

"Well his words were that he wouldn't turn this into a tug of war, but I guess it amounts to the same thing."

"And do you trust him to keep his word?"

Yesterday, there were moments when I saw an Edward I felt I could trust, but I can't push the memory of how angry he was when he first showed up outside the house out of my head. Then there was the way he spoke to James on the phone. There is a side of Edward that I don't know, and that's what makes it so hard to let go of my fears and make an informed decision.

"I'm not sure, Mike. I really don't know him anymore."

He looks at me ruefully. "You're gonna have to get to know him then," he says insistently.

We both jump when the oven pings. Mike chuckles. "Let's get this served up and after dinner we'll play that game with the kids..." He looks at me pointedly. "... and if you still want to, we'll talk some more, okay?"

I nod. In the absence of my mom, I'm glad that I have Mike to confide in. It strikes me that aside from Alice, Mike is the only other true friend I've ever had. Outside of Edward, but that relationship was so fraught and brief I'm not sure it even counts.

During the meal... and even the game afterwards, I notice that Jacob is still tense. The more the evening wears on, the more convinced I become that Mike is right. I need to speak to Edward as soon as I can so that I can give Jacob a clear idea of what his future holds.

Mike insists that the kids help with the washing up and afterwards he lets them watch the rest of the DVD they started earlier. I call the hospital while he makes some coffee, but they tell me Charlie hasn't woken up again so it seems I won't be seeing him tonight.

I come back into the kitchen to find Mike sitting at the table, waiting for me with two cups of coffee in front of him. He looks pensive for a moment, but when I sit down he seems to shake it off and asks me what they said about Charlie.

"I don't know how you're coping," he says quietly. "You have so much going on around you and yet you haven't buckled under the pressure."

"I'm only coping because I have friends like you, Leah and Sue. Honestly, when I was coming back here I didn't know what to expect. In many ways it has been so much better than I thought it would... but in others it's so much harder."

"Have you thought about what I said... about talking this through with Edward?" he asks gently, his eyes probing mine.

Every time he mentions it I feel a twisting in my gut... like dread, but there's something else there too. It's like the feeling of standing on the edge of a cliff – dreading the plunge, terrified about what will happen when you hit the water – and yet, somehow, still wanting to do it. My heart wants to jump but my head is dreading it.

"What if I trust him and he uses it against me?" I say. "If I tell him that Jacob wants to be with him so much that he's lying to me about it, it might give Edward the impetus to take him from me."

"Bella, it's not like he can just decide he wants Jacob, hire a fancy lawyer and take him. It's much more complicated than that. You've raised Jacob alone for ten years, and it looks to me like you've done a pretty good job of it. Now, unless you have some pretty big skeletons in your closet, that will be a big consideration."

"Did you and Jessica go through the courts?" I ask, then seeing the sadness pass across his expression, I quickly add, "I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that."

"No, no... I want to," he admits sadly. "No, it didn't come to that in the end, but it was all very bitter for a while. We were far too young when we got married and I knew within the first couple of years she was really unhappy. We argued all the time, she was always complaining about this town. Nothing ever made her happy – not even the girls." He stops and looks over his shoulder as if afraid they might appear in the doorway.

Taking a quick sip of coffee, he continues. "When she found out she was pregnant with Louise she was devastated. I think she saw it as the final nail in her coffin." He looks up and snorts mirthlessly. "She was stuck here in Forks... with me."

"Mike, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked," I say, touching his arm.

He shakes his head. "She was the love of my life. I mean, I know she was a complete bitch and all..." This time he does smile. "But when we were together she was different... well, for a while. When she said she wanted to go to college, I was delighted. I thought maybe it would give her something for herself and she'd be happy again."

"And was she?"

His head bobs slowly. His eyes are fixed and he's thoroughly entrenched in his memories. "Yes, but she started coming home less and less and to cut a long story short, she just called one day and said she wouldn't be coming back."

My gasp is too loud in the quiet of the kitchen. "She didn't come home at all?"

"I hadn't even noticed that every time she came back, she took more things away with her. She left me in increments, and I didn't even notice. But it was the girls she hurt the most... for a while I thought I hated her for that." He looks up from his coffee cup and into my eyes. "And sometimes I still do, but for the girls sake I had to find a way around that. I had to learn to trust her again, because when all was said and done, those two girls love her and I don't want to be the person who deprives them of the right to love and be loved by their mother. And now I'm in a place where I am genuinely thankful that she gave me those two girls and let me keep them."

His voice is so sad. I've never admired him more than I do right now, he's been all the things I haven't: strong, pragmatic and forgiving.

"But, she came back for them one day?" I ask.

"When she finished college and got a job she decided she was ready to be a mom again. At first I was furious, I mean, who the hell did she think she was? But I came to realise she wasn't a bad mother... she just wasn't cut out to be a good one, you know? There's a difference between being a bad mom and just not being a good mom. You go into any bookstore and the shelves are stacked with books written by people who have suffered the most unimaginable cruelty from their own parents..." His tone is sickened as his voice trails off.

"Jess wasn't a monster for what she did. Sure, she didn't go about it in the best way, but she did what was right for her. She was unhappy, she was making me and the girls unhappy too and by leaving, she actually did what was best for all of us." He drains his coffee and asks me if I want more. I look down to find mine lukewarm and untouched. I decline.

"What happened when she came back?" I ask, keen to know how they managed to get through it all and get to a place where it all worked for them.

"After months of threats and arguments, I couldn't take it anymore. I went to see her in DC and basically laid all my cards on the table. I told her how scared I was that she'd take my girls away from me. We were more honest with each other that day than we'd ever been. She knew the girls were happy with me and all she wanted was to make it up to them. But her guilt was born of the social pressures that society puts on women to keep their kids with them. I think she's a better person for admitting that she makes a better part-time mom than a full-time one. That took real courage.

"Of course, now all she wants to do is make it up to them, but I don't know if she ever can. She'll have her own battles with them when they are old enough to really think about what she did. But for the time being she's a positive part of their life, and I'm happy that they have that."

I sit back in the chair and stare at him. "Right now, I think you're the most amazing person I've ever met," I say, and then his nervous chuckle makes me laugh. "I'm being serious, you've handled all this with courage; courage I wish I possessed."

His cheeks glow just a little pinker as he stands up. "Yeah, well, nobody else seems to think so."

The loneliness in his tone isn't hard to spot. "Mike, stop me if I'm being too personal here, but... has there been anyone else... since Jessica?"

I follow him to the sink and hand him my cup. We both watch the coffee swirl down the drain.

"Not really," he says. "I've had a few dates here and there, but to be honest, between the business, the girls, and my parents, I have a pretty full life." He is trying to inject humor into his tone, but it's not working.

"You still need something for you... _someone_ for you," I say gently.

"You know, I thought that too," he says a little too brightly. "But, the more I look for someone the more I'm convinced I should just be content with my lot. It's a scary world out there filled with all kinds of crazy people."

"You talking from experience?" I can't help but ask.

He nods grimly, but then smiles. "I've dated a few single moms. I figured we'd at least have something in common. For the last couple of months I've been out on a few dates with this one woman, her boy is in Louise's grade. At first it was nice, but the more I get to know her the crazier she seems. I tried to cool it off but..." He breaks off shaking his head and laughing lightly. "...the more I back off the keener she becomes. I mean, I check Amy's rabbit every day, because one of these days I'm convinced I'm gonna find it in a pot on the stove."

"Come on Mike, she can't be that bad. Who is she?" I laugh.

"I'm telling you." He grins. "She just won't take no for an answer. She shows up here all the time, and she comes to the store – every time I see red hair these days I get the urge to run."

"What was that I was saying earlier about you being courageous?" I tease. "You really just need to sit her down and tell her you're not interested."

He folds his arms across his chest and regards me. "Okay, I'll risk the life of my daughter's pet bunny... if you'll call Edward and arrange to meet him... alone."

His voice is light, but there is a challenge in his eyes.

"Why does this mean so much to you?" I ask, my mouth suddenly dry at the thought of everything that Edward and I need to talk about.

"I can see how miserable you are," he responds softly. "And it reminds me of the last time I saw you, that day we said goodbye." His eyes are downcast, his voice wistful. "If I'd known you were planning to leave, I never would have done that, Bella. "

The memory of that day is hazy. The way Mike has treated me since I came back has been a painful reminder of how much I took him for granted in the past. Mike was always a good friend to me, looking out for me. Even when things soured between Jessica and I, he didn't let it influence his opinion of me. Of course, in the end Jessica forced him to choose: his relationship with her or his friendship with me.

We'd met at the diner that morning, it was a day or so before I left Forks. I can't recall much of the conversation, because at that point I was out of my mind with the knowledge that I was leaving – that I'd never see Edward again. Mike had explained about Jessica's ultimatum. He was really torn, and the one thing I can recall with perfect clarity was his misery at having to make the choice. He kept apologising for adding his name to the list of people who were letting me down.

Knowing I was leaving town had made it easy for me to be magnanimous, and I had simply thanked him for his honesty. He'd pulled me into his arms outside the diner and whispered apologies in my ear. I was numb to rejection by then. Perhaps if things had been different I would have hated him for it. However, time and experience have given me a better perspective, and I actually respect Mike for sticking by his girlfriend. He fought for the person he loved. _He_ at least had the courage to make his decision.

He clears his throat a little. "I was supposed to be your friend but I bailed on you, just like everyone else."

"No you didn't," I insist. "You were in love with Jessica. She asked you to prove that and you did. I could never hold that against you, Mike. I admire you for it." The conversation is becoming too intense for me and I decide to lighten it. "You were so clingy though, when you hugged me in the parking lot, I thought you were never gonna let go!"

His smile is broad, and his relief is as palpable as mine. "Yeah, well, if it hadn't been raining maybe I wouldn't have... you know how I hate to get my hair wet."

I smirk at him. "You don't have so much hair to get wet these days though, do you?"

"Low blow, Swan." He chuckles, but his mirth doesn't last long. "Seriously, I want to be a better friend to you this time round."

"You have always been a great friend Mike and you still are. I took you for granted back then, but I won't make that mistake again. This time_ I'm_ going to be a better friend to _you_."

"So you'll take my advice and contact Edward?"

A thought suddenly occurs to me and makes me laugh. "How come he's Edward all of a sudden? Up till now you've always referred to him as Cullen."

He shrugs. "I guess I've just been thinking about this from his point of view, and I can actually relate to him a little, like he's almost human. Sure he was angry when he first came back, but it seems to me that he's done everything you've asked. He's followed your lead and hasn't involved his family. That tells me he's pretty serious about having a shot at building a good relationship with Jacob. I can relate to that."

I digest his words and realise that he's right – he is more in tune with the dynamics of these situations than Edward and I are. "Jessica was a fool to leave you," I say quietly.

He shakes his head. "No, she wasn't. She wasn't happy. She did the right thing and we've all benefited from it. If she'd stayed, she would have passed all her bitterness and resentment on to the girls, and we would've all been miserable."

"I really hope Edward and I can do this," I admit. "I want to be free of all this baggage and just concentrate on coming to some sort of compromise that we can all live with."

Mike shoots me a smile that is reminiscent of a proud parent. "Call him," he urges.

"Now?" I gasp.

"Sure, no point putting it off. Besides, I can go in and sit with the kids and make sure Jacob doesn't wander in mid conversation," he states.

"No... no, I don't know what to say. I have to think about this first. I can't just..."

Mike grips my shoulders and stares pointedly into my eyes. "Do NOT over think it Bella, just do it."

He stalks across the room and lifts the phone from its cradle before coming back and pressing it into my palm. I watch as he leaves and then stare down at the phone for a long, interminable moment as if it might grow teeth and bite me.

Retrieving my purse from the hallway, I pull out Edward's card and run my thumb over the numbers I need to dial. I get to six digits and stop, then I get to seven before I hit the disconnect button. Glancing at the clock, I'm aware that with Mike in the living room, Jacob will be wondering what I'm doing.

With this in mind, I dial the full number and clench my eyes shut as the ringtone chimes in my ear. I'm just about to hang up when he answers.

"Cullen."

I roll my eyes at his brusque greeting. Taking a deep breath, I find my voice. "Edward, it's Bella."

"Bella?" He sounds surprised.

"Yeah, I'm sorry for calling out of the blue but–"

"Is everything okay?" he asks, cutting me off. "Is it Charlie?"

"No! No, I... I just need...we need..." I clench my teeth and will myself to focus. "I think we need to talk about things... about how we are going to work this out." I could kill myself right now for not thinking this through, I'm not even making sense.

"Bella." His voice is quiet almost a whisper. "Can you give me a couple of minutes? I'm not alone."

"Sure," I say, far more brightly than I feel.

The line goes silent, and I make evil faces at the phone while mouthing obscenities. I'm going to kill Mike as soon as this ordeal is over with.

_Oh shit_! He could be on a date for all I know. My heart rate picks up as I start to worry that I'm suddenly the annoying ex encroaching on the new conquest. I need to get a grip, I don't even qualify as an ex; I'm merely the mother of his child.

_Merely the mother of his child? Fuck! This whole situation is just beyond categorization._

"Sorry about that."

His voice snaps me out of my inexplicable regression into teenage irrationalities.

"When do you want to meet?" he asks.

"As soon as possible," I blurt.

"Is there a problem?"

I detect genuine concern in his tone.

"It's not really a problem. I just think we need to talk about the future, about... um... how you're going to fit into Jacob's life."

The line is silent, and I wrack my brains trying to think of something to fill it with, but come up blank.

"I'd like that," he says suddenly, his tone unnervingly warm. "I could come by tomorrow morning; maybe we can take Jacob to school together?"

I wasn't expecting this level of eagerness from him. "Don't you have work?"

"Let me worry about the logistics. If you say yes... I'll be there."

I close my eyes against the sudden memory those words bring. He told me once before he'd be there for me. He wasn't.

But this isn't about me.

"Yes," I whisper.

"Thank you."

Inexplicably, tears form in my eyes. "We leave at eight," I choke out and hit the disconnect button before he can draw me in any further.

I know without doubt that this time he won't let me down, because this time it's not about me.

I take a few minutes to compose myself before dabbing my eyes and replacing the receiver. I stop briefly in the hallway to check my appearance in the mirror, and finally satisfied that I don't look like a complete train wreck, I step into the living room.

Jacob's eyes meet mine instantly and his eyebrows rise. I guess I don't look as normal as I thought I did.

"Are you enjoying the movie?" I ask.

He nods but his eyes stay fixed on mine. "It doesn't have long to go," he informs me.

I manage a smile.

He turns towards the screen, and I sit on the sofa beside Mike.

"How'd it go?" he whispers.

I lean closer and tell him that Edward will be coming by to take Jacob to school with me in the morning. This seems to please Mike as he nods approvingly. We stay silent for the rest of the movie, both lost in thought. We don't get a chance to discuss it but this doesn't seem to worry Mike and I eventually recognise it for what it is. We are friends, and he probably expects me to call him tomorrow to fill in the blanks. And for once, I intend to live up to my side of our friendship.

An hour later I tuck Jacob into bed.

"Did you enjoy yourself this evening?" I ask as he snuggles into the pillow.

"I guess." He shrugs.

I brush my hand over his shoulder. "I want to ask you something, Jacob, and I want you to be completely honest with me when you answer. Okay?"

Dubiety shines in his eyes, but he nods anyway.

"Last night you weren't really calling Nana Renee were you?" I probe subtly.

His lip trembles, and he shakes his head fleetingly.

"Do you want to tell me who you were really calling?"

Again he shakes his head.

"Am I allowed to guess?" I ask.

His head remains still.

"It's okay, Jacob. I'm not angry with you. I'm just sad that you felt you couldn't tell me, and that's my fault. Do you understand that?"

A lone tear spills from his eye, and at that moment I imagine there is a crack in my heart that splits to the same pattern that that tear forms as it rolls down his cheek. I open my arms, and he leaps into them in the blink of an eye.

"I didn't mean to lie," he wails.

"Shhhh," I soothe. "It's okay, I understand." I smooth my hand over his soft hair. "Honestly, sweetie, you can tell me anything. We're in this together." I pull back and tilt his chin up. "I love you so much. All I want is for you to be happy and I'll do anything to make that happen."

He blinks at me as more tears fall from his eyes. "I know you don't like him, but I do," he admits, and the guilt in his tone cuts me in two. "He was nice... I just wanted to ask him if he was coming back."

I grip his head in my hands, brushing his tears away with my thumbs. "Listen to me Jacob. This is a difficult situation, but I don't want you to think that I don't like your dad... I do... it's just ... it's hard for me to explain. The one thing that I can absolutely guarantee you is that I want you to be happy. If seeing your dad makes you happy, then I won't stand in the way of that. In fact, I have some good news for you."

"Oh?" His eyes glitter as he stares at me.

I nod. "I spoke to Edward tonight. He's coming by in the morning because he wants to come with us when I take you to school."

As if his brain is on a delayed timer he stares at me momentarily before my words register on his face and his expression brightens. "Really?"

"Really," I confirm.

He sags back against the pillows, his face blissful. "I love you, Mom," he says with a shuddering sigh.

I leave his room, relieved that he is happy, but also hoping that Mike is right in that Edward deserves to be trusted.

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**

**Kat**


	14. Chapter 14

I'm awoken by Jacob rummaging around in the drawers in the morning. My fingers flutter across the nightstand until I find the lamp and switch it on.

"What are you looking for?" I ask, rubbing my bleary eyes.

"My clothes," he replies, as if I'm an idiot.

I squint at the alarm. It's four a.m. "Jacob, I left your clothes hanging on the back of the door," I point out. "Besides, it's four a.m. It's not time to get up yet."

"Oh," he mutters, sliding the door closed with a soft click. "I thought I heard the alarm."

"No, you didn't... get back into bed."

He slips beneath the covers, and I hear him toss and turn for a while before I drift back to sleep. When the alarm goes off for real, he is fast asleep.

I slip out of the room and go downstairs to call the hospital. The news that Charlie woke up during the night and was lucid for a while fills me with hope. I can't wait to see him this afternoon.

While making Jacob's packed lunch, the glow from the news about Charlie extends to the thought of how much it will please Jacob to have Edward accompany him to school. His excitement is palpable, as evidenced by his early rise this morning. The thought of discussing things with Edward is daunting, but Jacob's exuberance makes it at least palatable.

It's barely seven when a sharp knock at the door startles me. I open it to find Edward looming on the porch.

"Morning," he says brightly.

_Shit! I'm not even dressed yet._

Stepping a little farther behind the door, I glance at my watch. "You're early." I point out unnecessarily.

"Sorry, I was intending to bring breakfast," he explains. "But I forgot this isn't Seattle. It's not easy to get a good takeout breakfast in Forks," he adds ruefully.

I stay behind the door as I pull it open farther. "Come in," I say.

He smiles and steps inside. I instruct him to go into the living room, before bolting upstairs to get dressed. I give Jacob a quick shake and tell him Edward is here. He leaps out of bed and grabs his clothes while I go into the bathroom to get changed. By the time I come out I can hear Jacob's voice drifting up from downstairs.

When I join them in the kitchen, Edward is sitting in the chair by the window and Jacob is sloshing milk into a bowl of cereal. They both turn to look at me, and the resemblance between them stops me in my tracks. They are both wearing the same expectant expression, though there is a slight frisson of hesitancy in Jacob's eyes. I smile at him reassuringly – the last thing I want to do is rain on his parade.

"Coffee?" I ask Edward as pleasantly as I can.

Jacob beams at me then goes back to pouring milk all over the place. I point down at the table and toss him a cloth when he looks down at it and frowns. Edward lifts the bowl while Jacob cleans up the spillage, and the smiles they exchange completely melt my heart.

Edward asks Jacob questions about school, and I have to remind Jacob more than once not to talk with his mouth full. I rest my hip against the counter, cupping my mug in both hands and watch their interaction. Seeing Jacob positively glow with pleasure makes me glad that I heeded Mike's advice.

Eventually it's time to go. Jacob scoots upstairs to get his shoes and bag, and I grab my car keys from the hook. Edward stands up, and I feel his presence behind me. I don't know if it's the setting, but having him here in this house is unsettling – he seems too big for it – too much of a presence.

"He seems to be excited about school," Edward says.

I turn to face him. "I think that's more to do with you being here than how he feels about school," I tell him.

"I appreciate you letting me do this," he says with a small smile.

"It's what he wants," I admit.

"But not what you want?" he questions, his eyes darkening slightly as his smile fades.

"I didn't say that. Let's just get him to school. Then we'll talk."

I know I'm being brusque, but the timbre of his voice, coupled with the sheer reverence he and Jacob are displaying towards each other has me all at sea. I need to hold something back, until I know that his intentions match his words.

Outside, Jacob complains that we are going in my car and not the shiny black Vanquish parked on the street. Edward explains that it only has two seats, and Jacob nods in understanding. He climbs into the back while Edward slides into the passenger seat, and again I'm struck by how all- encompassing his presence seems.

The hustle and bustle outside the school isn't unusual, but today it is intimidating. I know that as soon as Edward and I get out of the car with Jacob there will be eyes widening in glee at the prospect of their next feeding frenzy.

Jacob practically leaps out of the car and bounces on the balls of his feet as he waits for Edward to get out. My heart is full to brimming with the sheer guilt I am feeling. This is probably one of the biggest moments in Jacob's life, and I deprived him of it for far too long. As Edward gets out of the car I notice for the first time that he is dressed casually. Thankfully, he doesn't look totally out of place.

He is wearing jeans... jeans that look like they were tailored they fit so well. The charcoal T-shirt he is wearing clings to his gym-hardened body. I don't remember him looking this sculpted before – and given the setting – I'm not entirely comfortable to notice it now. My eyes roam upwards and connect with his... he grins.

In keeping with my current vein of luck, Jacob decides to choose today to have us walk him all the way to the entrance. It takes effort for me to keep my composure walking next to Edward – I just don't feel as though I fit next to him, but Jacob has taken to it so easily. Then again, Jacob is his flesh and blood, and I am not. The one thing that makes this all worthwhile is Jacob's emphatic smile as he waves to us before disappearing through the school doors.

Edward turns to me with the most endearing smile that is almost a perfect match to Jacob's. "Thank you." He breathes out on a long, slow breath. "I appreciate you letting me share this."

I stare at him for a long moment. Suddenly he is _my_ Edward again and all that I once hoped he'd be. I'm at a loss for words. If I dare to speak, I know I'll blurt out something that could ruin everything, so instead I say nothing. I turn towards the car, ignoring the curious glances from the congregated parents.

I look up to watch Edward as I open the car door, but instead, my eyes connect with the bright read of Victoria's hair. Mike's admission from last night comes back to me, and just as my mouth falls open... so does hers.

She gapes at Edward with undisguised shock. I can almost see the cogs of her memory moving as her eyes flick to mine. Turning my attention back to Edward, my last thought is that I hope her child is not in Jacob's grade.

"Where shall we go?"Edward asks. He stands beside the passenger door and waits for me to unlock the car.

"My house is as good a place as any," I say.

The atmosphere between us is thick with anticipation during the drive, but neither of us breaks the silence. My heart is hammering in my chest as I open the door and allow him to follow me inside. I can't help but recall that we've only been in a house alone together on one other occasion.

"Coffee?" I suggest, not wanting to expand on that memory.

He shakes his head. "No thank you."

I move into the living room and sit down in Charlie's chair. Edward takes the couch. He sits on the edge of it, elbows resting on his knees, hands clasped in front of him. He looks at me.

"So," he begins with an air of authority that rankles a little. "What prompted you to call me last night?"

_Mike_. I decide it might not be the best opener to admit that. "Jacob," I say, simply.

He stares at me long and hard, as if warring with himself before he speaks. "You've done a great job with him, Bella, he's... amazing."

"Thank you," I croak, feeling an odd mix of pride and sadness at his praise.

His eyes bore into mine, and the room seems to shrink around us. Even if my last breath depended on it, I couldn't wrench my gaze away from his.

But I have to.

I swallow hard. "Jacob wants you," I inform him. "And I guess I called you because I need to know how involved you want to be."

"As involved as any father," he counters.

"So how do we do this when you are living in Seattle and Jacob and I are living in Florida?

His eyes widen momentarily. "I thought you were settling here," he says.

I shake my head. "We are going back to Jacksonville."

"When?"

I raise my eyebrows at him.

"Oh!" he says with apparent comprehension.

"We need to figure out a schedule that will work for Jacob," I say.

His jaw twitches as if he is gritting his teeth. "It meant so much to me today to take him to school... I don't want to be a post script in his life."

"But you run a successful business," I point out. "And you already told me you work seven days a week." There's a flash of the memory of Edward's angry expression while talking to his employee on the phone – I couldn't imagine what I would do if he ever looked at or spoke to Jacob like that. "I heard you talking to James on the phone. You're clearly very driven... even to the point of foregoing common decency."

At first his eyebrows shoot up, but then he smirks, and it irritates me. "You don't get anywhere in business by being a pussy, Bella."

"That poor man, he was doing his job and you were so cruel," I accuse.

He laughs loudly. "Trust me, Bella, if you knew James, you'd never use his name and the words 'that poor man' in the same sentence." His smile fades. "But we're not here to talk about James."

I stare at him, shaking my head.

"What?" he asks, catching my expression.

"I never realized it before, but you can be such a cold-hearted bastard when you want to be – can't you?"

His lips press together, forming a thin line before he spits out. "I wondered how long it would take for the mudslinging to start."

"It's not mudslinging. I'm just trying to figure you out, Edward. I've already witnessed your temper first hand, and I can't say I care for your callousness either" I tell him. 'I don't know you anymore, and I'm not really sure I ever did."

"I don't see how any of this is relevant," he snaps.

"Of course it's relevant. If you're going to be a part of Jacob's life, then I need to know that I can trust you not to be any of those things in front of him," I insist.

His expression remains tight, and a glint of anger flashes in his eyes before he answers. "You _can_ trust me."

"I'd rather wait and let your actions prove that,' I say bitterly. 'I trusted you once before..."

The glint flares. "I know I let you down,' he admits, his words clipped and controlled. 'But I won't let Jacob down."

"How can I believe you?" I ask incredulously. "Every fucking promise you've made to me you broke!"

He stands up abruptly and stalks to the window. "I meant every word I said to you, Bella – but things changed. It all got out of hand so quickly and I made snap decisions that I _thought_ were for the best."

"Best for you," I accuse.

He whirls round and glares at me. "No, it wasn't! You weren't the only one I'd made promises to. I stood up in a fucking church and made promises to Irina, promises I'd already broken, but when she told me she was pregnant what was I supposed to do?" He takes a few steps towards me but stops when he's half way across the room. "I didn't lie to you, Bella. I meant every word, but I just couldn't leave her... she begged me to give our marriage another chance for the baby's sake." His voice catches. "I couldn't walk away from my responsibilities. I'd made my bed."

"You make yourself sound so noble," I snort, unable to dampen my bitterness.

"Believe me, I know how far from noble I was."

"You didn't even care how I was coping with it all," I say sadly. "When Jessica told everyone, I tried to call you that day... about a hundred times. I left messages but you wouldn't answer. You bought that phone so I could call you, I was the only one who had the number, so you knew it was me, yet you still didn't answer. How could you just cut me off like that?"

There was nothing about that time that could be more painful than the memory of endlessly dialling his cell phone, and each time being switched to voicemail. The stares and whispers of other students and teachers at school, the disapproving silence from my dad, none of that cut so deep as to be stonewalled. In some ways, it was like he never existed. I couldn't see him, I couldn't talk to him – he had absolutely eradicated me from his existence.

He rubs a hand down his face, stopping at his mouth. I watch as he grips his lower lip between his thumb and forefinger and a storm of emotions plays out in his eyes. "Irina found the phone – she smashed it right away," he explains, his voice barely audible. "I wanted to come to you but it was crazy at home, everybody screaming at each other–"

"You had two months to contact me, Edward."

I bite my lip hard in an effort not to cry, but tears are already stinging my eyes and the vision of him standing in front of me is starting to swim.

"I'm not ready to do this with you," I mutter, closing my eyes. "We're supposed to be making arrangements for Jacob... this isn't achieving anything."

"Bella–"

_No. This hurts too much._

I cut him off with a look and say, "So let's talk details... this is about Jacob."

His harsh sigh punctuates the silence between us.

"If it's okay with you, I'd like to see him every weekend... for now," he says quietly. "Maybe I could take him to Seattle one weekend to give you a break."

My eyes dart to his face. "No!"

His head snaps up, his eyes hardening a little.

I suck in a deep breath. "I think the first time he goes to Seattle I should be there too. This is all new to him, and I want to make sure he'll be okay."

"I wouldn't let anything bad happen to him, Bella," he says, his tone indicating he is offended. "But if you think he'd settle better with you there, then you are more than welcome to join him."

"I'm not suggesting you would let him come to harm. I just don't know what your living arrangements are." I hesitate a little before continuing. "Are you involved with someone?" I ask quietly.

"Does it matter?" he asks, without giving any outward sign one way or another.

"It might to Jacob. He's dealing with a lot right now, and I think he needs a little stability. So introducing him to a string of girlfriends might not be a good idea."

He chuckles darkly. "Okay, no introductions. And just to be clear, I live alone, so if you two come to stay there will be plenty of room."

"I never said we'd be staying with you," I protest, my voice rising with incredulity. "I'm sure we could stay in a hotel."

"Whatever you want," he says sighing in obvious irritation. "Right now I'd much rather concentrate on the immediate arrangements." He stops and looks at me as if waiting for me to speak, but when I don't, he starts again. "Ideally, I'd like to spend as much time with him as I can while you're still here." He leans forward and rubs a hand through his hair and frowns. "When you go back to Florida, I'll hardly see him," he says quietly. "I've missed so much already. I don't want to miss any more of his life."

Despite the lingering feelings of hurt and guilt that almost overwhelm me, and I can't find the words to express how deeply sorry I am. For the things I took from him... from both of them... things that I can never give back. I stare across the room at him and his eyes meet mine.

"Tell me about him." His voice is so quiet... it's barely a whisper.

"I can't," I manage to say around the lump in my throat. "I don't want to rub salt in your wounds."

He shakes his head, his eyes never leaving mine. "You won't. Please, I want to know everything. Do you have photographs?"

"I've already asked my mom to send some of the albums out. Jacob would love to go through them with you."

He asks me question after question, and sometimes I struggle with the answers, especially when he asks what he was like as a baby. I'm reminded of the fact that his baby daughter died, and I try to temper my responses... but he won't have it, he urges me to describe what he looked like, how old he was when he started to walk, what his first words were. It seems his thirst for this knowledge is unquenchable.

"What was the birth like?" he asks, surprising me.

I recall how I cried for Edward all the way through it... it was probably the drugs they gave me. My mom cried with me, and for the first few months of Jacob's life she urged me to call Edward. Sitting with Edward now, witnessing his grief at missing out – I wish I'd taken her advice.

"My mom was with me," I tell him.

He nods with a sad smile. "Did you ever think about me?" he asks.

I swallow hard, but he doesn't wait for a response.

"I get why you didn't tell me at first. I guess I deserved it, but over time, didn't you think I'd want to know? That I deserved to know I had a son?"A slight tinge of anger creeps into his tone.

"You left Forks with Irina to start a new life. I've always believed that you two had a family and were happy together. I almost ruined your marriage once, I really had no desire to come back and finish the job."

He blanches a little. "You should still have told me." His jaw sets rigidly, and I watch the soft bounce of the muscle that works beneath his skin. "Even if my marriage hadn't ended and we had kids, Jacob and I still deserved the chance to know each other."

"Jacob wouldn't have been welcomed with open arms by anyone but you," I say. "I didn't want him to end up paying for our mistakes."

He turns away and nods his head as if in agreement, but he doesn't speak. His gaze remains fixed on some random point outside the window and in the few moments that pass before he speaks, the tension dissolves. "There's nothing easy about this, Bella. I assumed you'd moved here permanently, but if you're moving back to the other side of the country... that changes things."

"You can still see him. You travel a lot with work, right? Maybe you could visit him in Florida and eventually he can come and see you. There's all sorts of ways to keep in contact these days–"

His head whips round and his eyes pierce mine. "A couple of visits a year and the odd Skype call hardly constitute a good father/son relationship," he says harshly.

"What do you expect me to do, Edward?" I ask, irritated by the increasing anger evident in his demeanor. "We live in Florida, it's not like I can bring him to you, or you can come pick him up every other weekend. We just have to make the best of it."

His hard eyes still hold mine. "I thought you might consider moving back here. Jacob seems to be settling in okay."

My mouth pops open. _Of all the arrogant... _"I'm not going to uproot my life to come back here, Edward. There's nothing for me in Forks anymore." I bite the words out as my heart starts to pound at the thought that sooner rather than later that will be true.

"What about Mike?"

I stare at him, confused. "What does Mike have to do with anything?" I ask incredulously.

"You seem to be spending a lot of time with him. Isn't that where you called from last night? I just figured he'd be a reason for you to stay."

The venom in his words shocks me. "I don't see how it's any of your business who I spend time with... or where I'm calling from for that matter," I say, standing up.

"It is my business when it concerns my son!" His voice is louder, and my hands ball into fists as my own anger rises. "Any relationships you have will impact on him." He glares at me.

My voice is low as I fight to control my temper. "Every decision I've ever made in the last ten years has been with Jacob in mind. Do _not_ suggest to me that I'm unaware of how my actions might affect him."

We stare at each other while the air seems to crackle around us. All I can hear are the sounds of our breathing. A muscle twitches in his jaw and my eyes are drawn down to it. He swallows and I watch his Adam's apple bob.

Wrenching my eyes away from him, I force myself to calm down. "You know, you actually owe Mike a debt of gratitude," I tell him.

His face contorts as his mouth twists into a sneer. "Why would I owe _him_ anything?"

"He is the one who encouraged me to call you last night... to set this meeting up. He is the one making me see this from your perspective," I stare at him as his features harden. "I guess you could say he's fighting your corner," I add for good measure, even though I know I shouldn't antagonise him deliberately.

"I don't need anyone to fight my battles for me," he says coldly.

"Yeah? From what I remember you're used to having your whole family fight your battles. I should know; I was on the receiving end of it!" I shout, the last shred of my control snapping. I turn away and storm to the kitchen.

I lean both hands on the counter, my head dropping as I try to calm down. The sudden contact of his hand on my shoulder makes me jump. I wasn't even aware that he'd followed me. Straightening, I turn to face him. His hand stays warm and heavy on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he says. "You have every right to be angry with me. Hell, I've spent this whole time being angry with myself." He sucks air in between his teeth and shakes his head a little. "I'm just having a hard time seeing where I'll fit into Jacob's life. Is there someone in Florida?" he asks, surprising me yet again. "Does he already have a father figure in his life?"

I look up at him and see the last traces of his anger melting away.

"No, there's nobody in Florida." My words are stilted.

I become aware of his breathing as he stares down at me with a look of regret and hesitance darkening his eyes.

"I just can't figure you out, Edward," I admit quietly. "One minute you're..." _Just like I remembe_r are words that I can't bring myself to say. "...the next you're so hostile and angry."

"I know." He nods. "I'm trying, Bella." He removes his hand from my shoulder and slides it into his hair. He closes his eyes briefly, and when he reopens them they are filled with an emotion I don't recognize. "I want this so much, Bella."

My eyes close of their own volition as memories assail me. Whispered promises as he moved inside me. The love I'd felt so sure of that I believed every one of those promises. The sheer joy of loving him that froze into the utter despair of losing him.

"I'm sorry for making all the wrong choices and leaving you to cope alone.'

"Then why did you?" I can't hold back the question.

"I took the advice of people who didn't understand us... Christ, I didn't understand us. Irina begged me not to see you, the lawyer advised against it, Carlisle fucking forbade the rest of the family seeing you." He snorts derisively when he mentions Carlisle, but then his eyes soften when they connect with mine. 'I listened to what they said and it seemed to make sense when I looked at us from their perspective."

"Which was?"

"You were a school girl, Bella. I was a twenty-seven year old married man. To them, even though you were eighteen, it was sick. Irina lambasted me for being so stupid for believing that you were capable of the level of commitment I wanted with you. When Alice told me all the things Jessica was saying about how it was all a set up – a game, it added to the doubt I was already feeling."

"I don't understand how you could have believed that." My heart aches with the knowledge of how little he believed in me after all.

"In a warped way it made more sense than the reality did. You kept telling me you wanted me to be your first–'

"Because I loved you!" I yell in disbelief. I can't believe he thought otherwise.

"The more I thought about us the more it didn't make sense for us to love each other on that level. We were too different."

"We _are_ too different... now,' I insist, knowing my words are scathing. 'But back then we weren't, what we had transcended age, status ...everything. Or at least it did to me... " I add, catching myself. "I was wrong."

I grip the counter and take a few calming breaths. "Hearing you say that they all thought I was practically a child just makes it worse. You might think you had your family coming at you from all directions, but they pulled together and shut everyone out. You were protected, yet you were all happy for me to be left out in the open with a great big fucking spot light shining on me."

"The mistakes were all mine, not theirs." His expression is contrite as his eyes search mine.

"What were your mistakes?" I ask. I need to know... was I a mistake?

He moves closer. My breathing picks up as I automatically step back and my body comes into contact with the counter. Contrary to what I expect, he doesn't stop until he is merely inches from me. I feel the toes of his shoes come into contact with mine when his hands grip the counter on either side of me. I half expect him to lift me up onto it like he did years ago. I force that errant thought from my mind.

He is so close – I can feel his breath on my face when he finally speaks. "I shouldn't have believed your lies," he says simply.

My gasp rings out into the tense atmosphere. Raising my hands to his chest, I attempt to push him back but he catches my wrists and holds them in place. Not roughly, but with enough restraint to prevent me from creating any distance between us. But it is his eyes that hold me in place more than his hands.

His hands loosen, and I feel one finger trace my jaw line. "You only lied about one thing, didn't you?"

I swallow hard, unable to speak. The feel of him touching me, the way he is looking at me as if he can see right into my soul... is all too familiar. I feel like I'm eighteen again, and he is the center of my universe. All the feelings I've long suppressed come crashing to the fore.

My mouth dries as I feel the pain again, more keenly than I've felt it in years. Conversely, the desire is there too, and my palms sweat with the need to touch him. It would be so easy to just reach out to him.

"You should've told me what was going on." I choke out.

"I know," he whispers.

I hate the tears that form in my eyes. "I had no one to turn to," I whimper, hating myself for it.

When his warm palm cups my cheek, my eyes flutter closed as his thumb brushes gently beneath my eye, gathering the moisture there and brushing it away. "I'm sorry," he murmurs.

Two words I would have killed to hear ten years ago. Two words that I owe him too. Yet, even though they sound sincere, they are not enough to make it right again.

I open my eyes and gaze at him. His expression is heartbreakingly tender, yet his eyes are impossibly intense as they burn into mine. His lips part, drawing my gaze downwards, and somewhere inside me there is a tiny crack that widens, and I almost succumb.

The realization that I want him to kiss me is what gives me the strength to push him away. If I go down that road again it can only lead to the same place, and I don't think I have it in me to endure it again.

This time when I push him he steps back.

Suddenly I am filled with doubt. I don't think we can do this. As hard as we try to keep this about Jacob, it just keeps coming back to us.

I turn my back on him, and relief floods through me as I hear him move away from me. "It's in the past. We don't need to talk about it." My voice shakes, but I manage to say the words – even though I only half believe them.

I make coffee with trembling hands, all the while making sure I keep my back to him. By the time it is ready I have regained a smidgen of my equilibrium. I turn to find him sitting at the table –staring at me.

I place a cup in front of him, and noticing that the intensity is still in his eyes, I sit down slowly – avoiding his gaze. "We only need to talk about the future... and how we can make this work for Jacob."

"Okay," he says slowly. 'But I have to admit I'm disappointed that he won't be living near me, and that I won't be able to do things like take him to school," he continues.

His words are heartfelt and strike a chord within me. I can't imagine not sharing these things with Jacob, and it highlights the dichotomy of feelings I have towards Edward.

"I've done everything you've asked of me so far," he continues, his voice still thicker than normal. "I'd like to ask something of you," he adds.

"Go ahead," I say warily.

"I don't just want to be a part of Jacob's life. I want him to be a part of mine too," he states. "I want you to at least _consider_ the possibility of letting my family see him. Can you do that?"

"I honestly don't know," I admit.

"What if he wants to meet them?"

"I'll cross that bridge if I come to it."

My instincts are screaming at me to refuse, but common sense wins out. Jacob will want to meet them, and I will need Edward to be the buffer between us.

He starts to speak again before I have a chance to give him my answer.

"I was with Alice when you called last night," he explains. "She really wants the chance to talk to you... properly. She told me about what happened when she met you with Jacob, and she's deeply sorry." His lips curve up slightly in an almost smile. "You must remember how hot headed and impulsive she could be?" He quirks an eyebrow and I nod. "Jasper is good for her, he grounds her, and I think she's done a lot of thinking over the past couple of weeks –"

"Wait," I say, holding my hands up. "Weren't you the one who said we only need to worry about the three of us for a while?"

His soft smile seems to convey satisfaction, though I can't think what he has to feel satisfied with. "Yes," he admits. "I'm not talking about right away... I just want you to think about maybe letting her apologise to you – when you're ready."

"Okay, I'll think about it." I say reluctantly.

"Good." He smiles again, but it seems a little forced and I get the impression that, like me, he is holding back.

A wave of dizziness sweeps through me, and I remember that I haven't eaten today. Though I don't really feel like it, I decide that the distraction of cooking would be good for me right now.

"I'll make some lunch," I state while standing up.

The tension in the air dispels a little while I move around the kitchen under his watchful gaze. Taking the opportunity to shift the focus on to him, I ask him questions about his business, which he answers without restraint. He tells me how he and Emmett started out, and listening to him it is clear that he has found his vocation in life. It doesn't sound like he holds any regrets over losing his medical career, so I suppose that is one less thing I need to feel guilty about.

"How's Emmett doing?" I ask while stirring the pan of soup on the stove.

Though it's a relief, it is odd how we've fallen quickly into this detached state. It's almost as if the last thirty minutes never happened... or indeed the last ten years. But, it's all there bubbling under the surface, and it takes effort to ignore it. It feels like we are role playing – playing at being two people capable of having a normal conversation.

"Good," he replies. "He got married a couple of years ago. Her name's Rosalie, she's like him in so many ways."

"Really?" I ask, managing a small smile. Emmett was always very passionate in nature. Everything he did, he did with relish. He always seemed to be full of energy, and nothing held his attention for very long. "I can't imagine anyone taming Emmett," I muse.

"Oh, he hasn't been tamed at all." He laughs lightly. "He just found someone who has the same voracious appetite for everything that he has."

Emmett wasn't really involved in the fallout of what happened between Edward and me. In fact, he is probably the only one in the family I didn't feel let down by. However, I'm not so naive to believe that if he had been around he would have done anything other than stand by his family.

I set the soup on the table and sit down again. We make a show of eating a few mouthfuls, but it seems neither of us has much of an appetite.

"So what do you do?" he asks out of the blue.

At first I don't catch his meaning but quickly realize he's asking me what I do for a living. "At the moment I'm unemployed," I say, trying to inject a little humor into my tone. "I had to quit my jobs to come here."

"Jobs?" His eyes widen in surprise.

"I have to work around Jacob," I explain. "I had a cleaning job and was also a waitress. One job during school, the other in the evening."

Edward grimaces briefly at my explanation – I don't feel comfortable telling him things like this, but I'm not going to lie to him either.

"Jacob mentions your mom a lot. Do you live with her?"

I shake my head, starting to feel a little bit uneasy about this line of questioning. "We see her most days, but I have an apartment across town." He frowns a little, so I elaborate. "We don't live in squalor, Edward. It's an okay apartment. We get by."

"I'll set up a trust fund for him," he says, his voice suddenly strong with authority. "And of course I'll pay child support to you every month..." He pauses. "I can back date it and pay you a lump sum right away and–"

"So you're just going to swoop in with your check book and save the day?" I say bitterly. "We don't need your money, Edward."

His fist clenches on the table. "I want to provide for him."

"You can't just throw money at him!"

"Goddamit, Bella!" he shouts, thumping his fist on the table. "Right now it's all I have. I'm at the very fucking start here. I don't have the ten years experience that you have. I don't know how to act around him. I don't have the bond with him that you have. If you can just stop taking everything I say as an affront to you and see it from my point of view... just once. I just want to provide for him. Is that so wrong?"

His voice lowers. "What I'm about to say is not a direct criticism of you, so hear me out – please. I've missed most of his childhood, and when you move back to Florida, I'll miss more. I won't ever have what you have with him – taking him to school every day, being there for him if he wakes in the night, sharing all his firsts. Enjoying the highs and helping him through the lows. When I say I want to make his life better, I'm not saying that you haven't built a good life for him. All I'm saying is that I can take some of the burden from you."

His fist unclenches and moves slowly forward till his fingers brush mine. "I'm not trying to buy his love, Bella. But given the circumstances, I won't be around enough to _earn_ it either."

With every word I hear the weight of my regret increases. It presses against my chest so heavily that I feel like I can hardly breathe. Maybe I'm being naive and maybe I'll come to regret it, but I can't sit here and let him believe that Jacob will never love him.

"After our day out on Saturday," I begin, deciding that I owe him the truth. "I caught Jacob trying to call you without my knowing." His eyebrows lift, but his lips remain closed, so I continue. "He lied to me and pretended he was about to call my mom, but I found your card on the bed."

"Why was he calling me?"

I inhale deeply. "Because he wanted to ask you if you were coming back." My lip trembles a little as I think about Jacob feeling that insecurity and not feeling able to come to me for reassurance. "He wants you in his life, Edward, just as much as you want him in yours." I look into his eyes, but the vision wobbles as my tears pool. "He loves you already."

Relief and pride flicker on his face, but they are quickly replaced by confusion. "So why was he calling me in secret?"

"He thought I'd be upset..." My voice cracks, and it is only when I feel his grip tighten that I realise we are holding hands. My eyes dart to our entwined fingers and then back to his face. He makes no move to let go, and I feel strangely comforted by it. "He was afraid that he'd hurt my feelings by letting me know that he has feelings for you. I've never had to share him before and I guess he picked up on my reluctance."

"Are you still reluctant, now?"

"No. I owe it to you both to make this work." I look into his eyes. "I'm trying to trust you, Edward. Please don't let us down."

He stares at me for a long moment. I'm aware of his thumb brushing idly along mine and the strong thumping of my heart as I wait for him to speak.

"Thank you," he says, and my mouth drops open as he raises our hands and kisses the back of mine. "I can't promise that I won't get things wrong. There are still so many emotions at play here, Bella. We can work together, even though there will be times when it might be difficult. But I can promise you that I will never do anything intentionally to hurt Jacob... or you."

I slip my hand out of his, still feeling the tiny prickles on my skin where his lips touched. "We have to get along for Jacob's sake," I tell him. "I don't want him thinking that we hate each other and he has to hide things from us for fear of upsetting us. Mike told me about how much it hurt his kids to be caught in the middle of his and Jessica's animosity... I don't want that for Jacob."

"Neither do I," he says, straightening in his chair.

I surreptitiously wipe away my tears when he turns and gazes out the window.

"I'm glad we had this chance to talk." He sounds a little bit more detached again as he turns back to me. "We can work out how we're going to handle the long distance thing when the time comes, but for now I'd like to see as much of him as I can."

I nod. "He'd like that too."

"Good. I don't have to return to Seattle until tonight, but I have some calls I need to make this afternoon. Could I meet you back here later and come with you to pick him up from school?"

Feeling like my emotions have been put through the ringer, I nod. I glance at the clock. "I'm going to the hospital to see Charlie, but I'll meet you back here in a couple of hours."

"Thank you," he says again, but this time without the kiss.

* * *

The sight of Charlie lying half upright, propped up on the pillows, is the best thing I've seen all week. I rush to his side and clasp his hands in mine. His lips tremble a little, and I'm not clear on whether he is trying to smile or speak.

I shoot him a warm smile and squeeze his hands gently. "How do you feel?"

Most of Charlie's results are back. Thankfully the damage is minimal and he's expected to make a good recovery. However, the news wasn't all good. He's too weak now to receive the Celiac Plexus block – which the doctor told me will mean he'll need morphine to control his pain.

The worst part of it, for Charlie, is that he won't be going back to work.

He tries to smile a little as he gives me a very frail thumbs-up. He's still so very drowsy and his eyelids droop repeatedly as I talk to him, but I can tell by the way he fights to focus on my face that he wants me to keep talking.

"Jacob?" His voice is low and raspy.

"He's at school," I explain.

His head moves slowly from one side to the other and his dry lips part. "Edward?"

He's asking me about Saturday, and my love for him engulfs me. Amidst all this his concern is still for Jacob and I. Lifting the small cup of ice I brought in with me, I place a small cube against his dry lips and they close around it slowly.

"They had a good day," I tell him. "Jacob enjoyed himself, and Edward behaved himself," I joke lightly.

His lips release the ice cube. "And you?" he croaks, his voice a touch stronger.

"I'm okay." I smile. "I promise."

He must see the truth in my face because his lips flutter into a tiny smile before he sucks the ice cube into his mouth.

I tell him an abbreviated version of my meeting with Edward this morning. "I have to trust him for Jacob's sake," I say. "And it's a good thing because I can't hold on to all that fear and distrust – it's eating away at me." I brush his hair away from his forehead and look down at him.

His eyes drift closed briefly. "I'm... proud of you," he whispers.

I drop my head onto his chest and his hand rests on the back of my head. "I love you," I whisper back. "You'll be home before you know it and I'm going to take real good care of you."

He tries to speak again but he is losing the battle with sleep. His words are too quiet and slurred. I stay for a while, listening to his steady breathing. His heartbeat is gratifyingly strong beneath my ear and though I'm not particularly religious, I still offer up a quiet prayer of thanks for it.

Leaving the hospital, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. When I call Sue, she comments on how nice it is to hear me sounding so upbeat. It feels good to smile, and the news that Charlie can recover, from this at least, has definitely given me something to smile about.

I drive home singing along with the radio, and for once the sight of Edward's car doesn't make my heart drop to the floor.

I park behind his car and watch as he gets out and strides towards me. He takes long, purposeful steps and smiles a little as he looks at me through the windshield.

"You look happy," he remarks as he gets in. "I take it Charlie is doing well."

"He's still very weak, but the doctor told me he expects him to make a good recovery."

"I'm glad," he says sincerely.

"What are you listening to?" he asks with an amused snort.

I quirk an eyebrow. "Oh, I forgot, you don't like anything that came out after the eighties." I smirk.

"Yeah, I like real music, not that white noise you listen to." He laughs.

A ripple of astonishment courses through me obliterating my amusement. I steal a sidelong glance at Edward and though he doesn't look as disbelieving as I feel, he's certainly a little less relaxed than he was a moment ago.

Mere days ago I couldn't imagine us even being civil to one another. Yet here we are... doing God-knows-what. And for once I don't want to over think it. I've had enough recriminations and analysis for one day.

The silence feels a little bit awkward, so I turn the music back up and head for the school.

The road outside the school is already lined with cars, and I'm forced to park quite a way back from the gates. As we walk along the sidewalk, I again feel that slight self-consciousness that afflicted me earlier. I don't like any kind of attention and Edward definitely draws a lot of it.

There is a group of people standing near the gates, and I slow before we reach them. "I usually wait here," I tell Edward as I stop.

He stops beside me and buries his hands in his pockets. "Do you mind if I come back to the house for an hour? I need to leave around four to drive back to Seattle but I'd like to spend a little time with Jacob."

"Sure," I say distractedly. I've spotted Mike standing at the gates with some other parents.

He doesn't usually pick his girls up so I'm a little surprised to see him. He raises a hand and waves at me. I wave back, and before Edward turns to look, Mike dips his head a little and mouths 'are you okay?'I nod slightly, hoping he catches it. He nods back and turns away when Edward looks.

Our presence has been alerted by Mike's wave, and some of the other parents eye us curiously. Victoria steps towards Mike, but her eyes stay fixed on Edward and I.

"Do you normally stand with the other parents?" Edward asks, turning his back on them.

"I'm fine here," I say. "You know me; I'm not a good mixer."

He nods sagely, but before he can pass comment Jacob comes running up to us, clearly delighted to see him.

"I didn't know you would be here," he exclaims. "Are you staying for dinner – we could cook?" He turns to me. "Can we all cook together?"

"Edward has to go home soon." His little face falls. "Perhaps we could do it this weekend?" I glance at Edward and he nods.

"You're not leaving right away are you?" Jacob asks.

"No. I can stay for a little while." Edward smiles.

This pleases Jacob and he trots along happily beside Edward like a faithful puppy as we make our way back to the car. I unlock the car, and Jacob and Edward get inside.

"Hi ,Bella."

I turn at the sound of Louise's voice. She is a few steps ahead of Mike and Amy. I glance at the car and hold my fingers up to Jacob and Edward indicating I'll need two minutes.

"Hi, Louise," I say walking towards them. "Amy, Mike."

"Who's that in your car?" Louise asks, craning her neck to look around me and into the car.

"Louise!" Mike admonishes.

"It's okay," I insist. "That's Jacob's dad." I tell her.

Mike presses the button on his key-ring and his car, which is only two up from mine, beeps in response. "Girls, go get in the car, I'll be along in a second." He turns to watch them. "Other side!" he calls when Louise makes to step onto the road. He waits till they are safely into the car before turning to me. "I won't keep you, but how's it going. You okay? How's your dad?"

I smile at him. "I'm fine and Charlie will be. I should go..." I say, already backing away.

"Of course," he says with a small smile. "I'll talk to you soon."

I reach the door and open it. "I'll call you." I tell him as he turns away and he nods.

I get into the car and turn to find Edward and Jacob wearing matching expressions. It seems I'm cutting into their bonding time.

"Did you put your seat belt on, Jacob?" I ask, starting up the engine.

He scoots back in his seat and clicks it into place without a word. I pull away from the curb and head for home.

A deafening silence descends upon us, and I turn the volume up on the CD player.

However, I immediately regret it when Gerard Way's plaintive vocals fill the car.

_When you go, would you even turn to say... I don't love you, like I loved you, yesterday!_

* * *

**_Thank you for reading_**

**_Kat_**


	15. Chapter 15

I find myself in good spirits when arriving to pick Jacob up from school on Friday. The reason is my earlier visit to Charlie. Sitting up in bed today he looked stronger. He has his appetite back and even managed to complain about me fussing over him. As strange as it sounds, he _felt_ like Charlie again.

Jacob's mood has been good all week, due to the fact that he has spoken to Edward on the phone every night since Monday. I am finally starting to feel that there is a little respite on the horizon from all that has been troubling me since I got here.

I've taken to turning up at the school a little bit early. That way, I can park in the same spot and Jacob knows where to find me. This avoids the need to stand apart from the watchful eyes of the other parents as if I'm some weird oddity that's been put out on display for their perusal. Mike only picks his kids up sporadically and when he sat in the car with me yesterday I knew it hadn't escaped the clique's notice.

He was annoyingly pleased with me when I finally relayed the story of what had transpired with Edward on Monday. I hate smugness... no matter how well deserved it is. When I told him that Edward is coming by on Saturday he commented on how good it will be for Jacob to share his new passion for cooking with his dad. His eyes almost bugged out of his head when I agreed with him, but then the smug smile was back and he didn't even have to say **'**_I told you so_**.'**

We've had a few disasters this week, Jacob and I. Cooking with kids is nowhere near as much fun as they make it out to be on TV shows. I mean, there's all that worry that they'll get burned, there's the stress of trying to control an over-exuberant nine year old enough so he'll take the time to actually follow the instructions... and I don't want to even think about the mess. There is nothing remotely cute and enjoyable about slipping on spilled goo or scrubbing burnt offerings off the counters.

Jacob hasn't liked any of my recipe ideas either, so I've agreed to take him straight to the library today. Fish fry is the sum total of Charlie's culinary skills, everything else he eats comes in a microwaveable container, which means there is a distinct lack of cookbooks in the house.

The door creaks open and Jacob throws his bag into the front seat before clambering into the back. He's not smiling. Every day this week he has been full of the joys of spring, which means I notice his sullen mood instantly.

"You okay?" I ask him, trying in vain to make eye contact with him in the rear-view mirror.

He shrugs.

"What's up?" I twist in the seat to face him.

"What does _doing the nasty_ mean?" he asks, still refusing to look at me.

"What?" I gasp. "Who said that to you?"

"Troy Wheeler said that Dermot somebody from third grade heard his mom saying you're _doing the nasty_ with Mike."

"Who the hell is this _Dermot somebody's_ mom?" I yell before I can check myself.

He looks up at me miserably. "I don't know."

"Did you see him leave yet?" I ask, scanning the stream of kids unnecessarily. It's not like I can spot the kid through sheer force of will. "Come sit up front for now and point him out if you see him."

"What does it mean?" he asks again, though I suspect he's asking for clarification on what he _suspects_ it means, rather than through complete ignorance.

"It's not important what it means. It's a horrible thing to say." I make sure he's looking at me. "... and It's completely untrue."

He nods meekly before reluctantly climbing into the front.

He watches the school gates and then points out a small red-haired boy. "That's Dermot!" he says pointing at him.

I am not surprised at all when Dermot runs to Victoria and they make their way to her car.

"I'll be right back," I tell Jacob, ignoring his eye roll as I quickly exit the car.

"Hey!" I yell when I'm close enough for her to hear me. A few other people turn around in unison, but I keep my eyes trained on Victoria.

She spins around and her eyes narrow in recognition when they fall on me. She mutters something to her boy and he gets into the car. I stalk towards her.

"What can I do for you?" she asks disdainfully, folding her arms across her chest as her chin tilts up.

"You can keep your goddamn nose out of my business, for a start!" I say, fighting hard to keep my voice down.

"Excuse me?"

I lean on her car. "You shouldn't go shooting your mouth off in front of your kid," I elaborate, shooting a pointed glance in at the boy who is staring out at me wide eyed. "Especially not about things you know nothing about."

"Look, I don't know what the hell you're talking about, but I don't appreciate you yelling at me in the street–"

"You can get on your high horse when it's your kid that's asking you what _doing the nasty with Mike means,_" I state coldly.

Her eyes widen, revealing her guilt. She recovers quickly though, and her nostrils flare. "From where I'm standing, you're in no position to preach to me from the moral high ground." she sneers. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you the one who..." Her eyes flick to her car and she lowers her voice. "... fucked your best friend's _married_ brother and ran away with his bastard kid?" She raises her eyebrows smugly. "And if you don't want people to talk... you might wanna look up discretion in the dictionary!"

_ What the hell?_

She spins on her heel and gets into her car, slamming the door for good measure. She pulls away from the curb and I'm aware of people watching me curiously.

I don't know what angers me more; my own stupidity in acting so rashly... or the fact that she got the last word in.

_Discretion? We sat in a car while waiting for our kids to get out of school, for fuck's sake!_

I stalk back to the car, furious with myself for rising to the bait. I fear I've made this situation a whole lot worse for Jacob. No! I _know_ I've made the situation a whole lot worse.

"What did you say to her?" Jacob asks as I get back into the car and somehow manage to refrain from slamming the door.

"That was stupid," I tell him, sighing heavily. "I shouldn't have yelled in the street like that. I should have waited until I could talk to her alone." I smile sadly at him. "It's difficult to make good decisions when you're angry."

Inside, I'm kicking myself. Here's me preaching to Edward about his temper and then I go and jump in with both feet at the first thing that angers me. Fuelled by my own feelings towards how Edward hurt me, I've been too quick to judge him unfairly when it comes to Jacob. Yes, Edward might inadvertently hurt him, but so might I.

Jacob starts to climb into the back seat but he pauses when I touch his shoulder. "If anyone says anything to you at school that upsets you, you can still tell me," I reassure him. "I'll handle it properly the next time."

He frowns. "What will they say?"

"Some adults like to gossip, Jacob. They might say silly things like what Victoria said in front of Dermot..." I sigh in frustration. "It's not easy to explain, but some people get a kick out of saying stuff that's not true… or making stuff that _is_ true sound worse than it really is. I'm worried that you'll hear more things like you heard today."

It's more than obvious that I'll have to have a proper talk with him. At the very least I have to warn him about the things that could come out about Edward and me. He's already climbing into the back seat and I decide maybe it's best to have the discussion after tomorrow. He's really looking forward to his day with Edward, and I don't want to do anything that will cast a shadow over it for him.

I push it to the back of my mind as I drive to the library. Jacob's sullen mood lifts when I manage to engage him in a conversation about what he might want to cook with Edward tomorrow.

At the library, Jacob fingers through the volumes in the cooking, section. He begins pulling out the most colorful cookbooks, and piling them on the table in the center of the section. When the pile is sufficiently high, I urge him to sit at the table and start looking through them. He flicks through them, lingering on potential recipes for a moment before shaking his head and moving on to the next.

I glance back at the row of computers lined up against the back wall. I thought of it as soon as I spotted them when we arrived. I glance at Jacob. He's completely absorbed in his task and I'm tempted to make use of one.

"Jacob?"

"Mhmm?"

"I'm just going over to the computers, okay?"

He doesn't look up.

"Jacob."

He glances up and I point out where the computers are. "I'll be right over there."

He nods absent-mindedly and returns his attention back to the books. I slide the pen and pad we brought with us across the table to him and tell him to write down the book title, recipe name and page number of anything that he thinks he might want to use.

I settle into a chair, still glancing nervously over my shoulder at Jacob. I hate how public computers are always lined up so the screen is facing the whole room. It's not the most private of settings but ever since Mike mentioned _Googling_ Edward, I've had the urge to do just that.

The Google toolbar comes up and I slowly type Edward's name into it. My fingers drum on the table as I glance around the room feeling all kinds of sneaky. I look back at the screen and find there is a disturbingly large amount of sites with information on Edward Cullen. Not all of them relate to the right Edward Cullen, but the majority do. I scroll the screen a little, hovering the curser over the red X as I debate with myself whether I'm just mildly curious or being out-and-out nosey and inappropriate.

I click on a random site and it opens with a picture of Edward and Emmett shaking hands with two older men. They are all beaming at the camera and a quick scan of the article reveals that Cullen Equity Partners has just bought over the older mens' company. I quickly scan a few more articles and glean that Edward and Emmett's company is massively successful.

Scrolling the page again, my eyes fall on a picture of Esme and Carlisle flanked by Edward, Emmett and Alice. I click on it to find it is a photo from a recent charity benefit arranged by Esme and supported by Cullen Equity Partners**.** There is a link to more photos and I click on it, only to be greeted by a photo of Edward with his arm around a seriously gorgeous blonde woman. They both look stunningly perfect in the picture.

The black tux Edward is wearing is beautifully cut and screams wealth. His clean shaven skin is smooth and flawless, and the light from the flash has picked up both the brilliant green of his eyes and the copper tones in his hair. I've never seen him look so handsome, and I feel my blood heat as my eyes trail over every inch of him. The way his pants hug his thighs makes my palms itch, as out of nowhere, my subconscious tries to remember what it felt like to run my hands over the firm muscles there.

His smile is gorgeous, as always, and I bite my lip as the memory of those lips comes back to me vividly. My breathing hitches.

_What the hell am I doing?_

I click on the next picture and it is of people I don't recognize. A quick glance over my shoulder reassures me that Jacob is still busy with his books. I scan the room guiltily, but no one is taking any notice of me, so I turn back to the computer and type in Edward's name again. This time, I click on images and the screen fills with thumbnails of Edward. I scroll through them quickly.

_Hmm, seems he has a liking for blondes._

I flick through more pictures of Edward, and since most of them don't name the girl he's with, it's very difficult to tell if there is one particular one that appears more often than the rest. They are all so similar: tall, poised and elegant, with skin that reminds me of porcelain. In fact, they are so unbelievably beautiful that I find myself wondering if he has a large cabinet at home where he displays them.

Sick of my snooping, I shut the computer down and head back to Jacob. Suddenly, I feel a lot dowdier than I did before, and I'm intensely aware that Edward belongs to a world that I... that _Jacob_ might struggle to fit into.

"Have you chosen yet?" I ask Jacob, trying to inject some enthusiasm into my tone.

Thinking of Edward's high flying lifestyle has made me wonder how he'll feel about spending an evening in a tiny house in Forks having to cook his own dinner.

Jacob looks up at me. "What does duck taste like?"

I stifle a snigger. "I'm a vegetarian, remember?" His shoulders sag. "Sorry. I know this is important to you. Why don't we bake a cake, something fancy, like a gateau with lots of cream and cherries, or maybe a chocolate cake?" I sit down beside him and start flipping through the books, looking for a baking one. "You can make that with Edward and I'll make the main meal, how does that sound?"

"Oh, a chocolate cake would be great!" he agrees enthusiastically. "We could decorate it with frosting and chocolate sprinkles." His eyes glaze over for a second and then he looks at me sharply. "You'll still help though, right?"

I smile at him and nod. "Of course."

"And you'll let dad and me help with the main meal?" His eager eyes stay trained on my face.

I keep the smile plastered firmly to my face as I tell him that I'd love to let them help.

I already know how to make a chocolate cake, but since I'm planning on having Jacob and Edward do most of the baking, I find a suitable recipe and write it down.

On Saturday morning Jacob complains all the way round the store when we're buying the ingredients because he's worried Edward will show up early and we'll miss him.

Reminding Jacob that he left a note taped to the door does little to quell his anxiety. He starts to act up a little when I won't let him buy two different kinds of chocolate drops _and_ M&M's for the cake decoration. I try pointing out that we're spending a lot of money as it is for the groceries, but this only makes him sulk further.

He only calms down when we get back to the house and he sees the note still safely taped in place. He'd written on it that Edward was to remove the note if we'd missed him. My insistence that Edward wouldn't just take the note and drive back to Seattle falls on deaf ears. It seems that where Edward is concerned, Jacob is quite the worrywart.

I'm attempting to put the groceries away but Jacob keeps getting in the way. He's stalking around the kitchen with the recipe in his hand, pulling things out of the bag and marking them off on the list with his pencil.

"You know, there's no law says you can't put things away when you've finished checking them off your list," I joke.

He glances up. "What?"

"It's pardon." I correct him.

"Pardon what?"

He's so distracted by his list it makes me chuckle. I point to the bag of flour he dumped on the table. "That flour that you took out of the grocery bag, if you pick it up, turn around ninety degrees and take three steps forward, you could put it in the cupboard, where it belongs."

He looks at the flour and then back at me. "How much is ninety degrees?"

I laugh loudly and swing the cupboard door open, "Just put it in here!"

"But we'll be needing it soon, anyway," he argues.

There's a loud knock at the door and before I can say anything else, and Jacob's eyes widen as his mouth spreads into a large grin. "I'll get it!" he yells. The flour lies forgotten on the table.

Glancing ruefully at the pile of groceries strewn everywhere, I follow him to the door.

Edward is standing in the doorway wearing a big smile and holding flowers and a large package. Jacob throws the door wide and ushers him in.

Edward thanks him and steps inside. Jacob immediately launches into a spiel about our shopping trip and divulges to Edward that he was worried we'd miss him.

Edward beams at him. "I'd have waited," he chuckles. "You're not the only one who's been looking forward to today."

I swallow hard at the sight of Jacob glowing with pride. He looks like he might actually float away.

Edward turns his charming smile on me. Another hard swallow.

"These are for you," he says, holding out the flowers.

"You didn't have to bring me flowers," I say, unsettled by the gesture.

His smile widens. "Esme taught us never to turn up for dinner empty handed," he explains.

"What's in the package?" Jacob asks, pointing at it.

"Open it and see," Edward says, and hands it to Jacob, who almost drops it. "Whoah! Sorry." Edward laughs nervously. "Maybe we should take it into the living room, you can open it there."

I woke up this morning and my first thought was of my angry outburst yesterday. I resolved to stop trying to prevent every problem that I think might be on the horizon. There is no way I want to risk a repeat of Monday, and the only way to avoid the constant bickering is for me to just relax and let Jacob and Edward find their own way.

Edward is barely in the door though, and already I've had to hold back the reminder I would normally give Jacob that it was rude to ask what's in the package. And now, judging by the size of said package, I'm going to have to hold back again.

I don't want Edward plying him with fancy gifts, but I can tell him that after today.

"An Xbox!" Jacob yelps in glee. "The Elite one." He rips the paper further and at least half a dozen games fall out of the package too.

I close my eyes briefly and fight to find a smile. I open my eyes to see Jacob hurtling into Edward and throwing his arms around him. His voice is muffled when he says thank you into Edward's abdomen. Edward's hands hover slightly before he places them on Jacob's back, his lips purse tightly together, and just like mine a moment ago – his eyes close briefly.

Jacob pulls away and turns back to his gift, leaving Edward looking a little flummoxed. His eyes meet mine, and I recognize the thrill of being accepted shining in his. Jacob is talking, but I'm rooted to Edward's gaze. The full force of how much that one tiny action from Jacob means to him is too painful for me to bear. Before I look away, I also spot the slight look of hesitance he gives me.

"Maybe you could help Jacob set it up," I say, but it comes out all croaky. I clear my throat. "...while I finish putting away the groceries." My smile is tight and I don't know if it will reassure him at all, because he must know that deep down I _do_ mind that he's brought this wildly extravagant gift for Jacob.

I retreat to the kitchen, willing myself to stick to my guns. I promised myself I'd try to relax and just see where it takes us. If there is a chance that we can be... friends is perhaps too strong a word, but it's all I have. If we can be friendly towards each other for Jacob, then this whole process will be so much easier.

"You can do this!" I tell myself, drawing in a deep breath.

"Do what?"

I whirl at the sound of Edward's voice.

"I didn't hear you follow me," I gasp. I crane my neck to look behind him.

"He's unpacking the console," he says. "Look, I know you said that–"

I hold my hand up and he stops speaking. "Not today," I say quietly. "This means so much to him... to you... I..I've messed up the other days you've shared with him, so ... I'm keeping my feelings out of it just for today and we'll see if it makes it easier."

He smiles broadly. "Thank you."

His voice is soft and warm and most of all – genuine. I return his smile.

His smile fades. "I guess I should tell you I brought another couple of things, they're out in the car."

I bite my lip and raise my eyebrows at him.

"It's nothing major," he explains. "Just a couple of silly things I thought Jacob might appreciate."

"What is it?" I force myself to ask.

He looks mildly embarrassed. "It's a little chef's jacket for him and a couple of aprons for us." He points a finger in the direction of the stove. "You know, if we're still going to be cooking."

This time my smile is genuine. "Oh we'll still be cooking, Jacob will see to that. And he'll love that you did that. He goes all out when he gets into something, likes to look the part..." my voice trails off. "... but of course you've obviously noticed that."

He nods gently. He holds my gaze for a beat, and then blows out a harsh breath. "I'll go set up the console." I watch as he turns and strides back to the living room.

I press my fingers into my eyelids, suck in a deep breath and exhale slowly. Jacob's excited chattering filters through from the living room, and because it helps me relax. I focus on that while I put everything away. By the time I'm finishing up I can hear that they have started playing a game. I lift the bag of flour to put it away, but when I spot Jacob's list on the table next to it, I set it back down with a smile.

A little while later, Jacob comes bounding into the kitchen and drums his hands on the table. My coffee cup shakes a little, and I put my hands on it to steady it.

"Sorry," he says, grimacing at the shaking cup. "Are we ready to start the cake?"

I hear the soft click of the front door.

"Dad's gone to get something from the car," Jacob says, following my gaze as I lean back to look out the window.

He turns back towards the kitchen and smiles at me when he spots the baking items laid out on the counter. I slide the sheet of paper that contains the recipe towards him. He snatches it up and immediately starts reading it aloud.

There's a knock at the front door, and hardly breaking stride, Jacob shouts, "Come in!" Edward appears in the doorway holding out a bag to Jacob.

"I thought you might like to wear this while we cook," Edward says as Jacob takes the bag.

He shrieks in delight when he pulls out the jacket, and then frowns at the two black and white checkered aprons.

"Those are for your Mom and I," Edward explains.

Jacob shrugs into the jacket and does up the buttons in double quick time. I laugh at his tongue poking out as he concentrates on the top one.

"What about a hat?" I ask, getting into the spirit.

Jacob laughs. "No, I think I'd look stupid with one of those puffy hats on. The jacket will do," he says without a trace of irony. He looks down at himself. "It looks good," he decides, before looking at Edward and me wearing our matching aprons. "You two look like assistants."

I start to busy myself with the task of getting out bowls and utensils, but it quickly becomes apparent that the working area is too small. I have to keep maneuvering around Edward and asking him to move out of the way so I can reach things.

I need to get into the drawer behind him and when he moves so we can swap places, I feel a zing of awareness as his hand brushes my back as I pass. Later, when I can't reach the trays on the top shelf, he comes up behind me and reaches up to get them. Bringing them down to the counter in front of me, his arms encircle me and I feel his chest press against my back before he sets them down and moves away. The effect the closeness of his body has on me is hard to ignore. More than once I almost drop something, and it's not the heat from the oven that is making me sweat.

I'm starting to get the distinct feeling that even if the kitchen was the size of a football field, it would still feel far too intimate.

Their plan seems to have been that Jacob would measure and pour the flour while Edward holds the sifter over the mixing bowl. I bite at my bottom lip as I watch their plan go awry, with Jacob pouring the flour too fast, missing the edges of the bowl and sending white plumes of flour dust up into Edward's face. When it's time for the eggs, I retrieve them from the fridge and hand them to Edward. He curls his left hand beneath mine as his right hand lifts the eggs. It takes great effort not to look up into his face.

Jacob smashes the first one on the rim of the bowl and half the shell falls into the mixture along with the runny egg. He shoots a panicked look at Edward, who chuckles and picks out the pieces of shell.

Lifting another egg, Edward taps it gently on the side of the bowl. "Just try to be a bit gentler," he instructs, as the shell gives way. "And then use your thumbs to separate the shell."

I watch as his thumbs press into the small break in the shell and he expertly pulls the edges apart with his long fingers.

"Can I try?" Jacob asks, evidently relieved that Edward didn't scold him.

"How many eggs do we need?" Edward asks, glancing at the recipe.

Jacob's face falls. "Just two."

Edward grabs a bowl and hands Jacob another egg. "You can break it in to this bowl," he suggests, smiling encouragingly. "All top chefs have to practice."

Jacob's resulting grin is 100 watts bright. He taps the egg on the edge of the bowl, too gently at first, glances at Edward and then taps again with more pressure. When the egg cracks, Edward covers Jacob's hands with his and helps him gently pull the egg apart. Jacob laughs when the contents drop into the bowl.

"Not one piece of shell," he observes, grinning at it.

Edward starts mixing the ingredients and when it starts to come together, he hands the bowl to Jacob to have a turn mixing.

"It smells delicious," Jacob remarks, his arm pumping furiously as he stirs as fast as he can. The bowl is clattering all over the counter top, and I reach over at the same time Edward does to steady it. I try to step back again, but Edward moves out of the way and gestures for me to take his place beside Jacob.

I smile weakly and hold the bowl. Eventually, Jacob's arm gets tired and I take over the mixing.

"Okay, I think It's ready to go in the baking tray, Jacob," I say eventually, tapping the spoon on the edge of the bowl.

"Nana usually lets me taste the mix," Jacob says.

Without thinking, I dip my finger into it and scoop some up. As I hold it up, I change my mind. "It's got raw egg in it, isn't that bad for you?" I muse aloud.

"Not unless you're pregnant... or really young," Edward offers, his eye catching mine on the word pregnant. "Otherwise, it's fine."

"I'm not so sure," I say, staring at my finger dubiously. "Get the baking tray Jacob. I don't think we should risk it."

Jacob moves away to get the tray.

Edward laughs. "It won't kill you. Look, I'll prove it."

I watch in shock as he gently takes hold of my wrist and lifts my hand to his mouth. My index finger is still extended and when he wraps his lips around it, every drop of moisture in my mouth disappears – probably headed south.

I can't hold the soft gasp that emanates from my throat. His tongue swirls around my finger, and when I feel the soft suction, I clamp my mouth shut to stifle the moan that I can feel building. Every nerve ending in my body is suddenly on red alert and there is a buzzing in my ears that sounds like pure electricity. My eyes somehow lift from the mesmerizing performance of his mouth and lock with his.

My finger pops out of his mouth and he smiles. "Delicious," he grins. "And it didn't kill me."

_No, but it almost killed me!_

"Got it!" Jacob's voice breaks the spell, and I look to see that he has turned back to face us. He stares at us for a beat. "Can I taste?" he asks, still staring at Edward's hand curled around my wrist.

Snatching my hand back, I step away and Jacob moves into the space between us. Edward, whose eyes haven't left me, finally looks down at Jacob and nods.

Jacob dips his finger in and his lips spread into a wide grin when he tastes the mixture. "This cake is gonna be awesome!" he declares.

My hand trembles a little as I pull the cake tin over and pour the mixture into it. A side glance at Edward confirms that he is completely unaffected by what just occurred, and I feel foolish for my overreaction to what was a simple action without ulterior motive.

He warns Jacob lightly not to eat too much of it, as Jacob scoops a large dollop from the empty mixing bowl into his mouth.

After we've put the cake in the oven, I start with our main course. I try to convince Jacob and Edward to go back to the living room, but Jacob won't hear of it, so I give him the task of washing the salad leaves.

"What can I do?" Edward asks, leaning one hip against the back of a chair.

I hand him the tomatoes and a knife. "You can slice these," I say with a smile.

He moves to the counter right beside me, lays a tomato on the cutting board and slices into it. He squeezes it too hard, and because the tomato is over ripe, some of the juice and seeds shoot out and squirt onto my hand next to the board.

"Sorry," Edward says, glancing at it before a soft chuckle rumbles in his throat. "Remember the time I did that to Emmett?"

I laugh loudly at the memory. Emmett has the weirdest phobia ever. He has a pathological fear of tomato seeds. He can't even sit at the same table as a sliced tomato. He retches at the sight of the pulp and seeds. Nobody knows how or when this irrational fear originated, but I witnessed it firsthand once.

Edward, Alice and I were in the kitchen making sandwiches for lunch when Emmett arrived home for a long weekend from college. He was so busy saying hi and hugging everyone, he never noticed that Edward was slicing tomatoes. Edward was just lifting a slice of tomato to put on his bread when Emmett put his hand down and a huge splodge of seeds fell onto Emmett's hand.

His eyes widened in shock as he started retching and shaking his hand like someone had dropped excrement on it. Edward and Alice were in gales of laughter, and at first I didn't have a clue what was going on, but when Emmett started shouting at Edward in a very high-pitched girly voice, I was soon in fits of giggles.

"I can't believe he gets so worked up about tomatoes," I laugh.

"He's still the same," Edward grins. "I actually think he should get therapy for it. He squeals like a girl if you go near him with one." He shakes his head. "He's still trying to claim it's a genuine phobia. He even looked it up on the internet and came up with a name for it. **"**_Lycopersicophobia."_

"Lyco-what?"

Edward laughs harder. "I'm not even sure if I got the name right. I don't really understand it, but you know how Emmett gets and how crazy his reasoning is. Apparently, it is derived from the Greek word for tomato which literally translated means wolf peach."

"Wolf peach?!" I laugh. "Well, he does hate dogs!"

"Who's Emmett?"

Edward and I both freeze, realizing we've just brought the specter of his family into the room. I turn to find Jacob staring at us inquisitively. The glances Edward and I swap are unmistakably of the _will-you-tell-him-or-shall-I?_ variety.

"Emmett is Edward's brother," I say, taking the initiative.

Jacob's eyes swing to Edward. "Is he older or younger?"

"A year younger," Edward replies.

"Do you have any other brothers or sisters?"

Edward shakes his head. "No, just Alice and Emmett."

"What about your mom and dad?" Jacob asks, thoroughly in his stride now.

"Jacob," I cut in gently.

"No it's okay," Edward insists. He moves to the table – the tomatoes forgotten, and sits down. Jacob follows suit. "My parents died when I was six. I came to Forks to live with my mother's sister Esme and her husband Carlisle. They adopted me." His voice sounds wistful and tinged with regret.

"Did they adopt Emmett and Alice too?"

Edward shakes his head. "No. Emmett and Alice are their real children."

His use of the word _real_ saddens me.

Jacob stares at him, drinking in every word. "Do your adopted parents still live here?"

Edward nods, and I know what Jacob will ask next.

"When can I meet them?"

Edward looks at me for guidance, but I have none to offer. He knows how I feel about his family. He knows how his family feels about me. No, I'm not the person who can guide him on this.

He turns back to Jacob. "It's a little bit complicated," he begins.

Jacob frowns. "That's what Mom always says."

"Well, she's right." Edward smiles. "I want you and me to get to know each other better first."

This pleases Jacob and he smiles at Edward. "Okay, but I still want to meet them," he insists.

Edward's eyes drift to mine, but he says nothing further to Jacob.

We go back to the dinner preparations in silence, each of us lost in our individual thoughts. When the oven pings, Jacob is the first to react.

"The cake's ready," he says, his voice shaky yet determined.

I turn to grab the oven mitt, but Jacob beats me to the oven.

"Ow!" Jacob howls.

My head snaps around just as the cake tin clatters to the floor and the chocolate sponge shoots across the kitchen, leaving a brown trail of crumbs in its wake.

"Jacob!" I yell in fright. "You know you're not allowed to open the oven!"

"I forgot!" he wails.

Edward takes charge, quickly grabbing Jacob's hand and leading him to the sink. There is already an angry red welt forming on Jacob's wrist, just below his thumb.

Edward thrusts Jacob's hand under the tap and turns on the cold water. Jacob yelps in pain and struggles to pull back.

"It's okay," Edward soothes. "This will take the sting out of it." He looks to me. "Do you have a first aid kit?"

In my current state, I can't remember where Charlie keeps it, so I turn and start opening and slamming drawers and doors. Edward is murmuring soothing words to Jacob and brushing his hand comfortingly over his hair. Tears are streaming from Jacob's eyes, but it seems to be working as his sobs start to subside.

I find the kit, and Edward leads Jacob to the table before drying the wound gently and opening the kit.

"I'm just going to put some of this gel on it," he tells Jacob, while handing the tube to me. I remove the lid and hand it back to him. "It'll cool it down and takes the pain away, okay?"

Jacob nods vigorously but still winces a little when the gel touches the large blister that is now forming. Edward gently spreads a thin layer of gel on it and shoots Jacob an encouraging smile. I hand him a square of gauze but he shakes his head.

"The blister might burst and the gauze will end up sticking to it," he reasons, before addressing Jacob. "It's best to let the air get at it, Jacob. It'll heal quicker, but you have to be careful not to get it dirty."

Again, Jacob nods.

"Does it feel a bit better?" Edward asks.

"Yes, but it still stings," Jacob croaks.

"Some more gel will help if it gets painful," Edward says with a rueful smile. "You're a brave boy."

Jacob stands up and looks at Edward for a moment before stepping forward and embracing him. Edward turns his head and kisses Jacob's hair lightly. It's such a natural action, and seeing the contented look on Jacob's face as he is comforted by his father is oddly comforting to me.

I still feel the sharp pang of guilt, but watching them together is helping me to realise that I'm finally on the right track. The more I allow myself to trust Edward, the better it is for Jacob.

"Thanks, Dad," Jacob murmurs against his shoulder. He steps back and then asks if he can watch some TV in the front room. I nod and he slopes off, holding his arm as if it has been broken in twenty different places.

I shake my head with a knowing smile before starting to clear up the ruined cake. Edward gets down on the floor to help.

"I feel like such an idiot," he confides.

I stop and look at him, resting back on my heels. "Why?"

"Blurting that out about Emmett – I should have known he'd ask awkward questions," he elaborates.

"Actually, I was going to talk to you about that," I say, getting up and crossing the kitchen to get the mop.

While I clear up the mess from the floor, I tell Edward about what happened to Jacob at school yesterday, and about my altercation with Victoria.

"We're going to have to sit him down and tell him about us," I say, not relishing the idea at all. "He'll probably hear gossip at school, and I'd rather he heard the truth from us."

Edward nods grimly. "Do you think he'll understand?"

"I doubt it!" I say a little more sharply than I intended. "I'm sorry, I'm just angry that people can't keep their noses out of our business."

"That's nothing new," he says lightly. I laugh agreeing with him. "This is better," he says with a small smile. "When I think about how angry I was when I first came here after I found out about him, I cringe. I'm really sorry Bella, I didn't mean to be such an asshole. I just freaked when Jasper told me," he admits.

"I wanted to tell you myself, but Jasper insisted that it would be better coming from him."

"How did he tell you?" I ask, glad that we can at last talk civilly about these things.

"I was surprised when he turned up in Brazil out of the blue," Edward begins. "I knew instantly that something was up... but I never thought it would be anything like this." He glances at me. "He waited till we got back to my hotel room and he told me you were back in town." He grimaces a little.

I want to ask him how he felt when he heard that, what he felt when he realized I was back... if he felt anything like what I have felt in these moments since I've met him again. My reactions to him are strong and all too familiar, but then I think of the blonde women at his side in the photos, and I'm not sure I really want to know the answer. "Go on," I encourage; when I realize he's stopped.

He clears his throat. "He told me that you'd brought your son to Forks with you. At first, I couldn't figure out why he felt he had to tell me this." He snorts humorlessly. "He didn't actually say the words, he just sat there staring at me, waiting for the penny to drop."

"And when it did?" I ask hesitantly.

"I honestly don't know, Bella. My mind was racing in a hundred different directions all at once. I couldn't seem to fathom how..." He pauses, letting out a long breath. "How you could do that," he finishes quietly. "But, let's not get into that." He rubs his hands down his face and his demeanor brightens. "We're here now, and I'm enjoying getting to know him."

I put the food in the oven to cook, and then pull a bottle of wine from the cupboard along with two glasses. I plonk them down in front of him. "I don't know about you, but I could use a drink," I say, forcing a small smile.

"I'm driving," he reminds me.

"Of course," I say, pouring a glass for myself. "I hope you don't mind if I have one, I'm used to drinking alone."

My eyes meet his as I take a sip and I inwardly berate myself for making myself sound like a lonely alcoholic. "Are you driving back to Seattle tonight?" I ask, deflecting the subject away from me.

"Alice offered to let me stay with her and Jasper. But to be honest, I don't think I can face her questions tonight," he admits with a heavy sigh.

"Is she really that desperate?"

He nods. "But I understand why you're not ready to see any of my family." His gaze flicks to the doorway. "But if Jacob wants to meet them–"

"I have to grow a set!" I finish for him, with a wry laugh. But then my mood sours. "I don't have the energy for it right now, not with everything that's going on here."

He apologized for not asking about Charlie, and I tell him that he'll hopefully be getting out of hospital next week. I'm looking forward to having Charlie home again and getting back into some semblance of a normal routine that doesn't involve twice daily trips to the hospital. Jacob is missing Charlie, too.

When the food is ready I call Jacob and we all sit at the table together. I pour another glass of wine as I listen to Edward asking Jacob some questions about Florida, which reminds me that a package arrived from Renee during the week.

"Oh... that reminds me," I say, scraping my chair back and leaving the table. "This came on Tuesday." I grab the package and pull out the photo albums, laying them on the counter.

"What are those?" Edward asks.

"Jacob's photo albums." I grin. "After dinner you two can look through them. I'll do the dishes."

"Why don't we all do the dishes and we can look through them together?" Edward suggests.

I wave him away dismissively, not wanting to reveal how uncomfortable I'd find that. "No, no. It's okay. I'll join you when I'm done."

He quirks an eyebrow at me, but apparently thinks better of saying anything and goes back to eating his meal. I drain the last of my wine and switch the coffeemaker on, while Jacob rummages the fridge looking for something for dessert. Edward brings the empty dishes to the counter and leans on it, looking down at me.

I expect him to say something but he just stands there – watching me.

I wash the first plate under his watchful gaze, and he surprises me by holding his hand out for it when I'm done. Pulling the towel from the hook, he dries the plate and sets it on the counter. Jacob appears at his side and lifts the plate, and so our little production line is set up. I try to think of a convincing excuse to get out of going through the albums with them, but nothing comes to mind. When we are done I have no choice but carry the books into the living room and try to look enthusiastic about it.

Jacob sits on the couch and innocently pats the spaces on either side of him. Edward and I share an amused look before sitting down. Jacob opens the album and the very first picture is of me – heavily pregnant. I hope my intake of breath isn't too loud. I daren't look up in case Edward heard it.

That picture wasn't in the album before, and I wonder if Renee put it there for Edward's benefit. Perhaps she thought it might make him feel guilty seeing me so young and heavily pregnant... and looking utterly miserable. I've always hated that picture.

I quickly turn the page and Jacob chuckles with delight when he sees the pictures of himself as a tiny baby. He starts flicking through the pages, and judging by Edward's pained expression, he's not at all enjoying this. I get the impression he would like to linger more, but Jacob is keen to get to the memories he _can _remember.

I can't think why I thought this was a good idea. Jacob starts to tell little stories about things like his first ever baseball game, his first school field trip and constantly prompts me to add little anecdotes myself. Edward smiles in all the right places and asks all the right questions, but inside I wonder if he's dying as much as I am.

It must be killing him to hear Jacob describe the life he's had without him. It quickly becomes too much for me and I excuse myself, retreating to the kitchen. I try to compose myself against the tumult of emotion running through me. So many things have been at play here today and they are starting to overwhelm me.

Seeing Edward bond with Jacob and how much being allowed into his life means to him – coupled with the reality of all that he has missed – tears at my heart. Feeling some of the spark between us earlier has also struck me on a purely selfish level. Suddenly, I find myself yearning for the life the three of us never got the chance to have together.

I've spent so many years suppressing my feelings for Edward that I'd almost managed to forget the sheer force of them. But being here with him today, the small smiles, the touches, the gentle words... are all too much for me and I can feel myself being sucked back towards that love I tried so hard to forget.

A floorboard creaks behind me and instinctively I know it's Edward. I take in a few calming breaths before I turn. His expression is dark and unreadable, and his eyes won't meet mine.

"I have to go," he says. "It's a long drive home."

I nod, my heart aching. "Did you say goodbye to Jacob?"

"Yes." His eyes connect with mine before he looks away again.

"Edward, I'm sorry about the albums... I didn't mean to–"

"I'm not leaving because of the albums," he assures me, though his eyes betray him when they finally meet mine. "It's a long drive back to Seattle," he adds and his words are hollow.

I can see the glint of suppressed anger still evident as his eyes look everywhere but at me, and it is nothing more than I would expect.

"I'm going to Europe on business at the end of the week. I'd like to see Jacob during the week if that's okay?" he requests. "I think we should start explaining things to him and not leave it to the town gossips to fill him in on our past."

I agree with him, but I can't help but feel he's leaving because he's angry. "Can't you stay with Alice tonight? We could do it tomorrow?"

"Bella..." he begins, but then pauses and shakes his head. "I just need to be away from–"

He starts to move towards the hallway.

I walk out to the door with him, feeling like I should say something, but there's nothing left to say. Even though he wanted to see the albums, it's clear they were too much of a reminder. My own control is hanging by a thread as I open the door and stand clinging to it as he passes.

He stops on the threshold and turns. "Thank you," he says with sad restraint, and I'm not sure if he's thanking me for today or for not pressing him to stay.

I look up at him and long gone emotions spark to life. Without conscious decision I move forward. His eyes soften as he does too.

A long time ago it would have been as natural as breathing to step into his embrace. To welcome the warm security of his arms around me while inhaling the intoxicating scent of him. But the gap between us is too great, and though I'm not sure which one of us stops first, I notice we are at an impasse, each waiting for the other's next move.

His mouth opens, then it closes and that muscle is working furiously in his jaw again. He turns away from me, and I watch him go.

I briefly check that Jacob is okay and find him playing his new game. I tell him I'm taking a shower and hurry blindly to the bathroom. Once inside, I stand with my back to the door, staring at my reflection. Everything about me is wrong. My hair is too dark, my eyes are too brown. I am nothing like the women he dates now.

I turn away from the mirror and undress, all the while thinking about how I can't run away from it anymore. Today opened my eyes in ways I never imagined it would. I can clearly see the life we could have had... a life that deep down I now know I've always wanted. And yet now when I can finally admit to myself that I still love him, I am less sure than ever of the feelings he had for me. How can any of it have been real when he now dates women who are exactly like his ex-wife?

The shower erases my tears as I slide down onto the porcelain and hug my legs to me. I press my face into my knees in a desperate bid to muffle my sobs as all my regrets finally consume me.

* * *

**Next I'm going to post two 'new' stories. Both of these relate to Secrets and Lies. The first one will be Bella's Outtakes which show what happened between her and Edward when she was 18 and leading up to Jacob's birth. It is two chapters.**

**Then I will post Edward's outtakes (Three chapters). These also deal with the same time period but from Edward's point of view. There is also an outtake written for a charity fund raiser. This outtake is also in Edward's point of view but shows what happened when Jasper travelled to Brasil to tell Edward about his son. It also contains Edward's point of view form this chapter and some scenes from previous ones. They should be on my profile later tonight. **

**Thank you for reading.**

**Kat**


	16. Chapter 16

**I've decided to post the next few chapters of this first, since I've misplaced one of the Epov chapters. It will be on a pen drive somewhere. I'm so lax about these things. **

**The next three chapters might be a bit of a trigger for some as they deal with Charlie's illness.**

* * *

Charlie frowns at the flat screen which now has pride of place on the dresser in front of his bed. We've just arrived home from the hospital, and it was no mean feat helping him up the stairs. Even now, sitting on the edge of his bed, his breathing is still laboured and his body is trembling from the effort of climbing them.

I drop his bags on the floor and move to his side. "What's wrong?"

He points at the TV. "What's that doing up here?"

"Seth and I brought it up last night. He did all the connections for it," I explain.

A small film of sweat has formed on his brow, and his face is grey with exhaustion. He raises a shaky hand and wipes it across his forehead, before looking at me again. "But _why's_ it up here?"

"There's a game on tonight. I thought you'd like to watch it," I say, beginning to think bringing it up here might not have been a good idea after all. "And it saves you having to strug... use up all your energy on the stairs."

His eyes snap angrily to mine. "So I'm stuck in this room for the rest of my days?"

"Don't be like that," I say gently.

His sigh is harsh and he winces in pain as soon as he expels it.

I kneel down before him. "Look, you're home now. I'm just trying to speed up the recovery. There's no point in you traipsing up and down stairs when you don't have to, and there's no point missing the game either."

"Recovery," he scoffs cynically.

I stand up. "As soon you get your strength back, Seth and I will take the TV back down." He snorts at me. "Or you can carry the goddamned thing back down yourself!" I yell, suddenly losing my temper. I turn to leave because I'm not angry with him, I'm angry with the situation and I shouldn't be taking it out on him.

"Bella," he says quietly.

I whirl. "NO! You're not doing this, Dad. You had a setback. You'll get your strength back, things will get better..." I can feel the heat of my tears stinging my eyes. "Don't do this!"

He holds his hand out to me and I crumble. Falling to my knees, I grip his hand and press my wet face into it. His other hand smoothes over my hair and we apologise at the same time, though _he_ has nothing to apologise for. He murmurs gently that he loves me while my tears fall onto his knee.

"I know," I whisper. "But don't give up, please!"

I've been on a knife edge since Dr. Sharp explained everything to me yesterday. The embolism has caused damage to Charlie's heart, and in his weakened state they can't risk further surgery. Despite the numerous pills and potions they've sent home with him, none of them are up to the task as his bouts of pain are now stronger and more frequent.

We also discussed Charlie's future care. Dr. Sharp gave me leaflets for the hospices, but I informed him that Charlie wants to stay home. There was a horrible sense of finality about it when we discussed the options, but I can't seem to accept that this could be happening sooner rather than later. Even though I made it through the discussion and helped Charlie make decisions, none of it felt real. I felt like we were speaking hypothetically – because it's not time yet.

Brushing my tears away, I force myself to look up at him. The bleak look in his eyes makes me close mine.

"Thank you for bringing it up," he says, and because I'd forgotten about the damn TV, his words confuse me at first. "But we'll take it back down in a few days." He looks over my head. "When I feel better."

I force a smile. "Get some sleep. I'll bring you some soup later."

He nods and sags back against the pillow, still fully clothed and closes his eyes.

I slip out of the room and hurry downstairs.

. The soup takes all of twenty minutes, and as it cooks, I begin to scrub every surface. By the time Sue comes to the door I'm on my hands and knees cleaning the floor in the hallway.

"He's having a rest," I say wearily, wiping a damp strand of hair from my forehead as Sue steps past me.

She eyes the wet floor and looks at me questioningly. "It's okay," I insist. "I can go over it again later."

I make us some coffee, and Sue asks all the relevant questions about Charlie that I'm sure I'll be answering repeatedly for the next few days. She expresses concern for my well-being, and I can tell by her dubious expression that my insistence that I'm okay is not convincing.

"I'd like to help as much as I can," she says gently. "We all would. If you'll let us, we can make this easier on you and Charlie... and Jacob, of course."

She's right. I can't do this alone, and it wouldn't be fair to Jacob to be stuck here all the time in such an intense environment. I worry about the effect this will have on him, if he's here all the time with just me for company.

I look at her and nod. "Thanks, Sue." Then I think back to earlier, and fresh tears spring to my eyes. "Oh God," I gasp, and her eyes are full of concern when she grabs my hand and asks what's wrong. "I was so horrible to Charlie earlier. I snapped at him for ..." I blink away my tears as I try to focus on her face. "It's like he's giving up, Sue!"

She stands up and rounds the table, pulling my head against her chest. "He's not giving up, Bella. He's facing up. And you have to do the same." She takes half a step back and tilts my head up. "He'll need your support, now more than ever. There's a lot of things he'll want to reconcile himself with before..." She shakes her head a little, and I realise I'm not the only one having trouble dealing with it. "He'll want to put things in order, get some closure and ignoring his illness won't help him."

I know she's right, but I don't know if I have the strength and courage to help him while he closes all the doors before he goes.

"It's such a waste," I lament. "All of it. I wasted so much time and energy blaming him for things that weren't his fault. All I had to do was tell him I love him. And now–"

"And now, you have the chance to make the best of this precious time. Forget about everything that's happened, Bella, you can't change it. Don't let it rob you of what you can have now."

My head dips. "I don't know if I'm strong enough."

"Now you listen to me," she says, pulling her chair around and sitting directly in front of me. "You're here. You came when he needed you and despite everything else that's going on, you're coping. You don't need me or anyone else to tell you that you're strong, Bella. You just need to believe in yourself. You _can_ do this... and we'll be here to help you."

She rifles through her bag and hands me a tissue. She waits while I blow my nose loudly and try to compose myself again. I look at her through bleary eyes. "I just don't know what to expect. I thought all I had to worry about was bringing him home and then he'd get his strength back, but when Dr. Sharp started talking about hospices and day visits, it shocked me. I never expected things to change overnight."

"I know," she says sadly. "But it's all about getting everything in place, making decisions now that will make it easier for him. We just have to make the best of it and take what comes."

"I'm so glad I have you and your family, Sue. You've been a good friend to Charlie and..."

"Shhh!" she scolds gently. "Charlie has been a good friend to us too. He was there for us when Harry passed." Her eyes dull with sadness briefly, before she snaps out of it and looks over to the stove. "Soup?" she asks, completely changing her tone as if we haven't just had a heart wrenching talk. She stands up when I nod. "Let's see if we can get him to eat some."

My knees bounce as I sit in the car waiting for Jacob. I can see Victoria in her usual spot, and for once, her eyes haven't swung my way. I have to admit I've been nervous since leaving the house. After the altercation last week, I'm worried that Victoria might try to stir up some trouble. Unfortunately, the only way she can get to me is through Jacob, and that's the last thing we need right now.

My mood soars when I see Jacob darting out the gates and happily skipping towards the car.

"Hi." He beams as he throws his bag into the front seat before getting in the back.

"Good day?" I ask, eyeing him through the mirror as he clicks his seatbelt into place.

He looks up and smiles broadly. "I got a part in the school play," he announces. "Mrs Appleby picked me to play Jolly Roger."

"I take it it's about pirates?" I deadpan.

His eyes connect with mine. "Yeah, how did you know that?"

I laugh, feeling some of the days tension leave me. "Lucky guess. So is this a big part?"

"It's the _main_ part. I had to addition for it and everything," he replies proudly.

"Audition," I correct. "You had to audition for it."

"Whatever." He shrugs happily, before he starts talking at a hundred miles an hour. "I have tons of lines to learn... oh... can you pass me my bag? I've got a list of things I'll need for my costume."

"We can look at it when we get home," I tell him as I start the engine. "I'm glad you had a good day, Jacob," I say, as we drive past Victoria.

When we arrive back at the house, he finally remembers that Charlie was due home.

"Did Grandpa Charlie come home today?" he asks, scooping his bag off the seat and following me to the house. When I nod he bolts up the porch steps. "I can't wait to tell him my good news!"

I only let him stay with Charlie for less than fifteen minutes. Charlie perks up with Jacob around, but it's not long before his energy starts to flag again. I entice Jacob away with the promise of a phone call to Edward. Charlie looks grateful as Jacob leaves to make his call.

"If you're up to it later, Jacob and I could come up and watch the game with you?" I suggest.

He smiles. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier," I say, but he waves away my apology.

"Make sure you bring me a beer for the game," he says with a forced smile.

I look at the clutter of pill bottles on the night stand. "I don't think you can drink alcohol," I remark, looking at them pointedly.

His laugh is weak but heartfelt. "Bella, if I can survive forty pills a day, one beer won't kill me."

"No, maybe not," I agree. "But just one."

He smiles. "Just one."

Over the course of the next couple of days Charlie does regain some strength, and though he's not quite ready to be out of bed, the improvement in him is heartening.

On Thursday afternoon Sue stops by to spend time with him, giving me the perfect opportunity to meet Edward so we can talk before collecting Jacob from school. While so far Jacob's week has gone well, we have decided to go ahead with the plan to tell him about our past – before someone else does.

He arrives just after lunch time, and I head out to his car wondering where we'll go to talk. It needs to be somewhere private, but after my epiphany on Saturday regarding my feelings for him – I'm not sure I want to be alone with him.

He leans over and opens the car door for me as I approach.

"Hi," he says with a smile as I get in. "How's your father?"

"He's improving," I reply, not wanting to elaborate on it today.

"That's good," he says with a comforting smile. "How much time do we have before we need to be at the school?"

"A couple of hours."

"So we need to stay in Forks," he says quietly, and I get the impression he has something up his sleeve. "There's not enough time to go anywhere else."

"No. So what do you have in mind?"

When we made the arrangements, Thursday was the only day Edward could clear his schedule. I'd intended for us to talk at home, but now that Charlie is there I had envisioned another awkward meeting at the diner.

"Alice said we can use her house," he says, shooting me a sidelong glance.

"Absolutely not!"

He sighs. "Jasper is out of town on business and Alice is at work. We won't be disturbed." He looks at me again and arches an eyebrow.

"Okay," I huff.

It's not ideal, but it beats hushed tones in the diner.

He leads me into the house, ushering me into the room I had my confrontation with Alice in. He takes my jacket from me before inviting me to sit down. I watch as he takes his own jacket off and throws it over the back of the sofa.

It's really quite remarkable how changed he is physically. Though he's still achingly handsome, he's far more polished than he used to be. His hair was never neat before, nor his clothes this elegant and pristine. Even his shoes are gleaming. There is not a thing about him that reminds me of his former casual dishevelment.

Of course, I've noticed all this before, but not quite with the same level of interest I do now. Before it was only in casual observation, but today I find myself looking at him through the eyes of someone who will never be in his league. As someone who probably never was.

"Can I get you anything?" he asks, and my eyes snap up from his shoes to his face.

"No, thanks," I mutter, mentally shaking myself out of these pointless musings.

He sits down opposite me, rubbing his clasped hands together, drawing my attention to his manicured fingernails. "So, will we bring Jacob back here after school to talk?"

"I was planning on talking to him tonight – alone," I tell him. "I just thought we should discuss what I'm going to say."

His face hardens briefly. "You know, you're not in this alone anymore Bella. I thought we'd established that."

"I know that. I just feel it would be easier for Jacob if I do it," I argue.

"You don't think he'll have questions for both of us?" he asks, raising his eyebrows.

I think about that, and it's perhaps the exact reason I don't want Edward to be there when I talk to Jacob. I have no idea what he'll ask, and he may raise subjects that neither of us are ready to confront.

Edward is still waiting for an answer.

I swallow. "I have no idea how he'll deal with this. I haven't told him any of the details of our... relationship."

"So what are you planning on telling him?" he asks.

"That you were married." I rub a hand down my face. "Actually, I don't know what to say to him. He's nine years old... how much of this is he going to understand? He'll just know it was wrong, and I don't want to upset him." The weight of everything starts to bear down on me and out of nowhere I feel tears spring to my eyes. "There's so much upset already," I whisper, my thoughts drifting back to Charlie.

I hear him move before I feel the dip of the sofa as he sits down beside me. To my horror, grief grips me and tears I've been holding back for days just won't be held back any longer. Burying my face in my hands, I can't stifle the sobs that are coming with such force that my voice reverberates in the empty room.

His hand slides across my shoulders, gently pulling me towards him, but I can't fall into his embrace. As much as I want to find comfort in his arms, I know it would be cold comfort in the end.

This is not why we're here. I resist him and try to apologise, but my words shudder embarrassingly. He leaves me briefly and then comes back and presses a tissue into my hand. It occurs to me that I should probably think about carrying some around with me, since it seems I'm fated to break down at the drop of a hat.

I wipe my eyes and nose, and even though I'm not sobbing anymore, the tears just won't stop.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks quietly.

My first instinct is to say no, but I nod anyway. "I just... I didn't expect things to change so quickly." I glance up at him. "I'm sorry. This isn't helping anything."

His eyes scan my face. "Are you so used to coping alone that you won't entertain the idea of letting someone share the burden with you?"

His question makes me realise that while I've been happy to accept help from the Clearwaters and take Mike's advice on board—I haven't let Edward in. He used to be the one person in my life who I felt really listened to me—the one I went to when I was desperate to be heard. And even though he is here now, I can't help but think that he's the one who took that away…and I don't know if I can ever let anyone in like that again.

I tell him what's happening with Charlie, and the resigned way he listens to me tells me that he's not surprised at all that things have progressed so quickly. This upsets me more, so I change the subject back to Jacob, asking him what he wants to do.

"I think we should bring Jacob back here after school and talk to him together," he suggests. "It makes no sense for you to do it alone.' He pauses for a moment, with his elbows resting on his knees. "If he gets angry and upset, surely it's better if both of us are here for him."

His concern for Jacob pleases me, but at the same time it reminds me that this is not about me or the torch I'm still carrying. With the myriad of emotions swirling through me it's been too easy to forget that we are not the same people. He's not the man I used to know, and I'm not that girl who needed him. He's here for Jacob, nothing more.

Gathering together the tiny shreds of composure that I have left, I turn to face him. "I'm not sure how he'll take the news, Edward. He's about to find out that his parents aren't infallible. It's tough for any kid to find out that their parents are mere human beings with faults like anyone else. Jacobs built up this godlike vision of you, and I'm worried that you being here will cause more damage than good. Maybe when he's had time to digest it, you could talk to him then?"

I watch as he stands up and paces to the other side of the room. "I'm a part of this," he insists, not looking at me. "I'm not about to hide behind you and wait till after the fall out. If he's going to be angry or upset with us then I owe it to him to be there."

He could be right, and if he wants to be here then I can't really stop him. I nod and pull in another long shuddering breath. Edward suggests making some tea to calm me, but I doubt even a horse tranquiliser could settle my nerves today.

I manage to convince him that it would be better if I pick Jacob up and bring him here, rather than us turning up at the school together. While we've already been seen together at the school, doing so today would be like dropping blood in the water.

After he drops me at home, I check in to find Sue and Charlie watching an old movie on the small TV in the living room... well Sue is – Charlie is dozing on the sofa.

Jacob asks me where we are going, and I tell him that we are meeting Edward, but I don't elaborate that the house is Alice's. He's delighted to see Edward, which only increases my anxiety because I know his joy will be short lived today.

He looks around the room and zeroes in on some photographs displayed in frames on a sideboard.

"That's Alison," he says, picking one up.

"Alice," Edward corrects.

Jacob looks at them all picking them up. "Who's this?"

Edward looks at me nervously. "That's Jasper, Alice's husband."

"And this?" He holds up another.

"Jacob," I say. "We need to talk to you. You can look at the pictures later."

"Is this Alice's house?" he asks, completely disregarding what I just said. "Where is she? Is that why I'm here? Did you bring me here to meet her?"

"Jacob!"

Edward glances at me when my voice rises, and I close my eyes and take a deep calming breath before speaking again.

I look at Jacob. "Sit down please. There's some things we need to talk with you about."

He turns and glances at me, before looking at Edward who nods. He sits down, but his eyes are still scanning the room. Edward sits down beside me, leaving Jacob alone on the couch opposite us. Finally, his eyes rest on us and he frowns.

"Where's your family?" he asks, addressing Edward.

Edward shoots me a confused look so I step in. "Jacob, remember when those boys at school said some mean things about me?"

"When they said you were _doing the nasty_ with Mike?" he says so innocently, it's almost comical.

Edward stiffens beside me. I shoot him a warning glance; this is not the time for him to get angry about the inappropriate things kids say to each other at school.

I refocus on Jacob. "Well, it's not really about what they said. It's just that it made me think that." I look and see Edward still bristling. "Your dad and I felt we should be honest with you so that nobody else can... hurt you like that again."

"They didn't hurt me," he says defensively, looking at Edward in a way that tells me he's worried Edward might think less of him.

"I know sweetie," I say and receive a stern look from Jacob, which I suspect is because I called him sweetie again.

"What do you want to tell me?" he asks, looking between us alternately.

Edward stands up and goes to the mantelpiece. Jacob and I both watch him as he stands with his back to us for a moment before turning round and looking directly at Jacob. All at once his demeanor has changed and he suddenly looks every inch the authority figure. Like he's suddenly detached himself from the situation, and I wonder if this is some sort of coping mechanism for him.

"There're some things we think we should explain to you," Edward begins, but Jacob cuts him off.

"I already know that you and mom aren't married," Jacob says with an eye roll, he glances at me. "And I know what the B-word means."

I gasp. "Jacob! We're no–"

"When's your family coming?" Jacob says to Edward, ignoring me.

"They're not. That's not why we brought you here," Edward responds.

"So, is this your house? Did you bring me here to meet your wife?" Jacob asks, shocking us both.

Edward's eyes go wide like saucers. "I don't have a wife," he says quietly.

"Girlfriend?" Jacob asks.

If I was a dog, my ears would be pricking up right about now.

Edward swallows and glances at me quickly, before turning back to Jacob. "I don't have a girlfriend either."

Jacob regards him for a moment, as if weighing something up in his mind. He looks at me and his brow furrows before his gaze returns to Edward. "So why didn't you marry my mom?"

Edward looks at him levelly. "That's what we're trying to tell you. When I ... knew your mom, I already had a wife," he says.

"Jesus, Edward!" I splutter. "You can't just go blurting everything out."

Jacob looks... well I'm not exactly sure how Jacob looks. Despite my outburst, he's still staring at Edward. His expression hasn't changed, his brow is still furrowed and his mouth is set in a grim, determined line.

I'm beginning to wonder if either of them heard me, because Edward doesn't react to me either. He simply sits down beside Jacob before covering his hand with his own.

"I know this might be difficult for you to understand, but I always want to be honest with you, Jacob. I've done some things in my life that I regret, very much, because they hurt the people I loved. I lied and I cheated and I'm not proud of it." He stops briefly when Jacob slides his hand out from under his. "But, I won't ever lie to you. I'm very proud to be your dad, and I'm sorry that I haven't been around."

Jacob blinks at him but says nothing. I wonder if Edward has just talked himself down off the pedestal that Jacob had placed him on. They stare at one another and I feel like maybe I should say something to dispel the tension, but this is their moment. This is a father laying his cards on the table in front of his son.

"What happened to your wife?" Jacob asks in a voice so quiet he's barely audible.

"We got divorced. She has a new husband, and she's very happy," Edward says, still using that same calm voice. I marvel at how unruffled he seems. I, on the other hand, am freaking out inside.

"Do you have other children?"

The pain in Jacob's voice is matched by the flicker of pain that sweeps across Edward's face. It takes all the strength I have not to go to Jacob and pull him into my arms.

The facade Edward has put on cracks, and he rubs his hand along his jaw nervously. "We did," he says. His eyes swing to mine, in silent question, and since he's already told Jacob he will never lie to him, I nod my head. He looks back at Jacob. "We had a little girl."

"Where is she?" Jacob gasps. I move to him then and slide my hand across his shoulder. He looks up at me, and his eyes are swimming with tears.

"She died when she was a baby." Edward's voice cracks.

Jacob stares at him. His face is a picture of confusion and misery as his eyes roam Edward's face. "You never wanted me," he accuses.

"Jacob!" I scold gently. "You can't say that. Edward didn't know about you. We talked about this."

His eyes turn angrily to me. "He didn't want us. He had his wife and his baby!" he shouts. "And you never told me!"

He stands up and shrugs out of my grip when I try to hold onto his arm. He stops at the window.

Edward looks stricken, but when he opens his mouth to speak I shake my head to dissuade him.

Coming up behind Jacob, I put my hand on his shoulder and he stiffens. "Jacob, these things happened a long time ago. We made mistakes and too many bad choices, but none of it changes the way your dad feels about you," I say, trying to reassure him. "And it shouldn't change the way you feel about him. He's here now..." I glance at Edward. "And that's what's important."

"So it's your fault?" he says harshly. "He didn't come to live with us because of _you_?"

I draw in a deep breath. "I did what I thought was best."

"You're a liar!" he yells. "I want to go home," he adds abruptly, turning to the door.

"Jacob, I know this isn't easy, but don't yell at me," I say, barely managing to contain my emotions.

Edward moves forward and tries to speak, but Jacob turns his back on him. I mouth to Edward to give him time.

Edward drives us home in silence. Jacob broods in the back while we brood in the front of the car. Edward has barely stopped the car when Jacob leaps out and runs into the house.

"I fucked it up, didn't I?"

I turn and look at him. "It's me he's angry with right now. Let me go talk to him and see if I can calm him down." He looks at me dubiously. "Come inside and wait. I'll try to get him to talk to you. I don't want this to fester."

He agrees, and as we walk across the yard I start to hope that Charlie will be upstairs. However, when we get inside, he's sitting on the sofa and Sue is preparing to leave. Charlie's eyes widen a little when he sees Edward, but I have no time to dwell on that. I tell Edward to sit down and head upstairs to deal with Jacob.

He's thoroughly miserable when I join him in the bedroom. I go to great lengths explaining to him that what Edward and I did was wrong, but that at no point did it mean that he himself wasn't wanted. He bombards me with questions, telling me he thinks I've kept him hidden because I'm ashamed of him.

I always feared this would happen, and this could very well be my penance for making all the wrong choices. All I can do is keep telling him how much I love him and how much I want Edward to be a part of his life from now on. Eventually, he begins to see the truth in my words and starts to relax a little, but he won't let me comfort him. In the end I have to give him the space he needs to work through his thoughts.

It is with a heavy heart that I head downstairs to tell Edward what's going on. I haven't made it halfway down when I hear them. Their voices are harsh and insistent, and it's clear from the whisper hisses that they are trying to keep it down.

"... so you think that makes it okay?" Edward's voice is cold and bitter.

"I did it for her." Charlie's voice is weary and tinged with guilt. "Look, I thought I was protecting her. I thought your wife had thrown you out so you came back looking for second best."

I stop mid step and lay my foot down gently, pressing my back to the wall as if I fear that they will see through it and spot me.

"Second best?" Edward's voice is outraged. "You have no idea. Nobody had any fucking idea, but it didn't stop you all doing your best to..." I hear his loud sigh. "You know what? It doesn't even matter anymore. It's all fucked up now anyway!"

I press myself farther into the wall when I hear his footsteps.

"Wait!" Charlie hisses desperately. The footsteps halt. "I just got her back and... well, with everything that's going on, I've come to realise that what I did was wrong." I catch Edward's bitter snort but Charlie continues. "I regret it now, and I know I can't ever take it back or make it right, but for what it's worth... I'm sorry."

My mind starts to reel. What on earth is he talking about? What could Charlie possibly have to apologise for?

I hold my breath since the room is so silent.

I detect the sounds of movement and then the creaking of leather, but still neither of them speak. I'm just debating whether to join them when Edward speaks again.

"She's your daughter. You did what you thought was best." His voice carries the tone of forgiveness.

"I was wrong," Charlie responds. "I robbed you all of the chance to have a life together."

Another creak of leather. "Well, I guess we'll never know," Edward says and the coldness has seeped back into his tone. "I should go. I doubt Jacob will want to speak to me tonight anyway."

I am on the bottom step by the time he steps out into the hallway. He looks at me with stormy eyes that hold mine for a moment before he asks if Jacob wants to speak to him. When I shake my head, he nods as if he expected nothing more. He storms out without a word.

"How much did you hear?" Charlie asks, turning weakly when I step into the living room.

"What did you do, Dad?"

"Come and sit down," he says, glancing up at my face. "Please?"

Numbly I do as he asks, and he takes my hand in his. It strikes me that his hand is very cold, and I automatically cover his with my other hand and rub some warmth into it.

"I tried to tell you that day we went fishing," he begins. "I've had a lot of time to think since you got back and... well, one thing this damn cancer has given me is clarity," he says bitterly. "When I look back at my life, I can see that all the things that I thought mattered, really didn't. Pride is a wasted emotion," he says, almost to himself, before shaking the thought away. His head dips into his hands. "I need to tell you how sorry I am for all of this."

"All of what?" I ask. I feel like I won't be able to stand another emotional conversation, but remembering Sue's words and seeing the need in his eyes, I take his hand and encourage him to continue.

"It's such a mess," he says, not looking at me. "Jacob having to deal with meeting his dad. You having to deal with Edward and his family. It should have been resolved years ago."

"Dad," I prompt. "Why were you apologising to Edward?"

He lets go of my hand and rubs his moustache. He doesn't begin to speak until his eyes meet mine. "When Edward came back here looking for you, a couple of months after you left." He swallows. "I wouldn't tell him where you were and warned him not to go looking for you – that you were better off without him."

Relief washes over me. "I know this already, Dad... and you were probably right."

"I wasn't, Bella," he says with self-reproach. "I should have called you and told you he had come, and we should have sat down like normal people and worked it out. Jacob would have had his dad... I would have had you..." The tears shimmering in his eyes scare me. He's my dad; I can't stand to see him this upset.

"He heeded your words easily," I reason. "He never really wanted me, Dad. He didn't fight for me, so for all we know he wouldn't have fought for Jacob either. Sure, he's fully on board now, but he's a different man. He has nothing to lose now... he did back then, and he chose to fight for that instead."

"You don't understand," Charlie says, still looking wracked with guilt. "I lied to him. I told him you'd started college and..." he pause, his face ridden with guilt. "...that you'd met someone else. I told him you were happy with someone your own age."

He points to the chair. "He sat in that very chair and told me how much he loved you and about promises he'd made. He wanted to make good on those promises. We argued for a long time that day. He begged me to tell him where you were. But I told him you were too young for him; you weren't interested in settling down. Even though I knew that's exactly what you were having to do and you were heartbroken. I could see that he was too... but I still lied to him because I hated him, and I wanted him to hurt just as much as he'd hurt you."

Memories of those dark months came back to me. All I did was sit in my room to think about Edward... torturing myself with thoughts of him and Irina decorating their new home. Making a nursery for their baby and happily planning the rest of their lives together. There were times the pain was so bad I could barely stand it. It permeated everything, it was there – constantly bearing down on me and I was losing sight of everything. I felt like I had no future. I was stuck in the past, longing for a life that had been promised to me and yet cruelly snatched away.

Renee was beside herself, she didn't know what to do with me and even called Charlie to ask if she should get me professional help. I didn't know that at the time, she told me years later how terrifying those months were. How empty I was.

It was only when Jacob started to move inside me that I started to fight against it. He was the chink of light that gave me hope and from then on it was all about him. He was my reason for being, and I somehow found a way to push Edward to the back of my mind.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Charlie says, his eyes searching mine. "I just had to be honest with you. If there's any chance for you two to work through this, I have to be honest with you. You have to know that it wasn't just Edward who let you down – I did too."

I take his hand again, and pulling it to my lips, I kiss it. I pull his arm around me and press my face to his chest. He holds me tight while I weep.

* * *

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	17. Chapter 17

A light nudge on my shoulder rouses me. Blinking, I look around the room. Charlie's room.

"You two best get off to bed," Charlie says. His voice is quiet and his words slightly laboured.

I feel Jacob curled up by my side, sleeping soundly.

"What time is it?" I whisper groggily.

"Almost nine."

I sit up and Jacob grumbles beside me. Rubbing my hands down my face, I glance at the TV. "We winning?" I ask Charlie, feigning interest.

Over the past couple of weeks Charlie's condition has deteriorated. He hardly eats and lacks the strength to make the stairs. His pain is almost ever present, and I've already spent more than one night holding a basin while he retches into it. The nurses from the hospice visit daily to check him over and do all the things that he won't let me do – like wash him and change his pyjamas.

Seth and I brought the TV back up the other day. This time Charlie didn't complain. I don't think he has the energy to. Jacob and I came up to watch the game with him tonight, but the events of the last week or so have taken their toll on us all.

I give Jacob a quick shake and tell him it's time for bed. He grumbles sleepily, gets up as if on autopilot and trudges towards the door – pausing only to throw a quick "Goodnight, Grandpa" over his shoulder. I tell Charlie I'll be back and follow Jacob out.

I make sure his clothes are ready for the following day and then sit on his bed, waiting for him to come out of the bathroom. Things have been different with Jacob since our conversation with Edward. At first he was angry and resentful, but then finally began to ask questions about Edward and I. He revealed that his biggest worry was that we were ashamed of him and _that _was why we were keeping him away from Edward's family.

Although answering his awkward questions wasn't easy, it did give me the opportunity to better explain to him why introducing him to the family would be difficult for me. I think that he's finally starting to accept that though his parents aren't perfect, we do love him—more than anything. Of course, having a closer bond with me has meant that he's been taking all of his frustrations out on me, whereas when he speaks with Edward he's just been more detached. I've only spoken to Edward myself once since Charlie's revelation, but it seemed clear at the time that Jacob wasn't the only one who'd become detached since then—Edward had too.

Charlie is my main concern, but I want to keep us all uplifted, and it's been the little things – like helping Jacob learn his lines for the school play that have offered the distractions we all need to get through this.

The door opens and in he comes, hugging me and kissing my cheek before saying goodnight and getting into bed. I sit for a while, just watching him, because I can tell by the way he won't look at me that there is something new on his mind. At last, he turns his head and looks up at me.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

He swallows and bites his lip a little before speaking. "I don't really like going into Grandpa Charlie's room now," he says, his voice a soft, hesitant whisper. "It's not him... it's..." He blanches a little. "There's a smell."

I've noticed it myself the last few days. It's a heavy acrid smell that constantly lingers in the air, although at times it can be quite strong. It's hardly surprising, since Charlie's taking so many pills, yet barely able to hold any food down. The first time I smelled it, it was like fire and brimstone, and I didn't like the direction that took my thoughts in.

I sweep a hand gently over Jacob's hair. "I'm going to call Nana Renee and ask her if she can come here," I say sadly. "I need to stay here with Grandpa Charlie, but I think maybe Nana could look after you somewhere else for a little while."

He sits bolt upright. "Where? I don't want to leave you here on your own." His voice is high with alarm and I shush him, telling him to keep it down in case Charlie hears.

"You can stay in a hotel with her. She'll take you to school, and I'll still see you every day," I tell him, trying to smile. "It'll be nice to see her, won't it?"

"Yes, but why can't she just come and stay here for a while?"

With a heavy sigh, I tuck my hair behind my ears and then pull his hands into mine. Looking into his face, I wait till his eyes meet mine. "Grandpa is very sick now, and I don't think it's good for you to be here. It's better if you're with Nana, and I stay here with Grandpa. Do you understand?"

Tears fill his eyes, and I can hardly see him through my own. "He's going to die, isn't he?" he whispers.

I feel the heat of the tears as they blaze down my cheeks. "Yes." It comes out as a sob more than a word. Somehow I manage to retain enough composure to speak. "It'll be okay though; I'll be here with him."

He flings himself into my arms, and I hold him as tight as I can. The tremors coursing through his body as he cries break my heart. "I'm sorry, baby," I whisper. "I'm sorry."

I must have fallen asleep, because I am awakened by the sound of Charlie's groans. Jacob snuffles beside me but thankfully doesn't wake. I slip out of the room and hurry into Charlie's. He is on his side, doubled over, and his face is tight with pain. As I reach to switch on the beside lamp I knock bottles over on his nightstand, and quickly rifle through them until I find the liquid morphine.

I measure the dose and then manage to get him onto his back so I can give it to him. He grimaces at the taste, but within moments he starts to relax a little. His body is slick with sweat and his covers are soaked through. As soon as his body relaxes I try to move him to the other side of the bed, but his muscles just won't cooperate and he is a dead weight in my arms. I notice how shallow his breathing is, and panic starts to grip me. Before I lose control completely, I head for the phone and call the hospice.

At four a.m. two nurses arrive and I am amazed how they are so calm and professional and yet compassionate at the same time. Within minutes of arriving, one of them makes a call and informs me that they've called one of the doctors out to come and see him. Out of my mind with worry, I make a barely coherent call to Sue before checking on Jacob. Sue and the doctor arrive at the same time.

"I didn't want to be here alone in case Jacob wakes up," I explain to Sue desperately.

Her stricken expression reflects how I feel, but she still takes the time to help me calm down. She consoles me, telling me everything will be alright. She takes control, telling me she'll get Leah to take Jacob to school, insisting that the doctor and nurses will make sure Charlie's okay.

I'm amazed that all the comings and goings haven't woken Jacob. I'm thankful for small mercies. The doctor finally comes down to talk to me. He's from the hospice so I've never met him before, and I don't catch his name. All I want is for him to tell me Charlie's okay.

He explains that Charlie's heart is very weak and that he has a swelling in his abdomen that might be cause for concern. He tries to convince me that the best place for Charlie would be the hospice, but I refuse to even entertain the idea. It's not what Charlie wants.

"The nurses are fitting a catheter so he won't have to get out of bed," the doctor explains. "They'll keep an eye on the swelling, but if it gets worse then he will have to be hospitalised so we can drain it."

Sue squeezes my arm to dissuade me when I open my mouth to argue. The doctor smiles sympathetically, makes sure that I know the correct dosage for the morphine, then leaves.

I make the call to Renee.

In the morning Jacob is surprised to find Leah already here. He knows there is something wrong because there is no delight in his expression when he sees her. I explain to him that Leah is taking him to school and at first he asks if he can stay home, but he agrees to go when I remind him that he has a rehearsal for the play. Even the news that Renee will be arriving tonight doesn't placate him, so when Leah leaves with him, I call the school and explain the situation to them in the hope that they will keep a watchful eye on him.

I go to Charlie's room. The nurses washed him and changed the bed and he is propped up on the pillows. I'm surprised when his eyes open as I creep towards him.

"How are you feeling?" I ask.

"Like I've been hit by a truck," he croaks weakly. He smoothes his hand over the cover beside him, indicating that he wants me to sit down. I do, and he takes my hand in his. "I think I should go to the hospice," he says slowly. His breathing is still shallow, and his words slur a little. "It's not right for Jacob to see me like this."

"I called Mom," I tell him. My voice shakes on every word. "She's coming here tonight. She's going to stay with him in a hotel for a f... while."

His eyes widen, and he tries to shake his head. "No, that's not–"

I press my finger to his lips. "Shhh. It's already been decided."

His eyes drift closed, and I notice how dark the circles are beneath them. His eyebrows are almost completely white, as is his moustache above his cracked lips. I smooth my palm over his hollow cheek and his eyes open again. "I'm staying here with you," I vow.

"I don't deserve you," he protests weakly. "I let you down so many times." It takes him a long time to get the words out, and I know he's growing desperately tired again.

"Don't say that," I beg. "I love you, and I know you love me. That's all that matters, Dad."

"I don't want to leave you," he says as a lone tear spills from his eye and trickles down his cheek. "It's my fault you and Jacob are alone..."

I lean closer and kiss his forehead, unable to dwell on the first part of his sentence. I know he's referring to his confession to Edward. We haven't talked about it, but I thought he knew I didn't blame him.

"Don't make the same mistakes I did, Bella. You have to go after what you want, and even if you don't get it then you've lost nothing." His voice is so very quiet, and I feel his breath on my skin as I stay close to him. "But you have everything to gain. Don't be alone. Don't let yourself get to my age and be left with nothing but regrets."

My mind drifts back to that day I overheard part of his conversation with Edward. I wonder what else they might have discussed that has brought about this turn around in Charlie. It feels like he's encouraging me to take a chance on Edward. Of course, it could be the morphine talking.

"We're not alone," I insist gently. "Jacob and I have each other. We've been happy – we'll still be happy."

His eyes cloud over and I can see the effort it is taking to keep them open. "Go to sleep," I whisper. "We can talk again later."

He's asleep within seconds, and I can't bear to leave, but when the phone rings I rush to answer in fear it might wake him. It's Mike. He tells me he saw Leah drop Jacob off and asks if everything is alright.

"Can you come over?" I ask, suddenly needing a friend.

Fifteen minutes later, he's on the doorstep wearing his most concerned expression.

Mindful that Charlie's still sleeping, I step out onto the porch and close the door behind me before bursting into tears. Mike wraps his arms around me at once, and I sob into his chest. He murmurs soothing words and waits till my tears subside.

I don't have to tell him what's going on, so I tell him about Renee instead.

"They can stay with me," he offers. "I've got the spare room... it has bunk beds in it but I'm sure if Jacob takes the top one your mom won't mind. It won't be for long... oh shit! I'm sorry!" he gasps mid-ramble. "I didn't mean... I'm sorry, I just think it'll be better than a hotel... and they can stay as long–"

"Mike," I interrupt. "Stop apologising." Wiping my face with my hands, I turn and lead him back into the house. "It's good of you to offer, but I can't ask you to do that."

He sits down at the kitchen table while I put the coffee maker on.

"Really Bella, it's no problem. It'll be better for Jacob. Think about it, he'll be able to travel to school with Amy and Louise, and my place is better than any of the hotels around here."

I lean against the counter and stare at him. He's so giving – yet never asks for anything in return. I wonder what kind of fool Jessica has become that she let this one get away.

He frowns a little. "Unless your mom would find it weird," he says.

This makes me smile for the first time today. "My mom never finds anything weird. But it's not that. I think Jacob could use time with her, away from all this... away from me." I say.

"Why would he need time away from you?" he asks, his brow furrowing in confusion.

I bring coffee to the table and sit down. I hug my mug in my hands and stare into its contents.

"Bella?"

I look at him and sigh. "Edward told him he was married... that we had an affair, and now he's confused and hurting. He thinks Edward never wanted him, and I ran away to Florida because I was ashamed of him." I shake my head. "You know how kids are. Once they get something into their head, it's very hard to convince them otherwise."

Mike bobs his head while I'm talking. "And they always take their hurt out on the one they're closest to."

"I just think he had this idea of Edward in his head, that he was perfect and now that his perception has been rocked, he's wondering what else he's been wrong about," I muse, finally vocalising everything that's been running through my head since it happened.

"Why did he tell him?" Mike asks the obvious question.

"Oh, don't get me wrong! It was a joint decision." I tell him what happened with Victoria and why we came to the decision we did.

"Oh God!" Mike groans. "She can be a real bitch. That's the reason I didn't want to go out with her again. She's got a real nasty attitude sometimes."

"Yeah, well I certainly didn't help things by flying off the handle like I did."

He blows out a sharp sigh. "If I thought it would help, I'd have a word with her."

"No! Thanks, but, I'm hoping it'll just blow over. I have enough to deal with here."

I feel tears threaten again.

"Don't start," he warns, smiling softly. "You'll start me off," he adds in a woman's voice.

I smile at his attempt to deflect my thoughts from it, and sip my coffee.

I spend the rest of the day checking on Charlie and cleaning. The house has never looked better, yet still I can't seem to work off the nervous energy that has my teeth grinding in my jaw.

Jacob's in a slightly better mood when he comes home from school, and doing his homework with him is a welcome diversion. Afterwards, I sit on the couch and watch him as he paces the living room reciting his lines for the play. Despite his comments about the smell yesterday, he comes in with me to see Charlie and he gives Charlie a little private performance.

I arranged for Leah to come and sit while I collect Renee, and she arrives just as I'm tucking Jacob in to bed. It takes longer than normal to convince him to go to sleep, and he's still awake by the time I leave. As soon as I see Renee I break down again, clinging to her at the arrivals gate like my life depends on it. She ends up having to drive us back to Forks, while I get all tongue tied and twisted in the passenger seat as I try to tell her everything that's happened since I got here.

By the time we get to the house, I'm completely frazzled and my nerves are shot, but it feels so good to have her here. It's the most settled I've felt in days.

Leah tells us that Charlie has gone to sleep for the night. She stays long enough to be introduced to Renee. After she leaves, Renee and I curl up together on the sofa and talk for a while longer. I tell her I'll book the hotel for her and Jacob tomorrow.

It doesn't take long before the events of the day start to tell on me and I can barely keep my eyes open. We make up a bed on the sofa, and after a brief argument over who should sleep on it, I head upstairs to bed, leaving her looking around what was once her living room.

By morning, the house is a hub of activity and Jacob wakes to find that not only Renee is here, but Sam, Leah, Sue and Seth have come too. I had only been expecting Sue, but Leah explains that she and Seth could take Jacob to school to let Renee settle in.

Sam is here to see Charlie, but I can't help but notice that he arrived with Leah and the rest of her family. But since there is no chance for us to have a secret catch up, all I get from Leah is a knowing smile when I raise my eyebrows surreptitiously in Sam"s direction.

Just how much Jacob has been missing Renee is evident in the way he shadows her every move. Even though it wasn't the plan, Jacob begs Renee to go with him to see his new school. While they're gone I book their hotel.

When Renee gets back, she insists on going up to see Charlie alone. I watch her go, and Sue tries to distract me by suggesting we make some sandwiches for lunch. I almost slice the top of my finger off more than once, so she relents and tells me to sit at the table while she does it. But I can't just sit there doing nothing, so I give into temptation and go upstairs to join my parents.

Renee is sitting on the edge of the bed smiling at Charlie, who is upright against the pillows. This is the first time I've seen my parents in a room together for ten years but it is the first time I've seen them this close in more than twenty.

Their voices are soft and they stop talking as I close the door behind me.

"You don't mind me coming up?" I ask, now feeling selfish for encroaching on their private moment.

Renee smiles. "Of course not, come in."

I sit down on a chair by the bed.

"My two girls," Charlie says with a wistful smile, causing me to wonder if he's still feeling the effects of the morphine I gave him early this morning. He raises his hand, cups Renee's cheek and sighs. "A waste," he murmurs.

Renee turns her head and kisses his palm. "No it wasn't. It just wasn't meant to be," she whispers.

"I never stopped loving you; I just didn't fight for you."

His words break my heart and yet Renee seems unfazed by them, she kisses his fingers smiling sweetly at him. "You gave me my little girl. I've always loved you for that, Charlie."

There is a sadness in her eyes, and while I know she has no regrets in her life, it's clear that she empathizes with the regrets Charlie harbours.

Time flies while we discuss long forgotten memories which consist mainly of the times in my life when I lived with either of them. They talk at length about Jacob too, and I'm surprised that Charlie has stayed awake so long. It's as if he wants to savour every moment with us. Eventually, unable to fight it any longer, he drifts off to sleep.

It isn't until we are out of the room that Renee sheds her tears. We go downstairs to find a note from Sue saying she had to go, which makes me feel bad for leaving her downstairs alone.

Renee and I spend the afternoon talking about everything – except what's important. She helps me pack up the essentials for Jacob and she tells me how good it is to see us again, that she's been so desperately worried about us.

Jacob remarked this morning that he's looking forward to spending time with Renee. It seems the prospect of staying in a hotel is an adventure to Jacob, but I also suspect that he'll be happy to get away from me for a while too. I've been far too fraught for far too long,and I know it hasn't escaped his notice.

After collecting him from school, Renee and I drive Jacob to the hotel. The room is large with two queen size beds. Jacob jumps on one of them and claims it, throwing his arms behind his head and spreading out on it. He beams at Renee before eyeing the phone and asking if he can order room service. This makes us laugh – it's hardly the Hilton.

"You and Nana will be having dinner at home with me," I tell him. His face falls.

"Can't we eat downstairs in the restaurant?"

Renee ruffles his hair. "And who's going to pay for all these expensive meals?" she smirks.

Jacob pouts, his shrug is non-committal.

"I'll tell you what," Renee decides. "We'll have dinner in the hotel on Saturday night. How about that?"

"Okay," Jacob agrees, perking up.

* * *

"Mom, it's only dinner in a hotel... in Forks!" I complain as she sweeps some shadow over my eyelids.

"You look so tired and washed out," she says, unperturbed. "If you look good, you feel good."

I doubt that very much but say nothing more while she adds colour to my cheeks and then starts opening and inspecting the fifty lipsticks she seems to have in her makeup bag. She settles on one and slides it across my lips. I giggle when I watch her own lips pout as she does so. She smiles.

"See? You feel better already."

I roll my eyes, which earns me a swat on the arm. I refuse when she tries to talk me into letting her loose with the curling iron. My hair has been washed and blow-dried – that's as fancy as I intend to get tonight.

She brought me a dress from home, too. The red one I bought last year for a sports awards ceremony that Phil took us to. I'm not really the dress wearing type. I could count the times I've worn one on one hand. Renee manoeuvres me to the mirror and I take in my appearance. Although I'm wearing minimal makeup and the dress is a simple shift that lies just above the knee, I feel entirely over dressed for dinner.

"You look lovely." Renee's reflection smiles at me. "I don't know why you don't make the effort more often. You'd find it much easier to get a man that way."

"Mom!" I grouse, turning away.

She goes to tell Jacob to get in the shower, while I go in to tell Charlie that Sam and Leah will be coming by to spend some time with him. His eyes roll in annoyance, and he mumbles about baby sitters.

His lips quiver a little when I sit down beside him. "Beautiful," he rasps.

I feel my cheeks heat as he lifts a shaky hand to cup my face. I press it to my cheek and smile.

"I won't be late," I tell him. "Mom's kind of insisting that I should get out of the house for a while."

He nods. "She's right."

I hear the knock on the door downstairs followed by Sam's voice when Renee answers it. I check that Charlie has had all his pills and that the morphine is there, before kissing him goodnight and going down to greet Sam and Leah.

Sam goes straight up to see Charlie. Leah remarks on how I look, but I'm more interested in making sure she's got my number and the doctor's numbers too. Renee scolds me for fussing just as Jacob comes careening down the stairs to greet Leah. Suddenly the house is too loud, and I tell Renee I'll wait out on the porch.

It's a mild evening, but I still hug my jacket around me as I feel the cool breeze hit me. I sit down on the bench, wishing it was a swing – there's something comforting about being rocked. Tilting my face, I look up at the sky. It's too cloudy to see the stars tonight, but for some reason it reminds me of times I stood and stared at the night sky for hours, wondering where beneath its glittering blanket Edward was.

"Leah's helping Jacob fix his hair," Renee says, startling me out of my bizarre reverie.

She shrugs into her jacket and sits beside me. Glancing up at the sky, she frowns. "Not much opportunity for star gazing here," she muses.

"I guess not," I say sadly.

"Oh, come on." She laughs gently. "Tonight's all about taking your mind off things for a little while. Let's see you smile."

I nod and force a smile. She's right, I do need a break from all the misery. I take in a deep, cleansing breath. "Thanks, Mom. It's so good having you here."

She moves to put her arm around me, but the sound of a car pulling up diverts our attention. We watch as a large black car stops directly in front of the house. The driver's door opens and Edward steps out. He's wearing a dark suit, a pale blue shirt with the top two buttons undone and no tie. He walks towards us, his eyes trained on me.

"Oh my God, who is_ that_?" Renee whispers beside me.

"Edward," I whisper back. "And don't say anything inappropriate," I warn, my lips barely moving.

As he moves up the porch steps his eyes dart to Renee, while mine dart to the sprinkling of hair peeking through the gap in his shirt.

"Hi," he says, and my eyes snap back up to his face. He runs a hand through his hair. He needs a haircut, it's threatening to become as wild and rambunctious as it used to be. His smile fades a little, and I realise Renee and I are both staring at him and haven't said a word.

"Sorry," I say, coming to my senses. "What are you doing here?" Well, almost coming to my senses. "Sorry, I just wasn't expecting you." He frowns before looking at Renee. "Oh! This is my mom, Renee." I'm blushing beet red thanks to my lack of manners.

He steps forward and holds his hand out to her, opening his mouth to greet her. She stands up and takes his hand. "So you're the guy who knocked up my daughter?" she says sternly.

His mouth snaps shut.

Renee has this effect on people. It's like she has a degree in taking the wind out of your sails. Edward has absolutely no response to that, and while I would normally scold her for doing this, I let her have her little joke, just to see if she can ruffle _Mr. Businessman's _feathers.

"It's nice to meet you," he says at last. "Though, I wish I'd had the opportunity to meet you sooner." His eyes swing to mine briefly.

_Touché._

Renee grins broadly. "I'm sure you do. It's very nice to finally meet you Edward." She turns to me and mouths the words '_Oh my God'_, before turning back to him. "Forgive me for having a little fun at your expense."

I bite my lip to keep the smile off my face as I notice she's still clinging to his hand. It strikes me that the age gap between Renee and Edward is only slightly larger than the one between me and Edward.

Edward's eyes rove over my face and down my body, and I feel my skin heat all over.

"You look lovely," he says in a voice that's as smooth as velvet.

Renee finally lets go of his hand and takes a step back, sitting down heavily when the backs of her knees come into contact with the bench.

"Are you visiting Alice?" I ask, still confused by his presence.

His brow furrows. "No. I thought we were..." His voice trails off and he looks slightly embarrassed. "Jacob called me yesterday," he says with a sigh. "He said you'd asked him to call to invite me out to dinner tonight." He glances at Renee. "So I could meet your mother." He looks back at me and his eyes dip down my body again briefly. "I take it you know nothing about this."

"No," I admit, and he curses under his breath. "Don't be angry with him," I say, even though I could wring his little neck myself. "Maybe it's just his way of holding out the olive branch, you know, since the last time we were together with him he was pretty pissed at us."

Renee follows the exchange in silence. She knows the story about what happened that day at Alice's, but her silence arouses my suspicions.

I turn to Edward. "We'll just go in and get Jacob. Why don't you wait in the car?"

He looks confused but nods anyway, while I grab Renee's arm and usher her into the house.

"You knew he was coming!" I hiss as soon as we are inside. "All that crap about "_who is that?"" _I glance down at my dress. "Oh God! That's what this is all about, you think you're matchmaking! Jesus, Mom!"

She grips my shoulders. "I'm not. I swear. I only found out an hour ago when Jacob let it slip. I didn't tell you because I knew you'd hit the roof," she explains. Her expression softens and she touches my hair. "You know him so well, baby. What you said to Edward out there is the truth. Jacob's been feeling bad about being so angry with you two. We've talked a lot about it and he sort of understands now. He just wants to spend some time with you two together again, and this was the only way he could think of doing it."

"Mom, he can't do stuff like this," I reason. "What if he starts to get ideas? Christ, you're encouraging him. I don't want Jacob thinking we're going to be one big happy family. Edward and I don't have those feelings for each other anymore." I almost choke on the lie on my part.

"Oh please!" she snorts. "He almost devoured you with his eyes out there, and you could cut the tension with a knife."

"Mom!" I snap. "That was surprise, okay? I didn't expect him to turn up out of the blue. I was surprised... and he was embarrassed. That was the tension you felt. Believe me, I'm not his type."

"Of course, sweetie," she says, and all at once I understand why Jacob hates to be called sweetie.

Jacob trots downstairs and stops at the bottom when he sees us.

"Edward's here," I say.

His cheeks burn crimson instantly.

"Did you think I wouldn't notice?" I ask and watch his eyes widen a little, before letting him off the hook. "I'll let you off this time," I tell him in my sternest voice. "But in future, if you are inviting guests for dinner, you have to run it by me first. Okay?" He nods. "Right, let's not keep him waiting."

Jacob runs out to the car while Renee and I walk.

"You never told me he was so hot!" Renee remarks as we reach the car.

"Mom!"

The evening goes well and is a nice distraction for me. It turns out that we're not eating at the hotel after all. When Renee discovered that Edward would be joining us, she booked a table at a restaurant in Port Angeles instead.

Renee is in fine form, regaling Edward with tales of her travels with Phil and it amazes me that she bears no animosity towards him. She was angry when I first moved to Phoenix and wanted her pound of flesh then, but Renee is not the type to hold on to pointless grudges. She spent a long time trying to convince me to tell Edward and I know she sees that he has been wronged by me just as much as I have been wronged by him.

The conversation flows freely, and Edward utterly charms Renee. She asks him lots of questions about his business which he happily answers, but when she throws in the odd personal one, I marvel at the way he gives seemingly elaborate answers that reveal very little.

At regular intervals while he's speaking, his eyes will meet mine, and once or twice I feel his leg press against mine as he shifts in his seat.

Jacob is more happy and relaxed than he's been in weeks, and every now and then he turns and smiles at me. During dessert he tells me he's been missing me and for a brief moment I fear he might cry, but then Renee steps in and prompts him to tell us more about the school play and his mood brightens again instantly.

As soon as we step outside and the cold air hits me, I feel the full effect of the two large glasses of wine I had during the meal. Renee only had a spritzer, while Edward didn't drink at all. Jacob takes my hand as we walk to the car and asks me to sit in the back with him.

I enjoy his warm body pressed against me during the drive back to Forks. He rests his head on my shoulder, and I absorb every bit of his presence that I can. "I've missed you too, Jake," I murmur, pressing my lips to his hair. He squeezes me tighter and I feel the telltale wetness seep through my dress. My tear drips onto his hair and I smooth it away.

He's managed to compose himself by the time we get to the hotel. I get out of the car and hug him and Renee and watch as they go into the hotel. I get into the front of the car, and Edward pulls out of the lot.

"I had a good time tonight," he remarks. "Jacob seems to be doing okay."

"He's missed his nana," I say quietly.

"I know you don't need my approval, but for what it's worth, I think you did the right thing. I can see the strain on you and it would be so much worse if you had to handle Jacob's feelings too. How is your father?"

And it all comes flooding back. I feel like Cinderella did at midnight. The bubble has burst and reality is raining down on me like a shit storm.

"I'm sorry, Edward. If I try to talk about it..."

"I understand," he says quietly.

He pulls up at the house and switches the engine off. "If you need anything at all, you can call me. You know that, right?"

I nod. "Thank you. But Renee has it covered."

He shifts in the seat to face me. "I don't just mean regarding Jacob. If _you _need anything... I'm here for you too."

I look at him and instantly wish I hadn't, because I do need him. Right at this moment I need him to whisk me away and make me feel something..._ anything..._ anything other than this crushing sadness.

I force myself to turn away from both him and that thought. I drift forward slightly, wanting to kiss him goodnight, but courage fails me and I simply squeeze his hand. "Goodnight, Edward."

"Goodnight, Bella," he says quietly, brushing his thumb along my knuckles.

He releases my hand and I quickly get out of the car. He doesn't drive away until I'm inside the house.

I spend half an hour talking with Leah and Sam until my yawns become embarrassing and I find myself apologising for my rudeness. They laugh and tell me it's okay but they leave anyway.

I get ready for bed, but when I look into my empty room I can't face it. I creep into Charlie's room. I don't care about the smell or the soft wheezing sounds he makes when he breathes. I lay on top of the bed beside him and lay my head on his shoulder. He doesn't stir.

I try not to cry while I soak up as much of him as I can.

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**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	18. Chapter 18

**This one carries a tissue warning. If the death of a parent is a trigger for you, you might want to skip this one. I deliberately kept it short and there are NO details essential to future plot in this chapter, so if you need to skip it, you won't miss anything relating to future chapters.**

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His bouts of lucidity are few and far between. His communication consists mainly of grunts and painful winces. The nurses come twice a day some days and yesterday... I think it was yesterday, Dr. Sharp came by to check the swelling in Charlie's abdomen.

That was the wake-up call. Charlie's too weak for anything now. They won't take him to the hospital to drain his abdomen; there will be no surgery. All they can do is pump him full of morphine in the hope that it's at least making the pain bearable for him.

He opened his eyes this morning and looked at me. Really looked at me. I could see the storm in his eyes, but he couldn't speak a word. He couldn't vocalise what I could so clearly see in the tormented depths of his blue irises. I could almost hear his voice from weeks ago. _'I don't want to leave you.'_

Time seems to have lost all meaning. The daylight hours pass in a flurry of phone calls and cleaning and making food that goes uneaten. I feel like all I do is repeat the same phrases over and over like a parrot every time someone calls or visits. There are a lot of calls and visits. I'm numb when I talk to Jacob. it takes more strength than I have to hold a semi-normal conversation with him.

Renee stopped bringing him by every day. I know it's hard on Jacob, but it would be harder if he was here.

The night-time hours drag the most. Those are the hours when I'm left alone – lying beside him listening to him fight, and hating that I can't do a thing to help him. In the loneliness of the night, everything is amplified – his plight, my fear... the utter desperation and helplessness I feel. Sometimes it's so bad I feel like it might just kill me too. The pain in my chest is ever-present but burns harder during the night. The only thing that gets me through it is the feel of his hand in mine.

"You should eat something," Sue says, placing a bowl of something in front of me. I don't look at it.

People have been coming and going for days –Sometimes it's Leah coaxing me to get dressed,. other times it's Sam and Seth staring wide-eyed and baffled from across the room. I think Sue has been here for a while. She was here when I went to bed, and she woke me this morning when she brought coffee into Charlie's room for me.

"I'm sorry, Sue. I'm just not hungry," I say, and my throat feels like it's full of gravel.

"Even so," she insists. "Just eat a little bit."

I take a few sips of soup. My stomach lurches as soon as I do; I think I might throw up if I try to eat more. I look up at her with apologetic eyes and see the dark circles beneath hers. She looks dreadful, her skin is paler than I've ever seen it, and her face looks a little gaunt.

"You should go home and get some rest, Sue," I advise, feeling guilty.

She sits down beside me and takes my hands in hers. "I don't want to be in the way, Bella. But I'd like to stay, if you'll let me."

Her desperate tone fills me with shame. I've woken up in the afternoon and she's been sitting by Charlie's bed reading to him. She's given him his morphine while I've been freaking out in the corner. She's been here steadying the ship while it threatens to toss me overboard.

I squeeze her hands tightly. "Shit, I'm sorry! I don't want you to go... I just ... I don't even know what day it is."

"It's Saturday," she says, as if it is of any consequence. "The nurses will be here soon."

I should know these things. I should know the nurses names and remember their faces, but I don't. There's this all-encompassing sense of fatigue that is like a blanket over my brain; nothing registers properly. I say the shapes of things or hear the sounds of things, but they are only shadows of what's happening around me. What is inside me is taking over everything. The pain, fear and tiredness are the only things that register with perfect clarity.

I drift back upstairs and go through the motions of showering and dressing. I consider going back into Charlie's room, but I can hear Sue's voice in there, so I go back downstairs in search of something to do. The phone rings; I answer it. It's Mike. We have a brief conversation – I listen as he makes offers to help which eventually turn into his apologies, and I can only seem to answer him in one word replies. I try to tell him I'm okay, but the words won't come out. I'm left with the clicking receiver in my hand, and I can't remember if I said goodbye.

It's dark when Sue comes down. She sits in the darkened living room with me. I can tell she's been crying by the way she shudders slightly when she breathes in.

"Bella," her voice is croaky. "I think you need to say goodbye to him."

My gasp seems louder in the quiet house.

I feel her hand reaching for mine, but I evade her grasp. "He's hanging on, but he hasn't been fully conscious for days. I'm not saying this to hurt you, but if you don't say your goodbye now, you might not get the chance... and you'll regret it later."

I feel like crying, but my eyes are too dry. My throat starts to burn. "I can't," I rasp.

Her hand finds mine, and she grips it tightly. Her voice is quiet but almost stern. "Bella, you can."

The front door opens, and we turn in unison at the sound of footsteps. "What are you doing sitting in the dark?" Leah asks while flicking the light on and blinding us both.

She's carrying a pizza box, which she holds up and waves at us. "I brought dinner." Her voice trails off slowly as she regards us both. I watch the blood drain from her face. "What's... is?" Her eyes dart to the stairs.

Sue stands. "No," she says.

I can't take my eyes off Leah as her face crumples. It's clear that she knows what her mother is silently telling her. "Can I go up and see him?" Leah asks, looking at me with shimmering eyes. I nod and turn away.

When I hear her footsteps on the stairs I jump to my feet, suddenly filled with the need to stop her. They can't do this – they can't go into his room and basically tell him to die. That's what they're doing; they're telling him it's okay to go when it's not. It's not okay. He needs to stay here. He needs to fight, because I can't imagine a world without him in it.

Sue grips my arms. "Bella!" she cries. "Bella, don't!"

"Sue. Please don't let her tell him to go!" I weep, struggling to free myself from her grasp.

She pulls me closer to her body and wraps her arms around me. "We're not telling him to go, sweetheart. We're _letting_ him go."

My body convulses in her arms as all my grief seems to boil over. "I can't let him go!"

When I fall to my knees, she comes with me – still holding me together as everything starts to fall apart. She whispers words to me that I don't want to hear. I don't want to know that he's holding on for me. I don't want to face that she's right in everything that she wants me to do. I only know that I don't want my dad to leave me.

I let her raise me to my feet and lead me to the sofa again. I can only feel the grip of her hand on mine because it is so tight. She lifts my chin and looks into my eyes. "I never got the chance to say goodbye to Harry. One minute he was there; the next he was gone. I can't remember the last time I told him I loved him with real feeling behind the words. I never got the chance to tell him how much sharing my life with him meant to me, or to thank him for giving me my two wonderful children." Her eyes are bright with the memory of her husband, yet still unbearably sad.

"I'd give anything to be able to go back to that last day. As soon as his eyes opened, I'd tell him everything that I never got to say to him. Don't miss this opportunity, please, I beg you."

I realize I've nodded when a look of sheer relief washes over her tear-streaked face.

I'm sipping tea when the nurses arrive. When they come back downstairs my forehead is on the table, and I'm listening to the buzzing of the fridge. They sit down beside me. I want to scream at them because they don't normally sit down, and I know what it means: He won't see another dawn.

I run upstairs half expecting him to be gone already. The soft whimper that emanates from his throat almost brings me to my knees. Forgoing my nightly routine, I remove my shoes and crawl onto the bed beside him. I pull his arm around me gently and lay my head on his chest. His weak heart struggles beneath my cheek.

The nurses have washed him. I inhale the scent of his skin, but it's metallic and not at all like the smell I remember from when I was a child. Within minutes his pajama shirt is wet beneath me and his shoulder bones dig into my cheek. I pull back, fearing that the weight of my head might hurt him.

I slip out from under his arm and clasp his hands together in mine instead. I listen to his shallow breaths for a while and then when I'm ready, I lean over and turn the lamp on. The soft glow is just enough that I can see his eyes roll slightly. They don't open fully, and his pupils are tiny black spots. He can't see me, but I know that he's still there and can still hear me.

"I love you Dad," I say, my voice cracking on the very first word. I don't want to do this in sobs, so I press my lips to his shoulder and pull in some deep calming breaths. "I'm sorry for all the times I hurt you, and for making your life a misery, when all you did was what you thought was best for me. There's never been a day in my life when I didn't love you, Daddy. Even though I didn't show it... I always felt it. Oh God... it hurt so much, but I was only hurting myself."

Painful memories wash over me – things I shouldn't be thinking about – but things that serve to remind me of the time I wasted. Time I could have spent loving him properly.

I lift his hands to my chest. "Everything's okay now, because I've got you. You're not leaving me, Daddy," I whisper through my tears. I press his hands against my chest. "Because you'll always be right here. I'll always love you... and I'll never forget your love for me."

I weep by his side as his heart continues to beat and his lungs continue to expand and deflate. Nothing changes, and I pray that he heard my words. I drift in and out of sleep. Each time I wake I tell him again that I love him, that Jacob loves him. I run my fingers through his hair and press my lips to his clammy skin over and over. Until I wake for the last time and he is still.

The door opens and an arrow of light darts across the bed. Sue clamps her hands to her mouth and I realize that awful wailing sounds are coming from me. I stop and bury my face in his chest while Sue comes closer. We weep over the shell of a man who is no longer there.

Hours pass. People come... so many people. Nurses and a doctor arrive before it is light. Sam and Leah come at dawn. Sue offers to call Renee, but I have to do it, so I sit beside the phone for what feels like hours, staring at it as if it will bite me if I touch it.

When I make the call, I don't have to speak the words. She cries quietly on the other end and tells me she'll come as soon as she can. I tell her not to bring Jacob, then I tell her not to come because she can't leave him alone. Nothing feels real, and though the house seems full, I've never felt loneliness like this.

Somehow the kitchen table is filled with plates of sandwiches. I don't know where they came from, but it's clear that word is starting to spread. Thankfully, Leah and Sam seem to be doing a good job of keeping people at arm's length. I've been hugged, I'm certain of that, but I don't think I've uttered a word to anyone.

Someone tells me he's ready. I have no idea what he could possibly be ready for, but Sue has my hand and is leading me upstairs. I follow mutely.

The room smells fresh, that's the first thing that strikes me. The curtains are drawn. I eye the nightstand; all his bottles are gone. Only the lamp sits there, spewing its golden glow across the bed. He looks like he's sleeping. How I wish he was.

His face looks relaxed, like it hasn't done in weeks. His hair is neatly combed, and his hands have been placed across his abdomen. I want to curl up beside him again and wrap his arms around me, but instead I sit by the bed and stare at him while my tears fall. Sue is whispering to him. I can't really focus on what she's saying.

I'm alone in the room with him. I can't recall Sue leaving. The soft brush of a hand on my shoulder startles me. I turn and throw myself into her arms.

"It's okay, baby, I'm here," Renee coos.

She holds me while my world shatters and then she takes his hand, puts it in mine and holds us both. Her tears mingle with mine on his cold skin as she whispers goodbye.

It's late afternoon when they come for him. I cling to Renee and turn my back when I hear them as they carry him downstairs. If I turn to look I won't let them take him, so I focus on floor as I press my cheek against my mother's still-strong heart. When the door closes, all strength leaves me. I buckle in her arms.

They make me drink tea – very sweet tea. Then Renee tells me she has to get Jacob.

"Oh Jacob!" I gasp as if I've only just remembered him. "I need to see him."

Her face swims in front of me. "I think you should try to rest for a while first," she says sympathetically. "I'll send a cab for you in a couple of hours. Stay at the hotel tonight and we can tell Jacob together."

"Where is he?" I ask, her words barely registering.

"He's at Mike's," she says. "Remember you told me to take him to Mike's."

I nod even though I have no recollection.

The house seems emptier now. Only Sue, Leah and Renee are still here. Suddenly, I need to be alone just for a little while, just to get away from _their_ grief. Renee leaves reluctantly and then I manage to convince Sue and Leah to go home too. I tell them that I'll be going to the hotel soon anyway and that I need to be by myself.

She looks dubious but eventually accepts my word, and with a bone crushing hug, she tells me she'll see me tomorrow.

I close the door and an odd sigh of relief escapes me. The silence is suddenly welcome.

I wipe my face and head upstairs. I open the door to my room but quickly realize I have too much nervous energy. I turn to Charlie's room and slowly push the door open.

The curtains and windows are open; a light breeze blows through the room.

I move deeper into the room, unable to take my eyes off the bed. It's been stripped bare. There is not a trace of him left, as if he never existed. Suddenly the emptiness of the house is bearing down on me, and I can't be here without him.

Blindly, I run downstairs and out of the door. I don't stop. I carry on down the porch steps, past the back of the house and out onto the trail that leads into the forest. My legs pump harder and harder as I flee deep into the forest, desperate to outrun my grief.

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**:(**


	19. Chapter 19

Rain pounds my frigid skin. Out here in the seclusion of the meadow, my grief rips forth from my throat. The sheer force of letting it out is cathartic; my vocal chords burn, but I need this release. I need to scream and purge myself of this pain, but with each yell it only gets harder. I curl up like a fetus beneath the tree, but nothing is of any comfort to me.

There is little relief to be had, so I stop, lie on the wet ground and wait for it all to go away. I hear the wind still blowing; animals are still scurrying through the undergrowth. Cracking my eyes open, I see the moon still shining and heavy grey clouds still drift across the sky, but it doesn't feel the same: my world has changed. I close my eyes.

I'm shivering violently when I feel his strong arms slide beneath me.

"Bella," he murmurs.

His lips brush the shell of my ear as his body envelopes mine.

The ground is soggy beneath us. He is on his knees trying to lift me up, but I scramble into his lap. He falls back slightly against the tree and stretches his legs out in front of him as his arms encircle me.

"He's gone!" I sob, burying my face in Edward's chest.

As I cry, I feel his lips in my hair as he murmurs soft words of comfort. His hands sweep back and forth across my shoulders, while mine clutch his jacket. He waits it out with me until I finally stop.

"You're soaked through," he murmurs. "Let's get you home."

Home. It's not a home anymore, it's just a house.

Reluctantly, I let him slide me off his lap. He helps me to stand and then lifts me into his arms. "You're freezing!" he exclaims when my hands wind around his neck. Unzipping his jacket, he guides my cold hands inside, hissing when I press them to his chest. I rest my head on his shoulder and feel the warmth of his body seep into my skin.

By the time we reach the house we are both shivering. He carries me straight upstairs and into the bathroom. He sets me down and looks around.

"Where do you keep the towels?" he asks.

My eyes roam around the room and fall on Charlie's shaving mug. Fresh tears spring to my eyes and Edward's voice fades. I see his toothbrush and comb on the ledge beneath the mirror before Edward's fingers tilt my chin up. I look into his concerned gaze, then realize his lips are moving.

"Bella, you have to get out of these wet clothes. I'm going to go find a towel for you. Okay... okay?"

His words somehow make it through the fog, and I manage to nod before my attention goes back to Charlie's things. I'm still standing rooted to the spot when he knocks on the door, I don't know how many times he knocks but eventually it opens, and I turn just as he peers around it.

He sighs heavily and pushes the door open. He pulls the zipper down, and his fingers brush my bare shoulders as he slides my top off. It falls to the floor with a wet plop. I shiver as his hands rub my arms to warm me.

"Hold me," I plead, suddenly feeling the need to know I'm not alone. I can't bear the emptiness any longer.

He wraps me in his arms, and I sigh into his chest. He rocks me gently and tells me he called Renee. I hear his words, but I don't really understand why he called her. I look up at him. "Is she coming here?"

He shakes his head. "She's with Jacob. She'll come in the morning."

How will I tell Jacob?

"You won't leave me?" I ask, pressing my cheek against his chest again after he shakes his head and tells me he won't.

"Bella," he ventures after a while. "You should take a shower; it'll warm you up. I'll go make you a hot drink."

I realize I'm standing in my wet jeans and bra. I blink up at him. "Okay."

I feel more human after my shower. I've just finished dressing in my pajamas when he knocks on the bedroom door softly. I tell him to come in, and he does – carrying two steaming mugs.

"Your clothes are wet," I say, looking at his mud-caked jeans.

"It doesn't matter," he says.

"You should take a shower... I'll see if..." I trail off. I can't give him something of Charlie's to wear. My eyes fill with tears at the same time my heart constricts with misery.

He looks at me sadly. "Here, drink this."

"At least take your jacket off," I say, taking the mug and smelling the cocoa. My stomach lurches, but I force myself to take a sip.

He removes his jacket, and the front of his shirt is soaked through and streaked with mud. He doesn't seem to notice. He lifts his mug, cupping his hands around it, and takes a drink before telling me to get into bed.

I curl up in bed and let more tears fall. I can't believe it's over... that Charlie's gone. Every time my brain tries to comprehend it, the numbness sets in. I just can't seem to grasp that this is real... that this is really happening.

"Hey." His voice is gentle and soothing as he places his hand on my shoulder.

I pull him down beside me. "Stay with me," I whisper, and he whispers back that he's not going anywhere.

Turning to accept his embrace as he stretches out beside me, all I feel is the cold wetness of his shirt. I slide my fingers beneath the hem and start to push it up his body.

"Bella," he whispers, gripping my wrist.

"You're cold," I argue.

He sits up and pulls the shirt over his head before lying down again. I nestle into the crook of his arm and lay my cheek on his chest. "Thank you."

I start to drift.

An arm slips out from under me. I open my eyes to find only darkness. I feel the movement again and realize he's leaving. In my desperation, I pull him closer, and in the weak moonlight I can just make out his face. There is no conscious thought, only a sudden need that I can't fight or explain.

My fingers slide up into his hair, and I pull him closer. I feel his breath blow out over my face just as my lips touch his. They are as soft as I remember. Pulling him closer still, the kiss deepens. His lips are warm and supple as they move in time with mine. My heartbeat starts to accelerate as I find comfort in his arms.

Loving him has never been easy, yet right in this moment it is the easiest thing in the world. Feeling the magic of his touch fills the gaping chasm within me – like finding the last piece of a puzzle that completes everything. I could lose myself in this kiss and never come back from it... Never have to face this hell again. I could be that young girl again who wanted nothing more than to love him... and be loved by him.

His hands stroke slowly across my back – crushing me to his chest – while my tongue traces the soft contours of his lower lip. I feel his fingers pressing into my skin as he pulls me closer still.

A low, guttural moan emanates from his throat as his tongue slowly slides into my mouth, massaging my own. I grasp a handful of his hair as he angles his head and delves deeper into my mouth. His scent is all around me, comforting me, making me feel whole again. I whimper and try to get closer to him, pulling away the comforter that is now a barrier between us.

My fingers roam over the hard muscles of his chest. He inhales sharply when my thumbs brush over his nipples. Goosebumps spring up over his flesh as my hands trail lower. Though he feels different, it is also the same – touching him and feeling his hands on my body still enflames me. His chest is firmer, more muscular than I remember, and the tips of my fingers ripple over his ridged abdomen.

Enjoying the warmth of his hands as they curl around my arms, I trace the soft trail of hair that leads down from his navel. Breaking the kiss, I press my lips to his collar bone while pressing the length of my body against his. He is hard.

"Bella," he groans.

I feel his grip on my arms tighten and reality crashes through my senses – he's restraining me.

Crushed, I press my forehead to his chest as my soul starts to empty again. "I'm sorry," I whisper. My heartbeat pounds in my ears.

He tilts my chin up and kisses me softly several times before pressing his forehead to mine, and staring into my eyes. My hands are still on him, and his still grip me as he holds me back slightly. He closes his eyes tightly before rolling onto his back. Taking me with him, he pulls me back into the crook of his arm and smoothes his fingers through my hair. His heart is beating as wildly as my own. "Try to get some sleep," he murmurs.

It feels like I've only just closed my eyes when a loud banging jolts me awake. The morning light surprises me, and I turn to find that I am alone. Save for the mud stain on my comforter, I would think it had all been a dream.

Charlie.

Suddenly, I'm finding it hard to breathe as the reality of yesterday washes over me.

None of it was a dream. It was a nightmare. Utter misery fills me so quickly I fear I will burst. A violent sob erupts in my chest, but before I can give into it, the banging starts up again and I realize it's the door.

Hurrying out of bed, I go down to find Sue and Renee on the doorstep. I collapse into Renee's arms and cling to her as she leads me into the living room.

"I was so worried about you," she soothes as she rocks me in her arms. "When the cab driver called to say the house was empty I was frantic. I couldn't think where you might have gone. I'm so glad Edward knew where to find you."

I pull back and look at her. "You called Edward? How did he get here so fast?"

She frowns. "He's staying with his sister for a couple of days." she looks away briefly, as if deciding something. When she looks at me again, her eyes are tender. "It's nothing to worry about, but Jacob got into a fight at school – now don't panic," she says quickly when I gasp. "We didn't want to worry you, so Edward came down and went to talk to the principal. Jacob asked him if he would stay for a few days, and they've been spending time together."

She looks at me sympathetically. "It's been good for Jacob. He's missing you so much, and having Edward here has helped him."

"What happened at school?" I ask, my mind reeling.

She cups my cheek and brushes a rogue tear away with her thumb. "It's all sorted. Don't worry about it now. Jacob's fine; that's all that matters. We can talk about it later."

Though I want to probe her further, I just don't have the energy.

The day passes in a flurry of activity and phone calls. There's so much to do, and I couldn't have coped without Renee and Sue. I want to go and see Charlie, but they dissuade me, saying it might be best to leave it till tomorrow. Everything is still so raw, and in the absence of any rational thought, I'm more than willing for them to guide me through this.

I've barely given last night any thought, but as soon as I go upstairs to my room I see a slip of paper on the nightstand. Picking it up, I unfold it to see Edward's elegant handwriting.

_Bella,_

_ I'm sorry I had to leave. I promised to pick Jacob up this morning._

_ I didn't want to wake you._

_ Edward_

_ X_

Short and to the point. My eyes zero in on the little x at the end. A kiss. _Oh God! A kiss!_ The memory of last night comes back in full, glorious Technicolor. I sag onto the bed with my head in my hands. I forced him to stay with me and then practically threw myself at him. The memory of his hands restraining me stings, so I push all thoughts of it out of my mind.

I strip the bed, throwing my muddy comforter on the floor, and busy myself remaking it. I'm half way down the stairs, carrying the bedding, when Jacob comes crashing through the front door.

"Mom!" he yells, launching himself at me.

I drop the bedding just in time to catch him.

"I missed you," he sobs into my neck as he winds his arms around me, holding on tight. "I know about Grandpa Charlie."

Feeling his little body in my arms brings tears to my eyes. I inhale the sweet scent of him and kiss his head repeatedly while telling him everything will be okay. His hands press into my back as I run my fingers through his hair. Having him here is like putting salve on a wound: it hurts a little less now.

I'm aware of Renee's voice but I've been so absorbed in Jacob I didn't catch her words. I open my eyes to find her talking to Edward who is standing in the hallway. Jacob lets go and wipes his nose on his sleeve.

"I'm not going back to the hotel," he informs me. "I'm staying here with you."

I smile down at him and cup his cheek. "I want you here."

He hugs me again, before turning to Renee and hugging her too. My eyes connect with Edward's, and my cheeks blaze at the memory of my behavior last night. He smiles a little, but it falters instantly, and he asks me if I'm okay. His words are measured – restrained. You could cut the atmosphere with a knife.

Renee leads Jacob into the kitchen, leaving me alone with Edward.

"I'm sorry–"

"Do you–"

We both start to speak at once. Gesturing for him to continue, I halt my apology. Jacob comes back and pulls on my arm.

"I have to go," Edward says apologetically.

Jacob grumbles about this, but I send him into the kitchen and follow Edward out onto the porch.

"Thank you," I say as soon as the door is closed behind me. "For being here... for both of us."

He turns and looks at me with an expression so tender it takes all I have not to step into his arms. His eyes look like there is a storm brewing in them as he stares at me. Eventually, he breaks the contact and looks out across the yard. "Maybe after..." he pauses and rubs his hand down his face. "I told Jacob I'll be away for a few days, but I'll come back for the... funeral." He looks at me hesitantly. "If that's okay?"

The mere thought of the funeral turns my blood to ice. "Of course it's okay," I assure him.

I get the feeling that there are so many things remaining unsaid. He looks at me intently, as if he's debating something internally. I want to mention the kiss, and I wonder if he does too, but it doesn't seem right to talk about it now, not with the specter of Charlie's death hanging over us

He comes closer and cups his hand to the back of my neck before kissing my forehead lightly. "I'm really sorry about your father," he murmurs, his lips brushing my skin.

He doesn't look back as he walks to his car.

That night I lie in bed holding Jacob in my arms, while Renee sleeps on the camp bed beside us. They are all I have now. Even though Charlie hasn't been around for the past decade, he was still only a phone call away. Now these two people sleeping in my bedroom with me are the only family I have. Tears spill from my eyes again, but they are silent tears – there is no sobbing or wailing, just silent grief.

My stomach is doing somersaults all the way to the church. Jacob is clamped to my side and squeezing my hand as tightly as he can. Over the past few days there has been a change in him. He has taken over the role of protector – never leaving my side, and always asking me how I'm doing. My love for him has been the sole thing that has motivated me to even try to function properly.

People are milling around outside the church, but as soon as they see our car pull up they start to filter inside.

"Are you ready?" Jacob asks, looking up at me with so much concern it almost starts me off crying again.

I manage a smile. "Yes," I reply, nodding.

He opens the door and gets out first. Renee follows before I get out last. They sky is filled with dark grey clouds, and the smell of impending rain hangs in the air. I shiver slightly as the wind blows and the frigid air bites at my cheeks.

I falter on the church steps, needing a moment before heading inside and facing the coffin.

I went to see Charlie at the funeral parlor. They'd dressed him in a suit, and I complained to Renee that it just wasn't him. He hated wearing suits. Renee had suggested his uniform, but that didn't seem right either.

My dad didn't live in starched shirts and pressed trousers, he lived in jeans and plaid flannel, and in all the happy memories I have of him, that was what he wore. The funeral director gave me a quizzical look when I handed over the worn denim and faded blue check shirt, but promised he would redress Charlie before the casket was closed.

I'd asked them to keep the casket closed in the church too. Charlie wouldn't have wanted it left open.

A few men I recognize from the station stop and offer condolences on their way into the church. Renee is asking me if I'm ready, when I spot Mike coming through the gates. He looks hesitant as he reaches us.

"Am I late?" he asks. "I just dropped the girls at school." His eyes drop to Jacob, and he pulls an envelope out of his inside pocket before crouching down slightly to Jacob's eye level. "Amy and Louise made you this."

Jacob takes the envelope and opens it to reveal a handmade sympathy card. He reads the inside, and I can tell by the way he presses his lips together that the gesture has touched him. He looks at Mike, managing to smile as he says thank you.

Mike clamps his hand to Jacob's shoulder and squeezes as he straightens. It occurs to me that for the first time, Jacob doesn't seem annoyed by Mike's presence.

He turns to me, and I step into his embrace as he wraps his arms around me and tells me he's sorry. I've spoken to him already, but this is the first time I've seen him since Charlie died.

Renee touches my arm and reminds me we should get inside. Mike moves to go past me, but I touch his arm. "Will you sit with us?"

His eyes widen a little, and he looks unsure.

"Please. I could really use a friend."

The thought of walking into the church with all eyes on Renee, Jacob and I doesn't appeal to me. I really could use Mike's support, but I can see that he doesn't feel it's his place. I'm just about to let him off the hook when he acquiesces.

I thank him with a smile as I turn to Jacob and hold my hand out to him. He doesn't take it. Instead, he wraps his arm around my waist while I drape mine across his shoulder.

As soon as we step through the doors I lose my nerve and touch Renee's arm. "Give me a couple more minutes?" I ask.

She nods, and I lean back against the wall, taking in some deep breaths. I look inside the church and see people taking their seats. As my eyes roam around the congregation, I spot Sam and a couple of his colleagues. They are moving into a pew, and I watch as Sam smiles and holds his hand out, the man behind him move and I Carlisle's blond hair come into view as he stands to greet the men.

The most surprising thing about his presence here is that it doesn't surprise me at all. Of course he would come. It wouldn't look good if the town doctor didn't attend the Police Chief's funeral. He shakes several of Charlie's colleagues' hands before stepping back and allowing them to greet Esme, who is on the bench beside him.

I look down at Jacob. All I can do is hope that they won't approach us.

I try to focus on the front – not wanting to make eye contact with anyone, but my traitorous eyes aren't content with one spot and keep drifting to the sides.

I can't help but glance at Carlisle and Esme as we pass. Their eyes are focused firmly on Jacob. I glance down, but he is completely unaware of them. He's never seen them, but I'm sure he would notice the way they are looking at him.

It is clear from the shock on Carlisle's face and the reverence in Esme's almost pained stare, that they can both see Jacob's striking resemblance to Edward. Esme's eyes lift and connect with mine. I turn away from the sheer force of her pity, finding that it angers me far more than I want it to. Today is not about any of this. This is Charlie's day.

Renee and Mike lead the way to the front of the church. I put my head down and follow them, stroking Jacob's hair as I go. Jacob keeps turning to look behind us, and I worry that he's spotted Carlisle and Esme. I try to encourage him to look to the front. When we reach the seats, there is an awkward moment when Mike stands beside the pew, not knowing where to sit.

Renee slips in first, followed by Jacob and then me. Mike looks uncomfortable as he slides in beside me. I take his hand and thank him quietly, though now I'm starting to regret putting him in this position. Jacob is still fidgeting and looking around. When he raises his hand, I turn to see Edward has arrived.

Jacob waves again, and looking every bit as uncomfortable as Mike did moments ago, Edward makes his way towards us. He reaches the pew, and his eyes drop to my hand in Mike's just as Mike lets go and stands. Jacob whispers loudly for Edward to come and sit beside him. I stand too to let him pass. He seems to pause for a beat before stepping into the narrow space.

As he passes, Edward shakes Mike's hand before pressing an awkward kiss to my cheek. Jacob hugs him too and Edward moves to continue on past Renee but she instructs him to sit down between her and Jacob. Mike whispers that he should sit elsewhere but I shake my head. It would look ridiculous if he moved now.

As the priest begins and we all stand, Jacob slides one hand into mine and the other into Edward's. Hearing Charlie's name mentioned brings it all home again. Memories filter through to me and I hear his voice – little things he said to me. Then I realize I can't remember the last thing he said to me, and the more I try to recall those precious last words, the harder it becomes. I fail to stifle the sob that erupts in my throat.

At the same time I delve into my pocket for a tissue, Jacob presses a paper towel from the kitchen into my other hand. I stare down at it before looking at his sorrowful little face. Though I can see how upset he is, the way he nods slightly and squeezes my hand tells me he's trying to be strong for me. As we sit down again, I pull him to me and don't let go for the rest of the service.

The house is full of Charlie's friends and colleagues. Sue and Renee have taken charge, seeing to everyone's needs while I try to blend into the wallpaper in the kitchen. It's quieter here with only Mike and Leah for company. Jacob insisted that Edward come back with us. I would have asked him anyway, but it seems that Jacob doesn't entirely trust me to include Edward in things.

Voices filter through as Sam tells a story about Charlie that elicits a round of raucous laughter from his colleagues. Leah grimaces at me.

"It's nice that people can remember him with a smile," I insist. "I will too... one day."

Tears fill her eyes. "I'm sorry," she says, dabbing at them with a handkerchief.

Mike tries to look at his watch surreptitiously, but I catch him in the act.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I need to pick Louise up."

I look at my own watch and am surprised to see how late it is. We stand up at the same time. He places a hand on my shoulder, but I step closer and wrap my arms around his waist. He hugs me back.

"I'm sorry I put you on the spot earlier," I say, looking up into his face. "I know you were really uncomfortable and I didn't mean to embarrass you like that."

"You know I'm always here for you, but I just felt like it wasn't my place to sit there... you know? It's meant to be family that sits at the front."

"Well, I don't have a lot of family, so..." I can't finish the sentence as my voice cracks with emotion.

He cups my head and I press my forehead to his chest. The back door opens, and I feel Mike stiffen slightly, which tells me Edward and Jacob have come back inside.

"I'll call you later," I say as he lets me go. I follow him out to the hallway.

As we move out to the hallway, Mike stops in front of Jacob. "You remember what we talked about, right?" he asks. Jacob nods earnestly. "Good." Mike smiles before saying goodbye.

The response he received from Edward is very lukewarm and clipped.

"God! I feel like a teenager who's been caught groping you by your father... oh shit, I'm sorry," Mike says, getting flustered over his choice of words. I can't help the small smile that plays on my lips when I tell him it's okay.

"What did you talk to him about?" I ask.

"The day your mom brought him over, he was in a foul mood. I know he doesn't particularly like me, but I hate the way he resents me for things that just aren't there. Anyway, I managed to get him to talk to me, and I did my best to explain to him that you and I are just friends and that's all we'll ever be."

"What did he say?"

He chuckles. "He totally grilled me. He's a tenacious little devil isn't he? He asked me if I loved you, if I ever loved you, and if I wanted to love you. What does that even mean?"

"I'm sorry, Mike. You shouldn't have to put up with that."

He shakes his head, waving away my apology. "It was good. I'm glad we had the chance to talk, and I got the opportunity to put him right. He understands now that you and I aren't interested in each other like that." He looks at me. "Though, if you do fall for someone who isn't Edward... he's gonna have a tough job winning Jacob over."

I lean on the railing and fold my arms across my chest. "So you can see it too?" I say with a long sigh.

He nods. "You have to be straight with him Bella. He really wants his mom and dad to be together. If that's not in the cards, you have to make sure Jacob knows it."

"What do you mean IF it's not in the cards?" I ask, feeling suddenly exposed.

He snorts. "Don't be naive," he scolds. "Edward's in there looking as green as that lawn," he says, pointing a finger at the grass. "And it's pretty clear why."

"Don't," I plead. "I'm not ready to deal with any of this right now."

He steps forward and brushes my arm gently. "I know, but you need to sort out your feelings – and fast – because with every day that goes by, Jacob wants it a little bit more."

I know he's right, but how can I explain things to Jacob when I'm having such a hard time understanding it myself. I'm starting to want it too, but how could I ever trust Edward? Sure he looks a little jealous, but it could be for any number of reasons, and none of them are worth basing a relationship on.

"Go back inside," Mike says gently. "If you need to talk, you know where I am."

I smile sadly at him and thank him.

When I go back inside more people are preparing to leave, so I don't get the chance to go to Jacob right away. When I do go to find him, Leah tells me he's upstairs with Edward. I step into the room to find Edward alone, fingering through the photos and notes pinned haphazardly on the corkboard on the wall.

I notice he's looking at the picture of Alice and I together.

"Sorry," he says, moving away. "I wasn't prying."

"Where's Jacob?"

"Bathroom."

Silence.

"Thank you for coming today..." I begin, but falter when his eyes swing to mine.

"You're right. I should go," he says acidly.

I didn't mean for it to sound like a dismissal. "I'm not asking you to leave," I protest.

"You should have told Jacob about you and Mike," he snaps, shocking me. "He didn't know that things have changed, that you and Mike are–"

"What are you talking about?" I say, fighting to keep my voice, as well as my temper, down.

"Oh come on, Bella. You can at least be honest with him. Everybody could see that you and Mike are together."

I stare at him incredulously. "Honest with Jacob – or with you, Edward?" I challenge, taking a step closer.

His eyes burn feverishly as he moves closer too. "With me," he growls. "Are you and Mike together?"

He doesn't deserve an answer, and I don't have to give him one – he can see it on my face. I can tell by the way his demeanor changes... his shoulders drop a little as he unclenches his jaw.

He glances at the bed, and I watch as his eyes darken. It's more than clear he's thinking about that kiss.

"I needed you." My voice is barely a whisper.

He's so close now I can feel the heat of his body. "And now?"

I look up into his face. His eyes are scanning mine, searching for the truth. I wonder if he can see it, or if he can feel the sheer strength of my need for him. My arms ache with the need to pull him to me; my lips long for the warmth of his, but my heart is filled with fear. Fear that he'll let me down again, and this time it won't just be my heart he breaks.

His eyes dip to my lips. "Answer me."

His voice is laced with something other than anger now. He needs me to say the words.

His lips are almost touching mine. I can smell the faint trace of coffee and mint on his breath, it's not unpleasant. "Do you need me more than you need him?" he whispers, his lips brushing mine as he says the words.

His words are like a slap in the face. I flinch back. "Is that what this is?" I spit. "Is this some kind of pissing contest to you? You just want me to tell you that you're top of the fucking list." I stab my finger into his chest, forcing him backwards. "I fucking needed you, more than I've ever needed anyone... but you left. When I needed you with every fiber of my being you left me... just like Ch–"

Pain slams into me again. It's like I keep forgetting that he's gone, and every time I remember, it hits me harder.

Cursing under his breath, Edward pulls me hard against him and wraps his arms around me like a vice. I hear his apologies, but I'm completely desolate. The loss bears down on me... but this is far greater than anything I've endured before – this is final, there is no coming back for Charlie.

My hands are fisted in his shirt as I try to push him away. He doesn't let go. His breath is hot against my ear as he whispers to me. The words don't register, only the pain.

I'm vaguely aware of the door opening. My grip on his shirt relaxes, but still I push and still he won't budge.

"Mom?"

Jacob's voice pierces the haze. I open my eyes just as he slips a hand between us and shoots Edward a determined look. "Let me," he says, with an air of maturity I've never seen in him before. Edward steps back.

Jacob wraps his arms around me, rubbing circles on my back with his hands. "It's okay, Mom. I'm here for you."

I pull back and look into his eyes, mildly surprised by the strength I see there. He raises his hand and sweeps his thumb across my wet cheek.

"We'll get through this together," he promises, echoing words I'm sure I said to him recently.

* * *

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	20. Chapter 20

Jacob takes a step back and asks Edward and me if we are going back downstairs. He looks torn, like he wants to be here but at the same time he doesn't. I tell him to go on down. He glances between me and Edward before apparently deciding it's okay to leave us alone.

After he leaves, Edward steps forward. "I know this is not the right time, but I really think we need to talk," he says, his eyes searching mine. "We can't keep sidestepping the issue. It's not fair to us, and it's not fair to Jacob."

"Issue?"

"Us – we need to talk about us. All this shit we're carrying around. It won't go away if we don't talk about it."

I nod slowly. He's right, even though the mere thought of talking about the past has my heart racing and my stomach feeling like a hollow void. I don't want to relive it all again, but I know I must if I'm ever to come to terms with it – if we're ever to reach a place where it's not hanging over us like a great big storm waiting to happen.

Tentatively, he slides his hand up my arm. I look up into his eyes as he gently pulls me closer. "It was selfish of me to bring up that stuff about Mike. It's none of my business... I had no right to act like that."

His words seem strange to me, since he's still pulling me to him. For some reason I can't seem to resist. I want to feel his arms around me; his embrace always lessens the pain.

His hands slide across my back while I rest my forehead on his chest. "I'm confused," I whisper. "I don't know what you want from me."

He sweeps his hand through my hair. "I want you to let me in," he says. "I want you to let me share the burden with you." I lift my head, tilting my face so I can look into his eyes – they look so pained – and as he returns my stare, his brows knit together. "I don't want to push you, but I need you to know that I'm here for you, and I mean it when I say that I'll do anything for you and Jacob." He sighs, resting his forehead against mine. "This isn't the right time for us to talk. You're dealing with so much already."

I remember Charlie's words about me putting myself out there. We talked briefly about it again, but it was difficult for him to focus. I remember how his ramblings didn't make sense; he spoke about fighting for what I wanted because he could see it was worth it. I suspect this was coloured by his happiness in seeing Renee again. I doubt that she would have reciprocated, even if he had fought for her, and that's what worries me: Edward never fought for me, and I still don't know if he ever will.

It would be so easy to tell Edward that I love him – that I want us to try to be a family, but then I think of Jacob and how much it would damage him if it didn't work out between us. If I can't trust Edward to fight, then I can't put Jacob in the firing line.

He slides his hand up my neck, his thumb brushing my lower lip as his eyes darken with torment. "I believed so many lies," he murmurs. "When I should have believed in us. I'm sorry–"

"Don't," I whisper, unable to withstand the pain his regretful tone elicits in me. I want so much to give in.

Closing his eyes he nods. "We'll talk soon," he promises.

* * *

Renee and I are out on the porch bench, huddled beneath the heavy quilt she brought out, nursing hot mugs of coffee. It's her last night, and it took forever to get Jacob to go to bed.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" she asks, blowing into her mug before taking a sip. "It wouldn't be difficult to arrange for a Realtor to handle the house sale. I'm sure Sue would keep an eye on the place."

In the week since the funeral, I haven't been able to even contemplate packing up Charlie's things. The thought of emptying the house of all his possessions kills me. I know I will have to do it eventually– but I'm just not ready to face it yet. Just as I'm not ready to leave this house that still makes me feel close to Charlie.

I had worried about the financial implications if I decided to stay in Forks a little longer. However, I needn't have worried. Charlie had already pre-empted this by transferring his savings into my bank account. He went to great lengths to arrange this with Renee, but he swore her to secrecy. I can only assume it was because he knew I was struggling to accept the fact that he was going to die.

For the past few weeks I've been going through the motions, and things like checking my bank account had completely fallen by the wayside. When Renee gave me the brief letter that Charlie left for me, it took me a full day before I plucked up the courage to read it. In it, he encouraged me to sell the house and add it to the substantial sum he'd already given me, and to use it to go to college and fulfill my long forgotten dream of becoming an English teacher.

He told me to chase all my dreams, to reach out and grab what I want from life with both hands. Reading between the lines, his regrets regarding his own missed opportunities in life were heartbreakingly clear.

After reading his letter, I decided to stay in Forks for another few months until the end of Jacob's school year. I don't want to uproot him again, and I know he's enjoying the close contact with Edward. After that, I'll sell the house and look into following Charlie's advice. When I discussed it with Jacob he was more than happy to stay.

I turn to Renee, who is watching me intently, waiting for an answer. "I'll be fine. This is the right thing to do. I don't want to unsettle Jacob again. Besides, he's so looking forward to doing the play next month, it would break his heart if I dragged him back to Florida and he missed the chance."

She nods with a sad smile. "I'm going to miss you both so much."

"We'll miss you too, but it's only a few more months."

"What about Edward?" she asks, a knowing glint in her eye. "It's going to be really difficult for him and Jacob when you move back home."

My heart lurches in my chest. It will be difficult for all of us. I shrug, telling her we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, and though her eyes narrow, she doesn't press me.

We reminisce about Charlie while we finish our coffee, leading to more tears, but I'm slowly coming to terms with things. Even though it hurts so much, it also feels good to know that he isn't suffering any more.

"Oh come on, Jacob, cheer up!" Renee insists, twisting in the passenger seat to look at him. We're a couple of miles from Port Angeles and her forced mirth isn't convincing at all. "You'd think the prospect of a day off school would put a smile on your face."

"I don't want you to go back to Jacksonville," he grumbles. "Why can't you and Phil move out here?"

His lack of desire for returning to Jacksonville doesn't escape my attention. The primary force for that will most likely be Edward, and I worry that it will be difficult for him to accept that he won't see so much of Edward when the time comes for us to leave Forks.

Renee clings to me at the airport. She asks me a dozen times if I'm sure I need to stay, and by the time her flight is called she is a blubbering wreck – much like I am. Jacob is very quiet on the way back to the car, and when we get inside it he succumbs to his tears briefly, but insists he's okay when I try to draw him out about his feelings.

It's the first time we've been completely alone in such a long time. There is so much for me to talk about with him. I am conscious that if I take him home, something or someone will distract us, so I decide to take him somewhere for lunch.

He decides he wants pizza, so I drive through Port Angeles till I find an Italian restaurant and go inside. Jacob is far more composed now, and he starts talking about the school play, giving me the perfect opener.

"So things are better at school now?" I ask tentatively.

His eyes dart to mine and widen a little. "What did Dad tell you?"

"Nana told me you got in a fight and your dad came to see the principal," I say. "What happened? Why did you get into a fight?"

"It was to do with the play," he blurts out nervously. "Troy said that I shouldn't be allowed the main part because I don't belong here."

My sharp inhalation, coupled with the fact I was taking a sip of water, has me coughing and spluttering. Jacob rounds the table quickly and thumps on my back in alarm.

"Thank you," I croak when the coughing subsides. He moves back to his seat. I can imagine why he would have gotten in the fight. That kid said the worst possible thing to him at the worst possible time. Jacob was already struggling with the revelations about Edward and I, and the realisation that he must have felt like he didn't belong in Edward's life fills me with guilt.

"Why would he say you don't belong here?" I ask, unable to keep the outrage out of my voice.

"Well he didn't say it in those words, but I knew what he meant." He sighs. "I'm sorry," he says contritely. "I didn't mean to hit him. I just got so angry–"

"You know there is never a time when physical violence is justified, right?" I say sternly. He nods. "Did you talk about this with your dad?"

"Yes," he responds. "I'm sorry that I called him instead of you."

The waitress comes with our pizzas, and I wait till she leaves before addressing Jacob again.

"You don't have to feel bad about calling him," I tell him as his eyes evade mine. "In fact, you did the best thing. I'm very proud of how you've handled everything over the past few weeks." I look at him briefly. "Aside from the fight."

"I thought you were angry with me for inviting Dad to dinner with us without asking you," he points out.

"That was different," I say. "You deliberately didn't tell me about it. But I want you to know that it's okay to want him to support you, and I'm glad that he was there for you."

His eyes meet mine, and I nod to confirm that I'm telling the truth. I genuinely am grateful that he felt he could ask Edward for help and that Edward didn't let him down.

"So what happened when your dad came to school with you?" I ask, before taking a bite of pizza.

"Mrs. Appleby wanted to give my part in the play to someone else, but Dad managed to talk her out of it," he says with a faint hint of pride in his voice.

_ I'll bet he did._

"So instead, I'm not allowed golden time for two weeks," he continues. "Troy and I have to use the time to sit with Mr. McAlister and talk about what happened." He grimaces.

"And how are you and Troy getting along now?"

He shrugs. "He stays out of my way and I stay out of his."

We eat in silence for a few minutes. The restaurant isn't particularly busy and the surrounding tables are mostly empty. Thankfully, the piped music is loud enough to give us privacy, but not so loud that we have to raise our voices to speak.

"So what else did you and your dad talk about?" I ask.

His cheeks redden and he shrugs, clearly uncomfortable with the thought of sharing, but I press on anyway. "Did he talk about what we told you at Alice's house?"

He swallows what's in his mouth and then takes a sip of juice – clearly stalling. "Yes. He told me all about it. I get it now," he insists in a way that tells me he doesn't get it at all and moreover, isn't particularly keen to talk about it.

"What did he say?" I probe.

He rolls his eyes. "He told me not to think that he's ashamed of me. He said a bunch of stuff about being proud of me and wishing he'd been around more." He shrugs.

"You don't believe him?"I ask.

I've always been proud of my relationship with Jacob. I can't believe that I've actually prided myself on being so open with him, when I've never told him a single thing about the things that matter most. And now he can barely look at me because he's embarrassed to tell me what Edward told him.

He fiddles with his napkin: folding it and unfolding it. "Okay, I don't get it," he admits with a sigh, his cheeks burning crimson. "He told me about you and him, you know, about how much you loved each other and stuff." He swallows, keeping his eyes trained on the table. "It was kinda embarrassing." He squirms in his seat a little. I wait for him to continue.

Eventually, he looks at me. "He kept saying he was sorry for not being around and for making the wrong choices." A small smile flickers on his lips. "I told him I wish we had a time machine and we could go back to the start and have a do-over."

"What did he say to that?" I ask.

"He said he wished so too, but then he said I shouldn't blame you because _he_ let _you_ down." He frowns. "So, how come he went away with his wife and you went to live with Nana? If you loved each other so much why didn't you just stay here – together?"

"Come and sit by me," I say, patting the space beside me. He scoots around to my side of the booth before reaching over and grabbing his juice. He leaves the pizza where it is.

His shoulder presses against mine, giving me encouragement, even though it's obvious he can't look at me.

"A lot of what happened is really very complicated, and if I try to explain it to you I'll only confuse you more. We did make mistakes and bad choices, but one thing you have to understand is that we both love you very much, and if things had been different, that wouldn't change. I was very young, and it was a very hard time for both of us. I should have told him about you years ago, I regret that now."

"But he must have loved his wife and daughter more than us," he reasons.

"Did you talk to him about that?" I ask gently.

His shoulders sag a little as he shakes his head. "No."

I thread my fingers through his hair. "I know he loves you very much, Jacob. If his daughter were here today he would love her too. That's how it is for parents – they don't choose a child to love – they love all their children. Seeing how much he enjoys being with you convinces me he'd have loved you always." My voice drops to a whisper as I admit my own culpability. "If I'd given him the chance."

I squeeze him a little closer to me, and he looks up. "I'm so sorry I didn't tell him about you, years ago, but I think we're on the right track now. We both love you and we're very proud of you and he'll always be a part of your life."

"So can we move to Seattle?"

"What?" I ask, surprised.

"If we lived in Seattle – near him – I'd get to see both of you every day," he says eagerly. "You could get a job there, and I don't mind changing schools... well, after the play... but it would take time to arrange anyway, right?"

"Jacob, slow down. It's not as simple as that. Don't you want to go back to Florida? What about your friends and Nana Renee and Phil?"

"We can visit. I'll make new friends, that's what you said when we were coming here," he insists, turning the tables on me. "I'd rather stay here so I can spend time with Dad."

"You'll be able to come and stay with him. In the summers and during the holidays..." my voice trails off when I realise how lame that sounds compared to what he actually wants.

"What about my other grandparents, and my aunt and uncle?" he asks. "I guess they're my family too."

I close my eyes briefly.

"If I want to be in Dad's life then I have to meet his family," he ventures. "You don't talk about them, so I know you don't get along with them..." He looks hesitant. "But maybe they're different now. Maybe they'll want us here."

I wrack my brains thinking of a way to approach this. He's young, not stupid, he's already picked up on my feelings towards Edward's family. But he's right, if he's going to be a part of Edward's life, then there really is no way to avoid meeting his family. Even though I don't trust any of them, it wouldn't be right to instil all my fears into Jacob.

I take a deep breath. "Okay, I'm sure you're sick of hearing this by now – I know I am – but it's another difficult situation. I'd much rather we wait and talk about this with your dad. We'll sit down together and figure it out, okay?"

This seems to please him and he nods enthusiastically. "So you'll consider staying here?"

"No," I say, shaking my head. "That's not what I meant. I mean we'll talk about you meeting your dad's family."

He looks crestfallen, but he doesn't push it further. I get the distinct impression he's had enough of this for one day.

Eager to lighten the mood, I rub his hair. "Why don't we go see a movie?" I suggest. "It feels like forever since we did something fun, what do you say?"

"Can we go see that one about the aliens?"

"Yes," I smile, glancing over at his unfinished pizza which will be cold by now. "I'll even buy you a hotdog."

Over the next few days we fall back into a routine of sorts. I drive Jacob to school and then I find somewhere to while away the hours before going back for him. I can't stand the empty house, so I've spent time at the library, driving to Port Angeles to wander aimlessly around the streets or visiting Leah and Sue.

By Friday though, I know I have to face it. It won't go away.

After I've dropped Jacob off, I force myself to come back to the house and do the unthinkable. Creeping into Charlie's room, I sit on the edge of the bed and stare at his closet and the dresser. I sit for a while, plucking up the courage to at least make a start, hoping that maybe it won't be as hard as I fear.

I walk slowly to the closet and open the door. His uniforms and shirts are hanging in a neat row. My eyes fall on the sweatshirt hanging from the hook on the back of the door. My fingers smooth over the sleeve before I allow myself to lift it to my nose. Inhaling deeply, it is such a bitter-sweet relief to find that it still smells of him.

I pull the shirt from the hook and bury my face in it. The ache in my heart is as strong as ever, but the tears are welcome. I stay like that for a while, rooted to the spot and reliving memories – both good and bad – that his scent is drawing forth.

Finally spent, I pull the sweatshirt over my head and slip my arms into the sleeves, before reaching up onto the top shelf and pulling a large box down. I lay it on the bed before repeating the motion until there are no more boxes on the shelf. Sitting cross-legged on the centre of the bed, I open the first one.

It's full of yellowing old books that look like they've never seen the light of day in decades. I rifle through them briefly, before sliding the box to the side and pulling another one forward. This one is full of old documents that I'll have to go through before shredding. The next box has some photographs and random items of bric-a-brac in it. I carry that one to the dresser, deciding that I'd like to go through that with Jacob.

His drawers are neat and well-organised, and I cry while I remove his sweaters and polo shirts and put them into bags. Every now and then I manage a wry chuckle at how old some of his clothes are. There's little point taking any of it to Goodwill.

Going through his things, it quickly becomes clear that Charlie has done most of the work for me. Everything is meticulously organised. Apart from the documents and the photo box, everything else can be disposed of. I carry the bags out to the car and put them in the trunk. I don't want Jacob to see me throwing out Charlie's things.

The fact that Charlie wasn't sentimental about belongings makes it so much easier for me to reconcile myself with doing this, and I make a small detour to dispose of them on the way to collect Jacob. There is still so much to be done, but I feel a sense of relief that I've jumped the first hurdle.

"You look like a boy!" Jacob roars with laughter, holding up the most awful picture of me.

We're going through the box from Charlie's room. Most of the photos are of me, and from the empty envelops that are in the box, I've discovered that Renee had been sending him pictures of me all through my childhood. It must have been heartbreaking for him, not seeing much of me, since I'd refused to come more than once every other year for a couple of weeks.

The knot in my chest tightens at that thought. Going through the parts of my life that Charlie missed has made me realise that he's now missing so much more. Bitterness seeps into my chest when I think about the Cullens having the opportunity to watch Jacob grow up while Charlie never will.

"I was eleven," I say in defence, forcing a smile and pushing my bitterness aside. "I thought short hair would suit me."

Jacob sniggers at the photo again. "Well, it didn't."

He pulls another picture out and studies it before flipping it over so I can see. "Who's that?"

I've seen this one before. It's a picture of Charlie when he was a little older than Jacob is now. He's standing with his father –my grandfather, whom I never met– and he looks so proud holding out a large fish. As I stare at the picture, I see tiny similarities between him and Jacob. I've only ever seen Edward in him before. It's strange how a child can look so like two people who aren't related by blood.

"That's Grandpa Charlie when he was around your age," I say wistfully.

"I really miss him," Jacob tells me solemnly. "I wish we could go fishing with him again."

I raise my arm to accept his embrace as he scoots closer. "Me too, Jake."

"What time's Dad coming tomorrow?" he asks, pulling away again. "Maybe we could go fishing with him?"

"We're going to the game, remember?"

His eyes light up. "Oh yeah, I forgot about that."

Though Jacob's enthusiasm is touching, I can't help but feel a little apprehensive. It's been almost two weeks since the funeral, and Edward has been away on business. We've talked briefly on the phone, but not about anything of importance. I get the feeling he won't push me too hard to talk, but in my heart I know he's right. In order to help Jacob through the minefield, we must first tiptoe through it ourselves.

Tomorrow represents the start of a new phase. We're going to Seattle, and Jacob has already expressed his desire to spend some time at Edward's apartment. I have no doubt that Edward and I will discuss the prospect of letting his family meet Jacob.

I remember Edward's words.

_"I want you to let me in."_

Thinking back, Edward was exactly what we needed in Charlie's last weeks. I have no way of knowing what work related things he might have had to cancel in order to be there for Jacob, but given his admission that he's been working seven days a week, he's proven himself more than willing to put Jacob first. The very thought of that endears him to me far more than I want it to.

He was here for me too. The way he cared for me the night Charlie died fills me with equal parts regret and yearning. Regret for the man I lost all those years ago, and yearning for the things we can never get back. Lying in bed – wide awake – while Jacob sleeps soundly across the room, I allow myself to think of the kiss we shared.

At first, when I recalled it, it filled me with shame to think that on the night my father died I practically threw myself at Edward. But now that my emotions are less raw, I can look at it with a fresh perspective. I've never felt lonelier than I did that night, and it was all too easy to want more when Edward offered me comfort. My tumultuous emotions had blurred the lines, and in my desperation, I wanted him to make the pain go away.

He took care of me and gave me everything I asked, but he was wise enough to know that we would have bitterly regretted it if things had gone further. I remember his hands gripping my arms as he stopped it, but then the memory of his fingers digging into my back as he pulled me close washes over me. It wasn't a one-sided kiss at all. My lips twitch and my blood heats as I recall the feel of his tongue against mine when he kissed me and pulled me to him.

My mouth is suddenly dry, and the ache that builds in the pit of my stomach forces me to stop before I start to really want what my heart is screaming out for. While Edward has proved, thus far, that he can be trusted where Jacob is concerned, I am an entirely different prospect. Thankful as I am that he was there when I needed him most, I don't think I could endure being rejected by him again.

"Do we have any money?" Jacob asks.

We're on the highway about twenty minutes from Seattle. Though we've been on the road for three hours, it's been a pleasant drive and Jacob has spent some of the time going through his lines for the school play. I'm so glad he was allowed to keep his part. It means so much to him and is the perfect distraction from all the grief surrounding us.

"We?" I chuckle, arching an eyebrow. "Did you check your pockets?"

"Okay, do _you_ have any money?" he amends.

"I'm hardly going to come to Seattle with an empty wallet," I point out. "Why do you ask?"

"I was thinking about that shirt that Dad gave me," he begins. "You know, the signed one? Well, I think I'd like to start collecting shirts so..." he hesitates a little. "If it's okay with you, I'd like to keep that one special and buy a new one today – to wear."

I glance at him in the rear-view mirror. "Well, since you haven't had any allowance since we got here, I guess you're due some money. We'll buy you a shirt when we get there."

"Thanks, Mom." He beams at me and then turns and looks out of the window at the city landscape coming into view. "Are we going to his house first?"

"He lives in an apartment," I reply. "But we're meeting him at the stadium. We're having dinner at his apartment after the game," I add, hoping that he can't hear the frisson of tension in my voice.

Allowing myself to mull over his kiss might not have been the best idea. Since I woke up this morning, I've been feeling inexplicably nervous about seeing him again and being in his domain.

The roads leading to the stadium are already teeming with traffic. I'm grateful for this since it means that movement is slow and it gives me more time to follow the directions Edward gave us. Jacob reads from the slip of paper while we look for the landmarks Edward included. Jacob claps his hands together in glee when he spots the stadium, and I have to remind him to stay focussed on the directions because we won't be parking there. Edward has provided directions to a parking garage a little bit further away.

Once the car is safely parked in the lot, we get out and start making our way to the stadium. The directions are no longer necessary since there are so many obvious fans heading that way. Jacob bounds along beside me like an excited puppy; his enthusiasm is infectious. It's so good to see him smiling again.

We climb a flight of stairs that open to a view of the stadium. Edward said he'd meet us at the entrance, and I crane my neck in a futile attempt to see over the people walking in front. We get to the entrance and there's no sign of him. I keep my hand on Jacob's shoulder so that he doesn't get separated from me. I'm just contemplating calling Edward on my cell when I spot him walking towards us.

Jacob runs at him as soon as he sees him, and Edward grins broadly while steeling himself when Jacob smacks right into him. I keep my back to the wall as I watch them greet one another and then Edward looks up and his eyes meet mine. He smiles.

I smile back, but feel a little self-conscious when his eyes never leave my face as they walk towards me. I pull my bag off my shoulder and root around inside, more for distraction rather than purpose.

"Hey," he greets softly as they reach me. "How are you?"

I look up into his concerned eyes and tell him I'm okay.

"Good," he says. "Thanks for coming."

His tone is hesitant, making me wonder if he feels as awkward as I do. Jacob reminds me about the shirt, so we head to the shop to buy him one. While Jacob browses the shelves looking for a shirt his size, Edward tells me he already bought the tickets. I thank him with a small smile and am relieved when he doesn't offer to pay when I'm buying Jacob's shirt.

The stadium is already pretty busy, and Jacob and I follow as Edward leads us to our seats in the lower box. I keep a firm grip of Jacob as we navigate through the throngs of people on the stairs.

"Wow! These are great seats," Jacob enthuses when we reach them.

I look at Edward. "No executive box?" I quip dryly.

His lips curve up on one side. "I thought I'd slum it today," he says humorously.

"I hate to break it to you," I say, pointing to the bleachers. "But over there is where you slum it."

He glances over and chuckles. "What can I say? I forgot my binoculars."

Jacob's eyes roam all around the stadium. Even when the game starts it's a good ten minutes before the action captures his attention, but soon enough he starts yelling and cheering along with everyone else.

Edward and I both watch him as he loses himself in the game. He leaps out of his seat countless times, yelling and high-fiving us one minute and then throwing his arms up in frustration the next. Even when it becomes clear that the Mariners won't win, Jacob still clings on to the hope that they will.

Edward grins at me frequently throughout the game, clearly enjoying seeing Jacob so animated. "He's so passionate," he remarks, leaning close so I can hear him. I smile, but it drops from my face when he adds, "He gets that from you."

I swallow hard as I turn to face him. "What?"

"I remember how passionate you were during the games we watched on TV," he clarifies with a smile. "Even when we were watching the X-Files you used to get so worked up about the plot."

"I seem to remember you enjoyed the debates yourself." I laugh lightly.

His eyes dip to my mouth, and the laughter dies in my throat. I look back out across the field, aware that he is still watching me.

At the end of the game we start to file out along with everyone else. Just outside the stadium, a young blond man approaches Edward. The slight glint of surprise in his eyes isn't hard to spot as his eyes drift downwards, taking in Edward's attire. I hadn't even considered how casually Edward is dressed until now.

"Mr. Cullen," the man says formally. This surprises me because he looks like he's at least my age.

"Riley," Edward says coolly.

"Did you enjoy the game?" Riley asks him, before his eyes swing to me.

"As much as one can enjoy watching their team lose," Edward says, and both Jacob and I turn to look at him at the same time. It's like someone has turned Edward's internal heating off. His whole demeanor can only be described as frosty.

There is a brief, awkward pause before Edward introduces us. "Bella, this is Riley Biers, he works for me."

"Pleased to meet you," I say with a smile, accepting his extended hand and shaking it. He's very handsome in a roguish way. His features are very angular; a strong jaw line, long, straight nose and full, dark lips that spread into a grin revealing a set of perfectly straight white teeth.

"The pleasure's mine," he says smoothly.

I notice that Edward makes no attempt to tell Riley who I am, but when he turns his attention to Jacob, Edward speaks again.

"This is my son, Jacob."

Riley's eyebrows shoot up as he shakes Jacob's hand. "I didn't know you had–"

Edward shoots Riley a murderous look, preventing him from finishing the sentence. It's clear that Edward does not care for his employees openly passing comment on his private life.

Looking embarrassed, Riley forces a smile. "It was nice to meet you both," he says, the air of formality back in his voice. He nods at Edward. "I'll see you on Monday."

He turns on his heel and disappears into the throng of people leaving the stadium.

"Don't you like him?" Jacob asks, looking up at Edward.

Edward looks a little flustered. "He works for me," he says, as if that explains things.

Jacob's brow furrows. "He was just saying hello, and you looked angry with him."

"I wasn't angry with him," Edward argues. "I just like to keep my private life, private."

"Are you embarrassed because he saw you with us?" Jacob asks with a hint of challenge in his voice.

"God no!" Edward says, crouching down to Jacob's eye level. "I told you I'd never be embarrassed of you. I'm proud of you. It's just... well, I'm his boss, so–"

"Grandpa Charlie was Sam's boss and he was never mean to him," Jacob tells him.

Edward stands up and pushes his hand into his hair. "Point taken," he says, nodding. "But please don't think I was ashamed of you. In fact," he glances at me. "I was going to talk to you both about this tonight. My company is hosting a charity gala here in Seattle next month, and I'd very much like for you to come."

My mouth pops open in surprise, but before I can speak, Edward continues.

"It's a family thing," he explains. "Everyone takes their children, and I'd really like to take Jacob,"

"Can we go, Mom?" Jacob asks eagerly.

"Oh, yes, You too, of course," Edward says. "I wouldn't expect Jacob to come without you."

"So it's a _family _thing?" I ask, drawing out the word family, hoping that Edward will catch my main point of concern.

"Yes. The kids love it. They like dressing up fancy and–" At last the penny drops.

"Would I get to wear a suit?" Jacob pipes up. "With a tie? And shiny shoes?"

While Jacob dreams of dressing like a mini-Edward, I shake my head at the life size version. What the hell is he thinking? I've seen the pictures from previous galas and his family will definitely be there.

"We can discuss it nearer the time," I say, curtly, and Jacob's mouth snaps shut. Sighing, I place my hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap. I just need to talk to your dad about the details before I decide if it's something we should go to. But it's a month away, so we don't have to decide right now," I add, trying to inject some lightness into my tone.

We walk to the parking garage in silence. Edward walks us to our car.

"Aren't we coming to your apartment now?" Jacob asks miserably.

"Of course you are," Edward says. "I just needed to see where you're parked. I'm going to bring my car around and then you and your mom will follow me there."

I open the door for Jacob and he climbs inside. I close the door, and Edward walks with me as I round the car to the driver's side.

"We should have discussed this first," I whisper. "You know your family will be there."

"I was going to mention it to you later," he whispers back.

I pause without opening the door, and he leans his hand on the roof. Keeping his voice low, he speaks again. "Listen, why don't you and Jacob stay over tonight? It would give us a chance to talk... about everything. We both know Jacob wants to meet my family. Let's not make the same mistake we made at Alice's." His eyes are beseeching.

I consider his words. I have no argument against any of it. We made a grave mistake the last time we tried to explain things to Jacob, and I don't want to risk that again. I need to know exactly what to expect from his family – and how Edward intends to support us through it – before I'll let them anywhere near him.

It would make sense to stay at his apartment, because it wouldn't be safe to drive home after what, I'm sure, will be a very difficult conversation. I glance into the car to see Jacob looking out at us. In the future, he'll be staying here when he visits Edward, so it makes sense for me to be with him the first time he stays over.

"Okay," I say with a heavy sigh. "Is there a mall on the way? I need to buy a few things for us."

Edward's relief is palpable as he thanks me and then strides off to get his car.

An hour and half later we arrive at Edward's building, complete with new pyjamas, toothbrushes and underwear. Jacob is excited that we are having a 'sleepover', and the only comfort for me is that it has taken his mind off the charity ball.

As we follow Edward's car into the underground parking lot, Jacob remarks that it looks like an office complex. If it wasn't for the balconies, I would have to agree. I pull into the space beside Edward's car before Jacob leaps out. Edward insists on taking the bags from me, and I walk behind him to the elevator, taking in the surroundings. Once inside the elevator, it doesn't surprise me when he stabs the button for the top floor.

Jacob pulls faces at his reflection in the mirrored doors. Edward catches my eye and my cheeks heat a little before I look away. The doors slide open to reveal an opulent entryway with soft lighting, classy decor and only one door.

"Your apartment takes up the entire level?" I ask incredulously before I can stop myself.

He shakes his head with a smile. "No, there's an elevator on the south side for my neighbour."

Jacob bounces on his heels as Edward slides his key into the lock and opens the door. Jacob doesn't have to be asked twice as Edward gestures to him, and he quickly darts inside.

"Wow!" I hear him exclaim, and Edward rolls his eyes in amusement, before stepping aside to let me enter.

The hallway is long with numerous doors, and reminds me a little of a hotel corridor. The walls are plain cream with dark canvases dotted along them at precise intervals. At the end of the hallway there is no door, and I step out into a huge open living space. Instantly, I understand Jacob's exclamation.

Two of the main walls consist almost entirely of glass, which affords a spectacular view of the city. Jacob already has his hands pressed against it, looking out at the Space Needle nestled in the bustling city. I step further into the room, and to my right is a partitioning wall of tiled glass, which partially conceals a spacious kitchen.

The kitchen units are constructed of a luxurious cherry wood and a large island sits in the center of the room. A matching dining table with eight chairs sits by the window. I wonder if there has ever been eight people sitting around it.

"Come and see the view!" Jacob yells excitedly.

Like the hallway, the main living room is decorated in soft neutral colours. The large over stuffed sofa is cream with toffee coloured cushions, the rug is equally bland and the whole space is as sterile as a show home.

I half expected Edward to have an ultra modern apartment with clean lines and no hint of personality. I scan the room, and while there is an abundance of soft furnishings there is no soul, nothing that would give any impression of the person that lives here. I feel like a realtor has handed me a listing flyer and I've stepped into it.

"You don't like it."

I turn to find Edward staring at me. He has a deep crease between his brows and his mouth is on the verge of a frown.

"It's lovely," I say mechanically. "It's very..." I stall.

"Soulless?" He finishes for me, his eyebrow arched slightly. "At least that's what Esme calls it," he says, his tone lightening a little. "She wants to help me redecorate, but I don't spend a lot of time here so there's no point."

I look around again at the large lamps and the pretty pictures on the walls. "Did you buy it completely furnished?" I ask.

He nods.

"It's very tidy," I say stupidly.

"I have a cleaning lady."

Edward gives us a small tour of the apartment and shows us the rooms we will be sleeping in. Jacob claims the pale blue one at the far end of the corridor, while I'll be sleeping in the white one that has all the charm of a hospital room. We don't get to see Edward's bedroom.

Later, the three of us make dinner together in the kitchen that looks like it's barely been used. Dusk has fallen over the city and the view is simply breathtaking. Jacob has already peppered the windows with finger and nose prints. I've scolded him three times, but Edward doesn't seem to mind at all.

As I put the finishing touches to the meal, Edward shows Jacob where everything is, and together they set the table. Once the food has been served, we sit down, and I admire the beautiful sight of the city spread out below us.

Edward asks if I'd like some wine, and I hold my glass out while he pours it. Jacob raises his glass of juice and clinks it against mine before holding it out to Edward, he holds his up to allow him to repeat the motion.

"You have to do it too," he says, waggling his finger at our glasses.

Edward's eyes connect with mine as our glasses touch. He laughs when Jacob speaks again.

"This is nice, isn't it?"

"It is," Edward agrees.

I look out of the window as I take a sip of wine, feeling like I've been transported into some sort of alternate universe. Jacob chatters while we eat and asks Edward if he can look through his DVD collection after dinner. Edward admits that he probably doesn't have anything Jacob would like, but is sure there will be something on cable that he'll like.

My stomach is in knots as I listen to them plan the evening. All I can think about is the discussion Edward and I have to have after Jacob goes to bed. I know it's a necessary evil, but I can't say I'm looking forward to it at all.

Midway through the meal there is a loud knock on the door, and I drop my fork in fright. It clatters to the table, and Edward's eyes snap to mine.

"Are you expecting someone?" I ask.

"No," he frowns, standing. "I'll be right back."

Jacob continues eating while I listen to Edward's soft footsteps as he goes to the door.

What are you doing here?" Edward's voice filters through to us. "I told you I wouldn't be around this weekend."

* * *

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	21. Chapter 21

"I had a meeting with Molly to go over some of the details for the ball. I was going to just pop these papers with the details in your letterbox, but I'm glad I caught you."

Esme's voice drifts down the hallway, causing bile to rise in my throat. Panicked, I glance at Jacob to find him staring eagerly in the direction of the hallway.

"I'm... um... I have company." Edward's voice is hesitant.

Jacob stands up, prompting me to round the table quickly. I whisper to him that we should check out the view from the veranda, while frantically looking for the latch on the glass doors. Edward's voice recedes a little, and I guess that he's stepping outside to talk to Esme. My hands are shaking so badly; my fingers flutter like moth's wings over the latch. I fumble several times before finally managing to unlock the doors and slide them open. Jacob complains when I pull him outside.

A blast of cool air hits me as I turn to close the doors. In my panicked state, I close them a little too forcefully, the loud bang making me cringe.

"Why can't we go see who Dad's talking to?" Jacob asks, eyeing me curiously.

"Because it might be someone from work," I hedge. "It would be rude to interrupt them."

Jacob frowns but says nothing more. I try to distract him by sharing the very few facts I can remember about the Space Needle. He stares at it while I talk but doesn't look particularly interested.

With the passing minutes, my heart rate starts to return to normal. If Edward had set this up, he would have invited Esme into the apartment by now. It seems it really is just an unfortunate coincidence that she turned up tonight.

I glance down to see Jacob staring into the apartment, just like I am. A small frisson of amusement ripples through me at the absurdity of the situation. Here we are, hiding outside like a couple of fugitives. My attempts to distract Jacob with the view prove fruitless. He wants to know who the woman is talking to his father.

After a few minutes, Edward steps out onto the veranda. "Sorry about that," he says, his gaze switching between Jacob and me.

"Who was that?" Jacob asks, still craning his neck to see if Edward has brought his surprise visitor with him.

I can't help but sneak a look behind him too. Thankfully, there is no one inside the apartment.

Edward opens his mouth to speak, but I head him off. "I was just telling Jacob that it was probably someone from work," I say, raising my eyebrows conspiratorially at him.

He frowns – much like Jacob did minutes ago. "Um... it was to do with the ball," he says, glancing at me again before looking down at Jacob. "It was a lady bringing me some details."

"Oh, can I see?" Jacob asks eagerly. He turns to me, giving me his best doe-eyed look. "Please let me go," he pleads.

"I said I'd think about it," I remind him.

His shoulders sag in disappointment as his expression sours. "Can we pick a movie now?" he asks, sulking.

Edward points Jacob towards his book case, telling him to go have a look at his DVDs. As soon as Jacob has gone, he turns to me.

"I swear I didn't know she was coming," he insists sincerely. "She's gone now."

"Does she know we're here?" I ask.

He nods. I bite my lip angrily. Catching my reaction, he takes a step closer. "Look, they've all stuck to their word and stayed away, I–"

I jam my fingers into my hair, turning away from him. "I hate that Jacob wants to see them," I admit.

He comes up behind me. "I know, but it's not going to go away."

"Well, not now that you've put the idea of going to the ball into his head," I accuse bitterly.

"I already apologised for that." He sighs. "But I want him to come. I want to show him that he belongs in my life. In _every_ part of it."

I turn to face him. "I know you do, but I don't think you've thought this through. He'll be like a little side show for all your colleagues to stare at. How are you going to explain that you suddenly have a son? People will start asking awkward questions..." I groan in frustration. "And then there's your family. Do you really think Jacob and I can sit with them for an entire evening?"

He stuffs his hands in his pockets and looks out into the distance. "I don't care what anyone thinks. He's my son and I'll be proud to have him there." He gazes down at me. "You won't have to sit with my family. You'll be sitting with me."

"So I'll be part of the freak show too?" I snipe. "Did you think of the media coverage?"

He stares at me, nonplussed.

"I've seen pictures from previous events," I elaborate. "There were articles, too. If Jacob and I are there, do you really want to appear in the gossip columns?"

He snorts. "I think you're exaggerating. The only interest I've ever garnered was in the business section. I doubt anyone will be that interested."

I have to bite back my retort about how his blondes attracted plenty of interest in the society pages. The last thing I want is for him to know that I snooped on him. "I still think it's a bad idea," I say lamely.

I divert my attention inside to see Jacob hunched forward, his head tilted to the side as he runs his finger along the row of DVDs. "I agreed to talk about your family tonight, we can discuss the ball later," I say, turning my attention back to Edward.

"That's all I'm asking," he confirms, his voice holding a slight edge.

My shoulders sag as the realisation sets in that this is going to happen, whether I want it to or not. There really is no getting away from it. "I need you to be completely honest with me, Edward. Please don't sugar coat things so that I'll agree to let Jacob meet them." I turn to face him, my eyes searching his. "I need to be able to trust you, but I don't think I'm there yet. I don't want them to do to Jacob what they did to me. This is very hard for me; I'm trying not to pass on my prejudices to Jacob." I swallow thickly. "I just need you to help me with this... I need you to be honest with me so I can be sure that I'm not setting Jacob up to be hurt."

His expression is dark and unreadable as he stares at me. "I promise you–" He stops abruptly, apparently noticing my wince when he uses the word 'promise'. He straightens. "I wouldn't let Jacob anywhere near my family if I thought they would treat him badly. Like I said earlier, they've respected my wishes to give you, Jacob and Charlie your time without any interference from us. My paramount concern is for Jacob's feelings, of that you can be sure. His happiness means more to me than anyone else's."

His words penetrate my doubts. "Okay, we'll talk tonight," I say lightly, making my way towards the door.

Edward goes to the bathroom, and since Jacob is still looking for a DVD, I make my way to the kitchen to begin clearing up.

"Mom, I don't know any of these movies," Jacob complains from the living room.

Of course he doesn't. Edward lives alone and he's over 35, it's unlikely he'll have copies of Ratatouille or The Karate Kid in his DVD collection. "Just call out some of the titles to me, and I'll tell you if I think you'll like it," I call to him from across the room.

"Saving Private Ryan."

Too depressing, no one should watch war films when they're grieving. "Don't shout, Jacob, and I don't think you'll like that one."

"Braveheart."

I snort, every man I know has a copy of that movie in their collection, well, that and either Star Wars or Bladerunner. In fact, I think Edward has had that DVD since we...I put the thought aside, wanting to save memories of our arguments over all things pop culture until I am alone. "Nope, try again."

"Bladerunner."

Now I laugh out loud, I can't help it. How predictable, it seems some things with Edward never change. "Not for a couple of years, Jacob."

I hear his huff of frustration and his hands rifling through plastic cases from here in the kitchen. He hates being told he's too young for things, but I'm determined to keep him my little boy for at least a little while longer.

"Naughty Nurses, Volume Twelve."

There should be skid marks on the tile floor of the kitchen, I run so fast to the living room. "Give me that!" Thank god, the cover isn't too explicit. Jacob blinks owlishly at me. What was Edward thinking having THIS mixed in with his films...in the living room?

"Can I watch that one?" he asks. My reaction must have tipped him off.

"Absolutely not." I need to redirect his attention, and fast. "Why don't we go out for a walk?"

"Why can't I watch that one?"

"You're too young for it." And you always will be, son. Please let him drop it...

"How old do I have to be?"

"Thirty." I blurt out.

"Thirty? That's so old!"

Maybe thirty is old to him, but the more shocks I get like this the less I think I'll survive past my own thirtieth birthday.

I tell him we'll look for a movie on cable after clearing up. In typical Jacob style, he dodges the clearing up by asking if he can change into his pajamas. It's barely eight o'clock. Evidently, Jacob doesn't trust me not to change my mind about staying over. Putting his pajamas on this early is his way of making sure I stick to my word.

I watch Jacob dart up the hallway towards the bedroom and see Edward disappearing into his own bedroom. I remove the offending DVD from the bookcase to take it into the kitchen with me. I wouldn't put it past Jacob to come back for a closer look.

"Where's Jacob?" Edward asks, startling me.

"Changing," I tell him. Picking up the DVD case from the counter, I turn and hand it to him. "You might want to keep this separate from the rest of your collection when Jacob is around," I suggest.

He looks down at it, his eyes growing wide. "Oh shit!" he exclaims. "Did Jacob see that? I forgot it was there." He looks at me. "That was Emmett's idea of a joke."

I nod knowingly, and he chuckles. "I'm sorry. I guess it wasn't a good idea to let him rummage through my DVDs."

He stretches up and puts it on top of the cupboard. I can't help it when my eyes descend down the length of his body. He has changed into a white T-shirt and grey sweatpants. As he stretches the shirt rides up, revealing his tight abdomen and the enticing trail of hair that leads down to his... I swallow thickly and force my eyes upwards.

His hair is mussed from changing, and seeing him look like he just stepped out of my memory takes my breath away. Satisfied that the DVD is safely out of Jacob's reach, he turns his attention back to me. "Leave the clearing up. I'll do it later," he insists with an easy smile that is probably intended to relax me but electrifies me instead.

"It's okay," I insist with a fake smile. I turn away from him when the warmth of happier times burgeons in my chest. "I find it relaxing. Go back to Jacob. I'll join you when I'm done," I babble.

Even though his movements are quiet, I hear him moving towards me. Taking my hand, he leads me to the other side of the kitchen where he bends and opens a dishwasher. "Just dump the dishes in here," he says with a smirk. "And come join us."

I look down at my hand in his. "Why do you always do this?" I whisper. I'm so close to him; the familiar scent of him fills my nostrils. The powerful effect this has on me, scares me.

"What?" he asks innocently.

"You're always touching me." I take a few deep breaths as my mind betrays me, relaying images of the kiss we shared two weeks ago. In a momentary lapse of reason, I blurt out what's on my mind. "You kissed me back."

His grip tightens almost imperceptibly. "I did," he admits, obviously knowing instantly what I'm referring to. "Does that bother you?"

I lift my eyes to meet his. My cheeks are hot, and my mouth dry. "Yes."

_But only because you stopped._

His eyes drop to my mouth. "I'm not sorry."

I gaze into his handsome face. His eyes are bright with anticipation, and he licks his lips. It's like the years have melted away, and suddenly we're back to being us. My heartbeat kicks up a notch, but the enjoyment in his touch is now tainted – because it's laced with fear.

"I don't know who you are anymore," I whisper. "I don't know if I ever really knew you at all."

"You did," he insists.

"You promised me..." I can feel hot tears sting my eyes. I don't even know why I'm bringing this up _now_. Jacob's in the next room. I can't lose control, but every ounce of hurt that I've held back starts to weigh down on me. "None of it was real for you."

He lets go of my hand, and I expect him to step away – except he doesn't. He threads his fingers through my hair and pulls me forward. "It was," he insists softly.

Even though I want to push him away, my traitorous hands splay across his chest. I hate the dichotomy of my feelings for him and almost sag with relief when he suddenly steps back.

"Can we check if there's a film on now?" Jacob's voice rings out into the space between us, jolting me out of the spell I was under.

He must have heard Jacob's approach. I blink back the threatening tears, worried that Jacob will see them.

dragging in a much needed cleansing breath, I blurt out the first stupid thing that pops into my head. "Um... Edward was just showing me the dishwasher."

"Can't that wait?" Jacob groans impatiently.

Somehow, I manage to smile weakly at Jacob. "Of course it can," I say, brushing past Edward and following Jacob into the living room. Jacob plonks himself down on the sofa, and I sit beside him while Edward takes the chair.

I have no idea what we're watching. My mind reels the whole time as I berate myself for behaving like a hormonal teenager. I steal glances at Edward, his bare feet bother me for some reason, it seems too intimate, and I wish he'd put socks on.

In the flickering glow from the television, there is a sense of intimacy surrounding us that is almost surreal to me. The three of us relaxing together like other families do fills me with that same longing I felt when I was a little girl. Jacob pulls his legs up onto the sofa, stretching out until his feet are in my lap – just like he does at home. He is completely at ease and engrossed in the movie. It's been so long since I've seen him in such a state of relaxed contentment, that witnessing it tonight fills me with the best feeling I've had in weeks.

I rub his feet, taking pleasure in his enjoyment of the film rather than watching it myself. As the night wears on though, my thoughts start to drift to what lies ahead. I try to gauge Edward's mood. I can tell he's not paying attention to the film, because every time Jacob laughs there's a short pause and then Edward forces a laugh too.

When the film finishes I sit up and stretch. "Time for bed," I announce, looking at Jacob.

He stands and wraps his arms around my neck. "Do you want me to come with you?" I whisper, pleased that he doesn't complain.

Pulling back, he shakes his head. "Can dad come with me?" Worry is clear in his eyes as he scans my face for a reaction.

I smile affectionately, kissing the tip of his nose. "I'm sure he'd love that."

Having clearly heard us, Edward stands up. He smiles at Jacob, and I watch as they leave the room. I sag back onto the sofa, covering my face with my hands. Being in Edward's home is unsettling. On the one hand, I can't help but enjoy his touches; it's almost impossible to stop myself from responding –but on the other hand, I can't forget how he ripped my heart out when he walked away from me before.

However, more than anything, I'm keenly aware that Jacob is the one who stands to lose the most. Succumbing to my feelings for Edward would only give Jacob hope, and if things didn't work out between us, we'd have a devastated little boy on our hands.

This realisation makes me see more than ever that I have to be cautious in how I deal with my growing feelings for Edward. Jacob is so invested in the father/son relationship that I can't risk souring the tentative truce Edward and I have forged. All of this will be so much easier on Jacob if Edward and I are on good terms, and I don't think that would be possible if we start something that is sure to end badly.

I mull it over a thousand times while I load the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen. Feeling a little bit like I'm taking liberties, I open another bottle of wine and pour a glass before taking it back to the living room. It's a while before Edward comes back, and spotting my glass he heads to the kitchen and brings the bottle in with a glass for himself.

"He's asleep," he says, setting his glass down before refilling mine. "I can't tell you how good it is to have him here," He looks at me and smiles brightly. "Thank you for agreeing to stay."

I manage a small smile and agree that Jacob will be revelling in it too.

` He sits down beside me and settles back on the cushions, regarding me. "How are things at home?" he asks gently.

A spear of pain shoots through me. "I'm coping," I say, not meeting his eyes.

"If there's anything I can do, you know you just need to ask," he assures me. "If you need someone to talk to... you can call me. I know you have support, but I'm here for you too."

I appreciate his offer and nod in acknowledgement.

I take a large gulp of wine. "So, I guess we need to talk about your family," I say, changing the subject.

There's a short pause before he responds. "Jacob just asked me when he'll meet them," he says. "I told him we'll talk about it tomorrow. Is that okay?"

"Now that he's got his mind set on it, I guess I have no choice."

He raises an inquisitive eyebrow.

"Once he decides he wants something, he never gives up until he gets it," I say with a wry chuckle. "It's one of the things I admire most in him... even though it makes my life very difficult at times."

"I'm sorry about springing the ball on you. I didn't mean to put you on the spot."

"I get why you did it. I just wish you'd mentioned it to me first," I say.

He lifts his wine glass, raising it to his mouth and looks at me over the rim as he takes a sip. "I think it might be best if Jacob meets all my family together," he suggests. "Even though it might be a little overwhelming to begin with, it gets the introductions and the awkwardness out of the way in one go."

I ponder this for a moment. I can see Edward's point, but it's difficult to judge when I have no clue how they will behave around us. "How do you think they'll react to him?"

His jaw flexes a little. "Esme and Alice are desperate to meet him." His eyes hold mine. "They're also desperate to apologise to you but agreed that you're not ready for that yet."

"I don't want their apologies," I say bitterly. "What's done is done; I have no interest in reconciling with your family. I just want to make sure they treat Jacob right. After we move back to Florida he'll be coming here alone, so I need to know that he'll be okay."

He bristles, and I wonder if my mention of Florida caused it. "I'm angry about the past too, Bella, but it's me who caused this – not my family. When they meet him, they'll love him."

"And what about me? Do you think it won't affect Jacob seeing them look at his mother like she's a piece of shit?" I shift back a little. "That's my concern. I'm the dirty little secret. I'm the one who slept with you and cost you your career. As Jacob gets older and starts to understand more about what happened between us, how long will it be before you all revert to type and pile the blame on me again? Jacob and I have a very special bond, and I don't trust you or your fucking family not to try to ruin that!" My mouth clamps shut. My voice has risen, and I worry that I'll wake Jacob.

Edward rubs his hand down in his face in frustration before draining his wine glass and refilling it. He dumps the last of the wine into my glass.

"You didn't cost me my career," he say, furrowing his brow.

I stare at him, struggling to comprehend his words. "Of course I did. If I hadn't confessed to the board that day, you wouldn't have lost your licence."

He plants his feet on the floor and leans forward, gazing into my face. "Bella, I didn't_ lose_ my licence. I gave it up."

My mouth drops open as I struggle to grasp what he's telling me. "What? Why?"

Looking like a man who's had a great weight removed from his shoulders, he sits back and spreads his arms across the back of the sofa. "I didn't want to do it anymore." He shrugs. "I never wanted to do it. So you don't have to worry about that. Nobody blames you for costing me my career. You didn't."

"You make it sound so cut and dried," I say warily.

He shakes his head, a look of sheer cynicism darkening his features. "You just don't see it do you? You weren't the villain of the piece, Bella. I was."

"I doubt your family sees it that way," I point out acidly. "I'm sure Carlisle doesn't share that point of view." I can't keep the venom out of my voice as the memory of that man, both past and present, sours my mood even further.

"I already told you, I'm not like I was before. I'm neither weak nor pathetic," he says, taunting me with my own words. "I will _not_ let him treat my son the way he treated me." He glances at me. "Or you."

"He's a devious bastard," I reason. "What if he tries to charm Jacob? I know Jacob, he's already dreaming of being part of a large extended family – he'll crave their approval, and if he doesn't get it, he'll be hurt."

The colour drains from Edward's face. "I know that feeling," he says quietly, suddenly looking as if he's seeing the bigger picture. But then his eyes glow with determination. "You_ can_ trust me. I promise I won't let that happen to him."

Standing up, I walk to the window. "They're just words, Edward. You've given me your word before, and in the end it meant squat."

I watch his reflection as he rises from the sofa and strides towards me. His face is stern when his eyes connect with mine. "I'm _trying_," he says, his voice shaking with anger. "I've done everything you've asked of me. I've followed your lead through all of this. I've given you space, when what I really wanted was to be there for you every minute of every day. I've left every time you asked me to, even though I didn't want to go. I'm trying to fucking _show _you that you can trust me to put what's best for you and Jacob first."

"I don't know what I'm doing here," he insists. "I don't know what's best for Jacob. The last thing I want to do is stomp in like a bull in a china shop and make things worse for the both of you." He stops, his mood changing. "You'll be going back to Florida in two months, right?" he asks. I nod. "That doesn't give me very much time to make him feel comfortable here." His eyes pierce mine. "I really do want him to be a part of my life, and I want him to feel at home here with me every time he visits, so I'll be spending as much time as I can with him before you leave."

"You–"

"Hear me out," he pleads. "If you won't acknowledge any of my actions, all I have is my word. I know it means shit to you, but I am telling you, I love Jacob and I won't let anyone hurt him. That extends to his relationship with you; I'll do everything to make sure he'll understand what no one else did."

"_No one else_?" I spit furiously, suddenly angry that he seems to have it all worked out in his head – while I'm still struggling to reconcile the untrustworthy man who betrayed me years ago, with the man who is standing before me, asking me to trust him not to break my son's heart. "_I _don't understand it. I don't understand why you walked away from me without a word. You're angry and indignant because I won't let you in _now_– when it's too late. I waited in that meadow _every day_ for you to come and tell me what was going on. I sat by the phone, I walked the fucking streets..." My voice catches. "You never gave me a thought; you never told me why you didn't want me anymore. You didn't care. So you can't blame me for not believing a fucking word that comes out of your mouth!"

The pain caused by these memories licks at my throat like flames as I lose the fight to stay calm. Desperate not to cry, my head dips as I divert my eyes away from him.

I feel his breath in my hair as he comes up behind me. He grips my arms. "I cared." He breathes heavily. "It was such a fucking shit storm and I kept all the wrong promises. It was real, you have to believe that. I just... I lost sight of what mattered most. I came back for you – more than once."

I whirl to face him. "When?"

He lifts his chin. "I came looking for you when I knew I was leaving for good. I wanted to make sure you were okay." His eyes dip. "I got my answer. Then I came to see Charlie..." A rueful smile flickers on his lips. "He threatened me with his gun. Alice and I went to Phoenix anyway, but when the trail went cold I came back to talk to Charlie again. That's when he told me you'd moved on."

Pain, guilt, betrayal, sadness, regret... these are all emotions that harden my heart as I listen to his words. But it is anger that reigns supreme while my heart turns to stone.

"I thought you were happy, and that's all I wanted for you," he finishes.

"Why didn't you come to _me?_ Why didn't you ask _me_ if I was doing okay?" I ask, tilting my face up to study his expression.

"You were so young," he whispers sadly. "You were a school girl. I was a married man with a career. It didn't make sense for you to love me the way I wanted you to."

"But I did," I insist. "You just didn't love me enough to believe it."

"I fucking loved you more than I've ever loved anyone in my life, Bella," he growls, holding my arms again. "But I thought I was demanding more from you than I had a right to ask for." He dips his head so that his face is level with mine. "Then I got caught up in the moment of what was happening with Irina and the baby–"

"And you turned your back on me."

He regards me fiercely, and I'm sure he isn't even aware that his fingers are tightening. "Yes, I did. It was unforgiveable, and I don't blame you for not telling me about Jacob... why would you? When I'd gone against everything I ever promised you. I get so angry when I think about what I did to you. I can give you my reasons, but they're all bullshit. Even though I can't justify it, it doesn't mean I'm not sorry for what I did."

He lets me go and rubs his hands furiously down his face. "And yes, maybe I am a little angry and indignant that you won't let me in now, but I can't help it – Jacob's _my_ son but you keep going to Mike for support. The day Charlie died, he should have been with me, but you didn't trust me." His eyes soften. "I've been giving you the space I thought you needed, but you and Jacob _have_ needed someone to lean on. It kills me that you wouldn't let me be that person."

"I didn't know you were in Forks that day," I tell him.

"Your mom did," he bites out. "It hurt when she called me and said you thought it would be good for Jacob to spend time with Mike's girls."

I blink up at him. "I can't even remember asking her to do that. I was all over the place. If I'd known you were there..." I close my eyes and shake my head. I probably wouldn't have asked for his help. "If I'm being honest, I don't think I do trust you."

His sigh is heavy but strangely, it sounds like relief. "I can understand that, but I can't prove myself to you and Jacob if you keep pushing me away. I'm his father; I'm the one who should be sharing the burden with you, not Mike fucking Newton."

My eyes pop open at the sheer vehemence in his voice. "Why are you so threatened by Mike? Jacob doesn't even like him very much."

"I saw you," he says quietly.

I expect him to elaborate but he doesn't. His expression is pained, but then he snorts and shakes his head as if ridding himself of some silly notion.

"What are you talking about?"

He moves back to the sofa, then spotting the empty wine bottle takes it to the kitchen and returns with a fresh one. He pours us each a glass and sits down. I sit down beside him. The wine is starting to hit me now, but I drink some anyway.

"The week before I left to move to Seattle permanently, I came to the meadow every day – looking for you. I needed to see you one last time. Staying away from you for those months was more difficult than you'll ever know, but I was fighting for my child." His frown is one of utter sadness. It looks to me like he's thinking of how disastrously that worked out. "Anyway, I knew it wouldn't be easy seeing you again, but I couldn't go without first making sure that you were okay."

"I was so miserable without you. I thought about you all the time. I despised myself for hiding away with Irina's family while you were here facing things alone." He growls in frustration. "It all sounds so stupid and pointless now... I convinced myself that you'd moved on. Irina was threatening to cut me out of the baby's life if I made any attempt to see you." He looks at me, and the irony is not lost on me. "That's why it took me so long to try to see you. I promised her I wouldn't even attempt it, but it was another promise that I couldn't keep – I had to see you. When I knew you weren't going to the meadow anymore, I started driving around Forks looking for you. And I found you."

"When?"

"It was a Saturday. I saw you and Mike coming out of the diner together. It was pouring with rain, and you were laughing as you ran across the parking lot. Then you stopped and you hugged each other. I watched you two hug for the longest time, and I knew you'd moved on – that you were okay."

"But I wasn't," I say, my mind reeling. There are so many things I want to ask him. I didn't know he wasn't living with his family in Forks during those months, or that Irina was being so horrible doing the exact same thing that I did to him. I might not have stooped to using Jacob as leverage to keep him, but _I _inadvertently carried out the threats that _she _made.

My hands shake a little when I pick up my wine glass. "So _why_ did you come back for me?"

"I couldn't live without you," he states sadly. "I knew I'd made the wrong decision, that what I was doing wasn't the best thing for anyone, not least the baby."

"But you just said you thought I'd moved on."

"That's what held me back, the thought that you were happy without me. What right did I have to try to force my way back into your life after what I did to you?" he admits. "But Alice stepped in. She came to me and told me that Mike and Jessica were getting married and that Jessica had finally admitted the truth. I should never have doubted you. What we had was so strong – so real – but I got scared that it meant more to me than it did to you."

"You _were _weak," I say quietly. "That day I was with Mike, he was saying goodbye. Jessica had asked him to choose and he chose her. Even though we'd only ever been friends and I was no threat to her, he still made the choice. He gave up our friendship to prove his love to her. He _fought_ for her. You never did that for me. You just vanished... one day you were there and the next you were gone. I don't think I'll ever get over that."

"It was that weakness that Irina played up to. She knew me better than I thought; she knew where my insecurities lay. She'd noticed things that I'd never acknowledged myself, and used them against me. She drew out the little boy in me who needed a family. She tapped right into the very part of me that couldn't walk away from my child – no matter what it cost me. It took me a long time to come to that conclusion, yet she knew it all along. But I can't blame her... I can't blame anyone – but myself."

"Oh God," I sob. "I'm so sorry that I denied you. I did it for Jacob..." I grab his hand and cling onto it, suddenly feeling the enormity of what I've kept from him. "It shouldn't have mattered what happened between us, I shouldn't have kept him from you for all this time. All this time I thought I was protecting him, but really I was protecting myself." Tears blind me when I think of Jacob feeling the exact way that Edward felt throughout his childhood. "How could we get this so wrong?"

He pulls me close, and I bury my face in his neck, breathing in the very essence of him, feeling like I want to crawl right under his skin. His strong arms hold me as his chest heaves in time with mine. He whispers heartfelt apologies into my ear, while I sob mine into his neck. I feel the wetness of our combined tears as my cheek slides upwards to graze his. My eyes are closed as my mouth seeks out his.

He clamps his hand to the back of my head, anchoring me in place as his lips claim mine and his tongue plunders my mouth. I can't get close enough as I straddle his lap, every emotion I'm feeling releasing into the kiss. My head is spinning with everything he said to me and emotions that I haven't felt in so long. Images of making love with him assail me as my heart starts to fill with the love I felt back then.

"Bella," he whispers, dragging his lips down the column of my neck. "I'm so sorry!"

His hands slide up my sides, and his thumbs brush the underside of my breasts. My eyes roll back as my hips flex involuntarily; I can clearly feel his erection through the thin material of his sweats. I grip his hair, tilting his head up to give me access to his mouth again. His groan of pleasure is soft and low. All the longing, all the regret... _everything..._ it's all there manifesting itself into this roiling maelstrom of need.

The sound of a door closing down the hallway startles me. I jump back in panic. "Jacob!" I hiss.

Edward looks up at me, his lips are slightly swollen. I groan, sliding off his lap. I try to steady myself but only succeed in knocking the wine bottle over. Its contents spew out across the table as I watch helplessly. "Oh shit!"

"You go see if Jacob's okay," Edward rasps, getting to his feet. "I'll deal with this."

Smoothing my hair, I hurry to the bedroom, but Jacob isn't there. I knock on the bathroom door. "Jacob?"

I hear the toilet flush, and the door opens. He still looks sleep rumpled, and his eyes squint against the light as he looks up at me. "I needed to go to the bathroom," he says groggily.

Relief washes over me; he didn't see us. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay." I kiss the top of his head.

"Goodnight, Mom." He yawns sleepily, and I watch as he shuffles back to bed.

I duck into the bathroom and splash my face with cold water. Tending to Jacob has anchored me...pulled my head out of the clouds. I've had way too much wine, and coupled with Edward's revelations, I've let my emotions override my judgement. Shit! What if Jacob had seen us all over each other like that? Groaning, I lean on the sink and stare at my reflection.

_You stupid, stupid woman._

The feeling that I need to go to bed and sleep this off is strong. I can talk to Edward with a clear head in the morning. I unlock the door and open it slowly, peeking out to check if the coast is clear. I tiptoe to my room to get my things. I take a quick shower in the attached bathroom before pulling on my new pajamas. I'm debating on whether to go and tell Edward I'm going to bed when there is a soft knock on the door.

Steeling myself, I walk towards it slowly. I pause with my hand on the handle and jump a little when he knocks again. I open it.

He looks as tormented as I feel. His eyes sweep over me, taking in my state of dress.

"I'm going to bed," I explain needlessly. "I've had too much wine." I can't look him in the eye. "I'm sorry."

"We'll talk more in the morning," he says solemnly.

I nod, relieved that he's willing to let it slide for tonight. But my relief is short lived, because he leans forward and wraps his arms around me, pulling me into his strong embrace. His breath is hot and heavy against my ear as he whispers to me. He is gone before the words register.

"I'm fighting now."

* * *

**The 'Naughty Nurses' DVD scene was entirely Courtney's, so I can't take credit for it. It still makes me chuckle. I'm glad she let me use it.**

**I'm about to post Bella's Outtakes. Two chapters recounting the past they are arguing about in this chapter. If you check my profile in a little while they should be there. **

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	22. Chapter 22

The first thing I feel on waking is a sharp, searing pain in my head when I try to open my eyes. At first, I'm disoriented when I take in my surroundings with one half-opened eye. The whiteness of the room increases my pain, forcing my eyelids closed again. I roll onto my back, open my eyes, and stare at the ceiling. My parched mouth renders it nigh on impossible to swallow.

A glance at my watch tells me it's barely six a.m. Groaning, I force myself to sit up. My need for fluids is stronger than my need for sleep, so I slip out of the room and pad barefoot up the hallway towards the kitchen. I hear his voice before I get to the end of it.

'No!' he says sharply. I stop in my tracks. "Absolutely not! Send Jasper." It quickly becomes apparent that he's on the phone. "Yeah... but all he has to do is dot the i's and cross the t's... he'll have to get used to being in the driver's seat anyway. No! I told you Bella and Jacob are here, and... Oh, no fucking way, if you send James you might as well kiss the deal goodbye. I have no idea why we pay that asshole so much money; he's a walking liability... Okay... it's your call. Like I said, I'm spending time with my... with Jacob and Bella."

I feel bad for eavesdropping, so I step into the kitchen. He looks up startled at first, but then his lips curve into a bright smile. He sweeps his hand around the kitchen, as if telling me to make myself at home, before stepping into the living room. I open the fridge,take out a bottle of water and drain half of it in one go while Edward finishes up his call.

"No, don't bring them over now. Why don't I meet you and Rosalie for dinner tonight? You can give them to me then." His voice grows louder again as he approaches. "Okay, I"ll make the reservation and call you later... sure, bye."

"Morning," he says softly, returning to the kitchen and laying the phone on the counter.

I tip my bottle towards the phone. "It's a bit early for a business call. I hope we're not keeping you back?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "It was Emmett. We're close to finalising a deal and he wanted me to fly to Brazil today to see it out. There're a few things that need to be finalized and Emmett's freaking out because he can't go himself."

"And you don't want to do it?"

He smiles like he's having some kind of epiphany. "Not at all." He regards me for a few moments before continuing. "I already told him I had plans with you this weekend. In fact, I've cleared all my weekends for the foreseeable future."

"For Jacob?"

He smiles. "And you. I want to spend as much time with you both possible." He starts to move towards me, and I see the determined glint in his eye.

"About last night," I say, but then I cringe at the cliché and can't help the bubble of amusement that erupts in my throat.

He comes up close, but not close enough to be touching me. "I think it's good that we're finally starting to talk," he says. "And the kiss was nice, too."

My eyes snap up to his. I'm relieved to see there is not a trace of smugness in his expression. We stare at each other for a long moment. I feel a little bit like I'm under scrutiny. It bothers me a little that I've only kissed him whilst overcome with grief or alcohol, because deep down I know that I truly want him, and there is no other mitigating factor than that.

"Maybe we should take advantage of the time we have before Jacob wakes up," he says, softly. My surprised gasp earns a chuckle from him. "I mean we should talk about arranging a meeting with my family." His expression turns rueful. "We didn't really focus on that last night. Not that I'm complaining, but we should talk about it."

"Good idea," I agree, resisting the urge to roll my eyes at my own stupidity. "But first I need coffee."

He doesn't say anything further while he makes coffee. When he passes me en route to the fridge, I catch his sidelong glance at me. His eyes drop down my body before lifting and meeting my own. The pajamas I'm wearing are not at all revealing, but I'm left feeling exposed nonetheless.

He takes our mugs to the dining table and sets them down next to each other, before inviting me to sit down first. His thigh brushes mine as he settles in the chair beside me.

"So maybe I should start by bringing you up to speed on how things are at Chez Cullen these days," he says in a way that alerts me to the fact that even though he might have intended his words to be light, his voice is completely devoid of humour.

"I'd prefer to start with how you think they'll react to Jacob," I insist.

"I wouldn't even begin to contemplate including them in Jacob's life if I didn't think they would accept him," he says sincerely. "They are very much looking forward to meeting him."

"Why?" I ask. "They didn't want anything to do with me. They did everything they could to separate us... why should I believe that they will be any more welcoming to my son than they will be to me?"

"We made mistakes, Bella. Me more than anyone... but it's in the past and nobody blames you for any of it."

"Alice seemed to be pretty vehement in her condemnation of me," I spit out. "I kept your son from you for all this time. It's another thing to add to my list of misdemeanours."

"Bella, you've done an amazing job raising Jacob. It shames me that you've had to do it alone, but... and I don't mean to sound condescending... I'm in awe of you. The bond between you and Jacob is something I've never experienced, but it doesn't mean I can't see it. It really is amazing to see you two together, and even though I have no right to feel it, I'm so proud of him every time he steps in to make sure you're okay."

His voice is filled with emotion. "He's so open and loving and that can only be because of you." His hand curls around mine. I watch as our fingers intertwine. "I've told them all about him, about how wonderful he is." His eyes scan mine. "Jacob would be a ray of light to all of us."

"Even Carlisle?"

His expression sours. "He's still a prick," he states flatly. "But a harmless one, these days. He won't ruin this."

"How can you be so sure?" I ask, my stomach starting to churn at the mere thought of Jacob spending time with that man. "I've already seen him twice since I came here, and on both occasions he was... well, he was a prick. How can you assure me that he won't treat me like shit again?"

"Because I won't let him," he declares. "I meant what I said last night. I'm fighting now. I won't make the same mistakes twice."

I look at our hands and watch his thumb tenderly brush the base of mine. "What about your private life," I ask quietly. "I mean, is there someone special that Jacob needs to know about?"

"Didn't you ask me this already?" he asks.

I bristle. "You always evade the answer."

"Do I?"

I try to slip my hand out of his, but he won't let go. "Yes, and you're still doing it now."

"There's no woman in my life," he murmurs. "I haven't had a long term relationship in years. I've only dated occasionally, and I've pretty much been married to my job for the last decade. I don't have a secret girlfriend hidden away, or a fuck buddy, or any other type of relationship you can name. So ... _Jacob_... has nothing to worry about."

I hate how his words relieve me of fears I couldn't fully acknowledge to myself until this moment.

"I wouldn't have kissed you if there was someone else," he insists. "I know given my track record, you'll find that hard to believe – but it's true. I don't cheat." He raises his hand, smoothing it down my hair until he's cupping my cheek. "I should have left Irina as soon as I knew I loved you..." He sighs harshly and rifles his fingers through his hair. "The list of regrets I have is so long, but you are not one of them. I never loved Irina... sure, at the start I might have _thought_ I did, but my feelings for her were nothing compared to my feelings for you. I was a fool to let all my insecurities motivate me, rather than the truth of my feelings for you."

"I don't understand how you can say this. You left town with Irina. You _chose_ her. I thought she was giving you things I couldn't give you."

He lets go of my hand and snakes his fingers up my neck and into my hair. Gently pulling me forward, his forehead touches mine. "She _never _could. In the shit storm of what was going on I lost my focus on what was paramount: You! But the more I thought about it, the more I started to doubt you. You have to believe me when I tell you I'm sorry I didn't believe in you... I'm sorry I believed your lie. I fucking _knew_ you! Deep down I _knew _what we had was real, but I let go of it, and it started to make more sense that you were too young for it to mean the same to you as it did to me."

"So you're saying it's my own fault that you left me?" I challenge, pulling back.

"No. I'm saying that I fucked up. I'd already started to doubt you and the lie just ... well, if I'm being honest, it gave me an out."

He looks thoroughly sickened by his own admission. "I thought you wanted Irina. That hurt... so fucking much. I said some horrible stuff to Alice, and I felt bad about squealing to the medical board." I drag in a deep, shaky breath, willing myself to calm down. "I'd like to say I was clearing the path for you to make it up with Irina, but I did it so you wouldn't want to come back. I already knew I was pregnant and I didn't want to be second best. I didn't want my baby to be second best."

"Oh, Bella," he laments.

"When I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't believe it. It was my fault though, I told you I was on the pill–"

"You lied?" he cuts in, surprised.

"No. I didn't lie. I just wasn't very religious about taking it... you know, my skin was clearing up by then – so I kept forgetting." My voice trails off. Suddenly, I feel like I'm having a conversation I should have had ten years ago. "I wasn't deceiving you; I genuinely didn't think I could get pregnant. I mean I only missed a couple of pills here and there."

At first his eyes are intense. "I know _you_ weren't deceiving me," he says with just a trace of bitterness. He exhales sharply. "I was the irresponsible one, but even if you weren't pregnant, I should have kept my promises to you. I know it doesn't help, but I can't stop telling you I'm sorry."

My heart is aching and my stomach feels like it is filled with stones. Tears burn my eyes and when my lip begins to tremble his fingers trail tentatively across my cheek before his thumb brushes my lip, steadying it. "We could talk about this all day, but I can see how much it's hurting you," he murmurs. "It's hurting me too."

I nod as a hot tear spills down my cheek. "I can't take any more of this right now," I whisper. "I just want to forget for a while."

He presses a soft kiss to my lips. "We've only scratched the surface, baby, but we'll get there. We'll work this out."

His heartfelt words, coupled with the feel of his arms wrapping around me, are hard to resist. I shouldn't want his comfort, but the past and the future seem to have been stripped away and suddenly, in this very moment, it is what I need more than anything else in this world.

My face is pressed tightly into the crook of his neck as our arms wind tightly around our bodies. Our fingers cling, our chests heave, until gradually the comfort seeps in and he pulls back, looking into my face.

"You okay now?" he asks gently.

I nod. "Getting there, but it's all so hard."

His lips curve into an empathetic smile. "It can only get easier."

I sit back, brushing my tears away with my fingers. For some reason I feel like some of the weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

"Come to dinner," he suggests, his mood lifting suddenly.

"What?"

"With Emmett and Rosalie," he elaborates. "I'm meeting them today." His eyes light up. "I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier. Jacob will love Emmett, and you know Emmett's always loved you."

The truth of his words is enticing, but the practicalities of it bother me. "Jacob has school tomorrow... it's a long drive."

"I could call them and ask them if they can meet us for a late lunch," he suggests. "Think about it, Emmett is the best person for Jacob to meet first." He laughs. "They're gonna love each other!"

His enthusiasm is hard to resist. He's right; Emmett is the only Cullen I feel I can count on. However, I worry about his wife. "What about Rosalie?" I ask, voicing my concern.

His smile grows wider. "She's a hard ass," he says with an affectionate chuckle. "Takes no shit from anyone, but she's fair with it ... and being married to the perennial big kid, I'm pretty sure she'll love Jacob."

I feel like I should have whiplash.

"I don't want our weekend to end like this," he implores, as if he has picked up on my confusion at the sudden shift in our conversation. "We can take Jacob to lunch to meet Emmett and Rosalie, then when he meets everyone else, it might not be so overwhelming for him."

Memories of Emmett warm my heart. "Okay," I agree.

Clasping my face in his hands he kisses me fervently. I cover his hands with mine and accept it... feeling like it's a day for acceptance.

He pulls back and gazes into my eyes. I feel a change in me when I think about how much he's done for Jacob over the last few weeks.

"I never did thank you for going to the school when Jacob got in trouble," I say, biting my lip. "He and Renee filled me in on what happened, but it was good of you to be there for him."

He smiles. "I was only too happy to do it. While it wasn't a nice feeling hearing what had happened to him, I was thrilled that he asked me to help."

"I've gotten so used to dealing with everything alone," I tell him, before smiling. "You'll have to bear with me while I get used to sharing."

He brushes the pad of his thumb across my cheekbone. "You don't ever have to deal with anything alone anymore. I meant what I said last night, I'm in this – and I'll do anything you need me to."

"Well, all I need today is to have a good day. I'm tired of thrashing out the past and worrying about the future. I just want to have a nice time with Jacob... and you."

He pulls me to him, and this time I meet him half way. His lips are soft and warm, and when he slides his tongue into my mouth, I can't suppress my moan of pleasure. Chair legs scrape on the floor as we lurch forward, his knee presses between my legs when we try to get closer still.

Nothing I've experienced in the years we've been apart, has felt like this. I've never found this all-encompassing pleasure in anyone else's arms. God knows I tried to find it, but I never could. Only he can do this to me.

The intensity of my feelings makes me pull back.

He plants soft kisses across my cheek before pressing his lips to my ear. "I know we have to take this slowly, but it won't be easy."

I slide my fingers into his hair, pulling him back gently until he's looking into my eyes. "I can't risk hurting Jacob," I explain. "It's too soon. Sure, the attraction is still there, but I... it's not just me anymore, Edward. It's not just _my_ feelings that are on the line. Jacob can't see us like this, until..." I struggle to find the right words, because I don't know if I'll ever be sure of him.

Even though his expression is a little tenser, his voice is gentle. "I understand. All I'm asking is that you don't judge me solely on my _past _actions. Open your eyes and see me for who I am _now_. It's the only way I can earn back your trust."

"I will." I whisper.

After showering and dressing, I'm more ready to face a day in bed, rather than a lunch date followed by a long drive. However, I think it's time I take a step out of the shade.

Jacob's voice drifts down the hallway as I head towards the kitchen. He is sitting at the table devouring a bowl of cereal, talking animatedly – with his mouth full – while Edward hangs on his every word.

Edward straightens when he spots me. I notice that he has showered and changed too. Jacob turns and smiles at me.

"Hi," he greets, before turning away and scooping another spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

I glance at Edward and receive a small smile.

"What are we doing today?" Jacob asks, twisting again in his chair to face me. "Can we do something fun before we have to go home?"

I walk to the table and pull out the chair next to him. "We thought we might take you out to lunch," I begin.

"Great!" Jacob says, excitedly. "Can we go to Chuck-e-Cheese ?"

I grimace at Edward, before returning my gaze to Jacob. "Not today, we're meeting someone for lunch... do you remember when we talked about Ed– your dad's brother, Emmett?"

"The one who's afraid of tomatoes?"

I smile. "Yes, but please don't mention _that_ to him. So, we were thinking that it might be nice if we had lunch with him and his wife today. What do you think?"

He glances at Edward first, before his head snaps back in my direction. "Really? That would be great!" he enthuses. "What's Emmett like? Does he look like you?" he asks, turning his eager eyes to Edward.

"Not really," Edward replies. "He has very dark hair and he's bigger than I am."

"Really? He must be very tall."

Edward smiles. "No, he's a couple of inches shorter than me," he says, then spreads his arms wide. "But he's built like a bear."

This makes Jacob laugh, before he bombards Edward with questions about Emmett and Rosalie.

After breakfast we take Jacob for a walk along the waterfront. Jacob admires the boats, and Edward suggests that on our next visit he'll hire a boat to take us to Blake Island. This pleases Jacob and encourages him to ask to try every attraction we see. It seems like every question starts with 'Next time...'

We walk quite far, and when we reach Pier 55, Edward suggests stopping to have coffee. However, Jacob spots the arcade and tugs on my sleeve, begging me to let him go inside to play some games.

I agree to let him play for a little while, hurrying after him when he takes off and runs inside. There's a moment of panic when he disappears into the maze of game machines, but then he comes running back towards me, shouting that he's found _Time Crisis_.

"It's the two player one!" he yells excitedly. "Play with me?"

Last year we went on vacation with Renee and Phil to Orlando. They had a two player _Time Crisis_ machine in the hotel, and Jacob and I played it every day. It was a guilty pleasure, which I probably enjoyed more than Jacob did. I follow him to the machine with an amused Edward trailing in our wake.

I open my purse, looking for my wallet, but then Edward's hand appears in front of my face, holding out some change. I look up and thank him.

Jacob and I haven't lost our touch. Soon, we're laughing and trash talking to each other while our feet slam on the pedals, and we shoot everything that moves. Edward leans on the side of the machine, watching us avidly. A couple of times, I catch a glimpse of the mildly surprised expression on his face. With eyes glowing, his lips spread into a wide, admiring grin when Jacob and I high five each other on completing another level.

"Aw crap!" Jacob huffs finally, slamming his gun down when his player is killed.

"Language!" I scold lightly, and he has the decency to blush. His eyes dart to Edward.

"Sorry," he mutters, embarrassed, but when the game is over he brightens again and asks Edward if he wants to play.

Spotting the change booth at the end of the aisle, Edward hands Jacob a couple of bills and tells him to get some change. I watch Jacob happily skip off to the booth.

"I'm surprised you let him play that game," Edward remarks. His tone is still light, and I don't feel like he's making any kind of judgement.

"Yeah, I was hesitant the first time he wanted to play it, but really it's no different from the ones I used to play as a kid. Besides, he enjoys it, and it's not like it's one of the really gory ones."

"He's not the only one who enjoys it," he points out with a grin.

I shrug.

"It's nice to see you smiling," he says gently, just before Jacob returns.

Edward takes his turn to play, but he's no match for Jacob and laughs when the little devil gloats about it. After his thirst for _Time Crisis_ has been quenched, Jacob races around the arcade, stopping only to have a go on the games that catch his eye. Edward and I follow close behind, sharing in his enjoyment. Edward's hand brushes mine a few times; it makes me think about how we've never been able to be entirely open in any capacity.

With him, I've never known the simple pleasure of holding hands or walking arm in arm in public. Restraint was ever present. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

We buy coffee to go, and drink it on the walk back to Edward's apartment. Since Jacob is walking along so far in front, Edward and I have the opportunity to talk a little bit.

"I'm glad Jacob seems keen to meet Emmett and Rosalie," Edward says. "He's so interested in them."

I laugh. "He does that a lot. When he's going to meet someone new, he grills me about them. He always wants to know what they look like beforehand. I'm not sure why, it's just something he always asks."

"Did he grill you about me?"

"He did, but not as much as usual. You were a big deal to him; I think he was so nervous that he didn't know where to begin."

"Yet, he accepted me so easily."

I smile at him sadly. "Even though I didn't think you would at the start... you made it so easy for him – and I'm glad you did. I don't think he would have gotten through all this without you. I didn't really think things through properly before I came here. I just had to get here for Charlie's sake. Sometimes, when I let myself think about it, it scares me to think how badly this could have all turned out–" I start a little when his hand brushes my fingers and he hooks his little finger around mine. I glance at him before continuing. "But thanks to you... and also Sue, Mike and Leah, we're gonna be okay."

"You seem a lot more positive today," he points out.

"These last few weeks have been hard. I'm tired of it now. I want Jacob to enjoy his time here, and I need to help him to put down some roots. All I want to do is concentrate on that for the next couple of months. I'm tired of dwelling on the past and worrying about the future. I need to concentrate on _now_."

He nods thoughtfully. I disentangle my finger from his and tuck my hair behind my ear self-consciously. We don't talk for the rest of the walk home, choosing to enjoy watching Jacob as he scampers along in front of us.

My fears about the kind of restaurant Edward would take us to prove to be unfounded when we arrive at a large, noisy pizzeria that is teeming with families. Even though it seems to be informal, we still have to stand in the entryway, waiting to be seated. A waitress shows us to our table which is covered with a red and green plastic cover. I spot the play area in the back, and Edward frowns when a young girl crashes into him as she runs towards it.

"I don't expect you're used to dining in places like this," I say as we sit down. "How did you know about it?"

He grimaces. "I called my secretary and asked her to recommend somewhere suitable for kids." His eyes wander around the room, widening as his jaw tightens. 'Considering she doesn't have kids, maybe it wasn't such a good idea.'

At first I laugh at this, wondering why he would call his secretary, but then I sober when I realise he probably isn't close to anyone who has children.

Jacob is oblivious to Edward's discomfort as he accepts a small bag from the waitress containing a puzzle book and some crayons. We order some sodas while we wait for Rosalie and Emmett to arrive.

"Maybe I should have stipulated it had to be somewhere quiet," Edward says, wincing when a baby at the next table starts to bawl.

I laugh at him. "There's no such thing as a quiet restaurant that's family friendly."

His smile falters as his eyes scan the room. He looks down at the plastic sauce bottle shaped like a tomato, and I catch a glimpse of disdain on his face.

"I guess this is all a little downmarket for you," I say, quirking an eyebrow.

He looks up and grimaces. "I'm sorry. I'm being a snob."

"You never used to be," I venture.

"No."

It's one word, yet it conveys so much. It tells me how thoroughly he has detached himself from the man he used to be.

Jacob glances up from the puzzle he's completing. "Don't you like it here?" he asks, glancing towards the counter where a group of children are watching one of the cooks flip pizza dough. "Look, they even let you watch them cooking." He points his crayon to the left. "It has a play area, and... they give you free stuff." He finishes with a gesture towards the puzzle book and crayons.

Edward smiles at him. "Well, when you put it like that – I love it."

Jacob nods, grinning smugly as if the planets have just realigned. He beams at me and then resumes his puzzle.

"They're here," Edward says, suddenly standing.

I'm reminded of a horror movie I once watched, and the trepidation I feel now is not dissimilar to the feelings evoked by that movie. Jacob drops his crayon and swivels in his seat. I force myself to turn around.

Emmett is striding towards us his eyes fixed on me. He stalks straight past Edward and stops in front of me. His face splits into a huge grin. "Well well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes," he says, pulling me to my feet. "I missed my little squaw."

Tears spring to my eyes. I wasn't expecting such a heartfelt greeting, and I realise that I've missed him too. I accept his tight embrace, and when he pulls back he tilts my chin up and kisses my cheek. "How are you? I'm so sorry about your dad."

The familiar ache stings my heart, and it takes great effort not to succumb to it. "I'll get through it," I whisper.

We step apart, and he smiles at me with a sad nod.

He looks down at Jacob before stepping to the side, and gesturing towards the tall, statuesque blonde beside him.

"Who goes first?" He grins, with only a faint trace of concern left in his eyes. This is what I always loved about Emmett. He always seems to know what's going on, but never dwells on it. He never gets involved in the downside of anything. He is like the living embodiment of the sun. He brightens every situation, warming it up with no effort at all.

"Oh!" I exclaim, snapping out of my Emmett-induced stupor and remembering my manners. "Jacob, this is Emmett... Edward's brother... your uncle Emmett." My words falter and I feel like a babbling wreck.

"_Uncle_ Emmett?" Emmett guffaws. "You make me sound like I'm ninety-years-old."

Jacob holds his hand out. "Pleased to meet you, Uncle Emmett."

"Well aren't you just the cutest little man ever!" Emmett laughs, pulling Jacob closer and rubbing his knuckles across his head. "Just plain old Emmett will do; you don't have to call me uncle." He spots Jacob's slight frown. "Unless you want to?"

Jacob shrugs self-consciously. "I guess Emmett is fine." His eyes slide to Emmett's wife.

"This is Rosalie," Emmett says, snaking his hand around her tiny waist and pulling her forward. "My wife."

Jacob smiles hesitantly at her, telling her he's pleased to meet her in an unusually stilted tone. I suspect he is as dumbstruck as I am by her beauty. She is tall and slender, with hair that looks like spun gold gleaming in the light filtering through the windows. Her complexion is pale and flawless, her lips luscious and red, even though it appears she isn't wearing any lipstick.

Her bright blue eyes glitter as she gazes at Jacob. "You are the spitting image of your father," she says in a way that makes me think it pleases her, though I can't think why.

"Am I?" Jacob asks.

She emits a delightful laugh. "Oh yes, you're a very handsome boy."

Emmett nudges her playfully. "Hey, _I'm_ the good looking Cullen!"

Jacob blushes a little, but it's plain to see that he's flattered by the attention.

Rosalie turns to me and smiles warmly. "It's very nice to meet you... finally."

I shake her hand before we all sit down.

Edward sits beside me, leaving the two seats opposite free for Emmett and Rosalie. Jacob sits back down again in his seat at the end of the table, eyeing us all in turn. He slides the menus towards Emmett and Rosalie, smiling when they thank him.

A waitress stops at the table next to ours and doles out plates under Rosalie's watchful gaze. Rosalie turns her attention to Edward, grinning wickedly. "It's so nice to come to a restaurant that serves _real _food."

"Real?" Edward enquires, amused.

"Okay, I'll rephrase that. It's nice to come to a restaurant where they serve portion sizes fit for humans and not insects." She turns her beautiful blue eyes to me. "Honestly, the places he normally frequents serve pretty little portions that you're not sure whether to eat them or take a picture of them."

Jacob laughs. "You sure don't look like you eat a lot."

"Jacob!" I scold.

Emmett and Rosalie descend into peals of laughter.

"Sorry," Jacob offers. "I just think you look really nice." The blush that stains his cheeks is adorable.

"A man of taste," Emmett says, impressed. Jacob beams when Emmett winks at him.

A waitress approaches us and asks us if we are ready to order. We give our orders and then silence descends. Jacob is the one to fill it.

"Why did you call my mom squaw?" he asks Emmett.

Emmett grins. "Because her dad's the Chief." As soon as he says it he looks hesitant at the mention of Charlie, but I smile to indicate that I'm okay.

"Oh," Jacob says, and I can almost see the wheels turning in his little brain. I know what's coming. "But a squaw is the Chief's wife."

Edward and I glance at each other, stifling our laughter. How ironic that Jacob would call Emmett on his faux pas, when we never did.

"I know that!" Emmett proclaims, jerking his thumb towards Edward and I. "Even though these guys think I don't." He leans towards Jacob, lowering his voice conspiratorially. "The first time I said it, I saw that little glance between them, and so I knew I'd messed up. But I figure your mom likes it since she never told me to stop."

Jacob launches into a thousand questions, which Emmett and Rosalie appear only too happy to indulge. I jump a little when Edward slides his hand into mine beneath the table and squeezes it. I turn to see him gazing proudly at Jacob. My heart swells with the comprehension of how much this means to him. I lace my fingers through his and squeeze his hand gently, enjoying our mutual pride in Jacob.

The waitress brings our food, and we all start to eat. It isn't long before I notice that Jacob is frowning at his pizza rather than eating it.

"Is there something wrong with your pizza?" I ask, dabbing my lips with my napkin.

He glances furtively at Emmett. "Um..." he stalls, looking like he doesn't want to answer. I feel bad for him when I see that we are all staring at him waiting for an answer. "This has tomato sauce on it," he says apologetically, looking at Emmett.

Emmett's eyes snap to Edward.

"We were cooking one day, and it sort of came up," Edward explains, a small smile playing on his lips.

"I'm sorry," Jacob insists.

Emmett whirls to face him. "Don't apologise. It's cool. I can handle it." He leans over, holding his fist out and Jacob looks at it curiously. Emmett lifts Jacob's hand, curls his fingers into a fist and bumps it against his. "It's really just the seeds inside a tomato that I don't like. But it's awesome that you're so considerate. You've inherited your mom's compassionate side."

Jacob looks a little puzzled, but when he's sure Emmett is okay with it, he sets about cutting into his pizza. He quickly starts to struggle and noticing this, Edward drops his own cutlery and helps him. Jacob smiles appreciatively at him before taking his first bite.

The rest of the meal passes with us engaging in safe but pleasant conversation until Jacob can't resist the play area any longer. As soon as he scampers off towards it, Emmett pulls a folder out of the messenger bag Rosalie brought and hands it to Edward.

"These are the final sign-off documents. Jasper already signed them," he says, gripping the folder when Edward tries to take it. "You sure you want to do this?" Emmett continues.

Edward looks uncomfortable. "Yes," He insists, pulling the folder from Emmett's grasp.

Rosalie glances at me. "Why don't we leave these two to it?" she suggests, rising gracefully from her chair. "Let's go watch Jacob play."

Edward stands to let me pass, and his hand presses against the small of my back when I do.

There are chairs next to the play area, and Rosalie and I sit down.

"I'm sorry about your father," Rosalie says sincerely.

"Thank you," I say quietly.

She turns and regards me openly. "You know, I've heard so much about you from Emmett. He told me all about what happened." She pauses, eyeing me for a reaction. "Stop me if I'm out of line."

I shake my head. "Go on."

She smiles warmly. "I have to say, I think you have amazing strength. Coming back here and supporting your father, while at the same time, dealing with Edward..." she leans back in her chair, crossing her legs. "Well, Emmett was right when he said you were a feisty little thing."

I can't help but laugh. "Lately, with all that's been going on... I lost sight of the fact that I'm not that naive eighteen year old anymore. But, now – I'm ready to move on. Jacob wants to be a part of Edward's life, and vice versa, so I have to put my own issues aside and help them achieve that."

She looks over at Jacob, who is eagerly climbing a rope ladder. "He's a great kid," she muses.

"I'm very proud of him," I say.

Her smile is wide. "You should be. I hope Emmett and I can do such a great job... one day."

I raise my eyebrows. "You're trying for a baby?"

She shakes her head. "Not at the moment. I'm three years into a five year plan," she reveals with a grin. "I've seen every country I wanted to see; I married my prince, and now I'm on the last rung of the corporate ladder, so in two years time, we'll be trying for a baby."

There's a heartbeat of silence before I burst out laughing.

"What?" she asks in a tone of voice that tells me she's more puzzled than offended by my reaction.

"I've never met anyone who has such regimented plans."

"I like being in control." She smirks.

"My control has always been in retrospect," I admit. "After the plans fall through... making the best out of a bad situation, I guess."

We watch Jacob for a while, and he waves at us excitedly every time he catches our eyes.

We spend fifteen minutes getting to know each other. Rosalie takes a no-nonsense approach to this. She is blunt in her questions, but not to the point of rudeness, and offers the same level of candour as she tells me about her and Emmett's life together. Predictably the subject of the Cullens arises.

"Your reappearance has caused quite a stir within the family," she says, shooting me a sidelong glance.

"I can imagine," I snort.

"Emmett always said you'd show up one day," she admits. "With your father still being in Forks, he knew you'd be back. But I don't think he ever expected you to bring a little time bomb back with you."

For the first time in too long, I don't feel such an intense pang of guilt at the mention of my situation. After making progress with Edward last night, and – I suppose – having the time now to fully concentrate on only this, I'm beginning to feel that we can make it through this.

"We've all made mistakes. All I want to do now is concentrate on the future and make sure that Jacob gets the opportunity to build a relationship with his dad."

Rosalie looks over her shoulder at Edward. "I think this is the best thing to happen to him," she reveals. "I see such a change in him already."

"Oh?" I ask, my interest piqued.

"In the time I've known him, he's always been very cold... actually cold is possibly too strong a word for it; Lukewarm might describe it better. He never talks about personal things; he's usually all work and no play, and..." She glances at me. "I've never known him to date the same woman twice. Yet here he is, in a place like this, cutting up food for his son – whom he never shuts up about, by the way, and I don't think I've ever seen him smile so much."

"Jacob means a lot to him," I say, with a smile.

"I don't think it's entirely down to Jacob," she says pointedly.

His words from last night replay in my head. "No, I guess not," I admit.

"He's really keen for you both to attend the charity ball with him. Are you coming?"

I can't keep the frown from my face. "I'm not sure. I mean, I don't really know what to expect." I glance over at Jacob. "Jacob is desperate to go, but I'm not sure about the curiosity his presence will generate."

"Oh there's no doubt there will be a lot of interested people. However, like I said, Edward is intensely private, and I doubt many people will openly speculate on it."

"I do think that if Jacob is going to be a part of Edward's world, he needs to get used to things like that."

"And what about you? Will you be part of his world?"

"You know, you don't pull any punches, do you?" I say, unable to hide my amusement.

"I don't see the point of skirting the issue. If I want to know something – I ask," she reveals. "Besides, I'm also very observant, and I saw your little hand holding episode beneath the table."

My heart lurches a little in my chest. "That wasn't what it looked like," I protest.

She smiles knowingly. "Okay, whatever. But you should still come to the ball."

I snort. "You make me sound like Cinderella."

She laughs at this. "If the shoe fits."

"I don't know... I'm not really used to things like that. It seems like it's a pretty big deal," I admit with a frown.

She sobers. "Yes, it is a big deal. It's the largest event of its kind in Seattle. At first, when Esme suggested hosting a charity ball, Emmett and Edward saw it as an opportunity to raise the company's profile. Now, everyone who is anyone wants to attend, and it raises a shit load of money for the hospitals."

"Yeah, you're not really selling it to me," I say ruefully. "It doesn't sound like my kind of thing at all."

"Jacob will love it. They put on all sorts of shows for the kids, then later there's music and dancing. You should bring him. Won't it be nice to have a good night out with him?"

"Well, let's wait and see what happens at the big reunion first."

Jacob comes careening towards us, apparently finished playing. We return to the table, breaking up Edward and Emmett's conversation. The documents they were pouring over before have disappeared, so it seems they have finished talking business.

A waitress appears with the bill and Edward quickly picks it up. Rosalie smirks when his eyes widen upon looking at it.

"What's up Edward?" Rosalie asks with a mischievous glint in her eye. "Never seen a bill that low before?" She turns to me, laughing. "I'll bet the bill for our entire meal here is less than it normally costs for a bottle of wine in the places we usually go to. _Way_ less."

Edward's eyes flick up from the bill, but before he can say anything, Emmett takes it out of his hands. "I think it's my turn to pay," he says with a grin.

After the bill is settled, we head outside to say our goodbyes. Rosalie and I exchange numbers, and she asks me to consider meeting with her to go dress shopping if I decide to go to the ball. Both Rosalie and Emmett tell Jacob how much they've enjoyed meeting him and that they can't wait to see him again. Jacob glows all the way back to the car.

"I like Emmett; he's a lot of fun," Jacob decides, strolling along beside us. "He has a funny laugh."

Edward and I both laugh at that. Emmett has an extremely loud and grating laugh that always draws attention. If Edward was annoyed by the sound of screaming babies in the restaurant, I imagine that Emmett's laugh had the same effect on the people around us.

Back at Edward's apartment, I send Jacob to pack up his stuff and make the bed he slept in last night. I find Edward sitting in the living room, hunched over with his elbows resting on his knees. He looks up when I stand in front of him.

"It's been a good weekend," he says, smiling sadly.

I sit down beside him. "Thanks," I say.

"Thank _you_," he insists.

Suddenly, it feels a little awkward. For most of the weekend I've been with the Edward I know, but there were glimpses of the man I don't know; like when we met Riley and his reaction to the restaurant. As much as I'm trying to go with this, I can't help but feel that he is not himself around Jacob and I. It's as though he takes a step back from real life around us and then when we're gone he steps straight back into it.

He hasn't thrown his wealthy lifestyle in our faces, but the difference between the way he lives and the way Jacob and I do is very much apparent.

"What are you thinking?" he asks, pulling me out of my musings.

I sit down beside him. "About how different our lives are," I answer truthfully.

He pushes his fingers through his hair and sighs. "You got that right."

His reaction to my answer surprises me. He sounds wistful, almost jealous. He turns to me with a look of sheer longing that scares me a little. I swallow thickly and look away. I move to stand up, but his hand shoots out and clasps my arm lightly.

"I have to go," I whisper.

He leans forward and presses his lips to mine. It's a soft kiss, almost chaste, a truce. "Come back next weekend," he says in a voice that is suddenly demanding. "Pick Jacob up from school on Friday and just come straight here." I pull back to see his eyes are bright with anticipation. "Or I'll come to you... it doesn't matter where... only that we'll be together."

Taking the plunge, I agree. "Okay, we'll come to you on Friday."

He nods. "And on Sunday, I'll come to Forks with you." He takes my hands in his as if he thinks I might run away. "If we want Emmett and Rosalie to be there when Jacob meets the rest of the family, we have to do it next weekend. Emmett doesn't have a free weekend for a while after that."

"Why the rush?" I say, trying to stifle my distaste at the idea.

"Because I want you to know that everything's going to be alright."

"I hope you're right."

He leans forward and kisses me again. "I'll arrange it for Sunday."

Driving back to Forks, listening to Jacob chatter happily about his weekend, I feel like we've been in Seattle for far longer than two days. There has been a monumental shift inside me, and I'm starting to believe that I can face whatever the Cullens can throw at me.

* * *

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	23. Chapter 23

"Bella!" Sue exclaims, opening her front door. "What a lovely surprise. I wasn't expecting you." Jacob steps out from behind me and her face breaks into a broad grin. "Hello Jacob."

She steps backwards, gesturing for us to follow her inside. She leads us through her house on the reservation at La Push, where she's lived since she married Harry. It's a small wooden house and the interior is homely despite its sparse decor. The Quileute live simply, not being prone to material excesses.

Sue switches off the small TV in the corner and turns to face me.

"Is Leah home?" Jacob asks, before either of us gets a chance to speak.

Sue shakes her head. "She's out having dinner with Sam."

Jacob frowns.

"Seth is out in the garage though," Sue informs him. "He's fixing up an old motorcycle that someone gave him. Maybe you'd like to go see if he could use some help?"

Jacob looks at me pleadingly. "Can I?"

I nod. "But make sure you ask if it's okay. If he wants to do it alone, you come right back inside–" He charges for the door before I'm finished. "And don't touch anything unless he tells you to." He's already gone. I turn to Sue. "I hope he doesn't get in the way."

Sue chuckles. "Seth's been out there all afternoon by himself. I'm sure he'll be glad of the company."

She heads into the small kitchen that is little more than a small alcove off the living room, and tells me to take a seat while she makes coffee. I sit down and lay the bag I brought with me on the coffee table.

I scan the room while she's busy, enjoying looking at her family photos from when Leah and Seth were younger. I met Harry a few times when he'd come to pick Charlie up for fishing trips, but I was always so sullen that he barely drew a grunt out of me. I never took the time to get to know the people that were important to Charlie.

"How was Seattle?"

I snap out of my reverie, and turn to see Sue carrying a tray of coffee and cookies to the table.

"It was a good weekend," I say, cagily.

She eyes me knowingly. "You look better than you have since you came here," she observes. "You finally have some colour in your cheeks."

I feel them warm under her scrutiny. I'm 28 years old, yet still cursed with the propensity to blush when people can see right through me. "Edward and I talked," I say, as if that will explain everything.

She nods. "I'm glad."

I don't know exactly what it is, but Sue has it: that quality that makes you want to open up to a person even when they are not pushing you to.

"Charlie said I should go for what I want... even if it scares me. He doesn't want me to end up with nothing to show for my life but a pile of regrets."

"Is Edward what you want?" she asks tentatively, as if she fears she might be prying.

I sigh heavily. "Jacob and I had such a good day with him yesterday. He's trying so hard with Jacob and they get along so well–"

"What do _you_ want?" she cuts in.

I look up from the coffee cup I hadn't realised I was staring into. "You know I didn't come here to dump all this on you," I say, suddenly feeling uncomfortable for bringing it up. I don't really think it's appropriate to be discussing my future with a woman who has lost hers... twice.

She doesn't press me further as I lift the bag and hand it to her.

"When I was going through Charlie's things I found these... I thought you might like them."

She takes the bag and opens it. She peers inside before reaching in and pulling out a small stack of photographs. I sip my coffee as she leafs through them, and I see sad smiles twitch on her face and the beginnings of tears sparkling in her eyes.

She turns one over and holds it out to me. Sue is sitting between Charlie and Harry on the bench that Charlie and I sat on the day we went fishing. The first thing I notice is how dark Charlie's hair is. He looks so young and full of life as he grins at the camera and wearing a hat that I assume is Sue's. Harry is looking off to the side, and Sue looks like she's talking to the person taking the picture.

"That was the first time we took the kids fishing. Seth was just a toddler and Leah couldn't have been more than six or seven years old – she took the picture. We had an unexpected spell of good weather that year." She smiles ruefully. "You already know we don't get a lot of sun around here, but that year we got a couple of weeks of warm, sunny days right at the end of summer. Charlie and Harry were going fishing as usual, and I just decided on a whim it would be nice for me and the kids to go too."

"I wish I could've spent days like that with him," I say wistfully.

"He missed you a lot." Her voice is quiet and shaky with emotion.

I catch her trying to surreptitiously wipe a tear away. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

She shakes her head vigorously. "No! It's good... it's nice to remember." Her lips tremble downwards. "Even though it's still painful."

We go through the rest of the photos, and I find that Sue is right. Even though it hurts, it's good to hear her stories about Charlie and Harry. She confides that she and Charlie were growing close, and if it hadn't been for his illness they might have become more than friends. I admire this wonderful woman who has remained so kind and loving despite the loss she suffered.

I thank her for everything she's done for Jacob and me, and our conversation finally turns to my own plans for the future.

"What will you do with the house?" she asks.

"I'm not ready to put it on the market yet," I admit. "But I will. There's no reason for us to stay in Forks without Charlie."I glance at her to gauge her expression and fear I might have offended her. Her expression doesn't change. "You and your family have been so good to us, and it's been great catching up with Mike... but we don't really belong here."

Her expression is rueful. "You don't have to sound so apologetic, Bella. You have your own life, and I'm sure you'll keep in touch. But I won't lie; it'll be strange seeing someone else living in the Chief's house."

Her reference to Charlie as the Chief makes me smile. "We're here for a couple of months yet. I don't know when I'll be ready to put the house up for sale, but I guess I can't leave it too long."

She leans over and pats my hand on my knee. "You'll know when you're ready."

Not long after, Seth and Jacob come back inside. I can't help but laugh when I turn to find Jacob covered in oil smears and looking as pleased as can be.

"Did Seth use you to clean the bike with?" I tease.

"No," Jacob answers with an exasperated eye roll. "He needed me to tighten some nuts." He looks up at Seth. "And he let me rev the thrapple."

Seth laughs loudly. "It's a throttle, and I told you not to tell your mom."

"Mom told me I should always tell her the truth," Jacob informs him before he turns to me for back up.

"That's right," I say proudly. "And I'm sure Seth made sure you were safe." I continue, looking pointedly at Seth who mimics Jacob's eye roll.

While driving back home, Jacob sits quietly in the back seat with a small smile playing on his face.

"Did you have a good time tonight?" I ask, glancing at him in the rear view mirror.

He nods. "I was just wondering if Dad would let me get a bike."

"Absolutely not!" I sputter. "You are_ not_ getting a motorbike, Jacob Swan."

"I don't mean right now," he says petulantly. "I mean when I'm older."

"Even if you live to a hundred, I'll make sure I live to a hundred and eighteen, just to make sure you are_ never_ old enough to have one."

He giggles at this. "You're silly."

I can't help but chuckle along with him at my ridiculous statement.

"I'm going to miss the Clearwaters when we leave Forks," I venture, eyeing him cautiously. "But we'll keep in touch with them and maybe even visit them once in a while."

He frowns. "I wish we could all live in one place." His voice cracks on the last word.

Thankfully we've reached home, and I pull into the driveway before hurrying around to his side of the car. Tears are streaming down his face when he opens the car door. I fall to my knees and pull him into my arms.

"I miss Grandpa Charlie," he wails. "And I don't want to miss everyone else too."

He's leaning over me slightly since he's gotten so tall. Keeping a firm hold of him I get to my feet and lead him to the house. Once inside, we shuffle along the hallway in the darkness and I flick on the living room light before pulling him down beside me on the sofa.

I stifle my own sobs as he cries in my arms. He's had so much to take in lately that it was only a matter of time before he would need some release. I'd intended to start broaching the subject of selling the house and moving on, but I never intended to upset him. I should have known.

Eventually his sobs decrease, and he relaxes the firm grip he has on me. I wipe away the last of his tears with my thumbs.

"I miss Grandpa Charlie too," I whisper, pressing my lips to his forehead. "But we'll always remember him." He nods, trying hard to smile. "And even though we won't live near all the new people you've met, there are plenty of ways to keep in touch."

"How?" he asks, sceptically.

"There's Skype. Have you ever heard of that?" He shakes his head. "Well, it's really cool. You'd like it. You can make video calls to people on a pc or a laptop. You know, so that you can see them while you speak to them."

At first his eyes brighten, but then his features tighten into a frown. "But our computer hasn't worked for... forever."

"I know. I'm thinking that we deserve a treat. So why don't we go to Port Angeles after school on Wednesday and buy a new laptop. That way we can set it up and you'll be able try a Skype call with your dad."

"Does he know how to do Skype?"

"I'm sure we can all figure it out," I say with a chuckle. "How hard can it be?"

After he gets ready for bed, I sit and talk to him for a while, and he talks excitedly about the weekend we spent at Edward's house. He talks enthusiastically about Emmett and Rosalie before questioning me about the rest of the family.

"I'm a little scared of that Alice woman," he admits sheepishly. "She looked very angry when she saw us at the mall."

"She was very shocked," I explain. "She's had time to get over that now." I decide against going any further. I can't, in all conscience, promise him that it will be all hugs and kisses and smiles when we meet, because I know it won't be. All I can hope for is civility.

"Are you sure you want to meet them?" I ask.

He nods.

"Tell me why?" I ask gently, realising I haven't asked him outright why it's so important to him. I can't help but wonder if it's because he thinks it's what Edward wants him to do.

"Because they're my family too," he says simply. "I've never had aunts and uncles before." He shrugs. "And I thought it'd be nice." His eyes dart to my face guiltily.

"Don't feel guilty," I say. "I don't want to stop you from getting to know them, just don't expect them all to be as great as Emmett."

His eyebrows knit together in a tense frown. I've said too much, but I can't have him walking in there on Sunday expecting everyone to be so welcoming.

I peck his cheek. "I just mean that not everyone can be as great as Emmett. Some people take a little bit longer to get to know."

He yawns theatrically, making me laugh. "Okay, I take the hint." I hug him tightly and turn off his bedside lamp.

"Mom?" he says when I stand up. "Can we buy a laptop that plays BluRay movies?"

"Goodnight, Jacob."

The following morning, I spot Mike as soon as I pull up outside the school. He's standing by the gates handing Amy her lunchbox and waves when he sees me. Getting out of the car with Jacob I walk towards him smiling.

"Morning," I say brightly.

His eyebrows shoot up. "Wow, you look happy! Good weekend?"

Jacob says hi to Mike before hurrying into school. As I watch him rush through the gates, I spot Victoria looking in our direction. I throw her a saccharine-sweet smile before returning my attention to Mike.

"Do you have time for a coffee?" I ask him.

"I was just heading to work," he replies. "But fuck it! What's the point of being your own boss if you can't take an hour off... my place?"

"Are you sure?"

He waves his hand in the air dismissively. "I have a shit ton of paperwork to do, but who's gonna die if I forget to order a tent?"

Twenty minutes later we're sitting at his breakfast bar, and he's grilling me about my weekend in Seattle.

"So his mom showed up?" This seems to amuse him. "Do you think he staged it?"

I shake my head. "No. He got rid of her as soon as she arrived."

"So how did you two get along? I imagine things could get quite heated between you."

I choke on my coffee a little, and my cheeks instantly flush hot.

Mike pats my back while he laughs. "I didn't mean it like _that_. But now you've got me curious. Did you...?" He waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

"No," I croak, still coughing a little. "We got to talking about the past. It got quite heated and then we got upset... and then we... kissed... a little bit."

He leans backwards a little on his stool and regards me. "And it's scared the shit out of you and thrilled you in equal measure by the looks of things."

"Oh, for fuck's sake Mike, we're not in high school anymore," I object, good naturedly. "Edward and I got caught up in the moment."

"And are you likely to get caught up in the moment again?"

"Are you the big brother I never had, now?" I smirk.

"Stop deflecting, Bella," he chastises, as if I'm a child.

"Okay, I liked it and _yes _I'd like to do it again. But you're right; it does scare the hell out of me. On Sunday when I was with him I felt like I could really see it happening, you know? Like we could be a family and have..."

"Have what, Bella?"

"What I've always wanted."

"You've never stopped loving him have you?"His voice is tender.

I shake my head. "But I stopped trusting him a long time ago and maybe loving him isn't enough."

"I know it's hard for you, but either way you have to make a decision." He covers his hand with mine, waiting till I look up into his face. "You either piss or get off the pot!"

We bust out laughing together.

'I just love your silver tongue,' I deadpan.

"Listen, I can't really give you any advice. Look at the state of my love life." He sighs ruefully.

There is a strong undercurrent in his voice that sounds suspiciously like disappointment.

"What's happening with you?" I ask, my curiosity piqued.

He looks at me and several emotions sweep over his features, like he's plucking up the courage to say something to me. "Don't laugh," he says eventually. "But I met someone."

"Why would I laugh at that? I'm happy for you. Wh–"

"I met her on the internet," he blurts out, clearly mortified.

"What? Like an online dating site?"

He nods, not looking me in the eye. "I just got curious. And most of the women round here... Well, there's nobody I'm interested in, and I don't get out much so it's very difficult."

"Mike, you don't have to explain to me. I'm very much aware of the difficulties of being a single parent trying to navigate the shark infested waters of the dating pool."

He nods in agreement.

"So what's the problem?"

"I arranged to meet her this Friday night – we've been working up to it for weeks – but Jess has let me down. She was supposed to be taking the girls this weekend but _something came up._" He uses air quotes sarcastically on the last three words, indicating just how disappointed he is.

"What about your parents; can't they have the girls?" I ask.

"They have them on Friday after school while I'm at work. It's too much for them to keep them overnight as well. They're not up to it anymore."

"Can you reschedule for next weekend?"

He frowns. "No, Jess won't be able to take the girls till next month." He drains the last of his coffee and sets the mug down a little too hard on the counter.

"I'll do it," I say.

He blinks at me. "What?"

"I said I'll do it. Jacob and I can come over here on Friday night."

"Didn't you say you were going to Seattle on Friday?" he asks, and I can see the small spark of hope in his eyes.

"Yeah, but it wasn't really for any specific reason. I'll call Edward to explain and maybe he can come here on Saturday. It's no big deal."

His expression is filled with doubt. "Are you sure he'll see it that way?"

"Look Mike, you've been really good to me when I needed someone. The least I can do is mind the girls for you while you have a much needed night out. Edward has no idea what it's like to be a single parent – I do. Let me worry about him."

His lips spread into a huge grin. "If you're sure?"

"I am. Now where's your computer? I'm assuming you have pictures of your date and a profile I can check out?"

He stalks out of the room and returns a few minutes later with a laptop. He sets it down on the counter in front of us and starts tapping away on the keys.

"What do you know about Skype?" I ask him.

On Wednesday evening Jacob is giddy by the time we get back from Port Angeles with the new laptop. He bounces on the balls of his feet while I open the packaging, and I keep having to swat his hands away as he tries to help me rip it free from the confines of the box.

His eyes are wide like saucers when it first starts up, and I can't help but laugh at his mesmerized expression. "How cool is that?" he says in wonder.

"It's not like you've never seen a laptop before," I point out with a chuckle.

His eyes never leave the screen. "Not one that I'm allowed to touch," he says in a way that makes me think that if it were edible he would be salivating.

He complains that it's not fair that I get to have the first go, huffing at my insistence that I have to load up the anti-virus software before it's ready.

It's all a lot more complicated than I thought, and Jacob is outright whining by the time I finally log onto the internet.

"Man! This is so boring!" he rages, when I tell him I still need to install Skype.

I arch an eyebrow at him in warning, and he throws himself back against the sofa, folding his arms across his chest.

Finally, we are ready to make our first call. Jacob sits eagerly beside me, but he's leaning so far forward I have to crane my neck so I see the screen properly. "Sit back, Jacob," I scold, already irritated by the length of time it took me to set the laptop up.

I click on the camera icon, and an image of Jacob and I appears on screen.

"It's us!" Jacob yells, leaping up and almost head butting me in the process.

After several mechanical ring tones, a smaller box appears and Mike pops up on screen too.

"Mike!" Jacob's voice is at ear-splitting volume now.

"Hey, guys!" Mike says, and his wave flickers a little as the camera goes fuzzy with his movements.

"Are you in your house?" Jacob asks.

"Yeah, I'm in my kitchen. Isn't this cool?" Mike grins. "Amy, Louise! Come talk to Jacob!"

It's so strange to hear their footsteps as they come closer and then Jacob giggles when they appear on screen and yell 'Hi' in unison. Over the kids chatter Mike yells that we're probably best to leave them to it and he'll talk to me tomorrow.

I sit at the kitchen table listening to Jacob chattering excitedly with Amy and Louise for a little while before telling him to wrap it up.

"Can we call Dad now?" he asks as soon as Amy and Louise are gone.

"Sure," I say with a smile. "But we'll have to use the regular phone. I don't have his details yet for Skype." Jacob frowns. "So you like Skyping then?"

"It's amazing. It feels like you're really together."

"So," I venture. "When we leave you'll still be able to see everyone and talk to them."

Even though a slight shadow falls across his features, his smile stays firmly in place.

Jacob calls Edward while I clear away the packaging and store the laptop on a shelf. When he's done, I send Jacob upstairs to take a bath while I talk to Edward.

"Hey," he says softly when I greet him. "So you've got Skype?" he asks, and there's a trace of humour in his tone.

"Yeah, I need to get your details. Jacob wants to Skype you."

His chuckle rumbles down the line. "Do _you _want to Skype me?"

His tone is playful and with just one flirtatious question, he has me squirming in my seat while tiny prickles of electricity crackle in my blood. "This is not one of those conversations where you ask me what colour my panties are, is it?" I say, biting the inside of my lip to keep from laughing.

"I'm more interested in the material than the colour," he practically growls. "Is it something see-through like lace? Or something that will feel soft beneath my fingers like satin."

_Oh my God! This is new._

My mouth dries a little, and I rub my thighs together. I don't know how to answer that without getting in deeper than I'm ready to go.

"Okay," he says gently. "I guess we're not there yet."

"You took me by surprise," I confess.

He laughs a little. "I took myself by surprise."

There's an awkward silence. The question he fills it with changes the mood completely.

"What time should I expect you on Friday?" he asks.

"I can't come on Friday; there's been a change of plan," I say, rushing my words a little.

"Oh? A problem?"

"No. I said I'd babysit for Mike–"

"But we had plans," he snaps.

"I know, but Mike was stuck, and considering all he's done for me, I want to help him out."

"But you already had plans. Couldn't he reschedule his?" His tone is clipped.

"Edward. Mike is going on a date; his first date for a long time. He's a single parent of two children and works full time; rescheduling would mean having to wait another month to go on that date. It's not easy finding childcare to go enjoy yourself when you already rely on people to help you just so you can work!"

I didn't mean my words to come out so harshly, but his breath blows down the line when I finish speaking.

"Is that why you've never found someone else... childcare issues?"

I roll my eyes. "Probably," I say sarcastically. "Do you want to come here on Saturday?" I ask, diverting away from the dangers that conversation would present. "There's not much point of us driving to Seattle just to come back the next day."

"No, I guess not," he agrees, seemingly happy to drop the subject of single parenthood. "I'll talk to Alice and see if I can spend the night at her house."

"You can stay here," I offer before I've had time to register the thought.

"Really?" He can't hide the surprise in his voice. "Can I sleep in your bed?" He murmurs flirtatiously.

_So we're back to this._

"Sure," I deadpan. "You know that I won't be in it though, right?"

His hearty laugh relaxes me.

"You can't blame a guy for trying. I don't mind taking the sofa."

"You know that's one hell of a mood swing you've got there," I say, trying to sound light.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm just disappointed you won't be coming on Friday." There's a moments silence again.

"Okay, well. I've gotta go put out Jacobs things for tomorrow," I tell him. "Do you have a pen and I'll give you my email address so you can send me your Skype details. Jacob will want to Skype you tomorrow."

He takes the address and we hang up. I stare at the phone for a while, replaying the conversation in my head, and decide that flirty Edward could get me into so much trouble. He seems to be far more comfortable with the changes our weekend together brought than I am. Deep down I know that I have to make a decision about Edward one way or the other. I either embrace this whole-heartedly or stop it before it begins.

Trouble is – from up here on my perch on the fence, I can't tell which side is the beautiful beach and which is the quicksand.

On Friday night I turn up at Mike's house to find him flapping around like a chicken with its head cut off. Amy is rolling her eyes all over the place at his antics, while Louise is just happy to see Jacob again.

The kids head into the living room while I stand in the hallway watching Mike jog halfway down the stairs before cursing and shooting back up again.

Finally, he stands in the hallway patting all his pockets looking for his keys. "Are you sure this is okay?" he asks.

I take in his flushed cheeks, the glint in his eye that is a mixture of utter excitement and abject fear, and the muscle that is pulsing frantically in his jaw.

I lay my hands on both shoulders. "Take a deep breath," I instruct.

His wild eyes settle on mine and start to focus. "God, I'm so nervous!" he exclaims.

"Yeah, I caught that," I say, arching an eyebrow at him. "You've been talking to her for a while, and you get along just fine. So, face to face will be no different."

"Do I look okay?" he asks nervously.

Laughing, I motion with my fingers for him to do a 360 degree turn. He does. "Your butt doesn't look big in that."

He snorts. "I know I'm being ridiculous, but this means so much. I really like her."

"Mike, I know how you're feeling. But just go with it, you've already talked to her, so you're not going in blind. _You'll _be fine!"

In a compulsive move, he pulls me into his arms and hugs me tight. "Thanks Bella, you're a life saver."

He shouts goodbye to the kids and leaves in a cloud of cologne.

The kids and I bake cookies and endure a fraught game of Scrabble that involves more flicking of dictionary pages than game playing. They settle down to watch a movie while I retreat to the kitchen to clear up.

My mind drifts to last weekend and how much I enjoyed Edward's company.

I start to wonder what he's doing.

I sweep that thought aside and try to focus on Sunday... but that's worse. So instead I head into the living room and sit beside Jacob and enjoy the rest of the movie with the kids.

The girls are already in bed, and Jacob is curled up on the chair sleeping when Mike returns.

He's trying hard but failing to control his grin.

"It went well then?" I ask, mirroring his contagious grin.

He sighs contentedly. "She's great, Bella. I was worried. You know, with meeting her on the internet and all... but she was lovely, just like she is online. Only there... in the flesh."

His eyes glaze over.

"Okaaay," I drawl, trying not to laugh.

'Seriously,' he says, snapping out of his trance. 'There's always the worry that she won't look like her picture, it could be ten years old. Or what if she's secretly unhinged? But she wasn't she was... stunning.'

His eye catches mine and he smiles before shaking his head a little. "How were the kids? They didn't give you any trouble?"

"Give them more credit than that Mike. We had a nice night, and I'm glad you did too."

Since Jacob is already sleeping, I stay and have a coffee while Mike regales me with the wonders of his date. It's so nice to see him so animated and enthusiastic. Even though I've missed Edward tonight, it's worth it to see Mike getting some happy.

"You know there's a spare room, if you and Jacob want it," he offers as I get up to leave. "I hate to think of you driving alone this late."

I look at him sadly. "Charlie didn't like me driving this late either."

He envelopes me in his arms, and I detect the now familiar scent of his cologne mixed with the sharp tang of beer. He doesn't say anything. He just holds me for the few moments I need to be held and then lets go.

"Thank you," I whisper as I pick up my jacket. "But I just want to go home."

He nods.

"And besides," I add. "You'll be dying to get online to talk to your new girlfriend!" I sing the last part, and he clicks his tongue at me but can't even fake a decent scowl.

We walk to the living room.

Jacob grumbles momentarily when Mike scoops him up to carry him out to the car. The cold air hits him and he looks around wildly when his eyes open.

"We're going home now," I say in a soothing voice and his eyes drift closed again.

I wave goodbye to Mike and head home. Passing Alice's house I see a light on downstairs and find myself again forcing thoughts of Sunday out of my mind.

* * *

The heavy sound of knuckles on wood rouses me from a dream I've already forgotten by the time I open my eyes. For a moment I have to think about what day it is, but when I remember it's Saturday, my heart soars unbidden.

Edward.

Halfway down the stairs my sensibilities kick in, and I realise how wildly juvenile my initial reaction to him is.

I pull open the door. He looks fresh and... delicious.

I shake my head. "Come in," I croak. The dryness in my throat has more to do with the sight of him than my slumber.

"It's early," I point out.

"I thought I'd beat the traffic," he says with a grin.

"It's the weekend, Edward."

He holds up a bag. "I brought breakfast. Go shower, I'll cook."

An hour later the three of us are at the table. Jacob commandeers the conversation as usual. Bringing Edward up to speed on his week and boring us to death on the wonders of Skype. After breakfast, I suggest that we should take a drive down to La Push beach. It's an unseasonably bright spring day, and as long as we're not stripping down to our swimsuits, it should be bearable.

Jacob goes in search of his ball while Edward and I prepare a picnic lunch.

"So how did Mike's date go?" he asks.

"He came back all flushed with the promise of it all," I say, grinning. "He's really into her, and I think he was so relieved that it went well."

"I'm sorry if I was a little off on the phone the other night," he says. "I was just disappointed that you cancelled. I had a great time last weekend."

I stop buttering the slice of bread. "Me too," I admit.

He moves closer, and I feel the heat of his body all around me. "I really want to kiss you right now," he confesses. "But... Jacob."

The intensity of his voice, coupled with the sheer presence of him is almost too much. I have to force myself not to tilt my face up towards his. "Doesn't any of this scare you?" I ask, my voice barely a whisper.

"Not enough to make me stop," he says softly. "Following my head didn't get me anywhere. This time I want to follow my heart."

He's leaning so close; his breath is in my hair, and my nostrils fill with the achingly familiar scent of his body. On autopilot I turn towards him at the same time his hands slide up my bare arms.

"I want to do that too, but I–"

"Shhh," he whispers gently, crooking his finger beneath my chin and pulling my face up to meet his warm gaze. "I know it's not just about us. I'm trying to give you space." He tilts his head and brushes my lips softly with his own. "But now that I've kissed you again... I just can't stop."

I close my eyes and enjoy the warmth of his mouth on mine. My nipples harden instantly and with just one kiss, I feel more aroused than I've felt in so long. I want to open my mouth to him and feel the velvety softness of his tongue as it strokes my own. I want to feel his fingers on my bare flesh while his lips and tongue explore my whole body.

My fingers delve under the hem of his shirt and flutter across the waistband of his jeans. I'm gripped with the desire to dip my hand inside, but mindful of where we are I pull back. I'm breathing rapidly like I've just emerged from underwater.

He looks as shaken as I feel. The more he touches me and kisses me the more I want him to... and the harder it gets to keep a clear head.

"Is it still okay for me to stay here tonight?" he asks, adjusting his jeans.

My eyes track his movements and a surge of pure arousal washes over me when I see the bulge he's trying to conceal.

"Yes," I confirm, still unable to drag my eyes away.

"Bella, it won't go away if you keep looking at it," he says.

My eyes snap to his face. He's smiling, but his eyes are hooded with lust. I want him so badly, but if I succumb to it now, it would only be like scratching the itch that makes the infection worse. I force out a sharp breath and tell him I'm going to get Jacob.

It turns out that everyone seems to have the same idea as us. The beach is packed. It isn't warm enough for swimming or sunbathing, but a few people attempt it. Jacob, Edward and I spend most of the time playing with Jacob's ball and helping him collect different types of pebbles. We walk along the beach and then Edward shows Jacob how to build a small bonfire. We sit by the fire for a while, listening to a young man playing guitar and singing to his girlfriend nearby.

It's hard not to feel envious of the young couple who are so openly in love. Jacob makes disgusted noises and mimics puking when they kiss while Edward and I laugh at him. But when his voice starts to get a little loud, I have to scold him and tell him not to be rude.

On the way home, Edward suggests stopping at the diner to save us cooking. It's relatively quiet for a Saturday night, and we're able to enjoy our dinner without any unwanted interest from the other diners, most of whom I don't know.

Finally, back home I wait till Jacob has his bath and gets ready for bed, before taking a shower.

I wipe the condensation from the mirror and look at myself. Sue is right, there is a slight pinkish hue to my cheeks, and the dark circles that had formed under my eyes are fading fast. I brush my teeth while my mind reels with thoughts of what might happen now. Jacob is already in bed and Edward is downstairs... waiting for me.

I've dressed in sweats and a T-shirt. I don't want to be sitting around in my pajamas while Edward is fully clothed. I take longer than necessary combing out my wet hair, but eventually I have to take the bull by the horns and leave the bathroom.

I slip into the bedroom expecting to find Jacob reading, but he's already fast asleep. I look down at him for a few moments before gently kissing his forehead and turning the lamp off. I close the door quietly but firmly behind me, and then pad down the stairs in my slipper socks.

"He must be ex–"

Edward is sprawled out on the sofa sleeping just as soundly as Jacob. This doesn't surprise me; it wasn't yet nine a.m. when he arrived here this morning, which means he was probably on the road by five.

Picking up the pillow and blankets I left on the chair for him, I move closer. Kneeling, I lay them on the floor before untying his shoelaces and slipping his shoes off his feet. He snuffles a little as I move the foot that was on the floor up onto the sofa.

Leaning over him, I slide my hand beneath his shoulders and pull him up gently, intending to slide the pillow beneath his head. Letting him fall gently onto the pillow, I gasp in surprise when his arms wind tightly around me and he pulls me down on top of him. His lips graze my neck revealing his wakened state.

I'm only half on top of him, so he tilts on to his side and pulls me in tight until my head is on the pillow and he is looking down at me. Without a word he slides his hand down past my hip and over my thigh, before curling his fingers around the back of my knee and pulling my leg up so I'm lying flush against him.

"You smell amazing," he murmurs, his breath fanning my face.

Our kisses quickly become heated, and I can't resist when Edward looms over me, murmuring my name as his hand sweeps down my face. He gazes into my eyes as if he can scarcely believe I'm real.

I know exactly how he feels.

I run my fingers through his hair, cup, the back of his head and pull him down to me. His lips crash into mine as his body covers mine completely. My legs open reflexively, and a gasp of pleasure rips forth from my lungs as his erection presses firmly against my core.

"I want you Bella," he whispers into my ear while his hips flex repeatedly.

I let my hands glide down his back, widening my legs and curling them around his when my fingers reach the firm contours of his ass. I pull him tighter to me, all the while trying to find the will to stop– but it's nowhere to be found.

His hand roams beneath my t-shirt. His warm fingers blaze a trail across my heated skin. My nipples harden to stiff peaks in anticipation of his touch_. It's been so long!_

I moan his name as his hand finally cups my naked breast. His touch electrifies me, and I want nothing more than to let nature take its course – to free fall into the ecstasy that only he can bring me. But I'm achingly aware that if we cross this line tonight, it will colour everything that follows.

His hands are roaming freely. His tongue is laving my heated skin as his head descends to my breast. His fingers roughly haul my shirt upwards, and I'm quivering with the need to feel his lips and tongue on me. His breath is hot on my prickling flesh.

Pushing my top higher and exposing my breast he claims it in his hot, wet mouth, sucking eagerly. My hips buck up into his and he moans with delight.

"Tell me you want me, Bella," he groans as my aching nipple slips from his mouth. "Tell me you want this!"

I can't bring myself to say it, even though my heart is beating wildly for it.

His head jerks up, and he stares at me. "You don't?" he gasps.

I shake my head, and it's as if I've burned him. He's off me and on the other side of the sofa in the blink of an eye.

I fumble with my clothes, covering myself before I scoot to his side. "I do want you... this. But, it's too soon."

He squeezes his eyes shut tight. "I know," he groans in frustration. "I'm moving too fast for you."

He rubs his hands down his face and blinks several times before turning to look at me. "I don't want to rush you Bella, but..." He shakes his head ruefully. "It's so fucking hard to be patient. I don't just mean this." He adds motioning towards the space we were just occupying. "It's like the flood gates have opened, and I want it all."

There's a trace of anger in his voice, but it's borne of frustration.

"I'm not messing you around," I say moving closer. "I want you Edward, it would be so easy to make love with you right now. But it would only muddy the waters. I need to be sure of everything and sex will only cloud my judgement further."

He raises his arm letting me slip underneath and snuggle against his body. He presses his lips to my head and squeezes me tightly.

"Thanks for understanding."

He sighs, pressing his lips to my hair. "If I hadn't opened my big mouth," he says ruefully. I feel his small smile. "If I hadn't asked you to tell me, maybe..."

"I'm glad you did," I say, grabbing his hand and bringing it to my lips.

He chuckles lightly. "I'd like to say I was being a gentleman, but inside my head I'm calling myself every name under the sun for being so stupidly vocal."

I tilt my face up to his, and he pecks my lips chastely. "It's late," he murmurs.

I don't bother to mention that it's barely nine thirty. I know he's a little pissed, even though he's trying not to be. "I guess I'll go to bed," I say, rising slowly.

As I move away, he catches my hand and brings it to his lips, kissing my fingers gently. "I'll see you in the morning."

* * *

"Don't grip the flowers so tightly," I whisper to Jacob as we exit Edward's car. "You'll crush them."

He looks down blankly. His fingers don't loosen.

Edward stalks around the car towards us, his expression a little tense. He forces a smile. "Ready?"

Jacob nods. I don't react to the question at all.

I fully expect Edward to march on ahead while Jacob and I follow in his wake, but he surprises me by taking Jacob's hand and smiling reassuringly at me. Jacob, passes the flowers to Edward and holds his other hand out to me. We walk towards the Cullen house in a little human chain.

I look up to see Esme standing on the porch. She doesn't look like she's aged at all. Her hair is still in the same style, and her skin is still so smooth I briefly wonder if she's had a nip and tuck. This train of thought doesn't linger though, because it is evident that she is as nervous as I am.

She is wringing her hands, and I can tell by the firm set of her mouth that her teeth are most likely grinding. When we reach the top of the stairs Edward leans forward, kissing her cheek tenderly.

Edward speaks first. "Jacob, this is..." He looks at her lovingly. "My mother, Esme."

Her eyes glisten as she looks down at Jacob. I catch her sharp intake of breath before her lip starts to tremble. "My, my. You look exactly like your father did when he first came to us," she says on the verge of full on crying. She crouches down and places her hands on Jacob's shoulders. "He was a little younger than you are now, but the resemblance is remarkable."

Jacob looks up at me confused. I squeeze his hand gently. He takes the flowers from Edward and hands them to Esme. 'These are for you,' he says shyly.

"They're beautiful. Thank you," Esme says, managing to chuckle. She brushes her finger underneath her eye to wipe away the moisture there. "I'm sorry. I'm just a little overwhelmed. Your father showed me a picture of you, but you're far more handsome in the flesh."

Jacob looks up at me. "Overwhelmed is where you're feeling lots of different things that scare you, right?" he asks earnestly.

I feel such a surge of love for him I could almost cry myself. "We talked about that already, huh?" I ask lightly.

He nods emphatically. "That day at Adventureland, you said I was overwhelmed."

I let go of his hand and cup his cheek in my hand. "That's right, I remember now."

It seems so long ago. So much has happened, yet I still worry that we'll never get through it.

Jacob turns to Esme and forces a tight smile.

"Come in," Esme insists.

Edward and Jacob head inside and I move to follow them, but Esme lays her hand on my forearm. "Thank you for coming, Bella," she says. "I know this isn't easy for you... and it's more than we deserve, but I hope you'll feel very welcome."

I look at her dubiously. "This is important to Edward and Jacob," I tell her. "That's the only reason I'm here."

"Even so, I appreciate you allowing us to meet your son." She pauses, looking thoughtful. "I want to apologise to you properly for our... for letting you down." She looks pained. "I know today is not the day for that, but please know that I am deeply sorry for the way we handled things."

"All I want is for you to treat my son with the respect that was never afforded to me," I say, knowing that my words are curt, but my only concern today is for Jacob's well-being.

She says nothing further, and it is with great trepidation I follow her into the house.

I'm relieved to see Emmett roughhousing with Jacob in the hallway. Edward is talking to Rosalie, and they turn and smile as Esme closes the door behind us. I smile back, but it falls from my face as I catch sight of Alice standing at the top of the stairs.

She descends slowly, keeping her eyes trained on mine. Instinctively I move towards Jacob. When he spots her he slips his hand into mine.

"Bella," she greets.

"Alice," I return.

Jacob squeezes my hand.

"I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself properly the last time we met," she says, addressing Jacob. "I'm Alice."

"Hello," Jacob says warily.

"And this is my husband Jasper."

We turn to see Jasper standing at the foot of the stairs. He smiles kindly at us, and Jacob says hello to him too. Eventually we make our way upstairs. There is no sign of Carlisle.

Edward vocalises my thought.

"He's been delayed at work," Esme explains. "He'll be here soon."

This explanation does nothing to improve my mood. We make our way upstairs, and Edward takes Jacob to show him around. Esme follows. I feel a little lost standing in the middle of the living room with nothing to do, but I resist the intense urge to chase after my baby.

"How about a glass of wine, Bella?" Emmett asks. "You look like you could use something to loosen you up a little."

"Yeah, that would be nice," I reply.

Rosalie moves to my side. "He'll be fine," she whispers, and I can't help but smile at her.

She sits down on the sofa, and I follow suit.

"Edward says Jacob is going to be in a play at school," Alice ventures, looking a little out of her depth.

"Yes, that's right." I say.

The conversation stalls.

"When is the play?" she asks, after an awkward pause.

"In a few weeks."

It's like a form of torture trying to talk to Alice. I can see how hard she's trying, but we are poles apart. We were never on the same wavelength, but we were never so distant like we are now.

Jasper sits quietly by her side. I catch a glimpse of his fingers brushing her arm gently and it occurs to me that I owe him a lot. He bridged the gap for us. If he hadn't intervened, Alice and I would be tearing each other's hearts out by now, and Edward might not have taken the news about Jacob in any other way than with complete and utter ire.

"Jeez, I've been to wakes that are more lively than this," Emmett snorts, coming back into the room with my wine. He winks at me as he hands me the glass.

"Poor Jacob," he muses, swigging his beer. "Mom's probably got all the photo albums out right about now. In fact, she's probably trying to rig up the VCR to show those god awful videos of us all!"

"Maybe you should go rescue him," Rosalie suggests, smiling.

"Mom!" he yells at an ear splitting volume. "Step away from the VCR!"

Rosalie swats his arm. "I could've yelled! I meant you should_ go_ and rescue him."

Edward, Jacob and Esme rejoin us, and Esme suggests that we make our way to the dining room.

"Lunch is ready," she confirms. "Carlisle won't be much longer. He won't mind if we start without him."

Emmett grabs Jacob and hauls him up onto his shoulders. Jacob giggles in delight as Emmett carries him towards the dining room.

Edward's fingers encircle my arm, restraining me lightly. "How you doing?" he murmurs softly.

I hang back until everyone has left the room. "I'm okay. Still not entirely comfortable, but I'll live."

He pulls me into his arms and kisses me. "I'm here with you. It'll be okay."

I return his kiss, needing the comfort it brings.

"Like a step back in time."

I stiffen at the sound of Carlisle's voice.

"Either there's a time portal at my front door," he sneers. "... or you two are _still _sneaking around behind everyone's backs."

* * *

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	24. Chapter 24

My initial reaction is to step away from Edward and tell Carlisle to go to hell, but Edward holds me firm. His arms tighten around me and he pulls me fractionally closer, kissing my temple gently before he turns his head towards Carlisle.

"What we do is none of your concern," he snarls. "Keep your puerile remarks to yourself."

Carlisle's eyes darken briefly, but then he slides his hands into his pockets and smirks. "I don't care what you do; I'm just curious as to why you're back to hiding away again. I saw you hanging back till everyone was out of the room so you could have your little illicit kiss." His eyes slide to Edward. "So what are you hiding from this time? You're a free agent..." He looks back towards me. "Oh... are you the attached one this time? You and Mike Newton seemed pretty cosy, last time I saw you."

Edward steps forward, glowering menacingly. "I swear to fuck–"

"Edward!" I grab hold of his arm, restraining him. "Don't! Jacob is in the next room."

"This is my house," Carlisle says sternly. "I won't be threatened in my own home."

"Then stop acting like an ass!"

I whirl at the sound of Esme's voice. She stalks across the room and steps between Edward and Carlisle. Even though she has her back to him, she addresses Edward.

"Go join Jacob in the dining room. We'll be along in a moment."

Edward's steely glare is still on Carlisle, and I have to push him slightly to get him to move. Finally, he looks down at me and his face is a picture of apology. "We can leave if you want to," he murmurs.

"Please stay," Esme pleads quietly. "Just give me a few minutes."

Probably against my better judgement, I nod to indicate that we'll stay. The payoff is seeing Carlisle look so livid that his attempt to scare me off backfired. Edward and I make our way to the dining room and close the door behind us.

"Was that Dad?" Emmett asks as soon as we enter the room. He catches sight of Edward's tight expression. "Guess so," he mutters.

Jacob looks at Edward, and his little face drops. I surreptitiously nudge Edward in the ribs and he blinks a few times before focussing on Jacob – his expression only relaxes marginally.

"Are you okay?" Jacob asks.

"Sure," Edward says unconvincingly. "Are those seats for us?" he asks, pointing to the chairs on either side of Jacob.

"Yes," Jacob says with a nod. He looks at me again, and I see the worry in his eyes.

I can't help but wonder what Esme is saying to Carlisle, but part of me hopes that she's telling him to go crawl under a rock till we're gone.

I slide into the seat beside Jacob and pat his hand. Emmett and Rosalie are sitting opposite us with Alice and Jasper beside them. The tension in the air is palpable as we wait for Esme to return, and any hopes I had that Edward might fill the silence are dashed when I look at him – his mouth is clamped tightly shut and he looks like he's regretting bringing us here.

Rosalie slides my wine glass across the table towards me. I hadn't realised she'd brought it in for me, and I lift it gratefully, taking a large sip.

The door opens and we all turn in unison. Esme enters first, and my disappointment rises when Carlisle walks in behind her. Esme looks a little flushed, but the determined glint in her eye is hard to miss.

"Jacob," she says, stopping beside him. "This is my husband Carlisle."

Jacob gets to his feet immediately and holds his hand out. "Pleased to meet you, Sir," he says stiffly.

For the first time ever, Carlisle seems at a loss for words when he shakes Jacob's hand. But it doesn't last long. "What lovely manners you have," he observes, staring at Jacob as if he is some sort of enigma that he can't work out.

Jacob shrugs and blushes a little. "We brought flowers," he blurts. "Um... for your wife, but we didn't bring anything for you. Sorry." His cheeks flame red while he speaks.

Carlisle smiles, and I feel my jaw drop. It's one of the rare genuine smiles I've ever seen him give. I've seen him smile many times, but often there is malice behind it or he's trying to ingratiate himself to someone. This is not one of those smiles.

He invites Jacob to sit back down and then Alice and Esme go to the kitchen to get the food.

They return with serving dishes and place them in the middle of the table before sitting down. Emmett immediately lifts the meat dish and starts piling his plate. He grins at Esme, telling her the food looks great while he passes the dish to Rosalie.

"I made a vegetarian casserole for you Bella. It's in the blue dish," Esme says to me.

I scan the dishes and see the blue one situated in front of Alice.

"Could you pass me the casserole please, Alice?" I ask, cringing inside at the hollow sound of my voice.

She picks it up and extends her arms, holding it out to me. "You are still vegetarian, right?" she asks as I take it.

"Yes," I reply, before thanking her.

"Mom and I looked up the recipe the other day... I hope you like it." Her voice sounds stilted, and she looks a little self-conscious – as if she's having to force herself to look me in the eye.

Carlisle is sitting motionless at the head of the table. Esme – opposite him at the other end – looks nervous, and Edward is still blazing mad. I dish up some of the casserole and then feel at a loss where to put the dish.

"I'd like to try some," Jacob pipes up.

"Oh! Are you vegetarian too?" Carlisle asks. "I've often wondered about mothers who impose their own lifestyle choices on their children."

His tone is too bright for his barbed words. He thinks he's being far more clever than he is. I can't believe the gall of the man to say something like that, when he himself tried to force his own ambitions on Edward's shoulders.

"No, I'm not vegetarian," Jacob says politely. "Mom doesn't mind me eating meat. She even cooks it for me," he elaborates, smiling at me proudly.

I wink at him.

"I'd like to try it too," Rosalie says, holding her hands out for the dish and smiling smugly at Carlisle – whose expression has soured.

Silence descends again, and all that can be heard is the clatter of silver on crockery. It's like the Stepford dinner party – everyone behaving impeccably.

"So Jacob," Esme begins, theatrically breaking the deafening silence. "How did you enjoy Seattle last weekend?"

"I had a nice time," he replies brightly, relaxing into the situation far easier than any of the adults are. "Dad's going to hire a boat the next time we're there." He turns to Edward. "Right?"

Edward visibly relaxes, and he smiles affectionately at Jacob. "Anything you want," he says.

Esme smiles brightly and addresses Jacob again. "Did you like Edward's apartment?"

"Dad's apartment," he corrects, and I resist the urge to scold him when I see that his words please Esme. "Yes, I liked it."

"The views are awesome," Emmett pipes up. "Did you stay up till it was dark to see the city lights?"

Jacob nods and looks thoughtful for a moment, as if he's trying to think of something to say. Suddenly, his face lights up. "What was that DVD about? The one you gave Dad? Mom wouldn't let me watch it."

Emmett looks confused. "What DVD?"

"Oh, it was just a medical one," Edward cuts in. "It had some gory bits in it, it wasn't suitable," he adds.

"What was it called again?" Jacob asks, innocently.

"We can't remember," I say in a tone that I hope will end the subject.

"I can't remember lending you a medical DV... ow!" Emmett exclaims, his head whipping round to look at Rosalie who has quite clearly kicked him beneath the table. "What?"

"Oh I remember it now," Jacob says with a triumphant smile. "Naughty Nurses!" His brow furrows and he looks at Emmett. "Why were they naughty?"

Esme blushes furiously while Jasper and Alice try, but fail, to hide their sniggers.

Emmett laughs loudly, but then apologises when he receives another kick from Rosalie.

"What's so funny?" Jacob asks innocently.

"Oh it's just Emmett being silly," Rosalie says. "He finds everything funny." She glares at him. "Even when no one else does."

Jacob looks around the table at everyone suspiciously, before digging his fork into his food and tasting a mouthful.

"So you stayed overnight at... your father's house?" Carlisle asks Jacob. "That must have been a nice treat for you."

"It was," Jacob responds, smiling.

"And your mother too?"

Edward looks up but Carlisle ignores him.

Jacob looks questioningly at me before answering. "Yeah, we both had a sleepover. Dad took us out to lunch the next day with Emmett and Rosalie."

"That's good," Carlisle says insincerely. "You'll miss the family time when you return to Florida." His eyes swing to mine. "When are you thinking of returning home?"

When I turn to glance at Jacob, I notice Edward stiffen while Jacob's face falls.

"There's no rush for us to go home," I say far more lightly than I'm feeling. "We're staying until Jacob finishes school."

"That long?" Carlisle almost chokes on his food.

"Till the end of _this _school year," I clarify, wishing the food lodged in his throat wasn't so easily expelled.

His mouth twitches downwards. It's a micro-expression, but I catch it anyway. The thought of us hanging around does not please him, but knowing he feels that way pleases me.

He quiets for a while, allowing Alice and Esme to make polite but strained conversation with Edward, Jacob and I.

Alice asks Jacob about school, and this piques Carlisle's interest.

"Tell me Jacob," he says with irritating smoothness. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Jacob's whole demeanor lifts with the prospect of considering that question. He looks thoughtful for a few moments. "I used to want to be an astronaut," he reveals. "I still like that idea, but I like being in the school play, so maybe I should be a movie star. I'm good at acting," he says with complete conviction and not a hint of arrogance.

Carlisle chuckles. "Those are lofty ambitions, Jacob. Perhaps you should aim your sights a little lower. It's not easy to become an astronaut... it takes a lot of discipline. And as for becoming a movie star–"

"I can be anything I want to be," Jacob cuts in, glancing at me. "If I want it bad enough and work hard enough for it, I can do anything."

Carlisle's wide smile is almost chilling. "A man of ambition," he says approvingly. "An admirable quality to have. I wonder where you inherited that trait."

Jacob looks slightly bemused. "I got it from my mom; she tells me all the time I can do anything if I'm willing to work hard at it."

"But ambition is something that's in you," Carlisle says. "It can't be taught and you clearly have it by the bucket load."

Jacob looks at me. "What's ambition?"

"It's the desire to succeed and be the very best at what you do," I tell him.

He smiles. "Then I got that from Mom, she's the best mom in the world."

There's a very brief pause, and for a crazy moment I feel like I could burst into applause for Jacob. I smile down at him proudly and can't resist the urge to kiss his cheek.

"Mom!" he complains. "You're embarrassing me."

Carlisle laughs heartily and when I see the gleam of admiration in his eyes it surprises me. It seems he's quite enamoured with Jacob. However, his newfound magnanimity does not extend to me, and it isn't long before the thinly veiled taunts start up again.

Emmett and Rosalie start to talk about our lunch date last week and Jacob joins in, waxing lyrical about the chefs twirling pizza dough.

He turns towards Esme with an animated expression. "They let you watch them make the dough," he explains. "It was really cool." He raises his hands in the air. "They spin it like this."

He almost knocks his glass of juice over but Edward catches it. He looks down at Jacob affectionately, and at last more of the tension that has been etched on his face dissipates.

"Jacob loves cooking," Edward tells Esme.

"Dad bought me a chef's jacket."

Carlisle pushes his food around his plate while everyone listens to Jacob and Edward talking. Alice catches my eye now and again, and I detect the hint of sadness in her eyes.

"So it seems you've been doing a lot of catching up," Carlisle finally says. "It must be nice making up for all that lost time."

Edward's cutlery clatters to his plate. "Jacob would you like to see the garden?" he asks, strain evident in his voice.

Jacob looks at me and I nod. "Okay," he says, looking a little bewildered.

"Emmett will take you," Edward says, attempting to smile.

"I haven't finished my lunch," Jacob points out.

"It'll still be here when you get back," Emmett says, rising to his feet. He lowers his voice a little. "The garden's boring. I'll show you the garage. Wait till you see the cars in there!" He whistles appreciatively and Jacob giggles as he leaves the table.

Edward watches him go, and as soon as the door closes behind them he whirls to Carlisle. "Enough!" he yells.

"Edward–" Esme begins.

Edward cuts her off and continues to yell. "I won't stand for this. I brought my son here in good faith because he wanted to meet you all, and I'm so fucking proud of him I wanted you to meet him too. But you!" he roars, pointing at Carlisle. "You just can't help yourself. You think you're so clever with your nasty comments. You're trying to unsettle Bella and I won't have it. She's done everything she can to make this easier for me and Jacob, and I won't let you make her feel like shit because you can't stand to see anyone happy."

He looks at Esme. "I'm sorry. I tried, but I can't sit here and watch him constantly chip away at Bella like that." He turns to me and takes my hand in his. "I want Bella to be in my life; I _always_ have. She and Jacob are my number one priority, and I wanted to share my happiness with you. But this isn't working."

"Well then you should man up and be open about it," Carlisle spits, throwing his napkin down. "I come in here and you two are taking up where you left off. Waiting till everyone is out of the room and stealing kisses like a couple of goddamned teenagers."

I feel my own temper rise at his arrogant words. "I know that taking a vulnerable child's feelings into account is alien to you, Carlisle," I say. "Not that we have to justify anything to you, but we have our reasons. Reasons that concern our son. So, maybe you should get over yourself for a moment, and try to see this from Jacob's point of view."

"So you're together... apparently." he says acerbically. "What's the problem?"

I know Edward and I are both thinking about our worry that this won't work out. Edward squeezes my hand, and I know that he's trying to convey that it will. There's a heartbeat's pause before I squeeze back. Neither of us bothers to say a word of this to Carlisle.

Esme rubs Edward's arm, gazing at him proudly. "All I want is for you to be happy." She looks at me. "All of you."

Rosalie leans back in her chair and tips her wine glass towards Carlisle. "Ball's in your court!" she announces with a happy grin. "He's a great kid, and you know it. He's just what this family needs. So it's your loss if you don't embrace it."

Carlisle looks at Esme, and his expression falters when he sees her expression. She looks pained, hopeful and determined all at once.

"Don't do this again." Her words are so quiet I have to strain to hear her. She turns to Edward. "Excuse me," she says emotionally and stalks out of the room. Carlisle sighs with exasperation, wipes his mouth with his napkin and follows her.

Edward turns to me. "I'm so sorry. I can't believe I thought this would work out. I'll go get Jacob and take you home."

I cup his cheek in my hand. "It's okay. I knew this wouldn't be plain sailing." My voice hitches and I want to say more, but I'm too aware of Rosalie, Alice and Jasper watching us. "Carlisle is the only fly in the ointment," I point out with a small smile. "Everyone else has welcomed us. I won't let him spoil it for everyone."

He cups my face in his hands. "You and Jacob are my family, you come first before anyone." He kisses my lips, and I should be lost in the moment, because ten years ago I would have given everything for him to be so publically vocal about us. But, I'm too aware of our audience.

I pull back. "Why don't we go see how Jacob's doing; he looked a little anxious."

He nods.

I stand up and look towards the others. Rosalie is beaming at me, and I think she's probably giving me a mental thumbs up, while the expression on Alice's face is hard to decipher.

"Can we talk?" she asks as I pull my chair back to leave the table.

I consider refusing, but then I remember the lengths she and Esme have gone to in order to make Jacob and I feel welcome.

"Okay," I agree before telling Edward to go on without me.

Edward kisses my cheek before reluctantly leaving.

"Looks like it's just us incomers," Rosalie chuckles, looking at Jasper. "Well, except for Bella, but since your wife's taking her away. That leaves us out!"

Jasper laughs. "Luckily, we're used to the drama."

Alice rolls her eyes as Rosalie laughs loudly. "It's like the goddamned _Young and the Restless_ in here."

Alice and I make our way out onto the terrace. She slides the glass doors closed behind us and sits down on a patio chair. I sit down too, feeling the coldness seep into my skin.

We sit for a while, staring out into the forest. There's a fine line here; we're both guilty, yet we're both innocent. I wait for her to speak. When it doesn't look like she is ever going to say anything, I decide to take the bull by the horns. But she turns to me at the same time I turn to her. Her words come out first.

"I'm so sorry for the way I spoke to you at the mall... and afterwards," she blurts.

"No... it's ... it was understandable. I–" I have no words to convey how I'm feeling. Part of me still wants to blame her, but then the sane part of me can't ignore my own duplicity.

"I've never had a friend like you again," she says, surprising me. She's not looking at me, her eyes are trained on the trees in the distance and I can see that she is purging. "I'm not trying to excuse my actions, but in all my life I never had a friend like you and I truly believed in it. I thought we really were friends." Her eyes dart to mine briefly before her gaze returns to the distance. "Back then, I thought when you were eager to come here it was because of me." Her face is drawn and sad.

"I thought that you were happy to spend time with me, and I was proud to have you as my friend. I never knew," she whispers. "It hurt when I found out that you weren't my friend at all. You were here because you wanted my brother."

"That's not true," I say. "We _were_ friends. My falling for Edward was not a reflection on that."

"You were sleeping with him," she says. "You were coming here under the guise of seeing me and yet it was him you wanted to see."

I stand up. "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for betraying you and going behind your back with your brother. I mean that Alice; I never intended to hurt anyone. Edward and I fell in love – the only thing we did wrong was starting our relationship before he ended his marriage. If we'd waited nobody would have got hurt, and we would have all lived happily ever after," I finish, unable to keep the sarcasm at bay.

"But you used me," she protests.

"Alice, it was never about you. You were my friend. If you can't remember the good times we shared then I'm sorry for you. I valued your friendship, but I can't help it that Edward filled a void in me that no one else could. I found that very hard to resist, but it didn't mean that we weren't friends."

"You never told me," she says. "You didn't trust me."

"How could I?" I ask incredulously. "He's your brother, and he was married. I knew it was wrong that we were..." I pause, dragging my fingers through my hair. "I'm not sorry for what I did, Alice. I'm sorry for _when_ I did it. Can you honestly say that if I told you about it you would have been happy? You would have kept the secret?"

"You went behind my back," she says, completely ignoring my question and frustrating me in the process. "Friends don't do that!"

"Yeah? You don't turn your back on your friend when she needs you most, either!" I spit. "I'm willing to admit what I did wrong, but all you want to do is blame me for how unhappy you were about it. What about me? Do you think it was fun for me at school when you were walking around with your bitchface on refusing to speak to me? Did you never wonder where I was at lunch? Do you want to know where I was? I spent every lunch sitting on the stairs behind the janitor's office, because I couldn't face the gossip. I didn't have anyone to confide in."

She looks up at me sadly.

"You had your family, Alice. You were all here standing together. I had no one, and sure, I probably brought it all on myself, but that doesn't mean that it hurt any less. That first day Jessica came to school with her claims, you wouldn't hear me out. You just went straight home and told your parents. You tried to make it about you Alice, when it was only ever about me and Edward.

"You loved the drama of it all. You enjoyed being the centre of attention and playing the role of the wronged friend. I hated it. I hated being stared at and having no one to talk to."

"You had other friends, Bella. You had Mike... even Lauren and Jessica," she argues.

"They weren't my _friends_," I scoff. "Mike was with Jessica, who was the one who blew the whistle, and Lauren took great delight in telling me Irina was pregnant. Boy! That was a punch in the gut." I stare at her. "You never warned me. You never said a fucking word to me the whole time, so you have no place to be angry for the things I kept from you."

"I tried to make up for it," she says quietly.

"How? By calling me a fucking bitch when I came back?" I snap acidly.

She looks at me guiltily. "It was a shock to find out about Jacob like that," she admits.

I sense that we're getting back to where we were the last time I spoke to her, and I have no desire to go over it all again. It's futile. "I need to go see Jacob," I say, heading for the door.

"When Edward came back from Seattle to move his things out permanently, he looked terrible. I'd never seen him like that. He'd lost weight, he was completely disinterested in anything... it was like a light had gone out inside him. He was utterly miserable."

For some reason her description of him reminds me of that photograph Renee put in my album. I looked exactly like Alice just described.

"I realised you looked the same," she says, echoing my thoughts. "And that's why I tried to talk to you. I felt bad that we'd all listened to Dad and the lawyer and never gave you a chance to give us your side of it," she tells me. She shakes her head slightly. "I don't mean like you had to defend yourself...I'd been so wrapped up in my own hurt that I didn't consider your feelings at all. That's why I tried to talk to you; I wanted to know what it meant to you."

"It was too late by then," I tell her. "I was heartbroken and pregnant and more scared than I'd ever been in my life. There was nothing we could have said to each other to fix it."

She nods but says nothing.

"I wasn't using you Alice. I did value our friendship, but in Edward I'd found someone who understood me. I can't explain it better than that."

She nods. "I know. Edward and I talked a lot about it when he left Irina, and I'll admit I was jealous of the bond you two shared. I think that's why I reacted so badly when you came back. It was a shock to learn that you'd kept such a secret from him and that you'd lied to me to keep it."

She stands up finally. "I've been so desperate to come to you – to apologise. Edward said you didn't want to see any of us, and –"

"He was right, Alice. I don't want us to keep going over and over everything. I want to move on now. Things won't ever be the same. All I want is to know that Jacob will be treated right by you and your family. That's all I care about. Jacob wants what any kid wants," I admit. "He wants to be part of a large family – to belong somewhere."

"Do you think he... you both belong here, with Edward?"

"I forgot how perceptive you are," I say, managing to smile. "And to answer your question: I don't know, but that's a discussion for Edward and me." I put my hand on the door handle. "I should go see how Jacob's doing."

"What would you have done if your father didn't get sick?" she asks suddenly, stopping me in my tracks.

I turn to face her again. "I probably would never have come back," I admit.

"That's what I thought."

I sit back down with a heavy sigh. "I'm just being honest Alice. There's no point in lying and telling you that I would have seen the light one day and come looking for you all. I would have kept my secret to the grave."

Guilt sits heavy in my chest when I admit this to her.

"I'm sorry about Charlie," she says, changing the subject. "I used to run into him from time to time. It was awkward at first, but eventually I could say hi to him and it was as if you never existed. He wouldn't talk about you, and I stopped asking."

"He always had a soft spot for you. But after... well, I don't think he trusted any of you."

"I can't get over that he kept your secret too," she confides. "You would think being a father himself he would have understood what it was costing Edward."

"He regretted it," I tell her. "Before he died, he told me that he regretted helping me to run away from my problems. He hated Edward for being the married man who knocked his daughter up and then walked away from her."

"But Edward didn't know you were pregnant," Alice defends.

"If he'd come to see me, just once, maybe I would have told him. I waited every day for word from him. I couldn't call the house, or the clinic... he wasn't working anymore. I had no way of contacting him, so I waited for him to come to me. He never did."

She looks at me, and I hate the pity in her eyes because I feel it inside myself. Even though it was me, I still feel sorry for that girl with the broken heart.

"He and Irina went to Seattle for a while. She insisted," she says quietly. "Dad said it would be best if none of us contacted you so it could all blow over." She looks at me beseechingly. "I was hurt, Bella. I couldn't bring myself to talk to you, and I felt a loyalty to my family."

"We've both apologised," I say, weary of it now. "We're back to raking over it, let's just drop it?"

She nods sadly as I go inside.

I find Jacob still in the garage marvelling at the cars. Edward is at my side as soon as I enter, and I can tell how much he wants to pull me into his arms because I'm aching for the same thing.

Emmett is opening car doors and letting Jacob scramble inside while he answers his questions. He looks up and winks at me, and I smile back.

"How did it go with Alice?" Edward whispers, brushing his knuckles down my arm.

"It was strange," I say, with a shrug. "We're not back to being best friends, if that's what you're asking."

"Today has been a complete disaster," he says, sighing heavily.

I look at Jacob running around Alice's yellow Porsche. He is smiling widely, and his eyes are bright with excitement. "Not a complete disaster," I say. "But I do want to get out of here."

Jacob leaps into the car, and I hear Emmett explain functions on the dashboard to him. Edward takes the opportunity to pull my back out of Jacob's line of vision. He wraps his arms around me and hugs me tight. "I'm sorry for putting you both through this," he murmurs into my hair. 'I know Jacob wanted to meet them, but I wanted it too. I should have known Carlisle would try to upset us."

I look up into his eyes. "I don't care what he says to us or about us, but I do care when it comes to Jacob. I'm just glad he didn't extend his pathetic attitude to Jacob."

He presses a quick kiss to my lips as we hear the Porche engine roar. Jacob's squeal of delight pierces the air.

"I won't bring you back here," Edward says.

I shake my head. "No. Maybe we can build some sort of relationship with Esme... and Alice, but I don't want Jacob coming back here to be in Carlisle's presence. I know there might be times when their paths will cross but I don't want them meeting on his territory."

The car engine shuts off and Edward lets me go. "Before we leave, I want to make sure Esme's okay. Do you mind?"

I call to Jacob to tell him that we'll be leaving soon, and he immediately sobers. As Edward and I leave, I smile when I hear him asking Emmett to promise that he'll take him for a drive in his Jeep soon.

Rosalie is alone in the dining room.

"All alone?" I ask.

"Alice and Jasper are doing the dishes," she responds.

I sit down beside her. "Edward's gone to see if Esme is okay," I tell her. "I hope he won't argue with Carlisle."

She smiles. "Don't worry about Edward. He can handle Carlisle." She regards me for a moment. "I admire the way you two handled it today." She sips her wine and grins. "Though, I get the feeling if Jacob hadn't been here, Carlisle's innards would be all over the floor by now!"

I smile ruefully. "When Carlisle first arrived, I thought Edward was going to punch him out. I had to stop him."

"Pity." She smirks. "I think a punch in the head or a kick in the balls would have improved Carlisle's manners drastically." She looks thoughtful. "Though he seems very taken with Jacob. That boy is an absolute charmer."

My heart sinks a little. "I'm not sure I like the idea of Carlisle being taken with him."

"Oh, I don't think there's any way Carlisle could turn Jacob's head. He's so loyal to you. I think maybe Jacob picked up on Carlisle's vibe towards you more than you know. He was very quick to credit you for everything Carlisle praised him for."

"I'm glad we met up with you and Emmett last weekend. It's been great having you here," I tell her sincerely. "It definitely made things easier."

She smiles kindly at me. "Have you decided to come to the ball yet?"

"I don't know," I say, shaking my head.

"Good, we'll go dress shopping next weekend," she insists. "In Seattle. We can make a day of it."

"I haven't said I'd go," I protest.

"Sure you did!" she insists with a grin. "If you were going to say no, you'd have done so by now." She stands up. "I'm going to find that husband of mine. I'll call you in the week and we'll make definite plans." She stops in the doorway. "Do you want to invite Alice?"

My amusement at her pushy attitude quickly evaporates. "No," I say, shaking my head. "I'd rather not."

"Okay," she says, unperturbed. "I'll call you."

Jacob comes back into the dining room and asks where everyone is. I tell him that Esme had to go lie down and that Alice and Jasper are doing the dishes. We enter the kitchen to say goodbye, but the room is empty.

When we get to the living room Edward is already saying goodbye to Jasper and Alice.

"Thanks for coming," Alice says to me, stepping forward. "I...um... I hope we can talk again."

I nod, but it's noncommittal.

Once we're outside and Jacob is already in the car, I ask Edward what happened with Esme.

"They were arguing," he says sadly. "I didn't interrupt."

I touch his arm. "We tried."

"Maybe I'll arrange for Esme to come to my apartment to have lunch with us or something," he says, looking at me hopefully.

"I'd like that," I say truthfully. I appreciate that Esme tried her best, and I'd rather meet her again on more neutral ground.

We get into the car, and Jacob complains that he's a little hungry because he didn't get to finish his lunch.

Edward twists in his seat to face him. "Do you like Chinese food?"

Jacob nods and laughs. "Yeah. We live over a Chinese restaurant."

Edward glances at me briefly before turning his attention back to Jacob. "Great! I know a place in Port Angeles; they do the best Dim Sum you'll ever taste. Why don't we catch a movie and then go there for dinner?"

Jacob's face lights up and mine probably does too. It's been a draining day and it would be nice to end it on a good note.

* * *

Even though it's not even nine o'clock when we get back to Forks, Jacob is fast asleep in the back seat when Edward pulls into the driveway.

I open the door while Edward carries Jacob inside.

"Shall I just take him straight upstairs?" he asks, pausing in the hallway.

"Yeah, he sleeps in the big bed. The camp bed is mine."

Edward hurries up the stairs, and I head into the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. During dinner earlier we asked Jacob how he felt about meeting the family. He'd tried to hide his disappointment, but it was clear to see. He told us that he liked meeting them but he hadn't felt comfortable during lunch.

Edward asked him if he'd like it if Esme joined us at his apartment one day for lunch. Jacob seemed to like that suggestion. After that the subject was dropped, and Jacob asked when we'd be going to Seattle again.

I'm leaning against the counter thinking about next weekend. I realise that I'm looking forward to our time together more with each passing week, and when Edward's hands grip the counter at either side of me, bracketing me in – I smile.

"I have to go," he whispers, nuzzling my neck. "It's a long drive."

Even though he isn't pressing against me, I can feel the heat from his body and smell the clean warm scent of him. Arousal arrows through me unbidden, and right in this moment, I hate the side of me that wants to take things slowly.

"Even though it didn't go well, thank you for today," he murmurs, his lips buzzing against my skin. He kisses the base of my neck lightly before wrapping his arms around me.

"Edward," I groan.

"Mhmm?"

"I'm sick of blocking you." I manage a wry chuckle. "But I–"

I feel his smile against my skin. "I can handle it," he whispers.

"Yeah?"

His hands slide slowly up my torso, warming my skin and heating my blood. I expect him to stop, but he doesn't. He boldly cups my breasts in his hand and squeezes them lightly, eliciting a low moan from me.

"Yeah," he insists, thumbing my nipples. "You wanna know how?"

Before I can answer his tongue flicks out and it feels like a bolt of lightning on the pulse point in my neck. "Yes," I gasp.

He moves closer still, and the thick ridge of his erection presses into my behind and my lower back. "I've tasted you already," he rasps. "I've touched, licked and felt every inch of your body. I've felt you come on my tongue and pulse around my cock." One hand lowers and grips my hip as he pulls me hard against his hardened cock. "I've buried myself so deep inside you, I didn't know where I ended and you began." His lips blaze feather light kisses up my neck until his teeth graze my earlobe. His breath is hot and heavy. "So I know you're worth waiting for, baby." He sucks my earlobe into his mouth before letting go. "I have those memories to keep me warm at night – now that I can allow myself to dwell on them."

"You're a wicked man," I whisper. "Leaving me in this state."

His chuckle is low and throaty as his hand slides up my thigh and brushes the apex. "I'm sure you can think of some way to relieve the tension."

"I share a room with our son," I point out.

His hand snakes up my torso and he tilts my chin back. Clamping his mouth to mine, he kisses me thoroughly, before pulling back and gazing into my eyes. "I noticed you have a removable shower head." He grins.

Electricity zings through me at the long buried memory his words recall. I swat his arm playfully, but his gaze is unwavering. "I'm being serious. I'd love to take you upstairs right now and use it on you. It's been so long since I've had the pleasure of seeing you come."

My breaths shorten as his finger slides languidly along the seam of my jeans, right between my legs. He lingers briefly at the centre.

"Edward," I plead.

In answer he presses his lips firmly to mine and slides his tongue into my mouth. Drunk on lust, I grip him tightly when he lifts me onto the counter and forces my legs open. He steps between them and grinds himself forcefully against the very part of me that aches for him.

"You remember how good it was, don't you?" he groans into my mouth.

"I gave up trying to forget," I admit sadly.

His kisses become tender as he pulls me close against his chest, gazing down into my eyes. He stares at me for the longest time with reverent eyes, while his hand smoothes over my hair and gently down my cheek. "I don't know how I was ever able to walk away from you," he whispers. "It hurt so much." He squeezes his eyes shut, and an expression of utter shame sweeps across his face. "I can't even imagine how much worse it was for you." When his eyes open again they are filled with apology. "I know I won't ever be able to make it up to you – but I'll never stop trying."

Hot tears prick my eyes as I press my finger to his lips to silence him. He kisses the tip, and his own eyes shimmer.

"I wish I didn't have to go," he says quietly. "I just want to hold you all night and never let you go. We never had that."

The dam breaks and he holds me while I cry in his arms. His words are all I've ever wanted to hear, and I'm sure my reaction to them is borne of relief – but it hurts just the same.

He pulls my legs tight around his waist and lifts me gently off the counter. I press my face into his neck as he carries me to the living room and lays me on the couch. I expect him to stand up, but he lies down beside me, cocooning me in his arms.

"It's getting late," I say, worried that he has such a long drive in front of him.

"I don't care," he insists. "I'm not ready to go. I'll leave in the morning before Jacob wakes up."

I snuggle against his chest enjoying the comfort of his embrace. He presses his lips to my temple and I look up into his eyes. "You're all I ever wanted," I whisper.

He pulls me tighter into his chest and buries his face in my hair. "I'm yours," he vows. "If you'll have me."

* * *

Thank you for reading

Kat


	25. Chapter 25

**There may be a slight trigger in this chapter where Edward talks about his deceased daughter. It's only a small portion of the chapter but I thought I should warn in advance.**

* * *

By the time Friday swings around again, I'm eager to get to Seattle. Last Sunday, Edward and I spent the entire night snuggled tightly together on the couch. It shouldn't have been the most comfortable night I'd ever spent, but it felt good to have him there holding me. His watch had disrupted our bliss at six, and he'd spent a good half hour cursing the fact that he had to leave.

He'd been in no hurry to do so – spending time lavishing me with sweet lingering kisses, and making me promise to come to Seattle today. It wasn't until after he left that I'd started to think that Jacob could have woken up during the night and found us like that.

However, despite knowing that we had taken a big risk, I couldn't find it in myself to worry about something that hadn't happened. I was too busy smiling about what _had_. Lying in his arms, I'd felt the bond between us, and I knew I was finally getting there.

_"I'm yours…if you'll have me."_

His words have lingered in my head all week. I've found myself standing at the sink peeling potatoes or washing dishes thinking about them. I was caught in a daze at the checkout in the store while ruminating over them. I've lain awake at night, listening to Jacob's deep, rhythmic breathing while they thrilled me and worried me in equal measure.

His declaration that Jacob and I are his family touched me deeply. However, I still think the road to redemption is long – for both of us. Our relationship has never been allowed to flourish, and we have no way of knowing that it can grow into something that will last.

I worry that what we had was made special because we could never fully have it. Is the idea of being together openly and committing to each other fully better than the reality will be? If I only had my own feelings to consider, I have no doubt that I'd gladly jump in with both feet. I am certain of that fact, because the eagerness I feel at the prospect of being with Edward again is undeniable.

I have a delicious knot of nervous anticipation fizzing in my stomach every time I think of being close to him. It is not unlike the feelings I used to get waiting for him at the meadow, and one moment it makes me feel a little foolish, while the next, I feel like I'm a giddy teenager again.

All of this makes me more anxious than ever that I need to be cautious for Jacob's sake. Lately his little hints about how great Edward and his apartment are have become more frequent. I'd love to tell him that I'm falling in love with his father all over again and that we're going to be one big happy family all wrapped up with a bow, but there is no escaping the fact that Jacob would be devastated if he was allowed to live his dream, only for it to be snatched away again.

I know – as with all relationships – there can never be any concrete guarantees, but it is still too soon to know if Edward and I are strong enough to forgive and forget.

Once again my mind drifts back to last Sunday night. The potency of his words as he described how he can wait for me has not diminished at all. My insides still clench involuntarily when I think of them, and all week I have been assailed by memories that I couldn't allow myself to enjoy before.

The memory of our love making doesn't hurt as much as it used to. In fact, I found myself eyeing the showerhead on more than one occasion this week while his words played on a loop in my head.

"What are you smiling at?" Jacob's voice startles me. I've been so lost in my thoughts, I wasn't even watching for him coming out of school.

"I'm happy to see you," I respond without missing a beat.

He throws his bag into the front, as usual, before climbing into the back seat. "You didn't even see me coming," he points out knowingly –too knowingly for my liking.

"Andy invited me to his house this weekend," he says, leaning on the back of the passenger seat.

"We're going to Seattle this weekend, remember?" I remind him, turning to look at him. "In fact, I've packed our things and we're leaving now."

His smile is bright and contagious. "I know. I told him that, but I said I'd ask if he could come to our house one day after school?"

"Yeah, sure," I say, smiling. "We'll arrange it next week. Now put your seatbelt on."

He removes his jacket first, before clicking the belt into place. I hand him a brown paper bag that contains the snack I prepared for the journey.

He chatters happily in the back while I drive. He tells me about his day and then asks if he'll be able to Skype Renee from Edward's. He's becoming a Skype guru. He called Renee during the week and ended up talking Phil through the process of setting it up. He was giggling like a five year old when they appeared on the laptop screen.

There was an awkward moment when Renee told him she couldn't wait till we were home again. I noted the way his face fell briefly before he masked it. After the call he was completely transparent as he enthused about how Skype works no matter how far away from Florida we are. I resisted the urge to point out that it works from Florida to Washington too.

I laid awake in bed that night thinking about his blatant attempts to sway me and the little frown he'd failed to hide when Renee had mentioned coming home. He doesn't want to go back to Florida, but I don't think I want to stay here. Even though I'm still in love with Edward and want to be with him, I don't know if I can do it here, surrounded by his family and all the awful memories of the past.

The interstate is heavy with rush hour traffic when we reach Seattle, but thankfully the worst of it is heading out of the city, while we are headed in. It's just after six when I press the buzzer for Edward's apartment. His voice sounds gratifyingly eager as he buzzes us in. The elevator doors swish open and I can't keep the smile from my face as Jacob runs at him.

"Dad!" he yells, launching himself at him.

Edward wraps his arms around Jacob, pressing his lips to his head. I hang back enjoying their embrace.

Jacob is carrying his backpack and, after their initial greeting, Edward tells him to go put it in his room. As soon as Jacob is out of sight he lets the door close over a little before pulling me into his arms.

"Hey you," he murmurs, brushing my lips with his own. "I missed you." His lips are soft, warm, and the best thing I've tasted all week.

I kiss him eagerly, enjoying the feel of his arms winding around me as he pulls me closer, hugging me tightly. "I missed you too," I admit, feeling a warm rush of pleasure wash through me.

His eyes sparkle as he looks at me. His smile is endearing, and I wish we could stay like this forever. He risks another kiss, which I indulge in wholeheartedly, before we are forced apart by the sound of Jacob's approaching footsteps.

"Put your stuff in your room, Mom," Jacob instructs. I smile at how he called it _my _room.

I head down the hallway and hear Jacob telling Edward something looks great, to which Edward responds that he's glad he likes it. When I've deposited my bag on the bed, I return to find them in the kitchen.

"Everything is fully stocked," Edward informs me. "We can stay home and cook, or we can go out for dinner. The choice is yours."

"It's been a long day, maybe we should just cook," I say. "And after dinner perhaps we can go out for a walk along the waterfront?"

I look at Jacob. "You have some homework, don't you?"

He frowns. "It's not due in until Monday."

"You said that last night," I remind him. "Go make a start on it. We'll be busy this weekend, so you best not leave it till the last minute," I say, "Dad and I will make dinner."

"Do you need to go help him?" Edward asks, after Jacob reluctantly trudges off to his room to get his things from his backpack. "Or should I?"

I smile gratefully at him. "No. All he has to do is describe a scene from the play he's working on. He'll enjoy doing that and will manage it without our interference."

He pulls me to him and kisses my cheek. He moves to the fridge and starts pulling ingredients out. He hands me a pack of fresh pasta, and I fill a pan with water before placing it on the stove. All the while we are stealing glances at each other. Jacob must have decided to work in his room, because he doesn't come back to the kitchen table as I'd thought he would. The unexpected privacy gets to Edward and me.

He brushes up against me _a lot_ as we move around preparing food. His hands skim my body while his lips find mine often. A couple of weeks ago this might have been too much, but today it's not enough. I'm enjoying feeling like this is natural. For once we're not hurting anyone; it's just us... enjoying each other.

Somewhere amidst our task the need proves too much, and he drags me into the corner beside the refrigerator.

He kisses me thoroughly with his hands sliding into my hair and his tongue gliding into my mouth. "You're so perfect," he murmurs against my lips when he finally breaks the kiss. "I just love being like this with you." He pulls back and looks into my eyes. "Can't we just tell Jacob? I don't want to hide anymore."

My fingers roam the planes of his face as regret burns in my throat. "I'd love to. I promise you. But it's too soon."

He rests his forehead on mine. His breath is warm on my face and my lips tingle with the need to kiss him again. "I'll do anything to make this work, Bella. I'll never give up on you again." He squeezes his eyes shut. "This is not a criticism, but I feel I have to say it." His eyes open and bore into mine. "I'm waiting for you to catch up with me. I'm in this. I'm committed to you, and I won't ever let you down again. I want you and Jacob here with me. I've never wanted anything as much as I want this."

"There are no guarantees," I warn him.

His expression turns cynical. "I thought that too, maybe that's why I didn't fight for you before. But now, I _can_ guarantee you that I won't give up unless you somehow prove to me that you don't want this too. Words are not enough anymore, Bella. I can feel it in you." His right hand slides up my body and rests over my pounding heart.

His kiss is forceful, filled with every ounce of passion I remember from a time when he was all I was breathing for.

His arms tighten, and my breasts crush against his chest. In this instant, there is nowhere else I'd rather be. By the time he releases me I'm gasping for breath, and my heart is trying to pound its way out of my chest.

He brushes his fingers over my heartbeat again. His smile is tender and his eyes catch mine.

_Point taken._

"I wish I could take you out on a date," he whispers against my ear, leaning forward. "I love having you both here, but just once I'd like to spend some time alone with you." He brushes my hair away from my face, tucking a strand behind my ear before he kisses my temple sweetly. "It would be so good to have time to be just us."

I smile at him. "Welcome to parenthood," I chuckle. "I don't know if we'll ever be alone again."

He sighs, but his smile is genuine. "Maybe we could get Rosalie and Emmett to babysit for us one night," he suggests.

"And what would we tell Jacob?"

He looks nonplussed for a moment, but then his eyes light up. "They could take him out somewhere and then we could go on a date. He wouldn't know." His smile turns into a frown, and he rubs his fingers through his hair. "This is ridiculous isn't it?" he realizes with a grimace.

"A little bit," I agree. "But it'll only be for a little while. I just want to get it right in my own head first and then we'll share it with him. We still need to talk some more."

He nods ruefully. "I know."

I place my hand on his face, rubbing my thumb along the rough stubble on his jaw. "Later."

We eat dinner and then I go over Jacob's homework with him before we go out for a walk. Edward takes us down to the waterfront, and I shiver in the brisk breeze.

"Are you cold?" Edward asks, turning way from Jacob who is happily walking in front admiring the boats.

"A little," I admit. "I should have put another layer on. This jacket is too thin."

He rubs his arm along my shoulder a little. "I wish I could wrap my arms around you to warm you up," he murmurs ruefully. "Maybe we should just go back and snuggle up on the couch?"

He says the last part with his lips pressed to my ear. A shiver of anticipation ripples down my spine, and even though I know he's only half serious I nod.

He calls on Jacob, who jogs back to us. "It's a bit colder than I thought," Edward explains. "I think we should head back."

Jacob shrugs. "Okay, let's go home."

Edward and I exchange a glance at his use of the word _home_, but neither of us comments on it.

As soon as we're back at the apartment Jacob asks if he can watch a movie, but it's already late, so I tell him to go get ready for bed. Edward says goodnight to Jacob, and I go into the bedroom to settle him down.

The first thing I notice is that the decor has changed. This must be what Edward and Jacob were discussing earlier.

One wall has been painted dark blue and is dotted with glow in the dark stars. On closer inspection I notice how they are arranged.

"These are proper constellations," I tell Jacob, marveling at them.

"I know," he says, excitedly coming to my side. He starts pointing to some and asking me what they are, but my knowledge is limited at best.

He gets into bed and I scan the rest of the room. The other three walls are pale blue, and I can't recall if that is the color they used to be or if Edward has changed the entire room. Some shelving has been erected, and while it is empty now, I have no doubt that Edward is hoping Jacob will one day fill it. The duvet cover and curtains are adorned with planets, and there is a large world map on the wall above the bed.

I recall the little bit of their conversation I overheard earlier. Edward had asked Jacob if he liked it, but at the time I hadn't realized he'd redecorated for him. I roll my eyes when I see the flat screen TV and Xbox sitting on a unit in the corner. The shelf above them is most definitely not empty. In fact it looks like Edward has bought every game available for the console.

"The room looks great now doesn't it?" he asks, smiling up at me as I pull the duvet over him. "I feel like it's really mine now."

"I guess it is," I say with a small smile of my own. "Now go to sleep. Your dad and Emmett are taking you out for the day tomorrow, so you'll need your energy."

His smile widens. "I like Emmett. I wish we could keep him."

"He's not a pet!" I scold, unable to hide my chuckle. His eyelids are already heavy, indicating it won't be long before he's asleep.

I leave the small night light on for him and close the door behind me gently when I leave. I spot that Edward's bedroom door is open, and when I reach it, I see him standing by his bed removing his shirt. My mouth dries a little as I stand in the doorway watching the muscles flex in his back as he moves.

He turns and catches me. One eyebrow quirks. "Like what you see?" he jokes.

I press my finger to my lips. "Shhh!" I admonish, jerking my head in the direction of Jacob's room.

"Don't stand in the doorway then. Come in," he urges.

"You decorated his bedroom," I say lamely as I step into his bedroom.

"Do you mind?" he asks, pulling a T-shirt over his head. "I just thought he'd like it to look like it's his." He frowns a little. "Maybe I should have let him pick the decor, but I wanted to surprise him."

"He loves it," I confirm. "He likes surprises."

I can't resist the urge to look around Edward's room. It's very plain. All four walls are painted in magnolia. The dark wooden furniture makes it look stark and the whole room has all the warmth and appeal of a monk's cell. I turn towards his dresser and see that there are at least a couple of photographs on it to indicate that someone lives here. However, when I move closer I see what they are.

"Oh!" I gasp, turning away. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be nosey."

He moves to my side. "It's okay; you can look at them," he says. The instant sadness in his voice is difficult to miss.

Not wanting to offend him, I move closer and pick up the first frame. My heart starts to thump in my chest. Her tiny cherubic face is beautiful, but tears spring to my eyes when I take in her deep purple lips. She has a shock of white blonde hair and two sharp white lines lacerate the dark hue of each cheek.

I touch the tiny lines.

"They had to use forceps," he explains, his voice husky with emotion.

I put the picture down. "I'm sorry, Edward. I shouldn't..."

"I understand if you don't want me to talk about it," he says sadly. "But please don't feel like you're prying. She's a part of me... of who I am. As much as it hurts, I need to remember her."

There is another photo. I pick that one up too. Edward is cradling her in his arms, his eyes are wet with tears and his expression is so full of regret and misery I can't hold the tears back.

"I'm sorry. It's not my place to cry but I can't help it," I sob.

I can remember vividly how I felt when I held Jacob for the first time. The overwhelming burst of love I felt that was edged with pride and hope for the future. Despite everything else that was lacking in my life at that time, I'd felt a surge of pure, unadulterated happiness when I pressed my lips to his little head and inhaled a scent so intoxicating it shifted my whole world on its axis. I'd never known anything so potent.

Everything changed... my whole world changed the moment I held Jacob to me for the first time. Looking at Edward's agonized expression, I can't even begin to imagine the full devastating horror of losing a child.

Those first few moments were precious. Later, my hormones played havoc, and I experienced the moments of doubt that I'm sure every new parent experiences. But even the overwhelming enormity of realizing that I was responsible for the wellbeing of another human being couldn't dampen the moments of pleasure. To know that Edward had been robbed of all of that, not once, but twice– under differing circumstances – fills me with overwhelming sadness and regret.

We hold each other tightly. I fight to compose myself, feeling shamed that I'm the one crying. "I feel like there is nothing I can say that won't sound offensive," I tell him, looking up into his eyes. "I want to tell you I'm sorry, but that's wholly inadequate."

"I had big dreams for her," he says wistfully. "We knew it was a girl. I couldn't wait to meet her. Even though I wouldn't be living with her, Irina and I were on better terms by then, and I was looking forward to being a father."

Guilt rips through me, but this is not about me or what I did. I resist the temptation to apologize again for keeping Jacob from him, because I don't want to turn this into being about us – or even about Irina. This is a part of Edward's life that he wants to share with me, and I want to let him.

He looks down at me and sighs. "I'm sorry. You don't want to hear this. I forgot the pictures were there," he explains. "No one ever comes in here."

I grab his hand and hold it to my chest; I can feel his need to talk about her. "If you want to talk about it, then I want to hear it. Talk to me."

He takes the photograph from my hand and looks at it before setting it back on the dresser. When we sit down together on the bed I immediately wrap my arms around his waist. He rests his chin on my head.

"Were you at the birth?" I ask.

"Yes," he whispers, tightening his grip on me. "Irina agreed to let me be there." I hear the slight hesitation in his voice when he mentions Irina's name, and perhaps he feels my slight bristle at the same time.

I listen to the steady thump of his heartbeat as his fingers stroke my hair. A few moments pass before he starts to speak again.

"When the labor started, everything seemed normal. I remember being so excited when they strapped the monitor to her abdomen and we heard the heartbeat again. Everything was progressing as it should, but then..." He raises his hand and I realize he's wiping his eyes. "The heartbeat became a little erratic and then it... stopped."

"You don't have to go on," I tell him, pressing my face into his chest as it heaves.

"It was a blood clot in the placenta," he explains. His voice is scratchy and hollow. "It was just plain bad luck that it had moved to the umbilical cord. A simple scan would have detected it but since it didn't happen until just before the due date, there was no reason to do a scan. If the clot had gone anywhere else..." He doesn't finish the sentence.

The thought of anyone having to suffer that horrifies me. I can't stem the flow of tears, and we don't say anything else for the longest time. Eventually, Edward shifts a little and tilts my chin up.

"I'm sorry if I upset you," he murmurs, pressing his lips gently to mine.

"I want us to be able to talk about anything," I confide. "I don't want you to ever feel like you can't talk to me about your daughter."

I feel his nod as he brushes my cheek with his lips.

"I should put the photos away," he says quietly. "I wouldn't want to upset Jacob."

"If he was older–"

"It's okay," he insists. "I already thought about it. That's why I didn't show you my room the first time you came here. I'll put the pictures in my drawer."

"I'm sorry. I feel like I'm asking you to hide her away."

"You're not asking me to do anything, Bella." He tilts my chin up forcing me to look at him. "This is my decision. It's difficult to explain why I needed them," he says. "I became a different person after everything that happened. Losing her… losing _you_, changed me. I buried the pain so deep I don't think I was even capable of feeling real emotions anymore. I threw myself into work, and over the years I became more and more closed off.

"When I moved in here, I was going through my things when I found the photos. It was like a bomb went off inside me. Everything came flooding back, and for the first time in a very, long time I felt like I still had a heart in here somewhere." He presses our hands to his chest. "I know it sounds crazy, but the feelings I got when I remembered her were the only true emotions I'd felt in years… until you came back."

I touch his cheek. He blinks as if he's coming out of a trance.

He stands up and sighs cathartically. "I could use a drink," he says, pulling me gently to my feet. "Would you like some wine?"

We walk hand in hand to the living room, where I wait on the sofa while he goes to the kitchen to get wine. I take some deep, calming breaths and wipe the moisture from beneath my eyes while he's gone.

He comes back with two glasses, setting them down on the coffee table before slipping into the space beside me. He raises his arm, and I mould myself to his side, laying my head on his shoulder. He fingers a strand of my hair and kisses my head lightly. Cupping his cheek, I pull his head down gently and kiss him softly.

A long, slow sigh escapes him again, and he relaxes visibly. He pulls me onto his lap and kisses me deeply, curling his hand around the back of my neck and tilting my head up so he can gain better access to my mouth.

"I needed that," he says, finally pulling back with a smile.

"Me too," I agree.

"Thanks for listening," he murmurs. "I don't talk about it much." He looks slightly embarrassed. "I didn't mean to go on."

"You didn't," I insist.

He looks at me reverently. "You are so amazing. I don't know how I even _considered_ the notion that I was over you."

I kiss him to silence him.

We sit wrapped in each other's arms, and I feel the tension slowly drain from both of us. After a while he presses his lips into my hair.

"Wanna do something normal?" he jokes.

My brow furrows. "What do you mean?"

He hugs me tightly and pecks my cheek. "I just feel like doing something normal like watch a movie with you," he clarifies. "Something relaxing. I don't know about you, but I've had enough tension for one night."

"You're not going to whip out your porn collection are you?" I laugh.

He chuckles. "Please do not mention _that_ DVD. I almost died when Jacob brought it up at lunch."

"What's the story behind it anyway?" I ask. "I mean, you kept it in your collection." I eye him curiously. "You don't have a thing for nurses do you?"

He rubs my hip. "No. But if you donned a sexy nurse's outfit, I doubt I'd complain." His hand warms through the material of my trousers as his fingers gently squeeze the top of my thigh. "The reason behind giving me the DVD didn't have anything to do with nurses specifically. It was just Emmett's way of ribbing me."

"For what?"

"He thinks I'm too stiff," he chuckles and rolls his eyes. "Or rather, not stiff enough in some areas. I'm all work and no play. I hardly date, and this was his way of telling me to lighten up."

The mention of stiffness has me squirming a little in his lap. "So you watched it then?" I venture, trying desperately to keep my tone light, when the thought arouses me a little.

He nuzzles my neck. "Yeah, of course I did." His laughter rumbles in his chest. "Wanna watch it with me?"

He kisses his way up my neck until he reaches the soft flesh beneath my ear. "I'm just teasing," he whispers.

"I like it," I whisper back.

He looks up into my eyes and grins. He sits up, adjusting me on his lap until I'm straddling his hips and looming over him. He cups my face in his hands. "I really enjoyed sleeping with you last Sunday," he whispers. "Come to bed with me?"

"I can't," I moan, pressing my forehead to his. "Jacob might wake up."

"When was the last time he woke up in the middle of the night?" he asks.

"I can't remember. I think he did around the time we were due to meet you," I say, trying to thinking back. "He usually only does it if he's anxious about something."

"I know I was teasing you, Bella, but it's not about sex. I really want to hold you in my arms again. I haven't slept that well in years."

I chuckle. "So you're using me as a comfort blanket?"

"More like a hot water bottle." He grins, planting a quick kiss on the tip of my nose. "I'll set the alarm so you can go to the other room before Jacob gets up. If we hear him during the night, I can go check on him and he'll think you're in the other room."

"Let me go get changed," I say, sliding off his lap. He follows me, and when I reach the bedroom door I turn to find him directly behind me.

He reaches around me and opens the door before backing me into the room. His lips cover mine before I can protest, and he starts to undo the buttons on my shirt. "Edward," I gasp when I manage to break the kiss.

His fingers carry on working. "I know," he murmurs. "I'm not going to make love to you..." He glances at me wickedly. "Unless you beg me to." His gaze returns to his fingers which are expertly undoing each button. "I just want to enjoy you a little bit."

His clear arousal ignites my own. "Lock the door," I order.

His small grin is just a little bit smug, but utterly inviting as he obeys. Turning back to me, he slides my shirt down my arms while his eyes feast on my lace demi-cup bra. "Beautiful," he groans, tracing my collar bone with his fingertips. His touch is exquisite and goose bumps spring up wherever his skin makes contact with mine.

He leans down, tilts my neck and laves his tongue across the skin where his fingertips touched. His face tilts slightly and he sucks gently on the base of my neck while his fingers release the button on my jeans. Falling to his knees, he drags the denim down my legs and helps me pull my feet free.

Rocking back on his heels, he stares at me. I feel suddenly vulnerable standing in my underwear, but it is only fleeting because he presses his face to my belly and inhales deeply. "You smell so good," he groans, sliding his hands slowly up the length of my legs. His long fingers curl gently around the back of my thighs, and he looks up at me with lustful eyes. "I can't wait to taste you again."

Maintaining eye contact, he rises to his feet slowly. "Where do you keep your pajamas?" he enquires, surprising me.

Unable to form a coherent sentence, I merely point to my bag on the bed. He leaves me briefly, and I turn at the loud ripping noise of the backpack zip being opened. He pulls my pajamas free and drops them on the bed beside the bag.

Returning to my side, his hands slide up my back and smooth their way to my bra fastening. I can't help the tiny moan that escapes my throat when he releases it. He kisses one shoulder, flicking the strap free with his tongue before repeating the motion with the other shoulder. He catches the bra before throwing it on the bed and turning me to face him.

He gazes at my breasts with blazing eyes, and when his tongue sweeps across his lower lip in anticipation, moisture pools between my legs. I'm not surprised when his head starts to dip, but I am when he captures my lips, instead of dipping lower – as I'd expected. My fingers slide into his silky hair.

His kiss is slow and sensual as he sucks gently on my bottom lip. Gripped with a need I haven't felt in too long – I surrender to it. I want him to touch me, to fondle me and use his mouth all over my body, but he doesn't. He simply keeps up the slow, torturous kisses that taste so heavenly.

"Fuck," he groans, pulling back. "I have to stop before I won't be able to." He squeezes his eyes shut. "If Jacob wasn't in the next room, I'd..." His eyes open and though they are still dark with lust, they are not so intense. There is a tenderness there now as he grabs my pajama top and pulls it over my head. "You better take your panties off yourself," he instructs wryly. "If I do it I'll have my face buried between your legs before they even reach your ankles."

My insides clench at his words, and I'm extremely tempted to tell him to do just that. I hook my fingers into the sides and look up at him, expecting him to turn around.

"I didn't say I wasn't going to watch." He grins, managing to inject humor into his tone. "Take them off."

His demand thrills me, and mustering up every ounce of self-confidence I possess – I slide my panties slowly down my thighs, letting them fall to the floor.

His eyes arrow straight to my exposed pussy, and I start to shake with anticipation as he steps closer.

He cups my breast with one hand while the other skims over my behind. "You are so beautiful," he murmurs, his lips vibrating on the corner of my mouth.

The sheer pleasure of having his hands on me gets to me and my last shred of hesitance deserts me. "Let me see you," I demand, tugging at his jeans. He brushes my hands away and undoes them himself. He pulls them roughly down and my eyes are drawn to the tiny wet spot on his boxers, right at the tip of his erection.

I reach for him, but his hand clasps my wrist like a vice. "Bella," he whispers hoarsely. "Don't start something you can't finish. I said I'd wait till you're ready, but I'm only human – you're killing me."

He leans behind me and reaches for my pajamas. I appreciate how patient he is being, and it shocks me to find that I don't want to stop. To repeat his words from earlier – I want to enjoy him a little bit.

Without a word, I slide my fingers along the waistband of his boxers. His stomach muscles tighten as he inhales sharply. "Bella," he warns, but I ignore him. Slowly, I pull his boxers down. My eyes drink in the sight of his smooth skin as I expose it. The thin line of hair that leads downwards from his navel is my main focus, and it spreads out as I lower the shorts further. I can't resist rubbing my thighs together when his cock springs free.

It is long, thick and hard. I swallow thickly as I watch it bob slightly.

"Jesus, Edward. I forgot how fucking sexy you are," I rasp, my voice harsh with lust. My eyes dip and widen. "You shave?" I ask with a grin.

"It feels better," he insists. "Do you like it?" His voice is thick with arousal, but I catch a slight hint of mirth in his tone.

"Very much," I admit.

He glances down between my legs. "We should do you." He winks.

While I keep myself trimmed and wax my bikini line, I've never gone bare before. Looking down at him again, I begin to imagine it might be more sensitive with less hair.

I step close to him and run my fingertips over the smooth skin covering his balls, to test my theory. His face contorts in pleasure just from the lightest touch and tells me all I need to know. His skin feels so soft and I let my fingers travel languidly up the length of his shaft. The sensation is reminiscent of warm silk beneath my fingers.

The soft, pleasurable moan that bubbles in his throat empowers me.

"I've never tasted you," I remind him.

I remember wanting to give him head, but it wasn't something we got round to. I've never felt the same desire to do it for anyone else, and so at twenty-eight years old, I've never given a blow job. I can only surmise why I suddenly want to do it now. I can't have sex with him because Jacob might hear, and I don't want to leave him frustrated either... but it's more than that. I want to have the power over his body for once.

"Bella," he groans as I slide to my knees in front of him.

"Shhh!" I scold, running the tip of my thumb over the wetness at his tip.

I stare at his cock, wondering if I'll be able to make it good for him. The familiar musky scent of him is strong, causing my nipples to tighten just from the smell of him.

I grip his shaft gently and stroke him a couple of times. His fingers flex at his sides, making me smile. I lean forward before I lose my nerve and lick slowly up the length of him. The sensation of my tongue gliding over the rigid flesh is exhilarating.

Reaching the tip, I boldly sweep my tongue around it. He jerks when my tongue dips into the valley right in the centre. I taste the bitter, salty tang of his pre-cum. It's not entirely pleasant but not unpleasant enough to put me off.

At last he slides his fingers into my hair. Gently at first, but when I cover the tip fully with my mouth and slide lower, they tighten and grip harder. Going on instinct alone, I apply suction, which – judging by the way he swears softly under his breath – he seems to enjoy. I can't resist the urge to look up, and when my eyes meet his, his cock jerks in my mouth.

"Fucking hell!" he groans, straining to keep his voice low.

I suck harder and pull back, his hips jerk again and his cock springs out of my mouth with a wet pop. "Is it okay?" I ask.

"It's perfect," he murmurs.

Encouraged by his words, I grip him more firmly and take him into my mouth again. I use my tongue and lips to work his iron-hard flesh. His hips start to rock which causes him to slide deeper into my mouth. I gag once when he hits the back of my throat, but I adjust the position of my hand to prevent it from happening again.

Hearing his soft moans and grunts of pleasure thrills me, and I'm surprised to find I'm enjoying this almost as much as he is. He sweeps my hair away from my face and asks me to look at him again. His cheeks are flushed and his tongue keeps darting out of his mouth to wet his lips. Seeing him so devastatingly beautiful in arousal causes me to moan, and his eyes roll back.

"Oh Jesus," he rasps. "You're so good, so fucking good..."

His hips start to buck, and I realize he's close to coming. I start to panic a little. I'm not sure I'm ready to let him come in my mouth, but I don't want to pull back and ruin it. Thankfully he takes the decision for me, and with one last jerk, he pulls himself from my mouth – and with a string of grunted expletives – comes all over his hand.

He yanks his shirt off and cleans his hand, before sagging to his knees and pulling me into his arms. "You are amazing," he pants. He tilts my chin up and kisses me.

"I didn't want to leave you frustrated," I admit.

He peppers soft kisses up my neck. "Oh, I'm definitely not frustrated now." He cups my face in his hands and lavishes me with kisses. "What about you? Let me take care of you." he offers as his hands start to drift lower.

Even though I'm still unbelievably turned on, all I want to do is get into bed with him.

"I need to check on Jacob," I say ruefully, shaking my head. "I think we were a bit loud."

I quickly put my pajama pants on and dash to Jacob's room. I sigh with relief when I see that he is still fast asleep. Edward looks in over my shoulder, sliding one hand around my middle before leading me to his room.

I sit on the edge of his bed and watch as he strips down completely. His body is still tight with muscle and it's clear that he's taken good care of himself over the years. His abs are well defined, and I love watching the way his muscles flex and stretch as he moves. I've never been this intimate with anyone else. The few times it happened it was always furtive, hushed sex in the dark.

I never wanted to look at him. I never wanted him to look at me. I realize now it's because there was no love there. I never wanted that bond with anyone else.

He opens the door to his adjoining bathroom and washes his hands. I banish all thoughts of the past from my mind and concentrate on his wonderfully firm ass instead. He comes back in and my eyes fix on his cock again.

His chuckle forces me to look up at his face. "If you're finished ogling me, you can get in," he says, motioning towards the bed.

I pull back the covers and lie on my side with my head propped on my hand while he puts on clean boxers and a T-shirt. He tells me he'd love to stay naked but since Jacob is around he doesn't want to risk it. I ruefully agree.

He slips in beside me and immediately hauls me into his arms. "I'm sorry about all the heavy stuff earlier," he whispers, kissing my temple.

"Don't apologize," I insist.

"Thanks for letting me talk about it," he says. "I hope it wasn't too much for you."

I snuggle closer, pressing my lips to his neck. "I wanted to hear about it, Edward. I want us to get back to where we used to be. When we used to tell each other everything – I've missed that."

It occurs to me that we probably lost it as soon as we started our affair. If we'd managed to keep the level of honesty we'd had as our feelings blossomed, we might have been strong enough to see it through. But I say nothing of this to him; I've had enough regret for one night.

"Me too," he murmurs.

"This is nice," I purr as he wraps his strong arms fully around me and our legs entwine.

His nose burrows into my hair, and his breath heats my scalp. "I could get used to this," he admits.

"Well, I don't know if you'll get a blow job every time," I giggle.

He tickles my sides a little and covers my joyous yelp with a kiss. "Goodnight," he chuckles, pulling me in tight again.

A long, contented sigh relaxes me as I whisper goodnight back to him.

* * *

**When this chapter was originally posted the photograph part caused a little bit of a stir. Part of that was from personal experience and it taught me that it's not always good to put personal experience into my work. And just to be clear, it wasn't me who lost the baby, but someone close to me.**

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	26. Chapter 26

A high pitched beeping noise permeates my subconscious, and I wrinkle my nose in annoyance. In my semi-sleeping state I'm at first only vaguely aware of the warm arms wrapped around me. They flex a little, and I sigh contentedly – enjoying the simple pleasure of waking in his arms.

His warm enticing scent fills my nostrils as I turn and press my face into his chest. His fingers splay out on my back, and when his leg slides a little higher, I realise our legs are still entwined. We've barely moved in our slumber.

One arm pulls back and I rue the loss of contact as I my eyelids flutter open to see him pressing a button on his watch.

The beeping stops.

He looks down at me and smiles. "Morning," he greets me happily. "Did you sleep well?"

He's never looked more alluring: all sleep rumpled and pleased as punch to see me. His eyes are puffy, his cheeks flushed and his smile sexy as all hell.

With my head nestled on his arm, our faces are mere inches apart. "I did thanks," I respond, covering my mouth with my hand. "Morning breath," I explain when he tries to pull my fingers away from my mouth.

"I'm sure I have a spare toothbrush," he says, pulling me with him as he sits up. "I bought a two pack, the other one must be in the drawer."

"It doesn't matter; I'll brush my teeth later."

He successfully pulls my fingers away. "I don't mind your morning breath," he murmurs. "I fully intend to kiss you. So if it makes you feel uncomfortable, you better brush your teeth right now."

I realise that his morning breath doesn't bother me either, so I relent with a quick condition. "No tongue."

He smirks as his head dips.

His hands roam across my back beneath my pajama top as he kisses me several times. His fingertips feel like pure electricity on my eager skin. He starts to move his hips towards me as the kiss deepens. Shivers run up my spine and my scalp starts to prickle with tiny shocks of pleasure.

My insides are liquefying, and I'll be about ten seconds from self combustion if I don't keep a grip on myself. But it is Edward who groans with frustration, pulling back a little. "You should get back to your room," he mutters with a sharp sigh. His eyes hold mine. "Not that I want you to." His hand slides up into my hair. His kiss is fierce. "I never want that. As far as I'm concerned _this_ is your room. I want you to sleep in here with me every time you're here.""

Still sleepy and riding the buzz of waking up with him, I find myself agreeing. "Soon, we won't have to hide from Jacob," I blurt out, surprising myself.

This pleases him, and he kisses me again. And again. It takes great effort to stop.

"But for now, we still have to be careful," I warn him. "So I'm going back to m– the other room."

He doesn't relinquish his grip on me until I'm fully out of the bed, and even then he brushes my fingertips with his soft lips.

I slip quietly out of the room and steal one last glimpse of him. He looks relaxed and happy leaning back against the pillows, his bare chest daring me to run back to him and kiss him all over, but I manage to resist. I pad across the hallway, glancing guiltily at Jacob's closed door. I climb into the cold bed, already missing Edward but unable to keep the foolish grin off my face.

I'm surprised that I have found a certain satisfaction in enjoying Edward secretly. Jacob is our only concern, and because of that, there is a sense of comfort to be had in the knowledge that we are tentatively moving forward without risking hurting our son.

"Mom?"

My eyes snap open to find Jacob standing beside the bed. I blink a few times to get my bearings, and realise that I've managed to fall asleep again. "Morning, sweetie," I say, sitting up.

"Dad sent me in to wake you. He said Rosalie and Emmett will be here in an hour."

I take in his dressed state before consulting my watch. "It's ten o'clock!" I exclaim. "I never sleep this late."

"Everything's better here," Jacob says, smiling. "Even the beds are comfier." I roll my eyes at his blatant attempt to sell living with Edward to me. But it's hard not to find amusement in it. "Give me a hug," I request.

He bends into my arms and I squeeze him tight, kissing the shell of his ear. "I love you, sweetie."

"Love you too," he responds, squeezing back. For once he doesn't complain that I've reverted to calling him sweetie.

He straightens and looks at me curiously.

"What?" I ask.

He shrugs. "You look happy."

"I am," I tell him.

Thirty minutes later, I enter the kitchen tying my hair – which is still damp from my shower – into a messy bun.

"I'm just showing Jacob where Emmett and I are taking him today," Edward explains, looking up.

I peer over Edward's shoulder and suppress a smile when he deliberately backs up so that my chest is pressed against his back. His hand slides backwards beneath the table and caresses my thigh. Somehow I manage to resist wrapping my arms around his waist. "Go Karting?" I squeak, before clearing my throat and saying it again.

Jacob looks up at me, delight shining in his eyes. "Isn't it great? I can't wait!"

"Are you sure it's safe? Is he old enough?" I ask Edward, stepping backwards.

"Don't worry," he answers, straightening. "It's quite safe and he's old enough for this one. I checked it out." His tone is somewhere between amusement and gentle admonishment.

He turns to face me and smiles fondly, but when he leans forward as if he's going to kiss me, my eyes widen in warning. He catches himself, then smirks a little and mouths the word 'oops'. Thankfully, Jacob is so engrossed in the leaflet that he doesn't notice the near miss.

"Are you still taking him shopping first?" I ask, looking at Edward. "Or we can all go tomorrow."

Jacob's head jerks up. "For the ball?" he asks eagerly. "Can we buy a suit?"

I told Jacob last night that we could go to the ball and his delight went some way to alleviating my concern about whether I was doing the right thing.

Edward chuckles and looks at me enquiringly.

"Please?" Jacob pleads, laying on the puppy dog eyes.

"Do the other boys wear suits?" I ask Edward.

He chuckles. "Some of them do." He looks down at Jacob affectionately. "Wanting to grow up too fast seems to be a common theme."

Jacob scowls. "I just want to look good," he protests.

I rub my hand over his hair and he rolls his eyes as he jerks away from my touch, embarrassed by me treating him like a child in front of Edward again. "If you want to wear a suit that's fine," I tell him.

"I just need to speak to your mom for a minute, Jacob," Edward says. Jacob looks at him. "We'll be in the living room, okay?"

Jacob nods and goes back to reading the pamphlets.

Bemused, I follow Edward.

He motions for me to sit down, and I do – slowly – keeping my eyes trained on him.

"What is it?" I asked, noting his grave expression.

"I completely forgot last night," he says, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck. "I was intending to talk to you about the ball before we discussed shopping for clothes with Jacob."

My heart sinks. "Is there a problem?"

He sits down opposite me. "After last weekend, I don't want you having any nasty surprises."

He stares at me.

"Keep talking," I instruct.

"I recently found out that Tanya Denali has started dating Rufus Goldman." He pauses. "He's one of the directors at Virginia Mason. He'll be at the ball, and I'm certain that Tanya will accompany him."

"Oh!" I say, ineloquently.

"If you don't want to go, I'll completely understand."

"But you have to go?" I ask.

He nods. "I can't get out of it. I'm a speaker."

"Wait... what about Garrett?"

"The marriage didn't last a year," he says cynically. "Tanya left him for one of her father's associates. It was quite the scandal at the time. Since then she's been doing the rounds of Seattle's most eligible bachelors."

I regard him for a moment. "Surely you fit that category?"

He throws his head back and laughs. "Thankfully, she hates my guts for..." He sobers. "Well, I guess you know why."

"So there's potential for an ugly scene if I go," I deduce.

He grips my hand in his. "I'd be proud to have you and Jacob there, and honestly we have nothing to fear from the likes of Tanya Denali. She'll still be trying to impress her new beau. I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable like you did last week," he explains. "I want you to come, Bella. But I don't want there to be any unpleasant surprises for you."

I sit back on the couch and let my head drop backwards. I stare at the ceiling. This is what I hate about this place. It's like we can never escape from the past. It's always going to be here lurking around every corner.

I feel his hand warm on my knee. "Bella, I'd love for you and Jacob to come. Please don't think I'm telling you this to put you off. I hope it doesn't, but I don't want you to feel you have to come. You've been through so much already..."

I clasp his hand on my knee and raise my head so I can look at him. "Jacob has his heart set on it," I say quietly.

"We can arrange something else for the following weekend," he insists.

I sigh. "I know, but what's the point of hiding away?"

He looks at me pointedly, and I realise the irony of my words.

He lowers his voice to a whisper. "I want to take you as my partner, my girlfriend." He grips my hand a little tighter. "I don't want to introduce you as my son's mother," he confides. "That doesn't feel right. I know you are worried about telling Jacob, but I think we have to. If you decide to come then I want us to go as a family."

I glance in the direction of the kitchen. "Thanks for warning me about Tanya," I say as quietly as I can. I pause briefly, realising we don't have a lot of time to talk with Jacob in the next room. "If we'd talked about this before I told Jacob we could go, I think I'd probably just say that it's best not to. But, we need to keep moving forward."

His eyes soften, and he looks tentatively hopeful. "So we can talk to Jacob?"

"There's so much to consider," I whisper. "We need to talk about it ourselves first."

He nods and his smile is dazzling. "We can talk tonight when he's in bed."

"Okay."

He pulls me into his arms, and his breath is warm on my neck as he murmurs his thanks.

Emmett and Rosalie arrive at eleven on the dot. Jacob accosts Emmett instantly and drags him in to look at the Go Karting brochure.

"Yeah, I've been there before," Emmett says, laughing. "I went with some friends, though we were so drunk they threw us out before we got anywhere near the karts."

Rosalie glares at him. "That's a nice story to tell a ten year old!"

Emmett's cheeks redden a little. "You know it's not cool to drink, right?" Emmett says to Jacob. "Well, not when you're Go Karting." He leans forward and makes a show of sniffing Jacob's breath. "You haven't been drinking this morning have you?"

"No!" Jacob shouts, laughing hard. He glances at Rosalie. "I'm only _nine_... I don't drink!"

Emmett points two finger at his own eyes before flicking them to Jacob's eyes. "Keep it that way, dude. I'll be watching you!"

Jacob giggles.

"Before we go, I need to talk to your dad about something," Emmett tells Jacob. "It's just a work thing. We won't be long."

Jacob nods his head, but looks like he's feeling a little left out as he watches them leave the room.

"So, you're nine," Rosalie says to distract him. "When's your birthday?"

"April twentieth," he responds.

"In a couple of weeks," Rosalie points out unnecessarily. "Maybe we should have a birthday party for you here?"

"Really?" Jacob's face lights up.

"Um... I don't know if that's a good idea," I tell him. "It's too far for your new school friends to travel. Maybe we should just wait till we get home and we can have one at Nana's like we did last year?" I suggest.

Jacob glares at me. "I don't want to go back to Florida!" he fumes. "I like it here!"

Rosalie's eyes widen. I mentally kick myself. It wasn't a conscious decision to bring up Florida.

He stalks away from me, and when I turn to follow, I see Edward standing in the doorway looking like he's just been punched in the gut.

"I'll leave a key in the door for you," he says quietly. "You can lock up when you leave." His eyes move to Jacob. "You ready to go?"

"Yes," Jacob says, his tone still angry. Emmett grimaces awkwardly as the three of them leave.

"Oh shit!" I lament, sagging onto a chair. "I didn't mean to upset them."

Rosalie sits down beside me. "So you're really going back to Florida?"

I consider her question. Hadn't I only just mentioned to Edward that we should keep moving forward? And yet here I am taking a giant step backwards.

In the last couple of weeks my attitude to everything has been changing. I'm more receptive to the idea of being with Edward, and I've definitely been enjoying the new closeness we've found. However, I still can't imagine settling in Seattle, and Edward's revelation that we will run into Tanya next week is a sharp reminder that there will always be hurdles from the past in our future here.

My head drops into my hands. "I do like being here, and I'm not saying that I don't want the three of us to be together, but, I don't feel like I belong here." I look up at her. "When I mention returning to Florida, it's more an automatic response than a concrete decision to actually do it."

"It's clear that neither Jacob nor Edward are keen on the idea of Florida at all," Rosalie says.

My head drops onto the table with a groan. "I'm so stupid. I just told Edward we'd talk about telling Jacob about us, and then I go and put my foot in my mouth."

Rosalie leans forward. "Why are you worried about telling Jacob? I mean, he's clearly desperate for you guys to be together."

I look at her sadly. "That's the problem. He wants it so badly he'll be devastated if it doesn't work out."

"I know he's a little young," Rosalie begins. "And I'm no expert on kids. But even I can see he's a smart kid. Maybe you should just tell him the truth – you two are fucking crazy about each other."

I can't suppress my chuckle. "Thanks for the sage advice. I'll talk to Edward about it later."

"Good. That's that settled," Rosalie decides, standing up. "We've got some shopping to do; we can stop for a liquid lunch, and you can forget all about your troubles."

I look up at her, grateful to let it drop. "Let's go."

Rosalie drags me around every boutique in Seattle, or at least it feels that way. I also feel like I've tried on a million dresses but so far have come up with nothing.

"I don't like the dark colours you keep picking," she reveals, when I step out of the dressing room wearing a midnight blue satin gown. "You have lovely creamy skin but when you wear such dark colours they make you look ashen." She thrusts a red dress into my grasp. "Try this on, it's more colourful."

I look down at it. "I always end up wearing red." I grimace.

"Just try it," she urges.

I trudge back into the dressing room. Looking in the mirror I can see she's right, the midnight blue dress totally washes out my skin tone. I take it off and step into the red one. It has a halter neckline and is tighter than anything I've tried on so far. I look in the mirror and roll my eyes – in red my skin looks luminous. The difference is striking. Red brings out the natural tones of my hair and brightens the paleness of my skin.

Rosalie whistles when I step out of the dressing room. "Now, _that..._ is a fucking dress!"She grins.

"Holy crap!" I exclaim when I look at the price tag. "I can't afford this!"

Rosalie laughs. "Don't worry. Edward gave me his credit card." She waves it at me, grinning.

My eyes are still fixed on the obscene amount of money they want for the dress. "Seriously Rosalie, I could pay my rent for six months with this kind of money."

She shakes her head. "You're not going to go all proud on me. Look, Edward has the money; he invited you to this thing. Let him buy you the goddamn dress!"

"I have money that Charlie left me. I guess I could use some of that. But it's ... well, it's a shit load of money for something I'll never wear again." The frugal side of me won't be silenced.

Rosalie throws her head back and laughs. "I can definitely see why Edward loves you. You're so fucking different from the gold diggers he usually goes for."

My eyes widen.

She clamps her mouth shut and evades my gaze. "Let's just pay for the dress," she mutters. "And we'll talk over lunch."

The restaurant she chooses is most definitely upmarket. The soft classical music that drifts through the air is only marginally louder than the hushed tones of the patrons.

A handsome dark-skinned man approaches us. He is wearing a tailor-made suit and his smile is professional yet warm. "Hello again, Mrs. Cullen," he says smoothly. "It's a pleasure to see you."

"I don't have a reservation, John," she says confidently.

"That's not a problem," he assures her, before his eyes focus on me. "Two?"

"Yes. Thank you," Rosalie says with a faint hint of smugness in her response.

We follow him as he leads us to a table in the back beside a huge picture window that looks out onto the busy street below. Rosalie orders a bottle of wine and two glasses as soon as we are seated, and tells the waiter we'll order our food after he's brought the wine.

I browse the menu and quirk an eyebrow at her. "I thought we were having a liquid lunch?"

She smiles. "Order the soup then."

A statuesque blonde waitress brings our wine and takes our order. As soon as she leaves us I launch into the questions I've been dying to ask since we left the boutique.

"So Edward dates a lot of gold diggers?" I ask, sipping my wine.

She eyes me cautiously for a moment before drumming her fingers on the table. "Okay, so I shouldn't have said anything. It's really not as... well, it's not like it sounds. Let's just leave it at that."

"Oh no no!" I say, shaking my head. "You're always so forthright and straight to the point. You can't say stuff like that and then leave me hanging."

"So out of both statements I made, you've decided to focus on the second one?" she asks cynically.

I think back to what she said. "I know he wants me, but he's never said that he loves me," I point out.

"Oh please... open your eyes! Last week he defended you in front of his whole ... family. He declared you and Jacob as his family. Today, he looked like you'd kicked him in the balls when you mentioned going back to Florida – and if that's not enough – the way he looks at you should make it absolutely clear."

"The way he looks at me?" I ask, confused.

She shakes her head slightly. "I've been in your company barely three times but it's so obvious, even to me." She leans forward and stares straight into my eyes. "When you talk to him, his eyes roam all over your face like you're the most beautiful work of art he's ever seen. His jaw relaxes, like he's drinking in every word you say. When you move around, his eyes follow you. His fucking hands flex and twitch when you're near him, like he's almost overcome with the need to touch you." One perfectly plucked eyebrow arches. "I'm nothing if I'm not observant. I'm a people watcher." She shrugs nonchalantly. "And that man can't get enough of you."

Her words are unsettling in the extreme, but I can't help but ask. "So what do you see when you watch me?"

Her smile is primal – like she has her prey in her sights and can't wait to sink her teeth in. "The same thing!" she says knowingly. "You do this thing where your eyes dart to his all the time. No matter who's talking, it's only him you see. It's like there's this little bubble around you and Jacob is the only person that permeates it. Whenever Edward makes eye contact, you immediately glance at Jacob as if you're worried he'll catch you. Like I said earlier – he's a smart kid; he can see it just as well as we can."

"We?"

She sniggers. "Oh Emmett and I have had many a conversation about you two." She lowers her voice. "When you two finally fuck..." She suddenly pulls back, spreading her arms across the back of her chair and emits a low whistle. "Fireworks!" She laughs.

I've never known anyone as blunt as Rosalie. I'm normally intensely private about these matters, but her candour brings me out of my shell. "You don't know that we haven't," I challenge.

"Please!" she snorts. "The tension is rolling off you both, it screams of anticipation."

I feel the heat in my cheeks instantly, and it's not entirely caused by embarrassment.

Rosalie picks up her wine glass and gulps from it deeply. "I said to Emmett, we should try to go a month without sex," she confides, laughing. "With all the sexual tension swirling around you two, it got me thinking that letting it build could be a good thing."

I gulp my own wine and stare at her. "What did he say to that?"

Her laughter rings out and a few people turn in annoyance. "Emmett can barely last a DAY without sex. Since he started having to go out of town he has developed a great phone sex technique, but I swear one of these days he'll come home with blisters on his palm. No. Going a month without sex would kill him." She leans forward conspiratorially. "And it would probably kill me too," she adds in hushed tones.

This time it is my laughter that annoys the other diners.

"I don't think I've ever met anyone like you," I admit pleasantly. "Nice job by the way."

Her brow furrows in confusion. "On what?"

"Sidestepping my original question," I elaborate. "But I still want to know. Am I going to run into dozens of his ex conquests at the ball?"

"Functions like that are practically the only time Edward dates," she says, sobering slightly. "He goes for the same type all the time: Blonde, vacuous and completely devoid of personality. To be honest I don't know where he finds them. Maybe he hires them, I–"

"Surely not!" I gasp.

She shakes her head. "I was being sarcastic Bella. I doubt Edward would need to hire someone to let him buy her a trinket and take her to a fancy party."

My heart sinks, and she glares at me, apparently seeing something in my expression which reveals my inner state.

"Oh don't you do that!" She sighs. "Don't start doubting him."

"I'm trying not to," I tell her. "But I feel like... well it feels like I don't know _all _of him. He's led this different lifestyle for the past ten years. I honestly don't think I can fit into that kind of life – it's just not me."

Her smile is warm but sympathetic. "Are you being deliberately obtuse, Or are you really just not very bright?"

"What?"

"He's been dating women who are the opposite of you." She eyes me warily. "And I hate to bring this up... they are very much like his ex-wife. Why do you think that is?"

"I don't even want to think about that," I grouse.

"If they remind him of Irina there's not a prayer he'll fall for them," she says.

"That doesn't make any sense. Just because a woman has blonde hair," I look at her pointedly. "It doesn't mean she'll remind him of Irina... and why wouldn't he want to fall for someone?"

"Because he never got over you... and maybe he can't face another broken heart." She empties the last of her wine from the glass before refilling both. "Of course this is all supposition on my part. You're right, looks have nothing to do with it... but this is Edward we're talking about – the Edward I know never digs any deeper than the surface."

Her words resonate within me. I had no choice but to dig beneath the surface. I've always had Jacob to consider in the rare times when I allowed myself to try to find someone to take away my aching loneliness. No man ever matched up to the high standards I was looking for. I always managed to find an inadequacy in them... the main one was always that they weren't Edward. I know that now.

"How come you know so much about it?" I ask.

"Because until you came along, I always thought he was just a cold, unfeeling asshole. I see the change in him, and Emmett said this is how he used to be."

"Has he really been that bad?"

She nods gravely. "He's always been so distant. He and Emmett have a good relationship, but other than that he's always been... uninterested in anything. Seeing him so engaged with you and Jacob... the difference is like night and day."

Two bottles of wine, a long conversation about men, and a half-eaten entree later – Rosalie pays the bill and practically drags me giggling out onto the street.

"Underwear!" she announces drunkenly, gripping my collar and marching me along the busy sidewalk.

"What?" I ask, feeling woozy from too much wine and not enough food.

"You need something hot to wear under that dress!"

She doesn't break stride, and I fear I might fall in my graceless attempts to keep up with her.

We jostle our way through, bumping people right, left and centre. Rosalie glares at anyone who dares to complain as she practically drags me in her wake. I can't help but giggle at this strong woman who isn't intimidated by anything.

"Here we are," she announces, triumphantly slapping her hand against a glass door and pushing with all her might. I stumble inside.

With enviable poise and an expert eye, Rosalie strides through the aisles thrusting scraps of material into my reluctant grasp. I feel satin, lace, silk and something suspiciously akin to leather while my eyes register every colour of the rainbow.

She leads me to the dressing rooms cackling about how visual men are.

"Try them all on," she demands, dropping into an overstuffed leather chair that is situated in front of the dressing booths.

I look down at the many garments in my hands. "Isn't it unsanitary?" I ask, grimacing at them.

She flutters a dismissive hand at me. "They have plastic on them."

I look down again. "Yeah, but what if someone else has... been bare against the plastic?"

She giggles hysterically. "Ewwwww! I've never thought of that. Okay... leave the panties! Oh God... leave the panties!" Her face twists into a mask of disgust briefly before she regains her composure. "It's okay to go where other nipples have gone. Just try the bras and the corsets." Her eyes roam down my body disconcertingly. "You have a nice ass... the panties will be fine!"

"Thank you," I deadpan.

I step into a booth and violently pull the curtain closed behind me. Dumping the underwear on the lone seat, I stare down at it, unable to decide where to begin.

"Lace... black!" Rosalie yells, "Start with black and lace is see through... which is always good."

I roll my eyes.

I root through the pile and pull out a black lacy bra. It's standard fare so I drop it again. Delving into the pile I feel the sensual softness of satin. For some odd reason Edward's words during our brief phone flirt come back to me.

"..._or something that feels soft beneath my touch, like satin._"

My insides clench a little as I hold the garment up. It's a black satin boned corset with a tiny red bow between the padded bra cups. Turning it around, I admire the red silk ties that lace up the back.

"Have you found something?"

I start when Rosalie pulls the curtain aside and steps in.

She takes in my startled state and smiles. "My boobs are bigger than yours," she points out. "Don't be shy. I had boobs that size when I was thirteen, so you got nothing I haven't seen before." She fingers the corset I'm holding and grins approvingly. "Nice! Try it on." She seems to notice my discomfort. "I'll turn around," she says, rolling her eyes before she does just that.

I wriggle out of my top half and pull the corset on. "Um... can you tie it for me?" I ask sheepishly.

Rosalie turns around and looks at my back. "Oh wow! That is so..." she flicks the price tag over. "I'm so buying one of these. It's fucking stunning, Bella."

"Will you just tie it?"

"Sure, Miss Bossy Pants!"

She ties it up, and I finally turn towards the mirror. The boned bodice hugs my ribcage and tightens my waist. The padded cups thrust my breasts upwards, giving me a cleavage that I would never have thought possible.

"Look at the back," Rosalie urges.

I turn my back towards the mirror. It is an arousing sight. The red fastenings weave through the eyelets all the way to the top, making me look like I've been trussed up. The suspender straps are dangling against my thighs and Rosalie mentions getting some sheer stockings.

She rummages through the underwear. "Do they have matching panties... something that ties up the front like that? Emmett would love panties that lace up at the front."

I'm pleased when I find the matching panties are a simple black satin thong.

After I'm dressed, Rosalie makes sure that the sales assistant goes out back and finds us an unopened thong. I stifle my giggle when she starts to complain about how unhygienic the plastic covers are on the underwear.

When it comes to paying she pulls out Edward's credit card. Before I can even protest she shushes me.

"Think about it. He'll be curious to know what you're going to wear. Our Edward is a bit of a control freak on the quiet," she reveals, pressing her finger to her lips as if swearing me to secrecy. "He won't be able to resist checking his account next week to see where we shopped."

She points to the sign above the cash register. "I bet he'll be rock hard all week when he sees a lingerie store on his statement."

With alcohol still emboldening me I scold her. "I'm not sure I like you referring to his..." I hiccup. "rock hard... state!"

Rosalie lets out a very unladylike guffaw while the sales assistant fails to hide her mirth.

Outside the store, Rosalie looks up at the sky. "What time is it?" she asks.

I peer at my watch. "Half past five," I inform her.

She beams at me. "You know... I usually hate this girly shit! I've had to learn how to shop over the years... but you know what I really like to do?"

I shake my head ominously.

She grins evilly at me. "I like to drink and shoot pool."

I gape at her. "I'm not going to some bar with a couple of thousand dollars worth of dress," I say holding up my bags. "And I'm _not_ playing pool.'

She holds one finger up at me as if telling me not to speak. "I'll make a call. Someone will come and get your bags. And then we're going to a bar." She punches a number into her phone and talks to someone called Peter very briefly.

My weak protests prove futile when less than ten minutes later a limousine pulls up to the curb and Rosalie takes my bags from me. She stuffs the underwear bag inside the one holding the dress before throwing them on the back seat.

She pushes me in beside them before sliding in behind me. "Take us to Mac's place, Peter," she orders, and the car glides out into the busy traffic.

I lean back on the soft leather seat inhaling the scent of it as it wafts to my nose. There's a small drinks bar to the left, another long seat to the right and a large screen at the front above the window concealing us from the driver.

"I've never been in a limo before," I say, taking in every inch of it.

"Not even on prom night?" Rosalie asks.

I shake my head. "I didn't go to prom."

Rosalie hooks her arm into mine. "Oh... right. Sorry."

We've only gone a short distance when the car stops outside an old building that looks a little run down. Rosalie swings her legs to the side and tells me to get out first. I hear her instructing the driver to take my bags to Edward's apartment before she gets out and stands beside me. I stand on the sidewalk looking at the crumbling exterior of the bar. The paint around the windows is peeling and the black and gold lettering on the sign is dirty and fading.

"McCarty's?"

"It's an Irish pub," Rosalie declares. "A genuine one. It's not one of those lame-assed theme bars... no, this is the real deal."

I turn to look at her. She's impeccably dressed in a tight-fitting lilac top, dark jeans and high-heeled shiny leather boots. Her delicately waved hair is impossibly shiny and her make-up flawless. She looks every inch the girly-girl, _not _a Guinness-swilling pool player.

She moves towards the door. "Rosalie," I grasp her arm, stopping her. "Have you been here before?"

She turns to me and laughs. "I used to live right around the corner," she says, pointing to her left. "This was my local." She swings open the door and steps inside.

I trudge in behind her hoping that I won't regret coming here. The bar is full and noisy and judging by the large groups of men crowding the area in front of a large flat screen, there is some kind of game going on.

Unperturbed, Rosalie shoves her way through the throng and heads straight for the bar. Men turn with scowling faces to complain about receiving a sharp elbow in the back. I can't help but feel amused at seeing their annoyance quickly turning to appreciation as their eyes take in Rosalie's beauty.

"Hey Dale," she half yells at the barman over the noise.

"Rose!" He yells back. "Long time no see." He looks behind her. "No Emmett?"

"Not today," she says with a grin. She hooks her arm around my shoulder and pulls me forward. "This is Bella... my friend. She's new in town."

I nod at the barman and offer him an awkward smile when he smiles warmly at me. "What'll it be ladies?"

"I'll just have a soda," I say to Rosalie.

She ignores me and turns back towards Dale. "Two beers!"

"I don't like beer," I protest.

"Make that a cider and a beer," she amends. "You like cider, right?"

It's so noisy it would be futile to try to argue with her just now so I nod. She pays for the drinks and we're back to jostling our way through the people crowding the bar. She leads me to the back of the room where it's a lot quieter, and I'm surprised that there are quite a few empty tables.

"I'll just have this one, then I should be getting back," I tell Rosalie, accepting the drink from her.

"Sure," she says unconvincingly.

I pull out my cell phone. "I'll just give Edward and Jacob a quick call to let them know I won't be long."

Edward's phone rings out and when I frown, Rosalie suggests that they might be on the kart track by now, since they were taking Jacob to buy a suit first. I leave a message and drop the phone back into my bag.

A loud roar goes up behind us, and Rosalie grimaces. "The game'll be finished soon and hopefully it'll be a bit quieter."

We chat for a while. The noise gradually gets worse but as soon as the game finishes, music comes on and the lower volume affords us the chance to talk.

During our first drink Rosalie tells me the story of how she met Emmett. She started off as a data processor at Cullen Enterprises while she was paying her way through college. After gaining her degree she couldn't get a foothold on the corporate ladder so accepted a position as Emmett's PA.

"So you were his secretary?" I ask gleefully. "I bet Carlisle loved that!"

She roars with laughter. "We both know he's not very good at hiding his disdain." She sobers a little. "I worked fucking hard to prove to Emmett – and Edward – that I could run the marketing division. I know people think I slept my way to the top... and that's their problem." She stabs a finger into her own chest. "I know how hard I've worked – that's all that matters to me."

During our second and third drinks she rambles about how great Jacob is while I incoherently agree and gush with pride at the same time.

By the time Rosalie comes back to the table with our fourth drink, I'm grinning like a fool as I accept it. A mixture of beer and cider sloshes onto the table as we clink our glasses together for no reason other than because we can.

"Do you mind if I ask you something?" Rosalie's words are slightly slurred, but that's okay because I know mine are too. I nod. "How come you don't like the rest of the Cullens... but you're okay with Emmett?"

I take a long drink of my cider which I'm really, really enjoying. "Emmett wasn't around," I tell her. "When the shit hit the fan, he was away at college...so he doesn't count." I reach across the table and pat her shoulder a little more heavily than I meant to. "Emmett wouldn't have ignored me..." I slur. "He wouldn't have let that fucking bastard..." I shake my head against the anger welling inside me. "You know what? Let's not talk about this... we've had a good day... and you have a good man. That's all that matters."

"A-fucking-men!" Rosalie yells as we bump our glasses together again, sloshing more cider and beer on the table in the process.

My head starts to spin a little. "Maybe we shouldn't have had that wine earlier," I mutter. Then I remember the restaurant. "Hey, how come we've gone from fancy restaurant to this dump," I ask her.

She chuckles. "This is _not_ a dump. This is a very good bar," she insists, sounding slightly offended. "I like it here. This is where I come from. Whenever we go out uptown, we always seem to meet assholes from work."

"Oh. I see."

We start to talk about general things. We discuss movies, hobbies and eventually Jacob. Rosalie suggests that maybe one night she and Emmett could have him over to give Edward and me some time together. I thank her drunkenly, and joke that she can have him every night for a week.

A little while later I watch with a silly grin on my face as Rosalie weaves her way to the bathroom after telling me to get more drinks in. It has started to get busy again and the line is three deep at the bar. I've lost count of how many drinks we've had.

I'm wondering whether I should call Edward and ask him to come and pick us up when I spot a familiar face to my left. I stare at his handsome profile. There is something about his strong jaw and his too-wide mouth that jogs a memory that I can't quite recall yet. His deep blue eyes scan my face while I try to place him – and being drunk – I forget to look away under his blatant scrutiny.

His eyes narrow and I can see that he thinks he recognizes me too.

"Riley!" I finally say, holding a triumphant finger up in the air. "Riley..." I hesitate, realising I've forgotten his surname.

He walks towards me and I can tell he has no idea who I am. "I'm sorry, do I know you?" He voices his question politely.

"We met you at the Mariner's game a couple of weeks ago," I say. "I was with Edward."

His eyes widen slightly. "I remember now. I'm sorry, but I've forgotten your name."

"Bella."

"Bella," he repeats, nodding in recognition. He looks around the bar. "What brings you down here?" His eyes are still flitting around the room.

Curiosity gets the better of me. "He's not that much of a tyrant is he?"

His eyes snap to mine. "Excuse me?"

"Edward," I elucidate. "I'm assuming that's who you're nervously looking for?"

His embarrassed smile makes me feel guilty. "Yes, I was," he admits.

"I'm not with him," I blurt foolishly. "Here... I'm not _here_ with him," I clarify hastily. "I'm with Rosalie."

"Mrs. Cullen?" he asks.

"Wow!" I laugh. "Do they _all_ have sticks up their asses at work?"

He chuckles heartily. "I'm definitely not answering that."

Suddenly I'm gripped with laughter.

"What's so funny?" he asks, back to looking nervous.

"She was just telling me she comes here to avoid meeting assholes from work, and here I am doing just that." My hand flies to my mouth when I realise what I just said. "I'm sorry! I don't mean that _you're _an asshole. You're nice... well you seem nice... maybe you're an asshole at work... God knows it seems like it's a prerequisite... but I swear... I'm not calling you an asshole." I sigh heavily, waving my hand dismissively in the air as if it doesn't matter that I just called him an asshole – in a roundabout way.

"Let me buy you a drink," I plead. "By way of an apology."

"You don't have to do that," he smiles nervously.

"Sure I do. What'll you have? Beer? Do you like beer?" I turn to the bar. "Dave! Two beers and a cider!" I yell.

"Um... his name is Dale," Riley corrects.

"Is it?"

He nods. "Why don't you go sit down and I'll bring the drinks over," he suggests.

"If you're sure?"

"I'm sure," he insists.

Back at the table I notice that Rosalie is at the end of the bar talking animatedly with a bunch of guys. It looks like she knows them. She flashes her hand at me indicating that she'll only be five minutes.

"Here we are," Riley says, planting three glasses on the table. He makes no move to sit, and when I invite him to sit down he frowns at the three glasses. He glances over his shoulder at Rosalie. "Maybe, I should go find my friends."

"Wait!" I say, gripping his arm. "I didn't give you the money for the drinks."

"It's okay." He smiles.

"No it's not, because that means you bought me a drink. And I never let men buy me drinks."

He looks at me with confusion etched on his face. "Why not?"

"Because, if you let a man buy you a drink he expects something in return."

He looks a little bemused by this, but then he rubs his thumb and forefinger over his lips in a vain attempt to hide his smile. "I can assure you Bella, I expect nothing in return. I'm not that kind of guy – and besides, Mr. Cullen would have my bal... ass if I did."

I nod my head in agreement. "Okay, I believe you. But next time I see you. _I'll_ buy _you_ a drink."

"It was a pleasure seeing you again, Bella," he says before lifting his beer and leaving.

Rosalie comes back to the table. "Was that Riley Biers you were just talking to?"

"He bought us a drink," I hiccup, sliding her glass towards her.

"How do you know him?"

"We met him after the game... a couple of weeks ago and then I saw him at the bar!" I frown. "I think I called him an asshole."

She bursts out laughing, but then when she looks at her watch she curses. "Shit! It's almost ten o'clock!"

"What?" I gasp, grabbing my purse to get my phone. "Jacob will be in bed," I groan. "Oh no... I have four missed calls from Edward."

"I'll call us a cab... you better call Edward," Rosalie advises.

I wait till we're outside waiting for the cab before I call him.

"Bella, where are you?" he asks as soon as the call connects.

"I'm with Rosalie," I say, trying not to sound so drunk.

"Where with Rosalie?" he sounds stern, but it's difficult to tell if he's pissed.

"Is Jacob still up?" I venture.

"He was waiting up for you but he fell asleep on the sofa," he informs me. "I just put him to bed fifteen minutes ago."

"Shit... I'm sorry Edward... I lost track of time."

"Are you drunk?"

"A little bit," I lie.

I hear his breath on the line. He must be sighing.

"Don't be mad."

"I'm not mad," he replies after a short pause. "I'm just worried. Where are you? I'll send someone to get you."

"No, it's okay. Rosalie has called a cab. I'll be there in less than fifteen minutes."

"Do you have your key?" he asks, and I'm sure I can hear irritation in his voice. "So you don't wake Jacob pressing the buzzer."

"I have it. I'll see you soon."

Twenty-five minutes later I'm closing the door slowly behind me. It shuts with a soft click, but when I turn around Edward is standing behind me and I gasp in fright, letting out a loud exclamation.

"Shh!" he scolds lightly.

I press my fingers to my lips and stumble a little while removing my shoes. He stalks forward and catches my elbow as I try to regain my balance.

He doesn't let go while I tiptoe past Jacob's room and into the living room.

"I'm sorry. Was he upset?" I sit down heavily on the sofa.

"Not upset, but he was worried." He brushes his fingers through his hair as he sits down beside me. "I had to lie to him. I told him you'd called and said you were going to see a movie. I don't like lying to him."

I lean forward, touching his bicep. "It's okay. It was just a little white lie."

He scowls at me.

I grimace and apologise again. "I didn't have much to eat at lunch. I guess the cider went to my head."

His head snaps around. "You've been drinking all day without any dinner?"

"Don't chastise me Edward," I complain. "I'm not a child."

"Okay," he says, sighing heavily. "Maybe you should go sleep it off."

I slide closer, pulling his arm up so I can slip beneath it and press against him. "In your bed again?" I nuzzle his neck, sliding my hand across his chest. "I love sleeping in your bed. With you. You're so..." I look up at him and there is a faint hint of amusement in his eyes. "You're so delicious!" I say.

I kiss his throat. "You smell divine," I murmur, inhaling deeply. My hand trails lower as memories of last night assail me. "You _taste_ divine." I brush my hand over his crotch and squeeze lightly, feeling him stir beneath my fingers.

"Bella," he chuckles lightly. "You're drunk. You'll regret this in the morning." His fingers curl around mine and he removes my hand.

"I've never done that before," I confess, pressing my lips to his ear. "Yours is the first cock I've ever sucked."

He pulls back and presses his fingers to my lips. "Bella, you're not speaking quietly." Then he stares at me, and I can see the question in his eyes. I nod to indicate that I'm telling the truth. He looks... pleased.

My useless fingers fumble with his jeans. "I want to do it again."

He groans lightly and stands up. "I'm going to get you some water and then you should really go to bed."

I huff backwards on the sofa and almost fall off. He clicks his tongue as he darts forward and catches me.

I throw my arms around him. "I don't want water... I want you! Take me to bed."

I smile triumphantly when he hauls me up into his arms, but it fades as soon as he opens my room door and deposits me on the bed gently.

He stoops over me and brushes my hair away from my face. "I think you better sleep in here tonight."

The room starts to spin a little. "You _are _mad at me," I accuse.

"I'm not mad," he says, but the tic working in his jaw belies his words. He looks down at me for a moment before speaking again. "I'm just disappointed."

"Disappointed?"

"We were supposed to discuss telling Jacob," he reminds me.

"Oh shit! I'm sorry... I lost track of time."

"I'll get your water," he says sadly before turning on his heel and stalking out of the room.

I manage to remove one sock before I lie back and let darkness claim me.

* * *

**Since I stole his names, the barman would be Emmett (Dale McCarty) in another universe. ;)**

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	27. Chapter 27

My mouth and throat feel like I've spent the night gargling sand. When I open my eyes the room is blessedly dim, but when I try to lift my head it feels like my brain is trying to smash its way through my skull. I groan a little, starting when I feel two strong hands grip me reflexively.

Scanning my surroundings with one bleary eye, I realise I'm in Edward's room. The warmth enveloping me is caused by his body spooned around mine. His arms are curled protectively around my front and his hands are grazing my sides. His fingers relax again, and his breathing is deep and rhythmic in his slumber.

I squint at the led display of the alarm clock which glows red as it's reflected through the glass of water in front of it. I can only make out a six and a zero. Edward moans lightly when I wriggle out of his embrace and reach for the water. My fingers brush the two Tylenol tablets he has left for me beside the water.

I swallow the pills and chug down half the water gratefully while wincing at the pounding in my head. I manage to slowly manoeuvre myself around so I can face Edward. Even though the light in the room is minimal I can see him clearly. The twitching of his eyelids tells me he's dreaming, while the small smile playing on his lips tells me it's a good dream.

I prop my pillow and lie on my side to watch him. Even though he's still asleep, one hand drifts across the space between us and rests on my hip. He sighs softly and then his breathing returns to its rhythmic state.

Memories from yesterday start to filter back to me. I suppress a groan when I remember how drunk I was when I got home. Edward's words play in my head.

_"I had to lie to Jacob... we were supposed to discuss telling Jacob..."_

This time my guilty groan is out before I can hold it back. I hold my breath as Edward snuffles a little and moves closer to me.

_"Maybe you should sleep in here tonight."_

I remember now that he intended for me to sleep in the other room. Lifting the covers, I look down and see that I'm dressed in pajamas. A small smile touches my lips as I trace the line of his jaw gently with my fingertips, but then I cringe at the fragments of memory that burst through the haze.

I can vaguely remember my drunken attempts to seduce him while he helped to remove my clothes. He indulged me with kisses that I'm now sure were meant only to silence me. I rub my hand down my face in mortification. My mixed signals must be driving him crazy.

I watch him for a while. The warmth of his body, coupled with the intoxicating scent of him all around me is comforting, while I'm enjoying the feel of his warm hand absently caressing my hip. Lying here beside him, it feels like the problems we created for ourselves and the mistakes we made are a million miles away. I am filled with that warm feeling of happiness that I have only ever felt with him. Briefly I imagine that we're back at the start again and we could do it all differently.

"I love you," I whisper impulsively.

As soon as the words are out, my insides clench with the fear of letting go and finding out too late that he's not there to catch me after all. I do love him – I'm certain of that – but I can't deny that it scares me. The feeling of belonging I have in the first few minutes when I wake up beside him... scares me. The sheer force of my joy when I see him... scares me. The need for him that is growing stronger by the day... scares me.

I felt this way about him before, except it _didn't_ scare me then. He was everything to me then, and our brief spell together was the happiest I've ever been. I gave my whole being to him. I surrendered my heart to him willingly, believing that our love could withstand anything. I loved him without reservation and trusted him completely. I believed every word he said and never once considered that he wouldn't make good on his promises.

I felt like I'd found the key to happiness, but when I opened the door it was slammed in my face. I'm holding that key again, but this time I don't know if I should use it. My concerns for Jacob are real, but my fear is not only for his feelings. The painful memories of losing him are never far away. It took me a long time to learn not to dwell on them, but every time I tried to find happiness with someone else they always came back. The pain was always inside me somewhere. It still is.

I love him. That should be all that matters... but somehow it's not.

Frustrated with myself, I let out a sharp sigh and roll onto my back. This serves only to restart the pounding in my head. All at once his arms are around me and he pulls me close. I turn to face him again.

His eyes flutter open and he blinks a few times before he focuses on my face and smiles. "Hey," he rasps quietly.

"Morning." I manage a smile while I trace his bottom lip with my thumb. He kisses the tip. "I'm sorry about last night," I murmur.

"I'm sorry too," he assures me.

"It was my fault. I didn't mean to worry Jacob... or you."

"I overreacted. I knew you were with Rosalie, and when she wasn't answering her phone either, I jumped to the conclusion that you were avoiding me."

"I wasn't. I swear. It's just been so long since I've had a nice day like that..." I pause. "In fact, I've never had a day like that. I never meant to get so drunk."

He scoots up, leaning back against the pillows, and raises his arm in invitation. Accepting, I slide closer and rest my head on his chest. He drapes his arm across my back and squeezes.

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself with Rose." He looks down at me, and his eyes scan my face. "But you look like you're paying for it now."

"Is that your way of telling me I look awful?" I ask. "I'll be okay though, I got the Tylenol and water. Thanks."

He presses his lips to my head. "After I managed to get you ready for bed, you fell asleep again. I tried to wake you, but you were completely out of it."

"Is that why you brought me in here?"

"Yeah. Though I wasn't being completely selfless, I kinda like having you in here." He jokes, but then his face sobers. "I only suggested you should sleep in the other room because you were so... frisky."

"Frisky?" I laugh. "You make me sound like a horse."

His chuckle is low. "I just didn't want you to do anything you would regret this morning." Brushing my hair back with his fingers, he kisses my temple. "Plus, I couldn't deprive myself of the pleasure of sleeping with you."

The tender timbre of his voice melts away my apprehension. The feeling washes over me that I want this. I want to wake up beside him every morning and to know that the glorious pleasure of loving him is mine to have. Seizing the moment, I look up into his eyes.

"I know it's early, but can we talk now?" I ask. "Before Jacob wakes up."

He sits up straight, stretching. "Are you sure you're up to it?"

I watch the muscles in his back flex and elongate. Swallowing hard, I force myself to focus.

"Um... yeah... I feel a little rough, but I'm sure. I don't want to go home until we've straightened things out."

"Alright, I'll make some coffee." He glances down at me. "You could probably use some."

I nod and smile gratefully. "I'll come with you. We should probably talk in the living room in case Jacob gets up."

I have the feeling this will be a long conversation, and there is no point taking risks.

The nip in the air makes me shiver when we reach the kitchen. Edward fiddles with a dial on the wall to turn the heating up, then starts on the coffee while I sit on a dining chair with my knees huddled to my chest.

"Peter brought your bags over last night," he says, keeping his voice quiet. "I put them in the bedroom."

"I should hang up the dress," I say, moving to get off the chair.

"It's okay. I hung the garment bag up in the closet." He glances at me over his shoulder. "And I didn't peek."

"I'll show you the dress," I say with a smile. "I don't mind."

He turns and leans on the counter, folding his arms across his chest. "I think I'll wait till next Saturday. It'll give me something to look forward to."

There is heat in his eyes and pleasure flutters in my chest. But then the effects of my hangover kick in again and I grimace. I move to the refrigerator and take out a bottle of water. I drink so fast some of it dribbles down my chin and I wipe it away with the back of my hand. "I'm never drinking again," I groan, leaning my throbbing head on the cool metal of the fridge.

"I don't do this," I tell him.

"You don't do what?" he asks, setting mugs and spoons on the counter.

"Get drunk and forget all about Jacob," I explain, grimacing.

He stops what he's doing and walks towards me. "I know that," he says softly. "Jacob wouldn't have been worried at all if it was something he was used to." I groan guiltily, but he continues. "Bella, you had a good day out, you had a little too much to drink and blew off some steam. I'm not going to accuse you of being a bad mother based on that, when it's been quite clear all along that you are most definitely _not_ a bad mother."

"Well, I feel like one. It was Jacob's first day with you without me and–"

He wraps his arms around me. "No, it wasn't," he reminds me gently.

_Charlie_. I fight not to dwell.

I sigh heavily and melt gratefully into his tight embrace. "Was he upset?"

His lips brush my temple while his fingers cup my chin, angling my face upwards. "Not upset. Just concerned when you didn't answer your cell. That's why I told him you were at the movies."

"I'm sorry you had to lie," I say. "I hate that I put you in that position."

He kisses my lips. "I didn't like it, but I guess sometimes it's better not to be too honest and worry him." He brightens. "Don't feel guilty, we had a good evening. I was disappointed that you and I didn't get a chance to talk, but I wasn't mad at you. I'm sorry if you thought I was."

He moves away again and pours the coffee before handing me mine. We take it into the living room and curl up together on the sofa.

"What did you do last night?" I ask.

"Emmett came back with us, so the first part of the evening consisted of Emmett showing Jacob Karate moves and almost wrecking the place."

"Emmett knows Karate?" I ask in surprise.

He looks at me a little curiously. "Don't you remember all his trophies?"

I think back and remember that one wall of the living room was almost completely taken up with shelves filled with trophies. "I always thought those were football trophies."

"Yeah, most of them were, but he had a few Karate ones too. Emmett was great at all that physical stuff. He only gave up Karate because he couldn't devote the time to both that and football."

"Yet, in the end he couldn't do either," I say, remembering how Alice had told me his dreams were shattered by injury.

"Emmett's fine. He's a survivor. If one door closes, he'll kick down another one," Edward chuckles.

Somewhere inside me there is a little voice telling me that I should be kicking doors down instead of worrying about keys.

"After Emmett left, Jacob and I played the Xbox in his room for a while. It felt good, you know? Just hanging out with him and taking care of him. He helped me make supper, and he talked to me about Florida." He glances at me a little cautiously when he slips in the last part. I'd almost forgotten about that.

"Oh God, I'm sorry! I didn't mean that the way it sounded yesterday," I say, desperate to explain.

"You do it a lot." There is only a hint of accusation in his tone. "It feels like you already know that you're going back to Florida." He pulls my feet across his lap and massages my calves as if he needs to reassure me physically that he's not mad. "If it wasn't for the lengths you've taken to make this easier for me... I would be thinking by now that you're humoring me until it's time to leave."

"I'm not–"

"Shh." He stops me gently. "I know you're not. But you're not fully sold on the idea of living here with me are you? Is that why you don't want to tell Jacob about us? Because you don't see it happening?"

I cup his cheek in my hand. "I do want to tell him. You're right, we can't give this a chance if we're hiding... but I'm so scared that we'll hurt him."

His face tilts and he kisses my palm.

"I don't even know what to tell him," I confess. "I haven't straightened it out in my own head. We're closer to being lovers than we are to being anything else." He blanches a little. "I'm just being honest. I feel like I could let you into my body far easier than I can let you into my heart..." My voice starts to shake.

The beginnings of tears gather at the corner of my eyes. He removes my hand from his cheek and envelopes it in both of his.

"I know I'm asking a lot of you. I want us to be together, properly. For the first time in our lives we can have what we want." His eyes search mine. "I know what I want. I want you and Jacob with me all the time. I want us to be a proper family." His hands tighten around mine. "I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Making you happy. Is that something you think I can do? Something that you are willing to let me try to do?"

He looks unsure and my heart aches to just take the leap. Out of nowhere I remember Charlie's words, and my heart constricts with the memory of his voice.

"_Don't make the same mistakes I did, Bella. You have to go after what you want, and even if you don't get it then you've lost nothing. But you have everything to gain. Don't be alone. Don't let yourself get to my age and be left with nothing but regrets."_

His words are a timely reminder that living with the fear of another broken heart Isn't really living at all.

"Tell me what you want, Bella," Edward implores, breaking into my reverie. "Tell me how you see our future."

I shake my head. "I'm sorry, Edward. I've just been taking it moment to moment. I haven't really allowed myself to truly consider this."

"You're always so scared," he observes. "That's why I haven't told you my plans. I worry that if I tell you how much I want this it will scare you away completely. "

My head lifts. "What plans?"

He sighs. "I wasn't going to tell you yet, because I don't want to pressure you... and I'm aware I've made you promises in the past that I didn't honour." He looks pained as he pulls me close; his eyes suddenly fill with determination. "Every moment I'm with you, I want to tell you that I love you... because I do... more than I think I could ever convince you. I can't come up with a fancy way to tell you – a special moment for us to treasure – because I don't feel like I have the right. I told you before that I loved you and then everything I did after that said the exact opposite." His lips are millimetres from mine. "I love you, Bella. I did back then and I do now and I'm sure I always have in between. Please believe me. Don't be scared. Let me love you."

He cups my face between his palms. His lips meet mine while hot tears course down my cheeks. "I love you," he chants over and over between hot desperate kisses.

"I love you too," I sob. "That's all I want."

We hold each other for what feels like an eternity. His heartfelt declaration thrills me enough that my nerves take a back seat for once. Mindful of the limited time we have to talk, I manage to compose myself and gather my wits.

"What plans?" I ask again, certain that he didn't just want to tell me how he feels about me.

He takes a deep breath. "I've sold most of my shares to Jasper. I'm stepping down. I don't want to work all the hours that God sends anymore, and I definitely don't want to have to travel anymore. I want to come home every night to you and Jacob... I want to have a life – a real one – with you." His words seem to come out in a rush.

I stare at him while my brain struggles to catch up with his words. "When did you decide this?" I ask weakly.

"Shortly after that day I came to your house for dinner. When Jacob was showing me the pictures of his life, I realised that the happiest days I've had in mine were always with you. Even now, every day I spend with you – and Jacob – is better than anything I've ever known. I want that to be my life. I want to live my life with you by my side. I don't want to work long hours and live in countless hotel rooms. It's empty... it always has been."

I look down at our joined hands. "But what if I didn't... want you?"

"Well, that's something I chose not to dwell on. I always knew it was a possibility... a very real possibility, but I couldn't let my doubts stop me from at least trying."

"It's too soon for us to move in together," I point out. "It would be so much harder for Jacob, to give him that gift and then have to take it away again."

He jaw tightens a little, but I can see he's trying to quell his disappointment. "Okay." He sighs. "I understand that. But it won't work if we live on opposite sides of the country."

I shake my head but it is in agreement.

He sits back on the sofa and brushes his hands down his face. "Okay, so take me out of the equation. What are your plans... what do you want to do with your future?"

"I thought Jacob and I–"

"No," he interrupts, leaning forward. "_You_. Not Jacob's mother. What does Bella Swan want from life?"

His forthright attitude stuns me for a moment. "I still want to be a teacher," I say vehemently. His smile is one of pride. "But, I never had the money to go to college, and... well, I had Jacob to look after, but I haven't given up on it."

"If you move here," he begins. When I open my mouth to protest he raises his hand to stop me. "Hear me out, please." He waits for my nod before proceeding. "If you move here, we could buy a house further out of the city. I can pay for Jacob to go to a good school, maybe one that specialises in drama if that's what he wants to do. You could apply to college... and we can share the childcare between us. It'll be a fresh start, and we can work at being a family."

I stare at him open-mouthed.

"Say something," he urges.

"I can't believe you sold your shares."

"That's what you're thinking about?" He chuckles. "What about the house? School? College? I'm being serious, Bella. We can work it out between us."

I blink away my surprise. "But you've worked so hard to get where you are. Do you really want to give it up?"

"Yes I do," he insists emphatically. "All I want is to have a life with you and Jacob... and travelling all the time and working ungodly hours wouldn't be conducive to that."

I nod, understanding his rationale. But I still think that we should at least be a little cautious. "I still don't think we should live together right away," I admit, watching him closely for his reaction. "I couldn't live with myself if it didn't work out, and I had to take Jacob away from you. Even though you'll always be in his life – no matter what happens between us – it would be too damaging if he lives with you and then I have to tell him we're leaving."

He curls his hand around my neck, pulling my gently forward before his lips capture mine. The kiss is soft and reverent and all too brief.

"As much as it pains me to hear that you think we can't make this work, I guess I understand what you're saying."

I look into his eyes. "I'm not saying that we can't make it work. I'm just being practical. I want this to work. I want to be with you... I'm just being careful." I pause briefly, digesting his suggestions again. "I'm going to sell Charlie's house," I tell him. "I don't want to live there; it has too many memories for me and most of them aren't good. I don't want to live in Forks at all."

I gaze at him. "It won't be easy leaving Florida. Renee and Phil have been good to us. I'll miss her so much."

He brushes my cheek with the back of his fingers. "You can visit her as often as you want, and she can come here."

"I know, but it won't be the same."

"I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do."

"I want to do this," I reiterate. "I can't let this chance pass me by, so let's just focus on the positives."

"I still want to buy us a house," he admits. "I want us to choose it together. I understand that you won't be moving in right away, but I want to buy one that we both like. Then we can rent a house for you and Jacob close by. How does that sound?" His eyes search mine. "Say yes," he urges. The small smile playing on his lips is adorable.

This compromise sits better with me than anything else we've come up with. "Yes."

He pulls me into his arms and kisses me passionately. "Thank you."

When he finally releases me he cups my face, his eyes glittering with happiness. "So we're back to what do we tell Jacob?"

I sigh harshly, swinging my legs to the floor and leaning forward. I bury my fingers into my hair and try to think. After everything we've discussed I still don't know what to tell Jacob that won't have him connecting all the dots and completing the picture of our future within minutes.

"Can I ask you something?"

His voice sounds hesitant, and I glance over my shoulder at him. "Go ahead."

"When you've had relationships in the past." His eyes dart to mine. "What did you tell Jacob?"

I turn away and focus on a point outside the window. "I've always tried to keep that part of my life separate from Jacob. I guess I've always had trust issues."

"So you've never introduced a partner to him?" His voice is quiet, and there is maybe just a faint hint of discomfort in it.

"I have, but I introduced him to Jacob as a friend." I snort. "That went down well with him." Then I remember who I'm talking to. "I think Jacob knew he was my boyfriend, but we didn't ... kiss or hold hands or anything in front of him."

His hand lands gently on my back, and he rubs a small circle on it. "I don't want to hide all that from him," he says.

I turn to him. "Me neither. I guess I should tell him you're my _boyfriend_," I quip, feeling amused by the inadequacy of that word.

My hangover is starting to kick in again, and I'm gripped with the need for more coffee. I stand up and collect our mugs. "I don't think we should tell him all the details yet. Let's just keep it simple. And at least next week when we go to the ball..." I move towards the kitchen. "You can introduce your girlfriend."

"Your _what_?"

I whirl at the sound of Jacob's voice. He's striding down the hallway glaring at Edward.

"You kissed my mom and _now_ you're telling us you have a girlfriend?" he shouts.

"Wait... you saw us?" I gasp.

His face is a picture of hurt when he looks up at me. "Why aren't you mad? I saw you on Friday night when I was doing my homework. I came to ask a question and I saw you both – by the refrigerator. He was..." He stops, turning back to Edward. "I thought you wanted us?"

"Jacob," I kneel before him. "Listen to me. You only heard part of what I said. Your dad doesn't have a girlfriend... well, he does... sort of." I groan, turning to Edward.

"I do want you," Edward insists, joining us quickly. "Both of you." He curls his hand across my shoulder. "We were just discussing how to explain this to you."

Jacob's eyes move from me to Edward and back again. "I don't get it. Mom just said you were going to introduce your girlfriend to us."

"No," Edward says, brushing his hand through his hair. "I want to introduce your mom as my... girlfriend – for want of a better word – at the ball next week."

I take Jacob's hand and lead him to the sofa. He sits quietly while Edward and I try to explain that we're a couple – or trying to be.

"So we're coming here to live with Dad?" he asks when we're finished.

"Jacob, I know we're sort of doing everything backwards. We already have you and we're a family, but... we need to get to know each other again. Do you understand that? Your dad and I have been apart for a very long time, so we need time to do it right this time," I explain.

A tentative smile spreads across his face. "So you're going to start dating and stuff?" he asks innocently.

"Yes," I reply with a nod.

"But you can't do that if we go back to Florida," he points out.

I should have known it wouldn't be possible to keep things simple with Jacob. A very long conversation ensues, where Jacob manages to wheedle all our plans out of us. His delight is both pleasing and worrying at the same time, but I decide to focus on the pleasing part.

At last he looks at me with a knowing smirk. "So you like him now?" he asks.

I look up at Edward. "Yes. Very much."

A little while later we're sitting at the breakfast table while Jacob excitedly tells me all about Emmett's Karate expertise – in an extremely loud voice.

The Tylenol has worn off, and my hangover is back with a vengeance. His every word slams around inside my head like a wrecking ball, and suppressing my groans becomes increasingly difficult.

"...and he said I can have a sleepover at his house one night, so we can practice some moves." He looks at me and apparently notices my lack of enthusiasm. "That would be okay, right?"

"Sure," I say. "If you just talk a little bit quieter, you can have anything you want."

He shakes his head disapprovingly, but it's a token gesture because his excitement returns tenfold. "When we live in Seattle, I'll see Emmett all the time! Did you know he has Karate trophies? He's going to show them to me when he takes me to his house..."

My head thumps against the table as I realise it's going to be a very long morning.

Later, at Edward's insistence, I have a lie down to catch up on the sleep I've missed. Edward also insists that I stay for an early dinner, just to make sure that all the alcohol is out of my system and I'm fit to drive home. I wouldn't have attempted the drive if I wasn't sure about it, but I let him take care of me anyway.

While Jacob is packing his things he, comes into my room. "I'm glad we told him," he says, snaking his hands around my waist and kissing my shoulder.

"Me too," I admit. "I can't believe he saw us on Friday and didn't say anything. That's probably why he was out of sorts yesterday."

"He knows now," Edward murmurs. "And he seems happy about it."

I smile, patting his hands that are clasped around my waist. "I think we all are."

When it's time to leave, Edward comes down to the parking garage with us. As we exit the elevator he takes my hand in his. I notice Jacob's side long glance at the motion, as well as his small smile before he marches on ahead.

"I hate this part," Edward laments as we approach the car. I press the remote, and the car beeps before Jacob opens the door and throws his bag in. Edward continues in hushed tones. "Maybe when we rent you a house, it should be right next door to mine."

I laugh. "Next you'll be telling me you want it to have a secret passage way to my bedroom."

He shrugs, amusement written all over his face. "It's not a _bad _idea."

He turns to Jacob, who is waiting beside the open car door. Stooping to hug him, he tells him he'll call him tomorrow.

Jacob pulls back and looks at the two of us. "I guess you guys are gonna kiss now," he says.

"Get in the car, Jacob," I order lightly.

He chuckles and scrambles inside, pulling the door closed behind him. He watches from the window, and I groan.

"I need to go," I say to Edward.

He walks around to the driver's side with me, and just as I reach out for the handle, he stops me and pulls me into his arms. The kiss is chaste and the hug all too brief. I turn to the car to see Jacob playfully poking his fingers into his mouth as if he's going to puke. I narrow my eyes at him, and he slides back to his seat and pulls on the seatbelt.

"I can't wait for Friday," Edward whispers, trailing his hand slowly up my arm.

I jam my fingers into my hair. "Oh shoot! I forgot to tell you... I can't come on Friday, but I'll come early on Saturday."

He looks disappointed. "What's happening on Friday?"

I feel bad that I'd forgotten, especially after thinking about Charlie today. "Charlie's headstone is being erected on Friday. I'm going with the Clearwaters to see it… visit it... whatever. They invited Jacob and I for dinner afterwards, and I don't want to have to rush away. I won't be seeing much of them soon and..."

He presses a finger to my lips. "It's fine."

"Do you think it would be a bad time to tell them I'm selling the house?" I ask.

"I think they'll understand. I only spoke to Mrs. Clearwater briefly at the funeral, but it's clear that she cares for you deeply. I think she'll understand why you don't want to stay there." He looks at me sadly. "Do you want me to come down on Friday night? I can meet you at the house afterwards."

I shake my head. "Thanks, but I'll be fine. I don't think I'll be good company anyway."

He pulls me into a tight embrace. "That's why I want to be there for you," he murmurs into my hair.

I turn and kiss his cheek before extricating myself from his hold. "I know... it's just... I want to be alone with my memories of him, you know? I'll see you on Saturday... and it's not like I won't be hearing from you during the week."

He smiles. "Okay," he concedes. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

I can't help constantly glancing in the rear view mirror as we drive away. He stands rooted to the spot, watching us leave, and raises his hand when Jacob waves frantically as we exit the garage.

On Monday morning, as soon as I've dropped Jacob off at school, I make the call to Renee.

We exchange the usual greetings and bring each other up to speed on the mundane details of our lives before she finally asks me what's on my mind. She knows me well. She can obviously hear something in my voice that has alerted her to the fact that I have something to tell her.

I'm not worried about telling her about me and Edward, but I am worried about telling her that I'll be leaving Florida. She has been my rock for so long that every time I think about leaving, there is a tiny voice inside asking me why I am.

"I'm ready to sell the house," I say, forcing the words out in a rushed manner.

"You're not coming home," she states. It's a simple fact, spoken without resignation or accusation. Like she expected nothing else.

"I'll have to come home to pack up... and sort things," I argue.

"Are you moving in with him?"

"Not yet," I tell her. "I'm thinking of renting a place for Jacob and me. I'm going to use the money from the house to put me through college."

"Charlie would love that," she says, and I smile when I hear the smile in her voice. "Jacob still has some time at school, right?"

I nod, even though she can't see me. "Five or six weeks."

"And then you'll be here?"

"Yes." For some reason there is a huge lump in my throat. I feel like I'm saying goodbye.

"As soon as he finishes school, I want you to come home for a month. I'll help you get organised... but I want to spend time with you. I miss you so much." Her voice cracks.

"Me too, Mom."

"We can talk about this properly when you're here."

"I've made my decision," I remind her.

"I know. I just want to make sure you made it for the right reasons," she says with that uncharacteristically motherly tone that she saves for life changing occasions. She was like this when I returned from Forks.

"I know what I'm doing, Mom," I huff in exasperation.

"I'm sure you do. But are you doing it for you or for Jacob?"

I think about Edward, and my heart starts to beat faster. "This is what I want," I say with conviction that surprises me.

"I know you're a grown woman, Bella, but you're still my baby and I want to make sure you're okay," she says quietly.

She, more than anyone, knows what I've been through and how much losing Edward affected my life. I've found myself wondering what transpired between her, Edward and Jacob while I was caring for Charlie... but whatever it was, it seemed to convince Renee that I should give Edward a chance. However, I don't blame her for wanting to make sure I'm doing this for the right reasons.

Over the course of the week, I talk to Jacob as much as I can about moving to Seattle. We talk about Renee and Phil and his friends. For the time being his main focus is that he'll be living near Edward and he can visit Renee often. I try to explain that during the school year it won't be possible to visit as often as he thinks, but given the idealistic viewpoint afforded by youth, I'm not surprised that he doesn't see it as being a problem. It won't be until the time comes to say goodbye that he'll realise he is leaving his nana behind.

On Friday, Jacob and I meet Sue, Leah, Sam and Seth at the graveyard. It's a cold, wet evening, and we huddle on the grass beneath large umbrellas staring at the stone.

Seeing Charlie's name on the headstone isn't easy. It lends finality to his passing... as if it is more real now that his name has been carved into stone.

Jacob leans forward, his brows knitted together tensely, and traces the gold lettering of his own name with his right index finger.

_Beloved father and grandfather of Bella and Jacob._

It doesn't seem fitting that the meaning of this man's life has been condensed into eight words. I know he was proud of his family, but I wish I'd waited and given his epitaph more thought. As if reading my mind, Sue links her arm through mine.

"He wasn't a demonstrative man," she reminds me. "He wouldn't have wanted fancy words. You and Jacob were all he cared about."

I lean my head on her shoulder. "He cared about all of you too," I say.

She pats my head affectionately. "We know."

We lay flowers and talk about him for a while. It feels strangely good to remember him with a smile at last, even though my tears aren't very far away. Jacob also manages to smile when he remembers the fishing trip, and Sam and Seth laugh when he admits that he almost fell out of the boat because he was frightened by the fish.

When it's time to go Jacob asks if he can ride in the cruiser with Sam and Seth. I agree before telling them all I'll meet them back at Sue's house. After they've gone I crouch down beside the headstone and rearrange the flowers one last time.

"I miss you, Dad," I whisper, feeling the heavy ache of grief in my chest. The sky is growing dark and, realising I don't have much time, I decide to get straight to it. "So I did it..." I say hesitantly, feeling a little foolish for doing this here, when I'm sure I can talk to him anywhere. "I took your advice. I'm going to go for what I really want. I–"

I'm interrupted by my cell buzzing in my pocket. I pull it out, and I can't help the wry smile when I see Edward's name on the screen.

"Hey," I croak before clearing my throat.

"I've been thinking about you." His voice is low and tentative. "Where are you?"

"I'm still at the graveyard," I tell him. "I'm just about to go to Sue's."

"Are you okay?"

I run my hand across the smooth marble. "I will be."

"Do you want me to come down tonight? I could be there by nine," he offers.

I consider it for a moment, but I doubt a night on the sofa would be the perfect preparation for what's bound to be a long day tomorrow.

"Thanks, but we'll be at your place early tomorrow. There's no point of you driving all that way tonight," I tell him.

"I want to be there for you."

"I'll call you when I get in," I offer.

"You know, I toyed with the idea of just showing up," he admits. "I wish I had now, that way you couldn't have put me off." I can hear the slight hint of humour in his tone.

"It's enough to know you were thinking of me."

"I'm always thinking about you Bella," he murmurs. "I love you."

"I love you too," I say, feeling goose bumps prickle my skin at the pleasure of hearing it.

When I arrive at Sue's, Jacob is out front with Seth and Sam admiring Seth's bike. I shake my head hoping that this will not develop into another of Jacob's obsessions. I join Sue and Leah inside and help prepare the meal. While we work I tell them I've decided to sell Charlie's house.

"It made Charlie happy to know that you'd have some financial security." Sue smiles sadly at me.

For the second time this week, I share my news about moving to Seattle and it is met with little surprise. Sue comments that it will be strange to see someone else living in the house before offering her services if I need any help while preparing to sell it.

On Saturday when we arrive at Edward's apartment, Jacob is bouncing on his heels as the elevator climbs too slowly to the penthouse. The door is already open but there is no sign of Edward. As we step into the apartment I can hear his voice drifting down the hallway.

He comes out of the living room and holds his hand up in apology, pointing to the phone at his ear. Jacob and I put our bags in the bedrooms, and by the time we are done Edward has finished his call.

He rubs his hand over Jacob's hair while he welcomes us both with a hug. "Sorry, there was a small problem at work. It's sorted now," he explains. "I'm working as hard as I can to get all the projects I'm working on completed before Jasper takes over." He runs his fingers through his hair. "I can't wait to get it all done."

"Me too," Jacob pipes up, causing Edward to chuckle. "Then we'll see you all the time."

It's a truly awful day. The sky is dark grey and the wind is lashing the rain off the windows. Jacob comments on how cosy it feels to be on this side of the glass while he sits at the dining room table watching the rivulets roll down the windows. Rosalie calls while Edward is making lunch.

"What are you doing with your hair?" she asks, after our brief greeting.

"Um... I brought my curling iron, why?"

"I have a girl that comes and does mine. I could send her over to you after she's done here. I checked with her, she doesn't have any other clients after me and could be there around four."

"I don't really think it's necessary," I say, touched by her offer.

"Oh come on. Indulge yourself. You deserve to be pampered... and besides she's really good, she'll do your make up too."

I think about the glamorous people who will be at the ball and decide that maybe I should make a special effort. There's really no point in spending all that money on a dress only to turn up with lacklustre hair. "Okay. Send her over. Thank you."

As soon as lunch is over Jacob is already harassing us to let him put his suit on. I stall him by allowing him to play his Xbox for an hour, and Edward uses the time to show me some listings he picked up from a realtor.

He sits close beside me at the table while I look through them. His hand wanders all over my back, sliding up to my neck occasionally, allowing him to pull my hair back and lean in to kiss the sensitive spot below my ear.

"You know, it's so hard to concentrate when you keep doing that," I point out, secretly loving it.

"I'm not sorry," he says with a mischievous grin.

I force my attention back to the listings. "They[re all so _big_," I point out. "Do we really need five bedrooms, four bathrooms and a tennis court?" I turn to him smiling. "If we buy a house this big, I'll never be done cleaning it."

"We can pay someone to clean it."

Ignoring his reasoning, I point at another one. "This one even has an indoor pool. I couldn't relax if we had a pool."

"Why not?" he asks, frowning in confusion.

"They're not safe for young children. We'd need to be really vigilant and I..." My words stall when I realise just how far ahead of myself I'm getting.

His fingers stop moving on my back, indicating that my words have registered.

I turn to look at him. His eyes are shining, and my heart starts to beat wildly.

His fingers cradle the back of my neck as he immediately leans in to kiss me. His lips are warm, soft and feel like pure, unadulterated pleasure. His smooth, silky tongue blazes a hot trail across my bottom lip. I groan a little when he sucks my lip into his mouth and grazes it with his teeth.

Releasing my lips, his breath is hot and warm as his mouth travels to my ear. "Don't worry," he whispers. "I'm not going to make you sign a contract in blood promising to fill every room with babies." He pulls back, gazing down at me and smiles happily.

My fingers squeeze his thigh reflexively, causing him to sigh appreciatively as his eyes darken.

He leans forward again, brushing my cheek with his lips as they move to my ear. "I can't wait to make love to you," he says breathily. "Fuck. I want to make love to you right now."

Suddenly, I'm too hot and too wet and squirming in the chair beside him. I grip his face in my hands and kiss him as fiercely as I dare, before pressing my forehead to his. "I want it too."

He sits back with a deep sigh. It's not a sigh of disappointment but of contentment. I look at him, quirking an eyebrow.

He catches my expression. "I'm just happy there's no_ but_ at the end of that sentence."

A bolt of arousal explodes inside me when he palms his erection briefly before adjusting himself. "I think I need to calm down. It's very difficult not to sweep the table clear and throw you down on it."

"Wow, how romantic," I simper, theatrically.

He kisses my cheek. "There"ll be plenty of time for romance... but sometimes... well, you remember how it was."

_Oh, I do!_

"Okay, you have to stop now," I groan. "And we really need to arrange for some time alone."

A mournful look sweeps across his face. "We do, and not just for that. I still think you need to ... to talk to me about the past."

My stomach lurches. "Raking over it won't change it."

"Ignoring it won't help you to let go of it," he counters.

I have no argument.

By four o'clock we can't hold Jacob back any longer and he gleefully rushes to the shower after I agree he can start to get ready.

"It's way too early," I complain to Edward, laying out Jacob's things on the bed.

Ignoring my complaints, Jacob grabs his toiletry bag and happily heads for the bathroom.

"Make sure you use the shampoo _and _the soap," I instruct. "Don't just stand under the water like you usually do."

"Mom, I know how to wash myself," he grumbles, closing the door a little too forcefully in his annoyance.

"That's debatable," I remark, turning to Edward as we leave the bedroom. "I swear; he takes forever in the shower, and sometimes he doesn't look any cleaner when he comes out."

"Is that so?" Edward smirks, pulling me gently into his room. "How long is forever?"

I roll my eyes good-naturedly when I hear the shower starting up.

"We'll hear the shower shutting off," he practically growls as his lips claim mine.

All at once his hands are everywhere. My back hits the wall with a dull thud, and he's pressed against me so tightly I can feel his cock hardening against my belly.

"Edward," I gasp between kisses. "Edward... we... ca..."

His left hand curls around my thigh and pulls my leg up around his hip. Bending at the knees he grinds his now fully erect cock right between my legs. "Fuck!" I gasp, biting down hard on my lip. His lips and tongue work magic on my neck while one hand cups my ass, and the other one delves under my shirt.

"Bella!" he groans, gripped with palpable urgency.

Grinding harder, he pulls down the front of my shirt, taking my bra with it and clamps his hot mouth on my hardened nipple. My head thumps the wall when I throw it back. He sucks so hard that I have to bite the back of my hand to stifle my yelp of pleasure. My whole body feels like it's on fire as arousal thrums through my veins. My mouth dries, and my eyes flutter closed while every nerve ending in my body screams for more.

He releases my nipple and in a flash his mouth is hot and wet against my ear. "Fuck, Bella. I can't wait... tomorrow... we'll ask Emmett and Rosalie to take Jacob out to lunch... we can talk. There's so much I want to say to you... So much I need you to understand. I want you to talk to me too, Bella. We need to get this all out so we can move on... and then... I need you, baby." His words are punctuated by desperate kisses.

"Yes!" I moan, flexing my hips against him forcefully.

The water shuts off, and Edward releases me instantly.

"Tomorrow?" he begs.

"Tomorrow." I confirm.

Our groans of frustration are identical. I straighten my clothes and step out into the hallway. I can hear Jacob singing as he dries himself in the bathroom, and by the time he opens the door and saunters past me with a towel wrapped around his waist; I've managed to calm down.

The intercom buzzes, and Edward heads towards the door to answer it.

"It's the hairdresser," Edward informs me when I join him in the foyer. He kisses my cheek. "I'll go help Jacob with his tie."

I watch him walk down the hallway to Jacob's room until the sharp knock on the door distracts me. I open it and gesture to the pretty blonde girl to come in.

"Hi," she says brightly, offering me her hand. "I'm Shannon."

"Bella," I say, shaking her hand briefly.

I lead her down the hallway and into the living room.

"Wow!" she gasps, moving towards the windows. "This view is spectacular!"

"It is Isn't it?" I respond. "Can I get you anything? Coffee? Juice?"

Everything about her screams beautician. Her skin is smooth and tanned; her make-up flawless. Her hair hangs in gleaming curls, and when she raises a hand to tuck a silky strand behind her ear, her nails are perfectly manicured and most likely acrylic.

"I'd love a coffee. Thank you."

She chats to me while I make coffee and then I suggest that we go to my room. I sit on the chair by the vanity while she remains standing. She regards me as she sips her coffee.

"So what would you like me to do? Did you have any particular style in mind?"she asks, setting her cup down beside mine.

"No," I admit. "I was just going to curl it."

"Do you mind?" she asks, gesturing towards my hair. I shake my head when I realise she wants to touch it.

Scooping it up between her fingers, she twists it slightly and holds it up on my head with one hand. "What style is your dress?"

"It has a sort of halter neckline... actually, it's in the closet, it'll probably easier if I just show it to you," I say, rising when she releases my hair.

"Oh, that's beautiful!" she exclaims when I unzip the garment bag. "I love the colour." She moves closer and fingers the fabric.

Looking down at the dress, I start to worry that it is so beautiful it will be wearing me, rather than the other way around. I look up at her again. "I'm not really used to going to things like this," I confide. "So you can pretty much do what you like... I have no idea what will be fitting."

She smiles kindly. "I definitely think I should put your hair up. Your skin is so luminous; it would be criminal to hide it under all that hair."

She hefts the heavy bag she brought with her up onto the bed and starts removing items and laying them out beside it.

While she primps and preens my hair and applies my make-up with an expert hand, she makes lots of flattering comments about my 'delicate bone structure' my 'elegant neck' and my 'lovely brown eyes', I find myself wondering if she's trying to flatter me into using her services in the future.

A while later, dressed in my robe, I see her out and head to Jacob's room, desperate to see him in his suit.

He isn't in his room so I head straight to the living room. He's standing at the window looking out at the city. "Let me see you then," I say eagerly.

He turns around and for a moment I'm transfixed by how grown-up he looks. The suit fits him perfectly, and he looks even more like Edward than normal. We stare at each other for a few moments, me taking in every inch of him while his eyes roam my hair and face.

Our eyes meet, and we burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Edward asks. He's sitting on the couch, his eyes darting between Jacob and me.

"I guess we're just not used to seeing each other looking so fancy," I explain. Jacob comes closer. "You look like a proper little man," I tell him, brushing my fingers across his cheek.

He looks at my robe. "Aren't you going to put your dress on?" he asks.

"Of course. I just couldn't wait to see how good you look."

I retreat back to my room to get dressed. I struggle into the corset before realising that I can't secure the ties properly. I fumble with it for a while, but frustration quickly gets the better of me. "Damn it!" I curse, pacing the room. I open the drawer I unpacked my bag into and glare at the contents. It's a futile exercise since I already know I didn't bring a strapless bra with me.

Not wanting to ask Edward to truss me up, I give the ties one last go and end up tying them in a very tight knot. Heaven knows how I'll get out of this thing, but I can worry about that later.

I struggle into the dress, careful not to ruin the carefully crafted hairstyle Shannon went to great lengths to create. Thankfully the dress has a side zip, which means there is no further dressing mishap and I am ready within minutes. I slip on my shoes and grab my purse before venturing out to join Edward and Jacob.

Edward is just exiting his bedroom finishing his tie when I open the door.

He stares at me and his eyes widen as they travel down the length of my body and back up again. His jaw slackens momentarily before he speaks. "Why does it have to be red?" he whispers.

Bizarrely, the way he utters the words brings to mind an image of Indiana Jones complaining about snakes.

I look down at myself. "Don't you like it?" I ask weakly.

He strides towards me and crooks his finger beneath my chin. "I love it," he all but groans.

"But you don't like the colour?"

His eyes flame as he gazes down at me. "The first time I kissed you… you wearing red," he says huskily. "That was the first time I allowed myself to think of you as a woman. You were so exquisite." His eyes darken with the memory. "That image is burned into my brain. I've never forgotten how I felt that night. It kills me to remember how badly I fucked up." He presses his forehead to mine. "All I had to do was tell her." His eyes close. "God how I wish I had."

"Me too," I say sadly.

His eyes snap open. "Shit, I'm sorry. You look stunning." He cups my cheek. "I didn't mean to... I love seeing you in red." A tentative smile plays on his lips. "You are everything I ever wanted Bella, I'm just kicking myself for the time I caused us to miss."

Tears blur my vision.

"Don't cry," he croons, brushing his thumbs under my eyes gently and collecting the moisture.

"We'll be alright this time, won't we?" I ask, searching his eyes.

Cradling my face in his palms he kisses me gently. "I love you. No one will come between us this time. I can promise you that."

I believe him, but I'm left with the feeling that maybe I am the biggest hurdle that we still have to face.

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**

**Kat**


	28. Chapter 28

**Hmmm, I'm not sure what happened here but the speech marks are single instead of double. Hope it doesn't get in the way of your reading pleasure.**

* * *

Edward traces his fingers delicately across my collar bone. 'I bought you something,' he murmurs. 'I'll go get it.'

I can hear the hum of the TV from the living room, and imagine Jacob sitting on the sofa in front of it – probably stretched all out so as to avoid creasing his suit.

Edward emerges from his room and presents me with a large, square box covered in crimson velvet. He lifts my hands and places it on my palms. I glance down at the word _Cartier_ scribed in gold on the lid. I ignore the tiny burst of irrational jealousy that fizzes in my stomach. I try not to think about the other women who have been given an expensive gift from Edward on an occasion like this.

I quell that horrible feeling and plaster a smile on my face, but before I get the chance to open the lid, Jacob joins us. He tells me I look lovely before eyeing the box and asking what it is.

'Open it,' Edward urges gently.

I lift the lid and look down at the beautiful necklace and bracelet held within. The bracelet is fashioned from three rings of differing colours of gold, while the necklace consists of a delicate chain holding a similar circular trio of gold.

Edward lifts out the necklace and thumbs the three bands. ''I bought it because it's a trinity,' he says looking slightly embarrassed, as if he's suddenly unsure of himself. 'It made me think of the three of us, like it represents us as a unit.' His eyes catch mine briefly before his gaze returns to the necklace.

His words touch me and I look at it anew. It is made of white gold, yellow gold and diamond encrusted gold. 'It's beautiful,' I say.

Jacob peers at it... 'What one represents me? I call the gold, it's better than silver.' he says.

I smile at him. 'That's not silver it's white gold.' He frowns at it dubiously. 'White gold is gold just the same... so I call that,' I continue, grinning at him and enjoying his little game.

Jacob looks at Edward. 'Looks like you're the sparkly one!' he says with a cheeky grin.

Edward chuckles. 'I have a gift for you too.'

Jacob's eyes light up. 'Really?'

Edward pulls a small leather wallet out of his pocket and hands it to Jacob. 'This is for you,' he says, smiling broadly. 'They have lots of stalls and games at the ball. I thought you might need something to keep your own money in.'

Jacob turns it over in his hands several times feeling the leather. Edward smiles curiously at Jacob when he lifts it to his nose and smells it before opening it. 'It's empty,' he says, but not with complaint.

Edward glances at me before addressing Jacob. 'I wanted to make sure it was okay with your mom to give you some money.'

'You don't have to ask permission,' I tell him.

I just wasn't sure how you'd feel about me giving him his own money to carry around.' He looks down at Jacob. 'I meant to mention it before giving him the wallet,' he adds as an afterthought.

'As long as we're not talking about a hundred bucks, I don't mind at all,' I insist.

Edward smiles and opens his own wallet

'Hey! Is that me?' Jacob asks, staring at Edward's wallet in surprise.

I look down to see the picture of Jacob that I gave to Edward in the diner. It feels like a lifetime ago since that day rather than mere months.

'You keep a picture of me in your wallet?' Jacob's voice is reverent and filled with pride as he touches the photo.

Edward looks a little taken aback by how much this clearly means to Jacob. 'Sure,' he says. 'I had it sitting in the bookcase when your mom first gave it to me, but since I don't spend a lot of time here during the week I put it in my wallet. Now, when I'm at work, I can look at you any time I want.'

Jacob looks up at him. 'Do you miss me when I'm not here?'

A lump forms in my throat when Edward nods and says, 'Very much.'

Their eyes stay locked for a beat before Edward looks down at the photo. 'Maybe we'll get a family one taken tonight and I can put a picture of all three of us in here,' he muses.

'That's a great idea,' Jacob agrees enthusiastically. 'We all look great tonight. We should totally do that.'

Edward laughs lightly, hands Jacob a twenty dollar bill, and then turns to me. 'Turn around,' he instructs. 'I'll put the necklace on you'

Jacob stuffs the bill in his wallet informing me that he's going to get a drink. He thanks Edward and walks to the kitchen inspecting his gift.

Edward is holding the necklace out waiting for me to turn my back to him.

'Do you like it?' he asks, draping the necklace gently around my neck. 'You don't have to wear it if you don't.'

I capture the circles between my thumb and forefinger and think about his reason for buying it. It shames me a little that I thought he was merely giving me a trinket like he has in the past. 'I love it.'

He fastens the clasp with a light snap, and I shiver appreciatively when he presses his warm lips to the base of my neck. Arousal zings down my spine and I bite my lip against the soft sigh that escapes me. His hand curves around my waist, squeezing gently while his lips blaze a trail to my ear. 'You look gorgeous,' he murmurs thickly.

Turning I take in the sight of him. His skin looks smooth and flawless and his lips are plump and moist. His heavy lidded eyes roam all over my body as he drinks in every detail.

My own eyes follow a similar path down his body. His dark grey suit is cut to fit him perfectly, and makes me want to run my hands all over every beautiful inch of him. It thrills me that I can and I can't resist the urge to brush my fingers over his thighs while he kisses me softly.

The freshly showered scent of him fills my nostrils, making me wish we didn't have to go anywhere tonight.

Two sounds from opposing ends of the hallway jolt us out of our intimate moment. The door buzzer blares at one end, while a worringly anguished cry from Jacob has my head snapping towards the kitchen.

Ignoring the door, Edward and I both race to the kitchen to find Jacob standing beside the fridge. He is grasping a juice box too tightly and orange juice is still seeping from the straw. My eyes arrow straight to the wet streak of orange staining his lovely white shirt.

He looks up at me, his eyes wide with horror. 'I'm sorry,' he wails.

'Take it off!' I order. 'Quickly, before it drips on your trousers,' I add, stalking towards him. I tell Edward to get the door, and when I turn back to Jacob he is almost strangling himself with his tie. 'The knot!' I bark, pulling his fingers out of the way. Grabbing the knot I start to loosen it gently. 'You always loosen a tie at the top.'

Fat tears brim in his eyes. 'I've ruined everything!'

'Calm down,' I say, more gently than I addressed him previously. 'It's not the end of the world. I can fix this, we'll just be a little late that's all.'

While I'm tugging the tie off and undoing the buttons of Jacob's shirt Edward rejoins us. 'The car has arrived,' he says. 'I told him to wait.'

'Do you have any detergent?' I ask over my shoulder. 'I'll have to wash the stain out.'

Edward rubs his hand through his hair. 'Um... I use a laundry service. I don't have anything like that.'

I strip off Jacob's shirt and head to the sink to run the wet patch under the tap. I squeeze a little washing up detergent on it and rinse out the stain. Jacob is full on crying now and Edward pulls him into his arms, kissing the top of his head.

'Don't worry,' he croons. 'It's really not that big a deal.' He glances over to me. 'Your mom's fixing it.'

I had a feeling something might set Jacob off. He's been as high as a kite all day, so it was a foregone conclusion that any tiny thing would be blown up into an unmitigated disaster in his mind. I'm just relieved it happened now and not at the ball.

I ring the water out of the shirt and then frown at its rumpled state. 'I'm guessing if you don't have detergent you won't have an iron either?'

'Shit!' Edward curses before grimacing down at Jacob. 'Sorry!'

I roll my eyes rushing to the bookcase, where I pull out the two largest books I can find before heading to my room to retrieve my hair dryer. Spreading the shirt out one book, I start to dry it while smoothing it with the other. Twenty minutes later Jacob is standing in the kitchen with the shirt back on and it only looks slightly rumpled.

'Once you have your jacket on nobody will notice.' I assure him, knotting his tie again. 'There all done! You look great.'

He still looks a little miserable as he shrugs into his jacket. 'But we're late now,' he complains.

I rub my thumb across his cheek. 'Stop worrying,' I instruct gently. 'It was an accident. It's sorted now. Okay?'

He shrugs and nods but doesn't look okay at all.

Thankfully, when we get downstairs his mood improves instantly when he sets eyes on the limo waiting for us. 'Is that for us?' he asks, wide eyed and suddenly grinning from ear to ear. When Edward nods, he races towards it and looks up at the young man standing by the door. Jacob thanks him when he opens it and dives inside.

Edward takes my hand to help me inside, and I slide onto the leather seat to allow him to climb in behind me. Jacob is moving around so fast in his attempts to take everything in, he's practically ricocheting off the sides.

His glee is infectious, and I can't help but laugh when he starts wondering aloud which would be the best seat to sit on. Eventually he decides to sit on the left and asks if we can turn the TV on. Edward informs Jacob that it only plays DVDs and there aren't any in the car. Jacob frowns a little but then starts eyeing up the contents of the bar.

'After the orange juice incident, don't even think about it,' I warn him, trying hard to keep the chuckle out of my voice.

Edward settles into the seat beside me, lifting my hand onto his lap. 'Did I tell you how beautiful you look?' he says, smiling.

'You might have mentioned it,' I say, feeling the heat of my self-conscious blush warm my cheeks.

His cell phone shrieks, causing us both to start. He grimaces in apology before answering it.

'Cullen!' he barks in that awful tone he uses for work. His brows furrow as he listens to whoever is on the other end. 'We're running a little late,' he states, but his words appear to be cut off by the other person talking again. I watch as a muscle starts to work in his jaw. 'What mistake?'

I glance at Jacob who is listening to Edward's every word, and decide to distract him. 'Good job we brought the umbrellas,' I remark lightly, pointing at the driving rain sweeping against the windows.

Jacob turns his attention to the wet streets outside, while Edward leans forward in his seat, irritation radiating from him.

'Jane, it wasn't a mistake. I arranged to sit at a different table... I know I sit there every year, but this year I arranged to sit elsewhere... what do you mean you fixed it?... why didn't you call and ask me.' He brushes his fingers through his hair and huffs out a sharp breath. 'Jane, just because I didn't inform you that I'd made alternative arrangements doesn't give you the right to assume that a mistake had been made. I'm not happy about this... sort it... of course you can...' Another sharp sigh. 'Alright, forget it! I'll deal with it when I get there.'

He stabs the disconnect button and jams the cell back in his pocket.

'Problem?' I ask, unnecessarily.

Jacob glances at us and I wish that there was something on the TV to distract him.

Edward looks back at me over his shoulder. 'I arranged for us to sit at a table with some colleagues and their kids,' he glances at Jacob who is now making a show of looking out of the window. Edward lowers his voice. 'I normally sit with my family, and my assistant Jane assumed there had been a mix up with the table – I put her and her brother at my family's table – anyway, she moved to our table and arranged for them to add an extra place setting at my family's table for the three of us.'

'Can't she just change it back again?' I ask.

'They're already seated now,' he says. 'When we get there, I'll see what I can do.'

I touch his arm. 'No. We're late now. The last thing I want to do is cause a big scene when we arrive. Besides, Jacob will want to sit with Emmett and Rosalie.'

He covers my hand with his. 'I don't care about causing a scene. It's more important to me that you feel comfortable.'

'I'll be fine.' I lower my voice to a whisper. 'I'm quite prepared for Carlisle, he won't get to me tonight. I don't care what he thinks of me anymore. I only care about you.'

We pull up outside the venue, and I tell Jacob to wait while Edward gets out first. The wind is so strong that the rain is almost falling horizontally. Edward struggles with the large umbrella while Jacob and I hurry out. Thankfully we are close to the door and our clothes aren't too badly sprayed with rain.

Just as we get to the open doors there's a couple of flashes of light, and I catch sight of a photographer snapping us from a few feet away.

'There's usually a lot of photographer's,' Edward explains when we pass. 'We seem to have struck it lucky and missed them.'

'I doubt there'd be many on a night like this,' I remark as he ushers me through the door.

In the foyer, I brush the drops of rain from Jacob's shoulders while Edward sweeps his hand down the side of my dress. We are greeted by a tall thin man who has dark piercing eyes and a sharply pointed nose. He glances at the three of us before addressing Edward.

'Good to see you, Mr Cullen,' he greets holding his hand out for the umbrella. 'You are just in time, they are about to serve the food.'

'Thank you Russell,' Edward says, placing his hand on the small of my back.

The man doesn't wait for introductions. He walks ahead of us and presses the button for the elevator.

The doors open immediately and we step inside. I check my hair in the mirror and am relieved to see that it's still perfectly in place despite our dash from the limo to the front door. Edward threads his fingers through mine and brings my hand to his lips.

'Are you ready?'

Jacob watches Edward kiss my knuckles and rolls his eyes. 'Can't you save that stuff for when you're alone,' he grouses, but I catch the twinkle in his eye that tells me he's secretly pleased.

When the doors slide open Edward keeps a tight grip on my hand as he leads us up a long corridor to a set of double doors at the end. Just as Edward lets go of my hand to open the doors, Jacob slips his into my other one. I smile down at him.

The doors open to reveal a large foyer that has several large doorways similar to the one we are standing in. I can hear voices and light music carrying through from the left. Edward gestures towards that door.

'That's where the main reception is,' he informs us. 'And the other doors lead off into the events rooms.'

'Events?' Jacob and I both ask at the same time.

'There's various games and competitions that we take part in to raise extra funds on the night. There's also a party room for the kids. I can show you them later, but for now I think we should get into the main hall before they start serving the food.'

My nerves start to kick in a little when he pulls the doors marked _'Banquet Hall'_ open and places his hand on my back as we step inside. Jacob's fingers tighten as a few people from the nearest tables turn to look at us with undisguised curiosity. Edward's hand slides around my waist and he pulls me a little closer, tucking me into his side as he guides us through the maze of tables.

I don't look at anything other than the space in front of me. The hum of voices is slightly louder than the music playing in the background, and children's voices ring louder than the adults. I flash of white catches me eye and I look over to see Emmett raising his arm in greeting as we approach the table. He has his jacket off already and is sitting with his arm around Rosalie who is smiling approvingly at me.

There are three empty seats beside them, and then Jasper, Alice, Esme and Carlisle complete the arc around the table. I'm relieved to see that the table is large and we will be sitting at the opposite side from Carlisle. Unfortunately, the floral centre piece is not large enough to completely obscure him from view.

'Sorry we're late,' Edward says to no one in particular, and even though he sounds cordial enough I notice the slight strain in his voice.

To my utter embarrassment they all stand to greet us. Jasper clasps Edward's hand in greeting before Edward leans forward and kisses Alice's cheek. It's all very formal... and horribly awkward. Jacob lets go of my hand and moves straight to Emmett and Rosalie. Jasper is already approaching me and I smile as he presses his lips to my cheek.

'Hello Bella,' he says smoothly.

Before I can respond he releases me and I find myself gazing into Alice's eager face. 'You look lovely Bella.' Her voice is small, which bothers me.

I can't stop the trajectory of my eyes as I take in her attire. Only Alice could make yellow look elegant in a setting such as this. The off the shoulder chiffon dress she is wearing, drapes her slender physique perfectly. It cinches at the waist, flowing over her narrow hips fluidly. Around her neck, a solitaire diamond dangles from a delicate gold chain, and other than her wedding ring it is the only accessory she has. She is most likely the envy of every little-black-dress-wearing woman in the room.

It reminds me of the quirkiness I loved about her in the past. Nostalgia evokes a strong emotion in me – If I can start to forget the hurt Edward and I caused each other, then surely it is easier to bury the mistakes Alice and I made too.

I have no words of greeting. I can't vocalise this, instead, when she offers me her hand I slide my hand across her shoulder and press my cheek to hers. She sighs. I pull back and look into her eyes. My smile is for the girls we lost and for the women that I hope we can find. She returns it tenfold.

As we part, I notice the way Esme is gripping Edward. Her fingers are almost claw-like on his back as he hugs her. She is whispering to him and feeling like an intruder I look away, only to find myself staring into the ice blue abyss of Carlisle's gaze.

'Bella,' he greets with saccharine sweetness. Edward's back stiffens perceptibly. 'You are a vision in red,' Carlisle continues.

Steeling my resolve, I smile so sweetly I can almost feel the cavities forming. 'Thank you Carlisle,' I respond making sure I don't move one inch closer.

I turn to Esme who has now released Edward. 'It's nice to see you again, Esme,' I say, taking in her midnight blue gown. Internally I thank Rosalie for not letting me buy the one I wanted which was the exact same shade. 'You look beautiful.'

Esme cups my elbow as she kisses my cheek. 'I'm so proud to have you all here,' she says, throwing me off balance. As she pulls back her eyes are shining and I realise she really means it. Her eyes drift to Jacob and Edward before returning to me... and the pride does not leave them.

I've seen that look in Renee's eyes before, and all at once I feel bad for this woman who loves Edward so very much but has always had that love tempered by her husband's disdain for it. Jacob is about to sit down but I hold my hand out and gesture for him to come forward to say hello to Esme.

He stops at my side smiling up at Esme.

Her eyes shimmer as her eyes roam the full length of him. 'You look amazing,' she says to him beaming.

Jacob can't stop smiling as he steps tentatively forward. Esme opens her arms and I wonder if it is only I who can hear the strangled sigh that escapes her as she welcomes him into her embrace. Jacob pulls back first, only slightly embarrassed by the emotional display. He turns to face Carlisle and I watch proudly as he shakes his hand perfunctorily.

Sometimes, Jacob doesn't read social situations well, so he tends to follow the lead of those involved. He mirrors the reactions of others. In Esme's case his hug was genuine because he felt genuine warmth from her, but in Carlisle's case it was a cold calculating handshake... and nothing pleases me more.

When I return to Edward's side, he pulls out the chair next to Rosalie and gestures for me to sit down. Rosalie winks at me as I do. Jacob sits in the seat next to me and Emmett leans over and bumps fists with him.

'Look at you,' Emmett says to Jacob grinning broadly. 'You look all grown up. I told you that suit was perfect for you.'

Jacob beams at him proudly, but his hand flutters subconsciously to the spot on his shirt that was stained.

As Edward takes his seat at the other side of Jacob, I can't keep my eyes from wandering around the table. Everyone is seated again, and despite the slight tension that still hangs in the air, I smile as if I don't have a care in the world.

Edward drapes his arm across the back of Jacob's chair and brushes my arm with his fingers. I look over at him and smile. He smiles back, only removing his arm when the waiters and waitresses appear ready to serve.

Jacob frowns at the bowl of soup that has been placed in front of him. 'Don't we get a choice?' he asks me.

I lean close and whisper to him. 'Don't complain Jacob. Just eat it.'

He glances up at me, concern evident in his eyes. I know instantly where his concern lies.

'Sit forward a little, that way if you spill it, it will drip into the bowl and not onto your suit,' I advise, placing his napkin on his lap.

He smiles sheepishly and picks up a spoon. I touch his hand gently and wordlessly direct him to the correct one. I nod discreetly when he lifts it.

'Your hair looks lovely,' Rosalie remarks jovially as soon as the plates have all been served. A burst of conversation sparks up around the table. She nudges me a little. 'Relax,' she whispers.

For the first time since we arrived, I do.

During the meal, Edward is extraordinarily attentive towards Jacob and me. He leans forward, hovering a bottle of wine over my glass.

I place my hand over the rim. 'I'll stick to soft drinks tonight,' I say. He raises his eyebrows in question. I glance down at Jacob. 'I don't drink when I'm out with Jacob.'

He places the bottle down and raises the jug of orange juice instead. 'After dinner I'll get some soft drinks from the bar for us.'

'You don't have to–'

'I'd like to keep a clear head for tomorrow,' he explains while pouring the juice.

After the meal – which Jacob somehow manages to get through without spilling on himself – Edward leaves the table to give a talk. Apparently he and Emmett take turns on who speaks at these events. This year is Edward's turn.

I watch him as he strides confidently to the podium and unbuttons his jacket before leaning into the mike. I listen intently as he talks about the various charities that will benefit from tonight's fundraiser. My stomach flutters with something akin to pride. I've never seen him command a room like this and if I'm being honest, it's quite the turn on.

When he's finished he makes his way back to the table, but his progress is hampered by countless people stopping him so they can shake his hand. I notice a few women making a bee line for him. He simply smiles at them graciously when they lean towards him, discretely leaning away in tandem with their movements. His eyes keep darting to mine, until finally he reaches the table.

'Dance with me,' he says, holding out his hand.

I hadn't even noticed that the band had started to play. 'I'm a bad dancer,' I refuse, shaking my head.

Ignoring my refusal, his hand envelopes mine and he pulls me to my feet. 'Then you'll just have to hold on tight.' He smirks.

I glance down at Jacob to see him sliding into my seat beside Rosalie.

Edward leads me to the dance floor and places one hand around my waist, while keeping a grip on my hand with his other. 'I've never danced with you,' he murmurs, leaning down so I can hear him over the music. He lifts his head and smiles down at me. 'You don't know how much it means to me to have you and Jacob here with me tonight.'

As we sway to the music, he leans in close again. I become aware that we seem to be dancing more intimately than most of the other couples. His hand is splayed across the base of my spine and his thighs brush mine as he moves. His head dips again and his breath is warm as it drifts down my neck when he speaks. 'I know I said it already, but you're stunning Bella.' His lips brush my cheek briefly.

'It's amazing what a bit of make-up and a professional hairdresser can do,' I joke, trying hard to temper the arousal his little touches ignite in me.

He chuckles. 'Even if you were standing here in your jeans and a t-shirt, you'd still be the most beautiful woman in the room.'

This time I laugh. 'Now, that's just cheesy,' I accuse.

His eyes are burning with desire when I pull back to look into his face.

'Maybe so,' he admits. 'But I mean every word.'

His fingers flex and suddenly my throat is too dry and I can't swallow. His hand traces a languid circle on the exposed skin on my back, as we move to music I can no longer hear. Every sense is filled with Edward. The masculine line of his jaw, the delicious scent of him that is only slightly masked by his cologne, the feel of his body so close to mine, the velvet timbre of his voice in my ears and the taste of his kiss that is still rampant in my memory.

As if a bubble has formed around us, he is all I am aware of. We've never had this pleasure before and it feels good to be in his arms, and not caring if anyone is watching us. His eyes never leave mine, and I feel my insides melt from the sheer heat in his gaze. His thumb brushes my knuckles and his other hand is hot on my back.

I feel his thighs brush against mine again and briefly wonder if we are inappropriately close. I can't stand to tear my eyes away from his face to check. I love the small smile that is playing on his lips. I suspect it mirrors my own. I never knew just being with him could feel so good or so right. This is all I ever wanted; to be free to love him and for him to be free to love me.

Words are unnecessary. I can see everything I want to tell him reflected in his eyes. He is feeling the exact same emotions that I am and I've never felt closer to him.

The spell is broken in the brief pause between songs. Suddenly, I'm aware of the people around us again as they start to leave the dance floor. A new song strikes up, and Edward raises an eyebrow at me as if asking if I want to dance again.

'We should get back to Jacob,' I decline with a rueful smile. 'He'll be dying to go see what's happening in the other rooms.'

I slip my hand into his, before we turn back to the tables. We don't even make it off the dance floor before Tanya materialises out of nowhere.

'Edward, it's so nice to see you again,' she coos sarcastically, her eyes swinging to me. 'And you brought your little girlfriend.'

Edward doesn't break stride and barely glances at her as he makes to move past her. 'Grow up Tanya.'

She steps in front of us, clearly intent on causing a scene. Edward slides his hand around my waist as Tanya glares at me.

'You're back,' she observes redundantly, before glancing at our table. 'And not alone it would seem.' Her eyes darken as she turns to Edward. 'I can't believe you let Irina find out about your dirty little secret second hand.'

I marvel at how calm and unruffled Edward's demeanor remains. 'I'd thank you not to refer to my son in that manner,' he says. 'This is none of you, or your family's concern.'

'After everything, you don't think that she deserved the common courtesy to hear it from you that your sordid little affair resulted in a child?'

Edward grips me tighter and I'm unsure whether he is trying to reassure me or making sure I don't bolt for the door. He shakes his head in disbelief. 'Irina and I have been divorced for nine years. This is all water under the bridge. I'd thank you to keep your nose out of our business. If this was some sick little ploy of yours to cause drama – it failed.' He turns and takes a step away, taking me with him. 'Enjoy your evening.' He says over his shoulder.

I look back to see Tanya looking affronted, before she stalks away in the opposite direction.

'Bitch,' Edward mutters as he steers me back to the table. 'Are you okay?'

'I'm fine,' I insist. 'I expected to run into her tonight. I'm just glad she didn't approach us at the table in front of Jacob.'

He squeezes my hand. 'I wouldn't let her get within ten feet of the table,' he assures.

'Will there be any other Denali's here?' I ask, glancing around the room. 'I remember her father was a big deal... well according to Carlisle.'

'No,' he says shaking his head. 'The Denali's have always avoided these functions – for obvious reasons.' He glances in the direction Tanya left. 'I can't say their presence was ever missed.'

'Is there a problem?' Emmett asks coming to stand beside us.

Edward sighs heavily. 'No. Just Tanya making a nuisance of herself.'

Emmett pats my shoulder. 'Don't let her bullshit get to you.'

I smile at him but don't get the opportunity to say anything because Jacob appears at Edward's side.

'Can we go see the games now?'

'Of course we can,' Edward says, fixing a hundred watt smile to his face. He takes Jacob's hand and then turns to me. 'You coming?'

I smile and walk beside him. It's difficult not to feel self conscious when I can see heads turning at every table we pass. Edward takes hold of my hand and gives it a tight squeeze.

As we're passing a table an elderly gentleman turns and looks up at us. 'Edward!' he greets loudly. 'Another fine evening.' Jacob scoots to my side as the man rises stiffly to his feet. He claps his hand on Edward's shoulder and shakes his hand vigorously. His eyes are bright and his cheeks rosy with alcohol. 'Damn fine speech, young man,' he adds before he looks at Jacob and me.

Edward's smile is genuine and surprisingly affectionate. 'Hal! I would have come to find you,' he says. 'But it looks like you found me. It's so good to see you.' He leans in. 'And you're generosity is always appreciated.'

Hal waves his hand in the air dismissively. 'You know that's not why I come. I get a goddamned kick out of seeing all these pretty young ladies,' he jokes winking at me.

Edward chuckles, turning towards me and cups my elbow. 'Hal, I'd like you to meet...' his eyes catch mine. He pauses briefly, as if making a snap decision. 'My family. This is Bella and this...' he slides his hand around Jacob's shoulder and pulls him forward gently. '... is our son, Jacob.'

There's a moment where Hal looks at Edward as if he's spoken in a foreign language. His smile falters while he looks at Edward quizzically. Edward simply keeps his gaze steady until eventually Hal's smile widens and he holds a shaky liver-spotted hand out to me.

'It's a pleasure to meet you my dear,' he says warmly, raising my hands to his lips. 'I don't think I've seen anyone quite so beautiful since my late wife passed away. Your name definitely suits you.' His milky blue eyes flicker at the mention of his wife and then just as quickly he snaps out of it and turns his attention to Jacob. 'And you... you're a fine looking young man,' he says patting his back. 'Just like your father.'

'Thank you,' Jacob says, blushing furiously.

Hal turns back to Edward. Something in his expression tells me that he has a soft spot for Edward. He looks almost proud as he reiterates how good it is to see him. They have a brief back and forth where Hal complains it's been too long since Edward visited and Edward offers up weak apologies, but soon we're on our way again.

'Who was that?' I ask quietly as Edward holds the door open for Jacob and me.

Edward sighs and looks down at Jacob whose eyes are already trained on the delights that lie ahead. 'Hal is a very wealthy, very lonely old man. When his wife Miriam was diagnosed with Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease he started to throw money at the research for a cure. One of our subsidiary companies was set up to research cures for fatal debilitating ,there's still no cure for CJD – and despite losing his wife five years ago – Hal still throws money at it.'

'He seems to know you on a personal level,' I observe.

Edward smiles. 'He's a remarkable man. I've had a lot of dealings with him over the years.' He sobers. 'He has such devotion to his wife that he's desperate to find a cure so that nobody else will go through what she went through.' His eyes glitter as he looks down at me. 'I can't help but be in awe of a man like that.'

Tears sting the back of my eyes as I watch the shadow of regret cast on his face. I am hit with the urge to hug him and tell him everything will be alright, but we are standing in a crowded foyer with our son tugging on his sleeve desperate to get to the fun part of the evening.

My mood lifts when we enter the games room. It has been partitioned into two separate areas; one looks like a casino while the other is full of stalls reminiscent of a carnival. With a huge grin on his face Jacob pulls his wallet out, and pays to have a go at shooting tin cans off a wall. It's all electronics and lasers of course, but Jacob still remarks on how old fashioned it is. I suspect his disdain is brought on by the fact that he can't manage to shoot one single can off the wall.

Jacob quickly runs out of money and Edward supplies him with more. The room is busy and buzzing with laughter and conversation. At first it is difficult to relax and enjoy it because there seems to be a constant stream of people approaching us to greet Edward. I'm introduced to countless people whose names and faces pass in a blur. Edward takes great pride in introducing Jacob and I as his family and I feel a little bit like we are on display.

Eventually, we are left alone and Edward starts to relax as we let Jacob lead us around the room as he endeavours to have a go at everything.

'This is the first time I've ever enjoyed one of these events,' Edward confides, his lips brushing my ear as he stands behind me while we watch Jacob play air hockey with another boy. 'I've never bothered with this room before.'

I turn and look up at him.

'It was only ever business to me. It was always Emmett who insisted that we should allow children to attend.' A trace of guilt flickers on his face. 'At first I was dead against it. But Emmett pointed out that kids were very good at getting money from their parents, which they would in turn spend on the stalls – thus raising more money.'

I smile knowingly. 'And if whole families are here, the parents will tend to enjoy themselves more and be more receptive to indulgence.'

'Exactly,' he says with a grin.

Jacob returns to us flushed with excitement and asks if he can play some more games with his new friend. Edward gives him yet more money and laughs as I shake my head.

'Let me indulge him,' he pleads jokingly.

I laugh and tell him I'm going to the ladies and since he seems so content to watch Jacob, I arrange to meet them back in the main hall when Jacob is done.

The restrooms are probably the most luxurious I've ever been in. All marble and shiny gold fittings. It takes some manoeuvring not to pee on my dress but I somehow manage not to. There's no stainless steel soap dispenser but instead a porcelain dishes holding little pearls of soap. I take one and wash my hands, before drying them on the cotton hand towel and depositing it in the small hamper which already has several used towels in it. I indulge myself with the fragrant hand cream before making my way back to the main hall.

Only Alice and Jasper are still seated at the table. As I approach, I watch how Jasper's fingers play with Alice's hair while she talks animatedly to him. He smiles when she does and nods at the same time too. They are completely engrossed in each other and I wonder if that is how Edward and I looked on the dance floor. An unexpected bubble of happiness surprises me.

My steps slow as I get nearer and I'm hit with the memory of how eager Alice was when we first met. She was as lost as I was though I didn't know it then. Alice was probably the exact opposite of me; spoiled and indulged by her overbearing family... but she was lost just the same. She needed a friend just like I did and though we were so very different; it was that which bonded us.

She was always outwardly happy and she was a great person to be around, but there were times when I could see that she was a little lonely too and wanted nothing more than to have a best friend. Seeing the way she is with Jasper tonight, I can see that she's found that friend – and I'm happy for her.

"Jacob's having great fun," I say as I sit down.

They both turn to me and smile.

I smile back. I look at Alice. Jasper stands and excuses himself, pressing his lips to Alice's cheek.

We stare at each other long after Jasper leaves. I look at this woman who was once my closest friend and I can't think where to begin... or even what it is that is burning inside of me to get out.

She moves into the seat Jasper vacated and I feel her knee touch mine. Suddenly emotional I try to force a smile.

"I know you and Edward weren't supposed to be sitting with us tonight," she says suddenly. 'But I'm glad you are.'

I nod. "Me too."

Her eyes are glassy. "I saw you dancing... you and Edward. You looked... great together." She bites her lip and her eyes shimmer. "At any other time I would have been so happy to know that my best friend fell in love with my brother, I–"

I place my hand palm up on her knee. She looks down and blinks a few times before tentatively putting her hand in mine. I close my fingers around hers. "I know I let you down." I look up into her eyes. "It was never about you Alice. You were my friend, I promise you that was separate. I didn't use you to get to Edward. I couldn't tell you how I felt about him, but that didn't mean that I didn't believe in my friendship with you. It wasn't easy for me to keep it from you, but I hope you can understand why I did. Sometimes I hated coming to the house because I hated seeing Edward and Irina together. I still wanted to be your friend, so I made myself do it. I did feel guilty Alice, but I loved him so much that it overrode everything else."

Her eyes look as misty as mine feel. She squeezes my hand and I continue. "I just fell in love with him and nothing else mattered. I know I was selfish, but he was everything to me. I'm sorry that I hurt you."

"I'm sorry too," she whispers.

I sigh and start to raise my hand. It's not till she stops me that I realise I was going to run my fingers through my hair.

"You'll ruin your hair," she says with a small smile.

Her fingers are warm on my wrist. "We're different people now," she says quietly. "Maybe we can work on having a different kind of friendship?"

I nod. "I'd like to try."

'Let's go play some black jack or something!'

Both of us turn startled at the sound of Rosalie's voice. She slaps her hands on our shoulders. 'Maybe us Cullen women can clean up!' There is an unmistakable glimmer of approval in her eyes as she grins down at us.

'Um... Rosalie, you're the only one here called Cullen,' Alice points out.

'Pedantry!' Rosalie scoffs, grabbing both our hands. I catch the affectionate look she throws our way. 'Lets go lose some money to charity!'

The next hour is spent in a state that I would liken to a dream. This is not my life. I don't spend time with extended family. I don't usually take pleasure in being only on the periphery of Jacob's unencumbered joy. From my vantage point over the roulette table, I can't help but smile and lose my focus on the game in front of me, when I see him high fiving Edward just before Emmett launches him up on his shoulders and twirls him around.

Seeing my boy so utterly happy in the presence of his father and uncle moves me... in more ways than one. I make the conscious decision to focus on the delight I feel at seeing him so happy, but when he I see that they are playing a fishing game, my thoughts turn to Charlie. I wish he could see us now.

I turn to Rosalie and Alice with a fake smile. 'I need to go to the bathroom.'

I push my way through the crowd. Edward's eyes meet mine, he takes a step forward, one eyebrow quirked. He's been tracking me and that is a great comfort, but my pain is mine so I nod and smile, gesturing that I'm okay. He steps back but watches me all the way to the exit.

In a cubicle I press toilet tissue to my eyes. I take a few calming breaths and finally manage to quell my grief. I can imagine Charlie shaking his head and telling me not to be silly... to enjoy the moment instead of missing him. But I _do_ miss him, and knowing that it will never go away hurts so much. My back sags against the cold wall as I fight against my tears.

Finally, satisfied that the moment has passed, I exit the cubicle, place my purse on the shelf beneath the mirror and look at myself. My eyes are all smudged and I've managed to smear my lipstick too. I wet the edge of a towel and dab at the mascara smudges beneath my eyes.

I'm reapplying lipstick when the door swings open and Tanya walks in. Our eyes meet in the mirror and she stares at me.

_Great! Just what I need._

I turn to face her. 'Can I help you?' I ask, snapping the lid on my lipstick and dropping it into my bag.

She leans against a stall appraising me with clear contempt. 'You finally got your man,' she sneers. 'Took you long enough.'

'Go to hell!' I spit, brushing past her.

She laughs. 'He's a lying, cheating bastard, and he'll do to you what he did to my sister. And it couldn't happen to a nicer person.'

I stare her down. 'If it makes you feel better to think that, carry on. I really don't care what you think of Edward... or me.'

'Of course you don't,' she retorts. 'You just wrecked my sister's marriage and took off without a thought, while she was left here dealing with the mess you made. You're too fucking selfish to care about anything.'

I hear voices approaching and step forward.

'I have no doubt that your sister suffered, and if I ever run into _her..._ that will be different. But I don't owe_ you_ anything, so I'm not going to stand here and listen to your bullshit. Now get out of my way.'

The doors open and two women enter eyeing us curiously. I breeze past Tanya and let out a long sigh as soon as the door closes behind me.

Making my way back to the games room I see Edward standing outside the door. As soon as he spots me he comes walking towards me, his brow furrowed in concern.

'Are you okay?' he asks, when he reaches me. 'You look a bit... rattled.'

I tell him I was thinking about Charlie. I see no point in worrying him by mentioning the altercation with Tanya. He slides his arm around my shoulder and presses his lips to my head. If the hallway was a little less crowded I'd be tempted to wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his chest, but as it is. I simply accept the soft kiss he plants on my forehead.

I feel him stiffen and look up to find him glaring at the restrooms. 'Did she say anything to you?'

Without turning I know he's seen Tanya. 'We exchanged words,' I admit, already tired of this. 'But honestly Edward, it's no big deal. She was having a go at me on behalf of her sister. It's probably no more than I deserve,' I look up at him. 'But I didn't let her know that.'

'Why can't she just get over herself?' Edward snaps.

'Wouldn't you do it? Say, if Jasper had an affair and you were confronted with the other woman. Wouldn't you have some choice words for her, no matter how much time had passed?'

He presses his lips together in a tight line. 'I hate this. It shouldn't fucking matter anymore.'

I place my hand on his chest and he looks down into my eyes. 'It'll be yesterdays news soon enough. It's only happening because this is the first time we've been seen together... and Tanya apart, nobody really cares.'

He stoops and briefly brushes his lips over mine.

'I wish we could go home now,' I murmur, wanting more.

He looks down at me regretfully. 'I'm supposed to say something at the end... but I can get Emmett to do it. Just give me a little while to sort it out and then we'll go, okay?'

I nod. 'I'll go get Jacob,' I say.

'Emmett and Rosalie are in the kid's party with him,' he says and his lips curve up into a smile. 'He's made a few friends and he's really enjoying it. I think Emmett and Rosalie are enjoying it as much as he is.'

My heart warms. 'They'll make great parents,' I muse. 'You know she has this... schedule... where she's got everything all planned out? She says they have another two years before they even think about kids.'

Edward laughs. 'She'll be pregnant within a couple of months,' he says. 'Or I'll eat my hat.'

I take his hand and we start walking. 'Don't bother rearranging things, we should stay and let Jacob enjoy this. He's been looking forward to it for so long.'

'If you're sure?'

I insist that I am while we make our way to the kid's party. The room is full of squealing kids running around while loud music plays and coloured lights flash to the beat. We eventually make out Emmett and Rosalie leaning against the far wall wearing wide smiles as they watch Jacob dance... very badly.

'You were gone a while,' Rosalie remarks, leaning in so I can hear her.

'Yeah.' I nod still watching Jacob. 'I just needed a few minutes to myself.

'Everything okay?' she asks, pushing away from the wall.

I smile at Jacob who waves. 'Yes, everything's fine.'

After a while we all head back into the main hall. Edward introduces Jacob and I to some more of his colleagues and I'm relieved that there's no further sign of Tanya. When we get back to the table, Jacob repeatedly asks to go back to the kid's party.

Rosalie and Emmett leave the table to dance and Edward leaves check the schedule for his talk.

'I'll go with you,' Alice offers, smiling at Jacob.

'You don't have to do that,' I tell her. 'It's really loud in there. We're just giving our ears a little break from it.'

'I know I don't have to,' she says. 'I'd just like to take spend a little time with my nephew.'

Jacob looks up at me a little nervously, but I can see that he's still eager to get back to the party.

'You're aunt Alice is a lot of fun, but if you want me to take you I will.'

He looks at Alice who is smiling eagerly.

'Why don't we let your mom wait here so she can dance with your dad again?' Alice says standing up. 'You and I can go have some fun.'

Alice clearly wants the chance to spend time with him. I squeeze Jacob's knee. 'I don't mind coming too, but I'm sure you'll be fine.'

He rolls his eyes. 'I know I'll be fine, Mom.'

I watch them as they leave. Jacob looks up shyly as Alice talks to him while they walk. He looks keen to get back the party and I'm glad that I decided to stay. Still smiling I turn back to the table to find Carlisle sitting in the seat beside me.

'Jesus, it's like running the gauntlet tonight,' I mutter, taking a sip of my juice calmly. I turn to him not wanting to put up with any more of his bullshit. 'Don't waste your time.' My words are clipped and dismissive.

He ignores me as his eyes sweep over the room. 'This must seem like a different world to you,' he says in his annoyingly patronising tone. 'I don't suppose you're used to such opulence.'

'It's a fancy party, Carlisle, let's not get carried away.' I say without looking at him.

'Yes, but I doubt that someone who rents a tiny apartment above a restaurant and juggles two jobs is used to attending events like this.'

Instantly my spine stiffens and I can't help but turn to face him. I am hit with the urge to slap the smug grin off his face. It takes great effort not to show any outward sign of my ire. 'It's touching that you've taken such an interest in my life Carlisle, but you really needn't have bothered. There aren't any skeletons in my closet that would interest you.'

He chuckles. 'You misunderstand Bella, _I_ didn't check up on you,' he says with a grin that chills me to the bone. 'Edward did.'

'You're lying,' I accuse.

'Ask him,' he challenges. 'We can all see just by looking at Jacob that he's Edward's son, so that was never his issue.'

'There's no reason for him to check up on me then.' I counter. 'He knows Jacob is his. End of story.'

I glance at his fingers dancing on the table. It's clear he's enjoying this. 'He wanted to make sure there was no other man in his son's life. Lucky for you there wasn't... otherwise you wouldn't be sitting here at our table – you'd be sitting in a courtroom fighting for your child.'

'Don't you ever get tired of this?'I ask curling my lip in disdain. 'You're always chipping away at me... but for what? What's to be gained, Carlisle? Are you really that pathetic that you get a kick out of trying to hurt people? I'm not interested in your lies, go peddle them somewhere else.'

He tilts his head to the side. 'Okay, I guess I can see where this looks flimsy to you. But ask yourself this... how come Edward was so jealous of you and Mike Newton? If he thought for a moment you had someone else back in Florida, he would have called you on it. He wouldn't have wasted his time getting jealous of Newton.'

My heart drops like a stone in my chest. His words make some kind of sick sense, but how could he know that Edward was jealous of Mike.

'I know Edward better than you think I do,' he points out, making me realise that my inner question is written all over my face. 'I saw how much it affected him seeing you with Mike at your father's funeral. Mike was a very real threat to his plans for Jacob. He's not a stupid man, Bella. He knows the best way to have a real relationship with his son is through you.'

Remembering Edward's professions of love and the plans he is making for our future, I square my shoulders and look Carlisle in the eye. 'Nice try,' I say, even though inside I am raging that Edward has clearly kept this from me.

As much as I hate to admit it, I know his reasoning is sound. Edward was jealous of Mike. He never fully questioned me about my life in Florida. He asked me _once_ if I had a partner and accepted it so readily when I said I didn't... as if he already knew. Which I now realise that he did.

I turn fully to face Carlisle. 'I don't understand how that screwed up mind of yours works. But I do know that you are a horrible bitter man, and I don't want you anywhere near my son. Don't come near us again.'

I stand up deciding that I've had more than enough for one night. I see Edward holding court with a group of people in the far corner. His eyes catch mine and I turn away, not wanting him to see that I'm angry, Even though it angers me that he checked up on me, I can understand why he did it, but what angers me more is that he shared his findings with Carlisle and never told me.

'What's up with you?'

I turn to see Rosalie approaching me.

'Nothing,' I respond defensively.

'You look like you want to rip someone's head off,' she says. 'Talk to me.'

'Did you know that Edward paid someone to check up on me and told Carlisle about it?'

'What?' she asks.

'I shouldn't let that bastard get to me,' I say glaring at the table where Carlisle is still watching us. I turn away and focus on Rosalie. 'I know he's telling the truth, it makes sense. I just hate that Carlisle knew about this and Edward didn't tell me himself.'

Rosalie steps forward. 'Don't let that fucker get to you. What's he saying now?'

I shake my head. 'You don't get it Rosalie. It's not Carlisle that's getting to me it's Edward. Why didn't he just tell me? We've been here before. He always claimed he was being completely honest with me and he never was.' My voice catches. 'He kept things from me before, and I can't... I just can't go through that again.'

Rosalie grips my arms. 'Bella, think about it. Edward is doing everything he can to be with you and Jacob, if he checked up on you it was probably when you first came back.' She grips a little tighter. ''You need to talk to him... tonight. It's clear that this isn't really about what Carlisle said. This is about how he hurt you before, isn't it?'

'Tonight started so well but it's just there all the fucking time. There's always going to be something.' I rage before sighing harshly and shaking my head. 'I'm going to go get Jacob. I just want to get out of here. I'll talk to him tomorrow.' I remember that I haven't asked her yet if she'll take Jacob tomorrow. She agrees as soon as I ask.

Afterwards, I head towards the door relieved that Rosalie hasn't followed me. I turn to see her heading towards Edward and quicken my pace.

Before I reach the door I feel a hand brush my wrist. I look down to see Riley sitting at a table. 'Bella,' he greets standing up. 'You look lovely,' he smiles appreciatively.

'Um... thanks Riley... this isn't really a good time,' I explain trying to step backwards.

'Did you get home okay last weekend?' he enquires, ignoring my attempt to leave.

'Yes, I did,' I say and then I realise I'm being rude. 'Look, I'm really sorry about that. I was drunk, I don't normally behave like that and I hope I didn't embarrass you.' I sigh and frown at him. 'I realise I embarrassed myself.'

Riley chuckles. 'Don't be silly, you didn't embarrass yourself. Actually, you were very funny.'

I groan inwardly. 'That's sweet of you, but I really do have to get going.'

'Oh... okay. Maybe next time I see you in Mac's you can buy me that drink, you owe me.'

I know he's just trying to lighten the mood but it makes me cringe anyway. I mumble an apology and finally manage to get away, only to find Edward standing a few feet away.

'You were with him last week?' he says through his teeth when I reach him. His voice is low.

'I wasn't _with_ him.' My words escape on a harsh breath. 'He was there and I was there. Separately.'

As soon as we're through the door he curls his hand around my elbow and leads me down the hallway to a quiet spot. 'You never thought to mention it?' He glares at me.

'No, I never thought to mention it,' I say, pulling my arm out of his grasp. 'Because there was nothing to mention. We spoke for five minutes, he bought us a drink and that was it. Don't start pulling this jealousy shit on me again.' I poke my finger into his chest. 'And while we're on the subject of not mentioning things maybe you'd like to tell me why you never mentioned that you checked up on my fucking life and told that asshole Carlisle everything about me!'

'There you are!'

Edward and I both turn at the sound of Rosalie's slightly manic greeting, to find her hurrying down the hallway towards us closely followed by Alice and Jacob. Jacob is chattering to Alice and doesn't appear to have noticed that we were arguing.

Rosalie's eyes widen in warning as they dart from Edward to me. And I relax my stance and force a neutral expression. 'Edward, I think you're needed in the banquet hall, to give the last talk,' Rosalie says with a fake smile.

Edward stays still on the spot until Jacob speaks. 'Can I come with you?'

Edward holds his hand out without a word and Jacob glances at me as he takes it. 'Are you coming Mom?'

'I'll be along in a moment,' I say as Edward starts walking away with him. Alice looks hesitantly at Rosalie and me before deciding to follow Edward and Jacob. I'm grateful that she doesn't linger.

'Jesus Bella, I thought you were going to wait till tomorrow!' Rosalie exclaims as soon as they are out of earshot.

'I wasn't going to,' I argue. 'But he heard Riley mention Mac's last week and he's... fuck! I just saw red!'

'So did he by the looks of it,' Rosalie points out. 'Listen, I think Jacob should come home with Emmett and me tonight.' My eyes snap to hers but she continues before I have the chance to object. 'Do you really want to take him home and let him see you two fight?'

'We won't fight!'

'Bella, I don't think you can avoid it. Jacob will be fine with us. We'll tell him it's a surprise, you can bring clothes over first thing in the morning.'

Half an hour later, Edward and I are standing on the rain-soaked side walk waving a happy Jacob off as he leaves with Emmett and Rosalie.

Another limo pulls up to the curb and Edward opens the door gesturing for me to get inside. I climb in and grit my teeth when he slams the door after sliding in beside me.

* * *

Thank you for reading

Kat


	29. Chapter 29

**I'm afraid this is another chapter with wonky speech marks. Not sure what has happened, but I'm too tired to change them. I will go back at a later date and do it. I'm sure this is the last chapter containing this anomaly.**

* * *

In the half hour it took to make the arrangements for Jacob, some of our temper dissipated while we tried to put on a show of togetherness so Jacob wouldn't be worried. But the tension is seeping in again, I can feel it crackling in the space between us. I can hear it in his sharp sighs and feel it in the pressure in my jaw because my teeth are clenched so tightly together.

My back is turned slightly to him and I keep my eyes trained on the window as I struggle to put a finger on exactly what it is that I am feeling. Anger is the predominant emotion but it is laced with so many other things. Hurt disappointment and maybe just a little bit of fear. Fear that this could be the end before it has even begun.

I grip the limo seat tightly, feeling my palms grow moist from the force. For fifteen minutes I sit like that, gripping the leather upholstery, while the pressure of fighting to control my emotions, transfers into the strength of my grasp. The thump-thump-thump of Edward's heel bouncing on the carpeted floorboards makes my fingers curl tighter still.

From the corner of my eye I can see his knee bouncing, and I realise he is trying to keep a lid on his emotions too. I wonder if he's waiting till we're out of earshot of his driver before confronting this, or if he too is worried about opening this can of worms.

Beyond the few words exchanged between us while arranging for Jacob to stay overnight with Rosalie and Emmet, nothing more has been said. Neither of us put on a convincing show to Jacob or Rosalie; Edward's overly erect stance and my smile that, had I worn it for very long, would have left my cheeks sore was the thinnest ruse we could manage. Jacob's preoccupation with the delights of the games room was the only thing that prevented him from seeing what would have been painfully obvious, even to a stranger.

I root my gaze to the window, noticing nothing beyond the smoked glass.

I can't define the churning mixture of hurt, anger and disappointment that has the muscles beneath my skin sparking with the need to act – it's everything. The culmination of ten years of words I've needed to shout, of hurt I've needed to purge. I need to be calm when it's impossible to be calm... I need to be rational despite my thoughts whirling in a frenetic barrage of memories of being scared to face my father and tell him I was pregnant, of dejection at each pickup of Edward's voicemail, of my mother's tears when I arrived on her doorstep a failure. And Carlisle's words are the malevolent undercurrent fuelling it all – playing on a loop, like a reminder of everything I feared in the beginning. _He's not a stupid man, Bella. He knows the best way to have a good relationship with his son is through you._

The smugness of Carlisle's expression when he knew he had me is as gutting now as it was the day I realised Edward had betrayed me. For that's what his desertion felt like – a betrayal. A betrayal of every sweet word spoken and every emphatic promise made. Should this be a surprise? The implications of Edward's inquiries into my background bring dread into the mix of emotions that hollows my gut while pumping my veins full of fiery indignation_: He wanted to make sure there was no other man in his son's life. Lucky for you there wasn't... otherwise you wouldn't be sitting here at our table – you'd be sitting in a courtroom fighting for your child._

I've shown Edward my tears, told him my sorrows and let him make me trust him... and he's no fucking different. Still he chooses his family over me.

I risk a side glance to see his cheeks hollowed in from the clenching of his jaw. His knee is still bouncing erratically... almost violently now. His own anger is tangible in the air, like sparks from a bonfire, causing my skin to prickle and tiny hairs to lift on the back of my neck as my adrenaline builds in reaction to it.

He's no longer the weak man he once was, any more than I am the lovestruck stupid girl I had once been. The only thing I feel keenly is that this time, this time, I'm going to have my say. And though my stomach feels hollow from the fear that this could be the end of any possibility of a future for us, I'm going to dig my heels in and fight my corner.

I'm not going to run.

At last the limo turns and glides into the parking garage. Edward throws the door open and exits so quickly he practically vaults through the door. The cool blast of air that rushes into the limo, is most welcome as it dispels a little of the electric atmosphere surrounding me. I slide across the seat and look up to see him gripping the edge of the door with one hand while he holds his other out in an offer of help. Ignoring his outstretched hand I grip the door with a shaky hand to steady myself – he clicks his tongue in exasperation, and grabs my hand to support me as I climb out.

He lets go as soon as I'm out of the car, says nothing to the driver and stalks off towards the elevator. I thank the driver and follow Edward.

Again we are silent as the elevator climbs to his apartment. I want to speak but the emotion roiling within me is burning so hard in my stomach I can feel it right up to the back of my throat. When we arrive in his foyer, he jams his key into the lock and pushes the door open a little too forcefully, gesturing for me to enter. I step into the apartment and am only half way down the hall when the door slams loudly, causing me to jump in fright.

The loud crack of metal hitting wood has all the impact of a starting gun, and suddenly every bit of tension I am feeling erupts.

'Was that really necessary?' I shout, my heart beating wildly.

'Yeah!' he shouts back, glaring at me with the unmistakeable glint of challenge in his eyes. 'That's how I close doors when I'm fucking angry!'

'Oh you're angry!' I yell shaking my head. 'You paid someone to snoop into my private life and then told Carlisle about it and _you're_ angry?'

I spin away from him and stalk to my room as fast as the high heels I'm wearing will allow. As I stride down the hall, I'm intensely aware that he is matching me step for step. I try to slam the door, but he's too quick for me and his hand slaps against the wood as he pushes it back open. It crashes against the sideboard and his hand shoots out again steadying it as it bounces back towards him. I kick my shoes off so forcefully they fly across the room. One hits the nightstand and ricochets back catching Edward's ankle.

He glares down at it, immediately kicking it away furiously.

'You know, I'm not even surprised that you checked up on me, that's not my issue,' I yell. 'I just can't believe you didn't tell me and yet you told _him_!'

His fingers curl around the edge of the door he is still holding and his knuckles turn bone white as his grip tightens. 'That's_ exactly_ the fucking point!' I flinch at the loudness of his voice. 'You _do_ believe it! You believe that prick's word over mine.' His whole body seems to radiate fury as he steps into the room. 'How could you even _think_ that I would share _anything_ with him?'

'He knows details about my life in Florida. He knows about my two jobs, where I live–'

'You don't even remember do you?' he interrupts.

I stare at him blankly. His stares back with hard steely eyes as if waiting for the penny to drop. His mouth sets in a grim determined line before he huffs out a sharp breath and starts yelling again.

'You told me about your jobs and you told me where you live. _You_ told me those details.'

'So you're denying it?'

'No,' his voice has levelled. 'I'm not denying that I... looked into your circumstances. I'm just pointing out that the things Carlisle has told you are things that you told me. Yet you still believed him so readily when he took his chance to provoke you. You're right, the issue here is not whether I had you investigated or not, it's about honesty. Maybe I lied by omission before but I'm telling you the truth now... when I have ample opportunity to continue the lie.'

'But that doesn't explain how he knows about it. What was it? A lucky guess on his part?' I snort sarcastically.

Veins bulge in his neck and a bright red hue collects above his cheeks as his anger accelerates again. 'I have no fucking clue _how_ he knows,' he rages. 'And you can bet your sweet ass I'll find out – but right now I'm more concerned with your total lack of faith in me.'

I turn away from him but he steps around me, blocking my retreat, and glares down at me. I look up at him and the anger etched into every feature on his face reminds me of the day he confronted me in Forks.

'You were going to take him from me weren't you?' I scream, feeling my blood turn cold at the mere thought. 'If I wasn't single, you were going to take him from me. Is that what this is about? _Are_ you just using me to have it all?'

His fist slams down on the sideboard. 'How can you even ask me that?' There's a flash of some emotion in his eyes but I'm too far gone to pinpoint it.

'this is all horribly familiar, Edward. I'm out of the loop as usual. You shared the information you found about me with _someone _and it got back to Carlisle,but you never told me. Why would you hide it from me when you've been claiming to be honest all along_?'_

'I'm being honest now!' His voice is hoarse in his vehemence. 'You're so fucking guarded all the time. I knew this would happen if I told you about it. But let me tell you why I did it. You've kept Jacob to yourself for ten years,' he says, his voice low and menacing. 'I had no idea what kind of fight you would put up, it was pretty fucking clear you didn't want me in his life. I made inquiries because I needed to know where I stood... what I was up against, because there was no way you were keeping me from him any longer. But, I'm not a complete bastard, Bella, it was never my intention to take him away from you. I just didn't want you to take him away from me... again.'

_ '_You want full disclosure on everything, but you won't give the same courtesy to me,' he continues. 'You were in a fucking bar with a guy that works for me!' he roars. 'I overhear him telling you how much fun you were and that he bought you drinks, and you never mentioned one fucking word about him... What am I supposed to think?'

'You're supposed to trust me!' I yell, removing my earrings as I walk to the vanity. I hear his approach as I dump my earrings on top of it.

'Yeah? Like you trust me?' He bellows.

'You don't make it easy,' I snap. 'How can I trust you when you're still keeping things from me... like you did before.' Things I've wanted to confront him with for so long start to bubble to the surface.

'What things?' he challenges.

'You told me you weren't sleeping with Irina when you clearly were!'

'I explained about the night of Tanya's wedding.'

'You got her pregnant Edward, you must have been having sex with her on some kind of regular basis...' My voice catches. 'While doing the same with me!' The very thought of it makes me feel sick. 'Either that or you've got fucking super sperm.'

His mouth clenches tight, a muscle working furiously above his jaw line. He clenches his fists tightly by his sides, and when he speaks it is through his teeth. 'I didn't lie to you,' he insists. 'She went to Carlisle with some bullshit story about how we were trying for a baby and it wasn't working. That fucker – that you are so eager to believe over me – prescribed her fertility drugs–'

I can't hold back my cynical laugh. 'You expect me to believe that?'

He jams his hands into his pockets and his lips twist in a bitter smile. 'Yeah! Because it's the fucking truth!'

Gripped with the need to free myself from the trappings of the evening; my fingers rake through my hair searching for pins and yanking them out one by one. 'Why would she do that? It's pretty fucking convenient, don't you think? You expect me to believe that you had sex with her once and she got pregnant?'

'It only takes one time, Bella,' he points out bitterly. 'And as for why she would do that. I asked myself that question many times. My marriage was fucked up... you knew that!'

My fingers pause in my hair. 'I thought I knew that, but then you left with her!' I shout. 'You promised me you loved me and that we were going to be together. You told me you weren't sleeping with your wife but then overnight you went back on everything you said! Your wife was pregnant and you left town without a fucking word! So forgive me if I'm having trouble believing you now!'

'I fucked her that one time!' he roars so loudly his voice reverberates off the walls. 'It's just one thing in a very fucking long list of things I regret! '

Dumping the last hair pin on the vanity I rake my fingers through my hair, scratching out the itch in my scalp. 'You left with her and turned everything you and I shared together into something dirty.' I shout. 'That's the bottom line!'

'No it isn't!' His voice is vibrating with anger. 'What about your part in it Bella? You and your dad fucking lied to me too. And I'm not the only one who kept secrets am I? Ten fucking years!' he yells, his rage picking up again. 'You stayed away, you lied and you kept my boy from me. I've tried to see it from your side, I'm trying to make up for what _I_ did to_ you_, but you still won't fucking talk to me. You won't help me to understand why _you_ did that to _me_!'

He steps back and yanks at his tie, succeeding only in tightening it rather than loosening it. 'Explain it to me.' His voice is gruff now and his words almost sound like a plea.

Memories of those first weeks come crashing back to me. Pain blooms in my chest and each breath I take hurts. 'You just disappeared out of my life without a word. I was eighteen years old and you were the first person I ever loved. I gave everything to you... You were my whole world... I believed in you, I believed in us. You were my _life_!' Emotion overcomes me as hot tears start to fall. 'I loved you without fear and believed all your promises... I really thought you were my future, but you took all that away from me when you left me. How can you say you loved me when you cut me out of your life without a backward glance?'

I swipe furiously at my tears. 'While you were hiding away with your wife, I was desperately trying to see you. I called that fucking phone constantly, I sent a thousand texts. I was frantic. I drove to your house but I never made it up the driveway. I only wanted to hear why you didn't want me anymore, but I couldn't face hearing it in front of your family. I called the house twice, the first time I spoke to Alice and the second time it was Esme who answered. They wouldn't let me talk to you. I gave up trying to contact you and took to waiting for you in the meadow, hoping you'd come to find me – but you didn't.'

'You turned me into the town cliché! Overnight, I went from believing that I had a place in your life, to being the stupid little girl who believed everything the married man told her when he said that he loved her. You turned your back on me when I needed you most and left me behind to face the humiliation alone. We were both in it... but I felt like I was the one left to face it. You made a mockery of everything it was meant to be!'

My breathing is ragged as I struggle with my emotions. 'That's how it was for me. You were with your wife making plans for your future – while I was alone... terrified of what mine held.' I turn away from him and start to fumble with the zip on my dress. 'When I found out I was pregnant I thought I hated you,' I admit.

'So you punished me?' he prompts. There is still an undercurrent of anger in his voice, but I get the distinct impression that he's almost relieved to be hearing this, like he was baiting me all along in his efforts to make me say it.

'No!' I shake my head vehemently. 'I hated you for not wanting me. Everything I did was out of self preservation, I know that now, but I never acted out of spite. I didn't deliberately do it to hurt you. I just didn't want anything to hurt me or Jacob. I was scared and frightened of what kind of life we would have. Everything I had been looking forward to had disappeared, and I had to face a future I hadn't planned for. I made decisions based on fear and rejection and I was wrong. If I could change it I wouldn't have kept him from you.' Abandoning my efforts with the zip, I turn to face him. 'In fact, if I could go back, I wouldn't have slept with you while you were still married.'

There is a flicker of raw emotion in his eyes. 'I still don't understand why you didn't change your mind over time.'

The tension starts to leave me and my voice is much quieter now. 'You admitted that my age was a factor in how you viewed our relationship. Maybe it did for me too. When I thought about how it looked from afar: An unhappily married man was sleeping with a young girl, promising her a wonderful life. Then the affair is discovered and suddenly that same unhappily married man leaves town with his pregnant wife. I started to wonder if that's really how it was. I spent years thinking that you had chosen to make it work with her.' My voice starts to shake with the painful memories. 'I even imagined you were happy with her and your kids. I believed I cost you your career as well as almost ruining your marriage. I couldn't imagine turning up on your doorstep with Jacob and it ending up in anything other than devastation.'

'Charlie knew I wasn't married anymore,' he points out. 'You didn't ask him about me?'

'No,' I admit sadly. 'It hurt too much. We never spoke about you again. I didn't want to hear about you living the life you promised me!'

'But I wasn't!' he groans in frustration. 'One question is all it would have taken for you to find that out.'

'You claim to have loved me all this time, but you gave up and didn't try to find me!' I yell, banging my fist on the vanity, suddenly angry over our inaction. 'You clearly have the means. You didn't waste any time digging as soon as I came back!'

'We've been over this!' His harsh sigh is filled with frustration. 'We both made every fucking mistake in the book. But_ I_ want to get past it, I wanted us to talk about it so we could understand and forgive each other. I'm doing everything I can to make this up to you but you keep slapping me down! You're hanging on to things that we should let go. You're telling me I have to trust you but you won't even give me the benefit of the doubt. You're angry at me for not being honest with you and yet you are being far from honest with me! You didn't tell me about Riley–'

'Oh for the love of God! Riley is just... he doesn't even factor into any of this!' I scream. 'I ran into him in a bar when I was drunk. I spent barely five minutes with him. Tonight he only spoke to me when I was passing his table, he didn't seek me out. You're reading way more into this than you should!'

He snorts derisively. 'He gave notice two weeks ago that he was quitting. I found out tonight, he's leaving to work for James... you'll remember James – that _poor guy_ I was being an asshole to,' he reminds me sarcastically. 'There's no love lost between Riley and me – seems like he wanted a little 'fuck you' to the boss before he left. You were his best chance to do that!'

Before the intention even registers, my hand has ricocheted off his jaw with a loud crack.

'Insulting me doesn't justify your jealousy!'

'NO!' he bellows catching my wrist. 'This isn't just about jealousy, Bella! You're clinging to every little bit of hurt I've caused you, it's piled up like a ten foot wall around you and I'm the only person who can't breach it. Yeah I'm jealous, but have you ever thought about _why_ I'm jealous or why it fucking rips my heart out to know that you can be carefree and fun with other guys when I have to work so fucking hard just to get you to open up a tiny bit to me?'

I shake my head, stunned by the intensity of the raw emotion radiating from him.

His shoulders sag a little as he takes two steps back. I watch the emotion play on his face and hate the air of resignation that seems to be seeping into his demeanor. He starts to speak and his voice is much quieter but no less intense. 'You're different with them. It's easier. I've seen you with Mike and it was there again when Riley said how much fun you were. I'm jealous because I'm the asshole who broke your heart, and deep down I know it would be so much easier for you to be with anyone else than it is to be with me. I'm working so hard to make things up to you when other guys don't have to. You'd find happiness so easily with someone else, and every time I think about that it scares the crap out of me – because I don't think I could stand to lose you again.'

'I know how badly I hurt you,' he continues, his voice lowering further still. 'If I could take all that hurt back I would, but I can't so all I can do is ask you to forgive me and to give us a chance. I love you Bella, my life is nothing without you. Maybe if I was a better man I would want you to find happiness with someone who hasn't done this to you. But I love you and I want to spend my life with you. This is about me and you, not just Jacob. I can fight legally to be a part of his life, but I have no rights to be with you. Only you can give me that. I'm begging you to forgive me, and trust me, and love me... and to let me do all those things for you!'

His eyes search my face desperately. I can see the turmoil held within them as he waits for me to say something, but all I can think about is how desperate he is for me to believe in his love for _me_.

Snippets of the things he's said and done recently start to play in my mind.

_'Let's just figure out what's best for the three of us before we start worrying about anyone else.'_

_ 'You just don't see it do you? You weren't the villain of the piece, Bella. I was.'_

I think back to when Charlie got rushed to hospital that first day that Edward met Jacob. Jacob's plea_. 'I need you now.' _Edward's reticence in waiting till I gave the go ahead for him to go home with Jacob. He never pushed or forced me into anything I didn't want to do.

When Charlie died he came to me when it would have been the perfect opportunity to send Renee and be there for Jacob instead_. _But it was me he was there for.

_'I'm fighting now.'_

A lump forms in my throat when I remember Charlie's confession and how Edward handled it_. _

_ 'She's your daughter. You did what you thought was best.' _Even though his tone was filled with regret it was also filled with forgiveness. He's always blamed himself.

He could have manipulated me. There was so much going on in my life, he could have used any number of wiles... but he didn't. He's been patient and supportive and most of all loving, even though all he's received from me in return is cynicism and distrust.

A new hollowness settles in my chest when I see his features morph from desperation to something else... something I don't want to see.

Tears spill from my eyes when I see fear creep into his expression. He moves further away from me, jamming his fingers into his hair. I watch through my tears as he grips it at the roots and stares at me with abject misery written all over his face. 'Oh God! You can't can you?' he rasps, his voice low and filled with pain. 'You can't let go and you can't forgive me.' He swallows. 'You're going to leave me... aren't you? You're going to do to me what I did to you.'

His hands slide down his face, stopping over his mouth and tears start to form in his eyes. I recognise the emotions emanating from him, because I feel them myself. He is devastated at the thought that this is over, but the hopelessness I can see is hardest of all. I can barely stand to see it in his eyes, in the downturn of his lips. Despite everything I did to him and everything I continue to do he still forgives me and all he's asking is for me to do the same. And now he thinks that I won't.

All of it continues to play in my head. Everything he's said to me, all the new promises he's made, all the things he's done, the effort he's been making to get it right this time. The truth of it is there on his face, along with the desolation that he's feeling because he thinks it's all been for nothing – that I want nothing more than revenge.

The pain I'm feeling now is not from the wrongs we are guilty of but from the horrible truth that I am ruining this for all of us. The thought of going back to living without him aches more keenly than the old bitterness and pain I've held onto.

I've closed myself off to everything and deluded myself into thinking that I was opening up to the dream of finally having what I always wanted. But deep down I wasn't opening up at all, I was letting my fear still have precedence over everything. My fear, that if I let him in, he'll break my heart all over again. Looking at him now I can see that same fear is in him and all I want to do is take it away.

'I can forgive you!' I say, rushing forward and gripping his arms. 'Just like you've forgiven me. I won't lose you again. I can't!' I press my face to his chest and inhale deeply as my tears seep into his shirt. His hands grip my sides and I look up into his face. 'I love you Edward. Please believe me.'

His eyes search mine, while my fingers grip his shirt.

'I can't live without you. You're right... I already knew I was our biggest problem... but I've lived with this for so long... when I'm around you, it's like I'm back to being that scared young girl again. It still felt so real, the pain, the anger...the rejection.' My fingers move up to his face. 'I held on to all of it. I've been foolish and childish and bitter... but I _can_ let it go now. I can see what this means to you... I was too blind to see it before. Too wrapped up in myself.'

I pull his head down and kiss him forcefully as my tears start to flow again. His fingers dig into my sides as he groans into my mouth.

'I want to make you happy,' he insists, pulling back from the kiss. 'But we need to forgive ourselves and move on... it's the only way!'

'Yes, I want it too!.' I gasp, feeling a desperate need coil in my belly. I bring him closer to me again, looking deep into his eyes. 'Tell me you love me.'

He cups my face in his hands, brushing my tears away with his thumbs as he gazes down at me. 'I love you, Bella,' he says, his eyes filled with promise. 'I love you so very much and I _always_ will.'

My eyes flutter closed as the pleasure of hearing it – and believing it – courses through my whole body. He repeats it like a mantra as he peppers my face with desperate kisses.

My heart feels like it might burst it's thumping so hard in my chest. I whisper the words back to him, filled with the enormity of it at last. My voice trembles with emotion. But soon my words are not enough. I need to show him. I need to feel it.

Threading my fingers up through his hair I grip it close to his scalp, my finger clenching tightly as I pull him down to me. 'I need you,' I beg, scraping my nails across his scalp.

His breath huffs out sharply when his lips meet mine. 'Bella,' he groans against my lips before he claims them. He wraps his arms around me tightly and my heart soars at the intensity of his kiss as his chest crushes to mine.

My mouth opens accepting his tongue greedily as it plunges deep inside, but all too soon he breaks the kiss and presses his forehead to mine. His hands unwind from around me and cup my shoulders as holds me back gently. 'Bella–'

I can hear the reservation in his tone. 'I need to feel it,' I pant. 'To feel how it used to be, how good it _is_ to love you.' I press my face to the crook of his neck, inhaling deeply as my mouth plants wet kisses upwards and across his jaw. ' _Please_.'

His fingers tighten on my shoulders, digging into my skin as he backs me up. One hand slides around my waist, lifting me as he carries me backwards. My back slams into the wall and his mouth assaults my lips, his kisses becoming feverish. His body moulds to mine anchoring me to the wall with his pelvis, the heat of his iron hard erection permeating our clothes.

The dress restricts me and I can't open my legs to let him closer. He moves back a tiny bit and I slide down his body while his hands roam over the naked expanse of skin above my chest, blazing a trail across my collarbone. Goosebumps spring up as my whole body bursts to life beneath his touch. His fingers venture lower and I feel them snag the necklace.

'Take it off,' I order between heated kisses.

'The necklace?' he rasps, barely able to remove his lips from mine.

'Everything!'

His head snaps up and his eyes pierce mine. The bright flare of passion in them thrills me. His fingers fumble desperately with the clasp, while I tug at his shirt buttons and press my lips to every inch of skin that I expose. The necklace lands on the vanity with a metallic chime and then his hands are on me again, roaming all over the bodice of my dress – searching.

'At the side!' I gasp, flicking my tongue around his nipple.

He hisses with pleasure, grinding his hips forcefully into mine when I nip his nipple lightly with my teeth.

His fingers probe up and down my sides in his urgency to locate the zip. Finding it he tugs sharply, exciting me when I hear the distinct sound of material ripping. With the zip loosened, he tugs the straps down my arms, forcing my arms downwards – trapping them. He attacks the upper swell of my breasts, sucking forcefully and lapping his tongue into my cleavage.

Finally he pulls the dress down further, freeing me from the straps. My hands immediately return to his shirt and, dispensing with the torturous task of undoing buttons, I yank the material apart. Buttons fly as my dress slides to the floor.

His groan is loud when my lips return to his chest, and it grows louder still when his hands clutch greedily at my waist coming into contact with the satin basque. I smile against his chest when his fingers tighten before he steps backwards. His hands never loosen their grip on my waist as he stares down at me.

'Fuck!' he pants as his eyes devour me. 'You are...' He traces his fingers slowly up my sides and swallows hard. His eyes lift to mine and my breath hitches at the intensity held within his.

He turns me roughly, sliding his hands all over the satin. His lips blaze against my skin just above the satin ties as he cups my breasts in his hands. Lust sizzles in my blood as he squeezes tightly.

His thick erection presses into my ass as he pulls me back into his body, his mouth clamps onto my neck and sucks greedily. His hand dips and cups my pussy, his middle finger burrowing between my satin covered lips. My knees almost buckle at the feral growl that emanates from his chest.

'So soft,' he acknowledges, stroking deeper. 'And wet.'

Desperate for more I turn towards him and help him rip the shirt from his body. I palm his erection through his pants and he groans lustily as his hands grip my ass, lifting me and slamming me back into the wall. His hands take the brunt of the impact pulling my hips towards his own.

Winding my legs around his waist, I fist my fingers in his hair pulling his head back to gain access to his neck. I lick, suck and nibble as much of him as I can reach. My hips buck against his hard cock.

'Tell me you want me.' His voice is rough. I kiss him ravenously but he pulls back. 'Tell me!' he demands, louder.

'I want you!'

In a sudden blur of motion he whirls away from the wall and carries me to his room, where he plants me on the bed. Hovering over me his eyes fix on mine as he curls his fist around the sating thong. He bends and kisses me hard before he pulls the material down my legs and off in one fell swoop. He raises one large hand and frames my face – anchoring me to the bed – while the other spreads my legs before delving between them.

'Yes!' I call out as he plunges two fingers deep inside me. My eyes roll back as my body arches up off the bed.

His mouth crashes to mine. Teeth clatter, lips mash, tongues collide, and all the while his fingers pump inside me. Intense sparks of pleasure lick at me like flames. Releasing his grip on my face, he rises and forces my legs wide with both hands.

He inhales deeply and growls as his head dips straight to my center. 'Fuck!' he groans. 'You smell so fucking good.'

I cry out at the first lash of his tongue and writhe beneath him as he uses his lips tongue and teeth to torture me in the most exquisite way. My nails scrape his scalp as I grip tightly onto his hair, riding his face in my desperate race towards release.

'I need you inside me,' I demand still bucking beneath him.

His tongue swirls hotly around my clit, never breaking contact as his eyes rise to meet mine. My muscles spasm when I see the overwhelming need brimming in his piercing gaze. His eyes narrow as his thumbs part my lips, opening me wider to him. He sucks hard and uses his teeth, tongue and lips to drive me over the edge. My hips rise, my eyes roll back and my mouth drops open into a mute 'o' as a kaleidoscope of pleasure flares from my clit and spreads violently through my whole body.

His fingertips press into my thighs, keeping me in place as he works me through my orgasm. The walls ring with the sound of my strangled scream. When I can't take any more he turns his head, pressing fevered kisses to my inner thighs, rising to my abdomen until eventually he stands. I watch, still dizzy and euphoric as he opens the drawers in his nightstand and roots around inside.

His chest is still heaving and my eyes are drawn to his very prominent erection. The aftershocks still fluttering within me clench harder.

At last he's back and I reach desperately for his zipper while his teeth rip the condom wrapper. I pull desperately at his pants freeing his cock, and watch rapt as he rolls the condom down his rigid length while my fingers stroke the soft skin beneath.

His eyes meet mine and there is a wealth of emotion roiling in his dark green gaze. Words are unnecessary. Gripping my hips he pulls me towards him until my hips are balanced precariously on the edge of the bed. His tip nudges me and my hands fly to his face, taking hold in the split second before he thrusts into me.

We yell out in tandem as he fills me completely but there is no pause, his hips draw back instantly until he is almost all the way out before he slams back into me again. His eyes stay pinned to mine as he pounds into me relentlessly. One hand grips my hip tightly while the other curls beneath my neck. His thumb is firm on my lip as he holds me and I can't resist the urge to lick it and suck the tip into my mouth.

A sheen of sweat forms on his brow, his tongue flicks along his bottom lip, his mouth twitches but his eyes never waver. They stay sharply focussed on mine as his hips piston powerfully. I feel every inch of his cock filling me. The tip brushes the deepest parts of me, eliciting wild moans of pleasure with every stroke.

'I love you,' he growls, before removing his thumb from my mouth and kissing me viciously. His tongue is hot and firm as it strokes mine.

Wave after wave of electric pleasure sparks in every single cell of my body. My throat is rough and dry as I gulp in greedy breaths of air between kisses. His pace quickens and his head drops into the crook of my neck. His teeth nip the skin over my collarbone and his hands drag my legs up and around his waist, causing him to drive deeper into my body.

He grunts his pleasure into my neck, there might even be words uttered but the blood is rushing through my veins so forcefully it drowns them out. 'Edward,' I gasp almost incoherent with pleasure.

He swells within me and his thrusts become erratic as a loud roar fills the room. His teeth sink into my skin and I cry out as his cock jerks and erupts inside me. Hot tears prick my eyes as long suppressed emotions overwhelm me.

Our lips are frantic as we kiss wherever we can reach. Overcome with emotion, we chant identical mantras to one another.

'I'm sorry!'

'I love you!'

His arms slide around my body, enveloping me in his. The damn breaks and I sob into his chest while he rocks me gently. His heart is hammering in his chest and his voice raw with emotion.

'Don't cry,' he begs, smoothing his fingers through my hair as he clutches me to him. 'We'll be okay.'

His kisses are tender – filled with love. He never lets go till I'm spent and then apologetically informs me he has to dispose of the condom. He's only gone briefly before the bed dips and he slips beneath the covers and his welcome heat envelopes me again.

'Are you okay?' he whispers, cupping my face tenderly and turning me so he can look into my eyes.

I nod but can't speak around the huge lump of emotion that is still stuck in my throat. He presses a tissue under my eyes and dries my tears.

His lips are gentle on my forehead and even though some time has passed, his heart is still thumping when I place my head on his chest. I focus on his soft loving words and let them soothe away the last of my doubts.

Finally I look up at him and he smiles a little when I sniff loudly. 'I'm sorry, I just...'

He kisses the tip of my nose. 'I know,' he murmurs and a welcome sense of contentment settles in my chest.

His hand delves into my hair and quickly becomes entangled in the matted mess caused by the overabundance of hairspray in it.

'I need a shower,' I say ruefully.

He leads me to the bathroom and turns on the spray.

'This is... stunning!' he says thickly turning me again and paying more attention to the basque I'm still wearing. He bends and loosens the knot I inadvertently tied earlier.

The lace ribbons slide against my skin as he loosens them and finally pulls it free of my body. He turns me gently and his eyes rake appreciatively down the length of my naked body. His eyes shimmer when they lift to mine. 'But this is better.'

I smile and accept the soft kiss he drops on my lips. 'I loved making love with you,' he murmurs against my mouth. A small smile dances on his lips. 'And I can't wait to do it again, but I still want you to talk to me.' He lifts his head and looks down at me. 'I still want to hear everything about your life and what I missed.'

I nod, finally knowing that it's the only way we can heal.

He opens the shower door and pulls me under the hot spray. I feel its warmth relieve the last of my tension.

He takes his time soaping my hair and running the suds over every inch of my body. He lingers on my breasts while his lips find mine often. His fingers slide between my legs, cleaning me and teasing me at the same time. I half expect him to turn me around and take me again, but he doesn't. He gently guides me back beneath the spray and rinses it all away. Our lips meet frequently and he hardens in my soapy hand as I clean him.

His head drops onto my shoulder as he uncurls my hand from his erection, informing me ruefully that we have no condom to hand.

We wrap large towels around ourselves and he insists on towel drying my hair for me and smoothing out the tangles with his comb. Eventually we slip back into bed and I clamp myself to his side, my chin resting on his chest as I gaze up at him.

The soft smile playing on his lips is bittersweet and we simply stare at each other until I see the subtle change in his eyes. They darken a little and his lips turn down.

'I never let myself dwell on how hard it must have been for you,' he murmurs. 'I... I can't begin to comprehend how hard it was – especially now, knowing that you were pregnant.' His hand smoothes over my damp hair. 'I'm sorry that you had to do it alone.'

Turning my face to the side, I press my lips to his palm.

'I wish I'd been stronger. I should've been there with you... the pregnancy, the birth... everything that came after.'

I press my finger to his lips in an attempt to silence him, but it doesn't work. 'Tell me,' he urges.

All sorts of memories assail me, but it is his birth that presents itself most forcefully. Tears spring to my eyes and I press my cheek to his warm chest in an attempt to hide them. He doesn't push me, he simply holds me to him and waits until I'm ready.

'I know I said earlier that if I could go back I wouldn't have slept with you while you were married, but it's not as simple as that. I regret that you were married, not that I slept with you. Jacob saved me.' I force myself to look up into his eyes, balancing my chin on his chest. 'Those were dark months. All I could focus on was that I had lost you.' My lip trembles. 'There were nights I crawled into bed hoping that I wouldn't wake up in the morning.'

His hand stops moving on my back and a deep crease forms between his eyes. 'Oh Bella–'

I press my fingers to his lips. 'I feel horrible about that. Charlie would have done anything for more time and yet I was wishing my life away. I might have even gone back to drinking and acting out and, who knows... worse things.' I force myself to focus. 'When Jacob started moving inside me it was the most miraculous thing,' I explain, my voice croaking under the weight of my emotion. 'Until then there was nothing. Nothing to live for, nothing to hope for. Before that first flutter in my belly, I'd stopped caring about anything. But then with every day his kicks got stronger and in turn so did I. He was my reason to get up and force myself through every day. The reason I started to take care of myself again... because I had to nurture him.'

'

I smile shyly. 'I feel like he gave me life and not the other way around. I can't regret that. Ever. So as much as I regret that you were married, I can't regret making love with you when I did, otherwise I wouldn't have my precious baby.'

He nods and kisses my fingers, telling me without words that he feels the same way.

'The day he was born.' I drag in a deep calming breath. 'My mom was amazing.' Hot tears cascade down my cheek onto his chest. 'But she wasn't you. I cried for you the whole time. I needed you.' I look up into his face. Reaching out with my thumb I catch the lone tear falling from his eye. I start to apologise but he stops me.

'Share it with me,' he pleads.

'It was your hands I wanted to hold, and your encouragement I needed to hear. I missed you so much...' a sharp sob wracks my body. 'It should've been _our_ moment, not just mine.' It takes a few moments to compose myself again. 'When they handed him to me I was so happy and yet so sad at the same time. My mom immediately tried to convince me to call you.'

His eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

'She did,' I confirm. 'In fact, she spent the best part of a year trying to convince me to contact you.' I look at him ruefully. 'I should've listened, but I was so convinced that I was doing the right thing for Jacob, I managed to convince her too.'

He cups my cheek and I kiss the pad of his finger as it traces my lips. 'It shames me that you had to do it alone, but you did it so well Bella. He's... I feel like I have no right to be proud of him, because it's all down to you – but I am. He's amazing. _You're_ amazing. I won't let you down again. You and Jacob are my priority, I don't care about anything else.'

'You know where my regrets lie,' he murmurs, sweeping a tear from my cheek. 'But I'm glad too that we made him.' He pulls me higher and presses his lips to mine, kissing me softly. 'We can share it now. I love you both, you're all I want. Let's stop focussing on what we did and start planning what we can do to make ourselves happy. It's just you, me and Jacob... nothing else matters.'

A small flicker from earlier comes back to me.

I sigh. It needs to be said. 'I told Carlisle that I don't want him too near us.'

'I'm not going to fight you on that,' he says nodding. His eyes glitter darkly. 'What else did he say to you tonight?'

I grimace. 'I'm sorry for letting him get to me. I knew he'd pull a stunt and yet I still played into his hands.'

He sits up leaning against the headboard and pulls me up into the crook of his arm. My fingers sift through the soft sprinkle of hair on his chest while I talk.

'He was mostly claiming that you were using me. I didn't give him a chance to say anything more, I was too mad.' I feel him stiffen. 'I'm sorry. He played on my fears. The only thing I feared more than that was that you might take him away from me.' I press my lips to his chest. 'I'm sorry for even considering that you had told him anything about my private life.'

He squeezes my shoulder, shaking his head. 'I doubted you tonight too. I wasn't jealous because I don't trust you... I just never felt you were really on board with this... I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Deep down I've felt like I don't deserve another chance with you.I kept waiting for you to give the trust I don't deserve to someone else.'

'I never intentionally kept it from you that Riley was at the bar,' I explain. 'I just didn't really think about it again.'

'Maybe I wouldn't have over reacted if I hadn't just learned that he was leaving to work for James.' He huffs out a sharp sigh when I look at him inquisitively. 'It's an office politics thing. But that's immaterial. I shouldn't have taken it out on you... and I should've trusted you.'

He tilts my face up to meet his and kisses me deeply. He pulls back and focuses on my eyes. 'I should've _always _trusted you. I never loved Irina. I just never knew it till I met you and felt real love for the first time. I guess I just feared that – since I was your first – the same thing might happen for you.' He slides his thumb across my cheekbone as his eyes dip to my mouth. 'Don't frown,' he says. 'I know now that this is the real thing for both of us, I just wish I'd believed in it before.' His lips are warm and welcome as they cover mine.

Sliding over him I deepen the kiss, crushing my breasts to his chest. His hands slide down my back before gripping my hips. He rolls us over and settles over me. I cup the heavy weight of his balls in my hand, swirling my thumb over his smooth flesh as he rolls on a condom.

This time his sigh of pleasure is strong and sure as he sinks into me. The warm weight of his body over mine, the feel of him moving inside me, the sound of his loving words in my ear, fill me with love and hope

Passion rises again and his mouth is hot and needy as he plunders my mouth, swallowing my moans and replacing them with his own as our bodies become completely attuned. When I come it is the first orgasm I've ever had that isn't accompanied by a tiny negative emotion. There is no guilt, no uncertainty, no regret... no loneliness. This time it is all about love, contentment and pleasure.

Later – completely sated – I fall asleep enveloped in his tight embrace. When I wake the sense of peace I feel is almost alien to me but I allow myself to enjoy it just the same. It is still dark and I snuggle closer while a small snore escapes him as his arms tighten around me.

Energy is still buzzing through me as I dwell on everything I've finally acknowledged tonight. I know we have more things to discuss about our lives apart but for now I'm happy that worst of it is over.

I always thought I was empty inside, but I can see now that I wasn't. I was full. Full of cold emotions, guilt, regret, loneliness, sadness... the list seems endless now that I can recognise them all. No, I was never empty, if anything I was too full. Too full of the wrong emotions to let myself believe in the right ones. Now I feel free of that weight I've been carrying for so long. I don't feel empty, I simply feel lighter.

I feel like we've walked a very long road just to get here, but finally the door is open to us.

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**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	30. Chapter 30

**Thank you for the wonderful response to this story. You've been so generous with your reviews. There are 8 chapters left. I will try to get as many of them as I can up tonight.**

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I wake to the sound of whistling drifting into the bedroom. It's melodic and cheerful. My hand automatically slides across the bed and is met with nothing but cold, empty space. The last fragments of a dream I've already forgotten disperse as I sit up and rub my eyes. I smile. Edward is the one whistling.

Memories of last night bleed into my consciousness: shouting, love making, talking and falling asleep in his arms. I expect some sort of worry to set in, but it doesn't, and all I feel is a deep-seated sense of relief... and a warm burst of happiness curls in my belly deliciously. A small smile stretches my lips as I slip out of bed to use the bathroom. I grin at the basque still draped over the towel rack. The wet towels we slung haphazardly at the hamper last night are still hanging over it.

I run my finger over my toothbrush which is sitting in the holder beside Edward's and start to relish the thought of living with him – being with him every day. It was once a dream of mine that I had no doubt would come to fruition, and it took a long time to come to terms with it when the dream turned into a nightmare. The anticipation of knowing that the dream is now mine to have is exciting.

I stare at the toothbrush while I wash my hands and face, and find myself wishing that we hadn't wasted so much time already. I push those thoughts aside though and grab the toothbrush. By the time I'm done, all thoughts of wasted time are forgotten and I'm simply desperate to join Edward.

Realising that I have nothing to wear in Edward's room, I wrap a towel around myself, intending to hurry back to the other room to retrieve my robe, but when I leave the bathroom Edward is already standing in the room holding a tray. He's wearing a pair of grey sweatpants that hang precariously low on his hips. My gaze zones in on the enticing trail of hair that leads down into them. When he clears his throat, my eyes snap up to find he has a knowing glint in his.

"Morning," he says, smiling broadly. There are slight dark smudges under his eyes, and his hair is a riot, but he looks nowhere near as sleep rumpled as I do.

"I made breakfast." He sets the tray on the sideboard and moves towards me. His fingers toy with the tuck I made in the towel to hold it in place, as he sweeps his lips gently over mine, capturing my top lip in his mouth. His hands slide to my back and I step closer, inhaling the clean, soapy scent of him. Even though the kiss is brief, I'm still a little dazed when he steps back and pecks the tip of my nose. "Why don't you get back into bed? I'll go get the coffee before everything gets cold."

I take the opportunity to retrieve my robe, wrapping it around me as I hurry back and slip into bed. He returns with the coffee and places the mugs on the nightstand, before placing the tray over my legs. I steady it while he climbs in beside me. His body is warm as he settles in and presses himself against me.

"Just one plate?" I ask, looking down at the contents of the tray, which consists of one plate of scrambled eggs on toast and two glasses of orange juice.

"I had some toast already," he explains, lifting a glass of juice to his lips and taking a sip.

I smile at him gratefully. "Thank you, but you didn't have to do this."

"I know," he says, brushing his lips across my temple. "But I wanted to."

I end up feeding half of the eggs to him, and while we eat he informs me he called Emmett to check how Jacob fared last night. According to Emmett, Jacob had a lot of fun, slept like a baby and woke up far too early. The last part surprises me because Jacob is not usually an early riser.

I lay my cutlery on the plate. "I'll just take a quick shower and then we can go get him. I'll need to take some clothes for him too."

Edward takes the tray from my lap and puts it back on the sideboard. He'd stripped off the sweatpants before getting into bed, and is now only wearing boxer briefs. Despite our current conversation, I can't stop my eyes from roaming over the naked expanse of his back before lowering and taking in the delights of his muscular thighs. It feels like my libido is a monster that has suddenly been reawakened and can't be controlled.

"Rose said she washed his shirt and underwear and he wants to wear the suit this morning anyway," he says with a smile, and I blush a little at being caught ogling again. "I spoke to Jacob too, and he asked if he could stay there and have lunch with them. I think he's enjoying the attention they are lavishing on him."

"What time is it now?" I ask, leaning forward trying to see the alarm clock.

"It's almost ten."

The lateness of the hour doesn't surprise me. After all, we were awake for half the night. I retrieve my coffee mug from the nightstand, cupping it in my hands. Leaning back against the pillows, I take a sip and decide to enjoy the rare opportunity of having a relaxing morning. Some coffee sloshes over the sides when Edward comes back to bed, but I catch the drips with my hands while he apologises and raises my hand up to lick the drips off.

"I'll get up after I've had my coffee," I tell him, watching avidly as his tongue swirls over my palm. "It's just nice to enjoy the morning with you," I say on a long sigh.

His eyes are tender when he lifts his head to look at me. "It is." Arousal is bright in his eyes as he relieves me of my cup and places it beside his. He turns again and hauls me into his arms. The kiss fuels the fire that, up till now, has been a burning ember in the pit of my belly all morning.

His finger tips trace my jaw and then he smoothes the flat of his palm down my neck and chest until he reaches the tie of my robe. I look down and watch his fingers work on the knot and part the robe.

"You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, Bella," he whispers thickly, looking down at my body.

He cups his hands beneath my breasts, eliciting a sharp moan from me when he sweeps his thumbs firmly over my nipples. He glances up briefly before dipping his head and capturing my nipple in his mouth. His tongue circles hotly and the soft suction has me moaning again. My fingers rise to his hair as I keep my eyes trained on his tongue and lips feasting on my breasts.

My hands trail lower, tracing the hard planes of muscles beneath the skin on his back. He releases my breast with a wet pop and turns his face up to mine seeking my lips.

"I want you baby," he murmurs against my mouth.

Gripped with need, I push him onto his back and settle over him, planting my knees at either side of his hips. He reaches up and massages my breasts firmly as his eyes lock with mine. I stare down to see everything I've ever wanted from him reflected in his eyes, he barely blinks and his lids lower as his passion flares. "Kiss me," he demands.

I thrust my tongue into his mouth, and he slips one hand down my body and between my legs. We groan simultaneously when he feels how wet I am already. Forcing my hungry lips away from his mouth, I reach out and yank open his drawer – not caring if I'm taking liberties – and feel around until my fingers locate the condom box. I tip the contents onto the bed and when my teeth rip the foil he plunges two fingers deep inside me.

"Jesus," I gasp. "I almost bit through the condom." My words are slightly garbled as his fingers stroke slowly up and down my inner walls, curling at just the right spot.

He removes his hand and, digging his heels into the mattress for leverage, pushes himself up onto the pillows. The sight of his erection resting on his belly is stunning: long, thick and proud. My mouth dries as he curls his fingers around the base and holds it up to let me roll the condom on.

His skin is smooth and hot as my fingers lead the latex over it, rolling it down to the base where I sweep my hands across the tight sac beneath. I look up at his face and it is a mask of pure arousal. "Come here," he whispers, gripping my hips with strong, sure fingers.

Still holding the base of his cock, I position myself over it and, maintaining eye contact, lower myself onto him. Impassioned moans fill the room when he enters me completely. His hands brush up my sides, encouraging me to lean over him as his fingers curl around the back of my shoulders and his face rises to meet mine. Pulling his hips back, he presses his lips to my ear. "Ride me baby."

And with those three words he gently pushes me upright and lets his hands paint warming circles down my neck, chest and abdomen until he's gripping my hips again. I balance myself by splaying my hands on his chest, lifting and lowering my hips in a strong, steady rhythm.

"Oh yeah, that's it, tilt your pelvis," he instructs, using his fingers to help me tilt towards him on the downward thrust. Pleasure bubbles inside of me, rippling through my veins, shivering up and down my spine and erupting in soft gasps spilling from my lips. My breath catches in my throat when he rises and starts licking and sucking my nipples as they bounce in front of his face.

"You're so good," he moans repeatedly between wet slurping kisses. His hand curls around the back of my neck, bringing my mouth crashing down to his. His tongue parts my lips forcefully and he starts to thrust up with his hips, matching my rhythm.

My fingers grip his thick locks, riding him harder as he once again buries his face between my breasts, nipping at my skin with his teeth. The power of his thrusts increases, and I feel his hands tighten on my hips to anchor me in place while he drives his cock into me with ever increasing force.

Loud groans fly from my throat with each powerful pump of his hips. Heat begins to coil in my pelvis, spreading outwards, blooming up through my belly into my chest. When his teeth graze my nipple roughly the dam finally bursts and a high pitched moan of pleasure erupts from my chest and tumbles from my lips as I begin to spasm and convulse around him.

"Oh yes!" he roars, pumping furiously. His skin slaps against mine as his thrusts become wild in the throes of orgasm.

He pants hot breaths against my sweat-slicked skin as he ebbs inside me. The last ripples of my own orgasm weaken and die as I clutch his head to me, pressing soft kisses into his hair.

We snuggle close, lips to lips, chest to chest and pelvis to pelvis. It is with great reluctance that I finally drop to his side and watch – propped on my elbow – as he walks to the bathroom. I'm still lying naked with the covers bunched around my ankles when he returns.

"You're amazing," he says, nuzzling my neck. His eyes are earnest as they rake over every inch of my face while he smoothes my hair back, tucking it behind my ear. "Do you need anything? A drink?" He drops a kiss to my lips and his expression turns playful. "Another orgasm?"

I giggle as he nips my bottom lip between his teeth, grinning widely. "Wow, that's a really big head you've got there."

"Which one?" he deadpans.

"Don't get cocky." Before I've even finished the sentence we are both laughing hard.

When the laughter subsides, he turns onto his side – mirroring my position – and looks at me reverently. "I love this," he says, stroking my hair gently. "Having you here... at last."

I stare at his face that looks so different today. There is an air of happiness about him that I haven't seen before. It makes me wonder how he could have lived such a lonely existence for ten years.

"You've never needed a woman in your life have you?" I ask.

The corners of his lips turn down, and a deep crease forms between his eyebrows. His eyes are sad when he gazes at me. "Yes I have... you. But I spent so long fighting against it."

"This is not about recrimination –because God knows – I should've contacted you... but didn't you ever think about finding me – later?" I ask quietly.

He purses his lips tightly, and a look of sheer regret sweeps over his face.

I touch my fingertips to the crease on his brow and smooth it away. "I just want to know what it was like for you."

He rolls onto his back and then sits up fully, resting his elbows on his raised knees. I prop the pillows behind me and lean back against the headboard. I watch as he sits forward and rubs his hands down his face before looking back at me over his shoulder. "I don't know how to talk about all of this without sounding like a cold, unfeeling bastard, because really, that's what I was."

I pull the sheet up around me while he leans back again, taking my hand in his. I give his hand a squeeze, and he smiles a little ruefully before draping his arm across my shoulder. He sifts his fingers through my hair, kissing my head when it drops onto his shoulder.

"After Charlie told me you were at college and you'd met 'a_ boy your own age'_ my gut instinct was to keep looking for you. I thought if I could just see you once, I could convince you how sorry I was and make it right. But then every time I thought about those past months and how horribly I'd treated you, I just couldn't see any way that you'd forgive me."

"I really thought about what your life would be like. I thought about you enjoying yourself at college and doing all the things I'd had the opportunity to do when I was younger. Every way I looked at it, I couldn't see how you would want to saddle yourself with someone who had hurt you so much when you were out there seeing a different life."

I splay my hand across his chest and feel the steady thump of his heart. "I loved you. That was the only reason I needed to be with you."

He sighs and kisses my head again. "I should have believed in that."

"Why didn't you?"

He crooks a finger under my chin, tilting my head up to make me look at him.

"I won't talk about Irina if you don't want me to, but I can't really explain what was going on in my head if I don't."

I pull him forward and kiss his lips. Even though we've just made love, I still want to hear all of it. I want to get back to how open we were with each other in the beginning when we first fell in love. "I want to know everything," I assure him.

Even though he looks a little beleaguered, he nods. I lay my head back on his shoulder, watching as our hands entwine on his lap.

"My relationship with Irina was never like my relationship with you. I was always honest with you about that. I never felt that spark with her, that all encompassing feeling of loving and being loved. I was more seduced by outside influences. Like how Carlisle was so proud of me for finding someone of her 'calibre'." He emits a small, derisory snort. "I hadn't really had a real relationship. I dated a couple of girls in high school, but that was about it. With Irina it was a little bit different, and I read more into it than there was."

"I knew pretty quickly that I shouldn't have married her, but I thought maybe in time, when we had our own place things would get better. I was unhappy with every aspect of my life, but Irina seemed to be happy, my family was happy... I guess I hoped that I'd catch up with them one day, because that was all I'd ever wanted since they'd adopted me – to feel like I was one of them. Then I met you, and I felt a connection that I'd never felt with anyone."

He squeezes my shoulder and chuckles a little. "Of course, I'm not talking about the very first time we met."

I can't help but chuckle at that too. "God, I remember that. I nearly had a fit when they said Dr. Cullen would be performing the pap smear. I thought they meant Alice's dad... and just as I got up to leave you walked in. I was too embarrassed to tell you I was Alice's friend. Do you remember the first time Alice brought me home for dinner after that?"

He laughs. "I could barely look at you. You really should have told me you were her friend."

"I couldn't even speak. I was so mortified," I protest, swatting his chest. "It's funny though, because after that night at dinner – when I got to know you – I never thought about it again, It was like you were just Edward and that doctor was a different person entirely."

"We're getting sidetracked," he points out, and I feel his smile against the top of my head. I also feel it fade quickly when he resumes. "So, I knew the difference between real love and being infatuated by the idea of a relationship."

I look up at him curiously. "What do you mean?"

"I liked that my family was proud of me, and for a while I felt like I was doing something right. I was finally filling shoes I'd been trying to fill all my life. But it didn't last. When I fell in love with you it was real. Spending time with you was amazing. I'd found someone who understood me and who I understood in return. I could tell you all the little things I'd barely even admitted to myself, and I could see that you had grown up with the same awful feelings I had."

"Yet you still walked away from it," I state sadly.

"I know, and I can never adequately tell you how sorry I am," he admits.

Our fingers tighten a little. "I don't need apologies, Edward. We're moving forward now, but I guess I still need to know why... why I wasn't enough for you."

"You were _more _than enough for me; I just lost sight of it. You have to believe that, Bella. You have to understand that none of it was a lacking on your part... it was me who was lacking."

"But you didn't believe in my feelings for you," I remind him.

"I worried that I was your Irina," he blurts. "That you were infatuated with the notion of being with me, and one day you'd meet someone else and find that you didn't love me after all... I know it sounds incredibly arrogant... but it seemed valid at the time. In the maelstrom of what happened, with everyone telling me how stupid I was and how young you were, I foolishly lost sight of what we had. I started to look at it from the outside when I should have kept my focus on what was real... what I knew... what only _we_ understood."

My heart plummets, but like a masochist I ask for more. "Tell me about the day our affair was discovered." My stomach churns a little with the pain that my own memories of that day draw forth.

He blows out a harsh breath. "Bella..."

"Please," I beg.

His whole body tenses when he begins. His thumb brushes over my knuckles, and I can hear the soft thump of his heart get stronger beneath my cheek. "I've thought about that day many times. When I think how it started..." He pauses and squeezes me closer to him. "I remember how elated I felt when I was driving to Port Angeles to pick her up from the airport. Finally, I was getting my chance to talk to her. All I could think about was that she would be stuck in a car with me, and there was no way for her to get away from what I had to say. At last I could tell her everything."

"I was horrified when I arrived to find her mother standing beside her. Irina was very clever. She knew all along why I was so desperate to see her in person. She knew I wanted to leave her so she was buying time. God, sometimes I get so angry at myself when I think about how easy I made it for her to manipulate me." He grimaces and looks away from me. "Anyway, I couldn't tell her in the car, but I'd had enough, so I made up my mind that as soon as we got home I'd take her to our room and tell her."

"What happened when you got home?"

"There was already an argument going on. Apparently, Carlisle overheard Alice arguing with you on the phone. Alice had denied it had anything to do with me, but then Mrs. Stanley called and told Carlisle exactly what Jessica had been saying about us. We could hear them shouting and screaming at each other from the driveway. It was obvious right away what they were arguing about, and when we stepped into the house everything went silent and all eyes were on me."

"Irina asked me if it was true and, though it wasn't how I wanted to tell her, I admitted it on the spot. Her mother slapped me and all hell broke loose. Everyone started shouting and arguing again, and then Irina was screaming at me that she was pregnant." He stops and swallows hard. "My blood ran cold in that moment. I truly never saw it coming."

"I don't understand why she waited to tell you. I mean, surely she didn't have to avoid you... she could've told you sooner." I feel bitterness rise like bile in my throat. "And then you could've ended our affair and no one would have known."

His jaw tightens and the tension emanating from him is palpable. "Irina and I had talked about starting a family, but I made it clear to her I didn't want to until we had our own place... I guess deep down I knew I didn't want a family with her at all. It wasn't until after we split up that we had a big showdown about everything, and she admitted that she wanted to wait till after the first trimester, just in case."

"In case what?"

"Well, if I knew about the pregnancy and she miscarried, I would've found out what she and Carlisle were up to... and I wouldn't have tried again with her... You know, maybe this isn't such a good idea – us talking about this. I don't want to hurt you."

"It does hurt a little bit, but I need to hear it." I insist. There's a short pause while we both digest what's been said. "Um... I'm not versed on all this medical stuff, but if Carlisle was prescribing fertility drugs... didn't he have to test you both?'

Edwards voice is rough with anger when he responds. "His involvement wasn't exactly... on the record."

"What?"

"He was completely irresponsible. He put his own agenda over and above the health of the baby."

I turn completely scanning his face. "What was his agenda?"

His eyes meet mine. "Carlisle loved having the Denalis as his in-laws. He lived for the scraps he was fed at Eleazar's table. A mutual grandchild would – in his eyes – give him a more level footing. He would have the same status in the family tree as Eleazar."

My derisory snort is almost reflexive. "And yet he never considered you his son."

He kisses my forehead. "That irony did not escape me either."

"Clearly he knew that Irina's story about fertility problems was a lie," I deduce.

He nods. "It galls me that she was divulging our personal business to him. In fact, it sickens me to think that she could be so... inappropriate as to divulge details of her sex life to her father in law."

My stomach bottoms out. I can't even imagine telling Carlisle what I had for breakfast never mind anything more intimate than that. My thoughts return to the matter at hand. "So what happened after she told you she was pregnant?" I ask.

"Now I know why you've been reluctant to talk all this time," he says softly. He kisses my forehead lightly and his hand rubs my back slowly in a gesture of comfort. "Okay... so, after she dropped that bombshell she and I went upstairs. I told her that I'd still support her and the baby but that our marriage was over. That's when the phone rang... the one I used only for you. I'd thrown my jacket on the bed right beside her, but my work phone was on the unit beside me. When the phone in my pocket buzzed she felt it, then looked at my phone on the dresser and immediately went for my pockets."

"Was my name on the screen?" I ask.

"No," he responds, shaking his head. "But the way I dived at it when she pulled it free alerted her. She went ape shit and smashed the phone against the wall screaming that I'd never get near my baby. She threatened to make sure that it would know just what kind of lousy man I was. She started saying that anyone would make a better father for the baby than me."

His voice grows bitter as he continues. "I remember staring at the broken phone, while her words filtered through. I was torn because all I wanted to do was run to you, but on the other hand her threats brought home the kind of life I had with Carlisle. I couldn't stand the thought of my baby enduring that, of being raised by a bastard who would never love her or truly accept her."

"We argued about it all night. It was the longest night of my life... we were trying to reason with each other and begging each other for different things. In the morning everyone else got involved, asking me how I could cheat on my wife with a schoolgirl. I was desperate to get away – to see you, but I couldn't. I _was _worried sick about you, but I really had so much to deal with. I thought if I stuck around till we finally agreed on what to do... I could come to you and try to explain." His head drops into his hands. "I should've just walked out."

"But you put your baby first," I finish for him, laying my hand on his shoulder, hoping he'll see it for the comforting gesture I want it to be. "Just like I did."

I turn into his arms and we hold each other tight for the longest time.

Eventually, he starts to speak again. "I received a call on Monday informing me that I was suspended from work pending the investigation into Jessica's allegations. Irina's mother was due to go home that day, and in a whirlwind of decisions that were made on the spot I found myself ensconced in Irina's parent's guest house that very night."

"I never knew you were away. So that whole time I was driving up to your house , you weren't even there?"

I feel him shake his head. "No. I truly had turned my back on you." A small rumble sounds from his belly, and I wonder if his stomach is churning as much as mine is. "I look back now and I hate the man I was. There is no excuse for what I did to you. I let myself get caught up in Irina, the medical board, my family..." His voice trails off and something occurs to me.

"I always thought there was some kind of trial, you know, behind closed doors." I let go of his hand and rise up to a sitting position, pulling the sheet with me. He bends his knees and I lean back against them so I'm facing him while he lies propped on the pillows. My feet rest beside his shoulder. "When they interviewed me they said they would use mine and Jessica's testimonies, but we wouldn't need to appear in person since it was just an investigation by the medical board."

"No, there was no trial. They called me in and told me that there was no evidence to support Jessica's claims that I'd had sex with you while you were my patient or while you were underage. I could have continued to practice, though they advised that I should seek a position away from Forks," he explains.

"So why didn't you?"

He shrugs a little. "By then I was starting to see that I should be my own man," he looks at me. "I was twenty-seven-years old, and I'd picked a career that I didn't want, and I was still allowing Carlisle to have a huge say in my life. So the first step was to not be what he wanted me to be."

I swirl my fingers across his lower abdomen. "You made a success of your life by doing what you wanted to do... so you made the right decision."

"I only worked so hard so to lessen the pain," he admits.

I don't need him to go on and explain anything further. We were both stuck in situations that we could have fought harder to get out of. But we didn't, and no amount of thrashing it out now will ever change that.

I curl my legs beneath me and move up the bed into his open arms. "I love you," he whispers. "I'll spend the rest of my life making you believe it."

A burst of certainty assails me. "I already do." He strokes my hair lovingly as I nestle my head into the crook of his neck.

I must've fallen asleep because the next thing I know he's rocking me gently and telling me to wake up.

I blink up at him.

"We better think about getting up. I told Jacob we'd pick him up at two." His voice is soft and husky like he's been sleeping too.

An hour later, after a very rushed shower, I'm sitting almost sideways in the car seat and staring at Edward with a contented smile on my face. Edward is grinning too and keeps shooting me sidelong glances.

"What are you thinking?" he asks.

I grin. "Nothing... nothing at all."

He glances at me, looking confused.

"For the first time in ages, I'm just _feeling_. I'm not thinking, I'm not analysing, I'm not worrying... I'm just feeling happy."

He laughs and clamps his hand onto my knee. "I think I know what you mean."

Rosalie and Emmett live in an apartment block all the way across the city. It's not unlike Edward's except they don't live in the penthouse. Edward parks the car, and comes around to take my hand before leading me through the parking garage. He presses the intercom and Emmett buzzes us in. The elevators are situated at the end of a long corridor, and when we reach them he surprises me by not pressing the button but pulling me into his arms instead.

His warm lips cover mine and his tongue probes firmly, parting my lips before plunging into my mouth. He backs me up against the wall, winding his arms tightly around me and deepens the kiss. Every ounce of oxygen seems to leave my body as I melt into his embrace. I have no idea how long it lasts for, but when he's done I'm putty in his hands.

He presses small, firm kisses to my mouth, sucking gently on my bottom lip while I float back to earth. "What was that for?" I ask breathily.

"I just realised we're picking Jacob up, and I won't be able to do that for a while," he explains with a grin. "I should have made love to you in the shower," he says, frowning a little.

"We already made love this morning," I point out, flushing with pleasure at the memory.

"I guess I'm just insatiable right now," he murmurs, dipping lower and nibbling my neck. His mouth flutters all the way up the column of my neck before he rises fully and stares down at me. "Can't you stay one more night?"

I look up into his gorgeous green eyes, and I've never wanted to say yes to anything more in my life. "Jacob has school tomorrow," I say, my voice still husky from the pleasure of his kisses.

"I knew you'd say that," he concedes. "I'd come with you to Forks, but there's no spare bed for us to sneak off to."

Even though his words are lighthearted, my heart performs a little tattoo in my chest when I think about Charlie's empty bedroom. Sam and Seth took the bed away a short while after the funeral, and though I haven't been in the room for a couple of weeks, it wouldn't feel right being in there with Edward. But perhaps Edward wouldn't mind sleeping in there alone...

He strokes the back of his fingers gently down my cheek. I look up into his concerned gaze. "I'm sorry did I say something wrong?" he asks.

I shake my head. "I was just thinking that if you wanted to stay over you could use Charlie's room. I could put the camp bed in there, and I'll share with Jacob... I know it's not exactly what you had in mind but we could have some time alone when Jacob goes to bed. Oh, but wait... you have work, right?"

He nods. "I'm flying to Europe on Tuesday, and I won't be back till Saturday, so I really need to work in the office tomorrow. I've arranged for a few days off next week for Jacob's birthday. I could come and stay for a few days." He looks at me as if he's asking permission.

"I'd love that... and so would Jacob." I smile, but it quickly turns into a frown when I digest what he just said. "You still seem really busy considering your selling up to Jasper."

He thumbs the elevator button and grips my hand as we turn to face it. "I've always had a ton of deals going at once. I never really realised how much work I did until I tried to stop. It wouldn't look good on the company if I didn't see them through. It takes a lot to build up a relationship with our clients; I don't want to jeopardize that." The door swishes open, and we step inside. "But in less than a month they'll all be complete."

"And you haven't taken any more on?" I ask.

"Nope," he says happily. "I'm gonna be strictly nine to five from now on. I'll be there on a consultative basis mainly... and overseeing things when Jasper and Emmett are out of town."

Emmett is standing in the doorway wearing a huge grin when the doors open. He ushers Edward and I into the apartment and closes the door behind us. The grin never leaves his face and Edward and I exchange confused glances.

"Good night?" Emmett asks, waggling his eyebrows at us and jerking his thumb over his shoulder.

I glance over his shoulder to see a small screen beside the door that shows two images... one of the main entryway and another of the area outside the elevator. A blush heats my cheeks.

"Oh!" Edward says with a soft chuckle. "I forgot about that."

Emmett claps him on the back and moves past him down the hallway. "Obviously."

Their apartment is smaller than Edward's and is not open plan. It's incredibly modern and stylish, but nowhere near as sterile as Edward's. Jacob and Rosalie are sitting on an overstuffed ivory sofa playing cards. Jacob gets up and rushes towards us.

"Mom! Dad!"

He barrels into my chest, wrapping one arm tightly around my waist and the other around Edward's. Rosalie smiles at the two of us locked in Jacob's embrace.

"Hey," I say, kissing the top of his head. "Did you enjoy yourself last night?" The exuberance of his greeting has me just a little worried.

He looks up at me with shining eyes. "I had the best time," he insists, but I can tell by the furtive way he scans my face before looking at Edward that he's been a little worried too. "Did you?" he asks.

I stroke his cheek. "Dad and I had some stuff to figure out... but I guess you knew that, huh?"

His brow creases, much like Edward's did earlier. "Did you guys fight?" He steps back and kicks his toe into the carpet. "Were you yelling at each other?"

Edward steps forward and kneels in front of Jacob. Jacob stares into Edward's face expectantly. "We're okay now. We just needed some privacy so we could talk about some things that we really needed to say to each other," he explains gently. "Have you ever had a fight with one of your friends and then you make up and it's all forgotten about?" Jacob nods. "Well, that's all we did. We had a bit of an argument and now everything's okay."

Jacob stares at Edward, looks at my smiling face and then back to Edward. He nods. "I don't want you guys to fight."

Edward rises, giving Jacob's temple a quick kiss en route. "I don't want us to fight either, but we can't promise never to disagree on anything," he says.

Jacob seems satisfied with this, takes the bag of clothes I offer him, and goes off to change. Edward and I sit on the sofa beside Rosalie while Emmett takes a chair. I thank them for having Jacob, and they fill us in on their night, telling us that Jacob was fine until a little while ago when he started to get a bit antsy.

Last night it didn't seem at all like he'd picked up on our sour mood, but he's probably had time to process it and must've started piecing together the signs.

"So it looks like you two sorted things out?" Rosalie ventures, eyeing us both.

"We did," I say, glancing at Edward. "At last."

I'm relieved when Jacob comes back quickly, preventing us from having any chance of a proper conversation. I feel like I've talked enough to last me a lifetime, and all I want to do is get Jacob back to Edward's and spend some time with them before we have to go home.

Jacob talks all the way back to the apartment about how much he enjoyed staying with Emmett and Rosalie. He's a little more animated than usual. I can tell some of his exuberance is borne of relief, which makes me feel bad that he's been worrying about us this morning.

We can only spend an hour at Edward's before it's time to leave for Forks. He and Edward play the Xbox, while I pack up our things. It proves difficult for me not to replay the events of the last twenty-four hours in my head.

Edward joins me in the bedroom when I'm almost finished. I'm inspecting the ruined zip on my dress when he comes up behind me and rubs a small circle on my back. "Sorry," he whispers, brushing his lips across the sensitive spot where my neck curves to my shoulder. A small shiver of pleasure shimmers down my spine.

Memories of last night swirl through me in warm waves of bliss. "It wasn't your fault." I smile.

He slides his hands down to my hips and turns me to face him. Hooking my hands around his neck I open my mouth and accept his kiss gladly. Arousal thrums through my veins as I taste his tongue and lips eagerly. His hair is soft and silky, and I can't resist running my fingers through it.

"It's going to be even harder to be away from you two now," he laments, sliding the tip of his nose down mine. His breath is warm and sweet on my face. "But..." He sighs. "It'll give me the impetus to work harder than ever to get these deals done." His smile is warm, but I can feel his reluctance as his fingers linger on my hips as he lets me step out of his embrace.

"I'll miss you too," I admit. "But when I think how quickly the last few months have passed... we'll be together in no time at all."

I zip up our bag and turn to hang the dress in the closet. Edward watches my every move with his arms folded across his chest. He grabs the bag before I reach it, and carries it out of the room for me. I turn to face him.

"I'm going to start looking at colleges this week," I whisper, as he kisses me again in the doorway. "And maybe when you come next week, we can start looking at houses?"

He smiles.

I spend the vast majority of my week cleaning the house and disposing of everything that I don't want to keep, in preparation for putting it on the market. Mike calls round on Thursday when I'm out in the yard struggling with Charlie's decrepit lawnmower.

"Need any help?" he calls, striding across the grass.

I cup my hand over my eyes, squinting against the rare burst of early afternoon sunshine. "Sure," I reply, yelling over the noise of the mower. "You can go in and bring me out some lemonade. It's in the fridge."

"Why don't you get the lemonade and I'll cut the grass," he says with an impish grin.

Shutting the lawnmower off, I swat his arm. "What? You don't think I can cut the grass?" I challenge.

He rubs a hand over the back of his neck and looks down at the small patch I've cut. "How long you been out here?"

"A half-hour." I pout.

He smirks. "Yeah, I don't think you can cut the grass. You're doing it wrong." He places a hand on my shoulder and gently pushes me till I take a step back. "Go get the lemonade woman," he says in his best caveman imitation. He squints down at the lawnmower. "I'm surprised this thing still works. The grass is so long." He turns it over and pulls a thing strip of metal out of the base before jamming it into the back wheel. He looks up at me while twisting the metal into a groove in the wheel . "You need to raise the wheels when the grass is this long," he explains. "The grass is so long it's choking the blades." He looks at me as if he's explaining something as simple as breathing to me.

I stick my tongue out at him and head into the house to fetch the lemonade. I sit on the step watching as Mike finishes the job in less time than it took me to cut a five foot square patch. When he's done he sits down beside me and accepts the glass of lemonade I pass to him.

"So, how're things going with your girl?" I ask once he's finished downing all of it in one go.

He swipes the back of his hand across his lips, and I can't help but smile when I watch them spread into a wide grin. He turns and looks at me, still grinning, and simply raises his eyebrows at me. "How're things going with your boy?" he mocks gently.

This makes me laugh. "Okay, so I'm ridiculous. Just answer the question."

"It's going great. She met the girls a couple of weeks ago, so she comes round more," he says with a small smile playing on his lips as he speaks.

"That's great," I enthuse. "And how did the girls take meeting her?"

"They like her..." He pauses and sneaks a sidelong glance at me. "Yes... even Amy. "

I blush guiltily because he's pinpointed exactly what I was thinking. "What's her name?"

"Claire." It sounds like a soft sigh when he says it, and I am thrilled to see him looking so happy and in love.

"Sometimes I worry that we're rushing things. I haven't known her that long... but it just feels right, you know?" he says, picking up a small stone at his feet and tossing it across the yard.

I touch his arm. "Yes," I agree. "Life's too short to waste time worrying. Just go with what feels right for you and your girls... and Claire. Screw everyone else."

He slides his arm across my shoulder and pulls me close. "I hope you're taking that advice yourself."

He rests his chin on top of my head. "I am. After Jacob finishes school, I'm going back to Florida to pack up and then we're moving to Seattle to live with Edward."

He pulls back and looks down at me. His eyes are narrowed in question but there is no hint of disapproval or judgement in them. "That's a big step," he says. "I won't insult you by asking if you're sure. I can see that you are." His eyes narrow further. "In fact, I was wondering why you were grinning like a fool when you were cutting the grass," he adds with a chuckle. "He better treat you right this time."

"He is," I say. "We've both paid for our mistakes long enough. We just want to be happy now."

He squeezes my shoulder and releases me. "That's all any of us wants," he muses.

I bring more lemonade out and we sit on the porch for the remainder of the afternoon talking about everything that's going on in our lives. A slight melancholy settles over us, and it's not hard to figure that we're both realising that we won't be seeing a lot of each other soon. Mike is quite possibly the best friend I've ever had, and part of me wishes that we could still see each other almost everyday at the school gates, or run into each other in town on a regular basis.

When it's almost time to pick the kids up from school, I decide to invite him over for Jacob's birthday.

"Listen, it's Jacob's birthday next week. I'm thinking of having a little party for him. Nothing major, just a few friends from school... and maybe the Clearwaters. If it's nice, I could have a barbecue. You should bring Claire and the girls."

"No Cullens?" he asks, arching an eyebrow.

"Edward will be here," I say.

He nods knowingly. "So his asshole dad is still an asshole?"

I drain the last of my lemonade. "Still an asshole."

"And Edward won't mind me coming?" He looks sceptical, even though I've just spent the last hour or so telling him how different things are now.

"Like I said, Edward and I cleared the air about a lot of things this weekend," I tell him. "But even if we hadn't, you know me... I'm not going to give up on my friend." I nudge him with my shoulder.

He grins at me. "You know, you should be careful," he says.

I frown at him, confused by his grin. "Why?"

"Well... with that huge weight that's been lifted from your shoulders, you might float away."

I roll my eyes. "Wow! Your lameness knows no bounds," I quip.

Later that night, when I'm washing the dishes and Jacob is talking to Edward on the phone, I start to worry about Edward's family. I definitely don't want Carlisle to come here for Jacob's birthday, so I can't invite Esme. If I invite Rosalie and Emmett, then Alice and Jasper will expect an invite too – and then if those four are here Esme will wonder why I didn't invite her. I stare down at my hands immersed in bubbles while I contemplate this conundrum. It shouldn't matter to me, but if we're going to be living in Seattle it will be awkward having a relationship with only part of Edward's family.

"– wants to talk to you."

Realising Jacob is speaking to me, I turn to see him holding the phone out to me. "Okay, sweetie, go up and take a bath. I've put your clothes out for tomorrow," I say, drying my hands on a dish towel.

He kisses my cheek and scampers off up the stairs.

"Hey," I greet.

He greets me in the same fashion and his voice is smooth like chocolate down the line. Even though we've talked every day this week, I still feel that now familiar little jolt of happiness when I hear his voice.

I lean my hip against the counter, cradling the phone to my ear as if it will bring me closer to him. "You must be exhausted," I say, glancing at the clock and working out the time difference.

"Not really. Jet lag has its advantages, besides, it's only one a.m."

"So you're in bed?" I ask, just like I did last night. Only this time Jacob isn't asleep, so I can't go down the same route.

His chuckle is deep and seductive. "I had a good time last night," he murmurs. "But I'm guessing since Jacob is awake, we can't have a repeat performance."

"No... and since you'll be travelling back this time tomorrow, there won't be one then either," I tease.

"Hmm... then maybe I can catch the live show on Sunday?"

"Maybe."

There's a low rumble down the line. "Okay... for the sake of my frustration levels, let's move onto safer topics. How was your day?"

Instead of bringing him up to date with the unexciting nature of my day, I take the opportunity to talk to him about Jacob's birthday party and voice my concerns about who to invite. I tell him that I'm planning to invite Jacob's friends from school along with Mike and the Clearwaters.

"Why not just leave it at that then?" he suggests. "I'd like the first birthday I get to celebrate with him to be drama free..." He pauses. "I already spoke to Esme earlier... we can talk about that when I get back," he says cryptically. "I'll talk to Emmett and Alice and make them understand... maybe later we could do something for him in Seattle, but I like the idea of it just being us... and your friends from Forks."

"You know I never thought about it being the first birthday you'll spend with him. We can just do something for the three of us," I offer, feeling selfish for not considering it sooner.

"No... just do what you planned. I'm so happy to be a part of it but I don't want you to do anything differently, anything that you wouldn't normally do just to please me. It's Jacob's day."

"Okay... you can help me arrange it when you're here."

I can hear the smile in his voice when he agrees. We talk for a little while longer, but mindful that Jacob is in the bath I have to reluctantly end the conversation after less than fifteen minutes.

I clean up the mess Jacob has left in the bathroom while he gets ready for bed in his room. When he calls to tell me he's ready, I go in and sit on the edge of his bed. We make a list of the people he wants to invite and an argument ensues when I try to restrict the numbers. After reaching a strained compromise, I tell him to go to sleep and I take the list downstairs and put it on the kitchen table, ready to write the invites later.

I go back upstairs and gather the clothes from the laundry hampers and make my way downstairs to the back room. Just as I reach the bottom of the stairs there is a soft knock on the door.

I stare down at the pile of laundry in my hands and call out, "Just a minute." I rush into the back room and dump the laundry on top of the machine before heading back to answer the door.

I frown at my watch. It's late for visitors and I wonder who would be calling at this hour.

I open the door and am surprised to see Esme standing on the porch... looking nervous.

"Esme?"

Her hands are clasped tightly in front of her, twisting slightly when she looks up at me. "Can we talk?" she asks quietly.

* * *

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	31. Chapter 31

There was a time when each knock on my front door sent me to it with the hope there would be a Cullen standing there when I opened it. I always hoped for Edward, but I got so desperate any one of them would've sufficed. I thought I needed to talk to them to explain myself and to ask for their explanations in return, however, the day Alice turned up on my doorstep changed all that. I knew it was only Edward I needed to see, and if he wasn't coming, I didn't want to speak to anyone.

I have that same feeling now when I stare back at Esme. If she's here to fight Carlisle's corner I don't want to listen. I remain standing in the doorway, not holding the door open to her, but blocking it instead. She is watching me expectantly. Her eyes are trained on my face, her lips a tight line and all the while she is wringing her hands.

"It's late," I state flatly.

"I know," she says, and it sounds like an apology. "I'm sorry, but I wanted to wait until I thought Jacob might be in bed." Her voice lilts up at the end of the sentence like she's asking me to confirm that he is.

I nod. "He's just gone to bed."

A car passes by and she turns and looks at it, her eyes following the taillights as it travels along the street. "I really do need to talk to you," she says, still watching the car before turning back to me when she's finished speaking.

For a moment I consider closing the door, not just on her but on all of it – but then I remember that even though they did this to me years ago, I am better than that. Taking a step back, I pull the door wide and invite her in. She follows me to the kitchen where I gesture for her to take a seat. I stand in the middle of the floor while she sits down.

"Would you like a drink? Wine? Coffee? Water?"

"Water will be fine. Thank you," she says, unbuttoning her jacket.

I take two bottles from the fridge, handing one to her before taking a long pull of my own. As I'm wiping my lips I notice she's still looking down at her bottle. "Oh! A glass... right." I say, turning and taking a glass from the cupboard. I forgot Esme is too much of a lady to drink straight from the bottle.

I pull a chair out and sit down. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?" I ask, even though I don't really want to know.

"I wanted the chance to apologise to you properly," she says after taking a sip from her glass.

I rub my fingers through my hair and try hard not to sigh. "Esme... I appreciate that but, and I don't mean to sound rude, apologies are no good to me. I tried to put my own feelings aside and let my son meet his family, but I can't–"

Her hand tilts up slightly as if she's stopping traffic. "I'm sorry to interrupt you Bella, but I'm not here to ask you to give us another chance or anything like that. I'm here to apologise to you, and to tell you that I respect your decision not to include us in the new life you and Edward are building with Jacob."

I'm a little surprised that she's saying this, but I remember that Edward said he spoke to her earlier and realise that – despite what she says – she probably is here to try to make excuses for Carlisle. "I take it Carlisle told you his version of what happened at the ball," I say, screwing the lid back on my water bottle and setting it on the table. I pull my chair a little closer and rest my forearms on the table.

Her face crumples slightly, and for an awful moment I fear she might cry. But she doesn't, instead she drags in a deep, slightly shaky breath and continues speaking. "Yes, we had an argument after Edward called." My eyes snap up to hers, and I ask her how angry Edward was when he called. "That's the thing," she responds. "It might have been easier if he was ranting and raving, but he wasn't. He calmly told me what happened and said he'll come to see me one last time when he gets home and then..." Her voice cracks at last. "It's over. I won't be seeing my son anymore."

Maybe if my heart was harder I would suspect that this is some kind of ruse to get me to feel sorry for her and offer to talk to Edward, but there is no pleading look in her eyes or self-pity in her tone. She looks and sounds like she has resigned herself to this fate, and I can't help but think how devastated I would be if I ever lost Jacob.

"I'm not here to ask you to do anything for me. I just want to have closure with you... on good terms if possible," she continues. "Perhaps it will go some way to making this a little bit easier."

There's a pause while we both contemplate that.

"Why does Carlisle hate him so much?" The question is out before I even realised I was thinking it.

Her lips twist downwards a little and she clasps her fingers in front of her, tilting them as if she's examining her wedding rings. "If you had asked me that question several years ago, I would've gotten angry and denied it." She looks up briefly before turning her attention back to her rings. "But now that I've started to look back, I have no argument against it. Carlisle's abhorrent treatment of you is quite clearly borne of his... need to ruin any chance Edward has at happiness."

I wait patiently while she seems to struggle with where to start. When she speaks, her eyes don't lift to mine again. "Since that day the three of you came for dinner, I've been reflecting on my life. There's a saying: There are none so blind as those who will not see. That saying could've been written specifically for me. Edward's call tonight brought matters to a head."

"Esme," I say quietly, stretching my fingers a little bit but not quite touching her. "You don't have to do this. I appreciate that you came here, but Edward and I need to do what's right for us, and being around Carlisle is not good for us."

She nods sadly. "I know, that's why I'm not asking you to change your mind..." Her voice wobbles on the last words. "Oh!" She gasps suddenly, and her fingers fly to her face to catch a tear that spills from her eyes. Her lips are trembling, and I touch her hand then. "I'm sorry, I really didn't want to cry–"

"It's okay," I insist, rising to get her a tissue, but she is already pulling one from her bag before I have the chance.

Her chair scrapes loudly across the floor tiles when she stands abruptly. "I should go," she chokes out, grabbing her bag. "I haven't really had time to process this..." She looks at me sadly. "I just had to get out of the house. I didn't realise where I was going till I pulled up outside your house. I'm so sorry," she says finally, turning towards the door.

Part of me wants to let her go, but it's not in my nature to turn someone away when they are so upset. I catch up to her in the hallway and hook my fingers around her arm. She stops but doesn't turn around.

"I'll make some tea."

Her shoulders sag. She turns towards me with a hesitant look before she finally nods; her expression is grateful but sad. I tell her to make herself comfortable in the living room, recognising that she probably needs a few moments alone to compose herself.

I head to the kitchen and seek out the box of chamomile tea I bought a while ago to replace my part-time smoking-under-stress habit. I took to drinking it on the porch instead of smoking and since I wasn't that much of a smoker anyway it worked. I feel like we could probably both use something to calm us a little, for what is sure to be an emotional conversation.

When I return with the tea, I find her perched on the edge of the sofa. She looks more composed but somewhat embarrassed. I rebuff the apologies she begins to issue and set her tea down on the coffee table in front of her. She thanks me as I settle myself into Charlie's chair and take a sip of tea.

"I swear I didn't come here to turn on the waterworks," she insists, setting her cup down and smoothing a trembling hand over her hair. She slides back a little farther on the sofa, and her shoulders drop as she starts to relax a little. "Edward told me what Carlisle said to you at the ball. I feel responsible for him finding out about the report," she says. "I have a key to Edward's apartment and sometimes, if I have a late meeting in town for the charity, I stay there. Edward used to be away a lot and was rarely ever there, so it was also an opportunity to keep an eye on the place for him."

She goes on to explain that Carlisle picked her up from Edward's apartment not long after he had returned from Brazil. The report from the private investigator Edward had hired was on his desk and Carlisle read it. I can tell by the way her voice turns bitter that this is new information to her. Her voice rises and her lips purse tightly, anger seeping into her tone as she expresses her outrage that he would do such a thing and use it to try to sabotage everything Edward wants so badly.

"Despite how it looks, I'm not a stupid woman, Bella," she insists. "I've always known that Carlisle never fully accepted Edward, but given his history with Edward's father I sort of understood why he didn't treat him the way I did – like a son. But I never realised just how bad things really were."

"How could you_ not_ see it?" I ask, unable to keep the disbelief out of my tone. "I remember it clearly. The horrible way he spoke to Edward in front of others. Sure, he tried to mask it with humour sometimes, but there was nothing funny about attempting to belittle Edward at every turn."

Her head bows a little. "I hated that too. I always felt like the go-between, tempering Carlisle's harsh tongue while making excuses for him to Edward. While I knew it was a horrible situation, it seemed no different to me than any other family who has to cope with personality clashes within the family. I was unaware of how mean Carlisle was in private... and Edward never said anything... until now." Her eyes lift guiltily to mine.

A heavy ache settles in my chest when I think of Edward being so young and so desperate to fit into the family. There is no doubt in my mind that Esme truly loves him, but she completely failed him too.

"Carlisle has always been a loving husband and father. Alice is a real daddy's girl and he treated her like his little princess while Emmett has always been so full of energy and confidence it was easy for Carlisle to be proud of him. Edward was different... He was so broken when he came to us. Carlisle was against the idea from the start, but I couldn't let my sister's child be taken into foster care –I loved Edward. I've always had a soft spot for him." She looks up at me and a small proud smile lights up her face. "I was at his birth."

I listen while she tells me about how her sister and she were incredibly close. She says that her sister was a year younger and far prettier, and when they met Carlisle and Edward Sr, both men fell for Elizabeth. There is no trace of animosity in her voice, or even in her body language. She talks about her sister with great pride and obvious love.

Edward's father and Carlisle had been lifelong friends, they'd studied medicine together and while Carlisle became a general physician, Edward Masen had gone into research science. He was massively successful and won lots of awards for his work. Esme admits that Carlisle became extremely jealous of his friend and that jealousy was amplified further still when Elizabeth rebuffed Carlisle's advances in favour of Edward.

"I don't mean to make it sound like I was his consolation prize," she explains. "Carlisle and I were friends for a long time before it grew into love, and I have never doubted his love for me. He was infatuated with my sister in the beginning, but in the end it was me he fell in love with."

She goes on to describe how Carlisle and Edward Sr. grew apart and Carlisle started to resent the time that she spent with Elizabeth. She tells me how Elizabeth wanted her there when her baby was born and so Esme joined her sister and Edward Sr. for the birth.

"He was a tiny little scrap," she recollects with a fond look in her eye. "The pregnancy had been difficult and he was born a month early. He didn't cry, and we were so worried while they checked him over." Briefly the worry she must have felt at that moment is reflected on her face, but then her features relax and she smiles. "But he was a real little fighter and within a few weeks he was as strong as an ox."

She looks down at her lap and sighs. "Carlisle and I had been trying for a baby for a while, but nothing had happened. Edward's birth was just another reminder of what Carlisle saw as his own failings. He was measuring himself up against Edward's father, and coming up short at every turn. None of it mattered to me and over time he relaxed into his own skin and stopped being so jealous, though he never rekindled his friendship with Edward."

She sits forward again and places her empty cup on the coffee table. "Emmett was born eighteen months after Edward, and Carlisle and I had never been happier. Of course, I'd hoped that Carlisle might start to warm to having my sister and her family over from time to time, but he always found excuses not to be around when they visited or to avoid visiting them. Inevitably, there were occasions when he couldn't avoid it, but those were few and far between – and quite frankly, the atmosphere was always so awkward I never pushed the matter."

Her expression darkens and she swallows hard. "It was a great shock when they died. They were on their way back from dinner and Edward was being watched by a young neighbour. She was only eighteen and completely too young to deal with a shock visit from the police. By the time I got there the poor girl was distraught and Edward was sitting wide-eyed and silent in the corner. I can still see his little eyes darting around the room not knowing who to fix to. He cried for his parents every night for weeks... he just couldn't understand how they went out for dinner and never came back."

I note that her hands are shaking a little while she tells me the rest of the story. She cries when she remembers how devastated and confused Edward was. She explains how Edward needed a lot of love to help him through it, and Carlisle often accused Esme of loving Edward more than her own family.

"Carlisle didn't understand how I could love Edward as if he was my own, nor could he understand that a mother can love her children in different ways, but it doesn't mean she loves one more than the others. Alice was content and didn't need me that way. Of course, I was always affectionate with her, but she craved it more from her daddy. Emmett was never a tactile child, he was always boisterous and happy all the time, and if you could coax a hug out of him, it was a special day indeed. But Edward was quieter, more insecure. He needed the constant reassurance; he needed to be physically shown that he was loved. He liked to curl up beside me to watch TV. He liked a kiss and a hug before bedtime every night, and at random times during the day he would come to me and hug me for no reason." She smiles at the memory.

"Edward was the only one who brought out that strong protective motherly instinct in me. I love Emmett and Alice very much, but they were stronger and didn't need me like that." She sighs wistfully. "I've always been grateful that Edward allowed me the chance to revel in my own maternal impulses. It's a very powerful thing to be needed like that." She looks at me. "You have that with Jacob, I can tell."

I nod in agreement.

She seems to dwell on that thought for a few moments, but then her expression darkens again, like a cloud moving over the sun. "In my own joy at being afforded that pleasure, I didn't stop to see that his pain was not just from losing his parents, but from the awful way my husband was treating him behind my back."

She looks up at me again. "And here we are, over thirty years later and he's still doing it... and I've still been blind to it. I'm so sorry Bella, for the way he has treated you... for the way _I_ treated you. I guess I came here tonight to let you know that I understand why you don't want us to be a part of you or your son's life... and I know that for Edward to be truly happy." Her voice cracks. "I have to let him go."

Tears fill my eyes at the pure desolation in her voice. I want to tell her that she can be part of our lives, but I stop myself. Edward mentioned Esme on the phone earlier, and I can't put Esme's feelings before his. I can see she is hurting, but I want to hear Edward's thoughts on all this before we can decide what to do.

I sigh sharply, dragging my fingers through my hair. "There's nothing I can say," I admit. "I haven't spoken to Edward–"

"I meant what I said earlier," she says, interrupting me ruefully. "I'm not here to ask you to change your mind. I just hoped that you would hear me out, and I'm very grateful that you did," she says sadly.

She looks up at the clock above the mantelpiece, and her eyes glaze as if she's lost in thought. She snaps out of it quickly and sniffs loudly. "I need to take some time to think about all of this. I've had my eyes opened to a man I feel like I don't know." She stands up and lifts her cup, but she makes no move to take it anywhere. Instead she stares into it as if debating whether to continue speaking. Finally her eyes turn to mine. "I've decided to go away for a while. I need time to think about a lot of things... mainly my marriage and where I want it to go from here." She shakes her head a little. "I don't know why I'm telling you this; I haven't even said anything to Carlisle. Maybe, I just decided here tonight." She shrugs. "I don't know."

She turns and walks to the kitchen. I lift my own cup and follow her. She is standing at the sink with her back to me, looking out across the yard.

"Where will you go?" I ask, wondering whether I should ask her for a number in case Edward does want to talk to her.

She turns and smiles affectionately at me, but her eyes are still so unbearably sad. "I don't know," she admits. "Thank you again for hearing me out," she says. "You are a very gracious person Bella. I admire you a lot. I was so thankful that you gave us another chance," she pauses, and though her brow furrows a little her smile stays firm. "Jacob is a wonderful boy, you raised him so well. I had a hand in the wrong that was done to you and that is something I will have to live with... but even though I have no right to say this to you, I will..."

She places her hands on my shoulders and looks directly into my eyes. "I'm so glad you proved how very wrong we were. You are stronger than any of us, and you always were perfect for Edward. He could see in you what none of us could, and I'm ashamed that I didn't trust his judgement. You were the same age as Alice, she was my little girl and perhaps because of that I saw you that way too and I let it colour my opinion of you. I'm sorry that I turned you away when you needed support and understanding. I won't ask you to forgive me, because I can't forgive myself, but please...be happy Bella, don't let anyone else get in the way of that."

Her hands drop to her sides.

"I won't," I say adamantly. "I've learned some lessons too. I won't make the same mistakes again."

I walk her to the door, and when she steps out onto the porch I feel like I should wish her luck or tell her to take care, but nothing seems appropriate, so instead I simply say goodbye and watch her walk across the yard looking as elegant as always but just a little bit smaller.

I close the door and lean against it, wishing that Edward was here.

"What time does Dad get here?" Jacob asks, his eyes wide and bright with anticipation.

Ever since Edward called earlier to inform us that he had landed in Seattle, Jacob had plagued my day with this very question.

"Jacob," I say through gritted teeth. "Look at your watch, what time does it say?"

He dips his head and scans his watch. "4:26," he says without skipping a beat.

"And what time did it say the last time you asked?" I ask, raising my eyebrows for emphasis.

"4:15," he grumbles, getting my point.

"And at 4:15, what time did I tell you Dad would be getting here?"

"Sometime after five," he responds with a pout.

I move towards him and rub his hair. He scowls in annoyance. "Asking every ten minutes won't make him arrive any earlier. He'll be here in about an hour. Why don't you go out back and clean your bike or something while you're waiting?"

"What's the point of cleaning my bike? It'll just get dirty again the next time I ride it," He shakes his head and shrugs.

"If you clean it, I'll give you your pocket money," I say, desperate to have him out from under my feet.

"Fine!" he huffs and stalks away towards the back door.

Barely ten minutes later, I hear the purr of a car engine outside. I rush to the window to see a black limo pulling up to the curb. My heart soars when I see Edward getting out of it before it drives away again. I hurry to the door and watch, biting my lip to stop myself from grinning like an idiot, while he walks across the yard towards me.

_God, he looks good!_

The only greeting exchanged between us is our mutual smiles. I step forward to meet him stalking up the steps. The dull thud of his bag hitting the floor barely registers before he sweeps me into his arms. I feel giddy as a teenager when our lips collide. He tastes of pure, warm Edward and I moan slightly into his mouth. Eventually he lets me come up for air, and I slide down his body. His hands stay firm on my back when my feet make contact with the ground.

"Hey," he says, staring down at me.

"Hey, yourself." I grin. I scan his face. "You look tired." I observe the deep, purplish circles beneath his eyes and the rough layer of stubble covering his jaw.

He gives me one last tight squeeze and then releases me and picks up his bag. "It's after midnight for me," he says. "I'm still on European time."

I look up the street. "I'm glad you didn't drive here."

He chuckles. "Yeah, I didn't think it would be a good idea to risk killing myself to get here." He looks around. "Where's Jacob?"

I take his hand and lead him into the house. "He's out in the back yard cleaning his bike. He's been driving me crazy all day – he's so desperate to see you. I think he's excited because you're staying with us."

He smiles at that. "I know the feeling."

I call out to Jacob, and he comes scampering into the house, grinning from ear to ear when he sees Edward. He throws himself into Edward's eager arms, but instantly pulls back and grabs Edward's sleeve.

"I'll show you where you're sleeping," he says, eagerly tugging on Edward's arm, pulling him towards the stairs.

I follow them up and Jacob pushes the bedroom door open, ushering Edward inside. Edward looks at me a little hesitantly before stepping through the doorway. The room is all but empty now. All that's left is one of the nightstands and the camp bed I put in earlier.

"It's not much," I say. "We donated the furniture to Goodwill."

"It's not as good as your place," Jacob chimes in. "But at least you're here."

Edward turns to face us and beams down at Jacob. "That's exactly right," he says with a smile. "I'm here; that's all that matters."

"Put your bag on the bed," Jacob instructs, patting a spot to indicate where he should put it.

Edward chuckles lightly and puts his bag down.

"What do you want to do?" Jacob asks.

"Jacob," I scold gently. "Let your dad catch his breath, he's only just arrived. Remember he's travelled all the way from Europe to get here."

Jacob looks suitably sheepish, but Edward cheers him up by telling him he's brought him something. Jacob's eyes sparkle with curiosity as he watches Edward rummage around in his bag.

"This," Edward says, handing him a red and black striped shirt. "Is an A C Milan shirt."

Jacob holds it up, his eyes roaming all over it. He stares at the badge. "Are they a baseball team?"

Edward shakes his head. "No, they are an Italian soccer team. I got it for you when I was in Italy."

"It's not signed," Jacob says. "Does that mean I'm allowed to wear it?"

Edward laughs and ruffles his hair. "Yes, that means you can wear it."

Just like he did with the Mariner's shirt, Jacob whips off the one he's wearing and replaces it with Edward's gift. While we're admiring the shirt, the phone rings downstairs and Jacob rushes down to answer it.

"I got you something too," Edward says, delving back into his bag. He turns and hands me a small package. "Though you might not want to open it in front of Jacob," he adds with a wink.

I chance a peek beneath the wrapping and see a hint of red satin and lace. The colour makes me smile, and the thought of him buying this with me in mind arouses me a little. Then the smile fades from my face when I remember that with Jacob in the house it will be difficult for us to find some alone time.

"You don't mind do you?" he asks, and I look up to see him looking at me a little nervously.

"Do I mind if the man I love bought me underwear? Of course I don't. Thank you," I say, stepping closer and hugging him. My voice lowers to a whisper. "I just mind that the opportunity to... model it for you might not present itself for a while."

His fingers curl tightly around my waist as he whispers in my ear. "Jacob's got school tomorrow, right?"

I pull back to see his eyes glittering mischievously and can't believe I never thought of that myself. "Right," I say, nodding.

I hear Jacob's footsteps thundering up the stairs, so I carefully fix the wrapping and stuff the underwear back in Edward's bag for now.

"There was no one on the line," Jacob says, coming back into the room. "I picked it up but no one answered when I said hello."

"Maybe they hung up just as you answered it," I say. "I'll check later to see whose number it was." I turn to look at Edward who looks exhausted. "Why don't you have a little rest, and I'll wake you when dinner's ready?"

Jacob clicks his tongue in disappointment but smiles when Edward shakes his head. "No, I'll be fine. Jacob and I will help you with dinner."

During dinner Jacob grills Edward about A C Milan. I can tell how tired Edward is because he keeps asking Jacob to repeat his questions. Afterwards we leave the dishes on the counter and settle in front of the TV to watch a movie. Edward throws his arm around my shoulder as he sits beside me on the sofa, while Jacob sprawls out on a cushion on the floor.

Within minutes Edward's head drops onto mine and his breathing becomes deep and rhythmic. Realising he's fallen asleep, I adjust my position, and he sighs softly when I pull his head onto my shoulder and wrap my arm around him. He nestles closer, snaking his arm around my waist and pressing his face into my neck. Each breath he exhales blows warm across my skin.

Jacob turns to say something about the film but stops to stare at Edward sleeping. He crawls across the floor quietly as if he fears even the slightest move will wake him.

"Maybe you should take him to bed," he whispers.

I stifle an inappropriate smirk. "It's okay. I'll wait till the movie's finished," I say, keeping my voice low.

Jacob looks at Edward again. I watch as his eyes trace my arm that is draped across Edward's shoulder before dipping to Edward's arms clasped around my waist. He looks up at my face and his eyes widen a little when he realises I'm watching him. Two pink spots appear above his cheeks and he moves to turn away.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Nothing," he responds defensively. The spots turn vivid red, but he looks more emotional than embarrassed.

"Talk to me," I whisper gently.

He looks up again, tentatively. "Are you going to sleep in the same bed as him now?"

His face is flaming red. It surprises me to see the signs of jealousy in his expression.

"Not here," I say, keeping my tone level. "But when we stay with Edward... yes, I probably will. Does that bother you?"

He shakes his head, but there is something in his expression that suggests it does. "No. That's what people in love do, right?"

I hold my hand out to him and gesture for him to come forward. He approaches slowly, and when he's close enough I pull him down beside me into the crook of my arm. Edward snuffles a little at the movements but doesn't wake.

Jacob tilts his face up and looks at me. "Do you love me Jacob?" I ask, and his little brow furrows deeply, but he nods instantly. "Do you love your dad?" He nods again. "I love you Jacob and nothing will change that... ever," I say, planting a kiss on his forehead. "I love your dad and I love Nana Renee and I still love Grandpa Charlie. There're lots of different kinds of love Jacob. You're my baby." He wrinkles his nose at that. "And I'll always love you; it's just not possible for me not to."

"I'm sorry," he says quietly. "I just wanted a hug too."

I squeeze him tight and Edward moves again. I feel the flutter of his eyelashes on my neck that tells me we've woken him. I kiss Jacob's cheek and as Edward sits upright, Jacob slides his arms around me and hugs me back.

Jacob breaks the contact first and looks sheepishly at Edward. "I'm sorry we woke you."

Edward blinks a few times, shakes his head against the apology and stretches out his muscles. "It's me who should be sorry." He yawns. "I guess I was more tired than I realised." He looks at us. "Is everything okay?"

I look at Jacob and he nods. "Everything's perfect," I say to Edward, even though I'm still looking at Jacob.

"Do you mind if I take a shower?" Edward asks. "Maybe that'll wake me up a bit."

"No, go ahead."

Jacob stays clamped to my side while we watch the rest of the film, and by the time Edward comes back down It's time for Jacob to have his bath and get ready for bed. Edward settles back on the couch beside me, smelling all clean and soapy and wonderful. He's wearing sweats and a thin T-shirt and when he kisses me, I can't resist the urge to run my hands up his thighs.

"That's nice," he murmurs when he breaks the kiss. "I wish that camp bed was a lot bigger."

I chuckle and tell him about the little conversation I had with Jacob.

"Do you think he'll resent me being here?" he asks, clearly worried.

"No. He loves having you around," I assure him, leaning back into the crook of his arm with one hand still rubbing the firm muscles of his thigh. "I think he just got a little territorial for a moment. He's not used to seeing me... with a man. I think he was just a little bit jealous."

Edward leans down and presses his lips to my hair. "I wonder where he gets the jealous streak."

When I turn to look he smiles broadly, but before I can respond his lips cover mine and he pulls me in for a deep kiss. "I missed you," he says when we separate. "I was a little worried that you'd rethink this once you were back here."

I can't help the part of me that feels a little bit offended, but when I think about how hot and cold I've been blowing over the last couple of months, I can't really blame him for worrying that I'd have second thoughts.

He crooks a finger under my chin to tilt my face up and kisses my lips again. "I'm sorry. It just feels so good to finally be like this with you – I guess I can't believe how lucky I am. The way you greeted me out on the porch earlier, I've dreamed about that kind of thing. So many times when I arrived here, that's what I wanted to do – pull you into my arms and kiss the hell out of you." He chuckles a little. "I just need to get used to the fact that I'm allowed to love you now... and more importantly, I'm allowed to show it."

The lump in my throat is huge, but the tears that prick my eyes are happy ones. I feel the same way.

When Jacob is ready for bed we let him stay up a little bit later than usual, but finally tiredness gets the better of him and I do the dishes while Edward goes upstairs with him. Jacob doesn't really need us to see him off to bed, but It's clear as they both make their way upstairs it is something they both want to do.

After I've finished the dishes I go up to check on them, only to find both of them sleeping. Jacob is snuggled up beneath the covers while Edward is lying on his side on top of them. I lean my hip on the dresser and watch them, debating whether to wake Edward up, but when he starts to snore softly I decide to leave him be.

I had hoped that we would have a chance to talk about Esme, but as I head to Charlie's room I think that it might be a good thing that we didn't discuss it while Edward is so tired.

I push open the door to Charlie's room and instantly know I can't sleep in here. I take the covers from the camp bed and turn out all the lights before heading downstairs to the sofa.

The soft brush of fingertips through my hair wakes me. I open my eyes, but it's too dark to see anything. Warm lips cover mine briefly and the wonderfully familiar scent of him fills my nostrils. His lips sweep slowly across my cheek up to my temple. His mouth hovers over my ear – his breath warm as it trails in soft puffs down my neck.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, his voice low and sleepy. "I didn't mean to fall asleep up there."

His arm slides beneath my neck and a cool blast of air causes goose bumps to spring up over my exposed skin when he lifts the cover and slips in beside me. He is warm as his arms envelop me, crushing me to his chest. Instinctively I turn towards him, and our mouths meet as I mould myself to him.

His kisses are tender as our tongues slide languidly together. There is no urgency, no desperate need, just a welcome reunion of pleasures missed. My eyes adjust to the dim light, and I can make out his handsome features as he props his head on his hand and looks down at me. For the longest time he doesn't say anything. He just lets his fingers trace the features of my face while he gazes at me.

Our legs are entwined beneath the blanket, and my hands are splayed on his bare chest feeling the soft thump of his heartbeat. I feel myself start to drift again, and he kisses each eyelid gently when they flutter closed.

"I love you," he whispers, cupping my face and sweeping his thumb across my cheekbone. If I was a cat I'd probably be purring right now. I reciprocate his words, feeling a lovely shiver of pleasure course over my whole body when he squeezes me tightly.

He shifts and lies flat on his back, pulling me across him so my head is resting on his chest. I can't stop my hands from wandering all over his naked torso, but he doesn't seem to mind. "Can we just lie here like this for a while?" he asks. "If you fall asleep, I'll wake you before Jacob gets up."

I look up at him and rest my chin on his chest. "Jacob will have to get used to seeing us together," I say, my voice is still croaky from sleep. "I think he could handle seeing us fully clothed on the sofa." I touch his bare chest. "Well, almost fully clothed."

"Okay," he says, smiling. "I'll get up in a bit and put a t-shirt on."

I run my fingers over his abs. "Not right now, though."

He kisses my forehead, and his laugh is a low rumble in his chest as he tilts my face up and presses a sweet kiss on my mouth. I lie in his arms, marvelling at how good it feels – how right it feels. I inhale deeply, breathing in his scent while my fingers flex against his warm skin. In this moment I feel closer to him than I've ever felt before. Now that I've dropped my guard, all I can feel is the unmitigated pleasure of our love.

"I don't want us to live in separate houses," I say suddenly.

His hand, which was tracing a lazy circle on my back, stops. "What?"

I turn my face up to look at him. "Jacob still has a few more weeks at school and then I have to go to Florida, that should be enough time apart," I say. "I want _this_. Every night. Not just snatched moments when we can. I want us to live together... as a proper family. Let's not waste any more time than we already have."

In the weak light filtering through the curtains, I can see his eyes are shimmering. "I've wanted to say that exact thing to you so many times over the past few weeks," he reveals. "And truth be told, if you hadn't said it tonight... I probably would have."

"I'm still scared," I tell him, feeling the need to be honest. "Not because I don't trust you, but because I want it so badly. But I won't be ruled by my own insecurities anymore. It costs too much."

Tonight is not about needing him inside me to prove his love. His kisses are filled with it, his touch reverent and sensuous. The way our bodies give each other pleasure is a manifestation of our love, not just proof of it. Every stroke, every whispered endearment, every gasp of pleasure is a promise made and when he takes me over the edge my tears are borne of the sheer enormity of believing in the truth of those promises... and feeling that we can make it through anything now.

We redress while dawn casts a rosy glow through the window. I feel so tired, yet exhilarated at the same time. I curl up in his arms, feeling like we could stay suspended in this moment forever.

He's still sleeping when I go up to wake Jacob for school. Jacob remarks that I haven't slept in my bed and gives me a knowing look when he spots Edward still asleep on the sofa. Unlike last night, he doesn't seem put out, instead he grins when I hand him a cup of coffee and ask him to take it to his dad.

When we reach the school, Edward insists on us both walking Jacob right to the gates. Jacob makes a show of protesting, but the way he waits on the sidewalk while Edward and I get out of the car tells me he really does want us to walk with him. Edward takes my hand as soon as I come to his side, and I'm caught between feeling happy about it and feeling a little self-conscious.

"You're not going to embarrass me, are you?" Jacob asks, looking up at us when we reach the gates.

Edward laughs. "How could we possibly embarrass you? We're your parents." His tone is slightly teasing.

"Don't kiss me or anything," he says, then he darts a look over his shoulder. "And don't kiss each other."

Edward struggles to keep a straight face. "Okay," he says, holding his fist up Emmett-style. "Is this uncool too?"

Jacob rolls his eyes. "Yes, but don't tell Uncle Emmett."

Edward's laugh rings out across the playground and earns him a scowl from Jacob. Edward apologises, his lips twitching with the force of suppressing his grin. Jacob scoots across the playground and joins some friends while Edward beams proudly.

"What are you so happy about?" I ask.

"Our son is embarrassed by us," he says with a pleased smirk.

I frown at him. "And that's a good thing?"

He grabs my hand again and leads me back to the car. "This might sound strange... but I remember how Emmett used to complain about Esme and Carlisle's PDA's." He stops and faces me. "It didn't embarrass me the same way, and even if it did, I would never have felt comfortable enough to voice it."

We stop when we reach the car. I turn to him and he continues. "Jacob clearly feels comfortable." He raises his eyebrows as if waiting for the penny to drop.

It doesn't, and I merely shoot another confused look his way.

He smiles as he opens the car door and looks at me over the roof of the car as I walk around to the driver's side. "The way he has accepted me has been nothing short of amazing... but that back there," he says, jerking his thumb towards the school gates, "... was the first time he's treated us a unit: his parents." He ducks into the car and closes the door before turning to face me when I'm seated. "I don't know if I'm making any sense, but you two have this bond... and I love that... but up till now I've felt like he sees us as separate entities." He rubs his hand through his hair, but the smile never leaves his face. The penny drops.

I lean across the console and pull his face towards mine. "We're a family... a real family."

Even though we are right outside the school, he pulls me to him and plants a vociferous kiss on my lips. His eyes are shining when he pulls back, but somewhere in the back of my mind a realisation sets in.

He must see the change in my demeanor because he frowns a little and studies my face.

"Esme came to see me," I tell him. "I meant to talk to you about it last night but–"

He rubs a hand down his face and blinks a few times. "Oh shit, I spoke to her... I was intending to talk to you about that." He frowns and regards me. "What did she say?"

"What did you say to her?" I counter lightly.

"I wanted to wait till I could go over there and call that bastard out, but I'm conscious of the fact that you are in Forks and so is he... so I called to make sure he didn't come near you or Jacob. I talked to Esme. I told her that you and Jacob are my priority, and I can't see her anymore."

"So you're just going to shut her out of your life?" I ask, unable to keep the hard edge out of my voice.

He blanches. "Bella, this is about us now. I'm choosing you. I don't want Carlisle in our lives and since I don't want to put Esme in the middle, its best just to cut ties..."His voice trails off as he notices the expression on my face. "What?" he asks.

"Before I say anything, I just want you to know that I'm with you – on anything you decide – but you should know the facts before you make decisions... I think Esme left him."

"What?"

I sigh heavily. "I... she..." I lay my head back against the headrest. "I can't believe I'm doing this but..." I turn to face him. "She needs you Edward... and I can't sit back and watch you cut someone out of your life because you think its right for me." I swallow hard. "In all conscience I can't sit back and watch you cut people out of your life under the duress of others."

His Adam's apple bobs when he swallows, and his eyes darken. "Because we've been here before?"

It's not really a question, even though it sounds like one. I can't bring myself to answer.

"And you were on the receiving end of it," he adds. He turns to face me, looking uneasy. "Did she say where she was going?"

I shake my head. "I don't even know if she did go anywhere, it seemed like she made the decision on the spot."

He pulls his phone from his pocket and dials. There's a pause and he shakes his head. "No answer at the house," he says. He dials again, and I assume he's calling her cell when he leaves a message asking her to call him.

"I'll give it a couple of days and then I'll try again," he says. He places his hand on my knee and waits till I look at him. "This isn't history repeating, Bella. I'll talk to her, but you have to understand that you and Jacob are my life now and you take priority over everything... and everybody."

* * *

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	32. Chapter 32

"That's _not_ what I'm saying at all," I argue, my jaw set. My knuckles whiten on the doorknob as I grip it tightly and slide my key into the lock. I push the door open and march up the hallway.

Edward strides in behind me, his hands jammed into his pockets and a deep frown on his face. His eyes become troubled when he takes in my expression. We've been arguing all the way home in the car. While I appreciate his insistence that Jacob and I take precedence in his life, I still feel a little uneasy about his willingness to just cut people he loves out of his life when things become difficult.

"Yes, you are," he accuses. His voice is low and controlled, but his disappointment is clear. His lips form a tight line and his shoulders hunch with tension. "You're implying that I'm cold and heartless and I can just cut her out of my life without a care."

I head to the kitchen and throw my keys on the table in exasperation. "Okay," I admit with a harsh sigh. "Maybe I am implying that, but, that's the way it seems."

"I already said I'd talk to her..." He runs his hands through his hair and his jaw clenches. "When I find her."

I move towards him. "I don't want us to fight about this–"

He takes a long look at me before parting his lips to blow out a deep breath, and his shoulders seem to relax as he exhales. "It would never be easy to not see her again, but I'd do it for you."

I touch his face and wait until he looks into my eyes. "I'd never ask you to turn your back on someone you love. I want us to talk about this and come up with a solution that's best for everyone." His arms wrap around me as I press my cheek to his chest. "I know I said I don't want Carlisle in our lives, but that's different. He doesn't love you and you don't love him." I glance up briefly. "Esme's different... and yeah, if she's still with Carlisle then maybe we won't find a way, but don't just discard her like she's worthless to you... don't just disappear out of her life without a word."

He presses his face into my hair and tightens his hold on me. I don't say anything more; he knows I'm talking from experience, and there's nothing to be gained from hammering the point home any further. His heart beats a steady rhythm beneath my ear while I enjoy the feel of his embrace.

After a few moments, I pull back and look up at him. "Give it a few days. I think we all need time to let the dust settle. Once Jacob's birthday is over, we can try to find her and see what happens from there."

He nods. "You amaze me," he says quietly. "You have so many reasons to be bitter and not to care about what happens to anyone in my family, yet here you are worrying about my relationship with Esme."

Stepping away from him, I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear then fold my arms across my chest. "I just want us to be happy and free from all that now. And if I've learned one lesson in my life, it's that we have to deal with problems head on – they only come back to haunt us if we don't."

He regards me with a pensive expression for a few moments, and then all at once his demeanor changes. His shoulders loosen, and his expression lightens. "You're right."

A relieved smile plays on my lips. "After Jacob's birthday we can decide what to do," I suggest. "I just want to concentrate on making his day special."

"Let's go for a walk," he says, dipping to kiss my forehead. "A little trip down memory lane. A nice one for a change," he adds with a smirk.

I know instantly where he's taking me when he leads me through the back door and out onto the trail that leads into the forest. I'm surprised by how overgrown it is, but then I remember it wasn't spring the last time I ran along this path.

He holds my hand tightly when we reach the gap in the trees that is our gateway into the meadow. The thick undergrowth is uneven and, unlike before when we used to come here every day, there is no clear path trampled by our daily traffic. I trip a couple of times, and Edward chuckles as he steadies me. Even the branches of the trees seem to be hanging lower than they did before.

"It doesn't look like anyone comes this way," he remarks, snapping off a low hanging twig before holding another one up to let me pass beneath it. "But then, no one ever did."

"That's why we liked it," I remind him with a suggestive smirk. It amazes me to think of the risks we took making love out here, when anyone could have encountered us.

The grass is long and reedy and there is only a small smattering of purple and yellow flowers dotted haphazardly around the periphery. The ground is soft underfoot as we make our way to our favourite spot. Edward lays the plastic backed blanket down, and we smooth it out before sitting down with our backs pressed against the tree.

For a few minutes all we do is sit and listen to the rush of wind through the trees and the babble of water from the nearby stream. The sun peeks out intermittently from gaps in the clouds that are sweeping across the sky. He puts his arm around me when I shiver a little.

"Are you cold?" he asks, rubbing his fingers gently over my skin to warm it.

I shake my head. "It just feels a little... strange..."

Lazily, he lifts a lock of my hair and twists it around his fingers. "This was supposed to be a happy trip down memory lane," he says wistfully. "Is there such a thing for us?"

I take a moment to mull it over. I remember lying with my head in his lap while reading to him. He used to play with my hair then too, and I loved it. The snatched time I spent with him was happy, even though there was always the undercurrent feeling that it wasn't quite right... here in the meadow it was like an alternate universe where being together was the most natural thing in the world. Here we were lovers and friends... and that was all that mattered.

I shift my position and rest my head on his lap, gazing up at him with a peaceful grin. He smiles and nods as if agreeing to my silent answer.

We talk for a while about Jacob's party and the dates for the school play and before long we're into a full-on discussion about the future. We talk about possible schools for Jacob in Seattle, and Edward tsks when I tell him that I haven't requested any college applications for myself yet.

"I might leave it till next year," I tell him. "I mean, with the move and getting Jacob settled into school and everything, I don't want to bite off more than I can chew. I'd prefer to make sure the transition is as smooth as possible for Jacob and then I'll be better equipped to deal with college."

"That makes sense," he agrees. "But you will do it, won't you?"

I tilt my head, looking up at him curiously. "Why is it so important to you?"

He gently pulls my hair away from my face, allowing the strands to slip through his fingers. "You gave up your ambitions to become a teacher to raise Jacob. I just don't want to see you putting it off again and then never getting around to it."

I smile up at him, touched by his concern. "If I go this year, it only gives us six months to find a house and be settled before I start. I still have to go to Florida to sort everything out, and if I'm busy finding schools for Jacob and me then it's going to be a very stressful six months. Whereas, if I leave it till next year – we have eighteen months to settle in." I splay my hand on his chest and his hand instantly rises to meet it. "I've waited this long. Eighteen months is nothing."

He slides his fingers between mine and raises my hand to his lips. "Okay, I guess you're right... but there's no harm in filling out some applications in the meantime."

We descend into silence again, and my mind inevitably drifts back. Briefly the memory of sitting alone against this tree day after day flashes behind my eyelids. It weighs heavy in my chest when I recall how desperate I was for him to appear through the trees. Initially that desperation grew with each day that passed, but eventually desolation crept in when I started to accept that he wouldn't ever come.

The first day I decided not to come back was the hardest day. Countless times I'd made it to the back door, my heart hammering wildly with the fear that he'd be here and I'd miss him. Somehow I found the strength to ride the fear and never left the house that day. Giving up on him was the hardest thing I ever did.

The movement of Edward's hand firmly massaging my shoulder brings me back to the present, and my eyes drift open again. His eyes are scanning my face, and he looks stricken.

"If I'd been in Forks, this is the first place I would've come to look for you, too," he says, and I realise I've been speaking out loud.

I turn and kiss his fingers. "Do you think we would have made it?" I ask. "Maybe the time apart has made us realise what we mean to each other. If you'd stayed with me and we'd raised Jacob together, maybe we wouldn't know just how special this love is."

He looks away from me, his brows knitting together tightly. His fingers stop moving on my skin.

I sit up and face him, realising that my words haven't come out right. "I'm not saying that I'm glad we've been apart... far from it. I'm just wondering if the time we missed will make us appreciate what we have now more."

His head drops backwards against the tree, and he squeezes his eyes shut briefly. I watch the pain flit across his face before he opens his eyes and looks at me. His eyes are surprisingly tender when he speaks. "All I know is if you offered me the chance to go back... I would. I wouldn't want to miss a single minute of the past ten years with you. I've been so lonely without you – I just couldn't admit it to myself until you came back into my life." He cups my face with one hand and draws it closer to his. "I get what you're trying to say Bella, and maybe you're right, but I'll always regret leaving you. Always."

His kiss sears into my very soul. It is so filled with passion and desperation that it feels like it's the first time he's kissed me in years. He pulls back slightly and presses his forehead to mine. His lips brush gently down the column of my throat as his fingers roam over my body, exciting me and drawing forth wonderful memories that I'd long buried.

Tiny cold pin pricks on my arms start to detract from my pleasure, and it takes a few moments for me to become aware that it is rain that's causing it.

Edward wrenches his lips from mine and stares deep into my eyes. "Let's go back to the house. I need you," he says as the rain starts to fall relentlessly.

His hand is strong around mine as we run along the path while the rain pelts us. We finally arrive at the house, and he presses himself so tightly against me when I'm fumbling with the key that I can feel his erection pressing into the small of my back. The phone is ringing when I swing the door open, but he tells me to leave it, insisting they'll call back if it's important. I turn to face him, fully intending to argue the point, but he picks me up and carries me into the house, kicking the door closed behind us.

He takes the stairs two at a time effortlessly, groaning with pleasure while I trace the sharp line of his jaw with my lips and tongue. I open the door, and we both chuckle when my head hits the door frame as he carries me into the room. He lowers me to my feet and rubs my head.

"You okay?" he asks with an apologetic smirk.

"I will be if you kiss it better," I say. He stoops to kiss my head, but I tilt my face up and capture his lips with mine. He moans appreciatively and backs me up towards the bed. The backs of my knees make contact and I stop when his fingers start to lift my wet shirt up over my head.

He looks down and sucks in a sharp breath. "Good girl." He grins, his eyes raking over the red lace basque he gave me yesterday. He kisses his way down my cheek, licks across my collar bone and nips the swell of each breast lightly while his fingers run along the inside my waistband, searching for the fastening. Despite the warmth of his touch I still shiver beneath it.

"I took the chance of putting it on this morning," I say quietly. "Because I thought we'd be coming straight back here."

"But an idiot suggested a walk instead," he says with a chuckle.

He drops to his knees in front of me, struggling slightly with the arduous task of dragging wet denim down my legs as he goes. His eyes never leave my body as he pulls my feet up out of my jeans and leaves me standing in only the basque and matching panties. Slowly, he runs his fingers up my legs. They flutter like moths wings over my sensitive skin, and a shiver of anticipation shoots up my spine. An appreciative moan springs forth from my lips.

He leans forward slowly and presses a kiss to the inside of my thigh; his lips are warm and moist, and I bite my lip when he flicks his tongue out briefly – it feels like a bolt of lightning on my sensitive skin. I stare down at him, running my fingers through his hair as his lips travel higher, meeting the smooth red satin between my legs. His fingers move to the front of my legs and gently encourage me to sit down.

"We have plenty of time, right?" he asks, his lusty eyes darting up to my face.

I nod, but my mouth is too dry to speak because his fingers are already delving beneath the satin and probing insistently. He runs his other hand up the front of the basque, stopping between my breasts and pressing gently so that I start to fall back onto the mattress. I prop myself on my elbows and watch his eyes roam all over my torso. When his bright green irises flick up and connect with mine they are burning with desire.

I swallow hard when he slides his tongue languidly along his bottom lip. His fingers roam lower again, and I feel the satin being dragged down my legs and off. Again his hands slide up my legs, but this time he raises them and hooks them over his shoulders, pulling me towards his waiting mouth.

His tongue is warm and just about the most amazing thing I've ever felt in my life when he flattens it and licks me hard. My cry rings out against the walls and is matched only by his loud groan. His mouth is relentless while his fingers dig into my thighs, holding my trembling legs wide. I clutch at the bed sheets as I shudder beneath his mouth, gasping his name over and over.

One of my legs slips from his shoulder, and my foot drops onto his denim-clad thigh. "Wait!" I gasp, scrambling back from his magical mouth.

His head snaps up, and his eyes narrow in confusion.

"Strip," I order, my breathing ragged.

His lips curl up into a lascivious grin. He pulls me close and dives between my legs again. I'm about to protest, but then I feel his shoulders move beneath my thighs and hear the unmistakable sound of his zip unfastening. Again I force myself to pull away and reach for his shirt, but he stands abruptly, causing it to slip from my grasp, so I attack his jeans instead.

Within seconds he's naked and sprawled out on the bed beside me, the warm wet laps of his tongue on my neck make my skin prickle with pleasure. His fingers burrow into the basque just beneath my armpits and trace a lazy path to my breasts, tugging the satin material down as they go. His lips meet newly exposed flesh when my breasts pop free, and he sucks one nipple violently into his mouth.

If his cock wasn't warm it would feel like an iron bar grinding into my hip. My head drops backwards when he grips my breasts and alternates between sucking hard on my nipples and licking them tenderly. My hand snakes down between us, and he bites down painfully when my hand curls around him.

"Sorry," he murmurs, swirling his tongue around my nipple to soothe it when I yelp. He looks up and kisses my lips, brushing his thumb over the tender spot on my pebbled nipple.

I grip him tightly and pump his cock a few times. With a loud groan of pleasure, his lips crash into mine and his tongue delves deep into my mouth. I swallow his vocal pleasure when my thumb swirls over his tip, spreading the moisture around it. His kiss is so fervent our teeth clash, and my lips feel swollen by the time he pulls away and whispers into my ear.

"Suck me," he pleads, his breath breezing down my neck in hot, heavy puffs.

My insides clench in violent arousal as I start to slide down his body. But his fingers tighten on my hips, restraining me. I shoot him a confused look, but with a slight shake of his head, his hands circle my waist and he pulls me up onto my knees before guiding my hips backwards. He adjusts his position at the same time, and my eyes widen as he slides between my knees.

My hands drop to either side of his hips; I gaze down at him before tilting my head upside down. He is looking back at me from between my legs. "I've never done this before," I whisper, referring to our position.

"Me neither." He grins, before dropping his head back and pulling me down to his mouth.

His fingers part my lips while his tongue flicks over my clit repeatedly, and I drop to my elbows and lick him from tip to base in one long, fluid motion. He jerks, and I take the opportunity to capture him between my lips. His moan vibrates against my flesh and a warm rush of pleasure tingles right where his tongue is.

I stroke his balls while I suck, rolling them beneath my fingers as my head bobs on his rigid shaft. The room is filled with loud moans and soft, wet sucking noises – it arouses me further, and I feel the telltale signs of my orgasm building as my knees begin to shake and I redouble my efforts.

I'm assailed by the electric pleasure of his tongue probing me, my nipples rubbing over his abs and his hot cock thrusting in my mouth. My hips start to buck, and I suck harder, energized by the beginnings of my climax. His teeth scrape my clit, and his fingers bite into my hips as he pulls me down harder and devours me like a man possessed.

My jaw drops as I cry out my release, and I have to fight to keep him in my mouth, but I don't get the opportunity to finish him. In one movement he raises me, slides out from under me and flips me onto my back.

"You are fucking amazing!" he exclaims, his voice thick and sounding almost like a growl. Within seconds he's ready, and he spreads my legs wide and thrusts into me powerfully.

Like a reflex, my legs rise and wrap around his waist. He sinks deeper, and his mouth twitches as he stares down at me with dark hooded eyes. "Amazing," he repeats, lowering until his mouth is millimetres from mine. "I love you so much."

My hands fly to his face. Gripping him, I pull him down and thrust my tongue into his mouth. His hips flex, and I groan in pleasure at the feel of his cock sliding almost all the way out before he slams back into me again. His lips graze my ear. "You're perfect, baby."

His body rises, and his fists dig into the pillow beside my head as he pumps harder. His thrusts force me upwards, and my head makes contact with the headboard as it starts to bang against the wall. Edward grips it with one hand, an action which gives him more leverage and my eyes roll with the pleasure of the increased power of his thrusts. The muscles in his arm flex as he holds on to the headboard and thrusts deeper.

My head thumps against the wood again, and he stops abruptly, looking down at me. "Turn around," he says, pulling out and grabbing my hips to help me turn over. He guides me up onto my knees and instructs me to hold onto the headboard while he pushes himself back inside me.

He leans forward, pressing his chest to my back and whispers into my ear. "I love being inside you."

"It's so good," I manage to say as he begins to move excruciatingly slowly.

"Oh, I know. It feels incredible." He slides deeper while his hands cup my breasts, squeezing lightly. His pace picks up again. One hand captures mine, and he guides my fingers between my legs. "Touch yourself," he pants. "I want to feel you come on me."

My muscles contract around him as he works my fingers over my swollen clit. The twin sensations of him fondling my breast while rubbing our fingers between my legs increases the pleasure of his body filling mine, and before long I feel it starting.

"I'm coming," I gasp.

The arm which is holding the headboard buckles, but he has a firm hold of me and keeps me in position while my muscles pulse around him, and my knees weaken with the strength of my orgasm. When I start to shudder, he removes our fingers and grips my hips savagely, increasing his pace as he chases his own release.

We collapse onto the mattress in a sweaty, panting heap. He pulls me into his arms and holds me tightly while we recover.

"I don't think I'll ever get enough of you," he says breathlessly, pressing his lips to my hair.

My heart swells as a slow smile creeps across my lips.

Our naked bodies are wound tightly around each other as we come down from our high. His fingers draw patterns on my bare skin above the basque and I sigh contentedly, letting my eyelids drift closed. His toes are curling against my calf, making me giggle when he starts kneading them deep into my muscle.

"You like that?" he asks, his mouth pressed against my temple.

"I've never had my calf massaged by an eager foot before," I say, grinning.

His lips press into my skin. "Another first."

I turn to see a mischievous glint in his eye, and my breath hitches when I recall our earlier activities. "You've really never done that before?" I can't help but ask.

He props himself up on his elbow, looking down at me with tender eyes. "No." He leans down and kisses the tip of my nose. "Remember the first time I made love to you?" he asks. The skin around his eyes crinkles when he smiles. "In Emmett's room."

"It's one of my most treasured memories," I admit, even though for a while it was also one of my most painful.

He nods in a way that suggests he also experiences more than one emotion when he recalls that particular memory. "That night meant so much to me," he says softly. "Being with you... making love to you, was the best thing I'd ever experienced. It felt so new to me because for the first time in my life it meant something. I'd never felt loved like that before." His eyes cloud over. "Even now Bella, every time I'm with you feels like something new – and I can't get enough of it."

My fingers trace the line of his jaw, and I frown at his troubled expression. "Why does that bother you?"

He dips his head and kisses my fingertips. "I don't want you to think this is all about sex for me. I love being with you, and I'll admit; I want to make love to you all the time... but _this." _He gestures between us with his fingers. "This is all I've ever wanted. I want to wake up with you every day, come home to you every night and to think about you every moment in between with a smile on my face. I want to linger over dinner with you, to tuck our kids in to bed, to take away your worries and for you to take away mine..." He stops and smiles, looking a little embarrassed as if he thinks he's said too much. "I'm rambling, but I want it all Bella: the fights, the make ups... all of it."

Tears blind me, but some of the old insecurities resurface. "You ooze sex appeal. You can't expect me to believe you've lived like a monk all these years," I say.

His expression is neutral. "No. I told you I dated other women, and I've had sex with some of them, but it was like scratching an itch, or following a natural impulse." He looks a little uneasy with the subject matter. "I don't mean to sound disrespectful, because there were times I wanted to find something more, but it was futile. My heart was in Florida and I didn't even know it." He strokes my cheek. "I gave you my heart, and even though I turned my back on you, I never took it back. For ten years I've been dead inside... and it's no more than I deserved."

"Don't say that," I beg, pressing my face to his chest.

His sex life sounds as sterile as mine has been. There were times I tried to talk myself into an emotional connection. I can't agree with the "scratching an itch" comment because it was never like that for me. I made conscious decisions to have sex because I thought it was the next step. There was no real desire... only hope... hope that if I let a man into my body it would ignite the spark that I missed so badly. It never did.

He crooks a finger under my chin. My eyes reach his. "Are we really going to lie here and talk about our past... encounters?"

I smile and shake my head.

"I love you," he says, and after a long pause he blows out a long, cleansing breath and smiles at me. "Let's go make lunch. I'm starving."

* * *

"Shhh!" I hiss, pressing my fingers to his lips.

We are standing outside the bedroom, and I roll my eyes at the cake that Edward is holding. I tried to tell him that we don't do this first thing, but he wouldn't listen. There are ten blazing candles on it, and I wonder how Jacob will react to being woken up this way.

I push open the door and am relieved to see that Jacob is already awake and propped up on his pillows. He blinks owlishly when he sees the cake.

Edward immediately launches into a chorus of 'Happy Birthday', and I have no choice but to join in. Even though our singing is terrible, a wide smile spreads across Jacob's face, and the reflective glow of the candles is bright in his eyes.

He blows the candles out with gusto and claps his hands together. "I always wanted birthday cake for breakfast!" he declares.

"Told you," Edward says to me smugly.

I hadn't intended on letting him eat any, but seeing their mutual excitement, I decide that letting Jacob eat cake for breakfast one day out of the three thousand six hundred and sixty plus he's lived might not make me a bad parent.

He scrambles out of bed and follows us downstairs. Edward cuts him a gratifyingly small slice of cake, and we hold hands under the table while we watch him devour it.

"I need to check my email," Jacob says around a mouthful of cake. I refrain from admonishing him for speaking with his mouth full. "Nana Renee said she'd send me an E-card."

I grab his empty plate when he stuffs the last of the slice into his mouth. "Go get washed and dressed and I'll log in for you."

When he scampers off, I've barely made it to the sink before Edward grabs me from behind. "It's great sharing this with him," he says, nuzzling my neck. "He's so excited."

I smile. "Jacob's big on birthdays. He loves them." I glance at him, unable to quell my guilt.

"Don't," he insists gently. "Let's just enjoy it."

I kiss him quickly and sigh with relief.

When Jacob comes downstairs he tries to beg to open his gifts, but we placate him by letting him open the little ones, telling him he'll get more at his party after school. He settles in front of the laptop and opens his email from Renee. I watch proudly as his smile grows while he's reading it, but then it starts to fade.

He clicks the buttons and starts reading again. I noticed that he had emails from Josh and Brett too, and my heart constricts as I watch his frown deepen while he reads them.

Before I can react, Edward drops onto the sofa beside him. "What's wrong?" he asks.

Jacob shrugs self-consciously.

Edward slides his arm across Jacob's shoulder. "It's your day, buddy. Tell us what's on your mind."

Jacob looks up at Edward, his eyes lingering for a moment before turning to me. "I miss Nana Renee," he admits quietly. "And I wish Josh and Brett could be here to do the scavenger hunt again."

My blood freezes. How could I forget? We do the scavenger hunt every year, and I totally forgot. I plaster on a smile. "Won't it be nice to let your new friends join in?" I say, hoping my voice isn't laced with the panic I'm feeling.

He nods. "I guess." He looks at Edward. "Last year we had the best time. Mom even hid one clue at the bottom of Nana's pool. It was the first time I made it all the way to the bottom to get it." He beams proudly.

I shudder at the memory. Up until last year, Renee had always kept the pool covered, but since Jacob and most of his friends had completed their advanced swimmer's course, she thought it would be a good idea to have a pool party. I'd hovered beside that pool with Phil the whole time, terrified that something would go wrong. The kids had a ball, but I was surprised I didn't wake up with white hair the next morning.

Edward ruffles his hair. "Well, there isn't a pool here, but think of all the cool places we can hide stuff." He glances at me before returning his attention back to Jacob. "There's a whole forest at the back of the house, did you think about that?"

My eyes widen. Surely he's not thinking about doing a scavenger hunt in the forest.

Jacob leaps to his feet. "Oh man! Will there be arrows scored in the dirt leading the way? Or maybe painted on the trees?" He claps his hands in glee. "That would be _so_ cool!"

Annoyingly, Edward winks at me when I shoot him a warning glance. I lift my eyes towards heaven, realising we have a frantic morning of preparation ahead.

After Jacob disappears through the school gates and Edward and I are back in the car, he turns to me and grins. "Okay, so you do a scavenger hunt every year, I'm guessing it won't be hard for you to come up with clues and stuff?"

I glower at him, not only because he's picked up on the fact that I'd forgotten but because he thinks it's easy.

"I normally prepare it weeks in advance," I say. "And we've only done it three or four times, but this year with everything–"

He presses a finger to my lips. "Relax. I'm not judging you. We can do this together!"

He looks so eager.

"So," he says, clapping his hands together. "All we have to do is buy some paint, write up some riddles for hiding places in the forest and we're good to go."

"I don't know if having a dozen kids running around the forest is such a good idea," I say.

He places his hand on my thigh and squeezes gently. "It'll be fine. We'll be there with them."

After a frantic morning of buying the things we need, I'm grateful when Sue and Leah arrive early in the afternoon to see if I need any help. I end up sitting at the kitchen table labouring over riddles while Sue and Leah help Edward prepare the food.

When Jacob comes home from school there are some tears when he calls Nana Renee, but I manage to console him when I tell him we'll be going to Florida in a few short weeks. Within the hour the house is full of rambunctious kids. When Mike and Claire arrive with his girls, Edward volunteers them to help with the scavenger hunt, and they all head out to the forest with the kids. I watch them go, feeling bad that I didn't get the chance to formally introduce myself to Claire amid the chaos.

"Thank God for that!" Sue says as soon as the back door closes.

My ears are ringing in the welcome silence. "Yeah, it does tend to get quite noisy." I laugh. "I'll make some coffee. They'll be gone for at least an hour."

About fifteen minutes later Sam and Seth arrive, and Leah immediately accosts Sam in the hallway. From my vantage point in the kitchen I can see them whispering, and Sam's eyes catch mine before he looks back to Leah and nods. Leah looks a little hesitant as she turns and asks me if they can talk to me for a few moments in the living room.

I glance at Sue, but she shows no outward sign that she knows what this is about. I follow Sam and Leah into the living room. They sit side by side on the sofa while I take the chair.

"I hope you don't mind us bringing this up today," Leah begins, looking at me briefly before gazing up at Sam. "But Sam and I have been talking for the last couple of days and... well, since you have the sign out front we didn't want to risk missing out and–"

Sam's hand curls around her knee and smiles at her tenderly. Leah stops speaking as a slight blush colours her cheeks. Sam turns to me. "We want to buy this house," he says. "We just wanted to ask you for first refusal. My place is too small, and I've been looking for somewhere bigger for a while now..." He pauses, glancing at Leah with a sweet smile. "And when Leah agreed to move in with me, she suggested this place."

The thought of the new chief of police living here thrills me. "I think it's a great idea," I say, getting up and moving towards them. "I mean, you can have any of the furniture if you want it and I'll leave all the appliances for you... and it'll be great not to have people coming to see the place–" I close my mouth abruptly, realising that I'm babbling.

"We've already been to the bank," Leah says. "So we can contact the realtor tomorrow about making an offer."

I nod happily. "And you don't have to worry about moving dates or anything. Jacob only has a few more weeks of school left and then I'll be going back to Florida to give up my apartment before we move to Seattle."

Sam and Leah beam at each other as I babble on about the house. I feel like I'm intruding on a special moment between them and make to leave the room when Leah gets up and hugs me, thanking me profusely. She's so ecstatic you'd think I was _giving_ her the house and not selling it to her.

Sue stands in the doorway regarding us curiously, and I realise that she doesn't know yet. I retreat to the kitchen and leave them to it, not wanting to linger while Leah shares her news with her mother.

Standing out on the back porch I can hear the laughter from the kids who are still hunting for the treasures Edward and I painstakingly hid earlier. Claire is making her way along the overgrown path towards the house, and when she spots me she turns and cuts across the back yard.

"Seth took over my post," she explains with a smile. "It's getting very competitive and the big kids are worse than the little ones." She stops beside me. "I thought you might need some help with the food."

"It's okay, Sue and Leah pretty much have it covered," I tell her. "In fact, I feel like all I've done is write some riddles and blown up some balloons."

"Thanks for inviting me," she says, sitting beside me on the bottom step.

I turn and look at her. Her hair is jet black and styled in a smooth, shiny bob. Her skin is pale and flawless, and she looks a lot younger than I imagined. I fleetingly wonder how someone as pretty as her ended up on a dating site, but then loneliness is not selective.

"It's nice to meet the woman who's put a smile on Mike's face again," I say.

A small smile lifts her lips. "Yeah, it's nice to meet you too. I've heard a lot about you from Mike."

"He's been a good friend," I say, turning at the sound of raucous laughter drifting through the trees.

The voices are getting closer, indicating that the hunt is over, so Claire and I go inside. Leah, Sam and Sue are in the kitchen. I notice Sue looks a little misty-eyed, but I can tell it's in a good way. As soon as Leah mentioned buying the house, I knew it would please Sue to know that strangers won't be living in it, but I wasn't sure how she'd react to the news that Leah is moving in with Sam so soon. Judging by the small, contented smile she's wearing, I'd say she doesn't mind at all.

Within minutes the kitchen is full of kids jostling for position around the table. They pile food high on their plates, grab a drink and file into the living room where the music is turned up at once. The adults are left staring at the almost bare table as if we've just witnessed a school of piranhas strip a carcass.

The music gets louder still, and I have to fight the urge to go in and turn it down. Jacob was very explicit in his instructions that I was not to try to start up any party games... apparently he's too old for that now.

I take a bottle of wine out of the fridge and hold it up to Leah. "I don't have any champagne, but would you like a glass of wine to celebrate?"

Edward, Mike and Claire look at me curiously, but it is Sam who tells them the good news. I open two bottles of wine and pour everyone a glass. Caught up in the moment, I raise a toast to Sam and Leah, but my voice cracks a little when I wish them happiness here. This wasn't always a happy home for Charlie, and I hope that Sam and Leah can fill it with laughter and love.

Edward wraps his arm around my waist and kisses my temple. I blush furiously at my emotional display but nobody seems to mind. An hour and several food related accidents later, Edward carries Jacob's cake – resplendent with candles, and with one sliver missing – into the living room. Jacob makes a show of complaining when I turn the music down and a chorus of 'Happy Birthday' strikes up.

"Make a wish," Edward calls out above the singing, and Jacob stares up at him.

There's a brief pause and, even though everyone is still singing, it looks to me as if Jacob and Edward can't hear a thing. I swallow hard witnessing their exchange before Jacob sucks in a deep breath and blows all the candles out in one go. I take the cake from Edward while Jacob hugs him. It's written all over Jacob's face that his wish has already been granted.

Later, I close the door on the last guest and lean against it, sighing with relief. Edward chuckles.

"I'm glad he only has one birthday a year," I say, smiling.

"You did a great job," Edward says, rubbing my arm.

"Me?" I say, laughing. "I hardly did anything. I had an army of helpers. Normally Renee, Phil and I do it all by ourselves." I glance up at him. "But I'm still exhausted."

Jacob is in the living room with Amy and Louise showing off the gifts he received. Leah and Sam have already left, and Seth is in the kitchen talking to Mike and Claire. Edward joins them, but I go out onto the back porch to see Sue.

She is leaning on the railings, looking out over the back yard. She turns and smiles at me. "I've had a lovely day, Bella. Thank you for inviting me."

I move to her side and squeeze her shoulder. "Thanks for all your help," I say quietly. "And not just today."

She shudders a little, and a small sob escapes her. "I'm sorry," she says, shaking her head. "I'm just feeling a little emotional." Her head bows and she surreptitiously wipes a tear from her eye. "I'm happy that Leah and Sam are buying the house, but it's just another reminder that Charlie's gone."

"He'd like it that they'll be living here," I say, feeling the sharp sting of tears springing to my eyes. "This might not always have been a happy home for him, but he did love this house, and I know he'd be pleased to know that it's not going to strangers."

She nods, and we stand in silence as fat raindrops start to drum on the wooden porch roof. The sky is heavy with thick, black clouds and dims in time with my mood.

"I couldn't have gotten through any of this without you Sue," I say quietly, my words thick with the weight of my grief. "You were always here for Charlie, but you gave me the strength I couldn't have found alone."

I feel the tightness before I realise we are clutching each other's hands. "I loved your father very much. He was a good friend to Harry and me, and when Harry died he was my rock." She sighs. "We skirted around the issue for years, but if we'd known our time was limited I think we would have been closer...sooner."

She draws me into a tight hug but doesn't say anything more. I try to tell her how much I'll miss her, but the words won't come, so I put it all into my embrace and feel my tears soak her blouse. Eventually, she pulls back and smiles at me sadly, wiping the tears from my face like I'm a child.

She presses her lips to my forehead. "Look at us." She forces a laugh. "This is not the last time we'll be seeing each other."

I nod, but it still feels like goodbye... but maybe we're not actually saying goodbye to each other.

Seth pops his head out of the door and asks her if she's ready to go and, with one last hug and a gentle goodbye, she leaves me standing alone on the porch. I take a moment to compose myself before heading back into the house.

When I step into the kitchen, Edward is dumping plastic plates and cups into a trash bag while Mike and Claire are doing the dishes. I note that the conversation is a little stilted, and I catch how relieved Edward looks when he smiles at me. But his brow quickly furrows.

"Are you okay?" he asks, coming towards me with concern evident on his face.

I nod. "I'm just missing Charlie," I admit.

He pulls me into his arms and hugs me tightly. He rocks me gently, and his breath is warm in my hair. Mike clears his throat, and we separate.

"It's getting late," Mike says. "I need to take Amy and Louise home."

I extricate myself from Edward's embrace and move towards Mike and Claire. "Thanks so much for coming... and you didn't have to do the dishes." I say, taking the towel from Mike.

Mike calls Amy and Louise, and there is a collective groan from the living room. "Party's over!" Mike yells, rolling his eyes. We say our goodbyes out on the porch, and I suggest that we should all go for dinner with the kids one night before Jacob and I leave town. I know I'll meet with Mike to say a proper goodbye before I leave, but I'd like the chance for us all to spend some time together before I do.

At last the house is empty and Edward and I flop onto the sofa. Jacob rounds up his presents, and his lips are practically a blur as he talks excitedly about each one. I find myself wondering if he'll ever come down from his current high. I nestle into the crook of Edward's arm as we listen. I feel guilty at the welcome rush of relief that washes over me when Jacob finally starts to yawn.

"Go up and have your bath," I tell him, stifling my own yawn. "And I'll take your presents upstairs."

He kisses us both. "This has been the best birthday ever," he says, his eyes shining with happiness. He throws his arms around my neck, squeezing tightly as he thanks me.

This pleases me, not least because he was missing Renee and his friends from Florida earlier and I worried his birthday wouldn't live up to previous ones. I glance at Edward. I should've known this one would be special.

Edward leans over and brushes his lips across my cheek. "I know you're glad he only gets one birthday a year, but I could quite happily spend every day like this."

I dig him in the ribs with my elbow. "Liar," I joke. "Nobody in their right mind would want to spend every day entertaining a pack of wild children."

He chuckles, his fingers sliding up to capture my chin. He tilts my face towards him. "You know what I mean."

I don't get the chance to respond because his lips cover mine, and I'm lost.

* * *

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	33. Chapter 33

I turn when I feel the light tap on my shoulder. "Sorry," I mouth to Edward, covering the receiver with my hand. "I didn't expect this to take so long."

The realtor continues to talk while I grimace apologetically at Edward. He whispers back that he'll take Jacob to school alone, and with a quick kiss on the cheek he leaves me standing in the kitchen trying hard not to sigh into the receiver.

Ten minutes later I replace the receiver happy that the ball is rolling for Leah and Sam. I think about them while I'm washing cereal bowls in the sink. The thought of them transforming this house and making it their own fills me with mixed feelings. My eyes scan the kitchen, falling on the bare walls and the dingy linoleum on the floor. Charlie was never one for sprucing the place up. If it was clean was all that mattered; he didn't care about faded patterns or slightly worn patches.

I think about how happy Leah and Sam will be stamping their own personality on the place, and I start to realise that the wide smile on my face is not for them – because we will be building a home together soon too.

The sound of a car engine directly outside pulls me out of my reverie, and my grin grows wider as I head to the front door to greet Edward.

The welcoming smile drops from my face though, because it is Carlisle who is striding across the yard. He is impeccable as ever in a dark grey suit, and his once blonde hair gleams white in the faint sunlight filtering through the thin clouds. His eyes look hard as flint, and his mouth is twisted in an angry sneer as he approaches.

"Where's my wife?" he demands when he reaches the bottom of the steps.

At first I'm thrown and simply stare at him. I jump when he barks the question at me again.

"I have no idea where your wife is," I respond, quickly snapping out of my surprise. Folding my arms across my chest, I straighten and stare back at him levelly. "And you were told not to come here."

"I tried calling," he snaps.

"So it was you who hung up on Jacob?" I ask, unable to keep the disdain out of my voice.

"I was in no mood to exchange pleasantries with a child," he says dismissively.

I shake my head at him. "You're a real piece of work."

His mouth clamps shut and his eyes flash with anger as he marches up the steps towards me. I find myself backing up to the door and feel the handle dig into the small of my back. Even though I don't think he would physically attack me, his threatening stance makes me feel uncomfortable and the more distance I try to create between us the closer he gets.

"You always did have a smart mouth," he spits, his face inches from mine. "You think you're so clever don't you? Worming your way back into my family with your 'poor me' act. Well, I'm not buying it. What lies did you tell my wife?" he demands, his lips drawn back, exposing his teeth a little. "She was spotted here on your porch the other night." He slams a piece of paper into my hand. "The same night I came home to find _this_ waiting for me. So what the hell did you say to her?"

I glance down at the note, but I don't have time to read it before he starts ranting at me.

"Why couldn't you have just stayed away?" he yells. "Is this some kind of sick revenge? You didn't get your way when you tried to sleep your way into my family, now you want to wreck _my_ marriage too, just so you can turn everyone against me. "His voice is loud and filled with hate.

My jaw drops. Surely he can't be serious.

I slap the piece of paper into his chest. I have no desire to read it; I can pretty much guess what it says. "Can you hear yourself?" I ask in disbelief. "The world does _not_ revolve around you. You know why I came back to Forks, and it certainly had nothing to do with you. If you want someone to blame for the state of your marriage, I suggest you go home and take a long hard look in the mirror. Now _leave_!" I yell, galled by the fact that he would dismiss my reasons for coming back and try to turn it into being about him. I start to wonder if he _is_ actually crazy.

I grip the doorknob, but his hand lashes out and tightens like a steel band around my wrist. "I'm not leaving until you tell me what you said to her, you little bitch! Edward might be too riddled with lust to see you for the manipulative little liar that you are, but I'm not so stupid!"

A car door slams, and both our heads whip round towards the sound.

"You fucking son of a bitch!" Edward yells as he barrels across the yard.

He cannons up the steps and grabs Carlisle so forcefully by the lapels there's a loud ripping noise. "Take your fucking hands off her!" Edward roars, yanking him away from me.

The blood drains from Carlisle's face, his lips begin to quiver and his eyes grow as wide as saucers – the shock etched in his features suggests that he didn't know that Edward was in town. His hand releases its grip on my wrist, and his feet slip and slide desperately trying to find traction on the porch steps as Edward marches him down them. Losing his footing completely when Edward shoves him backwards, he falls on his ass with a sickening thump and the air whooshes out of his lungs in a loud, pained gasp.

Edward looms over him, nostrils flaring and lips tight with anger. His fists clench tightly, and his knuckles are so white they look like they have been completely stripped of skin. His face is dark with rage and thick veins protrude like stalks on his neck. "Get up!" he snarls, breathing raggedly. Carlisle blinks up at him, his jaw slack and mouth agape. "Get up!" Edward repeats, spittle flying from his mouth. When Carlisle makes no movement, Edward grabs him by the shirt.

"Edward don't!" I scream when Edward draws his fist back. Hurrying down the steps, I lurch forward and grab his fist to prevent him from throwing the punch he's aiming. "He's not worth it."

Edward's whole body is shaking with anger when he turns his wild eyes to me, they narrow briefly and he drops his arm before shoving Carlisle back to the ground. He turns to face him, still looming over him, his fists clenching tighter as Carlisle scrambles to his feet.

I cling to Edward, rubbing his forearm, but his attention is so focussed on Carlisle I doubt he can even feel the contact.

Visibly shaken, Carlisle straightens his tie and smoothes his shaky hands down the front of his shirt while he tries to regain some of his composure. Edward's body twitches, and I grip his arm tightly hoping that he won't totally lose control.

Carlisle draws in a deep breath and tilts his chin up arrogantly. His face is still ashen but when he fixes his gaze on Edward, defiance flashes in his eyes. "I'm not leaving till _she_ tells me what she said to make Esme leave m–"

Edward lunges for him. "You asshole! Esme didn't leave because of Bella... she left because of you!"

Carlisle's expression contorts into one of disbelief as he starts backing away, but Edward already has a fist full of his shirt. "This isn't my fault," he protests. "You broke Esme's heart with that phone call the other night, and then that little bitch couldn't wait to fill her head with lies."

My gut twists at the sickening sound of Edward's fist connecting with Carlisle's face. The loudest gasp that rings out is my own as Carlisle falls back against my car with a loud, resonant thump that scatters the birds from the tree above us.

He sags to the ground, clutching his bleeding lip, his eyes wide with fear as Edward pitches forward again. My heart is racing in my chest as I try to put myself between Edward and Carlisle, but Edward holds me out of the way and steps in front of me.

"You're pathetic," Edward roars, glaring down at Carlisle, his voice vibrating with anger. "You couldn't stand it that Esme loved me and so you spent years making me suffer for it. I was a child! She fucking loved you too but it wasn't enough... none of it was enough you selfish prick!"

Carlisle opens his mouth to speak, but as if a valve has blown off, Edward unleashes words he must have been holding back for years. "You had a beautiful wife and two amazing kids who loved you, but you didn't care about that. You wanted to be the big shot," Edward shouts, his voice thunderous in the quiet of morning. "Except you simply weren't good enough to excel at anything, so you tried to use my connections with Eleazar Denali to feed on the scraps from his table."

"That's nonsense!" Carlisle protests.

"Is it?" Edward shouts. "You were so desperate for me to stay married to Irina you fucking prescribed her drugs – illegally. You risked the health and wellbeing of a woman and child just so you could ride around on Eleazar's coat tails." His voice grows cold and bitter. "I should've reported you as soon as I found out. The only reason I didn't was because I knew it would break Esme's heart." His lips curl in disdain. "But you did that anyway."

He leans forward, and Carlisle's face is ashen when Edward hauls him to his feet. "You are pathetic," Edward says acidly. "I hope she never comes back to you."

Edward's fists finally unclench and he takes another small step towards Carlisle, shoving him out onto the street. "Get in your car," he says quietly, his voice dripping with venom. "And get out of my fucking life. If you come anywhere near me, Bella or Jacob again... I will kill you!"

Carlisle's eyes swing to me. "Tell me where she is." There is the tiniest hint of desperation in his voice, but I ignore it.

Carlisle tries in vain to wrestle out of his grasp while Edward hauls him to his car, opening the car door and unceremoniously dumping him inside. Even when Edward slams the door and turns away I can still hear Carlisle ranting that Alice and Emmett don't know where she is either and demanding that I tell him. Edward turns and kicks the car, denting the door in the process. Carlisle stops shouting and within seconds the engine revs loudly and the sound of screeching tires fills the air.

"I hope he fucking rots in that house all alone," Edward rants, pacing the garden. "I should've throttled the bastard. I should've fucking kicked his ass years ago, I–"

I grab his hand and squeeze it tightly. "Come inside," I coax, pulling him towards the house.

As soon as I close the door behind us I look up into his tormented face. Years of pain are reflected in his expression, and I throw my arms around his neck and pull his head down into the crook of mine. He stoops, pressing his face against my skin and lets me comfort him. "It's okay," I croon.

His whole body is shaking with pent-up aggression and his breathing is loud and fast. "I'm so sorry," he says, his voice muted against my neck. "I should've known he'd come here."

My arms wind tighter around his neck, and I press my lips to his hair. "This is not your fault, Edward," I insist, kissing his head. "You can't keep blaming yourself for his behaviour."

When he lifts his head, the look in his eyes makes my heart ache for the little boy Carlisle hurt so badly. Cupping his face in my hands, I press my lips to his. He exhales into my mouth, his fingers curl around my hips as his lips become forceful and needy.

His fingers bite into my flesh as he pulls our bodies tighter together. I keep my grip strong around his shoulders as he moulds himself to me and he presses so tightly against me that I feel like he would crawl under my skin if he could.

"I love you," I gasp, pulling my lips free and sucking in some much needed oxygen.

He clings to me, breathing raggedly, his heart still hammering in his chest, and I have to fight back against the angry tears stinging my eyes. I can feel the pain of his childhood just as keenly as if he were vocalising it to me.

I brush my fingers through his hair and tell him I love him. He draws in a shuddering breath, and his body finally starts to relax. His lips begin to move on my neck and his fingers loosen, rubbing small soothing circles where he gripped me. I gently lift his head and his eyes meet mine.

Cupping my cheek in his hand, he kisses me softly and presses his forehead to mine. "Tell me again," he whispers.

"I love you," I say, running my hands up and down his back. "He can't take it away from you –nobody can. Jacob and I need you and love you. Nothing can ever change that."

He scoops me up into his arms and straightens to his full height. I watch the tension leave his face. His eyes soften and his lips curve gently upwards. "I needed to hear that."

"It's the truth," I tell him.

He stares into my eyes. "I couldn't live without you and Jacob now."

"You won't have to."

We sit in the kitchen drinking coffee while he talks to me about his relationship with Carlisle. Throughout the whole conversation, I get the sense that he is purging himself of emotions that he didn't realise he'd been holding onto. He talks with sorrow in his eyes and misery evident in his voice, but when he starts to talk about Esme a transformation occurs. His shoulders are more relaxed, his eyes are bright and he smiles often. His affection for her radiates from him.

Before long, worry starts to creep into his voice and he expresses his concern that Esme hasn't even contacted Alice or Emmett. Eventually, he decides he needs to know that she's okay and starts to make some calls.

I start making lunch while he paces the kitchen talking to Alice.

"...and how did she sound? Did she say where she was going?"

He runs his hand through his hair, and his face is set in a worried scowl as he talks with Alice. "I'll call some of her friends in Seattle and see if anyone has heard from her... Alice, I don't really care what they'll think, I just want to find Esme..." His shoulders sag. "I know. I'm sorry, I'm just a little on edge... yes... I will... Okay, I'll talk to you soon."

His jaw clenches as he throws his phone on the table and sits down. "Alice heard from her the other day, she said she was okay and not to worry but now she's not been answering her cell." He picks his phone up again. "I'll call Emmett."

I move to his side and cover his hand with mine. "Have your lunch first," I say gently.

He turns his hand so that his palm faces upwards and curls it around mine. "I'm sorry for all this drama. You don't need this."

"Don't say that. We're a family and we share our problems." I say, squeezing his fingers. "I'm sure Esme is fine. She's not prone to making rash decisions. She just needs time to think and she's probably switched her cell off to avoid Carlisle."

"She could at least check her voicemail," he says with a hint of frustration creeping into his voice.

"Call her cell and leave a message," I urge. "Tell her how worried you are and ask her to send you a text to let you know she's alright."

He nods and starts to dial. I watch his face as he waits for her voicemail to pick up, but suddenly his eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

"Mom?" He immediately stands and starts pacing again. "Where are you?"

Not wanting to hover, I turn the heat down on the stove and leave the pan to simmer. I leave him in the kitchen and go out to the small back room that houses the washing machine and dryer. I empty the load from the washer, dump it into a hamper and head outside to hang it up to dry.

The sky is thick with dark clouds but there is enough wind that the clothes should be dry before it starts to rain again. I'm almost done when I hear the back door close. I turn to see Edward standing on the porch looking a lot more relaxed than he did a little while ago.

"How is she?" I ask as he walks across the yard to join me.

A bed sheet whips violently in the wind and he jerks backwards to avoid it. "She said she's okay," he says with a shrug.

"But you don't believe her?" I ask, hanging up the last pillow case before lifting up the empty basket and balancing it on my hip.

"She sounded so miserable... and lonely." He rubs his hand down his face and blinks a few times. "She's going to phone Alice and Emmett to let them know she's okay. I think she feels bad for worrying us."

I move closer to him and drop the basket again. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I press my cheek to his chest, tilting my face up to look at him. "She has some very tough decisions to make. She just needs time to work out her feelings alone." He nods, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "Did you talk about what you said to her the other night?" I ask gently.

"I apologised for being so brutal about it," he tells me.

I wait for him to say more. He stares at me and traces the outline of my face with his finger.

He sighs. "After Carlisle's visit today, I'm convinced more than ever that I can't have a relationship with her if she goes back to him. I'd never be free of him. He'll always be there in the background, and I don't want that." His sorrowful eyes search mine. "If she stays with him, I can't see her again."

The pain in his voice makes my heart hurt for him. "Did you tell her that?"

He takes in a few deep breaths and kisses my forehead. "No. She needs to make her decisions without any pressure from me. I don't want to force her to choose. She has to do what she thinks is right for her, and if that means going back to Carlisle then so be it." He gazes down at me, his expression sad and rueful. "But I won't walk away without a word. I'll talk to her and make it right..." His face collapses into sheer misery. "Well, I can't make it right, but I can try to make her understand."

I reach up and cup my palm to his cheek. "I hope it doesn't come to that, but I'll support you – whatever you decide to do."

He turns his face and kisses my palm.

Later, over a very quiet lunch which neither of us eats much of, he tells me that he doesn't want me and Jacob to stay here alone.

"Come back to Seattle with me," he coaxes. "We can pack up your stuff over the next few days, and you can leave the keys with Sam and Leah."

I can't help the cynical smile that touches my lips. "And what about Jacob's school?"

"We can hire him a tutor till we find him a school. He only has a couple of weeks left till they break up for the summer anyway."

"You know how much he's looking forward to the play," I point out.

His fist drops to the table with a loud thud. "I'm not leaving you here alone," he insists, staring at me with determined eyes.

"What do you think is going to happen?" I ask, reaching across the table to hold his hand. "I think Carlisle got the message today. I doubt he'll come back here in a hurry... and even if he did, he doesn't scare me."

"You looked pretty rattled earlier," he says. "What if I hadn't arrived when I did? He had a grip of your arm for fuck's sake."

"It wasn't so long ago you gripped my arm," I say gently. "Were you going to harm me?"

"No!" His voice is outraged. "You know–"

"I'm not accusing you of anything," I interject. "I'm just pointing out that sometimes we do things out of frustration. I don't think he was going to hit me. He was just trying to prevent me from leaving." My fingers flex on his forearm. "Look, I'm not defending him or justifying his actions – I'm just trying to keep things in perspective."

He blows out a harsh breath, but his jaw remains rigid and his eyes hard. "I don't trust him... I won't trust him." He looks at me again. "You won't consider coming to Seattle sooner?"

I shake my head. "Jacob's been looking forward to this play for a while. I don't want to disappoint him on a knee-jerk over reaction. Besides, Carlisle has ruined enough things for us to last a lifetime. I won't let him ruin this for Jacob."

"I'm overreacting?"

"I think you might be."

"You think, or you know?" he challenges lightly. "Because if you only think, then why risk it? Why risk Carlisle coming back here when Jacob is home? What if Jacob hears him ranting at you like that, or the nasty things he says about us? Don't you think it will hurt Jacob to witness just how horrible he is to his mother?"

"Point taken," I say, bristling a little. "But, if he was so inclined, he could turn up in Seattle just the same. If he comes here and causes any trouble, I'll just have to do my best to keep Jacob away from it." I grip his hand tighter. "We can't protect Jacob from everything. There's always a chance that he'll see or hear something that will hurt him, and if that happens, then we'll be here to help him through it. That's how it works. Kids get hurt, and if we can't protect them from it, we help them through it."

His lips purse tightly for a moment while he digests this.

"Jacob's a lot stronger than you think," I insist.

His eyes soften when he looks at me. "Okay, but if you won't come to Seattle, I'm staying here with you. I guess I'll have to endure that lonely fucking camp bed for a while longer." A small smile dances on his lips.

"But you have work."

"Screw work," he says flippantly. "Emmett and Jasper will just have to handle the rest of it alone. I'll take the next few weeks off and when we're back from Florida, I'll take up the new role."

"Can you do that? I thought you said it would be unprofessional not to see it through."

He leans forward. "Bella, you and Jacob are more important to me. I've worked my butt off for that company for nearly ten years. The deals are all but done, and when they are, they will secure the future of the business for years. I don't think Emmett or Jasper will begrudge me this. I can call the clients personally and tell them Jasper will be taking over... it's not ideal, but I'm not leaving here without you."

Deep down I'm thrilled that he wants to stay though it still feels unnecessary. I decide against telling him this, but he must be able to see it in my expression.

"I'd just feel better if I was around. I'm not suggesting he's going to turn into a mad stalker or anything like that, but as long as you are in Forks there will always be the temptation for him to stop by any time something pisses him off."

"Especially if Esme does decide to leave him for good," I say quietly.

"Exactly!"

"Maybe we should still go to Seattle for the weekends," I suggest. "Jacob likes it and there's more for us to do."

He nods and gets to his feet. I rise as he rounds the table. "And I'll get a reprieve from sleeping alone." He stoops to kiss me. "At least in Seattle we can sleep together..." He pulls back and waggles his eyebrows at me. "Or should I say, get no sleep together?"

I chuckle. "Yeah, sleepless in Seattle sounds great."

He groans at my lame joke.

The rest of our day passes uneventfully. We decide not to tell Jacob that Edward will be staying with us until after Edward has had a chance to talk it through with Emmett this weekend. We take Jacob to the diner for dinner and when we get home, he and Edward spend time playing the Xbox while I make a start on clearing out the kitchen cupboards.

Long after Jacob has gone to bed, I'm still busy with my task when I hear Edward come up behind me. I'm waist deep in the cupboard under the sink, and when I turn to look at him over my shoulder his eyes are fixed appreciatively on my ass.

"Nice view." He winks with a broad grin.

I wiggle my ass for good measure, and he laughs. Crawling out backwards on my knees, I dump the cloth I was cleaning the shelves with into the basin of water and rip off my rubber gloves. I pull the band out of my hair, letting it fall around my shoulders. My joints crack as I rise stiffly to my feet. I stretch out my arms and rock my head from side to side to loosen the tense muscles in my neck.

Edward steps forward and kneads my tight muscles there. "I drew you a bath," he says, pressing his lips to the column of my neck just above his fingers.

"Thank you," I moan in pleasure.

His lips kiss a path up to my ear. "Too bad it's a tiny little bath," he says ruefully.

I can't help but laugh at that. "It's a normal sized bath," I point out. "It's just not big enough for two." He wraps his arms around me, splaying his hands across my abdomen. I drop my head back onto his chest. "Maybe when we are looking at houses we should make a stipulation that we only buy one with a bath that's big enough for two."

He nibbles my earlobe. "Definitely." His fingers curl loosely around my jaw, tilting my head to the side so his lips can reach mine. I turn in his arms, deepening the kiss while his hands drop to cup my behind.

He starts to gently walk me backwards. "You know what I noticed the other day?" he asks, his voice light with mischief as he kisses my temple.

"No," I say as he ushers me nearer to the back room.

He opens the door and guides me inside. The washing machine and dryer are both running, filling the cramped space with loud rumbles. Edward pulls the door closed behind us but keeps one arm firmly wrapped around my torso.

"I noticed this," he says, pointing to the top of the door where a small flush bolt has been screwed into it. He slides it up into the door jamb before making a show of trying the handle. "It locks the door." I bite my lip when he turns me so my back is pressed to his chest and he brings his mouth close to my ear. "And with the noise from these monstrosities," he says, gesturing at the machines. "No one will hear a thing."

"I hate to burst your bubble," I say, releasing my lip from between my teeth. "But we won't hear anything either if Jacob comes downstairs."

He leans over, pressing himself more fully into my body, and squints at the dryer. "How do you turn this thing off?"

His hand snakes down my abdomen and his fingers swirl over the skin above the waistband of my jeans. Of its own volition my hand darts out and stabs the door release which stops the dryer. Immediately the room is a lot quieter.

He clamps his mouth to the tender spot of skin just below my right ear and sucks gently. Lifting his mouth to my ear, he captures my lobe between his teeth, and I shudder with pleasure when his warm breath fans across my face.

"It's okay if you don't want to," he tells me while his fingers follow the seam of my jeans to between my legs.

"I do, but–"

"We'll be quick," he interrupts as his fingers unfasten my jeans before dipping inside. "We can multitask," he adds wickedly, pressing a condom into my palm with his other hand. "Open it, and I'll take care of this." He uses both hands to slide the denim down my thighs.

My eyes roll back with pleasure when his hands skim over my hips and thighs. His mouth is right at my ear. "You're not opening it," he says huskily, and my nipples pebble at the arousal in his voice coupled with the sound of his zipper being pulled down.

I fumble slightly with the foil when he presses his solid length right into the crevice between my cheeks and grinds a couple of times. His low groan of pleasure is barely audible over the hum of the washing machine as the drum spins.

He takes the condom from my fingers and kisses me hungrily while he rolls it on. I groan into his mouth when he runs the tip of his cock over my clit and positions himself at my entrance. One hand pulls on my hip, arching me slightly while his knees bend forcing mine a little wider.

His left hand slides up my body and curls around my neck, angling me back slightly while he pushes himself slowly inside me. "Fuck," he moans breathily.

Arousal zings through me, and I turn my lips to his ear. "Talk to me," I whisper.

His heavy lidded eyes meet mine. I feel my jaw slacken and my mouth drop open when he draws his hips back and slides slowly deeper. I repeat my request, and his eyebrows rise briefly before one side of his mouth curves up into a half smile. "Dirty?"

"Oh yes," I moan, dropping onto my elbows.

Both of his hands grip my hips, and he thrills me with a couple of sharp thrusts before he pulls my hair back away from my ear and presses his lips close. "I love fucking you, baby," he croons, causing a burst of pure lust to explode deep in my core. "Do you like that?" His fingers swirl over my clit. "Take your shoe off."

I comply quickly, thanking God that I'm wearing slip-ons. He uses his foot to anchor my jeans to the floor while I release my right leg. His hand slides down behind my knee and pulls it up onto the machine. Shifting his position he bends me forward at the waist and thrusts upwards, almost lifting my left foot off the ground.

He quickly finds his rhythm, thrusting into me relentlessly while holding my head back so I can hear the erotic words he's panting into my ear. True to his word it is quick, but definitely not unsatisfying.

Afterwards, when I'm fixing my clothes I turn to see him sliding the bolt back down.

"I never knew that was there," I remark.

"Hmm, funny that," he muses. "It looks quite new."

He turns and winks.

I follow him through to the living room, and we curl up on the sofa together to enjoy the postcoital buzz. He spoons me on the sofa and peppers my cheek with kisses. "So you like the dirty talk?" he asks, amusement bubbling in his words.

I feel my cheeks heat slightly. "I've read a few books where the characters did that kind of thing, and it turned me on."

His chuckle rumbles against my back. "If I'd known that I would've made you read them to me rather than Shakespeare and Charlotte Bronte."

I turn to face him. "It was Emily Bronte," I point out. "And I didn't read trashy romance novels when I was younger."

He laughs. "But you do now. I think I'd like you to read to me again... soon."

We lie face-to-face and his mood becomes sombre. He kisses me gently before tucking my head beneath his chin. "Thanks for today," he murmurs into my hair. "For being there for me."

I smile. "You were there for me. You're the one who dealt with Carlisle."

"After that," he says. "When you held me."

I look up at him. "You don't have to thank me for that. I'm always here for you. I love you."

He smiles. "I love you too.

* * *

"Mom!" Jacob's frantic shriek pierces the air. "I can't find my costume... or my sword!"

His feet thunder on the stairs as he comes running down, shouting all the way. I meet him at the bottom, and his face is panicked as his eyes dart around wildly as if he expects the sword to just materialise out of thin air.

I place my hands on his shoulders and give them a gentle squeeze. "They're at school," I remind him. "As is your eye patch, your hat and your parrot. Remember Mr. Williams said it would be better if everyone left their things at the school?"

He immediately sighs with relief. His cheeks are still deeply flushed, and when he cranes his neck to look up at me I can see his pulse beating wildly in his neck.

"Try to calm down, sweetie," I say as soothingly as I can. "You'll have no energy left for tonight if you don't."

Ever since he got home from school this afternoon, he's been like a cat on a hot tin roof and it's been impossible to keep him from freaking out at the slightest little thing. I wish the school hadn't given them a half day to prepare, it's been draining dealing with Jacob and it will only get worse when everyone gets here later.

He's waited so long for this moment and I was expecting today to be difficult, but I'm starting to worry that he might not cope if anything goes wrong during the performance – given that he's invited so many people.

He invited Emmett and Rosalie when we were in Seattle last weekend and then he asked if he could call and invite Alice and Jasper in person.

We didn't find out that the tickets were limited to four per family until after he'd invited them _and _the Clearwaters. Two days later, Edward appeared home with ten tickets courtesy of a large donation to the school funds from an _anonymous_ source.

Edward and I had had a blazing row that day when I tried to make him see that flouting the rules like that could cause problems for Jacob. Edward argued that Jacob will be leaving school the day after the play so what harm could it do. In the end I relented. As much as I didn't agree with it, there was no point in us fighting over something that had already been done. Besides Edward was right; there's no potential for long term problems here, but I made him promise not to pull a stunt like that in the future.

The last few weeks have flown by in a flurry of moving things from the house to Edward's apartment. We've spent every weekend travelling to Seattle with a car full of belongings before spending both days looking at houses.

I smile at the memory of Edward forcing me to climb into one of the bathtubs with him when Jacob dragged the realtor into other rooms to ask her a million questions. So far we haven't found anything suitable, but we've had some good fun looking.

"My tummy hurts," Jacob complains, rubbing his belly with a grimace.

Brought out of my reverie, I look down at Jacob and draw him into my arms. He rests his cheek against my chest and lets me rub his back.

"You're tummy isn't really sore. It's just the nerves making it feel that way," I say soothingly.

The front door opens and Edward comes in carrying two large grocery bags. "I got everything you..." His voice trails off when he spots us. "Is everything okay?" he asks.

I nod. "Jacob's just feeling a little nervous about tonight."

Edward dumps the bags on the floor and comes to our side. He rubs Jacob's hair, looking down into his face. "Yeah, you do look a little tense." He stares at him thoughtfully. "Why don't we go on a picnic?"

My eyes widen. "We can't go on a picnic, your brothers and sisters are coming for dinner in a few hours," I say.

He bends and lifts the bags. "We were going to have lunch anyway. We'll just pack it and take it with us." He smiles down at Jacob while I try not to glare at him for acting like his little impromptu picnic suggestion won't impact on my preparations for dinner.

Edward is completely oblivious to my dark mood as we make sandwiches and pack a hamper for our picnic. Jacob takes his bike and cycles ahead while Edward and I walk behind.

"You're quiet," Edward remarks, squeezing my hand.

"I could've done without this," I grouse. "I'm cooking for seven people in a couple of hours."

"I'll help you," he says with a smile. "Isn't it more important that Jacob relaxes a little before tonight?"

I shoot a sidelong glance at him. "He could have played the Xbox for an hour."

Edward laughs. "This coming from the woman who hardly lets him near it." I ignore that, but he elbows me in the ribs. "Come on, we're leaving in a couple of days. Won't it be nice to show Jacob the meadow?"

"I can't believe we're taking him to the place where we used to have sex," I say, only half joking.

He lets my hand go and throws his arm across my shoulder pulling me closer. "Don't make it sound so seedy," he admonishes gently. "We used to do more than that. You used to read to me, and we used to talk a lot too," he reminds me.

I slide my arm around his waist. "I'm sorry. Maybe I need to calm down a bit too,"

He kisses the top of my head. "That's better."

Jacob has cycled a bit too far along the path by the time we reach the gap in the trees, and I have to shout loudly when I call him back. He climbs off his bike, watching with a confused expression while I take it from him and lean it against a tree. Edward leads the way, with Jacob in the middle and me following close behind.

"This used to be me and your mom's favourite place," Edward says over his shoulder.

We step out into the meadow and Jacob's eyes roam around the open space before he turns 360 degrees scanning the trees. "Why?" he asks, looking distinctly underwhelmed.

I chuckle. "Because it's so beautiful... and peaceful."

His brow furrows a little while he does another scan of the area. "It's... um... I guess it's nice," he says, trying to inject some enthusiasm into his tone.

I throw my arm around his shoulder and turn him around. "I guess it was too much to expect you to see the beauty in a bunch of trees and flowers."

"No... I like it," he argues futilely.

He perks up when we spread the blanket out and start eating. Edward keeps Jacob's mind off the play by talking about Florida and before long Jacob is full of smiles as he talks about his excitement at seeing Renee and Phil again.

It suddenly hits me that we'll be leaving for good, and all the memories I have of this place start to swirl in my head. Jacob is first to notice my melancholy.

"Are you okay, Mom?" he asks, concern shining in his eyes.

"I'm fine," I insist. "I'm just feeling a little sad that we'll be leaving Forks soon." A tear spills down my cheek and takes me by surprise.

Jacob's eyes widen but he comes forward and hugs me. "We can still come back and visit."

I squeeze him tight and kiss his red cheek. "I know."

Edward tosses him the ball we brought and Jacob looks a little relieved to have an excuse to get away from my silly tears.

"I don't know what came over me," I whisper to Edward. "I guess it's just all the memories getting on top of me."

He rubs my shoulder gently. "Just remember we can take all the good memories with us." He kisses my head. "And leave the bad ones behind." He tilts his head until he catches my eye. He smiles. "It's nice to be here with Jacob," he says before glancing up to see him toss his ball in the air.

"It is," I agree, leaning my head back on his shoulder. "I know I complained earlier, but I'm glad you suggested it."

His hand rests on my hip. "I wonder if he was conceived here."

I dig him in the ribs with my elbow and laugh.

An hour later we're back at the house, and even though it's too early, I set Jacob the task of setting the big table in the living room. It takes him three times as long as it should because he switched the TV on and every time I look into the room he's leaning on the table watching it and not doing what he's supposed to.

Emmett and Rosalie are staying at Alice and Jasper's house so they all arrive together. Alice hands me a big bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine which I almost drop when I attempt to hug her. She catches the wine and her embrace is a little tighter than it needs to be, but when she pulls back and smiles at me I return it willingly.

After the initial round of hellos, I take in their attire. Jasper and Emmett are both wearing suits but without ties. I wonder if they realise it's not a formal event while I take in Alice's dark blue shift dress and Rosalie's deep purple slash neck dress. None of them would look out of place in a clothing advert.

I show them into the living room and leave them with Jacob while I haul Edward into the kitchen.

"Where do they think they're going?" I whisper-hiss. "It's a school play! It's bad enough that we're taking so many people tonight, but we'll look like the frigging mafia walking in dressed like that."

Edward laughs loudly, and I swat his arm.

"It's not funny," I grumble, even though it sort of is.

"Just make sure none of us is carrying a violin case and we'll be fine." He smirks.

"You don't think they're a little overdressed?" I ask, frowning at my own jeans and plain shirt.

"No more than I was that day at Adventureland," he reminds me with a wink. "None of us are versed in the appropriate attire for dates with kids."

The conversation during dinner mostly focuses on our upcoming trip to Florida. A couple of times I notice Emmett and Jasper glancing at each other, but I'm more preoccupied by Jacob pushing food around his plate and not showing any interest in the conversation at all.

Our voices grow quieter and the discussion slowly peters out. Jacob notices the silence and glances up, his face several shades paler than it was at the start of the meal. Edward shoots a concerned glance my way.

I'm just about to suggest taking him upstairs to talk when Emmett clamps his hand on Jacob's shoulder. "It's a big part you've got in the play, right?" he asks.

Jacob nods slowly and his voice is completely devoid of enthusiasm when he responds. "It's the main part."

"I bet you've spent hours learning your lines?" he presses.

Jacob shrugs but his face grows paler.

Emmett stands and cups his hand beneath Jacob's elbow encouraging him to follow suit. "Why don't I go over them with you one last time," he suggests gently. "To put your mind at ease."

Jacob gives Emmett a weak, unconvincing smile before leading him upstairs.

As soon as they've gone I turn back to the table. "He's so nervous," I say, starting to feel my own nerves begin to rev.

"He'll be fine," Edward insists, covering my hand in his.

Rosalie smiles. "I've never seen him so quiet, but I'm sure he'll be okay once he's on the stage."

"I feel nervous for him," Alice says, picking up her wine glass. "Remember that time I was supposed to be in_ Grease_?" she asks, smiling at me.

I smile at the memory. "Yes. You threw up all over your outfit... Oh God! What if Jacob throws up?"

"Nice one, Alice," Edward teases while her face reddens in mortification.

"I forgot I threw up," she defends.

"It's okay," I say, managing a small laugh. Thankfully, Alice was only one of the backing dancers and her absence didn't impact the show at all. I smile at her. "Whatever you do... don't tell Jacob about that until _after_ the play."

Jasper laughs heartily and kisses her cheek.

"Don't tell me what?"

We all turn to see Jacob, looking a lot better, standing in the doorway.

"Nothing," we all say at once.

He frowns.

The school parking lot is teeming with people and many of them glance our way as we head towards the entrance. I look around for the Clearwaters but fail to spot them. I feel like I'm part of an entourage as we file through the front doors and hand over our tickets.

Edward leads everyone into the main hall while I take Jacob backstage. Mr. Williams claps his hands together when he spots us and rushes forward. He thrusts a polythene bag into Jacob's arms and tells him he needs to be ready in ten minutes.

"Joanna will be doing your make up," he says, before spotting someone else and shooting off again.

"Make up?" Jacob gasps.

I laugh. "It's not actually make up. Think of it more as face paint."

This appeases him, and with a quick good luck, I send him on his way. I don't want to hover in case it makes him nervous again, so with my own stomach churning, I force myself to leave him and hurry back to the main hall.

The lights are still bright enough that I can see Edward has found the Clearwaters and they are all sitting in a long line, three rows from the front. I wave as I pass Mike and Claire sitting a few rows behind, and as I'm taking my seat a flash of vivid red catches my eye and I spot Victoria sitting directly in front of us.

Edward gets up and directs me into the seat he was occupying and sits at the other side of me. Rosalie turns and smiles as I sit down. "I've never been to a school play," she says gleefully. "Well, not one I wasn't participating in."

I mouth hello to Sue and Leah who are sitting at the end of the row on the other side of Alice and Jasper.

"I'm so nervous," I confide to Rosalie.

She grins at me. "Jacob will love the fact that we all made it to see his big moment," she says.

At that, Victoria turns and glares at me. "You're only supposed to have four tickets," she says bitchily.

I open my mouth to speak, but Rosalie is too quick for me.

"The star of the show gets as many as he wants," she says, leaning forward slightly.

Victoria's mouth pops open as she stares at Rosalie.

Rosalie lifts her hand and points at the stage, but she does it in such a way that Victoria flinches. "What are you staring at? The stage is that way!" Rosalie snaps.

Victoria's head spins so fast her hair whips around her shoulders as she faces the front again.

Emmett pats Rosalie's knee. "Play nice with the other kids," he jokes, earning himself a sharp elbow in the ribs.

Edward leans forward and looks at Rosalie with a hint of amusement in his expression. "Could you try not to cause a scene... just this once?"

I have no idea how any of the other kids in the play are doing because I can't take my eyes off Jacob all the way through it. To see him up there lost in the moment, you would never know that he'd been so nervous beforehand. Even though he's not the best singer in the world, he is so expressive and enthusiastic that he pulls it off.

Edward squeezes my hand so many times during the performance that I'm sure it'll throb long into the night. I look up at him and his eyes look as moist as my own feel. When the play finishes and the curtain finally falls, Edward pulls me into his arms, raising his voice amid the thunderous applause. "I'm so proud."

Jacob is so high on the journey home, he could practically fly there. He sits in the back yelling out his favourite lines and even attempts to coax Edward into singing one of the songs. Edward declines, and I refrain from mentioning that Jacob inherited his father's poor singing voice.

Sue, Leah and Seth declined our invitation to come back to the house, but everyone else agrees to come back for one drink and to let Jacob revel in his moment of glory. This ends up consisting of Emmett having a sword fight with him in the living room and Jasper being forced to play the part of the pirate who walked the plank.

Jacob is running on fumes by the time I manage to get him upstairs. He takes a quick shower while I lay out his thing for the morning. Once he's got his pajamas on, he insists on going back down to say goodnight one last time and kills another thirty minutes in the process.

Finally, I sit on the edge of his bed and smooth my hand over his forehead. "I'm so proud of you. You were incredible tonight," I tell him.

"I know," he says without a hint of conceit. "I had so much fun. I've decided I'm going to be an actor. Do you think we could find an acting school in Seattle... or maybe we should move to California, that's where _all_ the actors live."

I hug him tightly. "Actors live all over the world."

I leave him lying with his hands folded behind his head and a huge grin plastered on his face. Even though he looks exhausted I know it will be a little while before he falls asleep.

When I reach the bottom of the stairs, I notice Emmett and Jasper deep in conversation in the kitchen. Rosalie calls me into the living room and hands me a glass of wine.

"He was simply amazing," she gushes for the hundredth time tonight. "Oh I can't wait for all of that," she simpers. "It must be brilliant having him around all the time."

I smile sagely. "He has his moments."

I look around the empty living room. "Where are Alice and Edward?"

She sips her wine. "They're out on the porch. Esme called Alice earlier and told her she's going on a Caribbean cruise with one of her friends."

"Really?"

She smirks. "I think she's making that old bastard sweat."

I step to the window and peek out at Edward and Alice on the porch. Edward's shoulders are hunched forward as he listens to Alice. "You don't think Alice is trying to stick up for Carlisle do you?" I ask, turning away from the window.

Rosalie shakes her head. "No, ever since Edward told him about Carlisle coming here after Esme left, she hasn't said one word in his defence. She mentioned earlier that she wanted to make sure that Edward knows he's still her brother no matter what happens. We all know that Carlisle brought this on himself..." She leans forward and lowers her voice, "and I reckon he got what he deserved."

"What's happening with Jasper and Emmett? They looked pretty serious in there," I ask, steering the subject away from Carlisle.

Rosalie sighs. "I was hoping you wouldn't notice that. I told Emmett to leave it for one night."

"What's happening?"

"There's a problem with the business. Jasper and Emmett are leaving for Europe tomorrow." She pauses and looks over her shoulder before turning back and lowering her voice. "You know how Riley left to go work for James?" I nod. "Well, it's just come to light that Riley passed all of Edward's contacts onto James and over the last few weeks they've been trying to win the contracts Edward was setting up."

"Edward said they were almost complete," I tell her. "Does he know about this?"

"I think Emmett was about to tell him when he got caught up with Alice."

"Is it that bad?" I ask, catching the worry in her tone.

She folds her arms across her chest, still cradling her wine glass in her hand. "Yeah. If James wins those contracts his company will double in size overnight while ours will halve. He'll also be better placed to go into direct competition with us... we have a few other contracts that will be up for renewal soon and he'll go for them too."

I can't help but worry that if Edward hadn't stayed here with me they would have known sooner what James was up to.

The phone rings before I can ask Rosalie if this is the case, and I head into the kitchen to answer it. Emmett and Jasper discreetly make their way back into the living room while I talk to Renee and tell her how Jacob fared in the play.

Even the information that the school will be forwarding a DVD of the play to us doesn't dissuade her from asking me a ton of questions. She wants to know every detail, and since she's disappointed that she missed Jacob I don't have the heart to cut the conversation short.

By the time I come off the phone everyone is leaving, and I can tell by the stern set of Edward's face that Emmett has told him everything while I was on the phone. All I can do is thank them for coming and stand in the doorway with Edward and watch them leave. As soon as he shuts the door I turn to look at him.

He leans back against the wall and regards me for a moment. "I'll have to arrange for flights to Florida, we can't take the company jet now because Jasper and Emmett need to use it tomorrow and it wo–"

I mirror his position against the opposite wall. "Rosalie told me what James and Riley are doing."

He clicks his tongue in annoyance, running his hands through his hair as he pushes off the wall and stalks into the kitchen. He refills his wine glass and takes a long drink. "I knew I couldn't trust that bastard... either of them!" He sets the glass down a little too forcefully and it clatters against the countertop. "The thing is, I've already sold my shares to Jasper, so this doesn't really affect me – but I can't leave them in the lurch."

I touch his shoulder. "As soon as Rosalie told me, I knew you'd be going to Europe."

He drains his glass and pours another before turning to face me. "It won't take more than a couple of weeks tops. I'll arrange for flights for you and Jacob for Saturday as planned and I'll join you in Florida as soon as I can." He sighs dejectedly.

"It's not the end of the world. Jacob and I will be fine catching up with Renee and Phil. It's more important that you fix this with Emmett and Jasper."

He lifts my hand and kisses my knuckles, an action that makes me chuckle a bit. He smiles too, but only briefly.

"Carlisle will probably find out about Esme's cruise soon. If he turns up here, call Alice. She'll handle him."

I almost roll my eyes but decide to humour him instead. "I will."

"What time are you leaving?" I ask when he envelopes me in his arms.

"Emmett's picking me up at five am. I need to get some things from the apartment before we leave."

I look up at him. "We'll have to wake Jacob up so you can say goodbye. I don't want him getting up in the morning to find you gone."

He agrees, nuzzling my neck. "Sleep on the sofa with me?" he murmurs against my skin. "I hate sleeping without you."

* * *

** Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	34. Chapter 34

Jacob's eyes drift closed while Edward and I slip out of his bedroom. He stared at us wide-eyed and bemused as Edward explained that he was going to Europe. Even now, I'm not sure he really understood what was going on. He was half asleep throughout the whole conversation, but I'd rather have that than have him wake up for school to find Edward had left without a word.

I cling to Edward out on the porch, not caring that Jasper and Emmett are waiting in the car.

"I wish you didn't have to go," I say, sighing against his lips.

He cradles my face in his hands, sweeping his thumbs over my cheeks. "That makes two of us." His lips provide welcome warmth against the frigid air surrounding us. I moan lightly when his tongue sweeps into my mouth. I feel his smile and can't help reciprocating.

Our smiles fade quickly when he pulls back and gazes at me. "I'll call you ten times a day," he says. "And during the night too if I can't sleep." Our smiles return.

The car engine revs a little, making us groan ruefully before indulging in one last lingering kiss.

"I'll miss you," I tell him as he trudges down the steps. Keeping his eyes on me, he walks backwards for a few steps. I smile sadly but then it drops from my face when he stops abruptly and starts walking back to me.

"Come with me," he says, gripping my shoulders.

I blink in confusion. "What? I can't. Jacob is still sleeping and we're not packed or anything."

"I can arrange for the jet to come back for you on Sunday." His face lights up with the possibility of it. "Think about it. We'll be in London until Tuesday, and then I think we're headed to France then Italy... or vice versa, and then–"

I put my finger to his lips. "Edward, as tempting as that sounds it's not feasible. Jacob doesn't have a passport." His brow furrows, and his face falls with disappointment. "Besides, you'll be working all the time, and Jacob and I would just get in the way."

He shakes his head. "No you wouldn't."

The car revs again.

I pull him down for a quick kiss. "You'll only be gone for a couple of weeks. We can take Jacob to Europe some other time."

I feel bad for him when he finally lets me go and walks to the car with slumped shoulders.

After the car has gone, a lone bird chirps in the tree to signal the dawn of my last full day in Forks.

Jacob wakes in a foul mood which has probably been brought on from tiredness and Edward's departure. I manage to coax him out of it with promises that Edward will be joining us in Florida soon, and the prospect of spending time with Renee and his old friends seems to help too. By the time we reach the school gates the only thing bothering him is the bunch of flowers he has to carry into school for his teacher.

"Can't you take them to the office or something?" he asks, glowering down at the bright bouquet in his arms.

I look across the school yard and see countless other boys carrying flowers and gift bags. "Look," I say, turning him gently to face the railings. "You're not the only one."

He clicks his tongue in annoyance, and his shoulders remain slumped as he trudges off with the bouquet dangling by his side. My warning to be careful not to trail them across the ground earns me a murderous glance over his shoulder.

"I used to hate it when my mom made me take flowers for the teacher."

I turn at the sound of Mike's voice to see him grinning at me as Amy and Louise rush past me with a quick, "Hi Bella**"**. They are both proudly carrying flowers, cradling the bouquets lovingly in their arms as they scurry through the gates.

"Hey," I greet Mike and turn away from the railings and Jacob's retreating form, which reminds me so very much of how Edward looked this morning.

"No Edward?" he asks, bending his knees a little as he glances into my car.

I shake my head. "He had to go to Europe this morning," I say, unable to keep the frown from my face. Mike's brow furrows. "A work related emergency," I elaborate with a shrug.

He shoves his hands in his pockets and regards me for a long moment before speaking. "Today's your last day, right?"

I nod, unable to voice my confirmation.

"You got plans?"

"Just some last minute packing up. Edward arranged for someone to come by later and take the last of my stuff to his apartment in Seattle. Oh, and I have a couple of loads of trash to get rid of," I tell him. "All riveting stuff."

"Anything I can help with?" he asks, leaning on my car.

"Not really, but if you're free I'd love some company."

Mike follows me in his car and when we arrive he makes a call to work. I scowl at him when I realise that he's taking the day off to spend time with me, but inside I'm secretly pleased that we'll have a few hours together before I leave.

I tell him about Edward's trip to Europe while he helps me drag boxes of junk out onto the porch. The house is mostly bare except for the few bits of furniture that Sam and Emily wanted to keep. While the percolator is bubbling, I gaze around the empty kitchen, noticing the wallpaper and the cracked linoleum for the first time since I got here. With everything packed away it looks shabby and dated. I already know that Sam and Leah intend to rip out the cabinets and start again.

"What are you doing for lunch and dinner?" Mike asks, spotting that the fridge is empty except for the bottle of milk I take out for our coffee.

"I'm taking Jacob to the diner for lunch and Sue invited us over for dinner tonight," I reply, handing him his cup. "Hey, why don't you and the girls join us for lunch?"

"Yeah, they'd like that." He accepts with a smile.

After our coffee break, we fill both cars up with trash sacks, and junk and it only takes one run to the recycling unit instead of the two I had anticipated.

When we arrive back, I head upstairs to finish packing the bags in preparation for bringing them downstairs. Mike makes himself comfortable on the bed while I go through the drawers to make sure I haven't forgotten anything.

"It's funny how things turn out," Mike remarks while I'm dragging our bags out of the closet.

"What?" I ask over my shoulder.

"I used to wonder what your bedroom looked like," he says. "Back when I had a crush on you... and here I am years later lying on your bed."

I turn to find him grinning at me.

I laugh. "Ewww, this isn't where you tell me you had fantasies about me is it?"

He winks. "I was a hormonal teenager. I had fantasies about half of the girls in Forks." He clasps his hands behind his head. "But relax, you weren't my star turn." He clasps his hands behind his head and waggles his eyebrows at me. "I'm glad I never made a move on you."

"Why didn't you?" I ask, realising that I probably knew he had a thing for me back in high school. "I mean there was that time you and Jessica split up for a month. We got pretty close then."

"I could say I liked you too much as a friend," he says with a smile. "That's what all the guys say, right?"

I can't help but laugh. "Yeah, I guess. So why didn't you?"

"I knew you weren't into me. I didn't want the rejection." He starts off jokingly, but then he sobers and stares at me. "And I really didn't want to ruin our friendship."

"It got ruined anyway," I point out.

He turns onto his side and props himself up on his elbow. "I hated doing that, but I really loved Jess and I just wanted to make her happy."

"I know," I say. "I'm not condemning you for it. I just wish you hadn't had to make a choice."

I remember what Edward said in the meadow the other day about leaving my bad memories behind and it lifts my spirits.

"I have a confession to make," I tell him. He quirks an eyebrow at me. "Remember that first time I ran into you outside your shop not long after I came back to Forks?" He nods. "I didn't want to stop and talk to you that day. I didn't want anything to do with anyone from the past so I was trying to get rid of you."

He sits up and laughs heartily. "You think I didn't know that?" He gets up off the bed and comes towards me. "You looked so sad that day... and kinda lost. If it hadn't been for that I would've just left you alone, but you looked like you could use a friend."

"Thank you for persevering, even though I didn't deserve it. If it wasn't for you, I think I would've got everything wrong with Edward. You made me see things from his point of view, and if I hadn't had that perspective, I doubt I'd be standing here now getting ready to go and spend my life with him."

He clamps his hand to my shoulder. "Are you sure you're doing the right thing?" he asks, concern evident in his eyes. "You seem to be giving up everything to move out here."

My smile never falters. "I have everything to gain." I stoop and grab the handle of the suitcase. "Besides, this is a conversation I'll be having with my mom in a couple of days. Please don't make me have it twice." I look at him pointedly, and he holds his hands up in surrender.

"Okay," he says. "I had to ask. I just want you to be happy Bella. You deserve it."

I look up into his kind face. I open my mouth to speak, but my lips tremble and he pulls me into his arms. He tells me he'll miss me and soothes me while I struggle to compose myself. I look back up at him with warm cheeks.

"I'm sorry," I offer, feeling foolish. "It's not like I won't see you again."

He brushes a tear from beneath my eye. "I know, but it does feel like the end of an era."

He carries the cases downstairs for me and leaves them in the living room. We take Mike's car to pick the kids up, and they are delighted when we tell them we're going to the diner for lunch.

Jacob was a little quiet when he came out of the school gates and said goodbye to his new friends, but I can see by the way he's talking animatedly with Louise that he's perked up. It's just another reason to be glad of Mike's friendship.

We linger over our drinks long after the meal has finished, and it's late afternoon when Mike drives us home. All that's left to do is say goodbye.

His girls wait in the car,and Jacob heads straight into the house while Mike holds me on the porch. I kiss his chin when he kisses my forehead and tears threaten again when I watch him leave.

Jacob throws himself on the couch and switches the TV on. I flop down beside him and stare at the screen while he channel surfs. He leaps up when there is a knock on the door. I grab his hand and tell him to sit down. He shoots me a curious glance, but I insist that I'll get it.

I'm relieved to see Alice through the glass as I make my way down the hallway. Her smile is a little tight when I open the door.

"Hi," she says, making no move to come in.

I invite her in, and her smile widens as she steps into the hall beside me.

Jacob pops his head around the doorway, "Hi Aunt Alice," he says with a wave. Alice beams at him.

Jacob goes back to the TV when I lead Alice into the kitchen.

"I'd offer you coffee," I say. "But I used the last of the milk for my own. Sorry."

"It's okay," she says, waving the apology away with a flutter of her hand. She glances at my bags resting against the wall. "What time do you leave tomorrow?"

"Edward's arranged for a car to pick us up at six."

Her head bobs, and our conversation stalls. I lean back on the counter and fold my arms across my chest. She stares blankly at the bags for a few moments before finally turning to me.

"I'm going to see Dad today," she says finally. Her eyes meet mine. "I wanted to come and tell you so you won't have to worry about him turning up here." She rakes her fingers through her hair and frowns. "I'm going to stay at his place tonight... I need to talk to him about all this and try to make some sense..." Her jaw tightens and she shakes her head a little. "I'm sorry, you don't need to know all this... I'm just–"

I move towards her. "Alice, I appreciate that you're trying to put my mind at ease. I don't need you to apologise on behalf of your dad."

She looks at me sadly. "I think we're all having to adjust to this. Mom is in bits about it... I can't believe that he would be so cruel." She looks away and trains her gaze on something beyond the window. "I suppose you could say it shouldn't have been a surprise, but it really was. I need to go there tonight and try to make some sense of how this man who's loved me all my life could be so cruel and horrible and I never saw it."

Again, she shakes her head as if clearing it of nasty thoughts. "Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that there won't be a repeat performance of last week's altercation."

"Thank you," I say, unable to say anything further. I don't want to hear about how blind the Cullens have been. It makes it worse, not better.

She must sense my reluctance because she tells me she should go, and I follow her to the door. She ducks into the living room and says a quick goodbye to Jacob, wishing him a safe journey and telling him she can't wait to see more of him when we move to Seattle. Jacob accepts her hug eagerly before turning his attention back to the TV.

She hugs me on the porch. "I wish we could be friends again," she whispers before letting me go.

I feel a pang of guilt. I've forgiven myself, and I've forgiven Edward. Maybe it's time to forgive Alice too. I squeeze her arm. "I'll see you when I get back."

She smiles and hugs me again.

The rest of the day passes in a flurry of activity. Saying goodbye to the Clearwaters is just as difficult, and I'm glad to finally get away before I embarrass myself further.

Jacob goes to bed as soon as we get home, and I sit alone in the living room drinking wine and looking over old photographs that I put in an album. It helps to see Charlie with his dark hair and full, bushy moustache. This is how I want to remember him – and even though my smile trembles – it never fades while I look at each picture.

Clutching the album to my chest and still holding my wine glass, I head upstairs and open his bedroom door. I rest my hip on the door frame as I stare into the emptiness. I'd forgotten all about the camp bed and step tentatively into the room, wondering if I should strip it down now or leave it till morning. I sit down on it and pick up a pillow, bringing it to my nose to inhale Edward's scent which makes me feel better and gives me the strength to stay.

I set my glass on the floor and curl up on the bed. It was too dark to visit the cemetery by the time we left Sue's, but somehow this is better. I lie on my back and close my eyes. At first the memories are painful ones of his last few days: the smell of the room, the awful pained groans, his cold clammy skin beneath my fingers, the weak beat of his heart beneath my cheek. But as my mind casts further back I start to recall other things.

I remember Charlie sitting bare-chested in the bed listening to me talking. I can't remember what I was telling him, but his smile was wide and his eyes shone with pride as he listened to me. My smile widens at the memory of his laughter when Renee brought in coffee and burnt pancakes. She swatted his arm when he held one up and waved it in front of my face with a theatrical grimace.

I remember how happy I was when he kissed her cheek by way of apology and squeezed my hand at the same time. I thought we would always have mornings like that. Tears slip down my cheeks as I cry softly into the pillow. I never want to forget the sound of his laughter or how his moustache lifted when he smiled.

In the morning I wake up groggy as hell with a slight hangover. I've just finished packing the bed away when the car arrives at six a.m. to take us to Seattle. Jacob looks as listless as I feel when he sags onto the suitcase in the hallway. I usher him out onto the porch and deposit him on the bench while I make one final check that everything is switched off and locked up.

As I walk around the empty house for the last time I feel peaceful. I thought I would feel like I was leaving something fundamental behind, but I don't. I know that I'm taking Charlie with me. Leah and Sam will transform the house and there will be no trace of Charlie left, but it doesn't matter, it's only bricks and mortar. Charlie is not part of this house, he is part of me.

I put the keys through the letterbox and don't look back.

Due to the late booking, the only flights we could get include a connection in Atlanta. It's almost nine p.m. when we arrive in Jacksonville. Jacob, who has been grouchy for the whole day, perks up when we walk across the tarmac to the terminal. We pick up our bags at the baggage claim, and Jacob trots happily beside me while we make our way out to find Renee.

I spot Phil first when he raises his hand to wave at us. Renee darts out from behind the people standing in front of us and rushes forward, her smile almost as wide as her outstretched hands.

Jacob yells "Nana!" and hurtles into her arms.

They squeeze each other so tightly they both go red and then I watch, smiling, as she kisses every inch of his face. "I missed you so much." She stands and holds him at arms length. "You've grown!" she exclaims.

Jacob preens under her gaze. "All my pants got too short," he tells her proudly. "Mom had to buy me new ones."

Renee ruffles his hair as he steps away and turns to greet Phil. She straightens, lifting her eyes to me, and a loving smile spreads across her face. "You look great," she says, her eyes roaming down my body. "You've put on some weight."

I look down frowning. "Have I?"

Her laugh is light and melodic as she pulls me into her arms and presses her face into my hair. She squeezes me tight for the longest time. "You were too thin last time I saw you. I'm so happy to see you looking..." She pulls back and looks into my eyes. "Happy. You look like you're happy."

"I am." I smile.

She shoots me a knowing look that tells me we'll be discussing this at length later.

I hear a broad chuckle behind me and turn to see Jacob wrapped in Phil's arms. Phil opens his arms wider, and I step into his embrace alongside Jacob. "It's good to have you back," he says, squeezing my shoulder. He looks down at Jacob. "Tomorrow, we need to pitch some balls and get in some batting practice. I bet you're really rusty, J."

Jacob beams up at him. "I've been practicing with my dad. I'm still good, but I want to buy a soccer ball. Dad bought me an A C Milan shirt. They're an Italian soccer team... they call it football in Europe though. Did you know that?"

Phil laughs and nods. Jacob doesn't shut up all the way to Renee's house.

Renee insists we spend the night at her house, arguing that there's no point in us going back to an empty apartment when she'd just follow us there anyway. Jacob is ecstatic when I agree, and spends over an hour regaling Phil and Renee with all his news about the school play. I curl up beside Renee, sipping my wine while she rubs my arm affectionately.

After Jacob goes to bed, Phil leaves us alone together, and she wraps her arm around my shoulder and rests her feet on the coffee table next to mine. "I'm so proud of you," she says with a contented sigh. "I was so worried about you when you went to Forks." She smoothes her fingers through my hair and kisses my temple. "You did good, baby."

"I missed you so much, Mom."

"Me too, sweetie. We'll have to make the most of the few weeks we have."

I detect the sadness in her tone and tilt my face up to look at her. She tries to smile but doesn't quite manage it. "Are you sure you're doing the right thing?" she asks.

"He's everything I want, Mom. He makes me feel... loved." I grimace at her, but she smiles knowingly. "He's given me a sense of belonging that I've never had before. I love him so much–"

Her wide smile stops me. "I remember how broken you were when you came to Phoenix. I was all set to hate him when I came to Forks, but the way you and Jacob talked about him... I could see you were falling and so I had to put my own feelings aside and try to see what you two were seeing."

I blush slightly. "And did you?"

"I saw a man who couldn't take his eyes off either of you. He had this look in his eyes... it was like pure longing and it was almost painful to look at." She leans back, sighing and twirling a lock of my hair as she looks at me. "You and Jacob had it too."

"Did we?"

"Remember how you thought I was setting you up with him that night we went to dinner?" I nod and she continues. "I wasn't. I wanted you to knock him dead. Let him see what he had thrown away. But when he arrived you lit up when you saw him. Sure you were shocked to see him, but your reaction to him was so telling." She takes my hand. "When he came to Forks after Jacob got in trouble, we talked a lot."

I narrow my eyes at her. "You grilled him didn't you?" I accuse.

"I just wanted to hear his side of the story."

"Did he tell you?"

"He was very honest and forthcoming... and carrying a whole lot of guilt around with him." She sighs harshly. "He probably deserved to feel guilty, but hearing how hollow his life has been was pretty hard to take. We were here enjoying Jacob—" She stops abruptly and kisses my knuckles. "I believed him when he told me all he wants is to spend his life taking care of you and Jacob."

"He said that to you?" I gasp.

"Yeah," she shrugs. "Right before he lamented the fact that you and Mike were together and he'd missed his chance." She chuckles a little. "I didn't bother to correct him. I thought it wouldn't do him any harm to think about that for a little while."

She leans forward and refills our glasses before handing one to me and clinking them together. "I knew he'd fight for you."

Nothing is ever black and white for Renee; it's all shades of grey. She never holds grudges and is always willing to forgive and forget if the person makes the right moves towards redemption. I think I'm more like Charlie than I realised. She forgave Edward in one conversation while it took me months to let go of the past.

We stay up talking long into the night, and in the morning we are both tired and wincing at the volume Jacob is emitting while he talks to Phil. I'd missed waking up to bright sunshine, and as soon as I step outside into the yard the heat envelops me.

Jacob follows me out, carrying his bowl of cereal, and sits at the table beneath the parasol.

"Can we go to the beach today?" he asks.

I laugh because there is a gate at the bottom of Renee's back yard that leads directly out onto the beach. "Just for a little while," I say. "We need to go back to the apartment this afternoon."

He nods and scoops a huge spoonful of cereal into his mouth, before making me laugh with his remark that it's nice to see the sky again.

I wind up returning to the apartment alone. Phil has taken Jacob to the beach and Renee suggests leaving him with them while I go back and get things ready. Driving through the familiar streets, I realise how much I missed the place. It's so bright and bustling and everything that Forks is not.

The entrance to our apartment is at the rear of the building, and I struggle with my bags as I climb the outer steps to get to it. There used to be another entrance from within the building, but when the restaurant owners stopped living in the apartment they blocked it up and had this one constructed instead.

A cool waft of musty air greets me when I swing the door open. Renee said she had aired the apartment yesterday, but judging by the stale smell, that probably entailed opening the windows for twenty minutes.

The apartment seems even smaller than it did before. I open the curtains in the living room and look around. Suddenly it's like seeing the place through fresh eyes. The sofa looks too large for the cramped confines of the ridiculously small room. The furniture consists of a dark oak coffee table that doesn't match the mahogany TV cabinet or pine book case. Most things I own are old relics salvaged from Renee's many redecorating ventures.

I walk through each room opening the windows, but the air is so warm and humid it does little to freshen the air. My heart sinks further when I look around the kitchen. My eyes fall on the scraped porcelain on the stove from my overzealous cleaning and the peeling paint on the cabinets.

I never really dwelt on these things before. Sure, I noticed them, but I was always too busy to actually expend any time or effort fixing things. It never mattered what my apartment looked like when I was always in a rush to get to work on time, or to get Jacob to school in the morning. Looking at it now though, I can see how tatty it is.

At least Jacob's room is presentable. Renee decorated it last year for his birthday, and it's the one room in the apartment that is bright and vibrant. I put clean sheets on his bed before heading to my own room. Since Jacob needed space for his toys, I took the small bedroom.

The wicker headboard on my double bed looks old-fashioned and doesn't match the white dresser that I brought when I moved out of Renee's house. There is an overstuffed crimson easy chair in one corner and a full length mirror in the other. I sit on the edge of my bed and scan the room. I wonder what Edward will make of it.

The only thing that bothered me about this apartment was that there was no garden for Jacob to play in. Jacob has never complained because he's never known anything else. Besides, he's spent a lot of evenings at Renee's or his friend's houses while I've been at work.

I push my disappointment at the state of my apartment aside and set about making my bed. I'm elbow deep in the duvet cover when my cell rings. A glance quickly at the screen and smile before answering. "You're only five hours ahead of me now," I say.

"I would've called sooner but I've been in meetings all day."

He sounds tired and despondent.

"Is everything alright?" I ask, concerned that things are not going well. When he called last night as soon as he arrived, he sounded much brighter than this.

His response is preceded by the sound of his breath rushing into the receiver. "It's been a nightmare trying to get these people to meet with us on the weekend. Thankfully, most of them are workaholics like us, so they finally agreed."

"But you won't be a workaholic for much longer," I say.

"I haven't been for a while," he counters. "Anyway, let's not talk about this. How was your journey? Is Jacob happy to be back?"

I lie on my bed and talk to him for over an hour. It feels a little strange talking to him in these surroundings, and I still can't imagine that soon he will be in this apartment with me: Something I never thought would happen.

Later, when Jacob is home, Edward rings again and Jacob tells him how much he misses him and can't wait for him to get here. That night I tuck Jacob into his own bed and his eyes scan the room.

"My room is smaller," he remarks, wrinkling his nose.

"It just seems that way," I tell him. "You've been used to the bigger rooms in Forks and Seattle."

He rolls onto his side and stares at me. "It's great to be back, but I wish Dad was here."

I sweep my hand over his hair. "I do too."

He nods, and I catch a fleeting glimpse of sadness in his eyes before he looks away.

I settle on the bed beside him, and he nestles his head on my chest. My fingers slide through his hair, massaging his scalp gently, and he sighs softly.

"I had a great time at the beach today," he says quietly. "It was better than the beach at La Push." He looks up at me. "It's better when the sun is out, and it's not so cold. Dad will like it better too."

The fact that he's used the word better three times in the same sentence does not escape me. "Yes, the beach is definitely more fun when it's warm and sunny." I squeeze his shoulder. "And I much prefer sand to pebbles."

I feel his smile.

Over the next couple of weeks, Jacob settles into a good summer routine which consists mainly of sleepovers with his friends and frequent trips to the beach. Bored for the first time in my life, my thoughts start to drift to college, and I spend a lot of time sitting at the tiny desk in my living room browsing prospectuses online. I can't decide which college to go to so I order as many as I can.

One lonely night after Jacob has gone to bed I sit alone in the living room thinking about my life. Mike's remark that I'm giving everything up to be with Edward plays over and over in my mind. Jacob loves it here, he has friends and Renee and Phil. He loves school here and likes nothing better than being able to go to the beach as often as he wants.

I, on the other hand, have never really laid down proper roots. I have Jacob, and I have Renee and Phil. Everyone else has been held at arm's length. I barely socialise with people I work with, and Jacob's friend's moms are merely women who are in the same boat as me. I help them when I can and in return they help me. Some of them spend a lot of time visiting or socialising with each other, but I was either too busy or too tired. I never made the effort.

I never built a life for myself except for the one I had with Jacob. However, Renee has been my rock and sadness engulfs me when I try to imagine what it will be like to live on the other side of the country from her permanently. Renee is the only sacrifice I will have to make, but there is truth in Mike's words. In one way I am giving up everything to be with Edward.

I push these thoughts aside and start leafing through the college prospectuses I brought from Seattle. It's time to concentrate on the positives.

It's almost three weeks since we got here and, watching Jacob frolic in the sea with his two best friends, it feels like we've never been away. We've enjoyed so many weekends like this. This stretch of beach outside Renee's house is always relatively quiet compared to the more public beach further down the shore. Other residents often use it, and there is the occasional jogger passing this way, but for the most part there are never more than a dozen people in sight at any one time.

With a long look at Jacob to make sure he's not too far into the water, I roll onto my front and pick up my book. I barely make it to the bottom of the page when my cell rings. I sit up and pull the rim of my hat down to shade my eyes. Once I spot Jacob I keep my eyes trained on him as I answer.

"Hi, long time no hear," I greet, only half-joking. I haven't heard from Edward since evening yesterday, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried.

"Sorry, my feet haven't touched the ground since last night," Edward explains.

"Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine now. I'll tell you about it when I see you, but everything is sorted."

I sigh with relief. "You got the contracts?"

"Every last one," he says with pride.

A wave of relief washes over me. Not just because of the business, but because this means he'll be coming home to me. "I'm glad. So you're coming home now?"

"Home," he repeats wistfully. "Where exactly are you now?"

A burst of Jacob's laughter carries on the wind. "I'm at the beach," I tell him. "It's a beautiful day."

"That's great," he says. "What are you doing?"

"Missing you."

A soft chuckle rumbles down the line. "Yeah, I feel like that's all I've been doing lately too. So you're not a bikini girl?"

"What?" I ask, confused.

"I'm just imagining you alone on the beach, reading, and I'm guessing you're not a bikini girl."

I look down at my yellow t-shirt and khaki shorts, confused by the question. I decide to play him at his own game. "I am wearing a bikini," I lie. "It's red." I bite my lip, waiting for his response.

"I can't wait to see you in a bikini, you have a fantastic body," he says huskily. "And you know I love you in red."

The sexy timbre of his voice thrills me. "It's very revealing," I tease. "I'm building up a nice tan. Maybe I'll show you my white bits when you get here."

"Is the beach busy?" he asks, switching gears.

"Not really."

"So I don't have to worry about any other men enjoying the view while I can't?" His voice is light and teasing, and I suspect he knows I'm not really lying around on display.

I look up and down the beach to see that there are only a handful of people present. Most are sunbathing, but a couple of teenagers are throwing a Frisbee around.

"You're checking?" he asks with a tinge of humour in his tone.

"No," I deny.

"Maybe you should check again," he says softly. My breath hitches , but I quickly realise that he can't possibly be here.

"I don't need to check," I say with a laugh. "I'm sitting here in shorts and a t-shirt, and Jacob and his friends are playing in the surf a few feet away."

"So you're _sure _there aren't any hot guys ogling you?"

I frown. "You're not serious?"

"I am," he insists.

"Edw—"

"I'd defy any man not to be drawn to you. I'm certain there's someone admiring the way your tan is enhanced by that yellow t-shirt."

I leap to my feet and do a complete one eighty, scanning the beach. At first I don't spot him but when I do my heart soars in my chest. He is leaning against a palm tree about fifty feet away, his phone held to his ear and looking devastatingly handsome in a white t-shirt and light cotton trousers. He raises his hand and waves as his chuckle floats down the line.

I resist the urge to run at him squealing like a child. "Did you just call yourself hot?" I ask, grinning as I force myself to walk at a normal pace towards him.

"You don't think I'm hot?" He starts to move towards me and I can't stand it any longer. I launch into a run.

He opens his arms when I get closer and I slam into him, flinging my arms around him. "I can't believe you're here." I pant into his neck.

He grabs my face, tilting it up to meet his and kisses me wholeheartedly. "I'm sorry I didn't call. I wanted it to be a surprise," he says when he finally pulls back.

I pull him in for another kiss just as I hear Jacob's yell. I turn to see him sprinting towards us.

"Dad!" he yells, excitedly.

I step to the side to avoid being crushed, and Jacob leaps into his arms. "I didn't know you were coming back today."

"I just got here," Edward says, wrapping Jacob in a bone-crushing hug.

"How did you know where to find us?" Jacob asks when Edward sets him down again.

"I went to your apartment first, but when you weren't there I called Renee and she told me you were here."

Jacob grabs his hand. "Come and meet my friends,"

Edward lets Jacob pull him along while I follow happily. I can't believe he's finally here, and my stomach is doing somersaults with excitement.

Jacob bounces on his feet as he calls his friends over. "This is my dad!" he yells before they've even reached us.

Josh and Connor both shield their eyes from the sun as they squint up at Edward.

"He just got here from Europe," Jacob says, his voice filled with pride.

Despite the fact they are standing right in front of Edward, both boys wave a little awkwardly and say, "Hi."

Jacob tries to show off a little for Edward by trying to bounce the ball in the air using his knees, but it quickly goes awry and his friends drag him back towards the sea.

"You have a half-hour," I call after them as I sit down on the blanket. "And then we have to go home."

Edward drops down beside me and throws his arm around my shoulder. "Do you think Jacob would be embarrassed if his parents made out like teenagers on the beach?"

I laugh and jab his ribs with my elbow. "Definitely."

He clicks his tongue in faux disappointment. "I guess we'll have to save it for later." He smiles, gazing down at me. "God, you're a sight for sore eyes. You look beautiful. The sun suits you."

I press my lips to his shoulder. "You look a little pale, maybe you should take your shirt off and let the sun get at you."

"The sun, huh?" He chuckles, but to my delight he slides his hands under the hem of his shirt and pulls it off in one fluid motion.

I bite my lip and can't resist running my hand over his broad back. "Maybe I should put some sun cream on you," I suggest.

"Sure," he says with a knowing smile.

He scoots forward, bringing his knees up and leaning his elbows on them. Grabbing the bottle, I kneel behind him and squeeze a large dollop of cream into my hands. I spread it out over his back and start to massage it in.

"That's nice," he murmurs contentedly as my fingers smooth circles over every inch of his skin.

"You should have called," I say while I work in the lotion. "I would've picked you up at the airport."

He rolls his head a little when I knead the muscles between his shoulders. "I wanted it to be a surprise so I took a cab."

I lean forward to kiss his temple. "It's a lovely surprise." I smile. "I thought you were getting all possessive on me when you started talking about hot guys ogling me."

He turns and plants a quick peck on my lips. "You do bring out the possessive side in me... but I'll try to control it."

I move to the front and instruct him to lean back on his hands to let me do his chest. He opens his legs, and I kneel between them. His abs are taut, and I feel a frisson of awareness tingle down my spine as I run my fingers over them.

His eyes meet mine. "Maybe you should stop now," he says ruefully, his voice croaking slightly. "I don't think it would be appropriate if I pitch a tent in these loose pants with kids around."

I look down at his crotch and see the slight bulge. I drop my hands and sit back a little.

He adjusts himself surreptitiously, before stretching out and crossing his legs at his ankles. I shift to his left, pulling my feet in towards my body and face him.

"Your mom's house is great," he remarks, scanning the beach. "This is practically her back yard."

"Yeah," I agree. "This beach is quite private; it's mostly only the residents from the houses who come here."

I watch as his eyes trail the length of the beach, taking in the long stretch of houses that line it. "It's like a different world," he says. "Especially when you're used to more cities that don't have beaches."

He sighs contentedly and flops onto his back.

"So is everything okay with the business now?" I enquire, glancing at him from beneath the rim of my hat. I can't resist pulling his hand into my lap. I brush my thumb over his knuckles while I weave my fingers between his.

"Yep, we got all the contracts signed and James and Riley are welcome to the scraps we left behind. They won't be getting any big contracts for a while... Emmett will see to that. We did better than we expected, and Jasper and Alice are moving to London."

"Really?" I ask, surprised by the news.

He smiles. "He was originally going to take over the South American division, but we got so many contracts in Europe someone will have to be there to oversee them."

"It's a big decision to make so suddenly," I muse. "But then Alice always did want to go to Europe."

"They've been talking about it since Jasper bought me out. It was a toss-up between Brazil and Europe, but as soon as Europe was on the table there was only ever going to be one option for Alice. I can just see her traipsing around the trendy cities in Europe," he says with an affectionate smile. "She'll love it there. Though, it's just a five year deal. I don't think they will stay there permanently."

Jacob doesn't stay away long. Barely ten minutes have passed when he plonks himself down beside us and shakes his wet hair like a dog, covering Edward and I with a spray of sea water. Edward grabs him and tickles his ribs until he is squealing for mercy.

"I don't want to go to the sleepover tonight," Jacob announces when he's got his breath back. "Connor's mad at me."

I look over to see his two friends trudging along the beach towards us... not looking happy at all. "It's okay," I assure him. "Let's go talk to them."

We rise in tandem and walk towards his friends. They perk up when I tell them that we can reschedule for next weekend, and if it's not convenient for Connor's mom they can have the sleepover in our apartment.

Edward shakes out the blanket while I drop my book and the lotion into my bag, and he takes my hand as we stroll back towards Renee's house. Jacob keeps glancing at us over his shoulder as if he expects us to disappear.

Renee invites us to stay for dinner, but since I have to take Connor and Josh home we take a rain check. After we've loaded Edward's bags into my car we head off.

During the drive across town Jacob and his friends chatter like monkeys in the back seat. They get louder and louder and by the time we arrive at Connor's house they have reached an ear-splitting volume. I catch the glimmer of relief that flickers on Edward's face as they pile out of the car. I also notice the tiredness that is now etched into his features.

I explain the change of plans to Connor's mom as quickly as I can in my eagerness to get back to Edward, and afterwards Jacob trots happily to the car having been promised a sleepover next weekend.

"You look exhausted," I remark to Edward when I get back in the car.

His smile is slow and weary. "I am a little," he admits. "I didn't get much sleep in Europe."

"Your body clock must have been off," I say.

He stares at me for a while before responding. "I don't sleep well without you."

Jacob's groan of distaste makes us both laugh.

I stop en route and buy Chinese food. I don't feel like cooking and Edward looks like he'll keel over if he doesn't get some rest soon. I hand Jacob the keys, and he dashes up the steps to open the door while Edward retrieves his bags from the trunk and I carry the food.

Jacob swings the door open theatrically and beckons Edward inside. "This is our apartment," he says, and I wish I felt as proud of it as he seems to be.

Edward glances at me, giving me a little smile before he steps inside. "This is the living room," Jacob says, pulling him into it.

I watch as Edward's eyes roam around the room. His expression is difficult to read, but I can see he is deliberately trying to keep it impassive. He looks at the pictures of Jacob on the walls, and a hint of a smile twitches on his lips.

"Bring your bags," Jacob instructs, and I roll my eyes as he leads Edward straight to my bedroom. He glances at me briefly as he opens the door and looks up at Edward. "Um... you should probably put them in here... this is Mom's room."

Jacob's eyes swing hesitantly to meet mine. A crimson blush stains his cheeks, and I rub my hand across my mouth to hide my mirth. It's not like we need Jacob's permission, but he seems to be giving it anyway.

Edward – looking a tiny bit amused himself – thanks Jacob before entering my room. Jacob and I both stand in the doorway as he drops his bags beside the bed and glances around. The room looks even smaller with him in it. He turns to face us.

"What?" he asks, his brow creasing in confusion.

I realise that Jacob and I are both watching him for some kind of reaction to our home.

"Come see my room," Jacob says, before I have the chance to speak. "Mine"s bigger."

Edward squeezes my shoulder as he passes. He admires Jacob's room and listens intently while Jacob opens drawers and doors to show him some of his toys and books. On a roll, he drags Edward by the sleeve to show him the rest of the apartment. I catch Edward's frown when he peers into the tiny bathroom. In fact, shower room would be more appropriate since we don't have a bath.

By the time Jacob shows him the small galley kitchen, his face is grim and he's failing in his efforts to hide it. I tell Jacob to go wash his hands before I set our food on the counter and start pulling plates out of the cabinet.

"In the bathroom," I say, when he attempts to do it at the kitchen sink.

"I know it's not much," I say, turning to see Edward staring at the huge dent in the fridge. I got it on sale because of that dent, and it irks me that he's frowning at it. "But it's the best I could do."

His eyes snap up, and he instantly steps towards me. "You think I'm judging you?"

"You seem... I don't know, disappointed... underwhelmed," I say quietly.

"I feel bad," he admits, sliding his fingers into my hair and cradling my head in his hands. He kisses my forehead. "But not because I'm disappointed in you. It's just... this place looks like the apartment of someone who has had to struggle to make ends meet. I'm embarrassed that I've been living in the lap of luxury while you and Jacob have been scraping by."

"I did the best I could," I say defensively.

He's at my side in a flash. "Look at me," he requests, placing his hands on my shoulders. I lift my eyes. "This is just material stuff. Yes, I think you two deserve the best of everything, but you've clearly provided what he needs most in abundance. He's happy and healthy and loves you with all his heart... and judging by the hundred and one pictures you have of him around this apartment, he's been the centre of your world." He presses his lips to my temple. "I hate to think of how hard it has been for you... and I can't help wishing I'd been here too."

He pulls me close. "I want to give you everything," he whispers into my hair. "I don't want you to cope alone anymore." He pulls back to look at me again, and a warm smile spreads across his face. "I just want to love you and make you happy."

"You already do."

After dinner, Edward falls asleep in front of the TV. After I get Jacob settled, I go back to the living room and switch everything off before waking him.

He startles when I whisper in his ear, and his disoriented eyes dart around for a brief moment before he remembers where he is. "Bedtime," I whisper.

We undress quickly, and I smile when he folds his clothes neatly and places them on the chair in the corner. I dump my own in the laundry basket beside it and pull a nightshirt out of my drawer. I remove my underwear and step towards the bed.

"Which side do you sleep on?" Edward asks.

"The right side," I say with a smile, lifting the duvet on that side.

He slides in beside me and scoops me into his arms. His kiss is tender, and I revel in the feel of his warm body pressed against mine. "Jacob's still awake," I warn him when his kisses become more fervent.

He slides his hand down my body, between my breasts and his fingers capture the hem of my nightshirt. He raises it up slowly and rests his hand on my naked hip. "I know, I'm just enjoying being with you again," he whispers before burying his head in my neck and falling quickly asleep.

It's still relatively early, and I lie awake for a while listening to his rhythmic breathing and running my hands gently over his back and shoulders. Every now and then he sighs contentedly and each time my heart swells with love for him.

For so long I wanted this desperately: to spend my nights in his arms. There was even the occasional night when I lay in this bedroom and allowed myself to wonder what he was doing and my heart ached for him. I never thought we would have a second chance.

I lie in the darkness with him wrapped all around me, his breath fluttering across my skin and his heart beating against mine, and I feel like I should pinch myself to make sure that it's not just a dream.

* * *

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	35. Chapter 35

"This is it!" Jacob yells, grabbing the railings and hoisting himself up onto the wall. His eyes are bright and cheeks flushed with excitement as he stares at the red brick building of his old school.

"Be careful!" I scold.

Jacob ignores me and continues to address Edward. "This was my school." He turns back to the site before him and peers through the railings, his expression wistful. "See the climbing frame over there?" he asks, letting go with one hand to point.

I rush closer, ready to catch him if he slips.

"I see them," Edward says, following his line of sight. He moves in front of me and grips Jacob's calf muscles to steady him.

"That's where I broke my leg," Jacob says.

"You didn't break your leg," I chide. "You chipped a bone in your elbow. You broke your leg jumping off the roof of my car when you thought you were Superman."

"Oh yeah," Jacob says, remembering. He glances at Edward who is making a bad job of hiding his amusement. I can tell he's not amused by the injuries themselves, but rather the circumstances surrounding them. "Well this time I was Spiderman and Josh was the Green Goblin. I fell when my web shooter malfunctioned."

He says it so seriously Edward and I have to stifle our laughter. I manage to coax him down off the wall, and we walk to the gates where he can see in without climbing. Edward listens intently while Jacob gives him a rundown of every injury he gained in the play ground. I never thought about it before, but I have a very clumsy son.

There's a playground not far from the school, and Edward and I sit on a bench while Jacob runs around with some kids he doesn't know. Edward slides his arm around my shoulder, stretching his legs out in front of him.

"Maybe we should buy him some padding and a crash helmet," he says with a chuckle. "He certainly seems to have a knack for breaking bones."

I laugh. "I forgot about my frequent trips to the ER. It was practically a home away from home." I rest my hand on his thigh. "Thankfully, it wasn't ever anything too serious. He's just over exuberant in everything he does; he's less accident prone now that he's older."

Edward makes a show of inspecting my hair. "I'm surprised you don't have any grey hairs."

"They're in the post," I say, jabbing his ribs with my elbow.

The sun is warm on my skin, and leaning my head back on Edward's shoulder I let my eyes drift closed. The last week has been hectic. Despite his jet lag, Edward's energy levels have matched Jacob's. We've spent time at the beach, we've gone to a game with Phil and Renee, Jacob has given Edward a tour of all his favourite places – most of which are eating establishments – and we've taken Jacob and two of his friends to the cinema and bowling.

I smile at the memory of last night. Josh and Connor had a sleepover, but Edward had more fun than the boys. He spent the whole night indulging their every whim and, given that they are all quite boisterous, it made for a very noisy night in my little apartment which is not really suitable for all that running around. It was gone midnight before they finally settled down, and even then I doubt if they were asleep before one a.m.

Jacob has gone to bed late every night this week, and that has meant there has been little opportunity for Edward and I to be intimate. My fingers flex involuntarily on his thigh. I fear I'm full of enough pent-up sexual energy that it could fuel a rocket to the moon.

"I know," he whispers into my hair. I marvel at how he seems able to read my thoughts. "Tomorrow," he adds with a quick kiss to my head.

Jacob is going on a sleepover tomorrow, and I can hardly wait. Connor's mom has arranged to take the boys to the game, which means that the sleepover will start early afternoon. Edward has this crazy notion that we should go out on a date, when all I want to do is spend the entire day in bed.

"Is it time to go to Nana's? I'm hungry." Jacob's voice breaks me out of my reverie, and I snatch my hand away from Edward's thigh guiltily.

Jesus! We're in a public park and I'm practically fondling him.

I check my watch. "Yeah," I say as I stand up.

We walk back past the school and turn down onto the street that Renee lives on. The street is about a half mile long, and Edward suggests we take the route along the beach behind the houses rather than walking along the sidewalk.

We take our shoes off and Jacob runs on ahead while Edward and I walk hand in hand. The sand is hot beneath my feet but not uncomfortably so, since there is a strong breeze coming in from the sea.

"Jacob loves it here," Edward says, squeezing my hand. "It's great seeing him like this."

I turn to look at him while we walk. "He's always been like this," I say, confused.

He shakes his head slightly. "Don't get me wrong, he's always been an absolute joy, but it's different seeing him around his friends and everything that is familiar to him. He had so much fun last night, and today he's been glowing with pride while showing me all his haunts."

My smile is instant. "When we move to Seattle and you're with us all the time, he'll be the same. He'll make new friends at his new school and you can look forward to many more boisterous sleepovers." I shoot him a sidelong glance. "Don't think I didn't notice that you had more fun than the kids last night."

A glimmer of worry flashes over his expression. "Do you think I cramped their style?"

"Didn't you hear all that deafening laughter?" I say to reassure him. "Jacob was in his element, and I think he was really proud that his dad was so much fun."

We admire the houses as we stroll. The ones at this end of the beach are a lot larger than Renee's house. Most of them are at the high end of the market, and it tickles Renee that she lives in such a sought after area. Not least because her house was a rundown, dilapidated cottage when she and Phil bought it, and they've transformed it into a beautiful home that doesn't look out of place among the larger, more opulent ones.

It's a pleasant surprise when we reach the house to find that Renee has set the table outside for dinner and Phil fussing over the barbecue.

"I hope you're hungry," Phil hollers, waving his spatula when we step into the yard. He tips the rim of his baseball cap higher and wipes the back of his hand across his brow before handing Edward a beer. Phil is wearing long, baggy boarding shorts and a white vest which shows off the large tattoo on his bicep. As I watch them it strikes me that my mother and I are with men who are only two years apart in age.

I head into the house and find Jacob harassing Renee into letting him go for a swim. Turning to me, Renee lifts an enquiring eyebrow. "I'm sure I have a pair of his swim shorts upstairs; I suppose he could have a swim until the food is ready," she reasons.

I shrug my shoulders in a noncommittal gesture which Jacob takes as acquiescence and zooms upstairs before I can take it back.

"You look tired," Renee observes, kissing my cheek. "Too many late nights?" There's a suggestive glint in her eye.

"I'm fine. Do you need any help?" I ask, ignoring her lack of subtlety.

She winks at me before asking me to put together a salad. I sip on the too sweet lemonade she's poured for me while I peel and slice cucumbers, enjoying the familiarity of my mom's kitchen. Jacob rushes past us in his swim trunks as I'm pulling out a wooden salad bowl from the cupboard, and I hear the almighty splash of him jumping into the pool.

Renee is buzzing around looking for the little prongs that hold the corn. She starts to fuss when she can't find them, and when I remind her that she stuck them into the cork notice board above the fridge she unexpectedly bursts into tears.

I stand stunned as she wraps her arms around me and squeezes me impossibly tight. "I've missed you so much baby," she sobs. "And I can't..." Her voice catches as she cries into my shoulder.

I rub her back while tears prick my eyes. Edward is just a shimmer on the periphery of my vision when I hold my hand up to indicate that he doesn't need to intervene. I swipe away a rogue tear and focus on him more clearly; he looks concerned. I smile at him and mouth that we're okay.

Eventually Renee pulls back and swipes her fingers beneath her eyes. "I'm sorry, honey. It's just so good having you here and..." She takes a deep breath and forces a smile. "... listen to me going on. You're happy and that's what matters most."

A dichotomy of emotions churns in my stomach. I bitterly regret that my bad behaviour when I was a teen caused Renee so much heartache and led to me being shipped off to Forks, but on the other hand I can't regret the time I eventually spent with Charlie.

She cups my cheek in her palm and smiles sadly at me, understanding shining in her eyes. I know she can see my thoughts written in my expression. "You're a wonderful daughter... I couldn't wish for anything more."

She composes herself and gives me another hug before we take the salad and bread outside. I spot Edward sitting at the edge of the pool watching Jacob show off. Edward has rolled his trouser legs up and his feet are immersed in the water. His shirt is already soaked, but he doesn't seem to mind as he laughs and shouts encouragement to Jacob.

Phil announces that the meat is ready, and Jacob scrambles out of the pool and heads straight for the table, dripping water everywhere.

"Aren't you going to dry off?" I ask with amusement.

He lifts a napkin and dries only his hands before taking a giant bite of his burger. He grins at me while he chews, and I shake my head laughing.

As we eat, the sky darkens to a deep purple while the dying sun melts to coral on the horizon. Renee lights the patio heater and places some citronella candles on the table while we listen to Phil's funny stories about training and travelling with his team. Jacob sits curled into Renee's side while Edward pulls my leg over his knee beneath the table and throws his arm across my shoulder. Intermittently, he raises his hand and sifts his fingers through my hair, and every time he does it Renee's eyes meet mine and a smile lights up her face.

The evening wears on amid our raucous laughter, and Edward encourages Renee to reveal all the embarrassing secrets of my childhood. Jacob listens with rapt attention, especially to the revelations of my misbehaviour. I can't help but feel I'll pay for this somewhere down the line.

Renee stands abruptly and puts some music on. Edward nuzzles my hair as Phil and Renee dance slowly in the yard – lost in their own private bubble. Jacob lies curled up on the bench and I watch his eyes begin to drift closed before he snaps them back open.

Edward pulls me closer, wrapping his hand around my hip while he kisses my temple repeatedly. He asks me if I want to dance, but I decline with a gentle shake of my head. I'm happy to watch Renee and Phil act like teenagers on their prom while Edward and I just relax. Eventually though, Jacob begins to wriggle uncomfortably on the bench, and we realise it's time to go home.

Renee is overcome with emotion as she hugs us all at the door.

She stabs a finger playfully into Edward's chest. "You're taking my baby away," she accuses. "You better take care of her mister! Promise me you will."

Edward kisses her cheek. "I promise," he says with a chuckle.

She almost strangles me with her hug which prompts Phil to step in and peel her off me.

I offer to drive home so Edward can sit in the back with Jacob. At a stop light I glance back at them, and it warms my heart to see Jacob snuggling into Edward's side. I watch mesmerised by Edward's long fingers brushing through Jacob's hair until the sharp blast of a car horn alerts me to the fact that the lights have changed.

When we reach the apartment, Edward carries Jacob up the steps while I follow closely behind. Since Jacob is wearing a pair of old sweats that were left at Renee's I tell Edward just to put him straight into bed.

"Tonight was great," he says with a tired sigh, slipping into bed beside me when he's finished settling Jacob in. "Was everything okay with your mom?"

"She's just enjoying having me around and not looking forward to us leaving again," I explain. "But we'll visit as often as we can."

He wraps his arms around me, and his kiss draws forth a needy sigh from my lips. I instantly forget what we were talking about when his hands slide beneath my shirt and ghost over my nipples.

"I'm so horny," I confess, arching up to meet his palms.

He buries his face in my neck and laughs throatily. "Me too."

"Jacob won't hear us tonight," I insist. "He's exhausted."

My insides clench in anticipation when I find him looming over me.

In the morning I hear the toilet flush and leap out of bed to pull on a nightshirt before Jacob knocks on the door. I slide the lock open as quietly as I can and then scoot back into bed before greeting him. He bounds into the room and leaps onto the bed startling Edward awake.

"What time is Connor's mom picking me up?" he asks, wedging himself between us.

I ruffle his hair and check my watch. I'm surprised to see that it's almost ten o'clock. It seems the busy week has drained all of us more than I thought. "Thankfully, in about two hours," I say to Jacob, only half kidding.

He fakes a pout which makes me laugh.

"You know I love you but you have way too much energy in the morning," I tell him.

He scrambles over my lap and jumps off the bed. "I'm gonna bring you guys breakfast in bed," he announces.

Edward is still sleep rumpled, and his response makes Jacob and I laugh. "You cook alone?"

"No, silly," Jacob sniggers. "I'll bring some cereal and juice!"

He rushes out of the room and Edward leans over the edge of the bed, retrieves his boxers and puts them on. He gently squeezes my breast, kisses my temple and rearranges his pillows before sitting upright.

Jacob almost throws a tantrum when I suggest we eat at the coffee table in the living room. He's got his heart set on us having breakfast in bed and I find myself conceding, despite the fact that my eyes can't seem to stop following the trajectory of his spoon. The last thing I want is for my bed to end up smelling like sour milk.

Five minutes before he's due to be picked up Jacob is suddenly ultra-clingy with Edward. He's been like this every time either he goes out or Edward does. Edward went out on Thursday for a couple of hours, and Jacob was beside himself thinking he wasn't coming back. The talk we had with him yesterday morning has seemingly not reassured him.

"You'll still be here when I get back tomorrow, right?" he asks.

"Of course," Edward responds.

"What if you have to go to Europe again?" Jacob counters.

Edward smiles affectionately. "I don't have to go anywhere, Jacob, I'll be right here when you get home, we talked about this yesterday. I meant what I said... you're not getting rid of me."

This appeases Jacob a little, and when the horn sounds from outside he skips down the steps, only looking back when he gets to the bottom. We wave the car off before stepping back into the apartment. I whirl in surprise at the sound of the door slamming.

"Come here you!" Edward demands with a salacious grin.

I take off down the hallway towards my bedroom squealing like a child while his footsteps thunder behind me.

"Indulge me?" Edward insists.

I roll my eyes and sink my cheek into the pillow while I look at him. "I'd rather stay in tonight. Jacob isn't here. We should take advantage."

He grinds against my thigh. "We already did... several times," he reminds me. His gaze becomes tender. "I just want to take you out on a proper date. We rarely have the chance to do it. At least let me take you out to dinner."

Rolling onto my back, I lift my watch from the nightstand and glance at it. "It's nearly seven. Can't we just order pizza and stay in bed?"

His response is to drag me out of bed and walk me to the shower. "C'mon, getting out will do us good," he insists, guiding me beneath the spray.

Less than an hour later we pull into the parking lot behind Guilliano's. "I booked a table for eight." Edward informs me as he gets out of the car. He walks around to my side and frowns at me when I open the door and get out.

"What?" I ask, confused by his expression.

"I wanted to open the door for you," he says.

"Jesus, Edward, it's 2011... and I'm not the Queen of England."

Shaking his head at me, he takes my hand in his. "Is this too chivalrous for you?" he mocks lightly, swinging our hands between us.

He opens the restaurant door and a loud buzz of voices mixed with elegant music emanates from within. I've never been inside this restaurant, and it's classier than it looks from the outside. The lighting is subdued with glass-covered candles flickering on the tables. A statuesque blonde greets us at the podium.

"Do you have a reservation?" she asks, her eyes raking appreciatively over Edward while she ignores my presence entirely.

"Yes," Edward responds.

She somehow manages to drag her eyes off him and looks down at the reservation book.

I expect Edward to give his name, but he doesn't. Instead, he leans across the podium and points to the page. "That's us," he says.

With a flick of her wrist she scores her pen across the page and looks up again. When she speaks she's practically purring. "I'll show you to your table, Mr.–" she practically purrs.

"Edward," he says hastily, earning a frown from me.

"Jesus, could she be any more obvious," I grumble after she's seated us at our table. "And what's with asking her to call you Edward?"

"That's my name, isn't it?" Edward chuckles as he glances at his watch before picking up his menu.

"I'm glad being eye fucked by the waitress amuses you," I say sourly.

"Your jealousy amuses me," he points out. "Isn't that usually my department?"

I can't hide my smile as I start to relax. "I'm sorry, I just didn't like the way she was looking at you."

"Well I'm only looking at you. That's all you should care about," he says, looking pointedly at me. "I have no interest in any other woman but you Bella."

Suitably chastised, I drop the subject. I do trust him, but it's not easy witnessing beautiful women fawning over your man.

The waitress doesn't bother us for the rest of the meal. Our food is delicious, and I can't resist asking Edward if I can try a little of his monkfish. He flicks my fork away when I try to stab a piece and instead spears it with his own fork and raises it to my mouth.

His eyes burn as he slides his fork between my lips, and I squirm a little in my seat.

"Good?" he asks huskily.

"Very," I respond, licking my lips. When he mirrors this motion I swallow hard.

He cuts off another piece of the fish with the side of his fork and scoops it up to offer me more. Our surroundings recede into the background, and all I'm aware of is the way his lips pout softly as I let him feed me.

I'm busy planning on having something sticky for dessert when he glances at his watch for the third time in as many minutes and waves his hand at the waitress. The bubble bursts, and I frown when he asks for the bill.

"We're not having dessert?" I ask when he opens his wallet and starts counting out bills.

"Later," he says, still concentrating on the money.

The air is humid and muggy when we step outside. It's dark now, and the neon blue lights illuminating the bridge in the distance catch my eye.

"Let's drive to the beach and go for a walk," Edward suggests, taking my hand and leading me to the car.

"Let's not," I say. "I'm more interested in dessert. Maybe you could feed me in bed."

He slaps my butt playfully and opens the car door for me. "All in good time."

He parks the car at the end of Renee's street and gets out. This time I wait in the car to see if he'll open the door for me. I chuckle when he does. "Why here?" I ask.

He shrugs. "It's as good a spot as any. Come on." He holds his hand out and I take it, wondering if he has a sex on the beach fetish.

The beach looks beautiful at night. The moonlight reflects off the water and casts a soft white glow over the sand. Edward wraps his arm around me and I press myself to his side as we walk. The sound of the waves rolling and receding almost drowns out the muted voices drifting from yards and houses on the periphery of the beach.

Edward scans the houses as we pass.

"What are you thinking?" I ask, raising my chin to look at him.

"It must be wonderful having a view like this," he says, casting his gaze out over the water. "Listen to the sound of the sea. Wouldn't it be lovely sitting out on your back porch listening to that every night?"

Before I have the chance to respond he starts walking with more purpose, and I realise he's leading me towards one of the houses. "What are you doing?" I whisper harshly when he lifts the latch on a gate and tries to pull me into a stranger's back yard. I'm shocked that the gate is unlocked, and I dig my heels into the sand when he curls his hand around my wrist and pulls gently.

"It's okay," he says, motioning his head towards the house. "It's all in darkness. Nobody is home."

"Edward, this is trespassing."

"Don't be so melodramatic," he scolds, his lips curving up into a smirk. "I just want to see what it's like."

"See what what's like?" I ask, looking around frantically for any sign of life.

"Sitting out on the porch with you enjoying the evening."

I look up at the house. It has two stories and looks like it might be some sort of pastel color, but it's difficult to tell in the moonlight. The window frames are white as are the railings that surround the upstairs balconies. I stand frozen to the spot as Edward boldly marches across the paved yard and up the steps that lead to a large deck.

"Edward," I whisper hiss as he saunters past the patio doors and starts pulling back the cover from the porch swing.

Ignoring me, he pulls the cover back completely, sits down and pats the space beside him. Not for the first time tonight he says, "Indulge me."

With another quick glance around I scurry up the steps intent on pulling him away, but he's too fast for me. He grabs me and pulls me down onto his lap. "Shhh!" he says, kissing my lips lightly. "Let's just sit here for five minutes and enjoy the view."

"What's got into you?" I ask, still whispering in case there is someone in the house.

He doesn't answer me, and I start to wonder if he's gone a little bit crazy or if they slipped something into his soda back at the restaurant. He releases his hold on me a little, and I have no choice but to slide onto the seat beside him. His smile is almost beatific when he slips his arm around my shoulder and pushes his foot against the decking. When the seat begins to swing, I cringe at the loud creaking noise it makes.

We sit quietly for a few minutes, swinging in time with the rushing of water rolling over sand. The creaking dies down and, despite my misgivings, I can't fight the relaxation that washes over me. The warmth of Edward's body seeps into my skin, and I lay my head back on his shoulder while I admire the stunning view. Of course I've seen it many times from Renee's house, but something about being here with Edward makes it a hundred times more wondrous.

A long shrill creak pierces the air, and my heart leaps into my throat when it is followed by the unmistakeable clack of footsteps.

"Someone's coming!" I cry, leaping off the swing and almost tumbling directly down the steps in my haste. "Quick!"

I've only made it to the second step when a tall, light-haired woman, dressed in a white blouse and a dark pencil skirt, turns the corner. She smiles at Edward as she walks toward him. I watch in confusion as she tucks the binder she's carrying under her arm, before extending her hand to him. My mouth drops open when she speaks.

"I hope I haven't kept you waiting, Edward."

"You're right on time, Celeste. Thank you for doing this," Edward says smoothly, rising from the swing seat to greet her. He clasps her hand in both of his briefly. "I appreciate you agreeing to come at this hour on a Saturday night."

I stand rooted to the spot while they converse as if we're not trespassing on her property. My confusion starts to turn to curiosity. How could Edward possibly know this woman?

As if suddenly remembering that I'm present, Edward turns to me and gestures for me to come forward. "Bella, this is Celeste... she's the realtor selling this house. She's going to show us around."

"What?" is my less than eloquent response.

"Could you give us a few moments please, Celeste?" Edward says, before stepping towards me.

"Of course. Take your time," Celeste answers, unlocking the doors. She disappears inside and almost immediately the decking is illuminated by light streaming from the windows and doors.

I look up at Edward. "What's going on?"

"I wanted to surprise you," he says softly. "I don't want to keep Celeste waiting, so I'll explain it in more detail later... but I think we should stay in Florida." He cups my cheek in his palm. "You and Jacob are happy here. You have your mother here and Jacob has his friends–"

"Wait. You want to move out here? What about your job?" I ask.

"Let's go look at the house," he suggests, pulling me gently towards the door. "We can talk details later."

The house is stunning, but I can hardly concentrate on its beauty or any of what Celeste is telling us about it. My mind is whirling with the sudden change of plans. I have so many questions I want to ask him, but he seems blissfully happy as we roam around what is probably the most beautiful house I've ever been in.

The master bedroom seems to be bigger than my whole apartment, and Edward nudges me when Celeste swings a door open to reveal a large adjoining bathroom complete with a tub that could almost double as a swimming pool.

After we've perused all four bedrooms, three bathrooms and every closet on the upper floor, Celeste leads us back to the master bedroom. "I'll leave you to have a look around. I'll be right downstairs if you need anything. And please, take as much time as you need."

"What do you think?" Edward asks eagerly as soon as her footsteps recede on the stairs.

I stare at him blankly until the questions start to form in my mind. "When did you decide this? When did you _plan_ this?"

He stuffs his hands in his pockets and rocks back on his heels. "I've been thinking all week that it would be better for us to stay here. You and Jacob are different here; you're more relaxed – like you belong here. I saw the sign outside this place last week and contacted the realtor's office – just to enquire –but the more I thought about it the better the idea seemed. This house is perfect for us."

He takes my hand and leads me to the window. "Look outside. Can you imagine waking up to that view every morning?" He points down into the yard. "We could sit on that swing every night."

He doesn't give me any time to linger before guiding me out of the room and into another down the hall. "This could be Jacob's room," he says, stepping inside. He moves towards the small shower room Celeste showed us earlier. "He'll love having his own bathroom."

This brings a smile to my lips, but again, Edward grabs my hand and strides down the hallway. "This," he says, opening yet another door. "Could be my office."

"Office? Slow down," I beg, struggling to keep up with both his movements and his words.

"I have so many plans," he says, brimming with excitement. "There's so much we need to discuss. Let's start with the house. Do you want us to buy it?"

"I don't know what to say... of course, I want to stay here in Jacksonville, but isn't this place a bit too big? I can't imagine myself living in a house like this."

He pulls me into his arms. "It's beautiful, Bella. You deserve to have the best. We'll be happy here. Imagine Jacob being able to go to the beach all the time... and it's only a short run along the sand to his Nana's house. Say yes, Bella."

In the past I might have worried about moving too fast, but over the last six months I've realised that life is too short. This feels right. I want to spend the rest of my life with him... I want everything he just described.

Happy tears prick my eyes as an epiphany strikes. "On one condition," I say, feeling nervous energy coil in my belly.

"Anything," he says, his lips curving up into a beautiful smile.

"I know we're already a family, but I want it to be official," I say, stumbling a little over my words. "I want it all to be... real. Permanent." I look up into his eyes. "I think we should get married."

His smile vanishes, and my heart lurches in my chest. It never occurred to me that he might not want to get married again.

"I'm sorry," I mumble, the mood ruined. "I thought you'd–"

The pressure of his thumb against my lips stops me from completing my sentence, and when I muster the courage to look up at his face, his eyes are glittering. "This is the Bella I remember," he says approvingly. "Impulsive, passionate, and utterly impatient." He presses his forehead to mine. "So you think we _should_ get married?" he asks with a challenging quirk of his eyebrow. "Or do you _want_ to marry me?"

My head dips. How could I ruin such a lovely moment that he has clearly been planning with my crass suggestion of marriage? Of course I _want_ to marry him, but his question underlines the banality of my words.

"I want to marry you," I insist.

"And this is your idea of a proposal?" His words might have seemed harsh if they had not been accompanied by the tender amusement reflected in his eyes.

Hope bubbles in my chest as I decide to play along. "Give me a minute to get down on one knee." To my surprise he steps back and gestures that I should do so. Maintaining eye contact I drop to the floor, half expecting him to stop me.

"Do you have a ring?" he asks, his tone teasing.

"Men don't wear engagement rings," I point out.

I'm about to ask him when he abruptly pulls me to my feet and kisses the tip of my nose. "May I take over?"

I stare at him while he arches his eyebrows in question. I blink a few times in surprise from the sudden intensity in his eyes. His mood has shifted, and he's suddenly a man on a mission. "Sure," I say, utterly bemused.

He takes my hands in his and leans into me, pressing me back against the wall. "It took me too long to understand my feelings for you, Bella, but I do now. I need you. I've been so lonely without you, and wherever you are is where I need to be. So it doesn't matter _where_ we live," he whispers. "Because _you_ are my home. I love you so much..." His fingers seem to be twisting around mine, pulling and separating until I feel something cool and hard slide into place. "Stay with me forever... be mine," he whispers as he raises my hand to reveal a glittering diamond adorning the third finger of my left hand. "Marry me, Bella."

His words melt my heart and my whole body starts to shake with emotion as a sob chokes in my throat. I nod my head, unable to speak.

He has me in a vice grip, but his touch is still tender. "Say it!" he urges.

"Yes!" I cry, as tears of joy start to spill down my cheeks.

He lifts me up and spins me around, and I cling onto him, burying my face in his neck.

"I love you," I say on a long shuddering breath. He holds me close to his chest, rubbing the bare skin on my shoulders. After a few moments, he gently raises my chin and covers my lips with his. I taste the salty tang of my own tears on his lips.

Eventually I pull back and look at the ring again. "You were going to propose?" I ask, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

"Yeah. You're impatience sort of sidetracked it." He chuckles.

My face flames. "I'm so sorry... it just came to me that I want to marry you."

This seems to please him. "Well before you steal any more of my thunder, I think it's important that I tell you everything I was planning on telling you before I proposed."

"Shouldn't we finish up with Celeste first, she'll be keen to get us out of here so she can go home," I ask as he leads me back down the hallway.

"Are you kidding?" He laughs. "She'll make a very large commission on this place. I'm pretty sure she'd stay here all night just to get the sale." He points to the doors. "Okay, so we've established that this will be Jacob's room. And this," he says, moving his finger, "will be my office, if I want to work from home." I open my mouth to speak, but he doesn't let me. "Shh, I'm not finished."

He pushes open the door next to the office. His demeanor changes, and for the first time he looks a little hesitant. "This could be a nursery," he says softly, watching me closely for my reaction.

His eyes are unwavering as I stare back at him. Closing the short distance between us he takes my hands in his. "I don't want to pressure you, but I have to be honest with you and tell you that I want us to have another baby. I want us... you, me and Jacob to share in it this time. I've been thinking about it a lot... and you don't have to give up your dreams this time. I'm quitting my job with Emmett–"

"What?" I gasp.

"Hear me out... please," he pleads. "I worked hard through med school to become a doctor, and I worked hard with Emmett to build a successful business – but while there was a certain amount of satisfaction and personal pride an attaining those things – I was never fulfilled. Being with you and being a father has fulfilled me in ways I never expected. I want to be around to raise our children with you. You can still go to college because I'll be here sharing it with you. I'm going to be a hands-on father, Bella. I want to take Jacob to school and be here when he gets home. If we have another baby I can take care of it while you're in school..." His voice trails off, and he looks at me hopefully.

"You want to be a stay-at-home dad?"

"Yes. I want to be here taking care of my family."

"But you said you wanted that room to be your office?"

"If I want to work, I can do consultancy work for Emmett from home." He brushes his knuckles down my cheek. "You don't have to answer me right away. I just wanted to tell you that this is what I want, but I know we both have to want it, or it wouldn't fair."

Letting go of his hands, I clasp my fingers around the back of his neck and pull him down. I kiss him with all the passion I can muster before releasing him and gazing up into his face. "I love you. I want to marry you and live here with you," I tell him. "And I do want to have more children with you, but this is a lot to process."

He exhales deeply, seemingly relieved. "We have plenty of time to talk about this," he agrees. He hugs me tightly and whispers in my ear. "We have a wedding to plan first."

My heart feels fit to burst with happiness.

As we leave the room, I look at the house with renewed interest. Suddenly the colour of the walls, the flooring and the fixtures seem more important. Celeste hops off the barstool in the kitchen when she sees our approach.

Edward strides towards her happily. "We'll come into the office on Monday and make our offer."

Celeste clasps her hands together and grins at us. "I'm so glad you like it," she says sincerely.

We thank her for agreeing to come here tonight and then hurry back to the car. "Do you want to go tell your mom?" he asks, starting the engine.

"No," I say. "I want us to tell Jacob first. He'll want to be there when we tell Renee and Phil."

"Of course," he agrees.

On the drive home I admire the ring on my finger and struggle to comprehend what happened tonight. The ring spins freely, and though I know that I will have to get it resized, the symbolism of it keeps the grin on my face all the way home.

"I can't believe you were planning to propose," I say, and my voice sounds breathy with emotion. "When did you buy the ring?"

"I bought it in Paris," he says, sliding his hand across the seat and onto my thigh. "The time apart made me realise that I never want to be away from you again. I want to be bound to you in every possible way."

I turn my head to stare at him. His eyes stay trained on the road, and I let my eyes roam over his handsome features. I take in the few flecks of grey at his temples, his impossibly long eyelashes, the strong sharp jut of his jaw, and my insides quiver when my gaze falls on his soft full lips. Everything about him is perfect for me, both inside and out.

His eyes cut to mine briefly. "What are you staring at?" he asks lightly.

"My future husband," I say with a smirk.

His hand captures mine, and he presses his smiling lips to my fingers before lowering our hands and leaving them resting on his thigh.

We practically run up the stairs to the apartment, and as soon as the door closes behind us we're a tangle of limbs and locked lips as we stumble towards my bedroom. The door crashes against the wall – he pushes it open so forcefully – and then my feet are off the ground as he lifts me before lowering me onto the bed.

His knees force my legs apart, and he settles between them. "Would you like your dessert now?" he asks with a playful smirk.

"Yes please!" I gasp as he grinds his erection into me forcefully.

The pent-up sexual tension that we've hardly been able to sate all week explodes into life. The air is electric around us as we pull each other's clothes off. I attack every inch of bare skin I expose with my lips and teeth and revel in the feel of his strong hands gripping my hair tightly. His groan is so loud it's almost a roar when my lips slide over his engorged length.

The freedom of not having to worry about being heard is exhilarating, and I make as much noise as possible as I suck his orgasm from him. He flops back onto the bed and pulls me gently up his body.

"Fuck, Bella!" he pants, struggling to catch his breath. His eyes are still fiery and filled with passion when he cradles my chin in his hand and plants a scorching kiss on my mouth. He leans back against the pillows and pulls me into his arms so that my upper body is positioned across his chest. I rub my fingers over his soft chest hairs before resting my chin on the back of my hand. The heavy thump of his heart drums against my fingers.

"I'm sorry I ruined the proposal," I say. "When were you going to do it?"

"You didn't ruin it." He smiles at me tenderly. "I was hoping you would agree to buying the house, so I could do it right after."

"What if I didn't want the house?"

"Then I would've waited till we found one you did want."

"It was beautiful," I say with a wistful sigh.

"It is a beautiful house." He smiles.

"That too, but I was referring to what you said. When you said I was your home... that means so much to me. I can't wait to be your wife."

Raw emotion burns in his eyes when I say the words. "You've made me so happy by saying yes," he tells me, his voice thick and low. "I can't imagine living without you now. Nothing in my life has made me feel the way you do. Nothing compares to the feelings I have when I'm with you. I never knew it was possible to be this happy and content – and sometimes I feel like I don't deserve it –but I want to be a better man for you Bella. For you and Jacob."

"You're perfect just the way you are," I insist.

"I want to put it all behind me. I don't want to be Edward Cullen anymore," he says. "He was weak and selfish, and I don't want you to be the second Mrs. Edward Cullen..." He pauses, looking a little worried by that admission. "I changed my name back to Masen. All of this is new to me. I've never felt this way about anybody but you and I don't want you to be my second wife, I want you to be the first and only Mrs. Edward Masen."

I am stunned by his heartfelt admission, but he doesn't wait for me to respond. His arms envelop me as he rolls me onto my back, his lips covering mine. His kiss is firm and strong and filled with need as his tongue slides between my parted lips.

His fingers delve into my hair, his thumbs massaging my temples as the kiss deepens. My whole body hums from the pleasure of his skin pressed against mine. His head rises, breaking the kiss, and my heart swells when I watch his pupils dilate with desire. His eyes blaze with need, and my heart starts to pound as loudly as his.

His breath is warm and sweet when it huffs through his parted lips, fanning across my face. "I love you," he promises.

"Make love to me," I respond, trailing my fingers down the firm expanse of muscles on his back, feeling them undulate as he moves over me.

My legs part willingly, and the sensation of him hardening against my thigh sends a current of bliss rushing through my body. His muscles bunch beneath my hands when he stoops to capture my nipple with his lips and my fingers bite deeper into his flesh in my attempts to pull him closer still. Delight erupts in a loud whimper from my throat when he sucks my aching bud into his mouth, laving it roughly with his tongue. The soft sucking noise of his mouth on my skin arouses me further. I need his kiss. My fingers slide up into his silky hair, gripping it lightly to lift his face to mine.

His lips are hot and wet and slightly swollen and he exhales into my mouth when my hand reaches down to cup his firm buttock. When his tongue presses between my lips, I stroke it with my own, enjoying the familiar taste of him that I can never get enough of. My hips jut upwards of their own volition, telling him silently that I need him inside me.

He breaks the kiss and gazes deep into my eyes. I feel him nudging at my entrance. He pauses briefly, asking me a question without words. I tip my chin slightly in acquiescence. His eyes flicker with an emotion that is somewhere between pleasure and gratitude, before his head drops to my neck and his hips push slowly forward.

In the quiet of the apartment I can only hear the soft panting he emits into my ear. Long, slow stroking – no one can make me feel the way he does. No one ever will. I grip him and no matter how close he's pressed into me it isn't enough. He lifts me to him as though he can't get close enough either. Heat and pressure and the stirrings of pleasure to come radiates through me – consuming me.

His pace is slow but strong and sure. He rises, leaning on his elbows and I lift my head to his chest. The salty tang of his sweat greets my tongue when I taste him. His musky scent fills my nostrils, and I glory in the pure pleasure of him filling up every one of my senses.

He asks me to look at him, and I do. His face is beautiful, flushed from his exertions and glowing with a heady mixture of love and lust. His lips drop to mine delivering another potent kiss. I reciprocate willingly while my hips start to undulate in time with his. His words from earlier play in my mind, deepening the connection I'm now feeling.

This is more than physical gratification... so much more.

My pulse kicks up a notch as my body starts to crave release. His breath washes over my face in short sharp puffs as his pace quickens. His hand cups my face, holding it in place while his eyes penetrate mine. He gazes at me as if he can see into my soul. "I love you so much, baby," he pants, his face contorting with pleasure. "Can you feel it?"

"Yes," I rasp, emotion constricting my throat. Everything is heightened: his intoxicating scent surrounding me, the tangy taste of his skin on my tongue, the feel of his heart pounding in time with my own, and most of all the love I can see in his eyes and hear in his voice.

Desperate to be closer still, I raise my legs and wrap them around his waist. Desire ripples through me when his pubic bone starts to rub against me – heightening my pleasure.

"Come inside me," I gasp.

His eyes are filled with emotion, and I pull his head down into the crook of my neck. I call out in pleasure when he clamps his mouth to my shoulder, scraping my skin with his teeth. His muscles flex and bunch beneath my eager fingers as he pushes us both to completion, and the loud groan that heralds his orgasm sounds like music as it tips me over the edge towards my own.

Tiny aftershocks send tremors rippling through my muscles as he continues to stroke languidly, bringing me down from my high. We lie with arms wrapped around each other, still breathing heavily. His lips flutter over my collarbone while I smooth my fingers through his sweat-soaked hair. He kisses a path up to my lips and then nibbles my lip gently.

His forehead rests on mine. His breathing is still a little laboured. "I know it's a little like acting after the horse has bolted, but are you sure it was okay?"

I know instantly what he's referring to. "I want it all: Marriage, more babies," I cup his cheek. "A full life."

"I didn't want to rush you," he says.

"I want this," I insist. "I want to live in the moment, do everything we want now. What's the point in waiting when we both know this is what we want? And besides, who knows how long it will take us to conceive... we're not getting any younger." I try to inject some humour into my tone on the last part.

"What if it happens right away?" he asks, still seemingly concerned that he's pushing too hard.

"Then it's meant to be... and I'll be delighted."

He rolls off me, and I snuggle into his side. His hand caresses my hip, and I press a kiss to his shoulder.

"When did you change your name?" I ask eventually.

"It was finalised a few weeks ago."

"Doesn't it take forever to do that?"

He chuckles softly. "Not if you know the right palms to grease."

"What made you decide to do it?" I can't resist asking.

His fingers tighten on my skin. "I meant what I said. I've never been comfortable as Edward Cullen... I know it's only a name... but I really believe that I'm a different man now. I don't want to bear Carlisle's name and I don't want you to be sullied by it either. I'm sorry if indirectly referring to Irina bothered you, but I need you to know that this is so much more. _You_ are so much more than she ever was. You and I are equals, and I love you more than I ever thought I was capable of."

I touch his face, sweeping my thumb over his lips. "I know," I whisper. "I can feel it."

His smile lights up his whole face and instantly the mood is lifted.

"Just one thing though," I say, and he quirks his eyebrow at me. "Wasn't your mother the first Mrs. Edward Masen?" I ask, tongue firmly in cheek.

He tickles my ribs. "Ever the pedant."

* * *

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	36. Chapter 36

"No peeking!" Edward demands while covering Jacob's eyes with his hands.

Jacob pouts a little, and his grip on my hand tightens as I lead him along the beach. "What if I fall?" he grumbles.

"I've got you," I say, lifting his other hand as I walk backwards.

I let go briefly to open the gate and then lead him into the back yard. I look up at Edward and nod. A wide grin splits his face as he lifts his hands away allowing Jacob to see.

Jacob blinks like an owl as his eyes scan the yard. "Where are we?" he asks, his brows knitting in confusion.

"We're home!" Edward practically yells.

I stifle my snigger because at this precise moment, Edward looks like a big kid while Jacob looks like a little man with that serious expression he's wearing.

Edward steps around him and turns to face Jacob. "This is where we're going to live," he explains.

"What about Seattle?" Jacob asks. "What about your house?"

There's a tiny flicker of hesitance on Edward's face, but I don't step in – I know the penny will drop for Jacob in a few moments.

"I like it better here," Edward tells him. "I thought you did too."

Jacob looks around again. His eyes take in everything around him; he raises his hand and shields his eyes from the sun as he looks up at the balconies. Eventually his lips curve into a smile. "This is our house?"

"Let's take a look inside," Edward suggests, grabbing Jacob's hand and ushering him towards the door.

Edward leads us around the house at breakneck speed which is matched by the velocity at which Jacob fires questions at us. He's so giddy with excitement when Edward shows him the adjoining bathroom in his own room that he promptly steps into the shower and turns it on, soaking himself in the process.

"Jacob!" I lament. "What did you do that for?"

He leaps out of the stall with a yelp. "It's cold!"

Edward roars with laughter while he leans into the stall to switch the water off.

"I didn't mean it," Jacob whines, pushing his wet hair back away from his eyes. "I was just excited... I didn't know it would work."

I brush some of the water off his clothes and look around in vain for a towel. Of course there is none to be had since we haven't moved in yet.

"So we're really going to live here?" Jacob asks, ignoring his wet clothes and running his hand along the sink. "And this is my own bathroom?"

"Yes," Edward says proudly. "Do you like it?"

Jacob looks up with a grin. "Are you kidding? I love it! Wait till I tell Connor and Josh." His eyes light up. "I can go back to my own school! We can have sleepovers all the time." He turns to me. "Can I have a TV in my room? We can put it on the wall... like the one at Dad's place. Will we be bringing that stuff here? Have you told Nana? Can I tell her?"

I can barely get the words out for laughing. "Slow down, Jacob." But he's in the zone.

"Oh my God! I can go to the beach every day... like I used to. This is so great," he adds, launching himself at us. He spreads his arms wide, pulling us close together, and buries his face between us. Edward beams down at him, rubbing his damp hair. Jacob looks up. "I liked Seattle, but I like it here more."

Edward nods. "I knew that as soon as I got here."

Releasing his grip on us, Jacob darts out of the bathroom into his bedroom. "When can we move in?"

"In a couple of weeks," I tell him. "Jacob?" He turns to look at me. "We have some other news for you too." He stares at me expectantly while I slide my hand into Edward's. "We're getting married."

There's a brief pause while the words register and then he rushes towards us again. It's such a relief to tell him. Edward has been champing at the bit for the last three weeks, desperate to spread the news, but I wanted to wait till the house sale went through and we could bring him here to tell him. It meant so much to me that Edward chose this setting to ask me, and I knew it would seem more real to Jacob if he was actually here when we shared the news with him.

While we're showing Jacob the rest of the house I notice that he has started to pull at his damp clothes. I suggest taking him home to change, and Edward decides to stay behind to take some measurements. It's not till we are in the car headed for home that I realise there is something bothering Jacob.

"You okay?" I ask.

He nods.

"You seem a little... subdued."

"What does that mean?" he asks, not looking at me.

"Quiet. You were so excited a little while ago."

"It's nothing."

I can tell he's hiding something from me. I try to think back to what we've been talking about over the last half-hour but nothing springs to mind.

I drop it till we get back to the house. He trudges off to his room to change, and his whole solemn demeanor perplexes me.

After fifteen minutes, I can't stand it any longer and go to his room. My heart lurches when I see him sitting on the floor with his back to the wall and his knees drawn up to his chest. I sit down beside him.

"What's wrong?" I ask gently. He glances up, and I try to smile encouragingly. "You can tell me."

"Are you going to have a baby?" It's almost a whisper, but the jealous undertone is clear. "I heard Dad whispering to you about a nursery."

He picks at a nonexistent thread on his shorts, refusing to look at me. I take his hand in mine and rub his palm with my thumb. "Don't you want a little brother or sister?"

His frown deepens, and he slides his hand out of mine before glancing accusingly at my stomach. "Do you have a baby in there right now?"

"No," I say with a sigh. "Not yet."

"So you haven't done it yet?"

Jacob has always been brutally honest about everything that goes through his head and has never flinched from asking awkward questions. Like the time he found my tampons in the bathroom cabinet and I had to deflect a barrage of questions about where they go and what they do when they get there. He's never asked about sex before, and given that he's only ten years old, I'd hoped it would be a couple more years before the subject came up.

"Done what?" I ask, stupidly trying to embarrass him out of pursuing the subject.

To my mortification, he makes a circle with his index finger and thumb and pokes his other index finger through it.

"Jacob!" I shriek. "Who showed you that?"

His cheeks flush crimson, and he drops his hands instantly. "The guys at school do it all the time."

I'm instantly assailed by a vision of schoolboys teasing each other with that gesture in the playground. I stare at Jacob, lost for words. There's no way I want to become embroiled in a discussion about the mechanics of sex with a ten-year-old.

"Okay, let's forget about that," I say, clearing my throat. "Why–"

"I know how it works," Jacob says, unperturbed. "Josh and me saw two dogs doing it on the beach." His nose wrinkles up. "Is that how you got me? It was gross."

I cover the bottom half of my face with my palm and take a few calming breaths. "When you're a little bit older, your dad can explain things to you... but for now, all you need to know is that it's different between a man and a woman than it is between dogs."

"Okay, so are we done talking now?"

It's then that it hits me that the sneaky little devil has been doing some deflecting of his own. How clever! My eyes narrow. How devious!

"Not so fast," I say, gripping his arm as he tries to stand up. "Sit down. We're not done talking."

Finally he looks at me.

"So, why don't you want me to have a baby?" I ask gently.

He shakes his head sadly. "I like it just being me, you and Dad... I thought you did too."

I know he's referring to both Edward and me when he says that. I take his hand again, and this time he lets me comfort him. "We're a family now Jacob. Me, you and Dad, and when we have another baby, he or she will join our family." His expression remains unchanged. Crooking my finger under his chin, I tilt his face up till his eyes meet mine. "You're still my baby too."

His eyes close briefly in annoyance. "It's different for Dad."

I pull him into my arms and bury my face in his soft hair. He presses his face into my chest when he winds his arms around me.

"He won't love me anymore when there's a baby to love," he croaks, close to tears.

"That's not true," I protest, fighting against the lump in my throat. "I know he wasn't around when you were a baby... but you're his boy, he'll always love you." Pulling back, I hold his shoulders and stare into his shimmering eyes. "You're the best thing that ever happened to him, Jacob, and it wasn't your fault that he wasn't around." I swallow hard in an effort to keep my voice level. "But he's here now and he loves you just as much as any dad loves his son. Remember we told you that he's not going back to work?"

He nods, wiping at his eye to prevent a tear from falling.

"He's doing that because he wants to stay home and spend as much time as he can with you," I tell him. "That's how much he loves you."

"I didn't mean to spoil today," he says quietly.

I clutch his face in my hands and kiss his cheeks while brushing his tears away with my thumbs. "You didn't spoil anything, Jacob. There's been a lot of changes in your life recently, it's normal that you'd feel a little unsure about some of it."

"I do like the house," he says.

"And what about me and your dad getting married? Do you like that too?"

At last he smiles. "Yes."

'You know you can talk to your dad about this stuff too,' I tell him. 'It's not just me and you anymore, Jacob, Dad's here for you too.'

Later, when we're driving back to meet Edward, Jacob makes a deal with me: I can tell Renee about the wedding and he gets to tell her about the house.

Staring out into the dark, moonless night, I've lost track of how long I've been standing by the bedroom window. Long after I came to bed I gave up on the notion of sleep. Edward complained that he couldn't sleep without me, and I'm wondering if I've caught that same affliction. How strange that after spending all of my life sleeping alone, I have become accustomed so quickly to having Edward beside me.

The first chink of light slices the darkness, a muted pink slash that separates land from sky and shimmers over the water. I watch transfixed as the day is born. The day I will become Edward's and he will become mine. The dawn washes the sand with pink hues, enticing me to go outside and smell the clean morning air.

I walk slowly down to the water's edge enjoying the fresh, salty breeze on my bare arms and feet. The rhythmic surge of the tide is soothing, and I wiggle my toes as the water bubbles over my feet. Turning back to look towards Renee's house, my eyes drift along the beach towards our house instead. I briefly wonder if Edward is looking out at the dawn too. The reality that we will be living here, that we can enjoy many glorious mornings like this to come, causes a surge of pure joy to erupt in my chest. I sag down onto the sand, hugging my knees to my chest, and let the pleasure of it wash over me.

For the past few weeks I've felt like someone hit the fast-forward button on my life. Everything seems to have slotted into place without too much effort at all. Even the wedding arrangements have gone smoothly, but then it isn't difficult to arrange such a small wedding. I don't want a lavish affair. It's the ceremony itself that means most to me, and I only want family there.

"Hey."

I startle at his soft greeting.

I turn to see Edward striding towards me, smiling. He's wearing a snug white t-shirt and dark shorts that show off his toned arms and muscular legs. The sprinkling of hair peeking out above the V-neck collar makes my fingers itch to touch it, and my tongue instantly longs to trail along the dark shadow of stubble covering his jaw.

It's been a week since we made love, and my body craves him so badly that just the sight of the muscles moving in his strong thighs as he walks towards me arouses me as if he's standing before me naked. We've been so busy with all the plans and moving into the house there hasn't been a moment to be alone, and at night we've been too exhausted or Jacob has been too demanding of attention for us to find private moment.

I can't help but smile at the memory of Jacob slipping into bed beside us on our first night in the new house. He was so keen to be involved – to share every moment of it with us – that he didn't want to sleep in his own room alone. The moment he felt Jacob's weight on the mattress, Edward instantly threw back the covers and invited him to climb in between us.

"Isn't it bad luck to see the bride before the wedding?" I ask, refocusing on the moment when Edward drops down beside me.

He traces his finger lightly along the neckline of my top, tickling my skin. "Unless you're planning to get married in this, I think we're quite safe," he says with a wink. His hooded eyes scan my face as his finger trails lower and circles my pebbled nipple through the thin cotton.

A small sigh escapes me, making him chuckle. He withdraws his hand and cups my head before kissing my cheek. "I love those little noises you make when you enjoy my touch," he murmurs against my cool skin. He pulls back slightly with a sigh. "But it wouldn't do to consummate the marriage _before_ the ceremony."

"That's not even possible," I point out. "We have to have the ceremony first, otherwise there's no marriage to consummate."

"Can't you just let me have my little fantasies?" he teases, nuzzling my neck.

I groan loudly when his lips slide up to my mouth, and his fingers delve into my hair, tilting my head to just the right angle. His tongue tastes faintly of coffee, and I breathe in heavily through my nose to inhale every bit of him that I can.

"I wonder if it will ever stop," I say with a contented sigh, melting into his embrace.

He quirks an eyebrow in question.

"The intense need I have for you. I want you all the time." Somewhere inside there is a voice telling me I'm babbling, but I can't seem to help it. "When we were together before it was always special, but now it's reached a whole new level. I want you in every way. I want you to make love to me tenderly." My voice lowers a little. "I want you to fuck me hard and I want every other way in between."

His eyes flash with arousal.

"And it's not just the sex. It's _everything_..." I shrug, embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I'm rambling. It must be lack of sleep."

Pulling me closer, he kisses me thoroughly before pulling back and gazing into my eyes. "You're not rambling... you're articulating everything I've been feeling myself."

"I love you so much," I whisper, pressing my lips to his palm when he caresses my cheek. "I can't believe we've made it back."

"I love you too, baby," he says, wrapping his arms around me. "And I don't think any of it will ever stop."

He shifts so that he's sitting behind me, and I settle between his legs. I lean my back against his chest, and my head rests on his shoulder. I feel myself slowly drifting and could easily fall asleep in his arms. I don't get the chance though, because he tilts my head back and covers my mouth with his.

"Couldn't you sleep?" he asks when he's done kissing me into oblivion. I only manage to shake my head in response.

"From tonight onwards, I never want to spend a night apart from you," he says.

"It's so strange," I muse. "I've spent all of my life sleeping alone, and yet a few short months with you and I can't do it anymore."

His arms tighten around me, and he kisses the top of my head.

"What time is your family arriving?" I ask, my thoughts turning to the day ahead.

"I'm expecting them around ten."

"Is Esme coming?" I ask tentatively.

His hands brush my arms. "Yes."

He sounds pained and pleased at the same time. Esme has been living in his apartment for the past month, and I know he still feels guilty about what's happened between her and Carlisle. I've only managed to glean a little bit of information from Rose. From what I've gathered, Carlisle has been begging Esme to go back to him... but he refuses to talk about Edward so she won't.

"I'm glad she came," I say, meaning it. "I'm looking forward to seeing them all this afternoon."

My mind starts to wander to the day ahead. "I should get back," I say ruefully and feel his nod.

"I'll meet you at two," he says, getting to his feet. He holds his hand out and helps me to mine, pulling me into his arms.

His hug is fierce, and I return it with all my strength. "I'll be there," I whisper before we part. I watch him walk back along the beach and smile every time he looks over his shoulder at me. He gives me a final wave before I head back into Renee's house.

I slide back into bed and roll onto my side not expecting to sleep. It feels like I've only just closed my eyes when Renee shimmies into the room and informs me that it's eight a.m.

"Time to get up sleepy head," she chimes. "I thought you'd be awake hours ago."

I roll onto my back and stretch, not bothering to tell her that I was. The bed shakes when she throws herself down beside me. "Phil's making breakfast. You should eat as much as you can, we won't be eating again till after the ceremony."

"I don't need to be up this early," I grouse, checking my watch, even though she already told me the time. It's actually only ten minutes to eight.

Phil and I manage to keep Renee's exuberance at bay for a few hours. Breakfast is leisurely and she even leaves me alone to have a long soak in the bath. I hear voices downstairs when I'm exiting the bathroom, and tightening my robe around my waist I go downstairs to investigate.

Alice, Rosalie and Esme are sitting in the kitchen with Renee.

"Bella!" Rosalie spots me first.

All three of them rise as one and I hug them all and thank them for coming.

"How was your journey?" I ask, unable to take my eyes off Esme who looks pale and thinner than I've ever seen her.

"Never mind that!" Rosalie snorts. "We came to help you get ready. Alice has brought her make-up kit – not that we don't think you have any make-up– it's just, she has all the good stuff, you know?" she adds with a smile.

"Actually, Mom and I are going to help fix up the yard," Alice says. "Your house is beautiful by the way."

I glance at the clock. "We have time for coffee first."

Renee and I make the coffee and join the other three at the table.

"I'm so glad you could all come," I say, cringing slightly at my use of the word "_all"_ considering Carlisle isn't here.

After coffee, Esme goes back to the house while Rosalie and Alice follow me upstairs to help with my hair and make-up. Almost as soon as we are in the room Rosalie announces she's forgotten her curling iron and leaves Alice and I alone. I'm not fooled, but I'm not unhappy about it either.

"If you'd prefer to get ready by yourself, I don't mind," Alice says, offering me a get-out clause. "I know how pushy Rosalie can be."

I shake my head. "No. I'd appreciate the help."

She steps forward and lifts the brush from the vanity and makes a start on untangling my hair. "So you're going to live in London," I say.

She smiles. "Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it." At first her eyes are bright and her smile sincere, but then it falters. "I'm trying to convince Mom to come with us for a little while. I don't like the thought of her staying in Edward's apartment alone."

"Alice, I'm really sorry–"

"It's not your fault, Bella." She rests her hip on the vanity and faces me. "I think my mom is just re-evaluating her life and trying to figure out where to go from here."

I see the sadness in her face. "What about your dad?"

"He's not exactly covering himself in glory," she says. "He's still blaming Edward for everything."

"And me?"

She nods. "I love my dad, but right now I'm finding it very hard to like him."

"I wish things could be different."

She kneels beside my chair and takes my hand. "Today is your wedding day. We shouldn't be talking about this." She smiles up at me. "I've never seen Edward this happy before... and Jacob is so adorable." Tears start to form in her eyes.

I cover her hand with mine and open my mouth to speak.

"Don't say it," she warns, her eyes swimming. "Just think about what's going to happen today and smile."

"Time to hug it out ladies!"

Rosalie's voice startles us, but Alice doesn't need to be asked twice and rises to wrap her arms around me. There's a pop of a champagne cork and then we laugh when Rosalie curses as some of the champagne spills on the carpet.

She pours three glasses and sets them on the vanity.

When Renee joins us I hand her one of the glasses. All three of them fuss around me and I find myself enjoying being pampered. Eventually Rosalie and Alice leave, and I somehow manage to convince Renee to go off and get herself ready while I get into my dress.

Just before two p.m. she enters my room and promptly starts bawling when she sees me.

"You look beautiful," she says through a shuddering breath. She comes up behind me and stares at my reflection in the mirror.

Given the location of our wedding I chose a simple, sleeveless ivory satin gown. It is form fitting over my hips, but the material is soft and drapes fluidly to the floor to allow me to move freely. The neckline is not too low, and the only detail on the dress is the small pattern of crystals that shimmers below the bust line. The thirty-seven tiny buttons down the back of the dress are also crystal, and it takes Renee a little while to do up the ones I couldn't reach.

When she's done with the buttons, she twists my curls and secures them to the side of my head with a hair clip that is made of the same lavender, ivory and pink avalanche rosebuds as my bouquet. I turn back to the mirror, satisfied with the simple elegance that is reflected back at me.

I turn to the dresser and open the small box I left there last night. A lump rises in my throat as I trace the thin gold chain all the way to the gold wedding band looped around it. I turn to Renee and hold it out to her. "Will you put this on for me?" I ask.

She holds out her hands and takes both ends of the chain in her fingers before draping it around my neck and fastening it. She turns me gently and lifts the ring to examine it.

"It's the only thing I have of his that I can wear," I explain, my voice sounding a little thick.

I found Charlie's wedding ring in a box in his nightstand when I was clearing his room. I knew from our talks before he died that he never truly stopped loving Renee, and for that reason I decided to wear the symbol of his true love on the day I marry mine.

She manages a wry smile. "He was a good man. We just weren't right for each other," she says, fingering the gold. Her eyes lift to mine. "You and Edward are different... you are meant for each other, so don't worry that this will be a bad omen."

I marvel at how well she knows me. "That did cross my mind," I admit. "But I've never been more sure of anything in my life than I am right now."

"Then wear it with pride." Her eyes search mine. "Phil's so very proud to be stepping in, but we both wish Charlie could be here for you today."

There's a soft tap on the door, and Phil pops his head around it. "It's time to go," he says, and then his eyes widen as he steps into the room. He moves closer and places his hands on my shoulders. "You look lovely," he says. I thank him and he turns to Renee. "And you scrub up nice too," he jokes with a wink.

It seems silly taking the car when we are only driving to the end of the street, but Renee wouldn't let me walk along the street wearing my dress. We pull up outside the house, and I can hear Jacob's loud squeal of delight as soon as the car door opens. He emerges from the house and meets me halfway down the driveway.

"You should see how awesome the yard looks! We tried the lights last night and they look amaaaazing!" he yells, even though he's right beside me by now. He looks at my bouquet. "Hey, those are the same flowers Aunt Rosalie and Aunt Alice put out this morning."

Rosalie comes up behind him, wearing a deep-pink, figure- hugging shift dress. Her blonde hair gleams in the sunlight as it cascades down her back in soft waves. Her pink lips spread into a wide grin as her eyes rake over my dress. "You look stunning." She nudges Jacob. "Doesn't she?"

He blinks up at her, his cheeks flushing crimson and agrees without looking at me. She taps the tip of his nose with her finger. "You better go tell them to get ready."

Jacob scampers off yelling. Rosalie turns back to me laughing. "He's been like that all day."

We step into the empty house, and she and Renee kiss my cheek before going out into the yard. Phil leads me through the house and pauses at the patio doors.

"You ready?" he asks, looping my hand through his arm and patting it affectionately.

I look through the window. Just like Jacob said, the yard is awash with flowers that match my bouquet. I can see the lights they've put up on the awning, and there are more glass bulbs glinting in the sun all around the fence and railings. There are nine people waiting for us.

I didn't want a fuss. Edward suggested asking the Clearwaters and Mike and his girls to come, and Renee suggested I should invite some of the girls I used to work with. But all I wanted was for a quiet day surrounded by family. I knew money was tight for Sue, and it might be difficult for Mike to find the money too. Edward offered to pay, but that would have been embarrassing for everyone concerned.

Edward asked me time and time again if I wanted a big wedding – he said I could have anything I wanted, get married anywhere I wanted. This is what I want. I see Jacob move to the decking and then music starts to play. He gives me a thumbs-up through the window and darts back to his seat beside Edward.

The chairs have been covered with white material and secured with lilac ribbons. It looks beautiful in the bright sunshine, and there is nowhere else I'd rather be.

Edward and Emmett stand when Phil slides the doors open and leads me out onto the decking. They are wearing matching blue suits with crisp white shirts and deep lavender ties that match my flowers.

There is one row of chairs behind Edward. Rosalie, Alice and Esme sit on the inside while Jasper and Renee sit on the side where I will pass. There are three seats in front where Emmett, Jacob and Edward were seated.

I don't look at anyone because my only focus is Edward. He has shaved since this morning, and the white of his shirt enhances the sun-kissed glow of his skin. His eyes are bright with anticipation and they seem to glow as he lets them drift down my body and back up again. His lips stretch into a proud smile.

Everything recedes as I walk towards him. The music fades, the fragrant scent of the flowers dissipates, the warmth of the sun goes unnoticed. I am only aware of the sudden pounding of my heart and the unexpected urge to cry. I bite my lip and struggle hard to swallow down the lump that is forming in my throat. When I reach his side he immediately lifts his hand and runs his thumb across my lip, releasing it from my teeth.

My lip trembles, and he smiles affectionately. "You look beautiful, baby," he whispers, and I feel a flush of pride heat my cheeks when I thank him.

I try to focus while the minister speaks, but Edward and I are standing face to face, and all I can think about is how much I want this. I study every inch of his face, seeing every blink of his eyes, twitch of his lips and flicker in his expression. He starts to say his vows, and I watch his lips form the words and then look up to see the truth of them in his eyes.

The emotions of the moment threaten to overwhelm me. This is the man I love – the man I've always loved. If I had been braver in the past, if I'd had faith in him I wouldn't have had to fight against that love for so long. He told me he wanted to become a better person for Jacob and me, but I feel like the man I fell in love with ten years ago has come back to me. Sure, when he first came back to Forks I couldn't find him when I looked into his eyes, but I can see him now... gazing at me and promising to love me forever.

When it is my turn to speak, my voice cracks and I stumble over the words. He squeezes my hands which calms me enough to get through it without any further mistakes. When we exchange the rings, I notice that his hands are shaking a little too and this comforts me. He's as emotional as I am, even if he's doing a better job of concealing it.

A tear slips down my cheek as we complete the vows. Brushing it away with his thumb, he leans forward and presses his lips gently to mine. The minister clears his throat, causing us to pull apart. When we turn to him, he smiles and informs us that he's not finished.

There's a short burst of laughter behind us, and my cheeks flame with embarrassment that we were a little hasty.

At last the minister says what I most want to hear: Edward is my husband and I am his wife. His lips are soft yet eager when he seals it officially with a kiss, and I cling to his shoulders for fear that I will float away in bliss.

"I love you, Mrs. Masen," he breathes into my ear.

Hot tears trickle down my cheeks as I press my face into his neck and tell him that I love him more. There's a burst of noise as chairs scrape on the ground when everyone stands and we are quickly surrounded. I turn to look at Jacob as he accidentally launches a handful of confetti straight into my face. His eyes widen in horror as I flinch before spluttering against the tiny pieces that landed in my mouth, and swipe at the ones that have stuck to my wet cheeks.

"You're supposed to throw it up into the air," Renee admonishes gently. "Not straight at them!"

"I'm sorry," he says, his face bright red with embarrassment.

I pull him into my arms and hug him. "Try again," I whisper.

This time he gets it right and a shower of tiny colourful hearts flutter in the breeze. After a round of hugs and congratulations, we head inside to the food.

The day is calm and relaxed. We eat out on the patio. Emmett insists on giving a speech which has us all laughing and then later the champagne begins to flow and Jacob puts on some music. Edward and I are coerced into dancing first, and I don't feel as self-conscious as I normally would when he leads me out onto the paving. Perhaps it's the occasion, but I'm happy to sway in his arms under everyone's watchful gaze.

By now Edward has removed his jacket and tie and the top two buttons of his shirt are undone. I rest my cheek on his chest as he wraps me in his arms and we sway to the music. It's not long before Rosalie drags a mortified Jacob up to dance while Emmett dances with Esme. Renee and Alice are inside the house, leaving Jasper and Phil content to just sit at the table drinking beer.

I tilt my face up and look dreamily at Edward. "Happy?" he asks, beaming down at me.

"Very," I respond.

It's not even late but already I'm wishing we were alone. All too soon, Jasper cuts in and Edward reluctantly releases his hold on me.

I hear Renee telling Edward she's glad he's not taking her baby away after all, and I suspect that she's had a little too much champagne. I smile when Edward twirls her around and starts to dance with her.

"Congratulations," Jasper says, drawing my attention away from them. He places one hand on my waist and holds his other out for me to take.

"Thank you." I slip my hand into his.

We laugh when we hear Jacob loudly complaining about the slow music. I feel a faint hint of awkwardness as Jasper regards me while we dance. He makes no attempt to speak, and it feels a little bit like he's studying me. Eventually I lift my eyes to his.

"It was good of you to invite us out here to share your day," he says in that smooth, even tone of his.

"We wanted family around us," I say.

He arches his eyebrow. "You know what I mean." His tone is gently chiding, as if I've been deliberately obtuse. "Alice was delighted to get the invite."

I look away as the song stops, but he doesn't let go. I don't object when he starts to move again when the next song begins.

"We had a bit of a chat this morning," I say sadly. "I think she's having a hard time dealing with the situation between Esme and Carlisle."

"She is," he says, looking towards the house as if he expects her to appear. "But she'll be okay. I'm glad you two had a chance to talk."

"It wasn't much of a talk," I admit. "I still need to apologise to her properly. I haven't really looked at any of this from her point of view."

His lips tilt up into a knowing smile. "Why would you? You had the worst of it," he says, taking me by surprise. "Alice was spoiled, a real daddy's girl... still is." His face clouds over a little, but it's just a flicker before it's gone again and the tender smile is back. "It seems to me that you two cared a lot about each other, otherwise it wouldn't have hurt so much and you wouldn't have gotten so angry and bitter towards each other... but it's over, you just need to see that you can't take back what's been said and done... but you can try to fix the damage it caused. The time to apologise has gone. It's time to move on."

I stop dancing and stare at him. "You know you're like a sage old man at times," I bite my lip, hoping I'm not offending him. "This is not the first time you've been the voice of reason. If it wasn't for you Edward and I would probably still be dealing with the fallout of me telling him about Jacob."

"I doubt that," he says modestly. "You two would've worked your way round to this eventually. The road might've been longer and more difficult but this was always your destination."

"How can you be so sure?" I can't help but ask.

"When I saw him in Brazil, the first time I mentioned your name he changed. I saw an Edward I didn't recognise. Before all the anger and confusion took over..." He pauses. "There was a split second when I saw the devastation on his face, it was mixed with just the tiniest flicker of hope... then he choked on his bourbon and it was gone."

"Really? You caught that in a split second?"

He nods emphatically and chuckles. "I got that from my mama. She liked to watch people closely, too. Long before those TV shows came along about micro-expressions and body language and all that kind of thing, she was already doing it. "course she had nothing else." The music stops, and this time he lets me go. He stuffs his hands in his pockets, while we make our way towards the table. "I used to take care of her... she couldn't do much for herself. She liked me to take her out a lot so she could see people and try to figure out their story. She didn't have much of a life of her own so she liked to know about other people's..." He shakes his head. "I'm sorry; I don't mean to get maudlin on you. She died twelve years ago, and I still miss her every day."

I touch his arm. "I understand."

"I know you do," he says with a sad smile. He points to Charlie's ring around my neck. "Is that your daddy's?"

I nod.

"That's nice," he says approvingly. "I like that."

"What are you two so deep in conversation about?"

I turn to see Edward walking towards us carrying two glasses of champagne. He hands one to me and turns to Jasper. "Can I have my wife back now?" he teases.

"She's all yours," Jasper says with a bright smile, before heading back into the house.

"You okay?" Edward asks, as I take his glass from him and set them both on the table.

"Hold me?"

Instantly he wraps me in his arms and it all melts away. The warmth of his hand rubbing comforting circles on my back soothes me. I feel him shift and see his hand stretch out for the champagne. I shake my head when he offers it to me.

"I don't think I should drink," I say. For a moment hope shines brightly in his eyes, but I cut him off when he opens his mouth to speak. "I'm not pregnant," I tell him, feeling bad for getting his hopes up. "I just think that if I'm taking the folic acid and all the vitamins you recommended, then there's really no point in spoiling it all by drinking."

He smiles. "One glass won't hurt."

I take the glass, smiling when he clinks it with his own. "To the Masens," he says with a glint in his eye.

"Are you disappointed?" I ask after taking a sip. "That I'm not pregnant," I elaborate when he frowns at me.

His fingers brush slowly down my cheek. "A little bit... but I guess we'll just have to force ourselves to keep trying." He winks.

He raises his hand and fingers the flowers in my hair. "You look lovely today. When I saw you stepping out onto the patio you took my breath away." A ghost of a smile plays on his face. "I can't believe how lucky I am."

He bends to kiss me. I spill a little champagne on his shoulder when I wind my arms around his neck and press myself against him. Our lips part and I can detect the crisp taste of champagne on his tongue.

"Hey, Renee! Maybe we should take this party to your place and leave these two lovebirds alone!" Emmett's voice bursts through the air, and Edward reluctantly lifts his head and turns to glare at him.

"I guess we should mingle," I say, taking his hand and heading towards the house.

When it starts to get dark, Jacob makes me sit on the porch swing and then darts into the house. "You ready?" he calls.

"Yes!" I shout back.

Suddenly the yard is lit up with a thousand tiny lights. A small cheer goes up and Jacob bounds back out onto the patio. "Isn't it cool?"

"It is," I say, patting the seat next to me and holding my other hand out for him to join me. When he sits down, I slip my arm around his shoulder and kiss the top of his head. "Did you have a good day?"

He nods emphatically. Spotting us, Edward comes up the porch steps and sits down beside us. He pushes against the decking, and the swing starts to rock.

"Nana Renee says I'm sleeping at her house tonight," Jacob says.

"It's just for one night," Edward responds, squeezing his shoulder.

We swing for a little while, and my eyes follow as Edward takes a long pull of his beer. His lips curve around the rim of the bottle and his Adam's apple bobs gently as he swallows.

"I don't mind staying at Nana's," Jacob says out of the blue. "I know it's because you guys want to make a baby tonight."

The mouthful of beer flies out of Edward's mouth as he bursts into a coughing fit. Jacob pats his back as hard as he can while I stifle my laughter.

Edward turns to him, still spluttering. "I don't think I'll ever get used to how blunt you are."

Jacob frowns.

Edward pulls him right into his lap laughing. "That's not a criticism," he says, tickling his ribs. "I love you the way you are, but..." He tilts Jacob's face up. "Sometimes you don't have to say every little thing that's on your mind."

"Okay, kiddo, let's get you home to my house!" Renee's voice is loud and high pitched which is usually a good indication that she's a little bit tipsy.

Jacob lingers a little when he hugs us, and I notice everyone else preparing to leave.

"You don't have to leave," I say, attempting to sound convincing, though I can tell by their wry smiles that none of them are buying it.

"They're coming to my house for a little while," Renee says, looping her arm around Emmett's.

Rosalie doesn't look bothered by this at all and steps forward to hug me. "It's been a wonderful day."

I press my fingers into her back as I return the hug. "Why don't you stay for a few days... I feel like we haven't had a chance to catch up again properly."

I feel Edward's hand on my shoulder.

"Um... we won't be here," he says when I turn to face him. "I booked a honeymoon... well, it's not exactly a honeymoon–"

"You're going away?" Jacob asks, dismayed.

"Oh, you're coming too," Edward says with a grin. "I booked us a trip to Orlando. I've never been to Disneyworld."

Jacob shrieks with delight but doesn't get a chance to celebrate for long, because Phil hauls him up into his arms and leads the exodus along the beach.

Warm lips caress my shoulder. "You go on up," Edward murmurs. "I'll put out the lights and lock up."

He doesn't have to ask twice.

When I reach the bedroom I notice the bathroom door is ajar, and I can see the unmistakeable flicker of candles. I push the door wider and smile at the rows of candles lining the bathtub. His footsteps are soft as he comes up behind me. "Alice helped me light them all." His arms are warm as they gently rub up and down my arms.

"Can you undo my buttons?" I ask, my heart rate already cranking up a notch.

I've been watching him all day and the wanting never stopped. I groan when his breath wafts down my back as he leans forward and tugs at the first button. He releases it and presses his lips to my skin. He shuffles a little behind me and then his fingers release the second button. Again, his lips flutter over the opening.

By the time he reaches the buttons at the base of my spine, I'm quaking with need. The dress whispers down my body and pools on the floor. As I step out of it, I notice his feet are bare and suddenly all the pausing and rustling makes sense. I turn to find him naked before me. His eyes rake over my white, lacy underwear.

"Gorgeous," he murmurs, reaching for me.

His kisses are feverish as he backs me into the bathroom. I scrape my teeth and lips across his jaw as he leans over to turn on the taps. "Edward," I groan.

"Hmmm?" His lips are seeking mine again.

"I need you now," I whisper. "Right now! And not gently, we can make love later."

He makes a strange noise that's suspiciously like a growl when I turn my back to him indicating what I want. I grip the sink unit with my hands and lean forward. Within seconds my panties are a ruined scrap of lace on the floor, and he's buried to the hilt inside me.

* * *

"It's your turn tomorrow," Edward says, throwing the Harry Potter book down on the kitchen table.

"I thought you liked reading to him?"

Jacob's latest obsession was born in Orlando last month: Harry Potter. I had tried to read the books to him when he was younger, but he wasn't interested. However, when he saw the world of Harry Potter in Orlando he was blown away by it and now can't get enough of all things wizard.

"You're better at doing the voices then I am," Edward argues, sitting down beside me. He kisses my cheek while his hand roams up to my breasts. I wince a little when he squeezes me. He draws back, frowning. "Did I hurt you?"

"I'm just a little bit tender," I say.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to grip so hard," he says before covering my lips with his. He freezes mid kiss. "I didn't grip hard." His eyes search mine. "Are you late?"

I nod, and he almost knocks his chair over, he stands up so fast. "How late?"

"A few days," I respond, trying hard not to get caught up in his mounting excitement. "I bought a test. I'll take it in the morning."

"Where is it?"

Shaking my head, I walk across the kitchen and take it out of the drawer. I throw it to him and he rips it open and unfurls the instruction sheet inside. I bite my lip while he reads it.

"Do you need to pee?" he asks, still looking at it. "Because you can take this anytime, you don't have to wait till morning."

I burst out laughing. "This is all very romantic," I tease.

He stalks towards me. "I'm sorry. I'm just..."

"Excited?" I venture.

He winds his arms around me. "I just want to share the moment with you," he whispers, brushing his lips across my forehead.

"I know."

The last time I took a pregnancy test, I was alone and frightened. I sat on the floor of the bathroom for a full hour trying to muster up the courage to look at the stick. I remember how violently my hands were shaking when I reached out to pick it up and how I dropped it as soon as I saw that pink plus sign that I had been praying wouldn't be there.

His hand rubbing warming circles on my back is enough of a reminder that this time I'm not alone. I take his hand and lead him upstairs. I smile when he walks right into the bathroom with me. "You're going to watch me pee?" I challenge, turning to face him.

"Sure, why not?" he jokes, before I swat his arm and make him stand outside for a few moments.

I replace the cap and tell him he can come in. He grabs it instantly.

"We need to wait a few minutes," I try to tell him but I can already see he won't let it go. "It's digital, you have no choice but to wait."

He offers me his hand and leads me to our bed where he pulls me onto his lap and holds the stick in front of us. I can feel the thump of his heart beating against my side when he tightens his hold on me.

We don't talk. He sits with his lips pressed to my shoulder and this time I pray for the same result I got the last time. My throat is dry, and I feel tension knotting my muscles. We've only been trying for a couple of months, but I've had moments of worry that it might not happen for us. I've heard of people who have one child and then can't seem to conceive another one, and I've started to worry that it could happen to us. How ironic would it be if we couldn't have another child now that we want to share it so badly.

My thoughts are running so wild I almost miss the subtle shift of his lips on my shoulder. "Look," he whispers.

I look down and see the word and for a split second my whole body sags with relief before my joy erupts at the same time Edward does.

"We're going to have a baby!" His voice is a loud whisper.

I bury my face in his neck, and he rocks me while chanting the words over and over.

"Thank you," he says, eventually tilting my face up so he can look at me.

"Why are you thanking me?" I ask. "You had something to do with it too."

"You've made me the happiest man alive," he murmurs, cradling my face in his hands.

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**

**One more chapter left and then an epilogue.**

**Kat**


	37. Chapter 37

I'm already regretting coming out as I navigate my way along the busy Seattle sidewalk. Edward has taken Jacob to ride the go karts again, and rather than join them I decided to enjoy a Saturday afternoon shopping spree – except I'm not enjoying it. It's at least fifteen degrees colder than it would be in Florida right now, and the sleet and rain hasn't stopped bombarding me all day.

Icy January winds whip my skin, and even pulling the thick wool coat against my neck isn't enough to warm me. Suddenly the thought of soaking in a long hot bath in the empty apartment seems a hell of a lot more appealing than this.

Just as I decide to hail a cab, I spot a small boutique called _First Steps_ just a little further along the street. I haven't really bought any baby things yet and I am hit with the urge to indulge my maternal impulses.

A welcome blast of warm air from an overhead heater greets me as I step through the door. A mechanical chime sounds, but the two sales assistants standing behind the counter are so deep in conversation they don't even turn their heads.

I lower my hood and brush the droplets of sleet from my shoulders before shaking my hair out. It's such a relief to be in out of the cold. I step a little farther into the shop and am feel immediate warmth from seeing all things baby. It's relatively small and there are way too many clothing rails for a room this size. The space between the rails is very limited, giving it a claustrophobic feel.

I glance at the only other customer in the shop before turning my attention to the rails. I trail my hand over the soft nap of a tiny, red velvet dress that is on sale. I smile at the white embroidered lettering on the front of it, and imagine that any little girl would look adorable wearing this on her first Christmas. I trail my hand over my swollen abdomen and receive a small kick in return. My smile widens.

This pregnancy has been so different to my first one. Edward has been so loving and attentive, and it has been wonderful sharing every moment of it with him. He talks to my bump often and his eyes glow with pride whenever we talk about the future. Sometimes though, I can see the worry in his eyes. He tries to hide it, but there are times when he fails, and I can see how much this means to him and how worried he is that something might go wrong.

Sometimes it's difficult not to get caught up in that worry too, so we don't address it. It's there, but there seems to be an unwritten rule that we don't have to dwell on it.

My smile returns as I rifle through the dresses before moving onto the boys' rail. The boys' clothes always look like small replicas of adult clothing, and I hate the idea of putting a harsh fabric like denim against newborn skin. Spotting that there are sleep suits hanging on the hooks on the back wall, I weave through the tight labyrinth of rails towards them.

The door opens with another mechanical chime and a blast of frigid air wafts into the shop. I glance at the doorway and see a blonde-haired woman shaking her umbrella out onto the sidewalk before she lets the door close. I turn my attention back to my destination but instantly freeze when she speaks.

"Excuse me."

Her voice is horribly familiar and I instinctively turn towards her, but it is not me she is addressing. She has her back to me and is speaking to the women behind the counter. Against all my better instincts I can't stop myself from staring at her. I can't remember the last time I physically laid eyes on her, but I've imagined her often. In my worst nightmares, she was the woman who was living my dream – even though I had no right to feel that way.

_Irina._

Her hair is still that striking shade of bright blonde, though it is cut much shorter than it used to be. Even though she is wearing a thick coat, I can see that she still has the same slender figure and she still carries herself with that same effortless elegance.

The sales assistants turn to face her.

"I was in last week," Irina says, her voice instantly conjuring up memories I've long repressed. "You had some _Baby Dior_ gift sets in the window... they were hats and gloves. I don't see them now. Do you have any left?"

My attention is drawn from Irina when the sales assistant raises her hand and points in my direction.

"We moved them," she says, but the rest of her words are lost as the blonde head swivels and turns in my direction.

In my effort to slip out of the store unseen, I turn and lurch forward towards the door, but in my haste I misjudge the tight space and trip. Clutching wildly in front of me, my fingers grip fabric that is far too fragile to bear my weight, and amid a loud ripping noise and a clattering of coat hangers, I hit the ground with a sickening thump.

All of the air is expelled from my lungs in a loud grunt as a bolt of excruciating pain shoots up my left arm.

Despite the fact that there are only four other people in the shop, it sounds like thunder when they rush to my aide.

"I'm okay!" I shriek in my pained state.

"Oh you poor thing," Irina laments, gripping my arm as she tries to help me up. Her voice is filled with concern, and I am almost loath to turn around and look at her. But I do.

Her eyes grow wide, and she snatches her hand back as if she's received an electric shock. Her lips seem to form my name without sound, and she simply stares at me while the other women's voices recede into the background. Loosened from her grip, I stumble backwards again and curse loudly when my arm slams back onto the floor.

In spite of the pain, my eyes stay trained on Irina's, watching as they harden and her lips draw into a tight line. I feel a slight twinge in my side when I straighten fully, and wince when I try to rub it with my injured hand. Irina's gaze follows the movement and all at once her expression changes.

"You're pregnant," she says quietly.

"Would you like to come into the back and sit down?" The dark-haired sales assistant asks nervously. "Is there someone we can call for you?" I notice that she and the other assistant are really quite young and judging by the nervous glances they are exchanging, they have no idea what to do with me.

The girl helps me as I gingerly get to my feet. My side throbs again, but I'm certain the pain is just from pulling a muscle when I fell. I didn't land on my stomach or my side when I hit the ground.

The other assistant stoops and picks up the clothes that I pulled down when I fell. Holding up two ripped dresses, she looks at me. "You'll have to pay for these."

My mind is still reeling from the shock of seeing Irina and the pain bolting up my arm is making it difficult for me to focus. "Um... sure," I say weakly. "I'll–"

"Oh, for God's sake!" Irina says angrily. "Can't you see she's hurt? Just put her details in the accident book and you can bill her later... if you must."

The girl's cheeks flush bright red and she mutters something about not having an accident book. She looks at her colleague for guidance but the other girl looks all at sea too. With a frustrated groan Irina snatches the dresses from the girls grip and examines the tags. She pulls some bills out of her wallet and thrusts them into the girl's arms along with the ruined dresses, glaring at her the whole time.

Feeling shaky on my feet and keen to get outside and call Edward, I start to make my way to the door.

Ignoring their protests, I pull the door open with a trembling hand and step out onto the sidewalk. The cold air hits me like a ton of bricks, and suddenly I feel weak and shaky. The white hot pain in my arm instantly amplifies, and hot tears prick my eyes as I struggle to open my purse one-handed.

"We need to get you to a hospital."

I whirl at the sound of Irina's voice and a wave of nausea hits me. She grips my shoulders, steadying me. She looks down at my purse, and without a word she unzips it for me. I manage to locate my cell as soon as my fingers close around it. I look at her.

"I'll be fine now," I say, expecting her to walk away. She doesn't. "I'll just make a call and then I can take a cab to the ER." The tremor in my voice belies my words. I look back down at my purse. "How much do I owe you for the dresses?"

She doesn't appear to be listening. Instead her eyes are roaming over my bump. "Where does it hurt? Did you land on your stomach when you fell?"

Her concern surprises me, and I simply stare at her open mouthed. Her eyes dart up to my face when I don't answer, and I can see that she is genuinely worried.

"No," I respond eventually. "I think I just twisted a muscle when I fell. My arm took all of the impact." I pull back my sleeve to find that my wrist is already badly swollen and starting to bruise. I lift my cell phone and look at her. "I need to make a call."

"I'll stay with you until someone comes for you," she says.

"That's not necessary," I argue.

She scowls a little. "Look, Bella, I'm not relishing the idea of spending time with you either, but I'm not about to leave a pregnant woman who has just had a fall standing in the street." Her eyes soften just a tiny bit. "I'd feel much better if you let me take you to the ER and you can make your call from there. My car's just around the corner. It will be quicker."

I punch the speed dial for Edward's cell, before raising the phone to my ear. She turns her back and I watch while she pulls car keys out of her purse. I groan in frustration when Edward's voicemail greeting begins. I redial and when I get the same response I leave a message asking him to call me. Irina turns and arches her eyebrow at me.

"Voicemail," I say.

I spot a cab just up ahead and without thinking I raise my sore arm to hail it. I yelp in pain and Irina clicks her tongue in annoyance. "Stop being so stubborn!" she snaps. "I can get you to the hospital in no time at all; you're wasting time."

It is the trace of desperation that seeps into her tone that resonates within me. The awkwardness between us briefly disappears, and remembering the loss that she has suffered, I finally understand her concern. When she returns her attention to her purse, I surreptitiously rub my hand over my bump and this time my heart lurches when I don't receive a kick in response.

Even though I'm certain my arm took the brunt of the fall, her anxiety is starting to rub off on me and so I agree to go with her. I follow her along the street, still trying in vain to reach Edward. She presses down on her car key and a silver BMW beeps twice in response. After she gets into the car, I take a deep breath and open the passenger door.

She doesn't say another word as she pulls out into the heavy traffic. Soft music plays, and I look out at the wet grey streets and wonder how fate brought me here. I cradle my hurt arm in my lap.

She lets out a cynical sounding chuckle.

I glance at her. "What?"

"For a while I wondered what I would do if I ever ran into you. Driving my husband's mistress to the hospital was never something I imagined I'd do," she says cynically.

"I'm your _ex_-husband's _wife_!" I inform her bitterly. "And you're the one _insisting_ on driving me."

She glances at my wedding rings with a look that could sour sugar.

"It was a surprise when I heard that you were back," she says coldly. "And then Tanya told me that you and Edward were together again..." She snorts and pauses as if to collect her thoughts. "You know, it's not like I've been sitting around for ten years dwelling on this, but seeing you again has certainly stirred up the hornet's nest."

Anger hardens her features. "It took you a while, but you finally managed to get your man."

Nausea is starting to boil in my stomach, and I don't have the energy for this. "I didn't set out to–"

"It just happened, right?" She cuts me off, contempt evident in her voice. "Isn't that what they all say? You had a baby by my husband, Bella. It wasn't just a little transgression; you deliberately had sex with him and conceived a child while he was still married to me."

Her accusation stings, and momentarily revived by my own anger, the bitter words are out before I can stop myself. "I'm not the one who manipulated him," I spit. "_I _didn't get pregnant deliberately and _I _didn't use my baby as a pawn to try to keep him!" A telling wave of nausea ripples up from my stomach to my throat, and hot acidic saliva floods in my mouth. "Stop the car!"

"We're almost there," she says, sounding like she's reprimanding a child.

"I'm going to throw up." I manage to force out, feeling a cold sweat break out on my skin.

A horn blares behind us as she pulls over abruptly, and I only just manage to push the door open before depositing the contents of my stomach into the gutter. I retch a few times more and feel her touching my leg. I look down and accept the tissue she is offering. Wiping my mouth, I sag backwards onto the seat and take in a few deep breaths.

"Are you okay now?" she asks.

"I just need a minute," I mutter.

She gets out of the car, and I lack the energy to open my eyes to see where she's going. The car door closes beside me and a few moments later she is back in the car. My arm is throbbing painfully, and my head is spinning from the lingering nausea.

I cringe as my harsh words come back to me, reminding me of what she has lost.. "I'm sorry," I croak. "I shouldn't have said those things."

My eyes remain closed, but from the sound of her breathing I can tell she's facing me. My eyes snap open at the sharp sound of another car honking.

"I need to move the car," she says, and I nod in response.

Thankfully the nausea doesn't worsen when the car begins to move, but I keep my eyes open just to make it easier. Tension is heavy in the air while we both refrain from talking for the rest of the journey. I wipe the cold sweat from my brow while she parks, taking a few deep breaths to quell the nausea that seems to be receding.

I gingerly step out of the car. My vision blurs a little as the landscape swims before me, and I have to support myself by leaning on the car door. Irina comes to my side and I don't protest when she holds my elbow as she leads me to the main entrance.

Once inside, we approach the desk together where I give the receptionist a brief rundown of what happened. She passes me a clipboard and instructs me to fill out the form and bring it back to her.

Irina heads straight for the water dispenser in the corner, while I take a seat and balance the clipboard on my knee and start to fill out the form. When I'm done, she hands me a drink of water and takes the clipboard from me. While she is taking the form back to the lady behind the desk, I set the cup of water at my feet and pull out my phone. I dial Edward's number, again, but curse when it goes straight to voicemail.

Leaving the phone in my lap, I lift my water and sip it slowly, starting to feel a little better now that I'm sitting down. The waiting area is quite busy and the TV that is mounted on the wall has been turned up too loud. My head starts to throb a little when the loud commercials come on.

Irina returns and sits down beside me. "Did you reach him?" she asks, pointing to my phone. Strangely, I notice how well-manicured her fingernails are, and that the diamond in her engagement ring is obscenely large.

Looking away from her hand back to my phone, I shake my head. "I left him a message."

"I remember a time when he had a special phone just for you."

"Is that why you insisted on driving me here? So you could drag all this up and get your pound of flesh?" I ask. "Because I'm not interested in doing this with you."

"No, I don't suppose you are." Her voice is cold and hard. "Why would you want to hear about how you ripped my heart out by taking the love of my life away from me?"

"The love of your life?" I ask incredulously. "You're forgetting that I was around Irina, I remember how you treated him."

Anger flashes in her eyes. "Don't you dare judge me!"

"Why not? I challenge. "I'm not going to sit here and let you make out that I came along and ruined your loving marriage–"

"Of course you ruined it. You were sneaking around with him behind my back for years. Do you think I didn't know?"

A few people turn in our direction. Irina straightens immediately and seems to regain a little of her composure as her eyes scan the room for a while.

"That's not true. We weren't sneaking around for years," I say quietly. I drain the last of my water and clutch the cup in my hands. "Our relationship was very brief."

She shakes her head disbelievingly. "If I'd ran into you years ago, there's so much I would've said to you. I've forgotten most of it now – and after all this time, I don't suppose it really matters what I would've said– but I've never forgotten the pain... you might think it was brief, but it wasn't for me."

She smoothes her hand down her skirt, and crosses her legs. Her body is angled towards me and she is staring intently at me. Despite her words, I know she's hell bent on having her say now – and maybe she's entitled to it.

"I could see you were infatuated with him from the start," she admits. "I actually thought it was cute to begin with. I certainly never expected him to reciprocate. Can you even imagine what it's like to watch your husband fall in love with someone else? I could see the way he lit up whenever you were around. I'd catch him sitting alone with a faraway look in his eyes and a small smile playing on his lips, like he was recalling a special moment. How do you think it felt seeing that look of love on his face and knowing it wasn't me he was thinking about? It ripped my heart out, and it disgusted me because you were his kid sister's friend. You were just a child."

"I was eighteen years old!" I snap, riled by her accusation.

"You were barely sixteen when he met you," she counters, her voice becoming bitter. "You even had the gall to sit together every Thursday night watching your stupid TV show. You couldn't have rubbed my nose in it any harder."

"There was nothing going on between us then," I protest.

"So you weren't meeting him outside of the house?" she challenges.

"Yes we were," I concede. "But it wasn't like that then. We were just talking."

I fight the urge to tell her not to cheapen it, but how else would it look to her? To her, I wrecked her marriage – it doesn't get any cheaper than that.

"It wasn't a sexual thing to begin with."

Her lip curls up in distaste. "Please spare me the details." She blows out a harsh breath. "I bet he trotted out the line that his wife didn't understand him."

"No, he didn't, but if he had it would've been the truth. What you are saying now about him being the love of your life doesn't tie in with how you were back then."

Her eyes flash angrily. "You don't know anything about our marriage."

"I know what I witnessed. It seemed to me like you were trying to change him into a completely different person." Adrenalin starts to pump in my veins, and even though the pain in my arm is still gnawing at me, I'm gripped with the need to say these things to her.

"How could you not see how deeply unhappy he was? Your relationship wasn't working long before I came on the scene. He was damaged by Carlisle and he was miserable, but you kept trying to push him into being someone he didn't want to be. He was trying to make you happy, but you were too busy being bitchy to him in public, and vocalising your disappointment in him. He was never good enough for you. Then when he gave up trying to please you, you went to Carlisle for support. The one person who was responsible for Edward's pain!"

I stop, aware that my voice is rising. My head swims a little when I take in a few deep breaths before continuing. "I know what I did to you was wrong and for what it's worth, I _am_ sorry, but I didn't ruin your marriage, Irina – you and Edward did that by yourselves."

"And you were just waiting in the wings to greet him with open legs!" Her voice is dripping with venom, but then she seems to catch herself. She closes her eyes briefly, breathing slowly, and then opens them again. "I think it's clear we both need to calm down."

Exhaustion is beginning to set in, and my muscles feel weighed down by invisible weights, but I maintain eye contact with her. "He's a good man," I say at last. "He didn't want to hurt you, and you took advantage of that."

Her anger dissipates slowly, morphing into hurt. "So I guess he told you everything," she says, sounding calmer.

"No, he didn't," I say truthfully. "He kept all the personal details about your break-up out of it, but he did tell me about Carlisle's involvement." I watch her face to gauge her reaction. I catch a fleeting look of guilt in her eyes. "I still can't believe he helped you to do that."

She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, drawing my eyes to focus more closely on her features. Her skin is so smooth and flawless and she doesn't have any laugh lines or crow's feet. I briefly wonder if she's had a little help with that.

"It wasn't my finest moment," she says, her tone resigned. "Although I was aware of what might be blossoming between you and Edward, I guess I could never really imagine that it would come to fruition. I thought it would pass and that I could show Edward that what he had with me was real – I was his wife, and we were supposed to have a life together. I thought a baby would solidify that."

"I don't understand," I tell her. "If you suspected he was... being unfaithful, why would you stay away at your sisters?" A heavy realisation weighs down on me. "If you hadn't concealed your pregnancy... if you'd been in Forks, Edward and I wouldn't have..."

Her eyes bore into mine causing the last of that sentence to evaporate. "Hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it?" she says bitterly. "I waited till I'd had a scan and the pregnancy was viable – as callous as that sounds. I knew he was going to leave me, so I waited till I was certain I could give him a reason to stay. I fought dirty."

"And we didn't fight at all," I add sadly.

"Why didn't_ you_?" she asks after a short pause. "When you found out you were pregnant, why didn't you tell him?"

"He wouldn't answer my calls, he didn't come to see me to tell me he was leaving... he broke every promise he ever made to me, so he could keep his promises to you. I thought I had nothing to fight for. I'd already lost. I thought you two were making your marriage work."

"What about your son? Didn't you want him to know his father?"

"I didn't want him to be second best to your child," I admit. "I had this image of you three as the perfect little family, and I didn't want Jacob to be the blot on anyone's landscape. It's not like he would've been welcomed with open arms as an equal for his father's affections."

She makes no effort to argue with that.

Another wave of dizziness makes me lean my head back against the wall.

"Jacob," she says the name quietly. "He must be around ten, right?" I nod, knowing what's coming. "Ashleigh would've been eleven last week."

"I know," I say. Edward told me last week it would've been her birthday. "I'm sorry," I offer, hoping it doesn't sound trite.

She sighs. "Did he tell you about her?"

I tilt my head to look at her, but she's looking straight ahead. "Yes. He had pictures of her in his... apartment." I refrain from mentioning his bedroom.

Her sad smile is brief. She turns and looks directly into my eyes. "You were right in what you said... I did use her to try to keep him, and I'm not proud of it. Despite what you think, I loved Edward very much. I know now that what I did was wrong and I could've played it differently, but at the time I was desperate and I would do anything to... make him love me."

I sense that she doesn't want any kind of response so I don't offer one.

Her face hardens a little: eyes narrowed and lips pressed into a tight line. For a moment, I think she's going to lash out at me again, but her features become slack and she begins to speak in a different voice, as though she's somewhere far away from the noise and bustle of the ER. "After we lost Ashley, it was Edward who supported me through it. He was the only one who understood the pain, because he was feeling it too. For a while it brought us closer together, he encouraged me to get therapy–" She stops abruptly and pushes her hand through her hair. "I don't know why I'm telling you all this. I guess when you open an old wound it's good to let the poison out."

She shrugs a little self-consciously. "It took a few years of therapy for me to come to terms with everything. It wasn't just losing Ashleigh – or Edward – there were other issues I didn't know I had." She manages a weak smile, but I know it's not really directed at me.

"Edward said you remarried," I venture, hoping to steer the subject away from what is clearly intensely personal to her.

She nods. "I have two girls now."

It seems odd that she makes no mention of her husband but I'm not about to pry.

"Melissa is four and Angelica will be two next month." She flashes a genuine smile at the mention of their names.

"Where are they now?" I ask, more for something to say than out of any real curiosity.

"With my mom. They hate shopping and I needed to buy a gift for a friend."

"You can go if you need to," I say, feeling bad that I'm keeping her from her plans.

She shakes her head. "It's fine." She makes a noise that is halfway between amusement and cynicism. "I want to stay."

The conversation stalls, and I wonder if it feels as surreal to her as it does to me. A nurse approaches and I look up expectantly. When she doesn't call my name, I sag back in the chair. In an act of habit I rub my bump and am rewarded with a soft kick.

"Oh!" I exclaim as relief washes over me.

Irina looks down at my hands. "Did it move?"

"One of them did," I confirm. Her eyebrows shoot up. "My grandmother was a twin," I explain. "It must've skipped a couple of generations."

"She stares at my stomach. "Do you know what you're having?"

I shake my head. "I prefer the element of surprise."

"Isabella Masen?"

I turn at the sound of the nurse's voice. "That's me," I say, carefully getting to my feet. Irina stands with me.

The nurse comes closer. "If you come with me, the doctor will see you now."

I take a step forward but stop when I feel Irina's hand on my shoulder. "I'll wait here," she says in a way that makes it sound like a question. When I nod she sits down again.

Just as I turn to leave I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. Seeing Edward's name on the display I answer it immediately.

"I got your message," he says as soon as I greet him. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine," I tell him quickly. "I fell and hurt my arm–"

"What? Where are you?" he asks, sounding panicked.

The nurse gives me an impatient look.

"Edward, I'm in the ER. The doctor is waiting for me... I'll call you back in a few minutes,"

Irina stands up and offers to take over the call. Edward is still frantically firing questions down the line while I debate what to do. I can't keep the doctor waiting, and by the time I'm done Edward will be going out of his mind with worry.

"Tell him I'm okay," I say, reluctantly handing the phone over to Irina. "I'll call him back as soon as I've seen the doctor."

Her eyes meet mine. "Okay, just go see the doctor."

I follow the nurse down a wide corridor, looking over my shoulder as Irina begins to speak to Edward. The nurse ushers me into a room where a harassed looking doctor is waiting behind his desk.

He examines my arm first and then concentrates on my bump. By now there is a rendition of Riverdance going on inside me, and I've never been happier to feel all that moving around. I explain that I didn't fall on my stomach but am relieved when he suggests I should go up to maternity and get checked over as a precaution. First though, I have to have my arm x-rayed.

He hands me a pink slip of paper and the nurse gives me directions to the radiology unit. She informs me that she'll call the maternity unit and tell them to expect me. I head back to Irina hoping that she managed to allay Edward's fears.

"Edward's on his way," she says, rising to greet me.

"Did you tell him I'm okay?"

She nods. "I told him not to panic... but you know he will. He was a little shocked to learn it was me who's with you."

"What did he say?"

"He warned me not to upset you," she says with a wry snort.

I sit down again, deciding to wait till Edward gets here before going for the x-ray. Irina sits down too and I turn to her. "You don't have to wait," I say, glancing at my watch and noticing it's been over twenty minutes since he called. "It won't take him long to get here."

"Your name's Masen?" she asks, apparently choosing to forego her chance of escape.

"Yes."

"Why did he change it?" she asks.

"It was a personal choice," I say.

She looks at me and raises her eyebrows. "None of my business, huh?"

"I didn't mean it like that."

She waves away my protest. "Actually, it shouldn't surprise me. I know he didn't speak to Carlisle for years, I guess they're still not on good terms."

"No."

"I haven't seen Edward in years, but the last time I saw him..."She shakes her head seemingly at the memory. "He was like a different person, he was so arrogant and cold – and considering his loss – not the type of man who would forgive you so quickly for keeping his child from him."

"I can't respond to that without saying something insensitive to you," I point out.

"I guess not." She stands. "I should get going." She looks at me for a long moment while she buttons up her coat. "I can't really say it was a pleasure seeing you again," she says with a hint of wryness. "But I guess it could've been worse. If it was ten years ago I have no doubt we'd be scratching each other's eyes out by now."

"Probably," I admit. "But, thank you for bringing me here."

"It's strange," she says. "There's a part of me that still wants to hate you. That wishes that one day you'll feel the pain I felt, that you'll know what it's like to lose him like I did... but then there's a side of me that needed to know your babies are okay. I wouldn't wish what happened to me on my worst enemy."

"And I was your worst enemy," I state.

"And I yours," she responds.

I shake my head. "I was the one left alone to raise a child by myself," I look up to meet her gaze. "I deprived Jacob and Edward of ten years together for nothing. So, for too long – _I _was my _own_ worst enemy." I look her in the eye. "And I _do_ know what it's like to lose him."

Her eyes suddenly flick up over my head, and I turn to see Edward and Jacob rushing towards us.

Edward's face is ashen and a picture of pure concern. He flies past Irina and drops to his knees in front of me. "Are you okay?" he asks, running his hands down my arms and across my middle.

Jacob almost chokes me when he flings his arms around my neck.

I tell Jacob I'm okay and manage to extricate myself from his vice-like grip. He takes a step back, but my attention is diverted when Edward touches my sore arm. My resultant wince makes him frown, and he immediately pulls up my sleeve to look at it. "Jesus!" he exclaims when he sees the vivid purple bruises and the swelling. His hands rub gently across my abdomen.

I cover his hands with mine. "They're okay. They were moving around like crazy when the doctor examined me. But, they want to check me over just as a precaution."

He cups my face in his hands and kisses my lips. "God! I was so worried. How are you feeling now, any nausea?"

"I threw up earlier, but I'm okay now. Honestly. Irina stayed with me to make sure I was okay."

He looks up at Irina, looking like he's still wary of her intentions, but his expression changes to one of compassion when he sees the way she's staring at Jacob. She looks pained, and I can't tell if it's meeting Jacob that hurts, or if she's thinking about Ashleigh again.

Jacob squirms a little under her intense gaze.

Edward stands and puts his hand on Jacob's shoulder. "Hello Irina," he says.

Jacob glances up looking confused.

"This is Irina," Edward tells him without elaborating further. His discomfort is revealed when his hand rises to scratch at the back of his neck.

"Hello, I'm Jacob Masen," Jacob says, holding his hand out.

The proud smile he flashes when he uses his new surname hasn't worn thin yet. When we got back from Orlando, Edward spent an entire day with Jacob, explaining to him how proud he is of him and how much it means to him that we all have the same name now.

Jacob was so excited to go back to school and tell all his friends about his new name, and ever since he uses it at every opportunity.

When we told him that I was pregnant, the first thing he asked was if the baby would have the same name too. It seemed to please him when Edward said yes, and from then on there was no hint of jealousy at all from Jacob.

I'm brought out of my reverie when Irina accepts Jacob's hand and greets him. "Pleased to meet you," she says in a strained voice and the irony is not lost on me. How could she possibly be pleased to meet my son? "You look very much like your dad."

Jacob rolls his eyes. "Everybody says that."

Fearing that Jacob might start asking awkward questions, I ask him to help me up. Edward turns to do it, but I shake my head and take Jacob's hand.

"Thanks again," I say to Irina, looking pointedly at Edward.

"Yes, thank you," Edward says sincerely.

"I would do it for anyone," she responds. She looks at the three of us and sighs. "I should go."

And without another word she turns and walks away from us.

Later when we leave the hospital, I have my sprained arm strapped and Edward is studying the sonogram photo happily.

"Can we go someplace for dinner?" Jacob asks. "I'm hungry."

"We'll order something in," I say wearily. "All I want to do is go home, take a bath and go to bed."

"Hey."

My eyes flutter open to see Edward's face inches from mine.

"Your bath's ready," he says quietly, kissing my forehead.

I sit up stiffly and look around the room feeling disorientated.

"You fell asleep almost as soon as you sat down," Edward explains. I look down at the blanket on my lap. "I thought it best just to leave you sleeping rather than wake you."

I look out at the dark sky. "What time is it?"

"It's almost ten. Jacob's already in bed, it's been a long day for him."

"Did you say something about a bath?" I ask, yawning.

He takes my arm and helps me up. My arm starts to throb a little, and every muscle in my body feels tense and stiff. Edward helps me undress even though I could manage on my own, and then smiles at me as he starts to take his own clothes off.

"Oh that feels good," I moan appreciatively as I settle in-between his legs and feel the warm water begin to soothe me.

"That was quite the scare today," he says, scooping water over my belly. His hands trace a path over my wet skin, and I jump a little when his finger tickles my belly button.

"I feel so stupid. It was such a shock to see Irina, my first instinct was just to get out of there and then I tripped."

"I couldn't believe it when she came on the phone. As crazy as it sounds, my first thought was that she'd done something to you."

I cover his hands with mine and lean my head back on his shoulder. "It was surreal talking to her."

"Was it bad?" he asks, pressing his lips to my temple.

"I've had easier conversations," I say. "But, no, it wasn't as bad as you'd think. She's very different... but then I guess we all are." I turn and look up at him. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."

He kisses me softly. "Me neither."

I kiss his jaw. "None of it matters anymore."

A couple of days later, we head to Emmett and Rosalie's apartment for dinner. Our main purpose for coming to Seattle is to empty Edward's apartment in preparation for putting it up for sale. After living in the apartment for the last few months, Esme has decided that she's going to live with Alice in London for a while and declined Edward's offer to keep the apartment in case she wants to use it again. However, she made it clear that she wants to stand on her own two feet and will buy a place whenever she's ready.

She leaves for London the day after tomorrow, and so here we are having a farewell dinner for her. Emmett lets us in and after a quick round of greetings, I head straight to the kitchen to help Rosalie.

"I was about to offer to help you," I say with a smile. "But I guess you can manage that on your own."

She's opening various containers that look like they've come from a catering service, portioning the contents out onto plates.

She grins at me. "I'm a terrible cook. You could count on one hand the amount of times I've used the stove in here – and every time set the smoke alarm off. Besides, this stuff tastes like home cooking anyway, it's not like I ordered pizza."

Laying the container down, she walks towards me. "How are you feeling now," she asks, looking at my wrist.

"Much better now that the swelling has gone down, but it's still a little tender."

"And you ran into Irina? That must've been awkward."

"It was strange," I say, not really wanting to get into the bones of it.

"It was good of her to take you to the hospital," Rosalie says, licking some sauce from her thumb.

"It was," I agree.

"How are double trouble doing?" she asks, hunching down and speaking directly to my belly. She rubs it gently, making me smile.

"You make them sound like a bad pop band." I laugh.

"Well, when we know if they are boys or girls I'll come up with a better nickname," she says, straightening again. "I wish you were coming back to live here. It would've been nice to spend lots of time with you guys. And Emmett and I could've been chief babysitters. It'd be great to have some kids around here."

I arch an eyebrow at her. "Do I detect a five year plan going up in smoke?"

The smile drops from my face when she frowns deeply. "Oh, that went up in smoke months ago... not that it's done us any good."

She tries to force a smile and turns back to the food.

"What's wrong?" I ask, moving to her side at the counter.

She sighs. "We've been trying for a baby for months and nothing's happening."

"Sometimes it takes a while," I say, lamely.

She shrugs. "I know, but I guess I just thought that as soon as we decided we wanted kids it would happen. I never expected any problems."

I rub her arm affectionately. 'Nobody ever does. I think we tend to see it as our God-given right.'

She covers my hand with hers. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to burden you with this."

"You can talk to me about anything," I tell her.

"We're thinking of going for tests," she confides. "I don't know if it's too early, but we're definitely going to look into it."

"Why isn't the food ready yet? It's not like you're doing any actual cooking." Emmett teases, stepping into the room and interrupting our conversation.

He wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head. "You're looking good, squaw."

Releasing me, he turns and winks at Rosalie. "Are you gonna feed me or what?"

After dinner, Rosalie refuses to let me help with the washing up and enlists Jacob and Emmett instead. Edward and I sit in the living room with Esme while she talks excitedly about London. I would say that she looks like she is back to normal, but she actually looks happier than I've ever seen her.

"I'm really looking forward to spending time with Alice," she says with a happy smile. "She's loving London and has made so many plans for when I get there. I wonder if she'll ever let me leave."

"I hope you'll come over when the babies are born," Edward says. "You can stay with us for a little while."

Her eyes flick to mine.

"It would be lovely if you would come," I agree. "I have a feeling we'll need all the help we can get."

"If you can get past Renee," Edward says lightly. "She hasn't stopped buying things since w–"

"Hey, how come you get to sit in here and do nothing while Uncle Emmett and I have to clean up?"

Edward laughs when he turns to see Jacob standing in the doorway with his hands on his hips. He makes to get up but Esme stops him and turns to face Jacob.

"Do you mind if I talk to your mom and dad for a little while first?" she asks.

Jacob shrugs and then looks at Edward, narrowing his eyes. "We'll be leaving some dishes for you,"

"Gee thanks," Edward says with a chuckle.

Esme stands up and moves to the other sofa so she is sitting opposite us. "I've done a lot of thinking over the past few months," she begins. "It meant so much to me to share in your wedding and I can't wait to meet my new grandchildren." Her eyes light up with affection. "I've learned that my children are what's important to me. I'm so touched that you have invited me to come to stay after the babies are born."

Edward squeezes my knee before crossing over to sit beside Esme. "I want you to be a part of it all... we both do."

"I know that now, and it makes me so happy. I was worried that you were all living in different places and we would drift apart, but I'll be spending a lot of time visiting with you all."

"What about Carlisle?" Edward asks. His brow creases in a scowl when he says Carlisle's name.

"We went to marriage counselling together," she admits. "It was supposed to help us look at what went wrong with our marriage. I wanted him to see how destructive his behaviour has been, to see how we failed you as parents– "

Edward draws in a deep breath. "I understand if you're going back to him... and I won't stop you from visiting us, but I have no interest in reconciling with him."

Esme smiles sadly. "I'm not finished," she admonishes gently. "The sessions only taught me that he doesn't love me enough to want to do _anything_ to make me happy. He knows how important this is to me, but his primary concern is how bad it reflects on him that his wife has left him. After almost forty years together, I feel I deserve a little bit more than that... so I've asked him for a divorce."

Shock registers on Edward's face, rendering him speechless.

"How did Alice and Emmett take the news?" I ask, guessing that she's already discussed it with them.

Esme turns to me. "They're not exactly over the moon about it, but they understand. It's a difficult time for all of us, but they will still have a relationship with their father."

"You can come and stay with us any time you want to," Edward says, hugging her.

Our conversation ends when Rosalie brings in some coffee. Edward leaves to help Jacob and the rest of the evening passes without further talk of Carlisle. Esme becomes a little emotional when it's time for us to leave, but Jacob alleviates the tension by telling her he'll call her in London and help her to learn how to Skype.

Later when I slip into bed beside Edward, I find him brooding over Esme's news.

"Do you think it's what she really wants?" he asks.

He props up on his elbow and looks down at me.

"I do," I tell him. "It seems like she's reconciled herself with her decision and is actually looking forward to the future." I pull him down for a quick kiss. "Just like we are."

He smiles against my lips and throws back the covers, sliding down the bed until he is hovering over me. "How are my babies tonight?" he croons over my stomach.

I slide my fingers into his hair as he starts to hum a lullaby with his cheek pressed against my skin, just as he does every night. I smile as my bump begins to move beneath his fingers.

* * *

**Thank you for reading**

**Kat**


	38. Chapter 38

**Okay, so this is the last chapter. It's a sort of last chapter-cum-epilogue.**

* * *

My feet feel like two balloons. I look forlornly at them and wonder why they are not floating off into the air. My skin is stretched tightly and itches horribly, but it's too uncomfortable to lean forward to try to scratch it out.

I hear Edward's feet pounding on the patio right before he slides the doors open.

When he appears in the doorway, I twist a little as I turn to greet him.

I envy his fit, lithe body, dripping with sweat from his morning run. "I thought you were planning to have a nap?" he calls over his shoulder as he turns back to the kitchen.

I make a soft, disgruntled noise as I hear the sound of the fridge door opening and closing. He walks back into the room drinking greedily from a bottle of water. Drips fall from the sharp edge of his jaw as his Adam's apple bobs under the passage of water.

"It's too hot. I can't get comfortable," I complain.

He drains the bottle and sets it down, before using the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face. His body is damp as he sits down beside me, raising my feet before balancing them on his lap.

"You look tired," he says softly.

"Yeah, well lack of sleep will do that to you," I lament. "I just feel like I'm swelling up everywhere. My feet are killing me, my back hurts, I need to pee _all the time_. I can't believe I've got another five weeks of this."

He lifts one foot and rubs it carefully. I can't hold back the soft moan of pleasure as he massages my aching skin gently. "You know that twins are typically born early?" he says, trying to cheer me up.

I smile a little, appreciating his efforts. "Nothing's ever typical for us."

He stands up and holds his hand out to me. "Come upstairs. I'll take a quick shower and then I'll give you a massage. It'll help you relax and maybe you can grab a few hours of sleep this afternoon."

I let him pull me upright, and he practically carries me upstairs. He deposits me on the bed with a quick kiss and heads for the shower.

I roll onto my side and stare at the clock. It's barely noon but it might as well be midnight for me. The exhaustion of late pregnancy has set in, and sleep has been evading me for the last couple of weeks. I rub my hand over my tight abdomen and smile at the irony that the babies seem to be calmest during the day.

After less than fifteen minutes, Edward comes back into the room. His skin is still slightly damp and a single rivulet of water trickles down his abs and is absorbed by the towel knotted loosely around his waist.

He looks at me affectionately while he switches on the ceiling fan. Within seconds a cool whisper of air breezes over me, and I smile in gratitude as the mattress dips beneath his weight. He doesn't stretch himself out beside me, choosing to resume his foot massage instead.

His fingers feel like magic as they gently caress my swollen flesh. With light pressure he rubs his palms over my ankle and up towards my calf, forcing the collected fluid upwards. I sigh, feeling relief as the blood starts to circulate more freely through my veins.

"That feels wonderful," I murmur, letting my eyes drift closed.

He works on both legs until I'm practically embedded in the mattress. He smooths warming circles up my thighs, and when he brushes the hem of my sleep shorts I feel the first buzz of arousal. My eyes open, and I look up into his intent face.

"Still good?" he asks, smiling at me.

"Mhmm," I respond, seeing the moment he detects what's on my mind. I see it right in the tiny flicker of his lids and the slight dilation of his pupils.

One thing I've discovered in the last few weeks is that orgasms are the perfect relaxant.

The mattress shifts beneath me when he rises to his knees between mine. His hands slide up my thighs and grip the waistband of my shorts, tugging them down.

Throwing the shorts on the floor, he settles down between my thighs and I groan when I look down and find my view of him blocked by the rising white moon of my belly.

The warm pressure of his lips on my inner thigh soon quells any disappointment I'm feeling and not being able to watch – at least I can still feel him.

His fingers probe gently, sliding over my lips, parting them to ready them for his mouth. At first my whole body tenses with the intense pleasure of his first slow lick, but soon I relax and melt back into the mattress again.

My eyes roll back in pleasure when his warm mouth closes over me. My fingers clutch at the edge of the comforter he pulled back, and my knees sag wider as welcome waves of pleasure roll through me, obliterating every last vestige of tension. Within minutes my orgasm bursts to life and my hips rise off the bed as I convulse under his wonderful touch.

He encourages me onto my side, and I'm barely aware of him pulling the comforter over my legs before he kisses my neck and sleep claims me.

The smell of coffee wakes me. I blink a few times as I slowly wake and see Edward, now fully dressed, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"How long have I been asleep?" I ask, scooting up with all the grace of a hippo rolling in a mud bath.

"A few hours. I brought you some coffee," he says, pointing to the nightstand. "I'm just about to leave to pick Jacob up, so I thought you might want to get dressed before he comes home."

I glance down at the comforter that has slipped to my ankles and realise that I'm still naked from the waist down. "Oh... I fell asleep on you," I say guiltily.

He leans forward and kisses me. "That was the whole point, baby. And besides, I had another shower," he adds with a sexy wink.

I reach out to grab the comforter when he stills my hand and draws it up around my waist for me.

I rub my hand along his forearm. "I can't wait till we can get back to normal," I tell him.

His laugh sounds affectionate. "I don't think we'll ever know normal again once we have three kids running around."

"Three kids," I parrot. "God, it seems stupid but I hadn't really thought of that." I look at him, feeling a little overwhelmed by the sudden realisation that we will soon be a family of five. "We'll never make love again!"

He looms over me and rubs his nose down the length of mine before kissing my lips lightly. "Yes we will. We have locks on the doors and your mother lives a stone's throw away. I'm sure we'll find the time," he says, wearing a smirk evidently amused by my panic.

I let my fingers trail across his stubbled jaw before he sits up again. "I have to go get Jacob," he says.

After he leaves, I sip my coffee and marvel at how the enormity of the change we are about to experience is only just hitting me. I was surprised when we discovered I was having twins, but I got caught up in Edward's sheer delight at the news. He revealed that he'd secretly wanted more than one more child, and since I'm going back to college next year we don't have to factor in another pregnancy.

As much as I think he means it, there's still a part of me that thinks he would fill the house up with ten kids if he could.

Feeling refreshed after my coffee and shower, I head downstairs to find Edward and Jacob already home. Jacob is sitting at the kitchen table scowling at his math book, while Edward is making sandwiches at the counter.

"Want one?" Edward asks, pulling more bread out of the packet.

"Yes please," I say, coming up behind him. "I'm starving."

"Do you feel better now?" he asks, his eyes gleaming wickedly as he presses his lips to mine.

"Hello? I'm right here," Jacob grumbles.

I sit down beside him. "You know a lot of kids would be happy to see their parents so in love," I tease, nudging his elbow.

"You don't have to be so monstrous about it all the time," he says.

"Monstrous?" Edward laughs loudly.

"I think you mean demonstrative," I say, ruffling Jacob's hair, which earns me a full-on pout. "Do you need help with your homework?" I ask, ignoring his mood. He hates when we make him do his homework before he gets to go out to the beach with his friends.

"I think I've got it," he says, lifting his pencil and getting back to work.

Within the next two weeks my nesting instinct kicks in, and with renewed energy I can't seem to stop myself from cleaning like my life depends on it. It's not enough to just clean things. Every closet gets attacked too. All the drawers get reorganized and every day I seem to amass a large collection of black refuse sacks ready for Edward to either dispose of or take to Goodwill.

I am irritable all the time, and Edward and Jacob have taken to tiptoeing around me, in fear that my irritation will be turned on them. I start to imagine that when I finally go into labour their reaction will be sheer relief.

However, when Edward finds me bent over the back of the sofa breathing deeply, he most certainly does not look relieved. He rushes to my side. "What's wrong?" he asks, rubbing between my shoulder blades.

"I think this is it," I say, when the latest round of pain subsides. I look up into his eyes and they are so wide the whites of his eyes are forming a perfect ring of white around his bright green irises. "It's not like you didn't know this was going to happen," I say, managing to inject a little humour into my voice.

"How long have you been experiencing pain?" he asks, sliding his hand down my arm to capture my hand in his. He leads me around the sofa and sits down beside me.

"Since this morning," I confess.

"And you didn't think to mention it?" he gasps.

I grip his hand in mine. "I just wanted to be sure,"

His jaw relaxes a little. "And you're sure now?"

"Yes," I nod. "But the contractions are still a good ten minutes apart. I don't think we need to rush to the hospital yet."

He stands up. "I'll call your mom and ask her to collect Jacob from school." He looks down at me, and I catch a tiny trace of worry etched into the crease of his brow. "And then we _are_ going to the hospital."

I can hear Renee's excited chatter from the living room and then Edward comes into the room holding out the phone.

"Do you want me to come with you, baby?" she shrieks down the line, making me wince and pull the phone away from my ear. "Phil's already home – he can go get Jacob later."

"No, Mom," I say. "We already talked about this–"

"I know, I know. You just want it to be you and Edward," she says, sounding only marginally calmer. "I had to ask."

"Mom, I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't be like that. I understand, I know what this means to you both." There's a short pause and then she's back to level ten excitement again. "I'll bring Jacob down to the hospital, so that he can see the babies as soon as possible."

"You don't have to do that, it could be hours."

"Do you think he'll let me keep him here?" she asks with a snort.

"Okay, but if it gets late you have to bring him home."

"I'm excited, Bella, not stupid."

"I need to go, Mom," I say, feeling the tightening of oncoming pain.

"Right... okay... well, make sure Edward calls us to keep us informed... I'm so excited, baby."

I blindly hold the phone out and feel Edward's fingers take it from me. When the pain subsides I open my eyes to find him crouched in front of me, concern shining in his eyes.

"This is it, sweetheart," he whispers, skimming his hands over my abdomen. "If I could do this for you, I would."

I cup his cheek in my hand, and he turns his lips to my palm. "Let's go."

As soon as we arrive at the maternity unit, we are ushered into an examination room. Edward sticks to my side like glue, helping me out of my clothes and into the hospital gown, constantly offering reassurances that everything will be alright. The thick emotion in his words reveals that it's not just me he's trying to reassure.

He helps me up onto the bed just in time for the doctor to come and examine me.

"Well, Mrs. Masen," he says, looking down at the notes in his hand as he breezes into the room. "Seems like we have a couple of early arrivals here."

He lays the folder containing my notes at my feet and greets Edward before turning his attention to me.

He smiles at me and performs a strange flex of his eyebrows which causes his glasses to fall from the top of his head neatly onto his nose. While he straps a monitor to my belly, he asks me how long between contractions, whether I've eaten anything today, and general questions about my well-being. Edward exhales audibly when Dr. Bradbury switches on the monitor and the sound of two strong heartbeats fills the air.

Dr. Bradbury grabs the stirrups that are attached to the side of the bed and angles them towards me. "Let's get you into these," he says, helping me balance my calves on them.

I watch as he snaps on a pair of latex gloves and squirts a small amount of lubricant over his fingers before they disappear beneath the gown. He pauses. "When was your last contraction?"

"A few minutes ago," I respond.

"Good. It wouldn't do to be in the middle of this when the next one comes. It can be quite painful. Okay, deep breath, and try to relax," he instructs.

I drop my head back onto the pillow, and Edward smoothes his fingers through my hair. I notice that he is watching the monitor keenly, and there is a faint sheen of sweet forming on his brow.

"Deep breath and relax," I whisper to him, and his eyes drop to mine. He smiles apologetically.

"Did you pass the mucus plug?" the doctor asks, breaking into our quiet moment. I tell him I think so. "But your waters haven't broken," he says, sounding like he's talking to himself.

He stands abruptly and pulls the gloves off, dropping them into a nearby trash container. "Well, things are moving along swiftly," he says, smiling at me. "You're already seven centimetres dilated."

"Already?" I gasp.

He nods. "Yes. I think it's best to break your waters manually, and that should help keep things moving along. We'll get you along to the delivery suite now." He starts to scribble notes into the folder. "What did you decide for pain relief?"

I think back to when I had Jacob, and it seemed to take forever to get to this stage. "We had discussed an epidural," I say. "But if it would slow things down, then I'd rather not."

He finishes writing and pushes his glasses back up onto the top of his head. "I think that's very wise. We'll start you off with a shot and then we can review it if we need to."

I lift my legs out of the stirrups while he reads the printout from the monitors. "Everything's looking good," he says. "I think these two are in a hurry to get here."

My belly tightens with the force of another contraction, and I reach for Edward's hand as I pant through it.

Dr. Bradbury scans the monitor again. "Someone will be along to take you to the delivery suite in a little while."

After he leaves Edward rounds the bed and starts reading the printout that is still spewing out of the monitor. His jaw flexes a little as his eyes dart back and forth over the page.

"Edward," I say, and he turns to look at me. "Stop being a doctor. It's fine."

He's at my side instantly, cradling my face in his hands. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to ruin this for you... I'm just... I'm a little scared," he admits.

"I knew you would be," I murmur, pulling him close. "It'll be okay, we'll do this together."

We're still locked in our embrace when a couple of nurses come in to take me to the delivery suite.

Being transferred onto a gurney, wheeled down a hallway and moved back onto a bed whilst experiencing extreme pain is not the most enjoyable experience. Thankfully as soon as I'm settled the doctor checks the monitors before administering a shot to help with the pain.

My head spins, and Edward's image swims a little as I sag back onto the pillow. A massive bubble of laughter surges up from my chest, but dies in my throat as yet another contraction rips through me – the strongest one so far, which is not a good sign since they've told me as soon as the waters are broken they will become even stronger.

A waterproof mat is slipped underneath me, and the midwife uses a scary-looking implement to break my waters. Even through the pain and the drug induced haze, I still feel the heat of my blush when the warm water gushes between my thighs.

I feel Edward's lips near my ear, as his fingers trace lazy circles on my scalp. "You're doing great, baby."

Feeling woozy, I reach my hand up and hold his face. "I'm so glad you're here." Images from last time start to play in my mind. "I'm so sorry... I never meant to hurt you... I need..." My words trail off when I forget what I was about to say and lay back against the pillows.

Just like they warned, the contractions intensify in both strength and speed until I'm grunting and crying and begging for them to make it stop. By now Dr. Bradbury is back; the room seems to be full of too many people.

"I don't want to do this!" I yell, clutching at Edward who is saying words that I can barely hear.

The doctor's face looms over me, distracting me. "Bella," he calls several times. "Look at me, Bella."

I manage to drag my eyes away from Edward's concerned gaze and focus on what the doctor is saying.

"You're in transition," he says slowly. "You're just feeling a little bit panicky, but you'll be ready to push soon. Okay?"

"I'm thirsty," I say, not really able to focus on his words.

Edward has pulled his chair so close to the bed he's practically on top of it with me. He reaches over to pluck an ice cube from the small cup that has magically appeared beside me. He presses it to my lips.

I suck greedily on it but then clamp my mouth shut as another wave of pain crashes over me. Edward takes the full brunt of my strength as my hands closes viselike around his... I think my nails are digging into his palms, but all he does is offers me words of encouragement.

There's a small lull. I smile at Edward and – still foggy from the pain relief – start to tell him how much I love him. I beg him to kiss me and am aware of one of the nurses telling him to count himself lucky. When he questions her she remarks that some wives spend the time cussing out their husbands.

Of course they don't know how much this means to us. This time we're together, this time it's how it should be.

His lips are on my temple when I'm hit with the overwhelming urge to push. I try to move upwards and Edward stands abruptly, hooking his hands underneath me to support me while I bear down with a strength that is purely instinctual.

White flashes appear before my eyes from the exertion while the sharp sting between my eyes reminds me of the pain of crowning. I feel the gentle shake on my thigh and manage to compose myself enough to listen to the doctor again.

"Bella, I need you to pant through the next one," he is saying. "Don't push till I tell you to."

My head lolls backwards to meet Edward's emotional gaze. "You should be down there," I say, my words slurring slightly with exhaustion. "Watch them be born," I urge.

He props me against the pillows, and keeping my hands firmly clasped in his moves slightly lower.

"I need to push!" I gasp, trying to pant but the urge is too strong. I keep my eyes focussed on the doctor and feel his fingers on me.

He looks up. "Okay, push."

My eyes swing to Edward, and I watch his face morph from concern to wonder as the sting of the head crowning burns through me. The doctor encourages me to keep going and I feel like I have no breath left in my body as I do what he tells me.

Sweat trickles down my neck and between my breasts and my whole body is shaking with the effort. At last the stretching stops, and I stop pushing. Suddenly it is very crowded at the foot of the bed as two nurses and the doctor are preparing for the first delivery.

"The head's out," Edward says, his voice rising above everyone else's. His fear is palpable now and even though he's trying to hide it, it's written all over him. In the tight set of his jaw, the way his eyes are fixed, the twitch in his temple.

The next push is short, and I feel the body slither out of me like a wet fish.

"It's a boy!" Edward declares, leaping to his feet. His whole face lights up at the sound of the baby's tiny whimper. "He's okay!" he cries.

I try to crane my neck to see what's going on, but I can't see much of anything because there are too many people and my stomach is in the way. Edward drags his eyes away from the baby long enough to turn his attention to me.

He comes closer and kisses my temple. "He's perfect; he's absolutely perfect."

"I want to see him," I beg.

He wipes the sweat from my brow. "They need to make sure the other one doesn't turn into a difficult position, they'll hold him there for now."

I feel a bolt of pain while the doctor examines me and then he tells me to push when I'm ready.

The second baby is born with two mighty pushes, and this time there is no doubt that everything is okay because she starts bawling the place down as soon as she's out. My heart soars at the sound.

There is a flurry of activity from the nurses and doctor, and I watch as they turn and take the babies to the side of the room to check them over. After pains grip my stomach, and I cling to Edward while we watch anxiously as the nurses and doctor check our babies.

"You did it," Edward whispers, leaning down to kiss me. "You're amazing."

At last the babies are wrapped in blankets and brought to us. I laugh through my tears as our daughter screams angrily and appears to be annoyed at being born.

A smiling nurse congratulates me as she places my newborn son into my outstretched arms. Relief rushes through me as he snuffles and screws up his tiny face. "He looks just like Jacob," I whisper, pressing my lips to his damp, downy hair. "Hey, little man," I croon, feeling the first rush of love when I inhale the unique scent of him.

Edward sits down on the bed beside me and accepts our daughter into his eager embrace. "Everything's okay," he croons to her, stroking her cheek gently with his finger. She stops crying for a few seconds but then instantly starts wailing again.

Edward laughs with tears in his eyes when our son's bottom lip pouts before he opens his mouth and lets out a pitiful cry.

I look up at Edward and he kisses my lips. "They're perfect... you're perfect."

Edward kisses every inch of my face, his tears mingling with mine. "This is the best moment of my life," he whispers between kisses.

"I'm so happy," I say.

"I love you," he tells me over and over, before he stoops to kiss our daughter to tell her he loves her too. I lift our boy up towards him, and he plants soft kisses all over his cheeks and starts saying it all over again.

The nurses finish up; I'm given a new gown, and a blanket is thrown over my legs.

"Is Jacob here?" I ask.

"I called your mom when they were bringing you in here," he says, looking up at the clock. "But that was a few hours ago."

I look at the time and see that it's still early enough for them to still be here. "Go find them," I urge.

I stare down at my babies after he's gone. They both look so much like Jacob did when he was born, and my heart swells with so much love that it brings fresh tears to my eyes.

I hear Jacob's voice before the door is even opened. He rushes forward, and his eyes go wide as saucers when he looks down at his brother and sister.

"They're so tiny!" he gasps.

Renee comes hurrying into the room behind him and instantly wraps her arms around me, being careful not to crush the babies. She stares down at them. "They're so beautiful... and they look just like Jacob did."

I look up at Edward. "That's some pretty strong genes you have there. You'd think out of three children it wouldn't have been too much to ask that one of them would look like me."

He smiles broadly. "We could keep trying till we get one that looks like you," he teases.

Jacob jerks his head around. "Really?"

"NO!" I say vehemently.

"Can I have a cuddle?" Renee asks, gesturing at the babies. I lean forward, and she scoops my girl into her arms.

"Which one's the boy?" Jacob asks.

"This one," I say. "Do you want to hold him?"

Jacob shakes his head, looking terrified by the mere thought. "You remember that you said if you had a boy I could name him, right?"

Edward and I discussed this when Jacob asked. Given that his Harry Potter fixation is still in full flight, we are fairly certain that he'll want to call the baby Harry, and neither of us has an aversion to it.

"As long as it's not a ridiculous name," I say, glancing at Edward who winks at me.

"I want us to call him Harry," he announces, and it takes all our effort to look surprised. "Can we?" He claps his hands together with glee when I nod. An action which makes little Harry jump and start to cry a little. "Sorry," Jacob whispers, leaning forward. "Your new name is Harry Potter Masen."

I try hard not to laugh. "No Potter," I say. "I think we'll give him his dad's name. Harry Edward Masen."

Edward beams at me. "And what about the little lady, are we agreed on Beth?"

When we talked about names we agreed on Beth for a girl, but if we had two girls we were still undecided on another name.

Renee looks down at her and smiles. "Beth's a lovely name for a lovely girl."

"Elizabeth was my mother's name," Edward explains. "And we'd like to give her your name too... so she'll be Beth Renee Masen."

Proud tears fill Renee's eyes as she kisses Edward's cheek and then my forehead. "You picked lovely names."

Renee takes Jacob home a little while later when the exhaustion sets in, but Edward explains that he wants to stay a little while longer. I manage to sleep for a little while after they move me to a room, and Edward is still here when I wake up to the sound of the babies crying. I feel a sting in my breasts and realise that my milk is letting down.

Edward sits by my side holding Harry, while I nurse Beth. He watches raptly as she latches on and sucks greedily.

"You're amazing," he says, repeating what he's told me a million times already today.

Later a nurse comes in and checks my blood pressure and temperature, before giving the babies a once over and leaving us alone again.

"I should go," Edward says ruefully. "Jacob is staying with your mom, but I've got to go home sometime."

He leans into the cribs and kisses both heads before coming to kiss me goodbye. "I can't wait to bring the three of you home," he says.

"Make sure you enjoy the peace and quiet tonight, because it's the last you're going to get for a while," I say with a yawn.

* * *

"I'll help blow the candles out!" Jacob yells above the last strains of "Happy Birthday".

Harry and Beth are staring wide-eyed at the candles flickering on their cake. Harry giggles when Jacob leans forward and tries to encourage him to blow. He slaps his chubby hand against Jacob's mouth, making Jacob back away to try again.

In the end it's Jacob who blows out the candles, and Beth bursts out crying when everyone starts to cheer.

Edward immediately lifts her up into his arms and presses his lips against her cheek. She curls into him and buries her face into his neck.

"She's got him wrapped around her little finger," Alice says, coming up beside me.

"She's got them all wrapped around her finger," I say. "You'd never know that she can walk too because she just points at everything and little Harry goes and gets it for her." I look affectionately at Jacob as he scoops a piece of frosting off the cake and feeds it to Harry. "And Jacob's no better, he runs around after both of them."

"Let's cut this cake before these two eat it all," Renee says, lifting the cake and taking it into the kitchen.

Esme lifts Harry up into her arms and follows Renee.

I look around our living room at the happy smiling faces and feel that now familiar bubble of happiness in my chest. Just like our wedding, we managed to get the people we care about most to come and celebrate the twins' birthday with us.

The only tiny blot is that Charlie isn't here. I still miss him every day and wish that he could've met his two other grandchildren. Next month when we return to Forks for Mike's wedding, I'll be taking the twins to meet Sue and Leah, but I wish more than ever I was taking them to see Charlie.

"Penny for them?"

I start at the sound of Rosalie's voice. "Oh, I was just thinking about my dad," I say sadly. "I wish he was here." I turn to face her. "But I'm glad all of you could come, I really love having you here."

She nods. "I wish you lived closer. I can't believe how much the twins have grown since we last saw them... and don't get me started on Jacob. He's so tall now."

I laugh. "I know. I feel like I have to buy him new clothes every other month. If I didn't know any better I'd swear he was sleeping in compost every night."

"Did you tell her yet?" Alice asks, speaking to Rosalie when she joins us.

I look at Rosalie expectantly, not daring to hope that she'll have some wonderful news to share.

"Don't look at me like that," she says with a faint smile. "We're not pregnant yet. I'm having my first IVF session next week... so it's a bit early to start celebrating."

I pull her into my arms. "That's great news."

"Yeah, well I hope it works... it's not cheap."

Alice smiles at me over Rosalie's shoulder and raises her glass of juice. "Well here's hoping you and Emmett will be adding to our family soon. I really like being an aunt."

Just then Emmett grabs Jacob around the waist and hoists him up into the air. "How'd you get to be so big?" he asks, while Jacob tries in vain to wriggle out of his grasp. "Let's go to the beach."

"He'll be a great dad," I say, watching them leave.

At night, when the moon is high and everyone has gone to sleep, Edward and I lie awake in bed.

He turns towards me and skims his hand over my collarbone while kissing me softly but insistently. "I love you," he whispers.

I recognise the timbre of his voice instantly. "We can't," I whisper back, drawing back and looking at his face which is bathed in moonlight. "The house is full of your family."

"Our family," he reminds me. "And we'll be quiet."

His lips find mine again, and he kisses me so fiercely that I can't hold back the groan that it causes.

"Shh!" he admonishes, nuzzling my neck.

The giggle dies in my throat when he slides his hands into my shorts and starts to work them down. "Let me make love to you, baby," he whispers. "I need you."

I smile at him. "You seem to need me all the time," I joke.

He circles his hips as he presses into me and our stifled sighs mingle in the quietness of the night. "Yes," he agrees. "And I always will."

**THE END**

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**It's been really nice posting this story again and thank you to everyone who left a review and/or a PM. Very much appreciated.**

**Thank you for reading.**

**Kat**


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